Chapter 9- Relief and Destruction

"Rikku!" Paine squeaked out, surprise and nervousness evident in her voice. My own exclamations of surprised followed shortly after, my voice tight.

Oh shit, what was going to happen now that Rikku knew that, well, Paine and I were sort of caught up with one another? How would she react? Would she look at us in a more disgusted look than is already upon her face? Would she run away screaming, rushing up to the Bridge to tell Brother. Brother! Buddy! What would they think?! I know that guys usually like that sort of...stuff, but still! That doesn't really mean that they'll understand all of this. I mean, how can guys understand what really happens between two women at this point in time, when emotions are running so high? And what about the rest of Spira? What would happen when the found out that their High Summoner, having defeated Sin not too long ago, happens to...like girls?!

At that moment in time, it felt like my whole life was crashing down before me, my joys and happiness crumbling before my very eyes, the pieces falling quickly to the ground. And there they shattered into a million more pieces. I felt tears starting to well up behind my eyes. Things were just looking better and better by the minute.

To my extreme surprise, my worries and concerns left me at a very fast pace. Suddenly, Rikku was smiling.

"Oh! You guys!!" She screamed, capturing both of us into a hug, pushing us onto my bed once more. The air from my lungs was pushed violently out of my mind, expressed by a rather large amount of air rushing out of my mouth as the two of them toppled over onto me. "You should have told me earlier!" Her grip on Paine and I tightened even further, my ability to breath compromised. "This is so sweet! Oh my god! You two! This is so exciting!"

After having enough of squishing us to death, Rikku jumped back up, bounding up and down into the air, her airs flaring, her hair floating in the air. A smile was etched firmly onto her face and soon both Paine and I had one too.

"Rikku," I asked tentatively, my smile growing wider and wider as I looked at Paine, "you aren't...freaked out? I mean, you did find us...ah...in an interesting...position...."

She stopped bouncing, obviously working hard to calm herself down long enough to look us straight in the eye. "Oh, Yuna! This is so amazing! I'm not freaked out at all! Actually, I'm very happy for you! This is so...awesome!" Her voice had now grown to pitch that was hurtful to human ears. I covered my ears in pain.

"Rikku, this is great," I heard Paine's muffled voice through my hands, "but you could try to keep it down. It isn't that big of a deal...I mean...no one really needs to know, now do they?"

Rikku's smile turned into a frown. I was almost sure her pitch had come down, as her face had grown less happy over Paine's statements, so I found it safe to bring my hands down from my ears. "Why can't people know?" She glanced between Paine and I, searching for an answer. I frowned back at her, trying to make her understand without using my words. "It's so cool though!"

Paine stretched out her arms, taking her by her shoulders in an attempt to stop her ceaseless bouncing. "I know it's wonderful, but we ," at this she looked at me to make sure I agree, "don't really want the whole of Spira knowing that were....involved."

Involved? Paine said that we were involved?! Oh such happy words! Involved...it was one of the best things that I had heard yet today. So it really wasn't those one-time things after all. I didn't have to worry about anything at all. Things were going alright.

I stood up, happy as ever before, watching Paine leave down the stairs. Nothing could be better, that is, until Rikku took me by the shoulders and asked me for a word.

"Rikku," I said, sitting back down on my bed, "what's up?"

"I just want to say," Rikku started, sitting down next to me and looking into my eyes. I was barely aware of her taking my hands in her own, placing them in her lap. "That I'm worried about you and Paine."

"Worried?"

"Yeah...I mean," she glanced around, trying hard not to meet my eyes, "I am delighted to know that you've finally found someone to be with, even if it is a girl and is, well, Paine, but...Yunie.... What about Spira? What about their thoughts? Will they really accept you for who you are? I mean...liking girls isn't exactly tabbo."

I had thought about this, of course I had, and it worried me to. But right now, in the throes of happiness and delight, I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to be happy and right now, Spira could wait. They didn't need me right now, Sin was destroyed and things were going okay, right? I can enjoy myself right now...right? I just want to be happy!

"I know, Rikku, I know." I sighed, squeezing her hand for support, and got up.

Please, let me forget about this for one minute. I caught up to Paine, waiting for me right outside of the cabin, and together we made our way towards the bridge, Rikku following along at our heels.

We made it to the Bridge shortly, all of us waiting for an debriefing of what happened on Besaid. Things I had already known and guessed were relayed back to me during our little meeting. There was darkness in there and things didn't want Paine and I getting out. Blah blah blah, was all I really heard. My attention was better spent on watching Paine's face and expressions as she took all of it in. My guess as to what she actually doing was the same thing that was happening to me. The blah blahs were running through her head like me, coming in one ear and going out the other.

Yawn; what a boring meeting! My time could have been better spent doing other things. Much better things, in fact, things that shall not be named at this point in time. That is better left for latter.

"So, where should we go next, Gullwings?" Shinra asked us, my mind finally waking up once I realized a question was poised not only to my companions but to me as well.

"What do you mean, 'go next'?" Paine asked tentatively over to my right. Confusion played across her face and I imagined I had the same look upon my own.

"Well," Shinra started, his voice muffled in a very way behind his mask. I had always found it amusing but in my elated state for all the events happening recently it was more humorous than ever. "This darkness inside this cave is obviously worrying people. Word has spread that something is there and all of Spira is alight with gossip and new concern over this 'thing' residing within this tiny cave in Besaid. I'm just assuming that Yuna here would like to do something, am I correct?"

I nodded my head. Not only did I want to do something about this "darkness" that had recently appeared, but it was obligation to do something. I know I wave this around way to much but it's only the truth: I am the High Summoner. I must protect Spira!

"Well, then," Buddy piped up, "were should we start?"

That's a good question, I thought, where should we go next? I mean, it obviously originated from that cave in Besaid but who knew if there were other things like it all over Spira? And what about the people? Didn't they need someone to calm them down? Wouldn't I be needed in places other than Besaid?

Just as I was thinking, as I was sitting there peacefully, something came over with such a powerful force that I was almost knocked over backwards. Anger, so commanding and insisting, came over me that suddenly I was not in control of my actions any more. It was as if I was watching myself from far away. I saw myself screaming and yelling at everyone. But what was worse, I was yelling at Paine.

It wasn't just me though, it was everyone. At that very moment, everyone started screaming, trying to get some odd point across as to where to go next. What was happening, I asked myself on some detached level? What am I doing? Why am I feeling all of this anger and jealousy over everyone, and, most importantly, over Paine? Why is everyone doing this as well? What the hell is going on?!

The fighting went on for what seemed like forever. And although it was funny to see Shinra shouting along with all of us, it was unsettling. Something wrong and evil was going on. The Gullwings don't fight like this. Something is terribly wrong!

When I was finally back in control of myself, I was huddled up in a cave near the entrance to Macalania Woods, a fire roaring inside, and thick blankets covering my shoulders as I clutched them within my balled up fists.

"Wha-?" I said aloud, suddenly wondering where I really was.

Obviously I was in a cave in Macalania Woods and no longer on the Celsius, but how did it happen. The last thing I recalled was shouting at the other members of my team. I don't really know what we were arguing about but I knew that something inside of me hurt.

An ache, so acute and severe, was coming from somewhere inside of my stomach, moving upwards until my whole heart was captured within this pain. And then I realized it. Throughout all of the shouting, all of the fighting, all of the stupid arguing over where to go, Paine had left me. I remember now. I remember her giving me this horrible look, snorting at me, and walking off of the airship without so much as a look behind, her bags of crap gripped firmly in her hands. She had left me...and although we hadn't really been "at it" for a long time, the pain from the "break-up" seared through me like hot metal, burning me from the inside out.

I shook my head. What? Was this really real? I brought the blanket tighter around my shoulders, trying so hard to remember. I searched hard within my brain, looking for ever single detail pertaining to that event. I came up with very little.

"I don't understand," I said to myself, starting to rock back and forth. "Why...why did she leave? Why am I here?"

I looked around me, taking in my little cave for the first time. The walls were cold even to look at, and steel-like floor emanating some sort of evil force, and the air around me cooled not only the outside of my body but somehow was able to seep through my skin and bones to chill my insides. I was in a place where barely anyone knew existed. The middle of nowhere yet in the middle of everywhere. People were all around me, in the Calm Lands and Bevelle, just waiting to rescue me and tell me that I was just having a nightmare. In fact, any minute now, I would wake up and find myself back onboard the Celsius, waiting for Paine to come and reward me....

A crash of thunder brought me crashing back to reality, rain suddenly pouring outside. I could see it clearly, all of the individual droplets of rain coming down outside through the cave entrance. Unlike the one in Besaid this one had a big large arch for an entrance, letting the rain come in. At least my fire was far away so as not to get we. Well, there's one thing that's good about today....

I moved slightly to one side and I could hear something rustling against me. I looked and found a bag to my great dismay. So...I had walked out to. Try to think, Yuna, try....

Yes...I had walked out just after Paine. I was hurting then like I am now, my dignity at knowing that I was right overpowering any other feelings I may have been feeling at that point in time. I had walked out of the Celsius in much the same manner as Paine had done, not looking back at my comrades that surely felt the same arrogance that I had felt then.

Hold on a minute, backtrack just a minute. We were fighting over a simple question, right?

Right.

The question was where to go next, correct?

Correct.

Then, suddenly, out of no where, I stared to get really angry. Then I started to yell and scream at everyone just at the same time everyone else was. Am I right so far?

Yes.

So, then, we must have argued for a long time, for it is almost dark now, the sun setting as I speak as the rain pounds down, about this stupid, stupid question?

Must have.

Okay then, I've got that sorted out. I shifted my position in front of the fire again. Through my trials of trying to figure out what exactly had happened about the airship my pain from Paine had left me. At least for the time being.

Then we all decided to go in our own directions, right?

We didn't decide. Our arrogance and anger led us to just choose this way.

Right. So we all left on our own paths....Why?

Don't know. Must be something to do with that cave. It was evil, remember?

Of course! I struck my head in understanding. That evil is following me. Of course, why didn't I think about it before!

Oh don't take that tone! You know we're right. Somehow, deep inside of ourselves, we knew we're right.

Wow, have a turned into a mental case, having a conversation with myself inside of my head.

"Well, at least I'm not talking to myself, right?"

If only the pain hadn't come back I would have laughed at myself.

So, after that, what happened?

Rikku left, her bags packed, heading for Kilika. Then Shinra left, not caring whenever about anything, and departed for Bevelle. Whether or not he'll get a welcome there was yet to be seen, I suppose. Brother and Buddy seemed to getting along alright, both wanting to go to Mt. Gagazet for some odd reason, so they took the ship. Of course, this was decided before anyone had left and the fighting was still ragging.

And Paine...?

She went to the Calm Lands.

The Calm Lands? So she's close by, right? I could go see her right now.

But my legs wouldn't move; I was rooted to the spot by some unseen force. Then, my common sense started to kick in. She had left me, the second to last one to leave, right before me. Such hatred showed clear in her burning red eyes, piercing me like knifes all throughout my body. At that time it didn't really register that but now I do.

Oh crap. After everything it's all over in the blink of an eye, over a stupid little question as to where to go next. We're over.... But then again were we together? Or was it just what I had feared: just a fling. I guess it was....

The realization started to sink in again, the ache returning to my chest and stomach, folding my insides into knots of turmoil. Tears started to form up behind my eyes, burning them underneath my lids, my throat growing tight and dry. She...left. Things weren't going to be as I imagined. I had wanted what Paine and I were beginning to go on...for a long time if not forever. I had never felt this way about anyone before and when she touched me, kissed me, this passion and heat rose within me that I never thought existed. I was thinking things like never before, my happiness never- ending. At least, it was. My breath had always caught in my throat whenever I looked at her, especially her eyes. She held so much behind them, cowering behind her defenses so no one would ever understand her. But I did. I understood her more than anyone else from this few times we were together, touching and kissing. It felt so right and wonderful, like nothing could ever complete me like her.

I sighed. Things were going so well that I thought it would go on forever. I couldn't see the end at all for all I could see in the future was happiness...with Paine. But, that was all wrong. All wrong....

Slowly tears started to run down my face, my eyes no longer able to hold them inside anymore. And then it started. Tears started to come down just as heavy as the rain pouring outside, and the sobs that escaped from my mouth shacked the whole cave with their echoes. I sat there, drowning myself with my tears and cries, rocking back and forth, staring absent mindedly into the fire.

I'm not sure how long I sat there crying but when I looked back outside the rain was still pouring and the sun had now completely been vanished from sight. All the light I could see came from the full moon and that was only when it decided to show itself from out of the heavy clouds.

I was about to put my head back in my hands and continue my pain in my own way for, hey, I was halfway to the point of total and utter destruction, when I heard footsteps outside.