Chapter 2- Confusion

I awoke to the familiar sounds of the engine, the lights, and the low whooshing sound of the wind outside the cabin windows. I didn't really feel like waking up today so the struggle to keep my eyes closed was easy enough. I just listened to the sounds of life passing through me, just content where I was. I sighed and turned over on my left side.

"Waking up, Yuna?"

I opened my eyes quickly at the sound of her voice and found Paine, sitting up in her bed, reading a small book. She was still in her pajamas, a light, white shirt and some black pants that hung around her waist. I remember that shirt from last night…watching her chest…watching her breathe….

I felt my face go red and I hid underneath the covers.

"You okay?"

"I-I, uh, yeah, I'm okay," I heard myself say even though my voice cracked and sounded horrible.

"Okay," she replied, "Buddy is still looking for any more data on that special sphere we may have spotted the other day. Rikku has gone to the Bridge to help him out and get some more needed social skills." She paused and I could almost see her smile. "Although getting skills from that bunch is hardly helpful to her already annoying demeanor."

We both laughed.

I poked my head out from underneath the covers and looked at her. She was looking up at the ceiling, smiling to herself. She seemed awfully happy this morning, and the fact that she wasn't out and about yet surprised me.

"Um…" I started, sitting up in bed, "so why are you still in bed?"

Paine brought her book back up to her face and continued to read. I almost thought that she wouldn't answer my question, my spirits heading in the downward direction, when she replied, "Just wanted to make sure you were okay. Y'know, in case you got really upset by your nightmare last night."

My nightmare…? Oh, my…"nightmare". "Oh, yeah, that was considerate of you, Paine, thanks, but I'm okay. Really, I'll be fine."

She looked at my through the corner of her eye. "You sure? You don't sound so sure."

After a pause, a silence, I nodded my head. I kept my head bowed for a long time and when I finally looked up at her she was engrossed into her book. I wasn't quite sure what to do now. I had an odd desire to stay here, with Paine, and just feel her presence wash over me.

What am I thinking?!

I reached over to my bedside table and pulled out my journal. Unlike most things today, ruled by machina (oh, excuse me, machines), I have decided to keep my old journal from the days of my summoning career and continue to write in it. Maybe it's just the feel of paper against the pen and my hand as I write in it that send the shivers up my spine that makes me so attached to it. Or, maybe, it's the memories associated with this small book, still full of blank sheets. I sighed, opening up to a new, blank page, and started to write.

Last night, I had a dream. My friends say it was a nightmare but…I know it wasn't. It wasn't a nightmare, nor was it a dream, for it was…it was something different. For there, in my dream, I kissed her. I kissed Paine and I enjoyed it. It may seem surprising, that I'm not all worried about my silly, little dream, but, for some reason, I really, really enjoyed kissing her. In my dream of course, I haven't kissed her in real life. But would I enjoy that too?

Oh, dear me, I don't know what's wrong with me. Never, in my life, have I ever considered kissing a girl, and now I dream about it? Why would I ever want to kiss someone other than…him…Tidus? He's who I want, he's the person I want to kiss and love. Not Paine, not her.

But would kissing her be that bad? Maybe her lips are as soft as I imagined them. Maybe the feeling I get when our lips finally meet is the same pure pleasure as I felt in the dream. Maybe I would enjoy it.

But why am I thinking this? I am so confused as to why I am thinking these things. But they aren't just idle thoughts that seemed to cross my way because of some stupid incident. They are full-fledged thoughts that have enveloped my mind ever since I had that dream. I have these real, butterfly- inducing thoughts about her that make me watch her more closely than I ever have before. I like to watch her chest move as she breathes, watch her lips move as she speaks, like to watch her eyes as they flicker across the book that she currently reads. I have such a desire to be with her. Yet I am here with her, alone with her in the cabin, and I still want more. I must be closer, must feel her everywhere I am…

I never even thought these things when I was with Tidus. What is going on with me? Who am I turning into? What-

"Gullwings! Report to the bridge immediately!"

I saw Paine put down her book and jump out of bed. "I guess they found something," Paine remarked as I put down my journal and hopped out of bed.

We made our way to the bridge, taking the lift at the edge of the hall. In those close quarters my mind was racing even more than it ever had. Look at her hands, looking so small yet strong. Then look at her hair, that silvery color full of fine and soft strands that play around her face in such a beautiful manner. Oh and just look at her lips…

I was enraptured with my thoughts all the way to the bridge that I never even noticed that Paine was looking at me funny. As the door to the lift opened up, we walked along the hall toward the bridge, where Brother, Buddy, Rikku, and Shinra were waiting eagerly for us.

"What's up?" Paine asked in her usual way, harsh and uninterested.

Brother's face was as white as a sheet. "We've got trouble."