THE LORD OF THE BLINGS

A/N: Ever wonder what exactly Seth was dreaming about when he was awakened during "The Nana" and said, "It's my Precious, you can't have it"? No? Must just be me then.

DISCLAIMER: Good grief. If I owned 'The O.C.", do you think I'd be sitting here writing this drivel? Hell, no! I'd be out hiring good-looking blond guys from Chino to be my pool boy.

Seth struggled to stay awake while waiting to hear from either Marissa or Luke and Ryan; however the long day was finally starting to catch up with him. I'll just lie down for a minute and adjust my back, he thought to himself. Curling up with a soft blanket, he soon found himself drifting off…………….

Setholas the Warrior Elf returned to the encampment with bad news for his companions.

"Ryagorn, we'll never make it over the Misty Mountains. A ginormous tool blocks the path. Besides, you know how all that mist frizzes out my Elf-Fro."

Ryagorn pushed his shaggy blond hair out of his eyes, squinted toward the western horizon, and contemplated their choices. "Well, Setholas, it appears we must make our way through the dreaded Mall of Moria."

"No, Ryagorn, not the Mall. Pleeeease don't make me go through the Mall," Setholas whined.

Frodo spoke up then, "Setholas, we must endure it if we are to find our way to Mordor. I must find a way to destroy the Bling of Power and soon."

"I'm in," Lukewise interjected enthusiastically.

"He's always in," Setholas said sotto voce to Ryagorn. "And by the way, this doesn't count as Setholas/Ryagorn time. This is Setholas-Ryagorn-Lukewise time. And, you know what, there's no such thing as Setholas-Ryagorn-Lukewise time."

"Listen, Elf-Boy, quit whining. We've got to get going soon," said SumÉowyn as she finished styling her lustrous black hair.

"Yes, my pet, whatever you say, whatever you say. Now, can I please see your breasts again?"

"Put that arrow back in your quiver, Emo-Elf, before I whack it off with my sword."

"Don't say whack it off, SumÉowyn."

"Ew! That's disgusting!"

"All right, you two," Ryagorn interrupted. "Before we start this leg of our journey, I think we should stop in Riversidell to replenish our supplies. There's no telling when we'll have another opportunity. Besides, I heard they just got a new P. F. Changs."

With that, the intrepid band set off on a slightly southerly course. As the sun was starting to set, they arrived in Riversidell. Sandalf and Lady Kirstadriel awaited them in the majestic hall of the Big House.

"Welcome, my friends," Sandalf greeted their visitors with a courtly half-bow.

"We are happy to receive you," added the beauteous Lady Kirstadriel. "I have prepared a feast to welcome you."

"Did you cook it yourself?" Setholas asked nervously.

"Why, of course," said Kirstadriel.

"Uh, really not so hungry but thanks," Ryagorn muttered.

"Humph," grumped Kirstadriel. "I'm going to get a drink. Order take-out, you ingrates."

"Call LunaChicks," said SumÉowyn. "They've got a great low-carb menu."

Ryagorn and Sandalf led the group in discussing ways to bypass the Misty Mountains. "Perhaps, Ryagorn, you and Setholas should split up and take separate paths in order to mislead the Water Polo Orcs," Sandalf suggested.

"No, No, No," protested Setholas. "We can't do that. Ryagorn, you know that united we're unstoppable but divided it's like…"

"People get shot."

"That's what I'm sayin," Setholas nodded in agreement.

And so the discussion continued late into the night. Ryagorn, Setholas, and Sandalf reviewed their options while Frodo and Lukewise lay passed out in the pool house.

Early the next morning, the group packed up their supplies and made ready to get underway. Sandalf, too, was preparing to take his leave. "I shall go ahead to attempt to diffuse the dark lord's power."

"Do it, Sandalf. Sauron's your bitch," enthused Setholas.

"We'll meet you on the other side," Ryagorn said, slinging his Backpack of Despair wearily over his shoulder.

"Mad props, my friends." With that, Sandalf bade them adieu.

"WAKE UP, COHEN!" Luke yelled while aiming a kick at Seth's feet.

"It's my Precious, you can't have it," Seth muttered while jerking abruptly awake. Humph, he thought to himself, now that was just plain weird. And not even kinky weird, just weird-weird.

Finis.