[AN: Chapter 4 here, I can't think of anything even remotely funny to write so I'll just go straight on with the story.]

Why me, why me? This is supposed to be the happiest moment of my life. I am in middle earth at the time of the quest and have finally gotten to meet Legolas.

I don't really mind Elanor appearing, she's my friend and she knows exactly what's going on, I can even put up with my sister, she is starting to develop a healthy obsession with LOTR but Lauren. . .

I suppose before I go any further I should explain who Lauren is. She is my sister's best friend who I really don't like, namely because she insults me and even pushed my sister in front of a lorry before. She doesn't even like LOTR, she thinks its boring and stupid and get this, she thinks it's all made up. How stupid do you get?

Another puzzle is, how she even got here. She hates LOTR so it's not like she would be watching the film or anything like that. Luckily I didn't have to speak to her myself as Elin was already asking her.

"Lauren how did you get here?"

"Where is here Elin? Where am I?"

"You're in middle earth at the council of Elrond."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are" I retorted

"I'm not"

"You are"

"I'm not"

"You are"

"I'm no-" the sound of Elrond once more smashing his head against his chair cut the evil one off.

"But middle earth isn't real!"

//Oh boy, here we go again// I thought, before saying

"It is"

"It isn't"

"Is"

"Isn't"

"Is"

"Isn'" Again Elrond's head coming into contact with his chair stopped us. Elin, as she was also getting annoyed with our arguing stepped in and said:

"OK, Lauren, just take our word for it. You are here. What were you doing before you got transported onto the ring?"

"Well, I was walking past a bus shelter and I saw a stupid advert for the third film and I decided to kick it, but it really hurt and then I was in a tunnel with lots flashing lights and then I almost got killed by a mad rabid midget."

After hearing the whole foot hurting thing Sam and I had started to roll around in laughter, but at the mention of the word midget I had sat up in indignation.

"I believe the correct term is dwarf, valar! get your facts right before you insult the vertically challenged members of middle earth."

Lauren just gave me this evil look thing, it didn't really scare me as she highly resembles a clown, but Sam the hobbit who was hiding in the bushes looked slightly put out by it. Before Lauren could say anything though Elrond cut in

"Before I knock myself out would any one like to explain to me what is happening now?"

Oooooooo this was going to be good, approaching Elrond I whispered

"Her name is Lauren, she is evil. She will try and take the ring to Sauron. We should really kill her"

Elrond just looked at me sceptically before saying: "Elin, you are the newcomer's friend. Tell me, is there any chance that she will try to take the ring?"

"Megan, I know exactly what you just said. No lord Elrond, there is no chance of her taking the ring; she has never seen the film or read the book in our world so she knows nothing about the ring."

"Thank you, Elin. Well, if everyone has finished now, maybe we can resume our meeting. Lauren if you would like to get off the ring and sit next to your friend, I would be most grateful"

Still looking confused, sceptical and annoyed Lauren went and sat next to my sister grumbling under her breath about horrible dreams about fictional characters that don't exist. Sam and I both went and sat down, Sam still laughing about Lauren hurting her foot and me muttering curses about little sisters foiling my plan to have people bumped off. Honestly is there really anything wrong with trying to have your sister's best friend killed, because I really don't think there is.

After sighing in relief and rubbing his head Elrond started talking again, echoed of course by Elanor. Lauren, however, sat there and glowered. "The ring cannot be destroyed Gimli son of Gloin by any craft we here posses. The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom and only there can it be unmade."

"Can you all stop saying everything I and everyone else minus Legolas says. I realise that you like showing off the fact that you know everything we are going to say but please stop it. Or maybe you could copy Legolas for a change." Elrond might have been a little pissed off with us. Ah well. Nothing new.

"I'm sorry Lord Elrond but I can't do that, it would go against my religion. Anywho, unless he decides to say something off script, or would like to tell us about how Gollum escaped, since he forgot to mention that in the film and I would love to hear him say that because I love listening to him talk." I said.

"Indeed, you may stop now, we get the point, I am sorry I asked. Back to the matter in hand. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this."

"One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs; there is evil there that does not sleep. The great eye is ever watchful." Boromir broke off and glared at Elin and I who were snoring. Lauren was still frowning so he has no need to glare at her, and Elanor was busy trying to steal the wrist guard of the elf next to her. He shook his head in exasperation and carried on.

"It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air you breathe is poisonous fumes. Not with ten thousand men could you do this, it is folly."

While this is going on Elin had been whispering something to Lauren who looked evilly from me to Legolas, then sniggered. However, I was to busy paying attention to Legolas to notice, until it is too late. Lauren and Legolas both get up at the same time, they started speaking but they got a bit distracted by me strangling Lauren.

"Carry on Legolas, I'm doing fine here, you say what ever you were about to say." I smiled sweetly at him.

Legolas looked confuzzled but said it anyway. "Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said, the ring must be destroyed."

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it."

I promptly forgot about Lauren and launched myself at Gimli instead but Legolas seemed to have been expecting that and he grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"And if we fail what next, what happens when Sauron takes back what is his?"

"I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an elf."

Ok, Legolas had to let go of me then to stop his two companions from rushing the dwarfy one, but sadly the elf which I assume is Galdor grabbed my wrist and I was forced to bite him to get him to let go. Luckily, I had calmed down by then so I decided not to maul the dwarf. Instead I sat down and started glaring at Lauren again who was still coughing slightly.

Elanor was sitting there with a misty eyed expression while watching the elves fight; I sometimes get the feeling that she likes violence, though I'm not sure where that comes from. Violence? Me like? Gods, you're thinking of the wrong. . . uh. . . maybe that is me. Then Frodo got up and started yelling that he'll take the ring, then Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, Gimli, Gandalf, and Sam the hobbit all got up and said that they were going with him. What happened next though surprised all of us.

Right on cue the youngest hobbits came running in yelling that they were coming to but they were not alone. Behind them was a tallish girl with messy hair, wearing bright orange trousers, a tie-die multicoloured t-shirt, and a stripy Jamaican hat running full speed towards Elrond. With a cry of "Pretty Butterfly" she latched herself onto the butterfly clip on the back of Elrond's head who immediately started screaming in pain.

Me, my sister, Sam and the evil one all felt our jaws drop as we simultaneously cried:

"Diane?"

[AN: Who is Diane? Will Elrond have any hair left? Will the girls join the fellowship?

Find out in the next episode of TFAFRGFEWFLT]