(A/N Cassia and Sio have done yet another cliff-hanger on 'tears like rain' this time Legolas has been beaten up by his uncle and now one of his best friends, who witnessed the beating up part has to go and tell Thranduil that his son has been kidnapped. And I have to wait till Monday to find out what happens, it's not fair, it's just not fair. Anywho here is the first part of the story which takes place in the TTT. We will be starting by what happens to the kidnapped members.)

Lauren's thoughts

I woke up with a very bad head ache, and to make matters worse which ever one of my parents was driving the car, was managing to hit every single pot hole in the road. Then I opened my eyes, and looked straight at the ugly black scabby skin of the orc that was carrying me. Well, after saying "fuck" several times over and over again in my mind and finding that that wasn't really helping I opened my mouth and let out the loudest scream yet. The stupid bloody orcs clamped their hands over their ears, then, when I had finished the one carrying me picked up a large rock and whacked me over the head with it. Stupid bloody middle earth, I thought, before I fell into unconsciousness once more.

Elin's Thoughts

Well I woke up to hear a loud scream ringing in my ears, looking to my left I saw an orc whack Lauren over the head with a rock and carry on running, I was about to scream to when I decided that I really didn't want to be knocked out again. Instead I decided to go for a more diplomatic approach in trying to get released. Tapping the orc that was carrying me on the back, I said.

"Excuse me; I would like to negotiate the situation of the hostilities against me and my friends."

The orc carrying me, and those within earshot, laughed at my words and my carriage turned to face me saying.

"There's a lot of long words in there miss, we're naught but humble, mutated elves."

"Ok, how about: I want you take me back to the rest of my group, the ones that you left at Amon Hen, and then keel over and die at exactly the same time for no apparent reason whatsoever." Again the evil laughter and then the one carrying me said.

"I am disinclined to acquiest to your request. That means no."

"I know what it means, you stupid hairy goat." Then I decided that that probably wasn't the best tactic, instead I tried my puppy dog eyes, they are much the same as my sisters, more terrifying than cute but I decided it was worth a try.

"Pwease let us go and then kill yourself, you'll be my best friend and I'll wuv you for the rest of your life."

"Well, seeing as how you want us to die as soon as we've set you free, that isn't really a very long time for you to be our friends."

Damn, I thought, foiled. Instead I decided to try the annoyance tactic.

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Plea…"

"If you don't shut up right now I will knock you out as well."

"Eep"

Deciding it would be a good idea to keep quiet, at least for a little while to give the orc a chance for his ears to stop smoking, I shut up for a while. Anyway, the jolting motion was starting to make me feel tired.

"Night Waffle Head" I said, before I fell asleep.

Diddins's Thoughts

Well this was fun. I'd been very bored at the river, all we'd done was sit there and talk, and stupid old smelly ranger wouldn't let me go swimming, but then this big funny looking man said he would give me a piggy back ride. It was good, he hadn't tired out yet and we'd been running for almost a whole day. Lauren didn't seem to be enjoying it that much, she kept whacking her head against rocks but Elin seemed to be having a nice enough conversation with the thing carrying her.

Sadly the orc, I think that was what they called themselves, sadly the orc carrying me wasn't very talkative. I had been trying for the past couple of hours or so to get him to tell me his name, but all he said each time I asked him was: "Grishnak." It was a horrible noise, sounded like a mixture between a cough and sneeze, if you ask me I think he needed a doctor, I kept trying to suggest it to him but he wouldn't listen.

"What's your name?" I asked for at least the fiftieth time.

"For the last time girl, my name is Grishnak"

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, the cougheeze (mixture between a cough and a sneeze) muffled the name. I still think you need a doctor for that, my friend Aragorn, well he's not my friend at the moment cause he wouldn't let me go swimming, but when he is my friend I'll ask him to have a look at it. He makes quite a good doctor."

"That isn't a cougheeze" the thing yelled, causing all the other orcs to look at us "My name is Grishnak"

"Oh, I see! What was your mother thinking when she named you? Was she ill?"

To my surprise the orc looked slightly upset at this.

"I haven't got a mother." he sniffed.

"Oh you must have had a mother at some point" I said, "I mean everyone has a mum."

"Nope, I just got pulled out of a hole in the ground in this sticky sac thing; I don't really know how I got my name. I don't think my master named me, he's not really the sort to go around naming people."

"Isn't that sad," I sniffed; it really was, fancy not knowing how you got your name, and not having a mother.

"Do you like your name?" I asked,

"Not really, it's a bit of a horrible name, like you said, when you say it; it sounds like you are coughing, sneezing choking or a bit of all of them together."

"Well, why don't you change your name? I could help you think up a nice one."

"That's a good idea. Personally I always liked the name Herbert, what do you think?"

"Ooooh, I don't know, sounds a bit girly to me. How about Cedric?"

"Nah, reminds me of a caterpillar. I've got it Boris"

"Well that's a bit old fashioned, since this a revolutionary idea, you know the first orc naming himself, it should be something more modern. How about…Orville, its perfect, and its very unique."

"Orville, yeah I like that, Orville."

Turning to the orc running next to him he said:

"Hey, pass it along, my name is no longer Grishnak, my name is now officially Orville"

The orc nodded and passed it along the line. Orville turned back round to face me and said: "Thanks, I feel like a whole new person now. It's funny how a name can change how you feel. What's your name by the way?"

"I'm called Diane, you can call me Diddins. Where are we off to anyway?"

"Oh we're going to see Saruman…what's wrong" at the mention of Saruman I had suddenly gasped, I knew what was coming.

"Orville, don't ask any questions, just take my word for it ok, soon we will stop next to Fangorn forest and all the orcs will have an argument about whether or not to eat us and the Halflings, when that happens run into the forest and be careful of the trees, ok"

The orc looked rather confused but he nodded anyway, I was glad, I liked Orville, he was my friend and I didn't want the people on horseback to kill him, especially since he had only just found himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

We will now go back to the three hunters and the remaining freaks (TTHATRF) as I really cant be bothered to talk about Merry and Pippin as they just go on about the evilness of orcs, they don't try and see their inner beauty. It will now go back to Megan's thoughts, and Elanor's will be in italic.

~~~~~~~~~~

Well I woke up with a splitting headache and could feel something moving underneath me. Then I heard the voice that accompanied the movement.

"Megan, you idiot, get off of me, your squishing me! Anyway I wanted to go out and kill things and now all the orcs have gone."

Well as the words registered I remembered how I had gotten into the tree in the first place, climbing unsteadily out I muttered under my breath.

"Amin delotha Legolas" (I hate Legolas)

Storming back towards the river, rubbing my head as I went I walked straight up to elf boy and yelled all the elvish insults I could think of.

"Amin delotha lle, Utinu en lokirim, Amin feuya ten' lle, Lle holma ve' edan, Dolle naa lost, Lle n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina, Auta minqula yrch! (I hate you, Son of snakes, you disgust me, you smell like a human, your head is empty, you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny, go kiss an Orc)"

While this was going on Gimli, who didn't understand a word of it, was sitting there looking confused, Aragorn understood it but as he had missed seeing Legolas attack me he didn't really know why I was insulting the elf and Legolas just stood there trying not to laugh. Elanor wasn't even trying not to laugh, she was rolling around the floor in hysterics, although as I could have sworn I heard her muttering the phrase Lord and Lady of impeccable timing I wasn't sure if her laughter had anything to do with me insulting Legolas. As I took a breath to continue my rant, Legolas stepped in quickly.

"Megan, if you wish not to be hit over the head, I suggest you practise your aim more, so that I don't feel forced to knock you out to prevent you from hitting any of us. Honestly, you only hit one orc, and even then you only hit it in the foot so it didn't do much damage, the rest of the time you came close to killing Gimli and myself. And we were sort of having a funeral for Boromir here."

Well that made my mouth snap shut, and turning around I saw that they had indeed already set up Boromir in his boat (A/N I HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN THAT BOAT COMPLETE WITH MODEL OF BOROMIR IN IT WHEN I WENT TO THE LOTR's EXIBITION IN LONDON, anyway back to the story) and were about to set him along the river.

I never find this bit sad, I don't really like Boromir, he reminds me to much of Denethor and I hate Denethor, so unlike the others who all watched him go with tears in their eyes I didn't really mind.

(AKKK! Megan, how can you say that! Boromir! He's nothing like Denethor! Faramir is more like Denethor. Oh Boromir, why does no one like you? **Screams** Through Rohan over fen and field where long grass grows, the west wind comes walking, and about the walls it blows. 'What news from the west, o wandering wind do you bring me tonight? Have you seen Boromir the tall by moon or by starlight?')

Once the boat had gone over the falls Legolas pushed a boat into the water telling us all to hurry. When he realised we were all staring at him like a load of fish he said:

"You mean not to follow them" now normally the voice in which he says that makes me want to cry but I was still more than a little angry with him for knocking me out so I just said:

"No waffle head, we're going to go and find the hobbits and my friends. I can also hope that my sister's friend annoyed the orcs to much and had an accident but I suppose that is probably just wishful thinking."

Well after Aragorn said pretty much the same thing as me, just putting it more eloquently we set off. I kicked Legolas as he ran past and heard him mutter something like.

"Demon child, personally I think she's far more evil than Lauren."

Well I reached for my bow, but Elanor seemed to have expected that as she grabbed my arm and we were started running instead.

"Elanor" I panted after about half an hour, "did I ever tell you how much I hate running?"

"Yes, Megan" she replied "About five minutes ago, and five minutes before that, and then ten minutes before that, but just be glad that we are ahead of the dwarf."

"We should be thankful for small mercies; I don't think I would be able to stand the shame of being slower than a dwarf."

Anywho, we had been running for quite a while, and the day was coming to and end when we saw a bundle lying ahead, squirming slightly, ok us humans and the dwarf saw a bundle, the elf clearly saw a human girl, though he could not tell who as the head was turned away from us.

Breaking into a sprint we all ran towards it, and as I went I was thinking

"Please be Diddins or Elin, just don't let it be. . ."

"Lauren, Damnit." I said kicking a rock then falling over as it started to throb painfully.

"Ow, my foot hurts" I said in a pathetic voice, wanting attention, they were all to busy untying Lauren though to hear me so I tried again.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, OH THE PAIN, THE PAIN OF IT ALL, I THINK I AM DYING" (A/N can anyone tell me where oh the pain the pain of it all comes from cause I cant remember)

Well this time Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli turned round and said shh, and Elanor patted my arm sympathetically before turning back to Lauren. Giving up I sat there and sulked while I listened to Lauren tell her what happened.

"Well I think Elin and Diddins have been hypnotised or something, Elin was calmly trying to persuade the orcs to set us free and then kill themselves and Diane was going around helping them think of new names. Luckily they couldn't hypnotise me and so I spent the whole time screaming, when they hadn't knocked me out I mean."

It was then that I noticed the large cut on her head from the repeated blows. Suddenly my hatred of orcs decreased slightly and I continued listening to Laurens yarn chuckling to myself at the thought of Diddins renaming the orcs.

"So anyway they finally got tired of my screaming, decided that Saruman, whoever he is, could live with only having two of the girls and abandoned me. Some of them wanted to eat me, but Diane complained to the orc that was carrying her, Orville I think he was called, and he persuaded the others that I would be bony and taste horrible. What an insult, I'm sure I don't taste horrible."

"What about the hobbits?" asked Aragorn, anxiously.

"Oh, what, the midgets? One of them had a cut above his eyebrow"

"That was Merry." broke in Elanor.

The three hunters didn't bother asking how she knew that and they carried on listening to Lauren

"But apart from that they seemed fine"

The real fellowship breathed a sigh of relief and after giving Lauren a sip of water and some Lembas we set out again, tripping Lauren up as we went. Fine ok I tripped Lauren up as we went but splitting hairs really is a pointless exercise.

(A/N ok that is the end of this chapter, I think this may be my longest one yet but I could be wrong. I thought this chapter was quite funny, I especially enjoyed writing Diane's part, I thought I captured her character really well there. I mean I really can see her befriending orcs she seriously is that strange. For instance the other day when I went into school she was sitting in my form room saying I want my Kamoo, in a voice that can only be described as mooing. Eventually after much questioning I gathered that a Kamoo was a large pile of sleeping bags, duvets, pillows and bean bags which you snuggle up in and it is nice and kamooey.

Oh, and I know I quoted POTC, but I just couldn't resist mate. Woops, there I go again.

I also have a question to ask, Said question is:

Does anyone have any idea how orcs got named, cause I really can't see Saruman, Sauron or Melkor wandering around pits saying things like, and you shall be called Ugluk, I will name you Shagrat, you look like a Grishnak to me. Elanor came up with a few theories, does anyone who reads this have any ides as to the origin of orcish names. Thank You

Namarie)