Chapter 4…Has it really been so long since I last posted a chapter? I was attacked by deadlines, you see, plus, my computer crashed (again) and was therefore unusable for a time… Excuses aside, I apologise for, again, taking so long to update. The surge of coursework has died down for a time, so I now have time to write, at least until the next wave. Hmm, what else have I to say? Ah, yes; your inference was correct, Lionheart, as, hopefully, shall be made clear in this chapter. And yours, Chaz, I shall leave open to speculation.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this fic.
Sentences in italics are memories.
'How went it, Quatre?' Treize inquired genially, placing an arm about his friend's shoulders as he led him to a newly-formed bench on the edge of a grand, marble plaza. 'What did the experience teach you?' His smile faded as he saw the sorrow in the Angel's eyes and, seating them both on the bench, he used his free hand to turn Quatre's face, gently, towards his own. 'What happened, my friend?'
Heero Yuy hated to feel that he was being followed, and this was the distinct suspicion he had as he moved expertly through the back-alleys of London. He had been in the city but three days and yet had learnt the precise lay of his immediate surroundings. He did not concern himself with any personal justification for this, he simply saw it as the only way he could feel, if not secure, at least prepared. It was necessary.
His expression was firm, dispassionate, yet his mind was fevered. Behind his sweeping gaze were the shadows of anguish. Each corner could hide an ambush or, worse. A lone enemy with black hair and dark eyes, and long-fingered hands with skin like ice. Whoever had said 'cold hands, warm heart', he wished he could have met them, that he could have looked into their eyes and let them see the torment those words had caused him; the pain and the repressed memories, shadows on the edges of his consciousness, taunting him.
Furiously, he forced himself to concentrate, listening intently as he mounted the stairs to his apartment, his right hand falling instinctively to the pistol secreted within the many folds of his trenchcoat. From where he was he could see that his door was ajar. Trudging homeward through the snow; why was the front door open? Perhaps Relena had returned early… he sincerely hoped not.
Having stealthily approached the peeling, once-white door, Heero burst into the main room of his apartment, firing a single shot at the expected intruder.
Duo slid from the windowsill to land lightly on his feet, not flinching as the easily dodged bullet flew past his face, but smirking slightly at his attacker as he heard it penetrate the glass behind him.
'Hey, Heero,' he chirped cheerfully, 'I was wondering when you'd get back.' Heero froze, willing himself to focus on the situation; this was too familiar, but he could not allow himself to crumble. Gracefully unfolding from his relaxed position on the window-seat, the unknown Chinese boy began to stride purposefully towards him.
'You return at last, Heero Yuy. I have been waiting for you'
Duo was pleased to see his actions having the desired effect. Conversation with Wufei was never easy and it had taken a great deal of effort to wring from him these few details of the sullen boy's encounter with Heero. Confidently, he approached the perturbed boy, grinning all the while as, with his left hand, he forced Heero to lower his gun.
'Now that's no way to treat a visitor.'
'Why are you here?' Heero forced himself to remain expressionless, his tone dispassionate though he could feel the sweat beading on his forehead. Who was this that could dodge bullets? Who was this stranger that knew his name; who acted so alike to Wufei? Uncomfortably, he dropped his gaze, unable to see his visitor beyond the sneering image in his mind.
'I just figured you'd be needing somewhere else to play, seeing as how I burnt down the gazebo and all…' Duo informed him merrily, ignoring his distress.
This statement, however, roused Heero from his gloom. Alarm was plain on his features as he registered the stranger's words, desperately trying to discern whether they were spoken in truth. Seizing a sizeable black case, which had been propped against the wall beside his unmade bed, Heero flew from the room, hastening to the quiet park where he spent so much of his time.
'Don't be bitter, Quatre; it contradicts your gentle nature.' Treize turned the Angel's face towards his own, meeting his friend's confused stare with his own steady, blue-eyed gaze. 'The holy hosts are simply concerned for you, Quatre. They do not understand the complex emotions you feel; they cannot. Don't condemn them for that, my friend.' Quatre turned his face away, staring at the polished floor for a moment before lifting his azure gaze once more. Crystal tears stood in his eyes and, as he spoke, escaped singly, trickling silently down his pale cheeks.
'But why? Why am I so very different?' His voice was quiet now; it had reached levels of near-hysteria during his recounting of his recent experiences, but now he spoke in what was barely a whisper. He was no calmer, simply drained, his passion spent. Treize dropped his hand to his friend's shoulder, regarding him with concern.
'They really have told you nothing' he breathed, absently bringing his free hand to his forehead, pausing with his head resting against his fingers, his gaze cast down, for a moment. 'Quatre,' he began, haltingly, 'you, of all the Angels, were the only one created after. The others came into being at the Beginning, forged from the essence of creation; the substance of our Lord.' He paused, waiting for a response; Quatre simply stared at him in confusion. Treize sighed heavily and continued.
'Lucifer: –you and he are not so very separate, my friend. You were, for want of a better term, his replacement.' There was an audible gasp from Quatre, and Treize squeezed the Angel's shoulder gently, understanding the difficulty he would have with this revelation. 'Of all the Angels, Lucifer was closest to God, and it was this closeness that damned him. He did nothing 'wrong'; in reality, it was the Lord that made a mistake. Now don't interrupt, Quatre', he placed a finger over his friend's lips, silencing the imminent protest, 'you need to hear this.
'God created humans in His image, with all His virtues and all His flaws. It was inevitable that the Angels, particularly Lucifer in his blind love, should fall for them' he winced at the unintended pun, but was relieved to see his friend had not been distressed further by it, had in fact, perhaps, not even been aware of it.
In the sudden silence Quatre frowned, clearly struggling to accept these ideas. Treize waited patiently for him to speak, and, when he did, it was in a quiet, subdued voice, a desperate statement spoken like the pitiable plea of a young child,
'But God is perfect.'
'No, Quatre' Treize told him gently, unable to suppress a sad smile at his friend's ingenuousness, 'though it is the view held by all the Angels, and even by many mortals. It is what so confounded Lucifer, for in humans he saw the flaws of God, yet he had not seen them in God Himself, and so he was confused. He could not understand the human capacity for evil or the scope of their emotions; nor could he comprehend their lack of appreciation of the deity that had created them. He walked among them hoping to learn, and he did; he learnt pain and he learnt fear, and he learnt doubt and with this new awareness he returned to God.' He paused to observe the effect his words were having; the Angel stared at him in rapt attention.
'God was displeased by this,' he continued, 'for He had directed Lucifer not to question His designs and not to interfere. He recognised that should any of the Angels become involved with the mortal world they would not be able to relinquish it. This was the case with Lucifer.'
'How do you know these things?' the interruption was barely audible.
'Even Angels gossip' Treize quipped lightly before reassuming a graver tone. 'The shock of Lucifer's fall has made them wary, but, inwardly, they admire him -they would envy him if they were capable of it- for he has a more profound understanding of the Lord than they ever may. But you are not like them, Quatre; you have made yourself different. You have seen the wonder of the mortals and their world; you feel their strength, the power of their spirit. Do not shrink from it, friend –embrace it, regardless of the consequences. Whatever the risks, they are outweighed by the alternative; an eternity of this distance and loneliness during which you will be consumed by speculation and regret.' He stopped abruptly, noticing the intensity of his tone. Tears had risen again the Angel's eyes and he allowed Treize to take his hand as, chokingly, he asked a question to which he feared to know the answer.
'But what are the flaws of God?'
'They are mirrored in the mortals He created; you have seen them yourself, Quatre. All are reasonable, and, perhaps, even plain when the right view is applied. Consider, for instance, the very faith He represents; as a sentient being, He must have beliefs of His own, yet He cannot follow another deity for He has called all other idols 'false'. And He cannot be an atheist for He would be defying His own existence. He therefore is compelled to believe in himself; this is oft considered an advantage, but it is also the root of egotism, self-consciousness and pride.
'And, furthermore, knowing the flaws in humans, and seeing their inevitable failures, God becomes a cynic, and so cynicism, pessimism and suspicion are born.
'And so you see the pattern of it; to continue would simply cause you further pain. But do not despair at these revelations, Quatre, for so too from him come the greatest of virtues, above all the ability to create, be it art, music, poetry or even life and the capacity to love.'
Quatre was silent, his face damp with tears. Dully, he felt Treize embrace him. The semi-corporeal aristocrat rose then, giving his friend a final pat on the shoulder as he drew slowly away.
'As a higher being, God is widely considered to have a greater capacity for good, but you must remember that all exists in balance, and so he has also a greater capacity for evil. With all you have experienced, this is true now, also, for you –the other Angels remain too shielded by blind love for it to apply to them. But that you are a rational being means you have a choice. This realm has nothing more to offer you, Quatre; perhaps now is the time to let go.' He smiled warmly as the Angel looked up at him with a pained understanding in his tear-brightened eyes, 'amor vincit omnia'.
Progress has been slow; I have too many events planned with no preconception of how to link them. I apologise if any offence is caused by my theologising, but, naturally, am willing to stand by it. Ah well, the next chapter should be easier, and therefore posted with less delay. Until then… -Rose
(amor vincit omnia = love conquers all)