::bows low::
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RINGTOKYO, also known as the SHIRE, about 3000 years after the MEIJI REVOLUTION…
Happy Bouncy Hobbit Music starts…
::Enter in KENSHIN HIMAGGINS, A RIDICULOUSLY ADORABLE AND HUGGABLE HOBBIT, who is SLEEPING UNDER A TREE. He is SHORT, and thus EVEN CUTER THAN EVER BEFORE.::
KENSHIN: ::wakes up and stretches:: ::ludicrously sweet Rurouni grin::
AUTHORESS: ::is hard put to NOT squeeze him::
THE SOUND OF GRUMBLING is beginning to ring throughout the fields. KENSHIN freezes, then leaps up in joy and begins to RUN ACROSS THE MEADOWS IN A HOBBITISH FASHION.
::Enter in GANJURO HIKO THE GREY, A WIZARD, riding on a cart with a LOAD OF POTTERY IN THE BACK SEAT. He is clothed in TATTERED GRAY ROBES and a WIZARD'S HAT THAT LOOKS VERY STRANGE ON HIM and is looking ARROGANT, SEXY, AND A BIT MIFFED.::
HIKO: ::is grumbling to himself:: Bloody foolish hobbits…stupid un-sexy gray robes…why am I doing this?! This is beneath my dignity! ::continues muttering, but in a more sing-song voice:: Damn never-ending road, going down from whatever door where it began, why do I have to follow it…
KENSHIN comes sprinting up to a crest of a hill. HIKO is just passing by. He is noticeably MUCH, MUCH BIGGER THAN KENSHIN…but then again he ALWAYS IS.
KENSHIN: ::crosses arms and looks cross:: You're late, that you are!
HIKO: ::turns and glares at him from under the brim of his nifty WIZARD'S HAT:: Your shishou is NEVER late, Kenshin Himaggins. Nor is he early—he arrives precisely when he means to.
The two share a very solemn GLARE.
KENSHIN: ::throws away any attempt at grumpiness and beams joyously:: You're back! ::open-armed leap at Hiko::
HIKO quickly moves sideways on his cart. KENSHIN goes crashing into the bench beside him.
KENSHIN: ::swirly-eyed:: Oroooooo…
HIKO: Baka deshi! Don't hug me!
KENSHIN: ::quickly recovers:: It's wonderful to see you again, Master! ::beams::
HIKO: ::mutters something that might be interpreted as follows:: Hmph… nicetoseeyoutoo… ::cough::
The two go RIDING ABOUT THE COUNTRYSIDE in Hiko's cart, KENSHIN continuing to be abnormally cute, and HIKO continuing to be arrogant, sexy, and miffed.
KENSHIN: What on earth are you doing back here, Master? I thought you never left your mountain, that I did.
HIKO: I'm here to conspire with that government-official patron of yours about the End of the World.
KENSHIN: …?
HIKO: ::sighs:: I'm here for the birthday party. Now shoo.
KENSHIN: Oh, okay! See you later! ::going frolicking off::
HIKO: ::blinks:: I can't really believe I raised my apprentice to be so oblivious…that better be an act…
HIKO, still grumbling and still in his unsexy gray robes, has managed to find his way now to the KAMIYA DOJO…except that it's now more of a HOLE. The HOBBIT DOJO-HOLE, KAMIYA-END. Very comfortable, no doubt.
HIKO: ::takes out large sword and bangs on the door::
OOKUBO: ::from within:: Hey! Stop that! I LIKE that door! ::comes out:: Oh, look, you dented it!
HIKO: Nice to see you too.
OOKUBO: Even though we never come in contact in the series, I'm going to pretend you're an old friend and hug you anyway! ::does so::
HIKO: You hobbits are a touchy-feely kind of people, aren't you?
OOKUBO: ::prances back inside:: Come on, come in!
HIKO makes an AWKWARD ATTEMPT TO DO SO, as the Hobbit-door only comes to about his KNEES.
OOKUBO: ::ecstatic that Hiko actually managed to make it indoors:: Welcome, welcome! ::takes Hiko's nifty hat, and considers for a moment trying to remove his sword:: Tea? Or maybe something a little stronger? I think I might have some sake around here somewhere…::goes bustling away in a very hobbitish-fashion::
HIKO: Just tea, thank—wait a minute, what am I saying? Bring on the sake! ::backs up and hits a chandelier:: Ouch!
AUTHORESS: Watch out for that!
HIKO: ::bangs into the ceiling:: Ow!
AUTHORESS: That too!
HIKO: You set that up, didn't you?
AUTHORESS: That's what you get for calling my Kenshin-angel a baka deshi for all those years! ::growls::
HIKO: ::sulky snarl::
AUTHORESS: ::motions menacingly towards a heavy bureau::
HIKO: ::ignores her and goes wandering around inside a cozy hobbit room:: Hmmmmm…messy. Obviously a bachelor hobbit. ::spies map of Middle-Japan and pulls it out, eyeing it for a few moments::
OOKUBO: ::bustling back in:: I can make you some rice balls if you like—::notices that Hiko has mysteriously disappeared:: Oh…um…Hiko?
HIKO: ::magically pops out behind him:: Ta-da!
OOKUBO: How did you do that?
HIKO: I can do anything. ::preens::
Sadly, this is probably true.
OOKUBO: You know, I'm getting really sick of my annoying relatives. And this town isn't interesting anymore. So I'm going to go take a vacation with the Elves.
HIKO: A vacation?
OOKUBO: Or a permanent residence. Take your pick.
HIKO: All right, then…
OOKUBO: I'm leaving all my possessions to Kenshin!
HIKO: ::snorts:: Oh, yeah, THAT'S a high-quality idea.
OOKUBO: What? He's a good boy!
HIKO: This place would have laundry laid out in lines from foyer to basement. And pink. Everywhere.
OOKUBO: ::sweatdrop:: Maybe I better just leave it to that Kamiya-girl…it is her namesake dojo after all…
HIKO: …Give it to the baka-deshi.
And now, in a dramatic scene change, we find ourselves at the BIRTHDAY-PARTY of LORD OOKUBO. There is a wide assortment of Hobbitish activities going on, including DANCING, EATING, DRINKING, PLAYING, LAUGHING, CHATTING, and MISCHIEF-MAKING.
We now see a DANCE going on between several young Hobbit-couples. Everyone appears to be having a good time.
KENSHIN: ::is generally being abused by the Hobbit-chicks, because everyone loves him:: Oro…
Watching the dance, somewhat enviously, is the pretty young kendo-instructor hobbit, KAORU GAMIYA.
KAORU: Rrrrgh…Kenshin having a good time with hobbit-girls other than me…::smolders::
KENSHIN: ::somehow manages to disentangle himself from his admirers and bounces over:: Kaoru-dono! Come dance! There are some very nice hobbits here—
KAORU: ::glares:: Rrrrrrgh.
KENSHIN: Oro…hmmm…::doesn't know how to deal with this:: You don't want to dance?
KAORU: ::hopefully:: Was that an invitation?
KENSHIN: ::clueless:: Sure!
KAORU: ::beams:: Okay! ::grabs his hand::
KENSHIN: ::BLUSH:: Oro!
KAORU has now pulled him into a dance. It is hard to tell who is more pleased.
HIKO, meanwhile, in a rare moment (and no doubt drunk), has decided to please the Hobbit children by EXPLODING SOME OF HIS POTS, in hopes they will BLOW UP IN PRETTY COLORS.
HOBBIT CHILDREN AYAME, SUZUME, EIJI, AND IORI: ::cheer::
Because it wouldn't be a story without them…
Enter in SANOSUKE BRANDYGRA and YAHIGRIN TOOK, two notorious Hobbit pranksters.
SANOSUKE AND YAHIKO: ::evil grins::
SANOSUKE and YAHIKO, being as they are, decide that it would be a REALLY FUN THING to go and steal…
YAHIKO: Explosive pottery! ::pounces on the back of Hiko's wagon::
SANOSUKE: ::steals a HUMONGOUS one:: Oh, we're good…
However, since they ARE Sano and Yahiko…
YAHIKO: ::lights pot:: Done!
SANOSUKE: ::realizes they're inside a tent:: You're supposed to stick it in the ground! ::shoves it at Yahiko::
YAHIKO: ::shoves back:: It IS in the ground!
SANOSUKE: Outside!
YAHIKO: This was your idea—
::BANG!::
EXPLOSIVE STATUETTE: Fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ::DRAGON!::
HOBBITS: :scatter::
KENSHIN: Oh, dear—Ookubo-san, watch out for the dragon!
OOKUBO: Dragon? Don't be a silly wanderer, there haven't been dragons in these parts for a thousand years—
::BOOM!::
The DRAGON reveals itself to be nothing more than one of Hiko's firework-pots, and everyone feels very silly.
SANOSUKE: ::is absolutely filthy:: That was good.
YAHIKO: Let's get another one!
A GIANT HAND comes down and grabs both their ears and YANKS THEM OFF THE GROUND.
AUTHORESS:: Because Hiko could and would do something like that.
YAHIKO: Ow! Lemme go!
SANOSUKE: ::starts swearing threats that can't be put into print::
BOTH: ::suddenly realize they are face-to-face with Ganjuro the Grey::
HIKO: ::is highly unamused:: Sanosuke Brandygra and Yahigrin Took. I might have known.
YAHIKO: Eep.
SANOSUKE: ::considers acting polite for a single moment:: Okay, put me down, you giant lummox of a wizard!
Even less amused now, HIKO totes both of them off to do laundry.
YAHIKO: ::over a mass of messy kimonos:: But this is KENSHIN'S job!
HIKO: If it's good enough for my apprentice, it's bad enough for you.
YAHIKO: ::scowl::
SCENE SHIFT to the selective party scene wherein OOKUBO is about to give a speech.
OOKUBO: Well, I COULD give a speech, but I think instead I'm going to be fairly creepy and symbolic and put on this nice Ring of mine. ::does so::
::POOF::
OOKUBO has now mysteriously disappeared. HIKO notices this and scowls.
HIKO: That was as impressive as one of MY entrances…something's wrong here.
HOBBITS: ::scatter in fright:: Eep! Magic!
KENSHIN: ::clueless:: Where did Ookubo-san go?
Meanwhile, back at KAMIYA-END…
OOKUBO: ::takes off Ring:: Oh, I'm good.
HIKO: ::materializes out of nowhere:: Not good enough.
OOKUBO: How'd you do that?
HIKO: I'm Hiko. I can do anything. ::PREENS::
OOKUBO: Humph. Fine. But you can't stop me from leaving. ::makes to do so::
HIKO: Don't forget your hat.
OOKUBO: ::Grabs his hat::
HIKO: And your walking-stick.
OOKUBO: ::Grabs his walking-stick::
HIKO: And your scarf.
OOKUBO: Look, is there a reason for this incessant mothering, or are you just trying to prove a point?!
HIKO: I'm proving a point.
OOKUBO: ::sulks::
HIKO: What about that Ring of yours?
OOKUBO: I have it, okay?!
HIKO: No, no…that stays here.
OOKUBO: Oh…really?
HIKO: Yes.
OOKUBO: You're sure?
HIKO: Quite sure.
OOKUBO: Oh…ummm… ::fingers Ring:: Weeeeeeeeeell…
HIKO: ::waits patiently::
OOKUBO: ::suddenly turns very nasty:: You know, I'm not so sure I want to leave it here!
HIKO: ::patience gone:: Now look here, you…!
OOKUBO: It's mine!
HIKO: No, it's not!
OOKUBO: Is too!
HIKO: Is not!
OOKUBO: Is too!
HIKO: Is not!
OOKUBO: Is too!
HIKO: Is not!
OOKUBO: Is too to infinity! Ha!
HIKO: Okay, that's it. ::GOES SCARY MANSLAYER:: You are SERIOUSLY ticking me off, you foolish little government official! And just because I make pretty sculptures does NOT take away my sexy manly danger!
OOKUBO: Eep! Cower before his Almighty Handsomeness! ::does so::
HIKO: ::is mollified with all the reverent cowering:: Oh, very well. I'll let you off this time as long as you hand over that Ring.
OOKUBO: Well…okay… ::strokes the RING once last time before letting it fall to the ground::
RING: ::OMINOUS THUNK::
OOKUBO: Right, I'm leaving before I cause any more problems. ::exits singing:: The road goes ever on and on, down from the road where it began… ::bye-bye to Ookubo::
HIKO: See ya, small one. ::turns and sees Ring:: Oh. Hm. ::does NOT want to touch it::
RING: ::sexy voice:: Hey you. Big boy. Down here.
HIKO: Okay, DEFINITELY not touching that evil thing. ::stalks off to sit by the fire::
RING: ::sulks::
KENSHIN: ::bangs in through front door:: Ookubo-san! Ookubo-san! ::notices RING:: …Oh… ::bends to pick it up::
RING: ::instantly falls in love with Kenshin:: Awwwww…what a cute lil' hobbit!
KENSHIN: ::blushes, then looks at Hiko:: He's gone, hasn't he? ::sniffs::
HIKO: Yes, and despite my wise advise, he has decided to leave you Kamiya-End. ::holds out envelope to put the Ring into::
KENSHIN: Ummm…okay. ::drops Ring into envelope::
HIKO: Along with all his possessions.
KENSHIN: Well, that makes sense…why don't you want to touch his Ring?
HIKO: Because I have some rather nasty doubts about that Ring that would generally leave me inclined to stay as far away from it as I can.
KENSHIN: ::blink::
HIKO: Anyway, I'm leaving now.
KENSHIN: What? But Master! You only just arrived!
HIKO: There are things more important than you, baka-deshi. Bye now! ::Exits::
KENSHIN: ::looks very pathetic and confused, and gives the Ring in his hand a questioning look:: I don't suppose you could tell me what was going on.
RING: Nope.
KENSHIN: I thought not. ::sighs::
Cast ListFRODO BAGGINS: Kenshin Himura
GANDALF THE GRAY: Seijuro Hiko the Sexy
BILBO BAGGINS: Lord Ookubo
SAMWISE GAMGEE: Kaoru Kamiya
MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK: Sanosuke Sagara
PEREGRIN TOOK: Yahiko Myoujin
THE RING: Still as Itself
WOOT! I'd just like to say I love this fic. It's pointless and amusing.