Note: Now I have a beta-reader. Thanks go out to Supremia.

Chapter 11-The Day After

I watched her in her sleep, marveling at how her breasts moved up and down as her lungs expanded with air, letting it out slowly through her open lips. She looked so beautiful in the darkness, even if I couldn't see all of her curves and valleys that graced my eyes from time to time. Oh how could I get someone so beautiful, so wonderful, and so talented (in many ways)? I was so plain and yet she still wanted me. Or, at least, I think she still does.

I laid wide awake under the covers, Paine's warm body close to mine, her breath tickling my face as she breathed, in and out, her face laying just inches from mine. I knew that my eyes were looking at the rough, stone ceiling of the cave we slept in, looking damp, yet I didn't see it at all. I saw…other things, pictures to caption the thoughts that were floating through my head, playing with my mind, slowly driving me insane Even though I wanted to go back asleep, to find that happy place inside of myself, I couldn't. The sun was not up yet, the moonwas still high in the sky, but it had been hours since I first feel asleep, wrapped up in her arms….

What was I doing? Oh good Spira! What have I done? I have slept with Paine, letting myself go to these passionate desires of mine,never once thinking of the other people of this world, never caring what they might think.

But why should I care what they think? I am my own person and what they believe or think of me should never, ever come between me and what I truly desire. But, Yuna, you must understand that the people of Spira have always mattered. Why else did I become a summoner in the first place? Why did I sacrifice my first love, Tidus, if it wasn't for them? My whole life has always revolved around them, ever since I was born, when my father left for his job, to rid Spira of Sin forever. It's always been for them….

And here I am, a women sleeping soundly beside me, unaware of the turmoil I am going through. How could I sacrifice everything for her, for one night of frenzied passion? Or will it be only one night? No, it must never happen again! I must not let myself give in to these desires that course through me, sinking in to every bone of my body….

Oh but why can't I? If I can't have Paine, if I can't do what I want, then what is the purpose of life? Why must I live for other people when most of them have forgotten me, forgetting the sacrifices that I made and are still making for them? I just want to enjoy life, just like everyone else; live my life as I want it. So why can't I do this? Why can't I fall in love with who I want?

Oh and how I love her. It has only been such a sort amount of time but I am so sure of how I feel, so positive that these emotions running around in my head are the emotions of love. I would never give her up for anything. No fiend will ever put a single paw or finger upon her, and if they even get close, I'll rip them apart.

Suddenly, as I looked at her closed eyes and that small drip of drool oozing out, I felt a surge of emotion, one that made me want to protect her from everything and anything that may come her way. I would never let anything hurt her at all, as long as I'm here. But, how will I protect her from myself? What if I hurt her in some way, shape, or form that makes her cry? Can I stop it from happening now? Oh, if it wouldn't hurt her, I'd stop this right now, just so that I know that I will never hurt her in the future. I'd protect her from afar and let myself suffer in peace, as long as she didn't hurt….

Oh but if I stopped it now then I'd hurt her anyway. I just want her to be happy and to never feel pain ever again. Never, ever…but how will I ever make it like that? How can I ever make things perfect?

I sighed, turning over on my side, placing my back to her. As much as it pained me to turn my back from her, to not be able to grace my eyes with her presence, I couldn't risk the chance that she'd see the tears sliding down my face.

Oh these stupid tears! Why am I crying anyway? Is it this feeling of hopelessness that pounds through my veins at each beat of my heart? I can't decide what I should do. One part of me knows that this love affair could never last long, because once the whole of Spira knows it could never continue. But why can't it continue? Why couldn't I make it work? If I just forgot all about those stupid people who were appalled at such an idea of two women, together, then I could live happily ever after with Paine.

Yet, the other part of me wants this love to continue on until the end of time. And it's so hard because both of these halves are no more stronger than the other, both having equally strong arguments, and neither can gain the upper hand. So here I am, laying beside her, both of us naked as the day we were born, torn between two extremes, two different destines.

Why is this so hard? I just want to live and love and be happy. Without Paine how can I do any of this? Why can't the people of Spira understand how I feel?

Well, then again, who says that they won't understand? I'm just assuming that they won't like it and never forgive me for doing such a thing. What if they don't care who I love, whether it's a girl or boy, and just accept me for who I am? Oh that would be so happy and a dream come true! But, somehow, I know that this will ever happen. I can only dream about it in my sleep, nothing more.

Sigh.

Of all the things….

I turn back over, laying on my other side, just so that I can look at her sleep once more. I find that I love her more than ever as I watch her, in such a peaceful slumber, that my heart aches. How could I ever leave such a beauty behind? How could I ever give this up for anything? At that moment, when I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her close to me, the half of me that wanted to stay with her through thick and thin won out. But I knew it wouldn't last long.

Two choices.

But only one answer.

I told myself to go back to sleep, to forget about it for now, to just enjoy the time I had with Paine right now. What will come will come, and there's no point in worrying about it now. Just enjoy her….

I feel asleep and didn't arise again until I felt a hand brushing my hair back, petting my head with the most gentle of touches.