Heh, heh, heh. (that was my subtle-ly evil chuckle.) (never mind.) I'm so
happy that this fic is going over so well - at first I was afraid everyone
would hate it because it has absolutely no point or plot whatsoever, and
now I've realized that people like it because it's stupid. YAY!!! So,
here's chapter 5 (I never even thought this fic would end up with this many
chapters, but since people seem to be enjoying it so much, I keep writing
it!).
Big thank-Q to those who donated (heh - donated) ideas to this chappie - that would be Jonathan the Caveham (although I still don't understand why you hate Boss so much!) and Princessofgames0014. THANKS GUYS!!! AND KEEP SUBMITTING IDEAS!!! YAY!!!
Oh yeah - and also, sorry, Princessofgames0014!!! I know I said I would have this up by Friday at the latest, and now it's Sunday...but, well, see, lots of stuff came us...
Cricket: You're just trying to make up an excuse. You know you coulda had it posted by Friday if you had tried.
Genie: Well...maybe what I really meant was NEXT Friday, and I just got it up really early!
Cricket: Yeah right.
Genie: Oh shut up.
(I don't own Premio Italian Sausage)
~
*Hamtaro and Bijou are on their honeymoon in Italy, and everyone else is at the clubhouse as usual. Except, of course, for Jingle, who happens to be walking by the bowling alley...*
Jingle: Oh boy, a bowling alley! I haven't been bowling since...NEVER! *reading sign outside bowling alley* Free pork night. Hey, I love pork!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Inside the bowling alley~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jingle: Hey. I was promised some free pork. I want my free pork.
Dude at counter: Okay. *gives him a plate of pork*
Jingle: Thanks. Hey wait a second - hiff-hiff...OH NO!!! POOR HERBERT!!!
Dude at counter: Is there a problem?
Jingle: I'm sorry. I can't eat this pork. It's my friend.
Dude at counter: Um...yeah.
Random person: Excuse me. *taps Jingle on the shoulder*
Jingle: Yeah?
Random person: Is this your pig? *holds up Herbert*
Jingle: Um, no. It looks a lot like him, but my pig got turned into pork.
Herbert: Oinky???
Jingle: Herbert? IT IS YOU!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!!
(A/N: Jingle isn't rhyming very much, is he? Sorry, I'm really bad at rhymes. Oh well.)
Herbert: Oinky oinky oink.
Jingle: What? You killed Ghetto Melon???
Herbert: Oinky oinky oinky oinkity oink!
Jingle: You used him as a bowling ball by accident.
Herbert: Oinky.
Jingle: I see. Well, I guess we better go tell the Ham-Hams that you killed their friend.
Herbert: OINKY!!!
Jingle: Oh. I see. So he wasn't their friend, he was just an annoying piece of fruit. Well, I still think we should tell them.
Herbert: Oinky.
Jingle: No, I do not support the use of innocent fruits as bowling balls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At da clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: 34, 67, 92, 100. Ready or not, here I crumb. I mean, come.
*everyone is hiding cuz they're playing hide-and-seek*
Boss: Um...Cappy, that's not how you play hide-and-seek.
Cappy: What? But I can't see you! *he's standing out in the open with his hat pulled down over his eyes*
Boss: You're supposed to hide.
Cappy: I am hiding!
Boss: No, you've got your hat over your face.
Cappy: Well it's better than Hamtaro's hiding place! He glued himself to the ceiling!
Boss: Yeah, like I'd believe that.
Cappy: No, he really did!
Boss: Yeah, right. *looks up* WHAT?!
Hamtaro: *glued to the ceiling* Uh, hi Boss. Cappy, why'd you tell him? I had the best spot of all!
Cappy: I told you, Boss! *talking to the chair* Didn't I tell you that Hamtaro glued himself to the ceiling?
Boss: Cappy, that's a chair. I'm over here.
Cappy: Oh. *runs into the wall*
Boss: Hey, uh, Hamtaro, aren't you supposed to be in Italy on your honeymoon with Bijou?
Hamtaro: Uh, um...oh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Italy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bijou: Vhere ze heck did Hamtaro go to now?
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.
Bijou: Um, no, zank you.
Chef-ham: You are lonely.
Bijou: Oui. My new husband has disappeared.
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.
Bijou: Vhy do you keep saying zhat?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hamtaro: Oh well. Aren't you gonna look for anyone else?
Boss: I dunno. I'm kinda concerned about your being glued to the ceiling. And not being in Italy with Bijou.
Hamtaro: What? I can get myself down just fine. In fact, I'll be catching the next flight to Italy right now...*starts trying to unstick himself but is having some trouble*
Boss: Okay then...*starts looking for other people*
*Jingle bursts through the door*
Jingle: HERBERT DID IT!!! IT WAS HERBERT!!!
Boss&Hamtaro&Cappy&Lamp: HEKE???
Jingle: Your lamp is alive.
Boss: Hmm? *looks at the lamp* Oh man. You guys are the worst hiders ever.
Lamp: *in Howdy's voice* Whaddaya mean? I'm just a simple lamp.
Boss: Howdy, I know that's you with a lampshade on your head.
Lamp: No it ain't.
Boss: Howdy, quit fooling around, I found you fair and square!
Howdy: *walks up behind Boss* What are you talking about? I was hidin' behind the TV. But I got bored.
Boss: HEKE?! *turns around* HOWDY?! But you were - *looks back at the lamp, which is completely normal* Um...never mind.
Hamtaro: *still glued to the ceiling* What was Jingle talking about? That Herbert did?
Cappy: *talking to the lamp* Yeah, what was that about, Jingle?
Jingle: Wow, does that lamp have the same name as me?
Boss: Um...just ignore him.
Cappy: *runs into the wall again* Ow.
Jingle: Okay...well anyway, as I was saying...Herbert killed Ghetto Melon!!!
Hamtaro: You mean that really annoying cantaloupe that we had a funeral for?
Jingle: Yeah. That one.
Boss: Well tell Herbert thanks.
Jingle: Okay.
*Herbert sticks his head in the door*
Herbert: OINKY!!!
Jingle: He's says he'll knock off anyone else you want him to, too.
Boss&Hamtaro&Cappy&Howdy: O_O
Boss: So Herbert's a hitman.
Jingle: I guess he is now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Outside~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Stan: Dude, where the heck is Boss?
Sandy: Like, I don't know, but he should be out here looking for us by now.
*Just then Boss runs outside with Cappy at his heels*
Boss: HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT?! HERBERT'S A HITMAN AND HE KILLED GHETTO MELON!!!
Everyone: REALLY?!
Boss: HAHAHAHA!!! I FOUND YOU ALL!!!
Everyone: Dangit.
Cappy: And Hamtaro is stuck to the ceiling.
Maxwell: I thought he was on his honeymoon in Italy with Bijou.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Italy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.
Bijou: How did you get on this gondola vith me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cappy: Nope.
*Then Jingle comes out of the clubhouse*
Jingle: Let's have a seance.
Oxnard: What the heck is a seance?
Maxwell: A seance is a ritual where you try to make contact with the spirits of the deceased.
Oxnard: You mean like that TV show "Crossing Over?"
Maxwell: Yeah, only less fake.
Jingle: Let's have a seance for Ghetto Melon!
Everyone: OKAY!!!
*they all go inside*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Panda: Hahaha. Boss'll never find me here.
Lucky: Oh me. Another hamster. *jumps off a bridge*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Everyone is sitting in the clubhouse; the lights are turned off and there are a bunch of candles all around the room. Oh yeah, and Hamtaro is still stuck to the ceiling*
Boss: Okay. How do we do this seance thing?
Jingle: We have to hold hands, then someone recites a spiritual chant and we see if we can talk to Ghetto Melon's spirit.
Hamtaro: Hey, wait! I'm stuck here on the ceiling! I can't reach anyone's hand!
*Boss reaches up and tears Hamtaro off the ceiling*
Hamtaro: Hey, thanks! I was starting to think I would be stuck there forever!
*Unfortunately, Hamtaro still had some glue on him and was now stuck to the floor*
Hamtaro: Crud.
Jingle: Now I shall recite the magic charm.
Boss: Hey, wait a sec. Where's Panda?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky: *who somehow managed to survive jumping off a bridge* Did someone say Lucky Charms? *teleports to the clubhouse*
Panda: Hey wait! Don't leave me here all alone! *also teleports*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Lucky and Panda burst into the clubhouse*
Lucky: Okay, who said Lucky Charms?
*Everyone points at Jingle*
Jingle: No, I said "magic charm." I meant the chant that I'm about to recite.
Panda: What? You mean hide-and-seek is over?
Boss: Yeah, where were you? We're about to have a seance.
Panda: I was hiding in Leprechaun Land.
Boss: Ah. I see.
Panda: And why is Hamtaro glued to the floor?
Boss: You probably shouldn't ask.
Hamtaro: Hey, I had a good hiding place!
Panda: Aren't you supposed to be in Italy with Bijou on your honeymoon?
Hamtaro: SHUT UP!!!
Jingle: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!! I need quiet in order for this to work.
Lucky: Wait, can I join the circle of love?
Jingle: It's called a seance, moron.
Lucky: Can I join the seance, moron?
Jingle: Fine.
Lucky: Yay! Who wants to hold my hand?
*Everyone backs up a step except Hamtaro, who is glued to the floor*
Hamtaro: Hey wait! I don't want to have to-
*Lucky holds Hamtaro's hand*
Hamtaro: Dang.
Lucky: Okay, who's going to hold my other hand?
*Everyone backs up another step*
Boss: Hey, I got it! *runs up the stairs, grabs Snoozer and drags him down* Here. Hold Snoozer's hand.
Snoozer: NO!!! THAT IS FLUFFY THIEF!!! *bites Lucky's hand*
Lucky: OW!!! ME LUCKY 'AND!!! *runs away screaming*
Hamtaro: Well, I guess that takes care of that.
Jingle: Now can I PLEASE get started?
Hamtaro: Yeah. Say the chant thing.
Jingle: Okay. Here goes nothing. *closes his eyes and starts reciting a chant*
Friggle fraggle froogle fry
Chocolate cake, apple pie
Nicky nacky nocky noo
Watch your step, don't step in poo
Jingle jangle jenga jag
I pledge allegiance to the flag
I see London, I see France
I see someone's underpants.
Maxwell: Uh...are you sure that's how it goes?
Boss: Sounded like a bunch of nonsense to me.
Jingle: SHHH!!! I hear something! I think I've made contact with Ghetto Melon's spirit!
Mysterious voice: Hello...is someone on the other side?
Jingle: YES!!! He's talking to us from beyond!
Hamtaro: Beyond what?
Jingle: Beyond...beyond!
Boss: I dunno, he sounded kinda...robotic, didn't he?
Jingle: SHH!!!
Mysterious voice: We want to see you.
Jingle: We? You mean I'm talking to more than one person here?
Mysterious voice: Yes. There are twelve of us.
Oxnard: AHHH!!! TWELVE GHETTO MELONS!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! *starts running around like crazy*
Boss: SHUT UP OXNARD!!!
Jingle: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!! Ghetto Melon...are you still there?
Mysterious voice: Who is this Ghetto Melon?
Jingle: You mean, that's not who I'm talking to?
Mysterious voice: No, you're talking to...
*the door bursts open and 12 hamster cyborgs are standing there, all wearing cyborg uniforms*
Mysterious voice, now identified as belonging to one of the cyborgs: THE HAMSTER 00CYBORGS!!!
Everyone: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Jingle: Shut up. Everyone settle down.
Mysterious voice cyborg: I'm 001. *he's brown with spiked red, yellow, and black fur on the top of his head*
Second cyborg: I'm 002! *he's white with orange hair*
Third cyborg: 003, nice to meet you! *she's white with blond hair*
Fourth cyborg: How's it going, I'm 004! *gray with green hair and a metal hand*
Fifth cyborg: I'm 005! *really tall, brown hair with a short mohwk*
Sixth cyborg: Hi, I'm 006! *yellow ham with permanently closed eyes and black hair*
Seventh cyborg: 'ello, chums! I'm 007! *completely yellow, with a British accent*
Eighth cyborg: Hey! I'm 008! *light brown ham*
Ninth cyborg: Hey, dudes! I'm 009! *white with brown hair over one of his red eyes*
Tenth cyborg: Hiya, I'm 0010-! *blue with red stripe*
Eleventh cyborg: Hiya, I'm 0010+! *red with blue stripe*
Twelfth cyborg: Greetings, I'm 0014! *tan ham with red hair, eyeglass markings like Dexter's and shocking green eyes*
Oxnard: Phew. So there aren't 12 Ghetto Melons. *sits back down*
*then there is the resounding sound of splintering wood and breaking guitar strings*
*Everyone looks at Oxnard*
Oxnard: Uh-oh. *stands back up, looks where he was sitting and realizes he's just smashed Jingle's guitar to pieces*
Jingle: O_____________________O
Oxnard: OHNO!!! I'M REALLY SORRY!!!! I'LL BUY YOU A NEW ONE!!!!
Jingle: Buy me....a....new...one....NO!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL GUITAR!!!! YOU KILLED IT!!!! KILLED IT I SAY!!!!!!!!
Boss: Woah, woah, calm down there.
Jingle: YOU WILL PAY!!! *starts running towards Oxnard and trips over Hamtaro's head*
Hamtaro: OWIE!!!
*Jingle falls to the floor*
Oxnard: Please forgive me!!! *he starts sobbing uncontrollably*
Jingle: No. You must pay. *stands up and stares at Oxnard with an incredibly evil glint of revenge in his eyes* You will pay.
Oxnard: *gulp*
Jingle: ARRGHHHHH!!!!!! *starts chasing Oxnard around the clubhouse; all the while Oxnard is crying and begging for mercy*
Boss: Oh man. You guys gotta help us. Looks like we have a real situation on our hands.
001: You want our help?
Boss: Yeah. When things get this crazy we need all the help we can get.
001: OKAY!!! 00CYBORGS, LET'S GET TO WORK!!!
*They all start chasing Jingle*
001: WAIT! THIS ISN'T WORKING!!! *freezes in mid-stride and all the other cyborgs run into him*
007: We need a plan, eh?
003: Okay. Huddle up, guys.
*The cyborgs huddle up and start discussing their plan*
002: Okay. Let's do this thing.
All the cyborgs: OOPAH!!!
*005 sticks out his foot and trips Jingle*
Jingle: A-HEY!!! *falls down*
*004 grabs Jingle with his metal hand while 0010- and 0010+ try to calm Oxnard down*
0014: Now, Jingle. You don't really want to hurt Oxnard, do you?
Jingle: Oh, but I do want to hurt him. And I'm sorry. (A/N: That was a reference to a horror movie that came out...oh, let's see, about a year ago I guess? If you know what it is, tell me in your review. I wanna see how many people can get it. ^_^)
009: Calm down, man. We're here to help you.
Jingle: YOU CAN'T HELP ME!!! I'M MAD WITH RAGE!!!
006: No, see that's your problem. You must let your rage go, and forgive. Can you do that?
Jingle: NO!!! I'M ANGRY LIKE A HORNET!!!
006: Jingle, let's take a deep breath and hold it, okay?
*Everyone takes a deep breath and holds it except 006*
006: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...
*Everyone's faces start turning purple*
006: HAHA!!! I GOT YOU ALL!!!
*Of course, that did absolutely nothing except to make everyone mad at 006*
Jingle: THAT DID NOTHING!!! I'M STILL MAD WITH RAGE!!! *whips out a pistol*
001: Hey, hey, hey, no violence! Where'd that gun come from???
Jingle: Okay...*starts breathing really creepily and gets a really evil glint in his eyes* Who's gonna get it? *aims the pistol at Oxnard* You!
Oxnard: ACK!!! *dives for cover under the table*
Jingle: Or...you! *aims at Hamtaro*
Hamtaro: NOO!!!! I CAN'T MOVE!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!
Jingle: Or...you! *aims at 001*
001: Hahaha! I'm a cyborg and you can't destroy me with a gun!! Hahaha!
Boss: Jingle...I'm just gonna...slowly...take the gun...*reaches for Jingle's arm*
Jingle: NO!!! *fires the gun just as Boss is taking it, and it's aimed right at...PASHMINA!!!*
Dexter: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...............*dives in front of Pashmina*
Pashmina: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......
Dexter: ACK! I'M HIT!!! *falls on the floor gasping for air* I...c- can't...go...on...
Pashmina: No!!!!!
Dexter: And I never got to ask...if you would....
Pashmina: WHAT IS IT, DEXY??? TELL ME!!!
Dexter: If you would....marry...me...
Pashmina: DEXTER!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! DON'T GO, I'LL MARRY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dexter: I'm afraid...my time...is up...
Howdy: Uh. That was a squirt gun.
Dexter: Oh. So it was. *looks at the little splurt of water on him* Well in THAT case...
*Everyone looks at Jingle*
Jingle: Well, who doesn't carry a squirt gun around with them? It comes in handy sometimes, it does.
*Just then Bijou and Chef-ham burst through the door*
Bijou: HELP ME!!! CHEF-HAM IS STALKING ME!!!
Chef-ham: Have-a some-a Premio-a sausage! Real Italian sausage, real Italian taste!
Oxanrd: I LOVE PREMIO!!!! *starts eating Chef-ham's Premio sausages*
Bijou: HAMTARO, VHY DID YOU LEAVE ME??? AND VHY ARE YOU GLUED TO THE FLOOR???
Hamtaro: Uh...long story?
Bijou: And...who are you guys?
001: We're the HAMSTER 00CYBORGS!!!
Cyborgs: YAY!!!
003: Hey, how's it going?
Bijou: Vhy hello! I've never met a cyborg before!
003: So, been on your honeymoon, I hear?
Bijou: Oui! Although my husband left me alone, for some reason or other...*glares at Hamtaro*
Hamtaro: HEY!!! I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!
Genie: Actually, it's really not his fault. I put that thing about you guys being on your honeymoon at the beginning, and then before I realized what I was writing, there he was glued to the ceiling. And I wanted to leave that part in there, so I was just like "What the heck" and decided you would be alone in Italy being followed around by Chef-ham. *SMILE INNOCENTLY*
Bijou: O...kay. Vell, in that case, I forgive you, Hamtaro. *kisses him*
Hamtaro: Aw, shucks.
Bijou: So anyvay, as I vas saying...
*Bijou and 003 start having a really juicy gossippy conversation*
Oxnard: So Jingle. Are you...uh...okay now?
Jingle: I...I've lost my best friend. *starts sobbing*
Oxnard: I didn't think you liked Ghetto Melon.
Jingle: I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY GUITAR, DIMWIT!!!
Oxnard: And what about Herbert?
Jingle: Huh? Oh dang, where did that pig go anyway?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the police station~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Policeman: I can't believe we finally caught you, Herbert. Or should I say...THE BLACK PHANTOM!!!
Herbert: Oinkity. *translation: crap.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pashmina: So, you...you really want to get married, Dexter?
Dexter: Yes! I even have a ring...*holds up an engagement ring*
Pashmina: OH! It's beautiful!
Dexter: But not as beautiful as you.
Pashmina: That's the cheesiest thing you've ever said.
Dexter: Oh well. So when -
Pashmina: Let's get married NOW!!!
Dexter: What?!
Pashmina: Right here at the clubhouse!
Dexter: Uh...okay!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A little later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*008, who for some reason or other had been at one point trained as a minister, was the preacher*
008: So uh, do you, Dexter, take Pashmina as your lawfully wedded wife, blah blah blah till death do you part?
Dexter: I do.
008: And do you, Pashmina, take Dexter as your lawfully wedded husband, blah blah blah and so on till death do you part?
Pashmina: I do!
008: In that case, I uh...pronounce you man and wife, I guess. You may kiss the -
Pashmina: Way ahead of you. *kisses Dexter, who goes completely red*
008: Okay, uh, you may kiss the groom, I guess.
Everyone: YAY!!!
Genie: You know what? We still haven't discovered Boss's new secret crush!
Boss: SHUT UP!!! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL THEM!!!
Genie: Okay...I guess that'll wait till the next chapter, then. See you all then!
~
Hmm. Sorry, this chappie wasn't as funny as I woulda liked it to be. Oh well, I guess I'm running out of ideas, which means: I NEED YOU GUYS TO SEND ME SOME!!! Okay.
Once again, thank-Q Jonathan the Caveham and Princessofgames0014. I hope you liked how this turned out, even though like I said, it wasn't as funny as it coulda been.
Oh yeah, and remember in your reviews to guess what that horror movie reference was! Winners get, uh, some kind of prize! (aka, a shout-out in the next chappie)
:3
Big thank-Q to those who donated (heh - donated) ideas to this chappie - that would be Jonathan the Caveham (although I still don't understand why you hate Boss so much!) and Princessofgames0014. THANKS GUYS!!! AND KEEP SUBMITTING IDEAS!!! YAY!!!
Oh yeah - and also, sorry, Princessofgames0014!!! I know I said I would have this up by Friday at the latest, and now it's Sunday...but, well, see, lots of stuff came us...
Cricket: You're just trying to make up an excuse. You know you coulda had it posted by Friday if you had tried.
Genie: Well...maybe what I really meant was NEXT Friday, and I just got it up really early!
Cricket: Yeah right.
Genie: Oh shut up.
(I don't own Premio Italian Sausage)
~
*Hamtaro and Bijou are on their honeymoon in Italy, and everyone else is at the clubhouse as usual. Except, of course, for Jingle, who happens to be walking by the bowling alley...*
Jingle: Oh boy, a bowling alley! I haven't been bowling since...NEVER! *reading sign outside bowling alley* Free pork night. Hey, I love pork!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Inside the bowling alley~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jingle: Hey. I was promised some free pork. I want my free pork.
Dude at counter: Okay. *gives him a plate of pork*
Jingle: Thanks. Hey wait a second - hiff-hiff...OH NO!!! POOR HERBERT!!!
Dude at counter: Is there a problem?
Jingle: I'm sorry. I can't eat this pork. It's my friend.
Dude at counter: Um...yeah.
Random person: Excuse me. *taps Jingle on the shoulder*
Jingle: Yeah?
Random person: Is this your pig? *holds up Herbert*
Jingle: Um, no. It looks a lot like him, but my pig got turned into pork.
Herbert: Oinky???
Jingle: Herbert? IT IS YOU!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!!
(A/N: Jingle isn't rhyming very much, is he? Sorry, I'm really bad at rhymes. Oh well.)
Herbert: Oinky oinky oink.
Jingle: What? You killed Ghetto Melon???
Herbert: Oinky oinky oinky oinkity oink!
Jingle: You used him as a bowling ball by accident.
Herbert: Oinky.
Jingle: I see. Well, I guess we better go tell the Ham-Hams that you killed their friend.
Herbert: OINKY!!!
Jingle: Oh. I see. So he wasn't their friend, he was just an annoying piece of fruit. Well, I still think we should tell them.
Herbert: Oinky.
Jingle: No, I do not support the use of innocent fruits as bowling balls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At da clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: 34, 67, 92, 100. Ready or not, here I crumb. I mean, come.
*everyone is hiding cuz they're playing hide-and-seek*
Boss: Um...Cappy, that's not how you play hide-and-seek.
Cappy: What? But I can't see you! *he's standing out in the open with his hat pulled down over his eyes*
Boss: You're supposed to hide.
Cappy: I am hiding!
Boss: No, you've got your hat over your face.
Cappy: Well it's better than Hamtaro's hiding place! He glued himself to the ceiling!
Boss: Yeah, like I'd believe that.
Cappy: No, he really did!
Boss: Yeah, right. *looks up* WHAT?!
Hamtaro: *glued to the ceiling* Uh, hi Boss. Cappy, why'd you tell him? I had the best spot of all!
Cappy: I told you, Boss! *talking to the chair* Didn't I tell you that Hamtaro glued himself to the ceiling?
Boss: Cappy, that's a chair. I'm over here.
Cappy: Oh. *runs into the wall*
Boss: Hey, uh, Hamtaro, aren't you supposed to be in Italy on your honeymoon with Bijou?
Hamtaro: Uh, um...oh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Italy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bijou: Vhere ze heck did Hamtaro go to now?
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.
Bijou: Um, no, zank you.
Chef-ham: You are lonely.
Bijou: Oui. My new husband has disappeared.
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.
Bijou: Vhy do you keep saying zhat?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hamtaro: Oh well. Aren't you gonna look for anyone else?
Boss: I dunno. I'm kinda concerned about your being glued to the ceiling. And not being in Italy with Bijou.
Hamtaro: What? I can get myself down just fine. In fact, I'll be catching the next flight to Italy right now...*starts trying to unstick himself but is having some trouble*
Boss: Okay then...*starts looking for other people*
*Jingle bursts through the door*
Jingle: HERBERT DID IT!!! IT WAS HERBERT!!!
Boss&Hamtaro&Cappy&Lamp: HEKE???
Jingle: Your lamp is alive.
Boss: Hmm? *looks at the lamp* Oh man. You guys are the worst hiders ever.
Lamp: *in Howdy's voice* Whaddaya mean? I'm just a simple lamp.
Boss: Howdy, I know that's you with a lampshade on your head.
Lamp: No it ain't.
Boss: Howdy, quit fooling around, I found you fair and square!
Howdy: *walks up behind Boss* What are you talking about? I was hidin' behind the TV. But I got bored.
Boss: HEKE?! *turns around* HOWDY?! But you were - *looks back at the lamp, which is completely normal* Um...never mind.
Hamtaro: *still glued to the ceiling* What was Jingle talking about? That Herbert did?
Cappy: *talking to the lamp* Yeah, what was that about, Jingle?
Jingle: Wow, does that lamp have the same name as me?
Boss: Um...just ignore him.
Cappy: *runs into the wall again* Ow.
Jingle: Okay...well anyway, as I was saying...Herbert killed Ghetto Melon!!!
Hamtaro: You mean that really annoying cantaloupe that we had a funeral for?
Jingle: Yeah. That one.
Boss: Well tell Herbert thanks.
Jingle: Okay.
*Herbert sticks his head in the door*
Herbert: OINKY!!!
Jingle: He's says he'll knock off anyone else you want him to, too.
Boss&Hamtaro&Cappy&Howdy: O_O
Boss: So Herbert's a hitman.
Jingle: I guess he is now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Outside~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Stan: Dude, where the heck is Boss?
Sandy: Like, I don't know, but he should be out here looking for us by now.
*Just then Boss runs outside with Cappy at his heels*
Boss: HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT?! HERBERT'S A HITMAN AND HE KILLED GHETTO MELON!!!
Everyone: REALLY?!
Boss: HAHAHAHA!!! I FOUND YOU ALL!!!
Everyone: Dangit.
Cappy: And Hamtaro is stuck to the ceiling.
Maxwell: I thought he was on his honeymoon in Italy with Bijou.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Italy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.
Bijou: How did you get on this gondola vith me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cappy: Nope.
*Then Jingle comes out of the clubhouse*
Jingle: Let's have a seance.
Oxnard: What the heck is a seance?
Maxwell: A seance is a ritual where you try to make contact with the spirits of the deceased.
Oxnard: You mean like that TV show "Crossing Over?"
Maxwell: Yeah, only less fake.
Jingle: Let's have a seance for Ghetto Melon!
Everyone: OKAY!!!
*they all go inside*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Panda: Hahaha. Boss'll never find me here.
Lucky: Oh me. Another hamster. *jumps off a bridge*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Everyone is sitting in the clubhouse; the lights are turned off and there are a bunch of candles all around the room. Oh yeah, and Hamtaro is still stuck to the ceiling*
Boss: Okay. How do we do this seance thing?
Jingle: We have to hold hands, then someone recites a spiritual chant and we see if we can talk to Ghetto Melon's spirit.
Hamtaro: Hey, wait! I'm stuck here on the ceiling! I can't reach anyone's hand!
*Boss reaches up and tears Hamtaro off the ceiling*
Hamtaro: Hey, thanks! I was starting to think I would be stuck there forever!
*Unfortunately, Hamtaro still had some glue on him and was now stuck to the floor*
Hamtaro: Crud.
Jingle: Now I shall recite the magic charm.
Boss: Hey, wait a sec. Where's Panda?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky: *who somehow managed to survive jumping off a bridge* Did someone say Lucky Charms? *teleports to the clubhouse*
Panda: Hey wait! Don't leave me here all alone! *also teleports*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Lucky and Panda burst into the clubhouse*
Lucky: Okay, who said Lucky Charms?
*Everyone points at Jingle*
Jingle: No, I said "magic charm." I meant the chant that I'm about to recite.
Panda: What? You mean hide-and-seek is over?
Boss: Yeah, where were you? We're about to have a seance.
Panda: I was hiding in Leprechaun Land.
Boss: Ah. I see.
Panda: And why is Hamtaro glued to the floor?
Boss: You probably shouldn't ask.
Hamtaro: Hey, I had a good hiding place!
Panda: Aren't you supposed to be in Italy with Bijou on your honeymoon?
Hamtaro: SHUT UP!!!
Jingle: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!! I need quiet in order for this to work.
Lucky: Wait, can I join the circle of love?
Jingle: It's called a seance, moron.
Lucky: Can I join the seance, moron?
Jingle: Fine.
Lucky: Yay! Who wants to hold my hand?
*Everyone backs up a step except Hamtaro, who is glued to the floor*
Hamtaro: Hey wait! I don't want to have to-
*Lucky holds Hamtaro's hand*
Hamtaro: Dang.
Lucky: Okay, who's going to hold my other hand?
*Everyone backs up another step*
Boss: Hey, I got it! *runs up the stairs, grabs Snoozer and drags him down* Here. Hold Snoozer's hand.
Snoozer: NO!!! THAT IS FLUFFY THIEF!!! *bites Lucky's hand*
Lucky: OW!!! ME LUCKY 'AND!!! *runs away screaming*
Hamtaro: Well, I guess that takes care of that.
Jingle: Now can I PLEASE get started?
Hamtaro: Yeah. Say the chant thing.
Jingle: Okay. Here goes nothing. *closes his eyes and starts reciting a chant*
Friggle fraggle froogle fry
Chocolate cake, apple pie
Nicky nacky nocky noo
Watch your step, don't step in poo
Jingle jangle jenga jag
I pledge allegiance to the flag
I see London, I see France
I see someone's underpants.
Maxwell: Uh...are you sure that's how it goes?
Boss: Sounded like a bunch of nonsense to me.
Jingle: SHHH!!! I hear something! I think I've made contact with Ghetto Melon's spirit!
Mysterious voice: Hello...is someone on the other side?
Jingle: YES!!! He's talking to us from beyond!
Hamtaro: Beyond what?
Jingle: Beyond...beyond!
Boss: I dunno, he sounded kinda...robotic, didn't he?
Jingle: SHH!!!
Mysterious voice: We want to see you.
Jingle: We? You mean I'm talking to more than one person here?
Mysterious voice: Yes. There are twelve of us.
Oxnard: AHHH!!! TWELVE GHETTO MELONS!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! *starts running around like crazy*
Boss: SHUT UP OXNARD!!!
Jingle: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!! Ghetto Melon...are you still there?
Mysterious voice: Who is this Ghetto Melon?
Jingle: You mean, that's not who I'm talking to?
Mysterious voice: No, you're talking to...
*the door bursts open and 12 hamster cyborgs are standing there, all wearing cyborg uniforms*
Mysterious voice, now identified as belonging to one of the cyborgs: THE HAMSTER 00CYBORGS!!!
Everyone: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Jingle: Shut up. Everyone settle down.
Mysterious voice cyborg: I'm 001. *he's brown with spiked red, yellow, and black fur on the top of his head*
Second cyborg: I'm 002! *he's white with orange hair*
Third cyborg: 003, nice to meet you! *she's white with blond hair*
Fourth cyborg: How's it going, I'm 004! *gray with green hair and a metal hand*
Fifth cyborg: I'm 005! *really tall, brown hair with a short mohwk*
Sixth cyborg: Hi, I'm 006! *yellow ham with permanently closed eyes and black hair*
Seventh cyborg: 'ello, chums! I'm 007! *completely yellow, with a British accent*
Eighth cyborg: Hey! I'm 008! *light brown ham*
Ninth cyborg: Hey, dudes! I'm 009! *white with brown hair over one of his red eyes*
Tenth cyborg: Hiya, I'm 0010-! *blue with red stripe*
Eleventh cyborg: Hiya, I'm 0010+! *red with blue stripe*
Twelfth cyborg: Greetings, I'm 0014! *tan ham with red hair, eyeglass markings like Dexter's and shocking green eyes*
Oxnard: Phew. So there aren't 12 Ghetto Melons. *sits back down*
*then there is the resounding sound of splintering wood and breaking guitar strings*
*Everyone looks at Oxnard*
Oxnard: Uh-oh. *stands back up, looks where he was sitting and realizes he's just smashed Jingle's guitar to pieces*
Jingle: O_____________________O
Oxnard: OHNO!!! I'M REALLY SORRY!!!! I'LL BUY YOU A NEW ONE!!!!
Jingle: Buy me....a....new...one....NO!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL GUITAR!!!! YOU KILLED IT!!!! KILLED IT I SAY!!!!!!!!
Boss: Woah, woah, calm down there.
Jingle: YOU WILL PAY!!! *starts running towards Oxnard and trips over Hamtaro's head*
Hamtaro: OWIE!!!
*Jingle falls to the floor*
Oxnard: Please forgive me!!! *he starts sobbing uncontrollably*
Jingle: No. You must pay. *stands up and stares at Oxnard with an incredibly evil glint of revenge in his eyes* You will pay.
Oxnard: *gulp*
Jingle: ARRGHHHHH!!!!!! *starts chasing Oxnard around the clubhouse; all the while Oxnard is crying and begging for mercy*
Boss: Oh man. You guys gotta help us. Looks like we have a real situation on our hands.
001: You want our help?
Boss: Yeah. When things get this crazy we need all the help we can get.
001: OKAY!!! 00CYBORGS, LET'S GET TO WORK!!!
*They all start chasing Jingle*
001: WAIT! THIS ISN'T WORKING!!! *freezes in mid-stride and all the other cyborgs run into him*
007: We need a plan, eh?
003: Okay. Huddle up, guys.
*The cyborgs huddle up and start discussing their plan*
002: Okay. Let's do this thing.
All the cyborgs: OOPAH!!!
*005 sticks out his foot and trips Jingle*
Jingle: A-HEY!!! *falls down*
*004 grabs Jingle with his metal hand while 0010- and 0010+ try to calm Oxnard down*
0014: Now, Jingle. You don't really want to hurt Oxnard, do you?
Jingle: Oh, but I do want to hurt him. And I'm sorry. (A/N: That was a reference to a horror movie that came out...oh, let's see, about a year ago I guess? If you know what it is, tell me in your review. I wanna see how many people can get it. ^_^)
009: Calm down, man. We're here to help you.
Jingle: YOU CAN'T HELP ME!!! I'M MAD WITH RAGE!!!
006: No, see that's your problem. You must let your rage go, and forgive. Can you do that?
Jingle: NO!!! I'M ANGRY LIKE A HORNET!!!
006: Jingle, let's take a deep breath and hold it, okay?
*Everyone takes a deep breath and holds it except 006*
006: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...
*Everyone's faces start turning purple*
006: HAHA!!! I GOT YOU ALL!!!
*Of course, that did absolutely nothing except to make everyone mad at 006*
Jingle: THAT DID NOTHING!!! I'M STILL MAD WITH RAGE!!! *whips out a pistol*
001: Hey, hey, hey, no violence! Where'd that gun come from???
Jingle: Okay...*starts breathing really creepily and gets a really evil glint in his eyes* Who's gonna get it? *aims the pistol at Oxnard* You!
Oxnard: ACK!!! *dives for cover under the table*
Jingle: Or...you! *aims at Hamtaro*
Hamtaro: NOO!!!! I CAN'T MOVE!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!
Jingle: Or...you! *aims at 001*
001: Hahaha! I'm a cyborg and you can't destroy me with a gun!! Hahaha!
Boss: Jingle...I'm just gonna...slowly...take the gun...*reaches for Jingle's arm*
Jingle: NO!!! *fires the gun just as Boss is taking it, and it's aimed right at...PASHMINA!!!*
Dexter: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...............*dives in front of Pashmina*
Pashmina: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......
Dexter: ACK! I'M HIT!!! *falls on the floor gasping for air* I...c- can't...go...on...
Pashmina: No!!!!!
Dexter: And I never got to ask...if you would....
Pashmina: WHAT IS IT, DEXY??? TELL ME!!!
Dexter: If you would....marry...me...
Pashmina: DEXTER!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! DON'T GO, I'LL MARRY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dexter: I'm afraid...my time...is up...
Howdy: Uh. That was a squirt gun.
Dexter: Oh. So it was. *looks at the little splurt of water on him* Well in THAT case...
*Everyone looks at Jingle*
Jingle: Well, who doesn't carry a squirt gun around with them? It comes in handy sometimes, it does.
*Just then Bijou and Chef-ham burst through the door*
Bijou: HELP ME!!! CHEF-HAM IS STALKING ME!!!
Chef-ham: Have-a some-a Premio-a sausage! Real Italian sausage, real Italian taste!
Oxanrd: I LOVE PREMIO!!!! *starts eating Chef-ham's Premio sausages*
Bijou: HAMTARO, VHY DID YOU LEAVE ME??? AND VHY ARE YOU GLUED TO THE FLOOR???
Hamtaro: Uh...long story?
Bijou: And...who are you guys?
001: We're the HAMSTER 00CYBORGS!!!
Cyborgs: YAY!!!
003: Hey, how's it going?
Bijou: Vhy hello! I've never met a cyborg before!
003: So, been on your honeymoon, I hear?
Bijou: Oui! Although my husband left me alone, for some reason or other...*glares at Hamtaro*
Hamtaro: HEY!!! I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!
Genie: Actually, it's really not his fault. I put that thing about you guys being on your honeymoon at the beginning, and then before I realized what I was writing, there he was glued to the ceiling. And I wanted to leave that part in there, so I was just like "What the heck" and decided you would be alone in Italy being followed around by Chef-ham. *SMILE INNOCENTLY*
Bijou: O...kay. Vell, in that case, I forgive you, Hamtaro. *kisses him*
Hamtaro: Aw, shucks.
Bijou: So anyvay, as I vas saying...
*Bijou and 003 start having a really juicy gossippy conversation*
Oxnard: So Jingle. Are you...uh...okay now?
Jingle: I...I've lost my best friend. *starts sobbing*
Oxnard: I didn't think you liked Ghetto Melon.
Jingle: I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY GUITAR, DIMWIT!!!
Oxnard: And what about Herbert?
Jingle: Huh? Oh dang, where did that pig go anyway?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the police station~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Policeman: I can't believe we finally caught you, Herbert. Or should I say...THE BLACK PHANTOM!!!
Herbert: Oinkity. *translation: crap.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pashmina: So, you...you really want to get married, Dexter?
Dexter: Yes! I even have a ring...*holds up an engagement ring*
Pashmina: OH! It's beautiful!
Dexter: But not as beautiful as you.
Pashmina: That's the cheesiest thing you've ever said.
Dexter: Oh well. So when -
Pashmina: Let's get married NOW!!!
Dexter: What?!
Pashmina: Right here at the clubhouse!
Dexter: Uh...okay!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A little later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*008, who for some reason or other had been at one point trained as a minister, was the preacher*
008: So uh, do you, Dexter, take Pashmina as your lawfully wedded wife, blah blah blah till death do you part?
Dexter: I do.
008: And do you, Pashmina, take Dexter as your lawfully wedded husband, blah blah blah and so on till death do you part?
Pashmina: I do!
008: In that case, I uh...pronounce you man and wife, I guess. You may kiss the -
Pashmina: Way ahead of you. *kisses Dexter, who goes completely red*
008: Okay, uh, you may kiss the groom, I guess.
Everyone: YAY!!!
Genie: You know what? We still haven't discovered Boss's new secret crush!
Boss: SHUT UP!!! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL THEM!!!
Genie: Okay...I guess that'll wait till the next chapter, then. See you all then!
~
Hmm. Sorry, this chappie wasn't as funny as I woulda liked it to be. Oh well, I guess I'm running out of ideas, which means: I NEED YOU GUYS TO SEND ME SOME!!! Okay.
Once again, thank-Q Jonathan the Caveham and Princessofgames0014. I hope you liked how this turned out, even though like I said, it wasn't as funny as it coulda been.
Oh yeah, and remember in your reviews to guess what that horror movie reference was! Winners get, uh, some kind of prize! (aka, a shout-out in the next chappie)
:3