A/N: This is just a pointless AU one-shot, and basically the result of too much Mountain
Dew at 1 AM watching The Butterfly Effect. (Don't ask.)
My muses aren't even hanging around, so it's just me. Plain ol' me. XD
I'll tell you who everyone was, or at least the inspiration for them, at the end. Try and see
how many you get.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, movies, quotes, storylines, anything.
Seriously. I don't. All I own is waaay too much Mountain Dew and too many DVDs.
Also, don't tell me that the cussing is too bad for a PG-13 rating, because I've heard the
F-word in several PG-13 movies. Like Timeline. I watched it tonight... last night...
whatever.
-----
"Rollin' fattys, smokin blunts, who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts. Rollin'
blunts and smokin'..." Shikamaru was singing when a kid approached him.
"Uh, let me have a nickel bag," the kid said.
"Fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand, if that money doesn't show, then you
owe me, owe me, owe, my jungle love, yeah, owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, I think I want to know
ya, know ya, yeah, what?" Shikamaru sang, bag in one hand, the other opened for money.
"What the hell are you singing?" the kid asked.
"You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and
sent down to the greatest band in the world: the mother-fcking Time," Shika replied,
incredulous that the kid didn't know it.
"You mean the guys in that Prince movie?"
"Yeah, Purple Rain," Quiet Chouji told him.
"Man, that shit was so gay-- fcking eighties style," the kid said, giving them the money
and taking off with his nickel bag.
"You know what Quiet Chouji? Let's take a walk. It sucks here," Shika said.
Quiet Chouji nodded and they walked down the street. Shika lit a cigarette and took a
drag, damn that felt good. He and Quiet Chouji had been best friends forever, but he had
only ever heard the guy say a couple of sentences and monologues. He just didn't talk.
Ate, but didn't talk. Shika, on the other hand, talked a lot. He liked to talk. He liked
cigarettes, too.
"Hey, look! It's that reporter chick from Channel 3!" Shika said, pointing to a flurry of
pink hair. "Let's go get an autograph." They started on their way over when a guy called
down to her from a window a few floors up.
"Hey, Sakura, Donnie and the boys are on the line, they say it's important!"
"Alright, Charles, I'll be right up!" she replied, and headed back into the building.
"Aw, damn, we missed her. Screw this puppy, where do you wanna go?" Quiet Chouji
made a motion with his hands. Shika knew he was doing the rolling of a video camera.
"Yeah, let's go down to the movie lots. Maybe we'll see someone famous or something."
So they took the subway and hung around outside the movie gates. They weren't
supposed to, but they kept coming back and eventually the guards gave up throwing them
out into the street. Caused too many wrecks or something.
Sure enough, a green-clad guy strolled out with a woman in a weird looking dress. Shika
recognized the guy as the action hero Rock Lee. His last girlfriend had been in love with
guy (creepy) and mentioned that he was starring in an action remake of Robin Hood.
Wasn't he the guy that wore tights or somethin'? Shika wondered. He shrugged.
Whatever.
The girl he knew to be one of those up-and-coming hot actresses. She was a foreigner,
and had accent that sounded like Austin Powers, but still hot. Even in that weird looking
dress. Her name was... what was her name? Heenana? Nihana? Nihata? Hinata! That was
it!
"I love doing my own stunts. It hurts, but never mind the pain! Did you know I've broken
several bones? Twice? Yeah, but pain's okay. I like pain," Lee said. Shika thought that
the guy must've seriously smoked waaay too much shit.
"You like pain? Trying wearing a corset," Hinata replied, and left. Shika turned and
looked at Quiet Chouji.
"What's a corset?" He received a shrug. "Eh. This is boring. If nobody's gonna speak
Americanese, let's go somewhere else."
They took off walking again. As they walked past the high-rise section, Shika looked up
at the bank clock to see what time it was. Eh, still too damn early. He felt a tugging and
looked at Quiet Chouji, who pointed up. A guy was on a little ledge, way up there. He
looked like he was talking on the phone or something.
"What the hell?" Shika asked. The guy looked like he was trying to go somewhere, but
gave up and went back in. "What was that all about?"
Quiet Chouji shrugged. He didn't know. As Shika tried to think about it, he caught sight
of a hot chick on a motorcycle. She had here hair slicked into two buns and wore what
looked like a black catsuit or something. Shika was in love. He was just beginning the
fantasy when the guy was from earlier was walked out and put into a car. He looked back
in time just to see the girl speed off.
"Damn! There goes the love of my life!" Shika cried out. Quiet Chouji rolled his eyes.
Shika did this a lot. Soon, the girl was forgotten, Shika had lit another cigarette, and they
were on there way again.
They decided to rest on some steps. They were big steps, too, leading up to one of those
huge buildings with columns in the front. Somebody sure was rich, Shika decided. He
couldn't help but overhear a weird conversation from the two guys in front of him.
The one guy looked like he was half-animal or something and was chewing on a cigar.
The other guy looked like a seventies reject with shaggy silver hair and one of those
go-tee things or whatever they were.
"Look, bub, just give me the directions to Winchester, New York, got it?" Animal-Guy
said.
"Alright, mister, just give me a sec and it'll all be groovy, okay?" the reject said, getting a
map out of a the dash of a one-effin'-colorful van. "Zoinks, this map is mess!"
"You know what, forget it, hippie," Animal-Guy growled and walked towards a camper.
"Wait, mister, I found it!" the so-called hippie said.
As they were talking, a guy was thrown out of the big building by a cop. He wore a black
suit and sunglasses. He stood up, brushed himself off as if it that happened everyday, and
looked around. He approached the two guys talking, and it became three guys talking.
"Hey, I need a ride to New York to find a friend. You headed that way?"
"Yeah, I am, or trying to," Animal-Guy said, glaring at the hippie guy. Shika found this
all really amusing. He lit another cigarette.
"You know what, man? Just take the map," he said, handing the map over and walking
back to the colorful van.
"I'm Shino. You got a name?" the suit guy asked.
"Kiba. And that's enough of those damn questions," Animal-Guy replied, as they got into
the camper.
A few minutes later some others came out and join the guy in the van. Two hot girls.
Some guy. But two hot girls. Shika was in fantasy land again, but he did hear the other
guy ask the hippie guy something.
"Hey, 'Kashi, where's the map?"
They soon drove away, however, and Shika was pulled out of fantasy land. He sighed,
stubbed out his cigarette, and told Quiet Chouji they were going by the college so he
could stare at the hot girls.
On the way there, they passed a guy with a huge dog. He had his hair pulled back in a
spiky ponytail and looked panicked. The dog was sniffing around. The guy was stopping
everyone-- including them-- and asked if they'd seen a guy walking around in nineteenth
century clothing. They had shaken their heads, petted the dog, and kept on walking, but
did hear the guy say, "Smooth move, Iruka! Leave him alone for one minute..."
The arrived at the college campus and wondered around a bit. Shika fell in love with
another girl, this one a blonde in a pink outfit. She had a weird-looking dog that was
smaller than that streaker from earlier's... well... yeah. The little dog yipped, and Shika
watched as the girl pulled out something and unfolded it. It was bowl or something, and
she filled it with bottled water for the dog. After it was done, she folded it back up.
"Hey, Ino! Over here!" someone called.
She waved and went over to join them. Shika started to follow, but Quiet Chouji stopped
him and pointed to the big clock that was on one of the buildings. It was getting late and
they hadn't had any lunch. So they headed over to a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant
nearby. They sat in a booth next to a guy who looked paranoid and had freaky white eyes
and another hot girl. Damn, did Shika know how to find them or what?
The girl was trying to call the guy down, but it didn't look like it was working to Shika,
'cause he started in on a rant.
"I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our
waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs two hundred fifteen
pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the
cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before
my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know
who I am?" the guy said.
Damn, Shika thought, and I thought I had problems with just getting laid. They left not
long after and Shika soon forgot them and ate. He was hungry.
It was getting dark out and they started walking home. However, as they walked by this
one place with a lot of motorcycles and cars parked outside, Shika couldn't resist
following two hot girls inside. Quiet Chouji had no choice but to follow and try to keep
his friend embarrassing himself too much.
He lost sight of Shika in there, but did see someone playing a film. He himself liked to
make little films and decided that it might be worth a watch. It was about some guy who
had just stolen a senator's car to protest. The camera was at an interesting angle, he had to
admit.
"He also wants video games banned because he believes that they're destroying
education... come on, Dick, it's the only education we got," the guy said.
Quiet Chouji watched as the car took a header off a bridge and the guy jumped out of it
with a parachute. After the big finale crash, the screen went blank and a logo came up
saying "The Sasuke Zone". Hmm, Quiet Chouji thought, I'll have to look him up. He's
good. Just then he caught sight of his friend and dragged him away from the party.
They kept on walking towards their home in the 'burbs when they passed some guys
setting up a street racing drag strip. Shika was big fan of street racing (at least, it looked
on Midnight Club) and decided to watch. They were at the end of the track, so they got to
see the big finish. Some guy had apparently put his pink slip on the line.
"Dude, I almost had you!" the guy said. The winner, which Shika thought must be famous
because everyone shut up to hear what he would say and do, raised an eyebrow at that.
"Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning's
winning," he said.
The crowd cheered and chants of "Naruto!" started up. Shika and Quiet Chouji took off
after Quiet Chouji reminded him that the cops probably would be showing up soon by
making a siren noise. So they left and kept on going their way home. After a subway ride
they arrived back at their Quickie Mart.
"So, meet ya here tomorrow?" Shika asked. Quiet Chouji nodded and went left. Shika
went right.
Same old boring day.
A/N: Yeah, I know, totally warped and it makes no sense. Maybe that's why I'm so
proud! XD Anyhow, here's the who's who:
Shikamaru -- Jay from Jay and Silent Bob (pick a movie)
Chouji -- Silent Bob from Jay and Silent Bob (pick a movie)
Sakura -- April from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Lee -- Robin Hood from whichever movie you want. (I like Men In Tights myself.)
Hinata -- Elizabeth from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
TenTen -- Trinity from The Matrix (she was the one on the motorcycle, just in case)
Kiba -- Logan from X-Men
Kakashi -- Shaggy from Scooby-Doo (don't tell me you can't see it!)
Shino -- Elwood from The Blues Brothers
Iruka -- Stuart from Kate & Leopold
Ino -- Elle from Legally Blonde
Neji -- Jason Bourne from The Bourne Identity
Sasuke -- Xander Cage from xXx
Naruto -- Dom Toretto from The Fast & the Furious
And yeah, Lee's talk was actually somebody I know mocking Jackie Chan. Bleh. I like Jackie
Chan. He's cool. And no, I wasn't makinf fun of Shaggy. I love Shaggy! I think he's
adorable.
Basically, I went through my DVD collection with a notebook. It's 3 AM now and I'm
going to post this. I can't believe I did this. I feel... giddy. Or maybe that's the four 24 oz.
Mountain Dews I've had. Whatever.
Dew at 1 AM watching The Butterfly Effect. (Don't ask.)
My muses aren't even hanging around, so it's just me. Plain ol' me. XD
I'll tell you who everyone was, or at least the inspiration for them, at the end. Try and see
how many you get.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, movies, quotes, storylines, anything.
Seriously. I don't. All I own is waaay too much Mountain Dew and too many DVDs.
Also, don't tell me that the cussing is too bad for a PG-13 rating, because I've heard the
F-word in several PG-13 movies. Like Timeline. I watched it tonight... last night...
whatever.
-----
"Rollin' fattys, smokin blunts, who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts. Rollin'
blunts and smokin'..." Shikamaru was singing when a kid approached him.
"Uh, let me have a nickel bag," the kid said.
"Fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand, if that money doesn't show, then you
owe me, owe me, owe, my jungle love, yeah, owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, I think I want to know
ya, know ya, yeah, what?" Shikamaru sang, bag in one hand, the other opened for money.
"What the hell are you singing?" the kid asked.
"You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and
sent down to the greatest band in the world: the mother-fcking Time," Shika replied,
incredulous that the kid didn't know it.
"You mean the guys in that Prince movie?"
"Yeah, Purple Rain," Quiet Chouji told him.
"Man, that shit was so gay-- fcking eighties style," the kid said, giving them the money
and taking off with his nickel bag.
"You know what Quiet Chouji? Let's take a walk. It sucks here," Shika said.
Quiet Chouji nodded and they walked down the street. Shika lit a cigarette and took a
drag, damn that felt good. He and Quiet Chouji had been best friends forever, but he had
only ever heard the guy say a couple of sentences and monologues. He just didn't talk.
Ate, but didn't talk. Shika, on the other hand, talked a lot. He liked to talk. He liked
cigarettes, too.
"Hey, look! It's that reporter chick from Channel 3!" Shika said, pointing to a flurry of
pink hair. "Let's go get an autograph." They started on their way over when a guy called
down to her from a window a few floors up.
"Hey, Sakura, Donnie and the boys are on the line, they say it's important!"
"Alright, Charles, I'll be right up!" she replied, and headed back into the building.
"Aw, damn, we missed her. Screw this puppy, where do you wanna go?" Quiet Chouji
made a motion with his hands. Shika knew he was doing the rolling of a video camera.
"Yeah, let's go down to the movie lots. Maybe we'll see someone famous or something."
So they took the subway and hung around outside the movie gates. They weren't
supposed to, but they kept coming back and eventually the guards gave up throwing them
out into the street. Caused too many wrecks or something.
Sure enough, a green-clad guy strolled out with a woman in a weird looking dress. Shika
recognized the guy as the action hero Rock Lee. His last girlfriend had been in love with
guy (creepy) and mentioned that he was starring in an action remake of Robin Hood.
Wasn't he the guy that wore tights or somethin'? Shika wondered. He shrugged.
Whatever.
The girl he knew to be one of those up-and-coming hot actresses. She was a foreigner,
and had accent that sounded like Austin Powers, but still hot. Even in that weird looking
dress. Her name was... what was her name? Heenana? Nihana? Nihata? Hinata! That was
it!
"I love doing my own stunts. It hurts, but never mind the pain! Did you know I've broken
several bones? Twice? Yeah, but pain's okay. I like pain," Lee said. Shika thought that
the guy must've seriously smoked waaay too much shit.
"You like pain? Trying wearing a corset," Hinata replied, and left. Shika turned and
looked at Quiet Chouji.
"What's a corset?" He received a shrug. "Eh. This is boring. If nobody's gonna speak
Americanese, let's go somewhere else."
They took off walking again. As they walked past the high-rise section, Shika looked up
at the bank clock to see what time it was. Eh, still too damn early. He felt a tugging and
looked at Quiet Chouji, who pointed up. A guy was on a little ledge, way up there. He
looked like he was talking on the phone or something.
"What the hell?" Shika asked. The guy looked like he was trying to go somewhere, but
gave up and went back in. "What was that all about?"
Quiet Chouji shrugged. He didn't know. As Shika tried to think about it, he caught sight
of a hot chick on a motorcycle. She had here hair slicked into two buns and wore what
looked like a black catsuit or something. Shika was in love. He was just beginning the
fantasy when the guy was from earlier was walked out and put into a car. He looked back
in time just to see the girl speed off.
"Damn! There goes the love of my life!" Shika cried out. Quiet Chouji rolled his eyes.
Shika did this a lot. Soon, the girl was forgotten, Shika had lit another cigarette, and they
were on there way again.
They decided to rest on some steps. They were big steps, too, leading up to one of those
huge buildings with columns in the front. Somebody sure was rich, Shika decided. He
couldn't help but overhear a weird conversation from the two guys in front of him.
The one guy looked like he was half-animal or something and was chewing on a cigar.
The other guy looked like a seventies reject with shaggy silver hair and one of those
go-tee things or whatever they were.
"Look, bub, just give me the directions to Winchester, New York, got it?" Animal-Guy
said.
"Alright, mister, just give me a sec and it'll all be groovy, okay?" the reject said, getting a
map out of a the dash of a one-effin'-colorful van. "Zoinks, this map is mess!"
"You know what, forget it, hippie," Animal-Guy growled and walked towards a camper.
"Wait, mister, I found it!" the so-called hippie said.
As they were talking, a guy was thrown out of the big building by a cop. He wore a black
suit and sunglasses. He stood up, brushed himself off as if it that happened everyday, and
looked around. He approached the two guys talking, and it became three guys talking.
"Hey, I need a ride to New York to find a friend. You headed that way?"
"Yeah, I am, or trying to," Animal-Guy said, glaring at the hippie guy. Shika found this
all really amusing. He lit another cigarette.
"You know what, man? Just take the map," he said, handing the map over and walking
back to the colorful van.
"I'm Shino. You got a name?" the suit guy asked.
"Kiba. And that's enough of those damn questions," Animal-Guy replied, as they got into
the camper.
A few minutes later some others came out and join the guy in the van. Two hot girls.
Some guy. But two hot girls. Shika was in fantasy land again, but he did hear the other
guy ask the hippie guy something.
"Hey, 'Kashi, where's the map?"
They soon drove away, however, and Shika was pulled out of fantasy land. He sighed,
stubbed out his cigarette, and told Quiet Chouji they were going by the college so he
could stare at the hot girls.
On the way there, they passed a guy with a huge dog. He had his hair pulled back in a
spiky ponytail and looked panicked. The dog was sniffing around. The guy was stopping
everyone-- including them-- and asked if they'd seen a guy walking around in nineteenth
century clothing. They had shaken their heads, petted the dog, and kept on walking, but
did hear the guy say, "Smooth move, Iruka! Leave him alone for one minute..."
The arrived at the college campus and wondered around a bit. Shika fell in love with
another girl, this one a blonde in a pink outfit. She had a weird-looking dog that was
smaller than that streaker from earlier's... well... yeah. The little dog yipped, and Shika
watched as the girl pulled out something and unfolded it. It was bowl or something, and
she filled it with bottled water for the dog. After it was done, she folded it back up.
"Hey, Ino! Over here!" someone called.
She waved and went over to join them. Shika started to follow, but Quiet Chouji stopped
him and pointed to the big clock that was on one of the buildings. It was getting late and
they hadn't had any lunch. So they headed over to a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant
nearby. They sat in a booth next to a guy who looked paranoid and had freaky white eyes
and another hot girl. Damn, did Shika know how to find them or what?
The girl was trying to call the guy down, but it didn't look like it was working to Shika,
'cause he started in on a rant.
"I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our
waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs two hundred fifteen
pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the
cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before
my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that? How can I know that and not know
who I am?" the guy said.
Damn, Shika thought, and I thought I had problems with just getting laid. They left not
long after and Shika soon forgot them and ate. He was hungry.
It was getting dark out and they started walking home. However, as they walked by this
one place with a lot of motorcycles and cars parked outside, Shika couldn't resist
following two hot girls inside. Quiet Chouji had no choice but to follow and try to keep
his friend embarrassing himself too much.
He lost sight of Shika in there, but did see someone playing a film. He himself liked to
make little films and decided that it might be worth a watch. It was about some guy who
had just stolen a senator's car to protest. The camera was at an interesting angle, he had to
admit.
"He also wants video games banned because he believes that they're destroying
education... come on, Dick, it's the only education we got," the guy said.
Quiet Chouji watched as the car took a header off a bridge and the guy jumped out of it
with a parachute. After the big finale crash, the screen went blank and a logo came up
saying "The Sasuke Zone". Hmm, Quiet Chouji thought, I'll have to look him up. He's
good. Just then he caught sight of his friend and dragged him away from the party.
They kept on walking towards their home in the 'burbs when they passed some guys
setting up a street racing drag strip. Shika was big fan of street racing (at least, it looked
on Midnight Club) and decided to watch. They were at the end of the track, so they got to
see the big finish. Some guy had apparently put his pink slip on the line.
"Dude, I almost had you!" the guy said. The winner, which Shika thought must be famous
because everyone shut up to hear what he would say and do, raised an eyebrow at that.
"Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning's
winning," he said.
The crowd cheered and chants of "Naruto!" started up. Shika and Quiet Chouji took off
after Quiet Chouji reminded him that the cops probably would be showing up soon by
making a siren noise. So they left and kept on going their way home. After a subway ride
they arrived back at their Quickie Mart.
"So, meet ya here tomorrow?" Shika asked. Quiet Chouji nodded and went left. Shika
went right.
Same old boring day.
A/N: Yeah, I know, totally warped and it makes no sense. Maybe that's why I'm so
proud! XD Anyhow, here's the who's who:
Shikamaru -- Jay from Jay and Silent Bob (pick a movie)
Chouji -- Silent Bob from Jay and Silent Bob (pick a movie)
Sakura -- April from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Lee -- Robin Hood from whichever movie you want. (I like Men In Tights myself.)
Hinata -- Elizabeth from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
TenTen -- Trinity from The Matrix (she was the one on the motorcycle, just in case)
Kiba -- Logan from X-Men
Kakashi -- Shaggy from Scooby-Doo (don't tell me you can't see it!)
Shino -- Elwood from The Blues Brothers
Iruka -- Stuart from Kate & Leopold
Ino -- Elle from Legally Blonde
Neji -- Jason Bourne from The Bourne Identity
Sasuke -- Xander Cage from xXx
Naruto -- Dom Toretto from The Fast & the Furious
And yeah, Lee's talk was actually somebody I know mocking Jackie Chan. Bleh. I like Jackie
Chan. He's cool. And no, I wasn't makinf fun of Shaggy. I love Shaggy! I think he's
adorable.
Basically, I went through my DVD collection with a notebook. It's 3 AM now and I'm
going to post this. I can't believe I did this. I feel... giddy. Or maybe that's the four 24 oz.
Mountain Dews I've had. Whatever.