Chapter 11
I was pretty groggy in the morning, but I was awake enough to see some of the people waiting to visit with me…Trish and Mark were of course the first two to come in the room, Trish gave me a long hug and said, "How you feeling sweetie?" I said, "Not too bad, I'm a little dizzy from the pain meds but I'm okay other then that…" Trish said, "Did they tell you?" I said, "About the Ectopic? Yea." She said, "You okay as far as that goes?" I said, "Yea, I think it happened for a reason, God knew we weren't ready to have a family of any kind…its okay, when it's meant to happen, it will."
Mark gave me a hug also, and said, "Hurry up and get better so we can get back on the road…" I said, "The doctor is releasing me in a couple of days…can't have sex for a while, and not allowed to try for kids for a good 3 months, and no wrestling for 4 months, but other then that, I'm just fine." Trish said, "Well we'll let you go, Paul wants to come in and talk with you." I said, "Oh…ok." They left and Paul came in about 5 minutes later.
Paul walked in and said, "Hi." I said, "Hi…what are you hiding from me?" Paul said, "Well, I noticed something about myself that I didn't like yesterday…" I said, "What's that?"
He said, "The fact that I was such an asshole to you, I couldn't believe I slammed my pregnant wife into a mirror…I was so mad, but I was so stupid at the same time, you know after you belted me, I was actually nauseas, I threw up like 6 or 7 times…It sank in that I really hadn't been much of a husband since I started hanging out with Sean, Mike and Monty again…and I really hate myself for that…and you losing the baby was just one more confirmation to add to the pile…Vince is giving me a leave of absence for a while, he left the return date open, he said I can decide when I want to come back…I seriously need to sit back and re-evaluate my life right now…"
Paul sighed and Continued, "And I can't ask you to stand by me while I'm doing this, cause I don't want to ever become aggravated enough to ever hurt you again, and while I'm doing this, I don't know what I'll be feeling, and I don't want you to be in the way…I'm going to start going to anger management and I'm going to get some kind of counseling…I never want what happened yesterday to happen ever again with us…I'm going to file for a trial separation, and move some of my things to a hotel in town…stay in the house, as soon as I get things figured out and worked out the way I want them, I'll come back…and well get things back on track…"
I said, "You're just giving up like that? You're actually going to walk away from your career…away from the dedication to your career and this business…and you're going to just walk away from me? Don't you think I want to help you if you're going through something?" Paul said, "I'm not really walking away, I'm just taking a much needed vacation…I have to, if I don't I'll end up doing something stupid again and next time it could be worse."
I said, "Paul, you need to learn to put a little faith into other people…You're dedication to that business and your career is one of the reasons I fell in love with you…you need to learn that you can't handle everything on your own…that just because you're a solo wrestler doesn't mean you have a solo marriage…there's a reason they call it a marriage, it's so if one of the them stumbles, the other one is there to help them, care for them…I don't understand why you have to be so stubborn about this…why you can't just talk to me about it…I mean I might not have the answer, but what makes you think I wouldn't give up my life to help you look for one? I mean right now if you asked me to leave the WWE, and be a stay at home wife and have kids, I would do it…I would do it cause I love you…I would hate being away from you constantly, but I would do it."
Paul said, "Don't say that…you have a life, you had one before me, and you have one with me…that's what made me fall in love with you, that just despite how much money Shane made you still be came a doctor…you gave yourself a permanent title that no one can take away from you…you can heal people, you can help them, you can diagnose what's wrong with people…it's amazing the things you know about the human body…I just want to have you sign the papers and then I'm leaving…I'll keep my cell with me and you can call when ever you want…and I'll call ever once in a while and let you know how I'm doing…"
I finally agreed to the whole stupid process and signed the papers…Paul picked up his jacket and gave me a kiss on the forehead and left my life as quickly as he entered it…I sat and wondered when he would re-emerge himself back into my life…I couldn't imagine having my life with him, I mean I was proud of him taking responsibility for his actions…but part of me wanted to be with him and to help him, even though I knew it wouldn't do any good.