Welcome once again to the realm of "THE UNTOLD HAMTARO!!!" Yes, I know,
it's been a long long long long long long time since the last chappie of
this fic, so I throw myself at your feet and beg for mercy. Don't throw
rocks at me! Please, anything but that!
Cricket: You're getting WAY off track. Can we PLEASE get to the fic?
Genie: Yeah no prob...hey wait, I thought you were in Iraq.
Cricket: Uh, they caught Saddam a long time ago. Now I have nobody to annoy.
Genie: GO FIND OSAMA THEN
Cricket: Okay, okay, sheesh. *catches the next flight to Iraq*
Genie: Okay, now, real quick before I start the fic, a couple announcements:
1. New peeps in this chappie!!! As they have requested, Steph and 0015 (Animegirl0014, now known as Cyborgirl0016) will continue to be in this fic, and now they will also be joined by fans Nonno, Panda Girl, Kirbykat and Tian Sirki (as the Flying Hamster of Doom). AND Cyborgirl0016 is now also Cyborgirl0016 and hamster 00cyborg 0016 in the fic. Although I promise I'll have more of the Ham-Hams and less of the cyborgs from now on, Panda Girl! Although they will still be in the fic, Cyborgirl0016, don't worry
2. Thanks to ALL who gave me ideas for this chappie: Nonno (who practically wrote the script for me!), Panda Girl, Kirbykat, Tian Sirki, Cyborgirl0016 - oh wait, it's all the same people that I just mentioned who are gonna be in this chappie! Oh well, anyhow...
3. Congrats to Hushi for getting the horror movie reference!!! A little late, yes, but you are exactly correct and still deserve a shout-out. BIG FAT OL' SHOUT-OUT TO HUSHI!!!! YAY
4. And...oh, that's all the announcements, now on with the fic!
~
*The story thus far (just thought I'd include this since it's been so long since the last chappie): Herbert and Jingle have been convicted of the murder of Ghetto Melon, the cantaloupe who simply wouldn't shut up, and so the Ham-Hams decided to go to hell to retrieve Ghetto Melon since their seance failed horribly. Now they are going to interrogate Ghetto Melon in order to find out what REALLY happened and, hopefully, get Herbert and Jingle off the hook.*
Genie: *holding Ghetto Melon* Okay, you horrible excuse for a piece of fruit, who killed you, how, and why?
Ghetto Melon: Yo, my homies, what it is? Someone busted some caps in my head, man!
Genie: So what you're saying is, someone shot you?
Ghetto Melon: Straight trippin' yo.
Genie: Well, who was it?
Ghetto Melon: Uh...
*47 minutes later*
Ghetto Melon: It was HIM!
Genie: Who?
Ghetto Melon: The orange one!
Hamtaro: Who, me?
Ghetto: Foshizzle, dawg.
*Everyone gives Hamtaro that annoyed / suspicious / exasperated look*
Hamtaro: No, wait! I swear it wasn't me! That stupid melon is a filthy liar!!! YOU MORON!!! *grabs Ghetto Melon and throws him back into hell*
Ghetto Melon: AAAAaaaaaahhhhh...*voice dramatically trails off*
Boss: Well if it wasn't you, then how do you explain THIS?! *grabs Hamtaro's paw*
Hamtaro: Explain...what?
Boss: Cantaloupe seeds on your paws
Hamtaro: You're lying too. There's nothing there.
Boss: That's what you WANT us to think, isn't it?
Hamtaro: *sweatdrop*
Bijou: I believe Hamtaro! I know he could never do something like that!
Hamtaro: Thanks Bij. *blushes*
Bijou: In fact, I think it must have been...HOWDY!
Everyone: GASP!
Howdy: WHAT?! How could you just throw the blame on me? What makes you think I killed him?
Bijou: The writing's on the wall, apron boy.
Howdy: What did you call me? *he gets one of those little pulsating anger marks on his forehead*
Bijou: Is it not obvious? Ghetto Melon was such a loud mouth, always trying to make himself seen, right? And you, always having to be in the center of the spotlight with your crummy jokes and stupid one-liners, couldn't take it, could you? So you killed him.
Boss: That's a pretty valid argument, you've gotta admit.
Howdy: NO IT'S NOT!!! AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY IT'S NOT!!! I KNOW WHO THE REAL KILLER IS
Bijou: Okay, who?
Howdy: None other than...DEXTER
Everyone: GASP
Dexter: ME?! WHERE D'YOU GET THAT IDEA?!
Howdy: I know you did it! I saw you do it!
Dexter: Did not!
Howdy: Did too.
Dexter: Not.
Howdy: Too.
Dexter: Apron-boy.
Howdy: AAARRRGHHHH!!! *starts pulling his own fur out*
Genie: Someone better do something. Howdy's molting.
Dexter: Well, I'll tell you who I think killed him. I'll bet it was Maxwell.
Everyone: GASP
Maxwell: Wha-huh??? Why me?!
Dexter: Don't kid yourself. We all know how much you hate melons.
Maxwell: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Dexter: Yep. Melon hater.
Maxwell: But it couldn't have been me because it was Steph
Everyone: GASP
Steffers: YAY
Genie: Why are you so happy? *sweatdrop*
Steffers: Cuz I haven't been in this chapter yet till now
Genie: Then you did kill Ghetto Melon?
Steffers: Heavens, no. It was you.
Everyone: GASP
Genie: WHAT?!
Steffers: It figures. I mean, you hated him more than anyone, if you ask me. So you did away with him. I mean, you are the writer of this fic and all. So you can do whatever you want.
Genie: Now that's not fair! I hated him, yeah, but I didn't kill him! I'm not a murderer!
Steffers: SURE you're not...*rolls eyes*...
Genie: *sigh* But I swear it wasn't me...If I had to guess, I'd say it was Boss...
Everyone: GASP
Boss: Er-uh-what? Whaddaya mean, me? How d'you...what...hey...
Genie: Yes, I'll bet it was you, Boss. I mean, at his funeral, you're the one who said he was annoying and all...and then you spit on his grave...well probably, I mean I didn't SEE you do that or anything...but we all know you were out to get him from day one...am I right or am I right?
Hamtaro: Uhhmmmm...Genie?
Genie: What?
Hamtaro: Who're you talking to?
Genie: Whaddaya mean, who am I - hey! Where's Boss?!
Steffers: He ran off.
Maxwell: Houston, we have our culprit.
*Everyone gives Max a funny look*
Maxwell: What?
Boss: *from off in the distance* HAHAHA SUCKERS!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE
Genie: What now?
Steffers: I say we take him alive.
Genie: Okay, you got any ideas?
Steffers: Uhhhhh.... *drools*
Stan: You're all hopeless. If you're gonna catch a criminal you hafta do it the right way.
Genie: What's that supposed to mean?
Stan: You hire a professional stalker to do the job.
Genie: Okay. Fine. Will do - as soon as you find a 'professional stalker' somewhere.
Stan: Alright! I think I still have her number somewhere...
Genie: Her...? Who?
Stan: Oh, right, sorry. My old college roommate, Nonno. She's a professional stalker if I ever saw one. Got herself a license and everything.
Genie: *is impressed*
Stan: *pulls a piece of paper out of his ear* Yeah, here we go...hey sis, can I borrow your cell?
Sandy: *talking on cell phone* Yeah...omg, really?! What did he say?! You're kidding!
Maxwell: She's talking to 003. She's on her honeymoon with 009 in New York, remember?
Stan: SANDY
Sandy: Darn it, I gotta go...yeah, my stupid brother wants to use my phone...you'll have to give me all the details later, mmmkay? Like, talk to ya later! *hangs up* Fine, Stan, just interrupt my VERY IMPORTANT call so YOU can use MY phone...
Stan: Important?
Sandy: YES, she was telling me about this cute little Italian restaraunt that has the BEST pasta ANYWHERE...
Stan: *sweatdrop* Well look, I gotta call up Nonno so she can track Boss down for us, OKAY?!
Sandy: Whatever.
Stan: *dials* Hello...Nonno? This is Stan. From college, remember? You don't. You know, tiger stripes, heart-meltingly handsome, threw all those cool parties? Still not ringing a bell? Come on, girl! I even went to that dance with you, remember? Yes...no...no, you're thinking of Chris P. Bacon. STOP LAUGHING!!! Well anyway, d'you think you could stalk someone for me? Yes, it's important. Okay. Nonno? ...Nonno? You there? Dang, I think I got disconnec-
Nonno: HI STAN
Stan: Wha- Nonno! You're here already?
Nonno: Yeah, I took the express train. *rubs her paws together excitedly* Alrighty then, who am I hunting down today?
Stan: Do you remember me now, babe?
Nonno: Of course! I was just kidding on the phone. How could I forget a cutie like you?
Stan: *blushes* Well, I do have a memorable face, don't I?
Sandy: Don't flatter yourself, bro. She probably remembers you from that time you got caught tp-ing your psychology professor's house and he made you clean his toilet.
Stan: I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?!
Sandy: You used to tell me everything.
Stan: Uh...ANYWAY!!! Nonno, the dude I need you to stalk is named Boss, and-
Nonno: Boss?!
Stan: Yeah...why? You know him?
Nonno: Oh...uh...well I mighta met him once...*thinking* Dear, sweet Boss...
Stan: Anyhow, we're pretty sure he killed Ghetto Melon, so we gotta catch him in order to prove Herbert and Jingle's innocence, mmmkay?
Nonno: Boss KILLED someone?!
Stan: We're talking about Ghetto Melon here. It was more like a heavenly blessing than a crime. But we still gotta get Herbert and Jingle out of the slammer, if you're willing to take him on.
Nonno: Right. I'm on it. *sneaks off after Boss*
Stan: *smiling very self-satisfiedly* See? We'll have him in no time.
Sandy: Can I have my cell phone back?
Genie: Someone tell Howdy to stop ripping his fur out now.
Steffers: LALALALA COCONUTS
*everyone stares at her*
Steffers: What? I hadn't said anything in a long time.
Mysterious Voice: Did someone say...COCONUTS?!
*a coconut falls out of the sky and hits Genie on the head*
Genie: OW! Hey, what was that?!
*a hamster floats down from the sky and lands next to her*
Flying Hamster: Fear me!!! I am the Flying Hamster of Doom!!! And I shall rain coconuts on your pitiful city
*everyone gets a sweatdrop*
Steffers: Hey uh...your name tag says 'Tian Sirki.'
FHOD: Uh...what? What- oh. Um...ignore that. Wait - hold on. *whips out a black magic marker, crosses out 'Tian Sirki' and writes 'Flying Hamster of Doom.'* There we go. NOW I shall rain coconuts on your pitiful city. MWAHAHAHA!!! *throws a coconut at Oxnard*
Oxnard: GAAAHHH!!! *ducks and the coconut hits Penelope*
Penelope: OW!!! HEY!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE THROWING THEM THINGS
*everyone just stands there staring at her*
Penelope: Oh...uh...what I meant was...a-hem...Ookwee
Pashmina: Atta girl.
Oxnard: Precious food...*starts eating the coconut*
*Suddenly the monkey cops appear out of nowhere*
MC1: We're on a mission
MC2: And we cannot fail
MC3: To find those two convicts
MC4: That broke out of jail!
Hamtaro: You mean Herbert and Jingle? They broke out???
MC1: One was a pig
MC2: And one had cool hair
MC3: Now you must tell us
MC4: If you've seen them somewhere!
Genie: Actually, no...but they're innocent! We know who really killed Ghetto Melon!
MC1: To add to our sorrow,
MC2: To add to our gloom,
MC3: Someone also has stolen
MC4: The Banana of Doom!
Genie: Oh...that...yeah...well I sorta found it by accident...I think it's here somewhere...hold on...darn it...any of you guys seen the Banana of Doom?
FHOD: I'm the Flying Hamster of Doom.
Genie: Yes, yes, we all know that...
Hamtaro: Maybe Cappy has it. He was in love with it and all.
Genie: Where's Cappy?
Hamtaro: Duuuuuhhhhh....*drools*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse
*Cappy's holding the Banana of Doom in his arms*
Cappy: Oh, my darling...you are so lovely...so beautiful...oh stop it, you're the cute one! You flatter me...I love you more than all of my hats combined...you are my light and my love...kiss me, dear...dear...dear...uh...you don't have a name, do you? I can't call you Banana of Doom...
Banana of Doom: ...
Cappy: Yes, yes, Adrienna! Such a lovely, lovely name...
Adrienna: ...
Cappy: Oh my...oh my...I have a very strong urge to...to...to peel you...
Adrienna: ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Uh...wherever everyone else was a moment ago
Genie: Okay, look, Monkey Cops. I'm not sure what happened to the Banana of Doom, but Herbert and Jingle are innocent and if you give Nonno a little time she's gonna catch the real culprit, okay?
MC1: We are not about to leave
MC2: Till we get our banana back
MC3: If you don't hand it over now
MC4: We'll call our boss to attack!
Genie: ...Boss?
Steffers: *whispering* Are you sure you don't know where the banana is?
MC1: *whips out a whistle and blows it really loud* PURPLE MONKEY ATTACK
Everyone: GASP!
*a giant purple monkey cop jumps out of the bushes*
Purple Monkey Cop: AAARRRGGHHHH!!! I AM THE BOSS OF THE MONKEY COPS!!! THE ONE THAT SIMPLY CAN'T BE STOPPED
Steffers: HELP
Genie: I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE BANANA OF DOOM IS
FHOD: Doom doom doom doom doom!!! *throws a coconut at the purple monkey cop*
Purple Monkey Cop: OW!!! NOW, FOOLISH HAMSTERS, YOU SHALL PAY!!! BELIEVE ME, YOU SHALL RUE THIS DAY
*suddenly Cappy appears out of nowhere*
Cappy: Hi guys! Guess what? Me and Adrienna are eloping!
Hamtaro: Who the heck is Adrienna?
Cappy: My girlfriend of course!
Genie: You mean that banana?
Purple Monkey Cop: Eh? *sees the Banana of Doom* SO, YOU STOLE THE BANANA SOMEHOW? I DEMAND YOU GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW
Cappy: NO!! YOU CAN'T STEAL MY LOVE!!! *runs away*
*all the monkey cops chase Cappy as he runs off into the sunset*
Genie: Well. That was interesting.
FHOD: Doom. *throws a coconut at Genie*
Genie: *clonk* Ow.
*just then another hamster falls out of the sky and lands next to the Flying Hamster of Doom*
Hamster who just fell out of the sky: AH! THERE YOU ARE, TIAN SIRKI
FHOD: Don't call me that!!! I'm the Flying Hamster of Doom and you know it
Genie: Who's this?
Hamster who just fell out of the sky: I'm Kirbykat!!! Nice to meet you!!! *shakes Genie's paw*
FHOD: *throws a coconut at Kirbykat*
Kirbykat: OW! HEY!
FHOD: Stop annoying people.
Kirbykat: You're the one throwing coconuts at people.
FHOD: Hey Kirbykat.
Kirbykat: Yeah?
FHOD: Wanna coconut?
Kirbykat: OKAY
FHOD: *throws a coconut at Kirbykat*
Kirbykat: *clonk* Ow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere far, far away but not too far
Nonno: *looking through binoculars* Hahaha...I've got you now, Boss...one slip and you're mine...all...mine...oh dear sweet Boss, how I long for you to be mine...
Boss: Urm...I'm standing right here.
Nonno: *puts down binoculars* Oops. Oh -uh - hi Boss
Boss: You've been stalking me for like five hours.
Nonno: Uh...yeah...heheheheh...
Boss: Just out of curiosity...was that true, what you just said?
Nonno: What I...uh...what do you mean? *puts on a very fake innocent smile*
Boss: About...um...wanting me?
Nonno: ..................................
Boss: Okay, well, if you'll excuse me, I really must continue running from the law now...
Nonno: NO! BOSS, WAIT!!! *falls down and grabs Boss's foot* DON'T LEAVE ME
Boss: I'm sorry, Nonno...but I am in love with another...
Nonno: I...I...I...*sob* WHO?! WHO COULD POSSIBLY LOVE YOU MORE THAN ME?!
Boss: I never said she loved me.
Nonno: ...
Boss: It's just...I...uh.....
Nonno: I'm WAITing...
Boss: Okay, okay, it's Sparkle, okay?!
Nonno: YOU LIKE THAT $!&@%?!
Boss: Woah there.
Nonno: But Boss...you...you...
Boss: What?
Nonno: You're...*sob*...you're under arrest.
Boss: What?
Nonno: I'm...sorry...*sob*
Boss: How could you, Nonno?
Nonno: It's my job. *whips out a pair of handcuffs and snaps them on Boss*
Boss: But...I saved. I thought that meant something to you. (A/N: Have any of you seen that commercial? Heheheh...okay, if anyone knows what the commercial was for that I took that line from, tell me in your reviews and you'll get a shout-out next chapter!!! Yay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse
*the door opens and Cappy comes in*
Cappy: Isn't this great, Adrienna? Nobody would expect us to be eloping at the clubhouse! They'll never find us here!
Adrienna: ...
Cappy: You're right, I didn't think of that...they probably WILL be back soon...but at least we got away from the Monkey Cops!
Adrienna: ...
Cappy: ...I'm bored. Wanna watch Jeopardy?
*Cappy's about to turn on the TV when the door opens and all the cyborgs come in*
Cappy: DANGIT
0010-: Oh man, that was awesome!
0010+: Yeah, great party, 007!
007: I wonder where all the Ham-Hams are...
Cappy: A-HEM!
008: Hey, what are you doing here, hathead? Where's everyone else?
Cappy: I'm trying to elope with my girlfriend!
001: Um, not to be rude or anything, but uh...what girlfriend?
Cappy: Adrienna, of course! *holds up the banana*
*all the cyborgs start laughing and poor naive little Cappy can't understand what's so funny*
*then the door opens and SPAT comes in!! dun dun dun!*
Spat: PFFTPPHTT!!! I HAVE FOUND YOU, PFTHP!!
Everyone: Eh???
Spat: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME, PFTPTH? WELL NOW I HAVE RETURNED TO HAVE MY VENGEANCE
0015: Ooh, this doesn't look good. Wands out, everyone.
*before anyone can attack, Spat shoots a big blast of fire out of his mouth*
*0015 holds up a big shield to deflect it*
0015: HOW DID HE SUDDENLY GET SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL?!
*just then the door opens, and a short cyborg with black hair and pink eyes comes in*
Cyborg: THERE YOU ALL ARE!!! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!!! And being attacked by an evil hamster returned from hell, too...looks like it's 0016 to the rescue again...
Spat: Pfthph?
0015: DON'T JUST STAND THERE!!! DO SOMETHING, 0016
0016: Not until you stop bossing me around.
0015: OKAY, OKAY
0016: Hmm?
0015: Okay, I'm sorry! Now PLEASE do something
0016: Righty-o. *turns invisible*
Spat: Pfpthhpphhtt??? Where'd you go, pffthph?!
*suddenly a chair levitates in the air and clonks Spat over the head*
Spat: PPFFTPHTTT
0016: *invisible* Haha! That was fun! I think I'll do it again! *uses her powers to go back in time and clonk Spat over the head with the chair again*
*and again*
*and again*
*and again*
*and again*
*and-
0015: I think that's enough.
*Spat's now fully unconscious*
0016: *turns visible again* You're welcome.
0015: You like to overdo it a little, don't you?
0016: Hey, I just saved your butts, you should be thanking me. *suddenly a loud clap of thunder is heard outside and it starts to rain*
0015: You really gotta learn to control your emotions better, 0016.
0016: I know, I know. (A/N: She controls the weather with her emotions through the tiara she wears on her head)
*then the door opens and another hamster comes in, completely drenched*
Hamster: 0016, you turned on the rain again, didn't you?! You should start practi - woah, what happened here? *looking at Spat*
0016: I saved the day, Cyborgirl0016
Cyborgirl0016: Nice work, 0016. *gives her a noogie* Oh yeah, and the Sailor Scouts are looking for you and 0014. Or should I say Sailor S and Sailor D...
0016: Huh? Oh...darn...But I'm having fun
*then the door opens and the Sailor Scouts come in, somehow...*
Sailor Scouts: Sailor S!!! Sailor D!!! We need you for our next mission!
0014: Oh well...time to go! Come on, 0016.
0016: Righty-o.
Other cyborgs: BYE 0016 and 0014
0014 and 0016: BYE HAMSTER 00CYBORGS
*then the door opens AGAIN and a little fox demon comes in*
*there's a brief confused silence*
Fox-demon: Uh...my name's Shippo. I'm looking for my comrades. Have any of you seen a half-wolf-demon, a teenage girl, a flea and a Buddhist monk anywhere?
Everyone else: *shakes head no*
Shippo: Oh wow, is that a banana? I'm starving! *looking at Adrienna*
Cappy: NO!!! SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND
0016: Oh wow, I completely forgot you were here, Cappy.
Cappy: So did the author. *cough* Genie *cough*
Shippo: *unbeknownst to everyone else, he's just taken Adrienna and bitten her head off*
Cappy: *notices that Adrienna's head has just been bitten off* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO GET MARRIED, TOO!!! *starts crying*
Shippo: Oh...I thought you were joking when you said she was your girlfriend... *whips out a bandage and puts it on Adrienna's head*
Cappy: *takes Adrienna away from Shippo and sticks out tongue* My poor darling...don't worry...it'll be okay...WELL EVERYONE, SO LONG!!! I'M GOING TO VEGAS TO GET MYSELF HITCHED!!! *leaves*
Everyone: -_O
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wherever everyone else was
Nonno: HEY GUYS!! I'M BACK!!! AND I CAUGHT BOSS
Everyone: HURRAY
Nonno: AND LOOK!!! I ALSO RAN INTO THIS ADORABLE WOLF THING!!! HIS NAME'S INU-YASHA
Inu-yasha: Feh. Someone remind me why I'm following hamsters around.
Nonno: OH YEAH, AND I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!! HER NAME'S PANDA GIRL
Everyone: HI PANDA GIRL
Panda Girl: Hamha! H-hi Panda... (A/N to Panda Girl - I'm assuming since your name is Panda Girl, Panda's your favorite, right? Or do you just like panda bears? Well anyhow, tell me if it's okay if I make you have a crush on Panda in this fic, mmmkay?)
Panda: *smiles* Nice to meet you!
Panda Girl: Um...just so you all know...some leprechaun's been following me around all day, and it's really scaring me, so be warned...
Genie: Oh great, Lucky's at it again...
Steffers: There he is! In that tree! *whips out a BB gun and shoots it at the tree, followed by the sound of someone in pain and then falling out of a tree*
Steffers: Haha! Got 'im!
Lucky: You didn't have to shoot me...
Steffers: OH YES I DID!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!
Genie: Calm down.
Steffers: Sorry.
Kirbykat: Hey, where'd Tian Sirki go? *a coconut falls on her head*
FHOD: *flying around above them* THAT'S FLYING HAMSTER OF DOOM TO YOU!!! *then she goes and drops a whole bunch of coconuts on Lucky*
Lucky: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OKAY I'LL LEAVE!!! *runs away*
FHOD: And that, my friends, is how you solve your leprechaun problems.
And that, my friends, is the story for now. As always, send me those ideas, and -
Boss: Hey, how come in this chapter everyone was against me, but nobody agreed with Hamtaro in the chapter when he said we should try to catch Herbert and Jingle?
Genie: Cuz you pretty much admitted it was you, doofus.
Boss: Hey, don't make fun of me. I have a shovel.
Genie: Good point. Okay, everyone, keep reading The Untold Hamtaro, get a good night's sleep, and tune in next time for when Boss goes to court!
Boss: Dangit.
Genie: Oh yeah, and I got TONS of ideas for this chapter, so if I left out anything that anyone told me, I'm sorry and just put it in your review and I'll make sure and include it next chapter. Mmmkay?
(oh yeah, and remember to tell me if you know what commercial this is from: "I saved. I thought that meant something to you." Heehee...good luck!)
^_^
Cricket: You're getting WAY off track. Can we PLEASE get to the fic?
Genie: Yeah no prob...hey wait, I thought you were in Iraq.
Cricket: Uh, they caught Saddam a long time ago. Now I have nobody to annoy.
Genie: GO FIND OSAMA THEN
Cricket: Okay, okay, sheesh. *catches the next flight to Iraq*
Genie: Okay, now, real quick before I start the fic, a couple announcements:
1. New peeps in this chappie!!! As they have requested, Steph and 0015 (Animegirl0014, now known as Cyborgirl0016) will continue to be in this fic, and now they will also be joined by fans Nonno, Panda Girl, Kirbykat and Tian Sirki (as the Flying Hamster of Doom). AND Cyborgirl0016 is now also Cyborgirl0016 and hamster 00cyborg 0016 in the fic. Although I promise I'll have more of the Ham-Hams and less of the cyborgs from now on, Panda Girl! Although they will still be in the fic, Cyborgirl0016, don't worry
2. Thanks to ALL who gave me ideas for this chappie: Nonno (who practically wrote the script for me!), Panda Girl, Kirbykat, Tian Sirki, Cyborgirl0016 - oh wait, it's all the same people that I just mentioned who are gonna be in this chappie! Oh well, anyhow...
3. Congrats to Hushi for getting the horror movie reference!!! A little late, yes, but you are exactly correct and still deserve a shout-out. BIG FAT OL' SHOUT-OUT TO HUSHI!!!! YAY
4. And...oh, that's all the announcements, now on with the fic!
~
*The story thus far (just thought I'd include this since it's been so long since the last chappie): Herbert and Jingle have been convicted of the murder of Ghetto Melon, the cantaloupe who simply wouldn't shut up, and so the Ham-Hams decided to go to hell to retrieve Ghetto Melon since their seance failed horribly. Now they are going to interrogate Ghetto Melon in order to find out what REALLY happened and, hopefully, get Herbert and Jingle off the hook.*
Genie: *holding Ghetto Melon* Okay, you horrible excuse for a piece of fruit, who killed you, how, and why?
Ghetto Melon: Yo, my homies, what it is? Someone busted some caps in my head, man!
Genie: So what you're saying is, someone shot you?
Ghetto Melon: Straight trippin' yo.
Genie: Well, who was it?
Ghetto Melon: Uh...
*47 minutes later*
Ghetto Melon: It was HIM!
Genie: Who?
Ghetto Melon: The orange one!
Hamtaro: Who, me?
Ghetto: Foshizzle, dawg.
*Everyone gives Hamtaro that annoyed / suspicious / exasperated look*
Hamtaro: No, wait! I swear it wasn't me! That stupid melon is a filthy liar!!! YOU MORON!!! *grabs Ghetto Melon and throws him back into hell*
Ghetto Melon: AAAAaaaaaahhhhh...*voice dramatically trails off*
Boss: Well if it wasn't you, then how do you explain THIS?! *grabs Hamtaro's paw*
Hamtaro: Explain...what?
Boss: Cantaloupe seeds on your paws
Hamtaro: You're lying too. There's nothing there.
Boss: That's what you WANT us to think, isn't it?
Hamtaro: *sweatdrop*
Bijou: I believe Hamtaro! I know he could never do something like that!
Hamtaro: Thanks Bij. *blushes*
Bijou: In fact, I think it must have been...HOWDY!
Everyone: GASP!
Howdy: WHAT?! How could you just throw the blame on me? What makes you think I killed him?
Bijou: The writing's on the wall, apron boy.
Howdy: What did you call me? *he gets one of those little pulsating anger marks on his forehead*
Bijou: Is it not obvious? Ghetto Melon was such a loud mouth, always trying to make himself seen, right? And you, always having to be in the center of the spotlight with your crummy jokes and stupid one-liners, couldn't take it, could you? So you killed him.
Boss: That's a pretty valid argument, you've gotta admit.
Howdy: NO IT'S NOT!!! AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY IT'S NOT!!! I KNOW WHO THE REAL KILLER IS
Bijou: Okay, who?
Howdy: None other than...DEXTER
Everyone: GASP
Dexter: ME?! WHERE D'YOU GET THAT IDEA?!
Howdy: I know you did it! I saw you do it!
Dexter: Did not!
Howdy: Did too.
Dexter: Not.
Howdy: Too.
Dexter: Apron-boy.
Howdy: AAARRRGHHHH!!! *starts pulling his own fur out*
Genie: Someone better do something. Howdy's molting.
Dexter: Well, I'll tell you who I think killed him. I'll bet it was Maxwell.
Everyone: GASP
Maxwell: Wha-huh??? Why me?!
Dexter: Don't kid yourself. We all know how much you hate melons.
Maxwell: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Dexter: Yep. Melon hater.
Maxwell: But it couldn't have been me because it was Steph
Everyone: GASP
Steffers: YAY
Genie: Why are you so happy? *sweatdrop*
Steffers: Cuz I haven't been in this chapter yet till now
Genie: Then you did kill Ghetto Melon?
Steffers: Heavens, no. It was you.
Everyone: GASP
Genie: WHAT?!
Steffers: It figures. I mean, you hated him more than anyone, if you ask me. So you did away with him. I mean, you are the writer of this fic and all. So you can do whatever you want.
Genie: Now that's not fair! I hated him, yeah, but I didn't kill him! I'm not a murderer!
Steffers: SURE you're not...*rolls eyes*...
Genie: *sigh* But I swear it wasn't me...If I had to guess, I'd say it was Boss...
Everyone: GASP
Boss: Er-uh-what? Whaddaya mean, me? How d'you...what...hey...
Genie: Yes, I'll bet it was you, Boss. I mean, at his funeral, you're the one who said he was annoying and all...and then you spit on his grave...well probably, I mean I didn't SEE you do that or anything...but we all know you were out to get him from day one...am I right or am I right?
Hamtaro: Uhhmmmm...Genie?
Genie: What?
Hamtaro: Who're you talking to?
Genie: Whaddaya mean, who am I - hey! Where's Boss?!
Steffers: He ran off.
Maxwell: Houston, we have our culprit.
*Everyone gives Max a funny look*
Maxwell: What?
Boss: *from off in the distance* HAHAHA SUCKERS!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE
Genie: What now?
Steffers: I say we take him alive.
Genie: Okay, you got any ideas?
Steffers: Uhhhhh.... *drools*
Stan: You're all hopeless. If you're gonna catch a criminal you hafta do it the right way.
Genie: What's that supposed to mean?
Stan: You hire a professional stalker to do the job.
Genie: Okay. Fine. Will do - as soon as you find a 'professional stalker' somewhere.
Stan: Alright! I think I still have her number somewhere...
Genie: Her...? Who?
Stan: Oh, right, sorry. My old college roommate, Nonno. She's a professional stalker if I ever saw one. Got herself a license and everything.
Genie: *is impressed*
Stan: *pulls a piece of paper out of his ear* Yeah, here we go...hey sis, can I borrow your cell?
Sandy: *talking on cell phone* Yeah...omg, really?! What did he say?! You're kidding!
Maxwell: She's talking to 003. She's on her honeymoon with 009 in New York, remember?
Stan: SANDY
Sandy: Darn it, I gotta go...yeah, my stupid brother wants to use my phone...you'll have to give me all the details later, mmmkay? Like, talk to ya later! *hangs up* Fine, Stan, just interrupt my VERY IMPORTANT call so YOU can use MY phone...
Stan: Important?
Sandy: YES, she was telling me about this cute little Italian restaraunt that has the BEST pasta ANYWHERE...
Stan: *sweatdrop* Well look, I gotta call up Nonno so she can track Boss down for us, OKAY?!
Sandy: Whatever.
Stan: *dials* Hello...Nonno? This is Stan. From college, remember? You don't. You know, tiger stripes, heart-meltingly handsome, threw all those cool parties? Still not ringing a bell? Come on, girl! I even went to that dance with you, remember? Yes...no...no, you're thinking of Chris P. Bacon. STOP LAUGHING!!! Well anyway, d'you think you could stalk someone for me? Yes, it's important. Okay. Nonno? ...Nonno? You there? Dang, I think I got disconnec-
Nonno: HI STAN
Stan: Wha- Nonno! You're here already?
Nonno: Yeah, I took the express train. *rubs her paws together excitedly* Alrighty then, who am I hunting down today?
Stan: Do you remember me now, babe?
Nonno: Of course! I was just kidding on the phone. How could I forget a cutie like you?
Stan: *blushes* Well, I do have a memorable face, don't I?
Sandy: Don't flatter yourself, bro. She probably remembers you from that time you got caught tp-ing your psychology professor's house and he made you clean his toilet.
Stan: I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?!
Sandy: You used to tell me everything.
Stan: Uh...ANYWAY!!! Nonno, the dude I need you to stalk is named Boss, and-
Nonno: Boss?!
Stan: Yeah...why? You know him?
Nonno: Oh...uh...well I mighta met him once...*thinking* Dear, sweet Boss...
Stan: Anyhow, we're pretty sure he killed Ghetto Melon, so we gotta catch him in order to prove Herbert and Jingle's innocence, mmmkay?
Nonno: Boss KILLED someone?!
Stan: We're talking about Ghetto Melon here. It was more like a heavenly blessing than a crime. But we still gotta get Herbert and Jingle out of the slammer, if you're willing to take him on.
Nonno: Right. I'm on it. *sneaks off after Boss*
Stan: *smiling very self-satisfiedly* See? We'll have him in no time.
Sandy: Can I have my cell phone back?
Genie: Someone tell Howdy to stop ripping his fur out now.
Steffers: LALALALA COCONUTS
*everyone stares at her*
Steffers: What? I hadn't said anything in a long time.
Mysterious Voice: Did someone say...COCONUTS?!
*a coconut falls out of the sky and hits Genie on the head*
Genie: OW! Hey, what was that?!
*a hamster floats down from the sky and lands next to her*
Flying Hamster: Fear me!!! I am the Flying Hamster of Doom!!! And I shall rain coconuts on your pitiful city
*everyone gets a sweatdrop*
Steffers: Hey uh...your name tag says 'Tian Sirki.'
FHOD: Uh...what? What- oh. Um...ignore that. Wait - hold on. *whips out a black magic marker, crosses out 'Tian Sirki' and writes 'Flying Hamster of Doom.'* There we go. NOW I shall rain coconuts on your pitiful city. MWAHAHAHA!!! *throws a coconut at Oxnard*
Oxnard: GAAAHHH!!! *ducks and the coconut hits Penelope*
Penelope: OW!!! HEY!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE THROWING THEM THINGS
*everyone just stands there staring at her*
Penelope: Oh...uh...what I meant was...a-hem...Ookwee
Pashmina: Atta girl.
Oxnard: Precious food...*starts eating the coconut*
*Suddenly the monkey cops appear out of nowhere*
MC1: We're on a mission
MC2: And we cannot fail
MC3: To find those two convicts
MC4: That broke out of jail!
Hamtaro: You mean Herbert and Jingle? They broke out???
MC1: One was a pig
MC2: And one had cool hair
MC3: Now you must tell us
MC4: If you've seen them somewhere!
Genie: Actually, no...but they're innocent! We know who really killed Ghetto Melon!
MC1: To add to our sorrow,
MC2: To add to our gloom,
MC3: Someone also has stolen
MC4: The Banana of Doom!
Genie: Oh...that...yeah...well I sorta found it by accident...I think it's here somewhere...hold on...darn it...any of you guys seen the Banana of Doom?
FHOD: I'm the Flying Hamster of Doom.
Genie: Yes, yes, we all know that...
Hamtaro: Maybe Cappy has it. He was in love with it and all.
Genie: Where's Cappy?
Hamtaro: Duuuuuhhhhh....*drools*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse
*Cappy's holding the Banana of Doom in his arms*
Cappy: Oh, my darling...you are so lovely...so beautiful...oh stop it, you're the cute one! You flatter me...I love you more than all of my hats combined...you are my light and my love...kiss me, dear...dear...dear...uh...you don't have a name, do you? I can't call you Banana of Doom...
Banana of Doom: ...
Cappy: Yes, yes, Adrienna! Such a lovely, lovely name...
Adrienna: ...
Cappy: Oh my...oh my...I have a very strong urge to...to...to peel you...
Adrienna: ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Uh...wherever everyone else was a moment ago
Genie: Okay, look, Monkey Cops. I'm not sure what happened to the Banana of Doom, but Herbert and Jingle are innocent and if you give Nonno a little time she's gonna catch the real culprit, okay?
MC1: We are not about to leave
MC2: Till we get our banana back
MC3: If you don't hand it over now
MC4: We'll call our boss to attack!
Genie: ...Boss?
Steffers: *whispering* Are you sure you don't know where the banana is?
MC1: *whips out a whistle and blows it really loud* PURPLE MONKEY ATTACK
Everyone: GASP!
*a giant purple monkey cop jumps out of the bushes*
Purple Monkey Cop: AAARRRGGHHHH!!! I AM THE BOSS OF THE MONKEY COPS!!! THE ONE THAT SIMPLY CAN'T BE STOPPED
Steffers: HELP
Genie: I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE BANANA OF DOOM IS
FHOD: Doom doom doom doom doom!!! *throws a coconut at the purple monkey cop*
Purple Monkey Cop: OW!!! NOW, FOOLISH HAMSTERS, YOU SHALL PAY!!! BELIEVE ME, YOU SHALL RUE THIS DAY
*suddenly Cappy appears out of nowhere*
Cappy: Hi guys! Guess what? Me and Adrienna are eloping!
Hamtaro: Who the heck is Adrienna?
Cappy: My girlfriend of course!
Genie: You mean that banana?
Purple Monkey Cop: Eh? *sees the Banana of Doom* SO, YOU STOLE THE BANANA SOMEHOW? I DEMAND YOU GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW
Cappy: NO!! YOU CAN'T STEAL MY LOVE!!! *runs away*
*all the monkey cops chase Cappy as he runs off into the sunset*
Genie: Well. That was interesting.
FHOD: Doom. *throws a coconut at Genie*
Genie: *clonk* Ow.
*just then another hamster falls out of the sky and lands next to the Flying Hamster of Doom*
Hamster who just fell out of the sky: AH! THERE YOU ARE, TIAN SIRKI
FHOD: Don't call me that!!! I'm the Flying Hamster of Doom and you know it
Genie: Who's this?
Hamster who just fell out of the sky: I'm Kirbykat!!! Nice to meet you!!! *shakes Genie's paw*
FHOD: *throws a coconut at Kirbykat*
Kirbykat: OW! HEY!
FHOD: Stop annoying people.
Kirbykat: You're the one throwing coconuts at people.
FHOD: Hey Kirbykat.
Kirbykat: Yeah?
FHOD: Wanna coconut?
Kirbykat: OKAY
FHOD: *throws a coconut at Kirbykat*
Kirbykat: *clonk* Ow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere far, far away but not too far
Nonno: *looking through binoculars* Hahaha...I've got you now, Boss...one slip and you're mine...all...mine...oh dear sweet Boss, how I long for you to be mine...
Boss: Urm...I'm standing right here.
Nonno: *puts down binoculars* Oops. Oh -uh - hi Boss
Boss: You've been stalking me for like five hours.
Nonno: Uh...yeah...heheheheh...
Boss: Just out of curiosity...was that true, what you just said?
Nonno: What I...uh...what do you mean? *puts on a very fake innocent smile*
Boss: About...um...wanting me?
Nonno: ..................................
Boss: Okay, well, if you'll excuse me, I really must continue running from the law now...
Nonno: NO! BOSS, WAIT!!! *falls down and grabs Boss's foot* DON'T LEAVE ME
Boss: I'm sorry, Nonno...but I am in love with another...
Nonno: I...I...I...*sob* WHO?! WHO COULD POSSIBLY LOVE YOU MORE THAN ME?!
Boss: I never said she loved me.
Nonno: ...
Boss: It's just...I...uh.....
Nonno: I'm WAITing...
Boss: Okay, okay, it's Sparkle, okay?!
Nonno: YOU LIKE THAT $!&@%?!
Boss: Woah there.
Nonno: But Boss...you...you...
Boss: What?
Nonno: You're...*sob*...you're under arrest.
Boss: What?
Nonno: I'm...sorry...*sob*
Boss: How could you, Nonno?
Nonno: It's my job. *whips out a pair of handcuffs and snaps them on Boss*
Boss: But...I saved. I thought that meant something to you. (A/N: Have any of you seen that commercial? Heheheh...okay, if anyone knows what the commercial was for that I took that line from, tell me in your reviews and you'll get a shout-out next chapter!!! Yay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse
*the door opens and Cappy comes in*
Cappy: Isn't this great, Adrienna? Nobody would expect us to be eloping at the clubhouse! They'll never find us here!
Adrienna: ...
Cappy: You're right, I didn't think of that...they probably WILL be back soon...but at least we got away from the Monkey Cops!
Adrienna: ...
Cappy: ...I'm bored. Wanna watch Jeopardy?
*Cappy's about to turn on the TV when the door opens and all the cyborgs come in*
Cappy: DANGIT
0010-: Oh man, that was awesome!
0010+: Yeah, great party, 007!
007: I wonder where all the Ham-Hams are...
Cappy: A-HEM!
008: Hey, what are you doing here, hathead? Where's everyone else?
Cappy: I'm trying to elope with my girlfriend!
001: Um, not to be rude or anything, but uh...what girlfriend?
Cappy: Adrienna, of course! *holds up the banana*
*all the cyborgs start laughing and poor naive little Cappy can't understand what's so funny*
*then the door opens and SPAT comes in!! dun dun dun!*
Spat: PFFTPPHTT!!! I HAVE FOUND YOU, PFTHP!!
Everyone: Eh???
Spat: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME, PFTPTH? WELL NOW I HAVE RETURNED TO HAVE MY VENGEANCE
0015: Ooh, this doesn't look good. Wands out, everyone.
*before anyone can attack, Spat shoots a big blast of fire out of his mouth*
*0015 holds up a big shield to deflect it*
0015: HOW DID HE SUDDENLY GET SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL?!
*just then the door opens, and a short cyborg with black hair and pink eyes comes in*
Cyborg: THERE YOU ALL ARE!!! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!!! And being attacked by an evil hamster returned from hell, too...looks like it's 0016 to the rescue again...
Spat: Pfthph?
0015: DON'T JUST STAND THERE!!! DO SOMETHING, 0016
0016: Not until you stop bossing me around.
0015: OKAY, OKAY
0016: Hmm?
0015: Okay, I'm sorry! Now PLEASE do something
0016: Righty-o. *turns invisible*
Spat: Pfpthhpphhtt??? Where'd you go, pffthph?!
*suddenly a chair levitates in the air and clonks Spat over the head*
Spat: PPFFTPHTTT
0016: *invisible* Haha! That was fun! I think I'll do it again! *uses her powers to go back in time and clonk Spat over the head with the chair again*
*and again*
*and again*
*and again*
*and again*
*and-
0015: I think that's enough.
*Spat's now fully unconscious*
0016: *turns visible again* You're welcome.
0015: You like to overdo it a little, don't you?
0016: Hey, I just saved your butts, you should be thanking me. *suddenly a loud clap of thunder is heard outside and it starts to rain*
0015: You really gotta learn to control your emotions better, 0016.
0016: I know, I know. (A/N: She controls the weather with her emotions through the tiara she wears on her head)
*then the door opens and another hamster comes in, completely drenched*
Hamster: 0016, you turned on the rain again, didn't you?! You should start practi - woah, what happened here? *looking at Spat*
0016: I saved the day, Cyborgirl0016
Cyborgirl0016: Nice work, 0016. *gives her a noogie* Oh yeah, and the Sailor Scouts are looking for you and 0014. Or should I say Sailor S and Sailor D...
0016: Huh? Oh...darn...But I'm having fun
*then the door opens and the Sailor Scouts come in, somehow...*
Sailor Scouts: Sailor S!!! Sailor D!!! We need you for our next mission!
0014: Oh well...time to go! Come on, 0016.
0016: Righty-o.
Other cyborgs: BYE 0016 and 0014
0014 and 0016: BYE HAMSTER 00CYBORGS
*then the door opens AGAIN and a little fox demon comes in*
*there's a brief confused silence*
Fox-demon: Uh...my name's Shippo. I'm looking for my comrades. Have any of you seen a half-wolf-demon, a teenage girl, a flea and a Buddhist monk anywhere?
Everyone else: *shakes head no*
Shippo: Oh wow, is that a banana? I'm starving! *looking at Adrienna*
Cappy: NO!!! SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND
0016: Oh wow, I completely forgot you were here, Cappy.
Cappy: So did the author. *cough* Genie *cough*
Shippo: *unbeknownst to everyone else, he's just taken Adrienna and bitten her head off*
Cappy: *notices that Adrienna's head has just been bitten off* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO GET MARRIED, TOO!!! *starts crying*
Shippo: Oh...I thought you were joking when you said she was your girlfriend... *whips out a bandage and puts it on Adrienna's head*
Cappy: *takes Adrienna away from Shippo and sticks out tongue* My poor darling...don't worry...it'll be okay...WELL EVERYONE, SO LONG!!! I'M GOING TO VEGAS TO GET MYSELF HITCHED!!! *leaves*
Everyone: -_O
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wherever everyone else was
Nonno: HEY GUYS!! I'M BACK!!! AND I CAUGHT BOSS
Everyone: HURRAY
Nonno: AND LOOK!!! I ALSO RAN INTO THIS ADORABLE WOLF THING!!! HIS NAME'S INU-YASHA
Inu-yasha: Feh. Someone remind me why I'm following hamsters around.
Nonno: OH YEAH, AND I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!! HER NAME'S PANDA GIRL
Everyone: HI PANDA GIRL
Panda Girl: Hamha! H-hi Panda... (A/N to Panda Girl - I'm assuming since your name is Panda Girl, Panda's your favorite, right? Or do you just like panda bears? Well anyhow, tell me if it's okay if I make you have a crush on Panda in this fic, mmmkay?)
Panda: *smiles* Nice to meet you!
Panda Girl: Um...just so you all know...some leprechaun's been following me around all day, and it's really scaring me, so be warned...
Genie: Oh great, Lucky's at it again...
Steffers: There he is! In that tree! *whips out a BB gun and shoots it at the tree, followed by the sound of someone in pain and then falling out of a tree*
Steffers: Haha! Got 'im!
Lucky: You didn't have to shoot me...
Steffers: OH YES I DID!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!
Genie: Calm down.
Steffers: Sorry.
Kirbykat: Hey, where'd Tian Sirki go? *a coconut falls on her head*
FHOD: *flying around above them* THAT'S FLYING HAMSTER OF DOOM TO YOU!!! *then she goes and drops a whole bunch of coconuts on Lucky*
Lucky: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OKAY I'LL LEAVE!!! *runs away*
FHOD: And that, my friends, is how you solve your leprechaun problems.
And that, my friends, is the story for now. As always, send me those ideas, and -
Boss: Hey, how come in this chapter everyone was against me, but nobody agreed with Hamtaro in the chapter when he said we should try to catch Herbert and Jingle?
Genie: Cuz you pretty much admitted it was you, doofus.
Boss: Hey, don't make fun of me. I have a shovel.
Genie: Good point. Okay, everyone, keep reading The Untold Hamtaro, get a good night's sleep, and tune in next time for when Boss goes to court!
Boss: Dangit.
Genie: Oh yeah, and I got TONS of ideas for this chapter, so if I left out anything that anyone told me, I'm sorry and just put it in your review and I'll make sure and include it next chapter. Mmmkay?
(oh yeah, and remember to tell me if you know what commercial this is from: "I saved. I thought that meant something to you." Heehee...good luck!)
^_^