AAARRGGGHHHH!!!! (Yellin' at myself) SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!! Well, I'm
not gonna keep you waitin this time, thanks all who gave me ideas, not
gonna name them all this time cuz I don't feel like it but you know who you
are! So uh...uh...just read it and be happy. ^^
Oh yeah – sorry – one other thing – xxjinglexx, if you're reading this, I am REALLY SORRY, I know I said I was gonna put those scripts you sent me on my website, but see what happened was I didn't get around to it for a while and I left them in my mailbox and then when I went back thy had gotten deleted! I hate it when I do that, if I read email and then press 'keep as new' to leave it in there, stupid aol will still delete them after a while – I felt so dumb and I tried emailing you about it but you didn't reply – so anyway if you're reading this please send me your scripts again and I promise I will put them up! You're not mad, are you? *puppy dog eyes*
Ok, that is all, NOW read. ^^
~
*Boss has been arrested for the murder of Ghetto Melon and is now defending himself in court; of course, all of his friends are there to...uh...support him or something*
Bailiff: All rise for the honorable judge john.
*Everyone rises, john comes in and sits down at the judge's stand*
Bailiff: You may now be seated. The court now calls to order the case of Ghetto Melon vs. Boss.
Ghetto Melon's attorney: I would like to call my first witness to the stand, Mr. Herbert the Pig.
Herbert: Oinky. *goes to the witness stand*
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Herbert: Oink.
Bailiff: Good enough.
GMA: Now, Mr. Herbert, could you tell us exactly where you were and what you did on the seventh of October, 1954?
Herbert: Oinky oinky oink?
GMA: Just answer the question.
Herbert: Oinkity oink oinky oink oink oink.
GMA: Uh...urm...
Jingle: He said he wasn't born then.
GMA: Oh...okay, then, uh, what relation have you had with the late Mr. Ghetto Melon? How did you know him?
Herbert: Oinkity oinkity oink oink oinky oink oink oinkity oink.
Jingle: He said he found him in a bowling ball bag inside a refrigerator when he was scavenging for food, mistook him for a bowling ball, and used him as such, then after realizing his mistake, assumed he had killed the guy.
GMA: I see...so, what evidence have we to believe that it was not you but Boss who killed Ghetto Melon?
Herbert: Oink oink oinkity.
Jingle: He said Boss confessed of his own free will.
GMA: Is that so...?
Boss: OBJECTION!!!
Nonno: Boss, don't you remember what I told you? "Anything you say can and will be used against you."
Boss: Oh...right...dang...
GMA: No further questions, your honor.
Flying Hamster of Doom: WAIT!!! I HAVE A QUESTION!!!
john: Eh? You can't ask -
Flying Hamster of Doom: *rushes to the front of the court where Jingle is* OHMYGOSH!! Jingle, you're my hero! OHOHOH!!! I love your mohawk! Can I pet your mohawk?
john: Order, order in the court!!!
Flying Hamster of Doom: OH SHUT UP!!! *throws a coconut at john*
john: Ow...
Jingle: I must say I am quite flattered, I never knew how much I mattered.
Flying Hamster of Doom: Heeheehee...*petting Jingle's mohawk* Can I have your autograph? PLEASE?!
Jingle: If you would loan me paper and pen, I could give you my autograph then.
Flying Hamster of Doom: Oh...just a sec...KIRBYKAT!!! GET UP HERE!!!
Kirbykat: What? What do you want?
Flying Hamster of Doom: *reaches into Kirbykat's ear and pulls out a pen and paper* Thanks.
Kirbykay: Uh...
Jingle: Here you go. *signs the paper*
Flying Hamster of Doom: YAY!!!
YAY: Huh? What?
Flying Hamster of Doom: Huh? Who're you?
YAY: I'm YAY!!! I'm new to the fic. Didn't you call me?
Flying Hamster of Doom: Oh wow!!! I like meeting new people!!!
john: PLEASE take your seats.
Flying Hamster of Doom: Okay, okay, okay...
Kirbykat: Right then.
YAY: Sorry.
*they go back to their seats*
john: Cross-examination may now commence.
Boss: Right then. Mr. Herbert -
john: Wait, wait, wait. You're representing yourself? No attorney or anything?
Boss: I can represent myself just fine, thank you.
john: Okay, fine, go on.
Boss: A-hem. Mr. Herbert. What is the first letter of the alphabet?
Herbert: Oinkity?
Boss: Oinkity, eh? I see...
Jingle: Actually, he was asking if you meant the Japanese alphabet or the Engl-
Boss: SO, it is plain that you have very few brain cells in your skull. Am I correct in assuming this, Mr. Herbert?
GMA: Objection!
john: Boss, what does this have to do with anything?
Boss: Uh...no further questions, your honor.
john: In that case, Herbert, take a seat. Boss, you may call your first witness.
Boss: Right...I call to the stand Mr. Maxwell.
Maxwell: Me? But I'm not a witness, I didn't witness anything! I'm trying to stay out of this whole -
Boss: *drags Maxwell to the witness stand*
Bailiff: You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Maxwell: *sigh* Yes, yes...
Boss: Okay, now, uh, Max. You ever seen a talking fruit before?
Maxwell: You mean before Ghetto Melon? No...I didn't think it was possible...but then, we are talking hamsters, so...
Boss: AND would you have any basis for believing anything a talking fruit says?
Maxwell: I...uh...I can't really answer that...I couldn't really say...
Boss: IF a piece of fruit walked up to you on the street and told you the sky was falling, would you believe it?
Maxwell: Well that would depend on if the sky was actually falling or not...
Boss: IF there was no sign of the sky falling, would you believe a fruit that told you the sky was falling?
Maxwell: I suppose not...but then if YOU told me that, I wouldn't believe -
Boss: No further questions.
Maxwell: *sweatdrop*
john: Very good, cross-examination Mr. Ghetto Melon's Attorney?
GMA: Yes, uh, Maxwell? You say you wouldn't believe a piece of fruit that told you the sky was falling?
Maxwell: Well, no, if it was quite obvious that the sky WASN'T falling...
GMA: And have you any reason for not wanting to believe a piece of fruit, hmm?
Maxwell: Well I...it's not...I wouldn't believe ANYONE who told me the -
GMA: I see, you can't come up with a reason, can you? RACIST!!!
Maxwell: WHAT?! I'm not racist!!! You didn't let me finish!!! Besides, FRUIT isn't even a race, it's a kind of PLANT for crying out loud!
GMA: Racist against plants, are we?
Maxwell: AAARRRRGHHHHH!!!!!
Sandy: STOP TORMENTING HIM!!! *runs up to the witness box*
GMA: Who the heck are you?
Sandy: The name's Sandy, and I happen to be Maxy's wife so BACK OFF!!!
GMA: Oooh, care to be my next witness?
Sandy: Fine, if you'll stop asking my husband pointless questions and then twisting his answers around to make him look bad.
GMA: Okay, in that case...my first question to you is...is Maxwell a good kisser?
Sandy: *goes dark red* BOSS!!! AREN'T YOU GONNA OBJECT TO THAT?!
Boss: Hmm? Oh...er...uh...actually...uh...mmm...I think I'll allow this one...
Sandy: UURGRHHH!!! But that's a PERSONAL question! It has nothing to do with anything!!!
Maxwell: Have ANY of these questions had anything to do with anything?
Sandy: Good point...
GMA: You gonna answer?
Sandy: Okay okay okay...if you really have to know...Max is the best kisser I've ever made out with!
Maxwell: *blushing* Uhmm...that's very flattering...but you've made out with other guys besides me?
Sandy: You're not jealous, are you?
Maxwell: Anyone I know?
Sandy: Um...er...uh... IT WAS ON A FREAKIN' DARE, OKAY?!
Maxwell: Wha-? Who?
Sandy: NEVER MIND, FORGET IT OKAY?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere not too awfully far away~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Auntie Viv: Oh Elder-Ham, you're such a good kisser!
Elder-Ham: Heheheh. *thinking: Dangit, my sweet Vivian doesn't kiss nearly as well as that other girl...what was her name? Sarah...Susan..Sappy...I dunno...*
(A/N: I'm horrible, aren't I? *devilish chuckle*)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in the courtroom~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GMA: No further questions, your honor.
Boss: Well I've got a few.
john: Okay, go ahead Boss.
Boss: Alright, Sandy...so, do you think I killed Ghetto Melon?
Sandy: Well, you said yourself that -
Boss: LET ME REPHRASE THAT. Am I the kind of person who would kill someone?
Sandy: Person? No, cuz you're a hamst-
Boss: LET ME REPHRASE THAT. Am I the kind of hamster who would kill someone?
Sandy: Maybe someone like Ghetto Melon. You just couldn't hide how much you hated him, could you?
Boss: WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO? IT'S AS IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME IN JAIL!!!
Sandy: Hey, I'm not allowed to lie you know.
Boss: NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!!!
john: Uhm...yeah. Maxwell, Sandy, please return to your seats. Do you have any more useless witnesses to question, Boss?
Boss: Yeah...uh...let's see...I'd like to call the lovely, beautiful, stunningly gorgeous Sparkle to the stand.
Sparkle: What?! I'm not supposed to be in this fanfic! I want out! You can't make me, I'm a star! Although I must admit, I am lovely, beautiful, and stunningly gorgeous...
Boss: Okay, Sparkle. First of all, how close were you to the deceased?
Sparkle: What? Hey, how'd I get in the witness box? This isn't fair!
john: Answer the question.
Sparkle: What? I didn't even know the dumb melon!
john: *sigh* Boss, if she doesn't even know Ghetto Melon, how is she supposed to be a reliable witness?
Boss: Well uh...Sparkle, uh...um...
john: If you're not going to ask her any more questions, then -
Boss: SparkledoyouthinkI'mcute?
Sparkle: ...Excuse me?
Boss: *deep breath* Sparkle...er...uh...do you...um...do you think I'm cute?
Sparkle: WHAT?! DO YOU LIKE ME OR SOMETHING?! OH THE THOUGHT! THE THOUGHT OF GOING OUT WITH A DIRTY, SMELLY FIELD HAMSTER! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!
Boss: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! ALL MY DREAMS AND HOPES, CRUSHED! *the background turns black and he gets all icy, you know, like what happens whenever someone's dreams and hopes get crushed)
Nonno: *crashes through the ceiling* AARRRGHHHH!!!! HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM DIRTY AND SMELLY!!! YOU SHALL PAY!!! *drops a 17-ton anvil on Sparkle*
Sparkle: ......ouchichi
Boss: Wow....I'm not sure what to think right now...
GMA: I'd like to cross-examine the witness...
john: I don't think that's possible, at the moment...seeing as how she's suffering from a near-fatal concussion...
*A couple of nurse hamsters rush to the scene with a stretcher and cart Sparkle away to the nearest hospital*
Nonno: Well er...my work here is done. *exits through the hole she created in the ceiling*
john: Er-hem...um...I think it's about time for the jury to make their verdict...
Maxwell: Hold on, hold on. Out of all the witnesses that have shared their information with us, we haven't gained a single piece of evidence, either proving or disproving Boss's innocence! Are they just going to pull a verdict out of their ears, or what?
*One of the hamsters in the jury reaches into a hat, pulls out a piece of paper and unfolds it*
Jury hamster: Guilty, your honor.
Maxwell: *sweatdrop* Somehow pulling a verdict out of a hat isn't much better than pulling it out of one's ear...
john: Boss, you have been found guilty of murder in the first degree by the state of California.
Boss: This isn't Californ-
john: I hereby sentence you to 47 years in a state correctional facility, or twelve hours watching 'The Brady Bunch.' Your pick.
Boss: I'll take the 47 years.
john: Good choice. *throws a cardboard box over Boss*
Boss: This is jail?
john: It's temporary. Okay, boys, take 'im away.
*Two police-hams carry the box with Boss inside it to a Fed-Ex truck and throw it in the back*
Boss: Genie, you've got a strange imagination.
Genie: *smiles* I know...
*And thus Boss is carted off to jail in the back of a Fed-Ex truck*
Hamtaro: Wow...things are sure gonna be different without Boss around...
*Nonno crashes through the ceiling again*
Nonno: Are you kidding?! You think I'm just gonna sit here while my Boss gets thrown in the slammer? No way, I'm bustin' him out myself, you'll see!
Hamtaro: ...you're the one who arrested him.
Nonno: What difference does it make? I still have to -
Mysterious voice: Hold it right there!
*everyone turns to see who the mysterious voice belongs to, and see a hamster carrying a purse, a bag of sugar, and a giant spoon, with a mushroom sitting on her head*
Nonno: Who're you?
Mysterious hamster: I am HUSHI THE GREAT! ME AND MY MUSHROOM SHALL RULE THE WORLD! BUT FIRST, I MUST RID IT OF YOU!!!
Nonno: Eh?!! What do you have against me???
Hushi: There can only be ONE girl for Boss, and that's me! Which is why I must also kill Sparkle! ERASE ALL COMPETITION!!!! BOSS SHALL BE MY PRECIOUS AND MY PRECIOUS ONLY!!! AARRRGHHHHH!!! *rushes at Nonno with her giant spoon* THIS IS FOR GHETTO MELON!!!
Nonno: AAAHHHHH!!!! *leaps out of the way just in time*
Hushi: DIE! DIE! DIE! *swinging the spoon at Nonno*
Flying Hamster of Doom: Hold on.
Hushi&Nonno: Huh? *they freeze in place*
Flying Hamster of Doom: You said 'This is for Ghetto Melon' like you were friends with him or something.
Hushi: Yes. *sniff* Dear, departed Ghetto Melon...
Flying Hamster of Doom: But you're in love with Boss, who killed him.
Hushi: DO YOU WISH TO DIE AS WELL?!
Flying Hamster of Doom: Well...I didn't mean...
Hushi: AAARRRGHHHH!!!! *chases Nonno and Flying Hamster of Doom into the sunset*
Kirbykat: *sigh*
YAY: ...What's with the mushroom and the spoon and the purse and the bag of sugar anyway?
Cyborgirl0016: Who knows...
*just then 0016 and 0014 appear*
0016: Hey everyone, we're back!
0014: What's up?
002: Well, let's see...Boss is doing time for killing that talking cantaloupe thing, he confessed his love to Sparkle and totally got shot down, and now two other girls are after him, one of whom is a psycho with a mushroom, a bag of sugar, a giant spoon and a purse.
0014: ...Whatever you say, 002. *smacks him upside the head*
Steffers: Hey guys...speaking of Sparkle, you might want to come take a look at this...*holds up one of those portable TV doohickies*
Everyone: Eh?
Guy on TV: Pop star Sparkle the hamster, who was rushed to the hospital earlier today after being smashed by an anvil, was just found dead after apparently being beaten with a large, blunt object...An autopsy has been requested, although experts say the object appears to have been a giant piece of silverware such as a spoon...
Everyone: ...
YAY: I'd say that's the work of Hushi.
Kirbykat: Ya think?!
Steffers: But how did she...
002: It doesn't matter HOW, what matters is WHY!
0016: Well, we know WHY...
0014: Yeah, 002. *smacks him upside the head again*
Steffers: What matters is, let's get the heck out of here before she comes after US.
YAY: Good idea. TO THE CLUBHOUSE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the jail~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guard: Boss, you have a visitor.
Boss: Eh?
Nonno: HI BOSS!!!
Boss: Oh. Hey Nonno.
Nonno: Chin up, Boss my man! I'm bustin' you out right here, right now!
Guard: Um...
Nonno: Right. You didn't hear that.
Guard: But -
Nonno: Just...uh...turn around, uh, close your eyes, plug your ears and whistle the Andy Griffith theme song to yourself, kay?
Guard: Okey dokey. *turns around, closes his eyes, plugs his ears and starts whistling the Andy Griffith theme song*
Nonno: Right, so like I was saying...I brought you this cake, Boss. *hands him a cake with all different kinds of blades and stuff sticking out of it in various directions* I think there's a chainsaw in there, and a flamethrower, and a few sticks of dynamite for good measure, and a bunch of other junk I found lying around...something in there oughta get you out of here...
Boss: How the heck did you get this in here? Didn't they have to inspect it first or something?
Nonno: Yeah, they did...but apparently none of the guards here are any smarter than that one...*points to the guard who's still whistling the Andy Griffith theme*
Boss: Ah.
Nonno: Well....come on, ain't got all day, let's get you out of here!
Boss: Okay...let's play a little game of grab bag. *reaches into the cake and pulls out something* Okay, looks like we're trying the ol' garden hoe first.
Nonno: Oh crap, that's where my neighbor's hoe went...uh, gimme that, that's not supposed to be in there.
Boss: Alright...how about this axe then?
Nonno: You know what, let's just cut to the chase and go straight to the flamethrower.
Boss: Okay...here we go. *pulls out the flamethrower*
Nonno: Gimme that. *takes the flamethrower and uses it to melt the bars of Boss's cell*
Boss: Haha! Delicious freedom!
Nonno: Hurrah! TO THE CLUBHOUSE!!! Everyone's gonna be so happy when I tell them how I rescued you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YAY: Boss is gonna be so upset when we tell him how Hushi killed Sparkle.
Kirbykat: You think he still likes her even though she was so mean to him?
*just then the door opens and Cappy comes in with Adrienne (the Banana of Doom, in case you've forgotten since it's been so long since last time)*
Cappy: HI EVERYONE!!! GUESS WHAT?! ME AND ADRIENNE ARE OFFICIALLY MARRIED!!!
Oxnard: Calm down there, soldier.
Cyborgirl0016: Yeah, seriously, Cappy, we have some major issues on our hands - er, paws - right now.
Cappy: Really? Like what?
Maxwell: Like Boss is in jail and there's a psycho killer on the loose who wants to rule the world with her mushroom.
Cappy: Ah.
*then the door opens and Hushi comes in*
Maxwell: Speak of the devil.
Hamtaro: AHHHH!!! HOW'D YOU FIND US?!!!
Hushi: Heck, I'm not after any of you anyhow...still looking for that Nonno girl...
Kirbykat: Where's Tian Sirki? I mean, the Flying Hamster of Doom?
Hushi: How should I know?
Kirbykat: You were chasing her.
Hushi: Uh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In an arcade on the outskirts of Memphis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Hamster of Doom: *playing Pac-Man* DARN YOU, BLINKY!!! (A/N: For those of you who don't know, Blinky is one of the Pac-Man ghosts...I forget what color, though)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YAY: AND you killed Sparkle, didn't you, Hushi?
Hushi: Told ya I would. Now all that's left is Nonno, and then Lucky.........AND THAT BANANA!!!
Cappy: WHAT?!
Hushi: I HATE BANANAS!!!! DIE, BANANA!!!! *smashes Adrienne with her spoon until she is only a pile of banana glop*
Cappy: errsskkkaaahahhahdsudgsfsgutgggerettttsskkkjtggeeepppwwwrrrrrcccuuurrrhhhtt (A/N: that's the sound Cappy makes when he's having a mental breakdown)
Hushi: Now, can anyone tell me where Nonno is?
Everyone: Eh...
Hushi: Well in that case, I'm outta here. *leaves, then pops her head back in for a second* By the way, how do you like my purse? His name's Porky the Snail!!!
Everyone: Eh...
Cappy: errsskkkaaahahhahdsudgsfsgutgggerettttsskkkjtggeeepppwwwrrrrrcccuuurrrhhhtt
Hushi: Well, gotta go! Ta-ta! *leaves for good*
Cappy: A...Adri...ennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn......*starts sobbing and licking the banana glop off the floor*
Oxnard: There, there, soldier.
Penelope: Ookyoo. *hugs Cappy*
Cappy: Eh?
Penelope: *takes off her blanket* That's better, it was getting stuffy in there. NOW GET OVER THE FREAKIN' BANANA ALREADY!!! IT WAS A FREAKIN' BANANA!!!
Everyone: -_O
Pashmina: You can talk!
Penelope: I can talk?
Everyone: SHE CAN TALK!!!
*cheesy music starts playing in the background like everyone's gonna start singing a really cheesy song about Penelope being able to talk, but Genie pulls the record off the record player just in time*
Cappy: Penelope...you...I...ADRIENNE WAS MORE THAN A FREAKIN' BANANA!!! SHE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME!!!
Penelope: *smacks him* CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING, SOLDIER?
Oxnard: Hey...soldier's my word...
Cappy: Eh?
Penelope: I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR A REALLY LONG TIME BUT THEN YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THE STUPID BANANA, AND DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE CARES MORE ABOUT A PIECE OF FRUIT THAN ABOUT YOU?!
Cappy: Penny....why didn't you tell me how you felt?
Penelope: Somehow I don't think 'ookyoo' could convey my feelings.
Cappy: Good point.
Penelope: ...So?
Cappy: So what?
Penelope: So...do you like me or what?
Pashmina: Say yes or your favorite hat gets to take a ride on the whirling vortex of doom.
Cappy: What's that?
Pashmina: I'll flush it down the toilet, poo head.
Howdy: Heheh. Poo.
Cappy: Oh, well in that case yes.
Penelope: OOKWEEE!!!! That is to say, YAY!!
YAY: Huh?
Penelope: Sorry.
YAY: What?
Penelope: Never mind.
YAY: I get that a lot...
*A few moments pass in utter silence*
Kirbykat: So.
Cyborgirl0016: Hmm.
YAY: Bored...
Steffers: This IS boring...I mean, Nonno's got the whole breaking-Boss-out- of-jail thing under control, so what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
Genie: I KNOW!!!
Everyone: What?
Genie: LET'S PLAY THE PAY GENIE A HUNDRED BUCKS GAME!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!! *trap Genie in a wine glass*
Genie: Hey...I was just kidding...lemme out!!! How the heck did I fit in here anyway?
Steffers: We're hamsters, remember?
Genie: So is this a regular wine glass or hamster-sized?
Steffers: Regular, dimwit.
Cappy: AHHHH!!! WHERE'D ADRIENNE GO??!!!
Panda: I thought you were done licking her off the floor so I scraped her up and threw her away.
Cappy: NOOOOOO!!!!!
Penelope: I told you to get over it, loser!!! *bashes him over the head with his own pot*
Pashmina: Atta girl. Gotta show your guy who's boss. Be in control. Right, Dexter?
Dexter: Eh?
Pashmina: I SAID...*cracking her knuckles* RIGHT, DEXTER?!
Dexter: Yes ma'am.
*Just then, Jingle appears at the door*
Jingle: HEY GUESS WHAT!!!
Everyone: Eh?
Jingle: THERE'S A MIME OUT THERE!!!! A REAL LIVE STREET MIME!!!!
Everyone: SWEEEEEEET!!! *they all rush out to see the mime*
Genie: Uh...little help? *still trapped in a wine glass*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At some per shop somewhere~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hushi: Okey dokey, let's see...*puts her bag of sugar on the counter* You got any goldfish here?
Guy behind counter: *eyeing the bag of sugar* Yes ma'am we do.
Hushi: Any that eat leprechauns?
Guy: Not sure about that...
Hushi: Hmm...what do you think, sugar bag? *puts her ear next to the bag of sugar* Okay, good idea. We'll take your biggest, scariest goldfish.
Guy: Yes ma'am. Here ya go. *hands her a small tank with a goldfish in it that's about as big as a quarter*
Hushi: THIS THE BIGGEST YOU GOT??!!
Guy: Yes ma'am it is ma'am.
Hushi: Hmm...
Goldfish: Meow.
Hushi: I'LL TAKE IT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~On some street outside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*the street mime is pretending to be trapped in an invisible box*
Sandy: This is, like, totally awesome! I've always wanted to see a real mime!
Stan: Real mime my foot. This guy's terrible. Let's throw rocks at him.
YAY: Heheh! Good idea!
*Stan picks up a rock and prepares to hurl it at the mime*
Sandy: Stan, stop it! That's like, totally rude!
Stan: Oh yeah? Watch this! *hurls the rock at the mime*
Mime: PPFFPTTH!!!
Stan: HA! KNEW IT! THAT'S NO MIME, IT'S SPAT!!!
YAY: Stan, you're brilliant! And funny, too...^^
Stan: Aww, well, thank you. Can't argue with the facts. Maybe sometime you and I could get together, hmm? Whaddaya say?
Sandy: STAN!!! STOP FLIRTING AND DO SOMETHING!!!
Stan: Eh?
Spat: PPPFFTTHHPPHH!!! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THROWING THAT ROCK, FOOLISH FOOL!!! ...And how'd you know it was me, anyhow?
Stan: Actually, I didn't really, I was planning on throwing the rock anyhow and happened to get lucky...
Sandy: STAN!!!
Maxwell: Plus the whole wings/devilish tail/pointy things on your head kinda give you away.
Spat: DARN IT!!! That is to say, PPFFTHPPHHTT!!! ALL OF YOU SHALL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF MESSING WITH THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SPAT!!!
Penelope: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!!!
Everyone: Eh?
Penelope: Say hello to...SUPERHAMHAMGIRL!!! *her blanket turns into a cape and then she whips a glowing pink light saber-ish thingy out of nowhere*
Pashmina: Wow...Penny, how come you never told me you could do that???
Penelope: *sweatdrop* I couldn't talk before, remember?
Pashmina: Heh...that's right.
Penelope: Anyhow...PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MATCH, EVIL DOER!!!
*at that moment the Flying Hamster of Doom flies onto the scene*
Flying Hamster of Doom: Haha, guess what! I got the high score on Pac-Man AND Mrs. Pac-Man! And then - OH MY GOSH!!! IT'S SPAT!!!
Penelope: Yeah, we know...I'm about to take care of him though, so please, just step aside and I'll -
Flying Hamster of Doom: THIS IS SO COOL!!! I GET TO MEET JINGLE AND SPAT ON THE SAME DAY!!! *gives Spat a hug*
Spat: PPFFTTPHHTHH!!! RELEASE ME, FOUL CREATURE, OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!!
Flying Hamster of Doom: OOH OOH OOH!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE??!!
Spat: I'D RATHER EAT MY OWN TWO FEET!!!
Jingle: Good one. Nice ring to it.
Flying Hamster of Doom: OOH OOH I KNOW!!! JINGLE, COME HERE!!! *grabs Jingle and pulls him over by Spat, then stands between them* KIRBYKAT!!!
Kirbykat: Eh?
Flying Hamster of Doom: TAKE PICTURE!!!
Kirbykat: *sigh* Yes, master...*whips out a camera and takes a picture of the Flying Hamster of Doom with Jingle and Spat*
Flying Hamster of Doom: YAY!!!
YAY: WHAT??!!
Flying Hamster of Doom: Huh?
YAY: *sigh* I wish everyone would stop doing that...
Spat: PPFFTPPTHH!!! THE FLASH! OH, THE BLINDING, HORRIBLE LIGHT, PPFTPPTHH!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!! MUST...FLEE...PPTTHHPHHTT!!!!!!! *runs away*
Flying Hamster of Doom: Darn.
Penelope: Poop! I didn't get to use my awesome pink glowing light saber-ish thingy!!!
Pashmina: Next time, Penny...next time.
*just then, 003 and 009 appear*
003: HI EVERYONE!!!
009: What's going on here?
Cyborgirl0016: Well, first of all -
002: Why don't you just read the fic for yourselves, it'll be easier than us telling you everything.
0014: Don't be so rude. *smacks 002 upside the head* How was the honeymoon?
003: It was amazing! I've never had so much fun in my life!!! ^^
009: Yeah...heheh...fun...*cough* she ran me ragged *cough*
0016: Well, congrats, 009! *holds out a paw*
009: Uh...thanks. *shakes paws and immediately gets shocked*
0016: HAHAHA!! GOT YOU!!!
009: WHAT IS THAT, ONE OF THOSE ELECTRIC HAND BUZZER THINGS??!!
0016: YOU GOT IT!!!
003: HAHA! She got you pretty good there, 009...
009: Oh shut up.
0016: Hey 003, wanna smell this flower I picked? *holds up a flower*
003: OKAY! *leans into the flower and gets squirted with water*
0016: HAHA!! GOT YOU TOO!!!
003: Errrrrrggghhh.....
009: Ya know, if you had looked a little closer, you MIGHT have been able to tell that flower's plastic...
003: Oh shut up.
*then Boss and Nonno appear*
Boss: HI EVERYONE!! MISS ME??!!
Hamtaro: BOSS!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER!!! *hugs him*
Boss: O-kay, little too close for comfort there...and what do you mean you thought I was a goner?
Nonno: Just ignore him. *whacks Hamtaro with a rubber mallet*
Bijou: How did you do it, Nonno?
Nonno: Well, I made this cake, see...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nonno's pointless flashback time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nonno: Okay, let's see... *reading directions on a cake mix box* Add two cups water, one cup vegetable oil, three eggs...throw in a few explosives, some sharp pointy things for good measure -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nonno's pointless flashback is interrupted~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: Okay, shut up. Long story short, the guards were dumb and the flamethrower was powerful enough to melt the bars.
*suddenly Hushi appears*
Hushi: HA! I KNEW I'D FIND YOU!!! YOU MUST DIE NOW, NONNO!!! I AM THE ONLY ONE FOR BOSS!!! AND NOW I HAVE A SECRET WEAPON: MEET FANGS THE GOLDFISH!!!
Nonno: Oh great.
Hushi: *holds up a goldfish bowl with Fangs inside* SAY HELLO, FANGS!!!
Fangs: *burps and a piece of leprechaun hat floats to the top of the bowl*
Nonno: Er...what did that thing have for lunch?
Hushi: HAHA!!! I TOLD YOU I WOULD GET RID OF THAT STUPID LUCKY THE LEPRECHAUN!!!
Steffers: Hold it right there, evil person!
Hushi: Hamster.
Steffers: Right. Evil hamster! Your stupid fish is no match for my turtle, Billy-Bob-Joe-Lenny-Smith-The-Turtle the 12th!!! GET HER, BILLY-BOB-JOE- LENNY-SMITH-THE-TURTLE THE 12TH!!! HAHAHA!!! THAT'S RIGHT, BITE HER LEGS OFF!!
Everyone: -_O
Hushi: I see no turtle here.
Steffers: That's because only I can see him!
Hushi: So...he's imaginary?
Steffers: No...INVISIBLE! To everyone but me.
Hushi: Then...why am I feeling no pain?
Steffers: Because...uh...er...magic?
Hushi: I will not waste my time with this. NONNO, YOU'RE MINE!!! *starts chasing Nonno*
Nonno: Oh crap. *runs away*
Hushi: COME BACK HERE!!! FACE THE WRATH OF MY GIANT SPOON!!!
Boss: Maybe I'll just go back to jail...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Later, at 009 and 003's new deluxe three-story house~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*btw, Boss didn't go back to jail*
*the phone rings*
009: Honey, will you get that?
003: Mmmmmkay. *picks up the phone* Hello?
0016: *on the other end of the line* Is your refrigerator running?
003: Uh...lemme check. SWEETIE, IS OUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING???
009: YES, DEAR!
003: *into the phone* Mmmmmm yep.
0016: THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! *hangs up*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
0016: HAHA! That was great!
Boss: How many times must I tell you NOT to use my phone for prank calls?
0016: But you do it.
Boss: But it's my phone.
0016: Oh dang.
Cyborgirl0016: What?
0016: Almost forgot, I gotta go home. Next flight to Sayina for the next three years leaves in two minutes.
Cyborgirl0016: TWO MINUTES??!!
0016: Yeah.
Cyborgirl0016: Quick, go go go!!! *shoves her out the door* Don't want you to miss it!
0016: Okay, well, I guess I'll see you lat -
Cyborgirl0016: *slams the door in her face*
0016: - er.
Cyborgirl0016: YES, she's gone!!! *to herself* Heheh, now I've got 005 all to myself...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie: *still trapped in a wine glass* Phew, that was one long chapter...hope you all enjoyed it! If I left out anything, any ideas any of you sent me or if I forgot to include someone in the fic that wanted to be in it, please feel free to tack a picture of my face to your wall and then throw darts at it. But be sure to aim for the eyes. Oh yeah, I guess none of you have a picture of my face, so if you would like to create a dart board with my face on it, here's what I look like: I'm Caucasian (white skin) with blue eyes and shoulder length brown hair...and that's about all I can tell you cuz I don't know how else to describe my face...ANYWAY. Flame me, yell at me, curse my soul to an eternity of suffering, just please, remember the Alamo. And tell me if I did forget anything, because that's important for me to know. Also, if you are currently a character in the fic and want to stay in the fic, I need feedback from you. So like, if you tell me you want to be in the fic, and then you don't review ever again, I'm going to stop putting you in the fic. Everyone okay with that? Okay. So far that hasn't been an issue. ^^ (ah, my loyal, adoring fans!)
Next chapter:
Nonno continues to be hunted down by Hushi. Who will win Boss's heart?
Something a little different: the four couples (H+B, S+M, D+P, 009+003) go on the Newlywed Game! If you don't know what that is, you should watch more GSN (Game Show Network). I probably watch too much GSN, cuz I love the old game shows, and since Hamtaro doesn't come on weekdays anymore...*sorrow*...ANYHOW, what it is, is the host asks the husbands questions about their wives and vice versa, and they have to try to guess how their spouse would answer the question. Well, anyhow, if you know what I mean, or if you've seen the Newlywed Game before, give me some ideas for questions to use in the next chapter. I'll pick the best eight. ^^
AND...how will Genie escape her cruel fate? *little help here?*
And, of course, as always give me your ideas and I will put them to good (hopefully) use!
Once again, sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It won't happen again. Hopefully.
Your friend and wonderfully wise guru, the GenieMaster, signing off for now. ^_^
P.S.: The next chapter(s) of Hamtaro's Extremely Demented 12 Days O' Christmas are coming soon...sorry that's takin me so long too...^^
Oh yeah – sorry – one other thing – xxjinglexx, if you're reading this, I am REALLY SORRY, I know I said I was gonna put those scripts you sent me on my website, but see what happened was I didn't get around to it for a while and I left them in my mailbox and then when I went back thy had gotten deleted! I hate it when I do that, if I read email and then press 'keep as new' to leave it in there, stupid aol will still delete them after a while – I felt so dumb and I tried emailing you about it but you didn't reply – so anyway if you're reading this please send me your scripts again and I promise I will put them up! You're not mad, are you? *puppy dog eyes*
Ok, that is all, NOW read. ^^
~
*Boss has been arrested for the murder of Ghetto Melon and is now defending himself in court; of course, all of his friends are there to...uh...support him or something*
Bailiff: All rise for the honorable judge john.
*Everyone rises, john comes in and sits down at the judge's stand*
Bailiff: You may now be seated. The court now calls to order the case of Ghetto Melon vs. Boss.
Ghetto Melon's attorney: I would like to call my first witness to the stand, Mr. Herbert the Pig.
Herbert: Oinky. *goes to the witness stand*
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Herbert: Oink.
Bailiff: Good enough.
GMA: Now, Mr. Herbert, could you tell us exactly where you were and what you did on the seventh of October, 1954?
Herbert: Oinky oinky oink?
GMA: Just answer the question.
Herbert: Oinkity oink oinky oink oink oink.
GMA: Uh...urm...
Jingle: He said he wasn't born then.
GMA: Oh...okay, then, uh, what relation have you had with the late Mr. Ghetto Melon? How did you know him?
Herbert: Oinkity oinkity oink oink oinky oink oink oinkity oink.
Jingle: He said he found him in a bowling ball bag inside a refrigerator when he was scavenging for food, mistook him for a bowling ball, and used him as such, then after realizing his mistake, assumed he had killed the guy.
GMA: I see...so, what evidence have we to believe that it was not you but Boss who killed Ghetto Melon?
Herbert: Oink oink oinkity.
Jingle: He said Boss confessed of his own free will.
GMA: Is that so...?
Boss: OBJECTION!!!
Nonno: Boss, don't you remember what I told you? "Anything you say can and will be used against you."
Boss: Oh...right...dang...
GMA: No further questions, your honor.
Flying Hamster of Doom: WAIT!!! I HAVE A QUESTION!!!
john: Eh? You can't ask -
Flying Hamster of Doom: *rushes to the front of the court where Jingle is* OHMYGOSH!! Jingle, you're my hero! OHOHOH!!! I love your mohawk! Can I pet your mohawk?
john: Order, order in the court!!!
Flying Hamster of Doom: OH SHUT UP!!! *throws a coconut at john*
john: Ow...
Jingle: I must say I am quite flattered, I never knew how much I mattered.
Flying Hamster of Doom: Heeheehee...*petting Jingle's mohawk* Can I have your autograph? PLEASE?!
Jingle: If you would loan me paper and pen, I could give you my autograph then.
Flying Hamster of Doom: Oh...just a sec...KIRBYKAT!!! GET UP HERE!!!
Kirbykat: What? What do you want?
Flying Hamster of Doom: *reaches into Kirbykat's ear and pulls out a pen and paper* Thanks.
Kirbykay: Uh...
Jingle: Here you go. *signs the paper*
Flying Hamster of Doom: YAY!!!
YAY: Huh? What?
Flying Hamster of Doom: Huh? Who're you?
YAY: I'm YAY!!! I'm new to the fic. Didn't you call me?
Flying Hamster of Doom: Oh wow!!! I like meeting new people!!!
john: PLEASE take your seats.
Flying Hamster of Doom: Okay, okay, okay...
Kirbykat: Right then.
YAY: Sorry.
*they go back to their seats*
john: Cross-examination may now commence.
Boss: Right then. Mr. Herbert -
john: Wait, wait, wait. You're representing yourself? No attorney or anything?
Boss: I can represent myself just fine, thank you.
john: Okay, fine, go on.
Boss: A-hem. Mr. Herbert. What is the first letter of the alphabet?
Herbert: Oinkity?
Boss: Oinkity, eh? I see...
Jingle: Actually, he was asking if you meant the Japanese alphabet or the Engl-
Boss: SO, it is plain that you have very few brain cells in your skull. Am I correct in assuming this, Mr. Herbert?
GMA: Objection!
john: Boss, what does this have to do with anything?
Boss: Uh...no further questions, your honor.
john: In that case, Herbert, take a seat. Boss, you may call your first witness.
Boss: Right...I call to the stand Mr. Maxwell.
Maxwell: Me? But I'm not a witness, I didn't witness anything! I'm trying to stay out of this whole -
Boss: *drags Maxwell to the witness stand*
Bailiff: You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Maxwell: *sigh* Yes, yes...
Boss: Okay, now, uh, Max. You ever seen a talking fruit before?
Maxwell: You mean before Ghetto Melon? No...I didn't think it was possible...but then, we are talking hamsters, so...
Boss: AND would you have any basis for believing anything a talking fruit says?
Maxwell: I...uh...I can't really answer that...I couldn't really say...
Boss: IF a piece of fruit walked up to you on the street and told you the sky was falling, would you believe it?
Maxwell: Well that would depend on if the sky was actually falling or not...
Boss: IF there was no sign of the sky falling, would you believe a fruit that told you the sky was falling?
Maxwell: I suppose not...but then if YOU told me that, I wouldn't believe -
Boss: No further questions.
Maxwell: *sweatdrop*
john: Very good, cross-examination Mr. Ghetto Melon's Attorney?
GMA: Yes, uh, Maxwell? You say you wouldn't believe a piece of fruit that told you the sky was falling?
Maxwell: Well, no, if it was quite obvious that the sky WASN'T falling...
GMA: And have you any reason for not wanting to believe a piece of fruit, hmm?
Maxwell: Well I...it's not...I wouldn't believe ANYONE who told me the -
GMA: I see, you can't come up with a reason, can you? RACIST!!!
Maxwell: WHAT?! I'm not racist!!! You didn't let me finish!!! Besides, FRUIT isn't even a race, it's a kind of PLANT for crying out loud!
GMA: Racist against plants, are we?
Maxwell: AAARRRRGHHHHH!!!!!
Sandy: STOP TORMENTING HIM!!! *runs up to the witness box*
GMA: Who the heck are you?
Sandy: The name's Sandy, and I happen to be Maxy's wife so BACK OFF!!!
GMA: Oooh, care to be my next witness?
Sandy: Fine, if you'll stop asking my husband pointless questions and then twisting his answers around to make him look bad.
GMA: Okay, in that case...my first question to you is...is Maxwell a good kisser?
Sandy: *goes dark red* BOSS!!! AREN'T YOU GONNA OBJECT TO THAT?!
Boss: Hmm? Oh...er...uh...actually...uh...mmm...I think I'll allow this one...
Sandy: UURGRHHH!!! But that's a PERSONAL question! It has nothing to do with anything!!!
Maxwell: Have ANY of these questions had anything to do with anything?
Sandy: Good point...
GMA: You gonna answer?
Sandy: Okay okay okay...if you really have to know...Max is the best kisser I've ever made out with!
Maxwell: *blushing* Uhmm...that's very flattering...but you've made out with other guys besides me?
Sandy: You're not jealous, are you?
Maxwell: Anyone I know?
Sandy: Um...er...uh... IT WAS ON A FREAKIN' DARE, OKAY?!
Maxwell: Wha-? Who?
Sandy: NEVER MIND, FORGET IT OKAY?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere not too awfully far away~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Auntie Viv: Oh Elder-Ham, you're such a good kisser!
Elder-Ham: Heheheh. *thinking: Dangit, my sweet Vivian doesn't kiss nearly as well as that other girl...what was her name? Sarah...Susan..Sappy...I dunno...*
(A/N: I'm horrible, aren't I? *devilish chuckle*)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in the courtroom~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GMA: No further questions, your honor.
Boss: Well I've got a few.
john: Okay, go ahead Boss.
Boss: Alright, Sandy...so, do you think I killed Ghetto Melon?
Sandy: Well, you said yourself that -
Boss: LET ME REPHRASE THAT. Am I the kind of person who would kill someone?
Sandy: Person? No, cuz you're a hamst-
Boss: LET ME REPHRASE THAT. Am I the kind of hamster who would kill someone?
Sandy: Maybe someone like Ghetto Melon. You just couldn't hide how much you hated him, could you?
Boss: WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO? IT'S AS IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME IN JAIL!!!
Sandy: Hey, I'm not allowed to lie you know.
Boss: NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!!!
john: Uhm...yeah. Maxwell, Sandy, please return to your seats. Do you have any more useless witnesses to question, Boss?
Boss: Yeah...uh...let's see...I'd like to call the lovely, beautiful, stunningly gorgeous Sparkle to the stand.
Sparkle: What?! I'm not supposed to be in this fanfic! I want out! You can't make me, I'm a star! Although I must admit, I am lovely, beautiful, and stunningly gorgeous...
Boss: Okay, Sparkle. First of all, how close were you to the deceased?
Sparkle: What? Hey, how'd I get in the witness box? This isn't fair!
john: Answer the question.
Sparkle: What? I didn't even know the dumb melon!
john: *sigh* Boss, if she doesn't even know Ghetto Melon, how is she supposed to be a reliable witness?
Boss: Well uh...Sparkle, uh...um...
john: If you're not going to ask her any more questions, then -
Boss: SparkledoyouthinkI'mcute?
Sparkle: ...Excuse me?
Boss: *deep breath* Sparkle...er...uh...do you...um...do you think I'm cute?
Sparkle: WHAT?! DO YOU LIKE ME OR SOMETHING?! OH THE THOUGHT! THE THOUGHT OF GOING OUT WITH A DIRTY, SMELLY FIELD HAMSTER! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!
Boss: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! ALL MY DREAMS AND HOPES, CRUSHED! *the background turns black and he gets all icy, you know, like what happens whenever someone's dreams and hopes get crushed)
Nonno: *crashes through the ceiling* AARRRGHHHH!!!! HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM DIRTY AND SMELLY!!! YOU SHALL PAY!!! *drops a 17-ton anvil on Sparkle*
Sparkle: ......ouchichi
Boss: Wow....I'm not sure what to think right now...
GMA: I'd like to cross-examine the witness...
john: I don't think that's possible, at the moment...seeing as how she's suffering from a near-fatal concussion...
*A couple of nurse hamsters rush to the scene with a stretcher and cart Sparkle away to the nearest hospital*
Nonno: Well er...my work here is done. *exits through the hole she created in the ceiling*
john: Er-hem...um...I think it's about time for the jury to make their verdict...
Maxwell: Hold on, hold on. Out of all the witnesses that have shared their information with us, we haven't gained a single piece of evidence, either proving or disproving Boss's innocence! Are they just going to pull a verdict out of their ears, or what?
*One of the hamsters in the jury reaches into a hat, pulls out a piece of paper and unfolds it*
Jury hamster: Guilty, your honor.
Maxwell: *sweatdrop* Somehow pulling a verdict out of a hat isn't much better than pulling it out of one's ear...
john: Boss, you have been found guilty of murder in the first degree by the state of California.
Boss: This isn't Californ-
john: I hereby sentence you to 47 years in a state correctional facility, or twelve hours watching 'The Brady Bunch.' Your pick.
Boss: I'll take the 47 years.
john: Good choice. *throws a cardboard box over Boss*
Boss: This is jail?
john: It's temporary. Okay, boys, take 'im away.
*Two police-hams carry the box with Boss inside it to a Fed-Ex truck and throw it in the back*
Boss: Genie, you've got a strange imagination.
Genie: *smiles* I know...
*And thus Boss is carted off to jail in the back of a Fed-Ex truck*
Hamtaro: Wow...things are sure gonna be different without Boss around...
*Nonno crashes through the ceiling again*
Nonno: Are you kidding?! You think I'm just gonna sit here while my Boss gets thrown in the slammer? No way, I'm bustin' him out myself, you'll see!
Hamtaro: ...you're the one who arrested him.
Nonno: What difference does it make? I still have to -
Mysterious voice: Hold it right there!
*everyone turns to see who the mysterious voice belongs to, and see a hamster carrying a purse, a bag of sugar, and a giant spoon, with a mushroom sitting on her head*
Nonno: Who're you?
Mysterious hamster: I am HUSHI THE GREAT! ME AND MY MUSHROOM SHALL RULE THE WORLD! BUT FIRST, I MUST RID IT OF YOU!!!
Nonno: Eh?!! What do you have against me???
Hushi: There can only be ONE girl for Boss, and that's me! Which is why I must also kill Sparkle! ERASE ALL COMPETITION!!!! BOSS SHALL BE MY PRECIOUS AND MY PRECIOUS ONLY!!! AARRRGHHHHH!!! *rushes at Nonno with her giant spoon* THIS IS FOR GHETTO MELON!!!
Nonno: AAAHHHHH!!!! *leaps out of the way just in time*
Hushi: DIE! DIE! DIE! *swinging the spoon at Nonno*
Flying Hamster of Doom: Hold on.
Hushi&Nonno: Huh? *they freeze in place*
Flying Hamster of Doom: You said 'This is for Ghetto Melon' like you were friends with him or something.
Hushi: Yes. *sniff* Dear, departed Ghetto Melon...
Flying Hamster of Doom: But you're in love with Boss, who killed him.
Hushi: DO YOU WISH TO DIE AS WELL?!
Flying Hamster of Doom: Well...I didn't mean...
Hushi: AAARRRGHHHH!!!! *chases Nonno and Flying Hamster of Doom into the sunset*
Kirbykat: *sigh*
YAY: ...What's with the mushroom and the spoon and the purse and the bag of sugar anyway?
Cyborgirl0016: Who knows...
*just then 0016 and 0014 appear*
0016: Hey everyone, we're back!
0014: What's up?
002: Well, let's see...Boss is doing time for killing that talking cantaloupe thing, he confessed his love to Sparkle and totally got shot down, and now two other girls are after him, one of whom is a psycho with a mushroom, a bag of sugar, a giant spoon and a purse.
0014: ...Whatever you say, 002. *smacks him upside the head*
Steffers: Hey guys...speaking of Sparkle, you might want to come take a look at this...*holds up one of those portable TV doohickies*
Everyone: Eh?
Guy on TV: Pop star Sparkle the hamster, who was rushed to the hospital earlier today after being smashed by an anvil, was just found dead after apparently being beaten with a large, blunt object...An autopsy has been requested, although experts say the object appears to have been a giant piece of silverware such as a spoon...
Everyone: ...
YAY: I'd say that's the work of Hushi.
Kirbykat: Ya think?!
Steffers: But how did she...
002: It doesn't matter HOW, what matters is WHY!
0016: Well, we know WHY...
0014: Yeah, 002. *smacks him upside the head again*
Steffers: What matters is, let's get the heck out of here before she comes after US.
YAY: Good idea. TO THE CLUBHOUSE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the jail~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guard: Boss, you have a visitor.
Boss: Eh?
Nonno: HI BOSS!!!
Boss: Oh. Hey Nonno.
Nonno: Chin up, Boss my man! I'm bustin' you out right here, right now!
Guard: Um...
Nonno: Right. You didn't hear that.
Guard: But -
Nonno: Just...uh...turn around, uh, close your eyes, plug your ears and whistle the Andy Griffith theme song to yourself, kay?
Guard: Okey dokey. *turns around, closes his eyes, plugs his ears and starts whistling the Andy Griffith theme song*
Nonno: Right, so like I was saying...I brought you this cake, Boss. *hands him a cake with all different kinds of blades and stuff sticking out of it in various directions* I think there's a chainsaw in there, and a flamethrower, and a few sticks of dynamite for good measure, and a bunch of other junk I found lying around...something in there oughta get you out of here...
Boss: How the heck did you get this in here? Didn't they have to inspect it first or something?
Nonno: Yeah, they did...but apparently none of the guards here are any smarter than that one...*points to the guard who's still whistling the Andy Griffith theme*
Boss: Ah.
Nonno: Well....come on, ain't got all day, let's get you out of here!
Boss: Okay...let's play a little game of grab bag. *reaches into the cake and pulls out something* Okay, looks like we're trying the ol' garden hoe first.
Nonno: Oh crap, that's where my neighbor's hoe went...uh, gimme that, that's not supposed to be in there.
Boss: Alright...how about this axe then?
Nonno: You know what, let's just cut to the chase and go straight to the flamethrower.
Boss: Okay...here we go. *pulls out the flamethrower*
Nonno: Gimme that. *takes the flamethrower and uses it to melt the bars of Boss's cell*
Boss: Haha! Delicious freedom!
Nonno: Hurrah! TO THE CLUBHOUSE!!! Everyone's gonna be so happy when I tell them how I rescued you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YAY: Boss is gonna be so upset when we tell him how Hushi killed Sparkle.
Kirbykat: You think he still likes her even though she was so mean to him?
*just then the door opens and Cappy comes in with Adrienne (the Banana of Doom, in case you've forgotten since it's been so long since last time)*
Cappy: HI EVERYONE!!! GUESS WHAT?! ME AND ADRIENNE ARE OFFICIALLY MARRIED!!!
Oxnard: Calm down there, soldier.
Cyborgirl0016: Yeah, seriously, Cappy, we have some major issues on our hands - er, paws - right now.
Cappy: Really? Like what?
Maxwell: Like Boss is in jail and there's a psycho killer on the loose who wants to rule the world with her mushroom.
Cappy: Ah.
*then the door opens and Hushi comes in*
Maxwell: Speak of the devil.
Hamtaro: AHHHH!!! HOW'D YOU FIND US?!!!
Hushi: Heck, I'm not after any of you anyhow...still looking for that Nonno girl...
Kirbykat: Where's Tian Sirki? I mean, the Flying Hamster of Doom?
Hushi: How should I know?
Kirbykat: You were chasing her.
Hushi: Uh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In an arcade on the outskirts of Memphis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Hamster of Doom: *playing Pac-Man* DARN YOU, BLINKY!!! (A/N: For those of you who don't know, Blinky is one of the Pac-Man ghosts...I forget what color, though)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YAY: AND you killed Sparkle, didn't you, Hushi?
Hushi: Told ya I would. Now all that's left is Nonno, and then Lucky.........AND THAT BANANA!!!
Cappy: WHAT?!
Hushi: I HATE BANANAS!!!! DIE, BANANA!!!! *smashes Adrienne with her spoon until she is only a pile of banana glop*
Cappy: errsskkkaaahahhahdsudgsfsgutgggerettttsskkkjtggeeepppwwwrrrrrcccuuurrrhhhtt (A/N: that's the sound Cappy makes when he's having a mental breakdown)
Hushi: Now, can anyone tell me where Nonno is?
Everyone: Eh...
Hushi: Well in that case, I'm outta here. *leaves, then pops her head back in for a second* By the way, how do you like my purse? His name's Porky the Snail!!!
Everyone: Eh...
Cappy: errsskkkaaahahhahdsudgsfsgutgggerettttsskkkjtggeeepppwwwrrrrrcccuuurrrhhhtt
Hushi: Well, gotta go! Ta-ta! *leaves for good*
Cappy: A...Adri...ennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn......*starts sobbing and licking the banana glop off the floor*
Oxnard: There, there, soldier.
Penelope: Ookyoo. *hugs Cappy*
Cappy: Eh?
Penelope: *takes off her blanket* That's better, it was getting stuffy in there. NOW GET OVER THE FREAKIN' BANANA ALREADY!!! IT WAS A FREAKIN' BANANA!!!
Everyone: -_O
Pashmina: You can talk!
Penelope: I can talk?
Everyone: SHE CAN TALK!!!
*cheesy music starts playing in the background like everyone's gonna start singing a really cheesy song about Penelope being able to talk, but Genie pulls the record off the record player just in time*
Cappy: Penelope...you...I...ADRIENNE WAS MORE THAN A FREAKIN' BANANA!!! SHE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME!!!
Penelope: *smacks him* CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING, SOLDIER?
Oxnard: Hey...soldier's my word...
Cappy: Eh?
Penelope: I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR A REALLY LONG TIME BUT THEN YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THE STUPID BANANA, AND DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE CARES MORE ABOUT A PIECE OF FRUIT THAN ABOUT YOU?!
Cappy: Penny....why didn't you tell me how you felt?
Penelope: Somehow I don't think 'ookyoo' could convey my feelings.
Cappy: Good point.
Penelope: ...So?
Cappy: So what?
Penelope: So...do you like me or what?
Pashmina: Say yes or your favorite hat gets to take a ride on the whirling vortex of doom.
Cappy: What's that?
Pashmina: I'll flush it down the toilet, poo head.
Howdy: Heheh. Poo.
Cappy: Oh, well in that case yes.
Penelope: OOKWEEE!!!! That is to say, YAY!!
YAY: Huh?
Penelope: Sorry.
YAY: What?
Penelope: Never mind.
YAY: I get that a lot...
*A few moments pass in utter silence*
Kirbykat: So.
Cyborgirl0016: Hmm.
YAY: Bored...
Steffers: This IS boring...I mean, Nonno's got the whole breaking-Boss-out- of-jail thing under control, so what are we supposed to do in the meantime?
Genie: I KNOW!!!
Everyone: What?
Genie: LET'S PLAY THE PAY GENIE A HUNDRED BUCKS GAME!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!! *trap Genie in a wine glass*
Genie: Hey...I was just kidding...lemme out!!! How the heck did I fit in here anyway?
Steffers: We're hamsters, remember?
Genie: So is this a regular wine glass or hamster-sized?
Steffers: Regular, dimwit.
Cappy: AHHHH!!! WHERE'D ADRIENNE GO??!!!
Panda: I thought you were done licking her off the floor so I scraped her up and threw her away.
Cappy: NOOOOOO!!!!!
Penelope: I told you to get over it, loser!!! *bashes him over the head with his own pot*
Pashmina: Atta girl. Gotta show your guy who's boss. Be in control. Right, Dexter?
Dexter: Eh?
Pashmina: I SAID...*cracking her knuckles* RIGHT, DEXTER?!
Dexter: Yes ma'am.
*Just then, Jingle appears at the door*
Jingle: HEY GUESS WHAT!!!
Everyone: Eh?
Jingle: THERE'S A MIME OUT THERE!!!! A REAL LIVE STREET MIME!!!!
Everyone: SWEEEEEEET!!! *they all rush out to see the mime*
Genie: Uh...little help? *still trapped in a wine glass*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At some per shop somewhere~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hushi: Okey dokey, let's see...*puts her bag of sugar on the counter* You got any goldfish here?
Guy behind counter: *eyeing the bag of sugar* Yes ma'am we do.
Hushi: Any that eat leprechauns?
Guy: Not sure about that...
Hushi: Hmm...what do you think, sugar bag? *puts her ear next to the bag of sugar* Okay, good idea. We'll take your biggest, scariest goldfish.
Guy: Yes ma'am. Here ya go. *hands her a small tank with a goldfish in it that's about as big as a quarter*
Hushi: THIS THE BIGGEST YOU GOT??!!
Guy: Yes ma'am it is ma'am.
Hushi: Hmm...
Goldfish: Meow.
Hushi: I'LL TAKE IT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~On some street outside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*the street mime is pretending to be trapped in an invisible box*
Sandy: This is, like, totally awesome! I've always wanted to see a real mime!
Stan: Real mime my foot. This guy's terrible. Let's throw rocks at him.
YAY: Heheh! Good idea!
*Stan picks up a rock and prepares to hurl it at the mime*
Sandy: Stan, stop it! That's like, totally rude!
Stan: Oh yeah? Watch this! *hurls the rock at the mime*
Mime: PPFFPTTH!!!
Stan: HA! KNEW IT! THAT'S NO MIME, IT'S SPAT!!!
YAY: Stan, you're brilliant! And funny, too...^^
Stan: Aww, well, thank you. Can't argue with the facts. Maybe sometime you and I could get together, hmm? Whaddaya say?
Sandy: STAN!!! STOP FLIRTING AND DO SOMETHING!!!
Stan: Eh?
Spat: PPPFFTTHHPPHH!!! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THROWING THAT ROCK, FOOLISH FOOL!!! ...And how'd you know it was me, anyhow?
Stan: Actually, I didn't really, I was planning on throwing the rock anyhow and happened to get lucky...
Sandy: STAN!!!
Maxwell: Plus the whole wings/devilish tail/pointy things on your head kinda give you away.
Spat: DARN IT!!! That is to say, PPFFTHPPHHTT!!! ALL OF YOU SHALL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF MESSING WITH THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SPAT!!!
Penelope: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!!!
Everyone: Eh?
Penelope: Say hello to...SUPERHAMHAMGIRL!!! *her blanket turns into a cape and then she whips a glowing pink light saber-ish thingy out of nowhere*
Pashmina: Wow...Penny, how come you never told me you could do that???
Penelope: *sweatdrop* I couldn't talk before, remember?
Pashmina: Heh...that's right.
Penelope: Anyhow...PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MATCH, EVIL DOER!!!
*at that moment the Flying Hamster of Doom flies onto the scene*
Flying Hamster of Doom: Haha, guess what! I got the high score on Pac-Man AND Mrs. Pac-Man! And then - OH MY GOSH!!! IT'S SPAT!!!
Penelope: Yeah, we know...I'm about to take care of him though, so please, just step aside and I'll -
Flying Hamster of Doom: THIS IS SO COOL!!! I GET TO MEET JINGLE AND SPAT ON THE SAME DAY!!! *gives Spat a hug*
Spat: PPFFTTPHHTHH!!! RELEASE ME, FOUL CREATURE, OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!!
Flying Hamster of Doom: OOH OOH OOH!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE??!!
Spat: I'D RATHER EAT MY OWN TWO FEET!!!
Jingle: Good one. Nice ring to it.
Flying Hamster of Doom: OOH OOH I KNOW!!! JINGLE, COME HERE!!! *grabs Jingle and pulls him over by Spat, then stands between them* KIRBYKAT!!!
Kirbykat: Eh?
Flying Hamster of Doom: TAKE PICTURE!!!
Kirbykat: *sigh* Yes, master...*whips out a camera and takes a picture of the Flying Hamster of Doom with Jingle and Spat*
Flying Hamster of Doom: YAY!!!
YAY: WHAT??!!
Flying Hamster of Doom: Huh?
YAY: *sigh* I wish everyone would stop doing that...
Spat: PPFFTPPTHH!!! THE FLASH! OH, THE BLINDING, HORRIBLE LIGHT, PPFTPPTHH!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!! MUST...FLEE...PPTTHHPHHTT!!!!!!! *runs away*
Flying Hamster of Doom: Darn.
Penelope: Poop! I didn't get to use my awesome pink glowing light saber-ish thingy!!!
Pashmina: Next time, Penny...next time.
*just then, 003 and 009 appear*
003: HI EVERYONE!!!
009: What's going on here?
Cyborgirl0016: Well, first of all -
002: Why don't you just read the fic for yourselves, it'll be easier than us telling you everything.
0014: Don't be so rude. *smacks 002 upside the head* How was the honeymoon?
003: It was amazing! I've never had so much fun in my life!!! ^^
009: Yeah...heheh...fun...*cough* she ran me ragged *cough*
0016: Well, congrats, 009! *holds out a paw*
009: Uh...thanks. *shakes paws and immediately gets shocked*
0016: HAHAHA!! GOT YOU!!!
009: WHAT IS THAT, ONE OF THOSE ELECTRIC HAND BUZZER THINGS??!!
0016: YOU GOT IT!!!
003: HAHA! She got you pretty good there, 009...
009: Oh shut up.
0016: Hey 003, wanna smell this flower I picked? *holds up a flower*
003: OKAY! *leans into the flower and gets squirted with water*
0016: HAHA!! GOT YOU TOO!!!
003: Errrrrrggghhh.....
009: Ya know, if you had looked a little closer, you MIGHT have been able to tell that flower's plastic...
003: Oh shut up.
*then Boss and Nonno appear*
Boss: HI EVERYONE!! MISS ME??!!
Hamtaro: BOSS!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER!!! *hugs him*
Boss: O-kay, little too close for comfort there...and what do you mean you thought I was a goner?
Nonno: Just ignore him. *whacks Hamtaro with a rubber mallet*
Bijou: How did you do it, Nonno?
Nonno: Well, I made this cake, see...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nonno's pointless flashback time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nonno: Okay, let's see... *reading directions on a cake mix box* Add two cups water, one cup vegetable oil, three eggs...throw in a few explosives, some sharp pointy things for good measure -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nonno's pointless flashback is interrupted~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss: Okay, shut up. Long story short, the guards were dumb and the flamethrower was powerful enough to melt the bars.
*suddenly Hushi appears*
Hushi: HA! I KNEW I'D FIND YOU!!! YOU MUST DIE NOW, NONNO!!! I AM THE ONLY ONE FOR BOSS!!! AND NOW I HAVE A SECRET WEAPON: MEET FANGS THE GOLDFISH!!!
Nonno: Oh great.
Hushi: *holds up a goldfish bowl with Fangs inside* SAY HELLO, FANGS!!!
Fangs: *burps and a piece of leprechaun hat floats to the top of the bowl*
Nonno: Er...what did that thing have for lunch?
Hushi: HAHA!!! I TOLD YOU I WOULD GET RID OF THAT STUPID LUCKY THE LEPRECHAUN!!!
Steffers: Hold it right there, evil person!
Hushi: Hamster.
Steffers: Right. Evil hamster! Your stupid fish is no match for my turtle, Billy-Bob-Joe-Lenny-Smith-The-Turtle the 12th!!! GET HER, BILLY-BOB-JOE- LENNY-SMITH-THE-TURTLE THE 12TH!!! HAHAHA!!! THAT'S RIGHT, BITE HER LEGS OFF!!
Everyone: -_O
Hushi: I see no turtle here.
Steffers: That's because only I can see him!
Hushi: So...he's imaginary?
Steffers: No...INVISIBLE! To everyone but me.
Hushi: Then...why am I feeling no pain?
Steffers: Because...uh...er...magic?
Hushi: I will not waste my time with this. NONNO, YOU'RE MINE!!! *starts chasing Nonno*
Nonno: Oh crap. *runs away*
Hushi: COME BACK HERE!!! FACE THE WRATH OF MY GIANT SPOON!!!
Boss: Maybe I'll just go back to jail...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Later, at 009 and 003's new deluxe three-story house~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*btw, Boss didn't go back to jail*
*the phone rings*
009: Honey, will you get that?
003: Mmmmmkay. *picks up the phone* Hello?
0016: *on the other end of the line* Is your refrigerator running?
003: Uh...lemme check. SWEETIE, IS OUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING???
009: YES, DEAR!
003: *into the phone* Mmmmmm yep.
0016: THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! *hangs up*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
0016: HAHA! That was great!
Boss: How many times must I tell you NOT to use my phone for prank calls?
0016: But you do it.
Boss: But it's my phone.
0016: Oh dang.
Cyborgirl0016: What?
0016: Almost forgot, I gotta go home. Next flight to Sayina for the next three years leaves in two minutes.
Cyborgirl0016: TWO MINUTES??!!
0016: Yeah.
Cyborgirl0016: Quick, go go go!!! *shoves her out the door* Don't want you to miss it!
0016: Okay, well, I guess I'll see you lat -
Cyborgirl0016: *slams the door in her face*
0016: - er.
Cyborgirl0016: YES, she's gone!!! *to herself* Heheh, now I've got 005 all to myself...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie: *still trapped in a wine glass* Phew, that was one long chapter...hope you all enjoyed it! If I left out anything, any ideas any of you sent me or if I forgot to include someone in the fic that wanted to be in it, please feel free to tack a picture of my face to your wall and then throw darts at it. But be sure to aim for the eyes. Oh yeah, I guess none of you have a picture of my face, so if you would like to create a dart board with my face on it, here's what I look like: I'm Caucasian (white skin) with blue eyes and shoulder length brown hair...and that's about all I can tell you cuz I don't know how else to describe my face...ANYWAY. Flame me, yell at me, curse my soul to an eternity of suffering, just please, remember the Alamo. And tell me if I did forget anything, because that's important for me to know. Also, if you are currently a character in the fic and want to stay in the fic, I need feedback from you. So like, if you tell me you want to be in the fic, and then you don't review ever again, I'm going to stop putting you in the fic. Everyone okay with that? Okay. So far that hasn't been an issue. ^^ (ah, my loyal, adoring fans!)
Next chapter:
Nonno continues to be hunted down by Hushi. Who will win Boss's heart?
Something a little different: the four couples (H+B, S+M, D+P, 009+003) go on the Newlywed Game! If you don't know what that is, you should watch more GSN (Game Show Network). I probably watch too much GSN, cuz I love the old game shows, and since Hamtaro doesn't come on weekdays anymore...*sorrow*...ANYHOW, what it is, is the host asks the husbands questions about their wives and vice versa, and they have to try to guess how their spouse would answer the question. Well, anyhow, if you know what I mean, or if you've seen the Newlywed Game before, give me some ideas for questions to use in the next chapter. I'll pick the best eight. ^^
AND...how will Genie escape her cruel fate? *little help here?*
And, of course, as always give me your ideas and I will put them to good (hopefully) use!
Once again, sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It won't happen again. Hopefully.
Your friend and wonderfully wise guru, the GenieMaster, signing off for now. ^_^
P.S.: The next chapter(s) of Hamtaro's Extremely Demented 12 Days O' Christmas are coming soon...sorry that's takin me so long too...^^