Author's notes:
You know the warning and disclaimer. Meh.. I can't be bothered typing them outÉ =P
Thanks to all the reviewers!! Thanks for telling me what colour Heero's eyes are!!
!#$%&()
Chapter 3
Heero could do nothing but stare at Duo for a few agonising minutes. How could Duo try to commit suicide?
How could he do this? To all of us? To me?
"Ah... is everything alright boys?" Dr Theis looked from one teenager to the other.
Duo was the first to turn away. He looked out the window, his breath ragged and shallow. Heero simply shook his head.
"Nothing's wrong, doctor." he said in a low voice that hid all of his emotions carefully.
Dr Theis nodded. "That's good. Well, I'll be down the corridor in ward 24 if you need me."
Heero nodded distractedly, his gaze never once straying from the thin figure in front of him. What happened to Duo to change him this much? Was it my fault? I should've realised- I should've figured that something was wrong with him- he's my partner, my flatmate! I am such an idiot, he thought bitterly.
As soon as Dr Theis had left the room, Heero walked over to Duo and sat down next to him. "Duo?"
"What do you want?" Duo snapped, his violet eyes alight with anger.
It was a shock, to see Duo angry. The only time that Duo got angry was when he was fighting. He never got angry at his friends- never. It was just something that they never even considered.
"Why... why...?" was all Heero could stammer out. His mind was running circles around his head, unable to accept that Duo was suicidal, and was angry at him.
Tears slipped down Duo's cheeks, no matter how hard he tried to suppress them.
Boys don't cry... boy's don't cry... Duo told himself firmly, but he couldn't help the crystalline tears that fell onto his hands. Heero's disgusted with me- I can tell. He's looking at me with utter loathing... He thinks I'm weak- and I am... so weak...
"Why?" Heero repeated. He grabbed Duo's chin and forced the younger boy to look at him. "Why, goddamnit, why?"
Duo had never seen Heero react so violently to something. Well, other than the time that he had slipped hair dye into the stoic boy's shampoo and his hair had turned pink and stayed that way for a week. But that had been different- that hadn't been on an emotional level like this was.
"I- I..." Duo didn't know how to explain all of the emotions churning and raging within him. How could he convey the immense anger and sorrow he felt in a few simple words? "You don't understand the first thing about emotions, Heero, so don't start preaching to me about what's right and what's wrong!" he yelled, wrenched himself out of Heero's grip, and stood up.
Heero could see that Duo had lost over 20kg in the few weeks he had been in hospital- he had always been on the skinny side, but now he was almost skeletal. Duo's bones protruded from his skin, and his eyes were sunken, framed by dark shadows.
"I don't want to preach." Heero said, his voice soft and low. "I just want to know why you- why you-" he broke off, looking away so that Duo wouldn't see the pained look on his face. "How could you?"
"And who would care?" Duo shot back. He paced the room angrily, twisting his hands together. "Did you even notice when I was gone?"
"Of course I noticed you twit." Heero stood up, exasperated. "Everyone noticed. Everyone misses you. I thought- I thought you had left me"
"That was the general idea." Duo muttered under his breath.
Heero shook his head. "I can see that I'm not getting through to you." he tried to walk over to Duo, but the American moved even further away.
Heero shook his head slowly in disappointment. "I'll see you again soon."
"I don't want you to come here again." Duo said abruptly. His eyes were determined though sad as they looked at Heero.
"Well, I want to come here again, so I'll be seeing you again soon." Heero smirked. He walked over to the exit of the room. "I won't tell anyone about this, Duo."
"Goodbye Heero." Duo said firmly.
"No Hee-chan? I'm disappointed." and with that, Heero left.
!#$%&
Duo stood in the same place, not moving a muscle, for a few minutes after Heero left. Was it possible that Heero actually cared a teensy weensy bit about him?
I'm just dreaming, Duo thought bitterly. But what was the last thing he said about? Hee-chan? He's disappointed that I no longer call him Hee-chan? But he hated me calling him that... Didn't he?
Uncertain and confused, Duo made his way back into his ward, and huddled underneath his blankets, trying to fall asleep. He would probably have been allowed to go home a while ago, but seeing as he didn't really have a home anymore -he was too afraid to return to Heero- and he had tried to commit suicide many times since coming to the hospital.
Dr Theis walked into the room, smiling broadly. "How was that? Did you have fun?"
"Yeah, heaps." Duo replied sarcastically.
The sarcasm was completely lost on Dr Theis. "That's brilliant! Because Heero's offered for you to live with him. Heero said that his old flatmate just moved out, and he misses him heaps, and he would love to have some company."
Duo stared at the doctor, flabbergasted.
No way is this happening. Heero wants me back? That's just not possible... I thought he hated me!
"So what do you say?"
"S- sure..." what else could he say? No? Heero was basically telling him that he missed him- how could he turn the offer down?
"That's excellent news! I'll inform him at once! You can move out tomorrow if you want."
"O-of course... I- I'd love to..." Duo was still in shock.
He watched, still unable to comprehend the news, as Dr Theis left the room to tell Heero that he had accepted. In a few minutes he was back.
"Mr. Yuy said that he'll come pick you up tomorrow. Is that alright?"
Duo nodded mutely.
"Excellent! We'll have to pack your things. Not that you have a lot of things to pack." Dr Theis commented. When he saw that Duo wasn't really in the mood to talk, he started to check up on the other beds.
Duo lay back in his bed, staring up at the ceiling in blank disbelief. He was once again going to be living with the only guy he wanted, yet couldn't have.
!#$%&
The next day Duo had to force himself to get out of bed- he was so nervous yet excited at the same time that he just wanted to hide under the sheets and hope that Heero would go away.
And once more leave me alone. But I don't want him to go... I don't want to be alone...
Duo soon had everything packed and was ready to go. Heero still hadn't arrived, and the American could feel nervous butterflies flitting around his stomach. What if Heero was just being cruel, and was joking around when he had said that Duo could live with him?
A familiar large black car pulled up outside the hospital, and a slightly frazzled looking Heero climbed out. He hurriedly made his way over to Duo -who had suddenly found the ground extremely interesting- and Dr Theis.
"Sorry I'm late!" Heero went to grab the bag from Duo's hand. Their hands brushed against each other, and immediately both boys were filled with a deep sense of wonder and contentment.
"I- I'll take that." Heero's voice was huskier than usual as he took hold of the bag. Heero placed the bag in the boot of his car, and opened the passenger seat door for Duo, who hesitantly climbed in. It seemed like years since he had last been within a close proximity with Heero, and had last been in his car.
Duo bid farewell to Dr Theis and watched as Heero climbed into the car. His eyes never strayed from Heero as the older boy started up the car and started to drive down the road.
"I'm glad." Heero spoke up suddenly.
Duo jumped, and saw that Heero was watching him in the rear view mirror. Duo sunk lower in his chair.
"Is that safe?" he asked. "Not to watch the road?"
Heero chuckled. It was such an alien sound -Heero had never shown signs of having emotions before- that Duo could do nothing but stare at him in absolute surprise.
"I'm not going to let you die, Duo." Heero's eyes were completely serious. "Never."
Duo swallowed visibly and looked away, a small blush on his cheeks. Heero laughed inwardly at how Duo looked the perfect image of innocence.
"What were you glad about?" Duo asked softly.
"That you're here." Heero replied truthfully. He pulled up outside the apartment. "We're here. Why don't you get yourself sorted out while I take your bag up and talk to Yoshi, who'll be keeping a secure monitor on us, to make sure that I'm not 'taking advantage of your frail state', quoting the head nurse."
Duo couldn't help but crack a smile. The corners of Heero's mouth twitched up to form a satisfied smirk.
Finally, I've gotten him to smile, the wing pilot thought. He watched almost fondly as Duo made his way up the stairs.
When Heero finally entered the apartment he found Duo lying, fast asleep, on the couch. The wing pilot frowned.
He must have been really tired, Heero thought, as he carefully picked up the sleeping boy and placed him in his old room, and gently tucked him in. It's not even noon yet- maybe he didn't get much sleep last night.
As soon as Heero had exited the room, Duo's eyes shot open and he sat up, throwing the covers off.
Looking around, a fond smile made its way to Duo's lips. It was good to be home. He explored his room inch by inch, and saw that the dark stain he had left on his carpet when he had tried to commit suicide had been scrubbed clean. Heero must've had been cleaning at that spot for hours- the colour of the carpet had been almost completely bleached in order to get the blood out.
After his inspection of the room, Duo quietly made his way outside, trying not to be noticed by his flatmate. It didn't work- Heero immediately turned around and saw him.
"You're awake." he observed.
Awkward silence stretched out between them. There were so many things that both boys wanted to tell each other, yet unable to do so. Finally Heero moved, breaking the silence.
"Lunch is ready." he said, and led the way to the kitchen.
Duo followed him like a silent ghost, doing nothing but stare. They sat down at the kitchen bench and quietly ate their meal of noodles.
Hours passed, and still neither boys said a single word. Heero started to clean the house, and Duo sat down on the sofa and read a book. Finally, night came, and Heero coughed to get Duo's attention.
"Dinner." was all the dark haired boy said.
This is so awkward, Duo thought. I wish that something would happen, something to break the silence.
But nothing happened. And after dinner had been finished, Duo excused himself from the table, saying that he was tired and had to go to bed. Heero said nothing but watched him carefully.
Duo showered, changed into his pyjamas and climbed into his old bed. The soft mattress felt like heaven after sleeping for several weeks on a mattress as hard as a wooden plank.
Yet Duo couldn't sleep- no matter how much he tossed and turned, he just couldn't get comfortable. His blankets seemed to suffocate him, yet when he threw them off, it was too cold. Finally Duo sat up and read for a while. Yet his mind couldn't concentrate on the plot, and the words blurred together.
Duo gave a frustrated groan, and decided to go and make himself a mug of hot cocoa. It had always worked before when he had had nightmares.
Duo crept along the corridor and into the kitchen. He was about to turn on the lights when a sound floated into his earshot.
What's that? What if it's a burglar? Duo thought, panic seeping through his veins.
He strained his ears, trying to hear the sound again. He heard it more clearly this time, and it sounded like- Duo shook his head.
Impossible.
Yet there was the sound again- it had to be! Duo switched on the light, and stared.
It was horrifying.
The Perfect Soldier was crying.
Heero's head shot up and he stared in disbelief at Duo. It was obvious to see that he had been crying even if Duo hadn't heard him- his eyes were bleary and red, and his cheeks were tear streaked and blotchy.
"Heero?" Duo took a hesitant step forward. "H- Heero? What's wrong?"
Heero hastily, almost angrily, wiped away his tears. "Why are you awake?" he demanded, avoiding Duo's question. "You should be resting."
"I couldn't sleep." Duo was standing right next to where Heero was sitting.
"Did I wake you up?" Heero asked.
"No." Duo shook his head. "Heero?"
Heero looked away, obviously embarrassed at his lack of composure.
"Hee-chan?" Duo asked tentatively.
Heero's head snapped around so fast, Duo was afraid that he would get whiplash. The corners of his lips twitched, as if he wanted to smile, yet he was afraid to.
"It feels like forever since you last called me that." Heero whispered. He wiped his eyes once more. "Don't tell anyone about tonight." he commanded. "It wouldn't do wonders for my reputation."
Duo lowered his eyes. It seemed that the old, stoic Heero was back. For a while there, the Perfect Soldier had almost seemed human.
Heero saw the sorrowful look on Duo's face and cursed himself inwardly.
How is it that no matter what I do to make him feel better, I always stuff up?
"Duo."
Duo looked up at him. "Yes?"
"Why?"
Although he said nothing else to clarify his question, Duo knew immediately what he was talking about.
"It's personal." Duo muttered.
"Am I not your friend?"
Duo stared at him. "I hope so." he smiled hesitantly. "But I don't know if I'm your friend."
Heero's eyebrows knitted together to form a disbelieving frown.
H-he doesn't know whether I consider him my friend? Have I treated him that badly?
"You're the first friend I've ever had." Heero replied truthfully.
You're one of the only friends I've ever had.
A light blush covered Duo's cheeks. "That's... encouraging."
"You're encouraging." Heero said quietly. "That is, until you tried to kill yourself. Just tell me, Duo. I'm going to find out one way or another- either I'll tickle you until you give up or you're going to give me the answer voluntarily."
Duo paled and backed off. The last time he had been death tickled- as he called it- by Heero, whose hands seemed to know his body perfectly, he had almost given away ever single dark secret he possessed, including the fact that he was madly and deeply in love with the stoic wing pilot.
"I- I... I'm in love with someone." Duo admitted. Was it just his imagination or did Heero's face just fall? No- he had to be imagining things. Why would Heero be disappointed?
"With who?"
Duo's blush came back at full force. "That's a secret. I- I can't tell you." Because it's you.
"Fine." Heero sighed. "But why did you try to die over that small insignificant detail? Surely love isn't worth dying for." the brunette looked skeptical.
Duo's mouth opened in disbelief. "Hee-chan! How can you say that? Can you honestly tell me that you've never been in love?" he demanded.
I guess that means that he was never in love with me. It was impossible anyway, but that just confirms it.
"I don't think so." Heero replied, though he looked doubtful.
Duo snorted. "That's gotta be impossible! Love is..." Duo paused, trying to find the right words. "Wonderful."
"Wonderful?" Heero sounded even more skeptical. "It sounds incredibly normal and boring."
"It's hard to describe- at times it makes you feel like you own the world... everything's going your way, life suddenly seems so much better, the flowers suddenly smell a whole lot sweeter."
"It sounds like a load of bullshit." Heero snorted.
Duo silenced him with a glare ."But at other times... it makes you feel like the dirt beneath the person you love's feet, because they don't know how much they're hurting you by saying a particular sentence-"
"Wait, wait, wait." Heero interrupted. "What do you mean, the person doesn't know?"
Duo looked at him with surprise. "Well, they don't know that I love them."
"Well why not?" Heero demanded.
Duo shrugged. "I don't have the guts to tell them."
"Well then how do you know if they love you back or not?"
Duo shook his head sadly. "I know they don't like me." he said softly. "It's pretty obvious."
"But how do you know for sure?"
"Since when have you been a love guru?" Duo asked, an eyebrow raised.
Heero paused before answering. "The way you described love... I think I am in love."
"Really?" Duo stared at him.
The Perfect Soldier is in love? he thought, half amused, half shocked. He's probably in love with Relena.
"Relena, right?" to his surprise and delight, Heero shuddered violently.
"Hell no!" he blurted out.
Duo burst out laughing, although his eyes still contained a small glint of sorrow. "I take that as a very strong negative. So who are you in love with?"
"I'll only tell you if you tell me first." Heero replied slyly.
If he doesn't love me- which he won't- then I'll make some crap reply, Heero decided. His fingers were shaking with the anxiety he felt. He's going to say.. I don't know... some girl he met at the park or something. Good God- what if he says Relena? He said that it was pretty obvious that they didn't like him, and Relena definitely hates him- and he tried to commit suicide that day that we went to the pool, and Relena treated him like shit that day.
Duo's blush worsened. "I can't."
"Can't or won't?" Heero demanded.
"It's... it's embarrassing." Duo muttered.
Heero rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Just tell me."
Duo gathered all of his courage, steeled his nerves and blocked out the voice in his head that was yelling at him to stop- telling him that this was suicide and that Heero was going to kill him- and kissed Heero full on the lips.
Oh God.. he's going to kill me... was the first thought that ran through Duo's mind. He hurriedly pulled away, and was about to run back to his bedroom and cry his heart out, completely ignoring the saying boy's don't cry.' It didn't matter now- nothing did.
What happened next completely floored him. Heero kissed him back. The passion contained within their kiss left Duo breathless and wanting more. He could feel Heero's smooth lips on his, demanding and persistent, his hands gripping Duo's clothes tightly as if afraid that this was some sort of hallucination and that if he didn't hold on tight enough, Duo was simply going to disappear.
Finally lack of air came to be a bit of a problem, and Duo pulled away, gasping for breath.
"Why-? How-?" he gasped out, disbelief written all over his face.
Am I dreaming? he wondered in amazement.
"Love you." was all that Heero said, before attacking Duo's lips once more with vigour, yet it was enough.
Duo smiled into their kiss and allowed Heero to take control, not complaining as the older -and more experienced- boy slipped his hand under his shirt, his cool fingers tracing patterns on his flushed skin.
But when Heero's hands started to make their way down his body, Duo stiffened and pulled back.
"No!" his breathing was short and ragged, and his chest heaved up and down. "No, Heero, don't."
Heero frowned deeply. "Why not?" he demanded. He was still on top of Duo, their legs intertwined, perched pecariously on the edge of the couch.
"I'm not ready for that." Duo's large violet eyes looked imploringly up at Heero. "Please, Hee-chan. I can't deal with that right now."
Heero looked disappointed, but nodded. "Of course. As you wish." he glanced at the time. "We should be going to bed.
Yet neither boy budged a muscle. Duo couldn't, but nor did he want to. His fingers were buried into Heero's messy crop of brown hair, and he could feel Heero's racing heart through the thin material of their t-shirts.
Finally Heero climbed off reluctantly, his hand reaching for Duo's, and their fingers intertwined. It was so odd to think that Heero actually had deep emotions such as love.
He loves me... Heero loves me! Realisation fully hit Duo, and he suddenly hugged Heero tightly, burying his face into the crook of Heero's neck.
The taller boy flinched at the sudden contact, then relaxed, and held Duo against him, worried.
Is he crying? Maybe he didn't like that... but he was the one who kissed me first! Heero's mind raced over what could possibly be wrong.
"Duo?"
"You love me. You actually love me." Duo's muffled voice was full of choked emotion. "I thought that you hated me."
"Why would you think that?"
Duo flushed. "It's nothing."
Heero raised an eyebrow doubtfully, but didn't press the subject. "It's close to 3am."
Duo nodded and pulleed away. He reluctantly let go of Heero's hand and walked over to the entrance of his bedroom.
"Will you..." Duo began but trailed off.
This is so embarrassing, he thought, his blush deepening into a steady crimson. How am I supposed to ask Heero to stay with me?
Heero's eyes lit up and he wrapped his arm around Duo's waist possessively. He led Duo towards the bed and watched as the long haired boy climbed in, leaving a large space for Heero, who was staring oddly at the bleached spot in the carpet.
"Hee-chan?" Duo asked tentatively.
Has he changed his mind?
Heero's eyes sought out Duo's violet orbs. They were dead serious, and never left Duo's gaze as he climbed in and wrapped his arms around Duo's lithe body.
"Don't you ever try to commit suicide again." he whispered, his voice low and rough with raw emotion. "If you die, I'll die."
Duo reached out and stroked Heero's slightly tanned cheek with a finger. It was obvious that Heero was still uncomfortable with the intimate contact. as he flinched slightly and edged away. Then he relaxed and leaned into Duo's touch.
"Then I won't die." Duo whispered back, grinning lopsidedly.
Heero snorted softly and rolled his eyes, and flipped onto his back, pulling Duo so that the younger boy was lying cuddled up against his side, his head resting on the brunette's chest.
"Goodnight Duo." Heero mumbled, quickly falling asleep.
"Sweet dreams." Duo murmured back, already half asleep.
Soon both of them were fast asleep, both fully content with life.
!#$%&()
Author's notes: Well, there you go! Another chapter!! Woah.. 14 pages on microsoft word.. this is a new record, lol .
Thanks to: Nephtyr, camillian, Ink2, Luna, Hazel-Beka, fiery-icicles, scotty-lass, Dark Sadistic Angel, foxhiei and Demonskid.