Chapter three: Not as boring as some might think…
Monday October 18th
4:13 pm
Almost there…whoo, I really need a wash. Once I get to the Ford of Bruinen I can get all clean.
Saturday October 23rd
10:09 am
Ah, the Ford at last. Now I can get all squeaky clean.
Oh-oh, dead, rotting horses and some black cloaks. I have a sneaking suspicion that something horrible happened here, but I can't be stuffed to care. The poncy elves will know all about it, I bet.
11:14 am
Typico.
Ah well, nice and clean…
Sunday October 24th
7:05 pm
Elfyland (aka Poncy elf-a-gogo land)
Civilization at last…well, elves at any rate. I saw Elrond (king of the elves in drag, hahaha) and he told me that I had a room ready and asked me to attend this council tomorrow morning where "all your problems will be explained". I would speak Elvish but sadly, not only am I not an elf, they would also maim me for mangling their language. Also I am too lazy and tired and road-weary to bother.
7:10 pm
Eru almighty, now I remember why I wanted Faramir to come. Not only are elves poncy, they're boring to boot. As I have told both Faramir and Vati multiple times, I am NOT a diplomat. Sadly they do not realize this and send me off to the land of the drag-wearing elves. Well, I will not go out of my way to make life pleasant for either of them when I get back.
7:11 pm
If I get back.
8:50 pm
Was just in the Hall of Mural-ness (well, I call it that, they call it…something else…) and I was looking at the pretty murals depicting Isildur severing the Ring (and several fingers) from Sauron's (aka Mr. Spiky's) hand when I saw this ranger reading a book (probably only looking at the pictures…hahaha I can be hilariously cutting when I try). He looked like he had recently had his first bath in weeks, which was a plus. So anyway, we struck up a conversation (ish) and I picked up the hilt of Narsil.
"The shards of Narsil," I said. "The blade that cut the Ring from Sauron's hand." I gripped the hilt and ran my finger along the edge of the remaining blade like a prat. One wouldn't really expect a 3000 year old sword fragment to still be sharp, but it was, and now I'm pretty sure I'll have an interesting fingertip scar from now on. But back to the story.
"Still sharp." I looked with wonder at the ranger, and then Vati's blood took hold. "But no more than a broken heirloom," I growled, placed the sword hilt back on the table, and began to walk away.
Unfortunately I had placed it precariously and the stupid thing fell off, clattering on the floor. I looked back, then ignored it and went to my room.
Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow. Crapsticks, this hurts. Why do superficial little owies like this hurt more than deep, cleaving slashes? The world may never know. My punishment for treating Narsil with little to no respect, I guess. I think I have a hemorrhage, and considering that I don't even know what that means it's probably pretty bad.
9:10 pm
Faramir probably knows. What I wouldn't give for some non-elf company aside from that ranger. He's as good as an elf himself, anyway.
9:15 pm
Hmm. Then again so is my dear baby bro.
9:16 pm
He'd probably be having a grand old time here, chatting it up with some elves, in Elvish of course. Tosser.
9:20 pm
I cannot believe that we are related, although he does have my good looks, and I am not kidding. I'm not self-obsessed or anything, but everyone says that I am seriously good-looking. Including my pater.
Then again he never hesitates to praise me and chastise Farars in the same breath, so I'm not sure.
9:40 pm
Haha, Farars. I remember when he used to call me Borors and I called him Farars. Good times.
9:42 pm
If I remember correctly that was before my pyromaniac stage. Must have been, because that's what mum called us.
11:30 pm
Got bored, and went out for a walk. I was silently stalking around in the cool night air and such when I came upon this bridge. The ranger and some elf (who I understand to be drag queen's daughter) were standing on the bridge talking. The elf gave Ranger a pendant and then they snogged! Hilarious, really. I think they may have gotten up to six (tongues). I said "Erlack" in a nice way, meaning "Oh dear, I am sorry I intruded on your snog fest and will pretend to leave but really continue watching from a distance," but they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't even notice. Hahahahahahahahahaha.
Elfyland is not as boring as some might think.
midnight
Hahahahahahahahaha. Oh, Manwë in Oiolossë (yes, I have studied the Ainulindalë, Valaquenta, Quenta Silmarillion, and the Akallabêth). Hahahahahahaha. That was just too funny.
1:08 am
Should I tell Elrond?
1:08 am and 30 secs
Nah…