Chapter 16
I guess things can only go as good as can be expected…I wasn't sure about a lot of things, but I was sure about me feelings for Mark, and his feelings for me…The more me and Trish talked the happier she was for me…Marcus on the other hand wasn't so happy when he found out Mark and I were dating…I mean we weren't really getting too serious about each other, we were just holding hands and sneaking kisses when we could…Shane found out and started having me walk Mark out to the ring…or should I say ride out…god I love that motorcycle…it gave me a reason to have my arms around Mark…which he's got a shit load of heat radiating off his body…oh so nice…
After we had just been dating for 2 months, pretty much everyone knew it…Marcus and Trish came off their leave, and Marcus couldn't stand by and watch us…but it wasn't like we were doing anything in front of anyone…like I said the most we did in front of anyone was hold hands, hug or sneak kisses…and I don't mean the kind of kisses where you check each others tonsils either…Marcus wasn't really mad at Mark but he was more mad at me…and always had this disgusted tone in his voice…and finally one night before a show, I took him into one of the empty locker rooms and said, "What's your problem Mark?" He looked at me and said, "Truthfully?" I said, "Yea, let's start with the truth first and then move on."
Mark sighed heavy and said, "Okay, first of all, how can you do this to Paul? The man is away getting help for his problems, and your running around here with Calloway like you're married or teenagers again…Paul's you're husband…don't forget that…"
I said, "First of all, how can I do this to Paul??? What exactly did I do to Paul that he didn't already do to himself…I told that man I would stand by his side and help him go through all the bullshit if he would just explain to me what the bullshit was…but you didn't honestly think he would talk to me about it? I'm just his wife…why do that, it would actually mean he had some kind of brain...or heart…I told him I didn't have the answers but I'd give up everything in my life to help him and he wouldn't even let me…it's just something else to add to the pile of shit excuses he can use to keep pushing me away…first it was because I had been married to Shane, then it was because I couldn't pregnant, then it was because his idiot friends told him I was the locker room whore when he was in the ring…and before he left he said it wasn't even me, it was something totally different…he changed his story and excuse so many times…I'm just tired of waiting around for him to grow a backbone and commit to our marriage…I think after everything I've been through in the last 8 years, I deserve to have someone care for me for once."
Mark said, "So this is all about you then?"
I said, "Don't come at me with that 'all about you' bullshit, cause you know as well as anyone else in this stupid company that I had a hard time with Shane's bullshit and then him cheating on me, we had a rocky divorce…then I finally found someone who loved me, and it seems he can't get into adult mode, so within the last 8 years, I've been through two guys and neither one of them had any respect for me…they don't care about my feelings, they want it to be all about them, well I'm tired of my life being all about them…so I guess in a way it is about me, but in a way it's more about my heart then anything, I'm tired of giving it to guys who don't deserve having it…I'm tired of falling in love and getting hurt every time…maybe I fall in love to easy, maybe I am a locker room whore as everyone seems to think of me that way…maybe for once in my life I'm thinking about me first and the consequences later…Maybe I've got my best interest at heart, cause I'm tired of no one giving a damn…Mark does something for me…you know what he does…"
Mark said, "No…what exactly does Calloway do for you?" I said, "He cares…he just cares…it feels good to know I can be in such a foul mood and when I see him, he can instantly bring a smile to my face, he can make me laugh harder then anyone I've ever known in my life…"