Aragorn sat upon his throne, scowling at his misfortune. He jumped up and started pacing around the room.
"Why did I have to go and be made king?! It's not fair! I never wanted to be king. Why was I even born?!" he sat down roughly on his throne.
Suddenly there was a fanfare, and Gandalf threw open the doors to the throne room.
"What is all this nonsense about you not wanting to be king? You are meant to be king, it's your… destiny...destiny…destiny," his voice echoed through the chamber.
"Honey, you are a fine king," Arwen came in and rubbed his back. "Nobody would make a better king than you."
Elrond emerged from Arwen's chambers, "That's right. And besides, there would be no world to rule if you hadn't saved it."
"But I still don't wanna be king?!" Aragorn cried, stamping his feet, and flaying his arms. When he was done, he started sucking his thumb.
"We can't have a king that acts like a baby! What ever are we going to do?" Gandalf cried to nobody in particular.
Suddenly there was a puff of smoke, a flash of lightning, and a roll of thunder. When the smoke had cleared, they saw a strange girl standing there.
Aragorn screamed like a school-girl and ran behind his chair. Everyone joined him. Gandalf peeked from around the corner and thrust out his stick thingy.
"Stay back you devil!" he cried. "Only someone as evil and devious as Sauron could have sent you!"
FunnyGal13: Um, no, I came of my own free will thank-you-very-much! And besides, Sauron is dead, caput, finished, gone and forgotten. Listen, if it makes you all feel any better…
"No!" Gandalf, supposedly wise, had actually become quite senile in his old age and hadn't believed a word she had said. "I will not succumb to your wicked sorcery."
FunnyGal13: (Keeps on talking, though now directing words to Elrond, Arwen, Aragorn) I bring gifts from far away lands in the east.
"WHERE SAURON RESIDED!" Gandalf turned back to his friends, who were starting to become curious at what this girl had to offer. "LISTEN TO ME! SHE IS TRICKING YOU! THERE IS NOTHING SHE HAS TO OFFER THAT WILL PLEASE YOU!"
FunnyGal13: Well actually, I have all of the Harry Potter series. They are wizards, like you Gandalf. (Pulls books out of back, shows them to Gandalf)
He turned around, "Eh? Wizards… like," he pointed to his chest and smiled, "me?"
FunnyGal13: Yeah, though they aren't as mighty and powerful as you are. Here, (offers books) take them. Tell me what you think!
Aragorn came out from behind the chair, "What about me?! I'm the king you know."
FunnyGal13: Well, let me see what I have here. (Sticks hand into bag.) I've got a coconut pirate head, a cd player with an Avril Lavine cd, a roll of toilet paper, and a remote control. (Hands the things over) I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got some business back home to attend to, so I'll come back later to make sure you all didn't kill each other off.
In a puff of smoke, a flash of lightning, and a roll of thunder, she was gone.
"Oooh! I want this!" Aragorn grabbed the remote control. "Here Hunny Bunny, you can have this," he tossed the pirate coconut head to her. (A/N: Basically people, it's a coconut that looks like a pirate.)
"Eww!" Arwen squealed, and dropped the grotesque figure. "Give me something better sweetie!"
"No! I don't wanna listen to you!" he pressed the mute button on the remote control. "Ha! It worked! If I can control you… I can control the world!" Aragorn laughed menacingly and ran out of the throne room.
Everyone was quiet for a moment.
"Do you think we should tell him?" Arwen looked towards her father. He shook his head, and she shrugged, picking up the toilet paper. She was trying to examine it, when the roll literally rolled right out of her hands and onto the floor. Unfortunately she was still holding on to a bit of it, so she watched, her eyes wide in amazement, and the roll began to unravel. She tore off a small section, about a foot long, and twirled it in the air. Soon, after she had realized how cool t.p. looked trailing behind you, she was running around the room, with lengths of toilet paper dangling from her hands.
"This is totally asinine!" Gandalf cried, to no one in particular. "No mere child can take on the responsibility of a wizard! I mean look here, he made the glass disappear and allowed a wild snake to slither rampant in a zoo! Wuz up wit dat?!" he quickly went back to his reading.
Amidst all of the confusion, Elrond and picked up the cd player. He pushed one of the buttons. Music started to emit from the headphones. He put them on his knee. When he didn't hear anything, he pushed another button, causing the music to stop. He played with the buttons for a minute, until he had figured out Play and Stop. Then he put the headphones on his head. His finger trembled as it slowly pushed play. His hands brushed the side of his head, as a hideous sound entered his head.
"What is that bizarre sound? I haven't heard anything like that since the wars! It must be the work of some insane flutiest or singer." He held it out in front of him, as far as possible away from his body. He pursed his eyebrows, a determined expression crossing his face, "It must be destroyed!"
Suddenly Aragorn burst in. He picked up the coconut, and holding it like a football, ran around the room after Aragorn.
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, all of them standing in a row, big ones, small ones, ones as big as your head." He sang.
"Wait, we don't have coconuts here…" Arwen dropped her t.p. veil and turned to face her husband.
"Yes," Aragorn threw aside the remote and coconut and whipped Arwen into a passionate kiss. "That is why I love you. All 215 Lever parts of you. Oh… we must celebrate this joyous day with a feast. Come, my love, you have made me realize why I must be king." He picked her up and carried her out. Unfortunately he rammed her head into the frame of the door and knocked her out. But he was punch drunk with love, that he didn't notice, and even if he did, wouldn't care.
Suddenly there was a puff of smoke, a flash of lightning, and a roll of thunder.
FunnyGal13: Hey guys, how are you all… (Looks around and surveys damage. Remote/Coconut Head are destroyed. Elrond is crawling on the floor, commando style, towards the window. He swipes up the remains of remote as he passes Lilly.) faring?
"Must des-troy evil, must des-troy evil…" Elrond muttered as he stood up to throw the objects out the window.
FunnyGal13: Whoa whoa whoa! (Runs over and grabs objects, stands in front of Elrond who is still on the floor) I said you could use them not "des-troy" them. Geez, I thought ya'll would like this cd. (Pouts) Oh well, did you figure out what each item did?
Arwen came prancing into the room, with only a robe on. "We were supposed to figure out what each did?" she inquired. "By the way, can I have the coconut head? Argy wargy bunny dear wants it."
FunnyGal13: NO! (Hugs coconut) Get your own coconut!
Arwen left the chamber, sulking the whole way.
FunnyGal13: And yes you guys were supposed to figure out what they were supposed to do. WHAT DIDN'T YOU GET WHEN I SAID SEE WHAT THEY DO AND TELL ME!?!
Gandalf looked up from his book, "You never said that. Really, I, of all people, would have remembered that." He got up and slowly started to walk out the door, absorbed in his book.
FunnyGal13: Wait a sec, (Looks back through fanfic) I guess I didn't. But can you tell me what they do?
Blank expressions stared back at the girl.
FunnyGal13: (shakes head) I can't believe it. This is the type of people that are gonna rule Middle Earth. Even the hobbits figured what the stuff did. Well, except for Pippin, because he was high. (Notices Gandalf leaving with all her books) Hey, wait a minute, those I definitely want back. (Runs, grabs books from Gandalf, and pulls towards herself)
Gandalf was outraged that this young lass was trying to take this wonderful literature from him. "No, you gave them to me, so they are now officially mine." He pulled them back.
FunnyGal13: No, I only let you borrow them. GIVE THEM BACK!! (Pulls)
"NEVER!" Gandalf cried, pulling them back towards them. They kept fighting over the books, jumping around the room. Gandalf started beating Lilly with his stick.
FunnyGal13: Hey buddy, stop beating me with your stick! (Grabs the stick and wiggles it)
Suddenly, with a girly screech, Gandalf fell out the window that he was standing in front of. Lilly ran over to the window, gripping the books tightly under her arm.
FunnyGal13: That's what you get for messin' with me! Huh! What now! (Shakes fist. Turns around and starts gathering everything she brought) This is ridiculous, I can't even trust a bunch of grown-ups with a few things. (Stuffs stuff into book bag. Notices Arwen and Elrond looking at her) Well, whata lookin' at?! (Disappears)
Arwen shook her head sadly, and went to find Aragorn. Elrond turned, and looked at his daughter as she left. Then he stared at the spot where the girl had once stood. "I will find her, and destroy her witchcraft forever."
A/N: Yay, finally I have another chapter for you all. It's been a long time indeed. And yes, I decided not to use the hobbits again. Now, if you guys have any suggestions for who should be in the next chapter, and what should be dropped, let me know!