(A/N hello, I am writing this at 00.49 am as I can't get to sleep and had a sudden idea that I knew I would forget if I didn't write it down so here it is, chapter nine. Well actually not quite yet, first I thought I would tell you something that I found hysterically funny tonight, that you will probably find strange, boring and not at all humorous, but there you go.
Ok my dad came walking up the stairs, and my dad being incredibly strange said for some bizarre reason "In a whole in a tree there lived an orclet but he didn't have any legs so he was known as JESUS, CHRIST, FUCK IT…" the reason he said this was because just as he was about to say what the orclet was known as he tripped over the computer wire most spectacularly and I proceeded to burst into hysterics for the next five minutes. Then he said that the timing was rather impeccable, which made me laugh even harder as it reminded me of the lord of impeccable timing, in a fanfic story. Then I went downstairs to tell my siblings what had transpired, and proceeded to laugh hysterically for another five minutes, failing miserably in the attempt of telling them what happened cause I couldn't stop laughing long enough, then Elanor, aka Sam, aka purplefluffychainsaw called and I laughed for several more minutes in the attempt to tell her what had happened, even now I think myself and my ada are the only ones to really know what happened. I am at this moment laughing silently so as not to wake anyone up just from thinking about it.
Ok so there is my highly amusing yarn, I am sure anyone reading this is rolling around on the floor laughing, and if your not you should be, anyway on with the story for real this time.)
Ok we had been walking for hours but finally we reached the lake and not a minute to soon, I am sure that Gandalf, Aragorn and Legolas were getting close to murdering us. For the past two hours we had been repeating the same phrase over and over again,
"A-r-e we there yet?" was said phrase, and finally Aragorn snapped and yelled at us:
"Since you are all such know it alls in everything about middle earth you should be able to tell us when we will get there."
Well that shut us up for a couple of minutes but then we just started chanting random things such as:
"We're bored, I'm hungry, my feet hurt, Gimli is really ugly, and Legolas is a Nancy boy. Hah! Lúthien would love that!"
However when we finally reached the mines of Moria I started to wish I was back on the freezing slopes of Caradhras. It's creepy in the film, right? Well in real life it is far worse, seriously. Just imagine it in the film only with here moaning and whistling noise, incredibly still, very dark and very cold. I mean, the fact that none of us were going to die here, or at least none of the real fellowship was not an encouraging thought, cause me, my friends and the Usquenerea (smelly one) weren't really members of the fellowship so technically we could still die.
From the look of the other earth goers faces, even Lauren who really didn't have a clue where we were or what was going to happen; they were all feeling equally apprehensive. With the possible exception of Diane, she didn't look to worried she was just staring at Gimli's axe muttering something that sounded suspiciously like:
"I wonder if I could steal it from him if I knocked him out, that could work. . ."
Well, we reached the doors, and Legolas and Gimli had a small argument about whose fault it was that the friendship between the elves and the dwarves waned but Gandalf put a stop to that quickly and told us all about how the doors only showed in starlight and moonlight. Then by some miraculous coincidence, the moon appeared for the first time in weeks, luckily right when we needed it. Wasn't that just wonderfully impeccable timing (A/N pun intended Elanor) any way, the pretty pattern of the stars, trees and weird dwarvish symbols showed and Gandalf said
"It reads…."
"The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria, speak, friend, and enter. I, Narvi, made them. Celebrimbor of Hollin drew these signs." Chorused Elanor and myself.
Gandalf just looked at us in exasperation before saying:
"I am aware that you find the history of middle earth fascinating, who would not? However, are you really so obsessed that you have memorised the lore of Middle-Earth?"
Elanor and I looked at each other, considering our answer before replying simultaneously:
"Yes"
"Did I really have to ask?" Gandalf muttered to himself, before replying to Merry, who had asked what it meant.
"Oh it's quite simple; if you are a friend just speak the password."
He then attempted to redeem himself and once more appear clever by guessing the password, and failing miserably.
Meanwhile Elanor, Elin, Lauren, Diddins, and I sat there saying helpful things such as:
"Nope, not even close, Ooooh warmer, no you're as cold as ice." finally Gandalf threw down his staff in a stress and practically yelled
"Fine, as you are so willing to show of why will you not tell us what it is? It is not like you do not know anyway"
Deciding that we had waited long enough, and seeing Aragorn stopping Boromir from throwing stones into the pool, we looked at each other and all five of us cried happily together at the same time:
"Mellon!" with a loud creak that would have attracted any evil kraken that might have been lurking in the water the doors slowly opened to reveal… a large black hole, oh the excitement.
Sparing a quick glance to look at the rippling water and the tentacle that was slowly making its way up the bank towards Frodo's foot I walked into the mines after the rest of the fellowship, just in time to here Legolas cry goblins.
"Give the elf a prize." I said sarcastically, several of my fellow earthlings sniggered, but I don't think the rest of the fellowship got it; it's not really a common saying on middle earth I suppose.
However before Legolas could realise that I was taking the mickey, the large tentacle grabbed Frodo and started dragging him out into the water. Isn't it funny how the evil monsters always know that its Frodo they have to go after, I mean the giant kraken thing knows which one to grab, and then even the troll, who, due to his species is incredibly thick goes after the ring bearer, instead of any of the other members who might be tastier. Like an elf for instance, I mean if looks were anything to go by then. . . yeah ok you get the point, and if I finished that thought I might have had to make the story R rated. Anyway back to the chaoses that was ensuing, and believe me chaos was a very appropriate word.
The original fellowship members were all attempting to help Frodo, Lauren was screaming at the evil beast, sheesh, for someone whose evil she sure is scared of her fellow creatures of darkness. Diane was yelling at the fellowship for hurting the 'pretty' fishy and Elanor was hacking away happily, finally being able to hurt something without getting yelled at. Snicker. Indeedy, finally I was able to pent my anger. 'Tis so fun. I amused myself by trying to hit more tentacles then Elf-Boy. Needless to say he won. But he was shooting at it, so I don't think it was a very fair fight. Never mind.
Well I decided I should help and grabbing my bow I started shooting at the thing. Sadly my aim was a little off and I managed to shoot Gimli a couple of times in his chain mail shirt, and I narrowly missed hitting Aragorn's hand, the arrow bounced off his hilt instead. Finally I managed to hit the beast several times, then he released Frodo, Legolas succeeded in almost killing it, the hobbits and Elanor randomly chopped off a few more of its now almost lifeless tentacles, Diane waved goodbye, wishing it the best of luck in getting well soon and we all ran into the cave, only to have it knocked down by the sea monster behind us. Sadly we were stuck in the horrible dark place, and so had no choice but to follow Gandalf through the tomb.
"Elanor, Elin, Diane, do you think we should warn Gandalf that he's going to die?"
I asked, as we were walking,
"No" Elin, replied, "He's going to come back again, and if he doesn't die because we tell him then we might seriously jeopardise the success of the quest"
"Yeah, I suppose, I'll just give him a subtle hint"
As my three advisors nodded in agreement I walked up to Gandalf and said
"Gandalf, you know how I know everything that is going to happen?"
"How could I not know? You rub it in our noses every chance you get."
"Exactly, well as a friend speaking to a friend, I would just like to give you some friendly advice. If you see lots of fire be careful, in fact I think it would be a good idea to say, that running is advised."
"Alright." Gandalf nodded, looking perplexed, I'm sure the confuzzled look must be a current fashion trend in middle earth the amount of times I've seen it.
"Megan" he said suddenly "You are incredibly strange, did you know that"
"Yup" I nodded "but I can't help it, its genetic"
"Genetic?" he questioned, saying the new word in a, yup you guessed it confused manner
"Oh yes." I said seriously "I come from a long line of freaks. I inherited it from my father who inherited it from his mother and so forth, or should I say and so back, yeah that's more grammatically correct, considering its not going forward in time its going backwards so…" by this time Gandalf seemed to have fazed out, he was producing a very similar face to the one I wear when my brother/teacher/mother is having a go at me.
My eyes sort of glazed over and I thought of more interesting things such as Legolas or LOTR, or books.
(Ok its now, 2 in the morning and I have been writing for an hour and ten minutes so I think I am going to attempt to sleep again now, night all
Lume Melloneamin
Amin anta kaim
(Night my friends, I need to sleep)