Glitter Rock Star
By: Squishy Gamgee. [A.K.A the stark raving lunatic on Amp!]
Written for Roy. I hope you don't get too mad at me, but it HAS to be done, and cheers Ezy, hope you think this is funny. Because if you don't, then its utter crap. Anyhow, on with the absurd idea called a story.
This has got to be the most humiliating thing I've ever done in my life. I mean, leather, no tight leather, pants. Glitter, everywhere. Not to mention the eyeliner, and lip gloss. Damn the age I was born into, damn the seventies to hell. Those joint smoking, crazed lunatics who made up these stupid fashion trends. It leaves nothing and I mean absolutely bloody nothing to the imagination. There's more I can see now than I even thought could even be possible to see if I weren't stark naked. It's like having a second skin. And let me tell you, at the height of this fashion craze, is not washing. No bathing, showering, scrubbing. Nothing at all. And let me be the first to say standing over the fumes of noxious potions all day in my free time only makes my hair appear unwashed. So I also am starting to not only smell ever so slightly, but sweat in these tight pants. Only making them more uncomfortable. I shudder to think how I must look. But I am forced out into the open, into the Great Hall for breakfast. Damn Slytherins and their ambitions. Lucius' ambitions are to strive in humiliating each and every one of his friends. Or so it seems. Lets just hope that I am the first and last, because I wouldn't wish this horrible experience upon anyone. I can already hear the laughter, but alas nothing reaches my ears. My Kohl smeared eyes scanned the hall quickly. Everybody was staring. At me. Damnit.
Surprisingly they all just blinked, but no laughter. Instead, whispers broke out amongst the tables, I could hear from this end of the Hufflepuff house, dunder heads all of them I tell you, anyway, they are wondering who this 'hot guy' was. Hot, where? I turned around quickly looking behind me. Damn coward Lucius wasn't behind me anymore, he was already seated in his regular seat, smiling like the cat who swallowed the canary. Did nobody recognize me with my hair pulled back? Lucius did tie it back, and put some sort of, glue, no gel, that he is fascinated in, in my hair. Not only effectively holding it down, but making it hard. As he says, rather perversely might I add, "Some like it hard." Asshole. I'm so going to kill him for this. Remembering my end of the deal I 'sauntered' as he wanted me to over to my seat next to him. I flashed him a grin as I did so. Part of our deal also. I can't even remember when the last time I actually grinned, or smiled… whatever. But this felt weird, it wax forced, but it for some reason reached my eyes. No one was calling me greasy or sneering at me. Wow. I'm turning soft. Must stop before I decide to do something drastic like keep this fashion thing up. Mustn't do that. NO that would be totally wrong.
I could still feel the whole Halls eyes on me as I started to place food on my plate and start eating, whilst laughing at some stupid remarks Lucius was making to Narcissa Black about her daft sod of a cousin. Who, by the way, had just come into the hall with his cronies Lupin and Pettigrew. Potter was nowhere to be found. Good. I was smirking slightly when I heard. "Oi! You…Slytherin…you!" Black. Damnit he saw me, I pretended not to hear, or I just stared blankly at him. "You look oddly familiar… what's your name anyway?" Black said almost shouting across the hall. I wasn't allowed to tell. I shrugged and started to pale, if that was possible, when Lucius started to speak.
"My dear Sirius," the name was said, dripping with loathing, "don't tell me you cannot figure out who this handsome young man is?" With an arch of his 'delicate' platinum eyebrow, and a tinge of laughter in his voice, Lucius was going to make a fool out of me, but that was the whole pint of this, unless I was missing something. "Just look around, who is missing? And who is usually here? I never knew that you were that daft Black. I could feel the eyes I've always loathed boring into my cheek. I refused to look at him, and Lucius seemed to notice. Elbowing me hard in the side I snarled lowly at him before catching his glance. Oh damn. Another command. I rolled my eyes harshly and looked up at Black disdainfully. They way I usually looked at him. His blue eyes widened considerably. "S-surely you jest? This can't be him…" What was that? Was the almighty Sirius Black stuttering. Yes, oh yes. This is sure to be an advantage on my part.
"Oh, I am not. This is one hundred percent, the full thing, brand new…" Lively gray eyes smirked at me tantalizingly. "Severus Snape."
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Before this goes any further, I shall explain how I got into this little ordeal. You see, we Slytherins love to party. Drinks, food, girls, alcohol, music. You name it we have it. And the occasional joint, or an assortment of drugs. But not for me thanks. I will not succumb to muggle drugs when I have potions. Anyway, this was just another one of Lucius' great- let's-throw-a-party-just-for-us-guys-for-the-hell-of-it ideas. It was Of course, me, Lucius, Avery, Nott, Crabbe, Goyle, and Lestrange. For some reason unexplained, only Lucius and I are able to refer to each other by first name, unless we are pissed off, or pissed, then we call each other Malfoy and Snape. Which is more than fifty percent of the time. And we were having fun getting drunk when, as Lucius sees it, agreed to let him fix me up. I must've thought date-wise. But oh-no was I wrong! The next morning, this morning, I was yelling and hexing everything that moved because I was so livid that he had tricked me yet again. Of course the other imbeciles I call friends sided with him, saying I had just agreed, not on any circumstances, and to do anything he told me too. That, was a BIG mistake that I will never repeat. Hopefully.
So I, not wanting to seem like a coward, and I am not the type to back out of an agreement, sucked it up and let Lucius dress and smear me with whatever he calls this. Makeup I think. Of course I regretted that immediately. He picked out his rather constricting blood red leather trousers, one of his taught black band shirts, sporting the silver Weird Sisters emblem on it. And to finish off the ensemble, black dragon hide boots. After much difficulty in getting into the clothes, and much swearing on my part, I let him fix my hair and face the way he wanted to. He's not a Malfoy for anything. He knows every single little fashion tip, what's in, what's not, what would look stunning on me, or any other given person in the school. Must be this sixth sense almost. I just don't know how to explain it, and I do not wish to know. First he attacked my eyes with this.. Pencil like contraption and left a dark mahogany smear along the very rims of my eyelids. Then he slapped, or rather dabbed heavily, a dark almost black reddish color kohl over my eyelids. Oh yay, this is the part I hated the most. The lip gloss. He couldn't just let my lips alone, oh no. He had to make them look shinier, wetter. The works. All within this simple little tube like thing. Thank the gods it was clear. But I corrected myself after what he did next. The lip gloss seemed to be the thing I liked the most now as he yet again attacked my face with a large round brush. Glitter. It clung to the makeup that was already there. So we had to take off the lip gloss and do that again. I was ready to join Dumbledore just so I could kill the bastard.
I now feel fully for the girls who deem it healthy to spend hours getting ready. It took almost an hour for Lucius to get my makeup just right. The glitter, well it made me look like a ponce I thought. But, whatever. I agreed to do it, my mistake. When I moved to get up, he shoved me roughly back down into the chair.
"Oh you're not getting away with hair like that Severus. It will only take a little while longer." Oh Lucius sounded so gleeful. I wanted to box him right in that pretty little nose of his. After another grueling hour of pain. I felt as if my scalp was going to fall right off of my head. The yanking, slathering with mysterious products, the inserting of little thing called elastics, or just one. And I was done. Scowling more than I had in a long long time. I admired myself in the full mirror in the bathroom. I almost had a heart attack. It looked NOTHING like me! The glitter took the ticket though. My eyes were lightly dusted, and it highlighted my cheeks. I had to admit, it did make me look good, but I'll never say it out loud. And that's how I ended up this way. Lucius' puppet.
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"T-that's SNAPE!" Black almost screamed. Oh.. Where is a camera when you need one. This was priceless the look on his face. That attracted everyone's attention. "Oh yes, it is me Black. Who would've thought?" A smirk found its way onto my mouth. I knew I looked good, and Black looked horrified to think so too. He physically blanched as he made his was to his usual seat at his table. Oh everybody knew that Black batted for both teams. And well. He wouldn't have a chance to play for my team anytime soon. I think it would be the day Hell froze, thawed, and froze again before I let him even touch me with a ten foot pole. The hall started to titter with laughter a bit. Not at me, but at Black. He was twitching slightly, and his mates were still trying to calm him down. I guess that was worth this trouble… Maybe. Just maybe.
"So my dear Severus. I expect that wasn't exactly the reaction you thought you'd get from Black, eh? He's not usually the type to back down. Takes a lot of work that one" Oh sick Lucius. Sick. I never want to hear any innuendos referring to Black. Any Black, no matter which one. But as usual, I had my expression, or rather no expression, on as I nodded towards Lucius. "Of course not, but there are good things in every situation I guess."
A/N... This is just a trial fic. If people like then I will continue to get to the part about being a 'Rock Star' Review if you want. If not, then, w/e