Chapter 13
I was spending my off time with Trish and Marcus while at the hotel but mostly with Glenn and Mark during the shows…we would sit in their dressing room and talk and laugh for hours…Paul called me one night while I was sitting in Glenn and Marks dressing room with Lisa (Ivory), Trish and Marcus. I answered my phone, "Hello" He said, "Hey sweetie."
I said, "Paul…Hi, what's up?" He said, "Nothing really, I just needed to hear your voice." I said, "How is everything going?" Paul said, "As good as this kind of stuff can go, I guess ok." I said, "That's good.." He said, "I won't keep you…take care…I love you." I said, "Yea, you too…ditto." We hung up…Paul could hear the distance in my voice and the fact I didn't want to say I loved him back weighted on his mind.
Marcus noticed my mood change a little…and said, "Paul?" I said, "Yea." Lisa said, "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be back soon." Mark and Glenn looked at me and knew something was wrong…especially since it had been 3 months since I had heard anything from Paul since his departure in my life…I said, "Sure." Trish said, "What's the matter sweetie?" I said, "What makes it okay for him to just call me out of the blue after not hearing a thing from him in 3 months?" Trish said, "I don't know, maybe the fact that you guys are still married would be one of the options I imagine…"
I stood up and said, "We are legally separated and I know but how long is this going to last, for all I know, he's running around naked having sex with all these girls who are constantly falling all over him…I mean what if he really wasn't ready to be married, I mean maybe he hasn't stopped dating yet, and is just waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on me about not wanting to be married?" Trish said, "Don't be silly…he loves you Chelle…" I said, "Does he? I mean, can you tell me that for sure?" Trish said, "No, but you should know he loves you more then anything…"
I said, "How can I know anything about that man? I mean we've been together for 7 years and he's been my husband for 3 of those years, and I still can't get him to fully open up to me…keeping secrets in the back of his mind and not talking to me about how he feels…I mean when he blew up at me 3 months ago, he himself said, he wasn't even mad at me, it was just because he had some things on his mind, I mean even then he wasn't being truthful to himself or to me."
Marcus said, "Okay, can we just calm down here for a minute, Paul's one of my friends…he would never put you through this intentionally if he didn't love you…he wouldn't make you wait for him to get better if he didn't love you…Paul loves you, you've just got to stop reading more into it then what's really there. He'll be back soon…and he'll want you back and you guys can get back on track and have a 100 babies or what ever your little hearts desire…"
I walked over to the door and opened it to leave, and before I did and turned back around and said, "Yea…but when he comes here and wants me back…(I looked at the ground and then back up to everyone's faces in the dressing room)…what if I don't want him anymore?" I walked out and closed the door behind me…