Disclaimer: hmm…. Own Inu-Yasha? Let's look at my to do list. …Rule the world… Kill whoever taught Hunch how to play harmonica… Convince parents to buy me a horse… Ah! Here it is: Own Inu-Yasha. Nope, not crossed off. Damn.
Also, I do not mean to offend anybody by the religion issues the wedding itself brings up. I've seen "A Wedding Story" so many times [courtesy of mom] that I know all the vows by heart (I actually married one of my friends to a tree once… quite funny, really…) and I'd rather put all that useless knowledge to use. So… Think nothing of the vows! Enough of my babbling! Onto:
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Bridezilla and the Ice Machine Adventures
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Kara sat in the salon chair and sighed as the stylist fiddled with her hair. Today was her wedding day! She knew she was going to be nervous but seriously, losing her breakfast?
"Kara?" Kagome asked, a little concerned. "Do you feel well?"
"Just dandy." Kara said wryly.
"That's no attitude to have on your wedding day, missy!" Sango scolded playfully.
The rest of the bridal party giggled and continued to scold Kara until she burst out laughing so hard the stylist was having a hard time getting her curls to stay in place.
****
The guys were bushed. Two straight hours of football-turned-rugby will do that to you. Unfortunately the only reason the game had stopped was because the best man had injured his ankle. Things were not looking up for Jason and the groomsmen.
"Shit, Jason, I can't move the stupid thing!" the injured man complained.
"So I guess its safe to say that you can't walk down the aisle, eh Matt?" Jason asked.
The man shook his head.
"Sorry, buddy. I can't walk."
"The that means we're one man short for the procession…" Jason mused. "And I can't let the maid of honor go down by herself…"
Jason looked over at Inu-Yasha, who was tying his shoe. Feeling eyes burning into the top of his head, Inu-Yasha looked up.
"Why are you looking at me that way?" he asked cautiously.
"I have an idea!" Jason announced a little too loudly with an odd enthusiasm that made Inu-Yasha jump. "Inu-Yasha will walk Kagome up the aisle to make things look pretty. Matt here, will already be up on the alter so he won't have to move that nasty ankle."
And with that, Jason helped the injured man into one of the cars and was shortly followed by the slightly confused group, minus Inu-Yasha.
"Don't I get a choice in the matter?" Inu-Yasha asked, now alone in the deserted, mud-strewn field.
Inu-Yasha gathered the answer from the way he was being ignored.
"I guess not…"
*****
The girls were at the hotel where the wedding was going to take place in an hour and a half.
"Okay, Kara," her mother said cheerfully once the were all inside the room, "I have to have this talk with you before you get into that wedding dress."
Kara looked fearfully into her mother's eyes. She knew what was coming. The talk. She had friends who were married and they'd told her all about it. The talk… Oh that most dreaded talk that one receives a preview of once you hit puberty and sends shivers down your back henceforth. The talk commonly called 'the birds and the bees' by elementary school teachers, but dubbed some other not-so-nice things by older teens. The one single talk that Kara had been hoping to dodge all her life…was here.
Seeing the look in her cousin's eyes, Kagome shivered. Surely her aunt didn't mean that talk! Not while she was around! Kagome looked at Sango and, seeing that she was wearing the same expression, thought of a quick plan.
"I think I need to use the restroom." Kagome excused herself, pulling Sango along with her out the door. Some of the other girls followed suite.
"Traitors!" Kara called after them.
The door slammed shut abruptly, cutting off anything else Kara was going to scream at them.
Sango, Kagome, and the girls that had followed them, sunk down the bathroom wall. They heard Kara's surprised voice echo off the hallways as she shouted "MOTHER!" several times to the woman.
"That was a close one…" Kagome said to no one in particular.
All of the girls nodded their agreement.
"Too close…" Sango said.
*****
The boys were all at the hotel now, awaiting the ceremony.
"Remind me what I have to do again?" Inu-Yasha asked Jason for about the hundredth time.
Jason sighed. "Its simple. All you have to do is walk with Kagome up the aisle. Right, left. Right, left."
"Just don't trip." Miroku snickered helpfully.
Now more worries flooded to Inu-Yasha's brain.
Oh, shit! What if I trip?!?! Kagome will be so embarrassed… I'll ruin the entire wedding!
"I don't think I can do this." Inu-Yasha said hurriedly.
Jason shot a look at Miroku that said "do you want me to hurt you?"
Miroku was able to identify it quickly enough because Sango constantly shot him those looks as did basically any other attractive member of the opposite sex he came across. Though, after last night, he doubted he would be getting very many more… at least not from Sango.
"Inu-Yasha, you'll be fine." Jason assured him. "Now does anyone know how much time we have left?"
"About an hour." Matt, the injured best man replied.
Jason snickered. "Ah, then it is time, men!"
"Time for what?" Miroku asked.
"Time to make Kara remember why she said yes to marrying me in the first place, of course!"
"And you are gonna do that how…?" Inu-Yasha asked skeptically.
"With THIS!" Jason shouted joyfully, while he pulled out a small gray box from his suitcase.
The boys shrank back in fear at Jason's sudden peppiness. The man was grinning from ear to ear. Inu-Yasha and the others wondered if they should want to know what was in that box; Miroku, obviously, was like an impatient two-year-old waiting for that box to be opened.
"What is it?!" Miroku asked excitedly.
Jason grinned an evil grin. He opened the box slowly like a naughty teen that had something to hide. What was inside caused all the men's eyes to nearly bug out of their heads.
"Are those real?!" Inu-Yasha shouted.
"Oh, but of course!" Jason said.
Inside the box was the most lavishly decorated diamond necklace anybody in that room had seen in the hands of a non-celebrity. Giant, tear-shaped diamonds hung off the golden chain, the largest being front and center.
Jason put the necklace back into the box and closed the lid.
"Miroku," Jason said handing the box to him, "I want you to take this to room 362. It's by the ice machine. Guard it with your life."
Miroku took the precious box and nodded sagely.
Inu-Yasha stared at him and Jason in turns, wondering whom the bigger fool was: Jason; for letting Miroku take the box to the room were the girls were changing, or Miroku; for going to the room where the girls were changing.
Decisions, decisions…
*****
The girls had returned to the room after Kara's mother walked out looking for them. Now they were all receiving a tongue-lashing from Kara.
"You girls are TRAITORS!"
"Well, Kara," Kagome said shyly, "we didn't need to hear that just yet."
"You SUCK! ALL OF YOU!" Kara shouted, pointing to each in turn.
"Yes, we suck big time." Sango said seriously.
Kara looked at Sango with a confused scowl. Sango snickered inside. Kagome's mouth was wide open with surprise at the joke she knew was coming. The other bride's maids had their eyebrows raised in suspicion.
"But not nearly as big as you!"
It took Kara a moment to register that as a very dirty joke, but when she did, her mouth hung open. Kagome and the other girls were laughing like there was no tomorrow, which there was a slight chance there wouldn't be for Sango.
Kara snapped out of her astonishment and advanced menacingly on poor Sango. It was quite a sight; a woman in a wedding gown chasing one of her party around the couch.
Interesting…
*****
Miroku wandered the hallways.
How many ice machines can one level have?! Miroku screamed inwardly.
He had spent the last fifteen minutes going from ice machine to ice machine, looking for that elusive 'Room 326'.
Miroku walked around another corner, into another corridor, with the promise of yet another ice machine.
"When will the madness end?!" he moaned, electing some odd looks from an older couple and some children who were out in the hall.
*****
"Shit! I almost forgot!" Kara yipped as she shuffled over to a nightstand.
All the girls looked suspiciously at her. She rummaged around until she found a piece of paper.
"Are those magazine cutouts?" Sango asked, looking over Kara's shoulder.
"It looks like a ransom note." Kagome observed.
Kara giggled and nodded evilly, then read the note out loud.
"To my darling fiancé," Kara began, "as you know we will be getting married in a very short while in front of all of our family and friends. This letter is to let you know I love you, but most importantly it is a warning. This next line should be committed to memory: IF YOU SMEAR WEDDING CAKE IN MY FACE, THERE WILL BE NO SEX ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT! Love, Bridezilla."
The entire room broke out in hysterical laughter.
"That is priceless!" Kagome exclaimed.
"How long did it take you to think that up?!" Sango asked through giggles.
"About an hour, I'd say…" Kara mused.
Then Kara handed the carefully folded note to Sango.
"Sango, please take this to Jason. The boys are in room 278."
Sango nodded and left the room, note in hand.
******
Miroku let out a sigh of frustration. So now he'd been out wandering the hallways for about twenty minutes. Twenty-seven ice machines had met with his frustration so far and he was about to make it twenty-eight when he saw Sango, in her bride's maid dress, walking down the hall towards him.
"My, my, Sango," Miroku said happily as he rushed up to her, "Are you a sight for sore eyes!"
Sango now noticed the man in a tux in front of her.
Damn, he looks cute in that tux… Wait! This is Miroku! Miroku = pervert = groping! But he's so cute…and you did sleep with him last night…PERVERT! CUTE!! PERVERT!!! CUTE!!!!
Miroku stared at Sango as she argued with herself mentally. Her expression was shifting from angry to dreamy.
"Uh, Sango…" Miroku said as he put his hand on her shoulder.
She snapped out of her mental row and looked at the man.
Hot man in a tux… STOP THAT!
"Y-yes, Miroku?"
"Could you please show me to the room where the girls are changing? I have to deliver this to Kara and I seem to have gotten lost."
"It's right next to the--"
"Ice machine, I know. That doesn't help me much." Miroku growled. "Do you know how many ice machines are on this floor?"
"Twenty-nine, why?"
Miroku's jaw hung open.
"That just figures!"
"What figures?"
"That it would be the last one I'm looking for!"
"Wait a minute," Sango said incredulously, "Do you mean to tell me that you've been to twenty-eight different ice machines?!"
Miroku nodded.
Sango broke out in hysterical laughter.
"You're pathetic!" Sango giggled.
"Oh, so that's the row were gonna walk down…" Miroku said thoughtfully. "Well then… you're beautiful."
Sango was surprised to say the least. She'd just insulted him and he'd complimented her?
See, he's not such a jerk after all! WILL YOU BE QUIET?!?!?!
Sango stared pointedly at him.
"I don't buy it."
"Then will you buy this…?" Miroku said as he stepped towards her.
Sango's eyes were as wide as saucers; their faces were merely centimeters apart. Miroku put his warm, strong hand on Sango's shoulder and kissed her.
He's kissing me! And…I like it…
She hasn't slapped me…I wonder…
Sango was far from slapping Miroku. Actually, she was kissing him back.
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Responses:
Purple-Sakura44: thanx! ^-^
Mirokuluver: hmm… *looks over shoulder and sees her brother blacked out* I see what you mean…
Hunch: your Franfran is gonna get a ride to the moon on the end of my foot… EXPRESS ONLY!
Allysono123: yup! I did that on purpose because…well… just because.
Skie2: this chappy is a LITTLE bit longer… I've really been trying but with tests to study for, a computer hog for an older brother and a moron for a younger brother, it's been hard to find time to seriously write. But that's what spring break is for, ne?
Bakuruyhaa: Glad ya feel that way!
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Ah yes… about the tree incident… here's what happened. My friends [who we'll call N, E, and S] and I were goofing around at recess one day [a looooong time ago]. Then N decided she liked this guy [we'll call him T]. Coincidentally, E had named a tree his name [for reasons I still can't figure out]. Then N said she wanted to get married to T so S suggested we marry N and T right then and there. I said I'd do it because I knew all the vows anyway and it would be entertaining. We practiced all recess and towards the end we had it all set up, down to the grass wedding bands [and yes, looking back, I think we may have been smoking grass at the time]. I preformed the "ceremony" and we only just recently stopped teasing each other about it.
Raven: You're a sick girl, Netiri.
Netiri: You don't have to rub it in you know…
--Netiri-sama no Kitsune-hi {Lady Netiri of Foxfire}
Review or your FAVORITE finger (I think we ALL know which one that is) will shrivel up and fall off…
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