Part 4
All the Snow Scouts were now unmasked, apparently because they realized there were no snow gnats in this part of Mortmain Mountains. At the head of one line was Uncle Bruce, who looked vaguely familiar to Violet and Klaus, though there were too worried about the villainous recruitment scheme to pay much attention. Carmelita Spats was at the head of the other line with a small crown on her head.
"What are all you cakesniffers doing here?" she demanded. "I'm the False Spring Queen, and I order you to go away!"
"Now now, Carmelita," Bruce said. I'm sure these people are here to help celebrate your special day. Let's be accommodating, basic, calm, darling,..."
Violet interrupted the chanting of the pledge. "Bruce, these people are here to kidnap the Snow Scouts, not help you celebrate."
"It's a trap," Klaus said, "Get out of here as fast as you can!"
"Pay no attention to those masked fools," said Olaf. "The mountain air has gone to their heads. Just take a few steps closer and we'll all join in a special celebration."
"Please listen to us!" Klaus said, "You're in terrible danger."
Carmelita glared at them and asked, "Why should I listen to cakesniffing strangers like you? You're so stupid you still have your masks on when there aren't any snow gnats around."
The Baudelaires realized they were unlikely to convince anyone they were telling the truth while their faces were covered. They didn't want to sacrifice their disguise, but they couldn't help it if they wanted to save the Snow Scouts. All three children took off their masks.
Count Olaf's mouth dropped open, "The two older orphans? You're dead! You perished in the caravan. And you, you're one of those twins who died a long time ago."
"I'm a triplet, not a twin," said Quigley, "and I'm not dead."
"And you're not a volunteer," Olaf sneered. "None of you are members of V.F.D. You're just a bunch of orphan brats."
"Then we don't need the stupid baby any longer," said the deep-voiced woman with hair but no beard. She blew her whistle and the eagles lifted her to the side of the car. "The baby has been napping in this casserole dish the whole time, and now I'll throw her off the mountain!"
"Nooo!" cried Violet and Klaus. They rushed toward the woman, but the eagles lifted her high above their heads. She tossed the casserole dish towards the cliff. As it turned in the air it came open, and a large eggplant fell with a "plop!" beside the car.
"We've been tricked! Where's the baby?" shouted the woman in surprise.
"I'm not a baby," said Sunny, emerging from behind the punctured tire where she had been hiding.
"Look at what they just tried to do!" Violet called to the Snow Scouts. "Now can't you see they are terrible villains out to do you harm?"
"You look pretty villainous yourselves, you guilty-faced cakesniffers!" said Carmelita Spats. "You're just trying to ruin my special day!"
Violet, Klaus, and Quigley looked at each other. It was true. The remorse of killing Esmé Squalor had made their faces drawn and guilty-looking. There was no way they could convince the Snow Scouts now.
Carmelita grabbed the Springpole and jammed it into the very edge of Mount Fraught. "I crown myself False Spring Queen!" There was a shattering sound and an enormous crack split its way down the waterfall.
"What are you looking at?" demanded Carmelita. "You're supposed to be doing a dance in my honor."
"Forward march, Snow Scouts," said Bruce. Let's recite the Snow Scout Alphabet pledge as we dance around the Springpole."
"Snow Scouts," said the Snow Scouts, "are accommodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xylophone..."
By the time they got to "xylophone" they had all marched onto the net. The villainous man and woman blew their whistles and the eagles dove to the ground, picking up the net and capturing everyone standing on it. The only ones who escaped recruitment -- other than the Baudelaires and Quigley of course -- was Carmelita Spats, standing next to Count Olaf.
"I've beaten you again, Bruce," called Count Olaf up to the net. "I tricked you out of a reptile collection I needed for my own use, and now I've tricked you out of your collection of children!"
The eagles began flying away, dragging the net. Eagles on the shoulders of the man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair and no beard lifted them both into the air.
"You get the sugar bowl from those orphan brats, Olaf," said the woman with hair and no beard, "and we'll meet at the last safe place! We'll have changed disguises by then, just to be careful. I'll have the beard and she'll have the hair."
"With these eagles," the sinister man with a beard and no hair said, "We can finally catch up the the self-sustaining hot-air balloon and destroy those volunteers!"
The Baudelaires gasped and looked at Quigley, thinking about their friends Duncan, Isadora, and Hector being in danger.
As the eagles bore the sinister couple away, they both called out "We'll fight fire with fire!"
Olaf turned toward the Baudelaires. "I only need one of you to learn where the sugar bowl is and get my hands on the fortune. Which one should it be?"
"Keep Violet, because she has the longest hair to pull," suggested Carmelita.
"An excellent idea," Count Olaf said. "I'd forgotten what an adorable little girl you are. Why don't you join me?"
"Join you?" Carmelita asked.
"Yes, I seem to be short a theater troupe willing to do villainous drudge-work for me. Why not push all the orphans off the cliff but one, and then come with me to a nice hotel?"
Had Esmé been there to flatter Carmelita and promise her nice outfits, things might have been different. But Olaf had no idea how to talk to a spoiled little girl.
"I don't like you," Carmelita said. "You're ugly and you stink!"
Count Olaf's eyes glittered with rage. "I'll have you know I'm extremely handsome, and I washed my face today especially to welcome the new recruits."
"You're a dirty, ugly cakesniffer!"
"Why, you little...!" yelled Olaf, losing his temper and grabbing at Carmelita. She ran out of reach, towards the Springpole. Olaf charged at her, but suddenly the eggplant rolled under his feet. He tripped, slipped on the ice, and went straight over the cliff! The fall broke several ribs and both of his legs, but he might have survived if he hadn't skidded across the frozen lake and straight into the pit, where the Voluminous Fire Dress had still not stopped blazing.
"How did the eggplant get out there?" asked Violet.
"Babganoush!" Sunny cried. She licked a little eggplant juice from her fingers.
Carmelita looked at them with disgust. "The Daily Punctilio said that the Baudelaires are cakesniffing murderers, and now I've seen it myself!"
"Those stories were wrong!" said Klaus. "We never killed any..." He trailed off, realizing that now the stories were no longer wrong.
"Hah!" said Carmelita, running for the trail. "I'm going to tell them about this new murder. I'll get my picture in the paper and be famous!"
The others didn't have the heart to try to stop her. I'm sorry to tell you that Carmelita got safely back to civilization and got her picture in the Daily Punctilio with the headline, "Adorable Girl Escapes Killer Baudelaires!"
"Now Sunny has blood on her hands, too," said Quigley. "I'm afraid you've all failed V.F.D. training. K will be very disappointed. So will your Uncle Lemony."
"Kay? That's our mother's name," said Violet.
"I said 'K', not 'Kay'," Quigley said. "But that's who I'm talking about."
"Wait a second," said Klaus. "You're talking about our mother? And you said she will be disappointed? You mean she's alive, and you knew it all along?"
"I haven't been entirely honest with you," said Quigley. "I'm a member of the V.F.D. and I was up here at headquarters with your mother when it was burned down. I saved the sugar bowl and preserved the poem stanza so that you could read the Verbal Fridge Dialog. Later I went down and joined the Snow Scouts so I could help you if you came that way."
"But where is our mother?" cried Violet.
"Where?" echoed Sunny.
"There's another secret passage the villains didn't know about," Quigley said. He walked to a large rock beside the trail and knocked on it.
"You can come out now, Mrs. Baudelaire," Quigley said.
All the Snow Scouts were now unmasked, apparently because they realized there were no snow gnats in this part of Mortmain Mountains. At the head of one line was Uncle Bruce, who looked vaguely familiar to Violet and Klaus, though there were too worried about the villainous recruitment scheme to pay much attention. Carmelita Spats was at the head of the other line with a small crown on her head.
"What are all you cakesniffers doing here?" she demanded. "I'm the False Spring Queen, and I order you to go away!"
"Now now, Carmelita," Bruce said. I'm sure these people are here to help celebrate your special day. Let's be accommodating, basic, calm, darling,..."
Violet interrupted the chanting of the pledge. "Bruce, these people are here to kidnap the Snow Scouts, not help you celebrate."
"It's a trap," Klaus said, "Get out of here as fast as you can!"
"Pay no attention to those masked fools," said Olaf. "The mountain air has gone to their heads. Just take a few steps closer and we'll all join in a special celebration."
"Please listen to us!" Klaus said, "You're in terrible danger."
Carmelita glared at them and asked, "Why should I listen to cakesniffing strangers like you? You're so stupid you still have your masks on when there aren't any snow gnats around."
The Baudelaires realized they were unlikely to convince anyone they were telling the truth while their faces were covered. They didn't want to sacrifice their disguise, but they couldn't help it if they wanted to save the Snow Scouts. All three children took off their masks.
Count Olaf's mouth dropped open, "The two older orphans? You're dead! You perished in the caravan. And you, you're one of those twins who died a long time ago."
"I'm a triplet, not a twin," said Quigley, "and I'm not dead."
"And you're not a volunteer," Olaf sneered. "None of you are members of V.F.D. You're just a bunch of orphan brats."
"Then we don't need the stupid baby any longer," said the deep-voiced woman with hair but no beard. She blew her whistle and the eagles lifted her to the side of the car. "The baby has been napping in this casserole dish the whole time, and now I'll throw her off the mountain!"
"Nooo!" cried Violet and Klaus. They rushed toward the woman, but the eagles lifted her high above their heads. She tossed the casserole dish towards the cliff. As it turned in the air it came open, and a large eggplant fell with a "plop!" beside the car.
"We've been tricked! Where's the baby?" shouted the woman in surprise.
"I'm not a baby," said Sunny, emerging from behind the punctured tire where she had been hiding.
"Look at what they just tried to do!" Violet called to the Snow Scouts. "Now can't you see they are terrible villains out to do you harm?"
"You look pretty villainous yourselves, you guilty-faced cakesniffers!" said Carmelita Spats. "You're just trying to ruin my special day!"
Violet, Klaus, and Quigley looked at each other. It was true. The remorse of killing Esmé Squalor had made their faces drawn and guilty-looking. There was no way they could convince the Snow Scouts now.
Carmelita grabbed the Springpole and jammed it into the very edge of Mount Fraught. "I crown myself False Spring Queen!" There was a shattering sound and an enormous crack split its way down the waterfall.
"What are you looking at?" demanded Carmelita. "You're supposed to be doing a dance in my honor."
"Forward march, Snow Scouts," said Bruce. Let's recite the Snow Scout Alphabet pledge as we dance around the Springpole."
"Snow Scouts," said the Snow Scouts, "are accommodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xylophone..."
By the time they got to "xylophone" they had all marched onto the net. The villainous man and woman blew their whistles and the eagles dove to the ground, picking up the net and capturing everyone standing on it. The only ones who escaped recruitment -- other than the Baudelaires and Quigley of course -- was Carmelita Spats, standing next to Count Olaf.
"I've beaten you again, Bruce," called Count Olaf up to the net. "I tricked you out of a reptile collection I needed for my own use, and now I've tricked you out of your collection of children!"
The eagles began flying away, dragging the net. Eagles on the shoulders of the man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair and no beard lifted them both into the air.
"You get the sugar bowl from those orphan brats, Olaf," said the woman with hair and no beard, "and we'll meet at the last safe place! We'll have changed disguises by then, just to be careful. I'll have the beard and she'll have the hair."
"With these eagles," the sinister man with a beard and no hair said, "We can finally catch up the the self-sustaining hot-air balloon and destroy those volunteers!"
The Baudelaires gasped and looked at Quigley, thinking about their friends Duncan, Isadora, and Hector being in danger.
As the eagles bore the sinister couple away, they both called out "We'll fight fire with fire!"
Olaf turned toward the Baudelaires. "I only need one of you to learn where the sugar bowl is and get my hands on the fortune. Which one should it be?"
"Keep Violet, because she has the longest hair to pull," suggested Carmelita.
"An excellent idea," Count Olaf said. "I'd forgotten what an adorable little girl you are. Why don't you join me?"
"Join you?" Carmelita asked.
"Yes, I seem to be short a theater troupe willing to do villainous drudge-work for me. Why not push all the orphans off the cliff but one, and then come with me to a nice hotel?"
Had Esmé been there to flatter Carmelita and promise her nice outfits, things might have been different. But Olaf had no idea how to talk to a spoiled little girl.
"I don't like you," Carmelita said. "You're ugly and you stink!"
Count Olaf's eyes glittered with rage. "I'll have you know I'm extremely handsome, and I washed my face today especially to welcome the new recruits."
"You're a dirty, ugly cakesniffer!"
"Why, you little...!" yelled Olaf, losing his temper and grabbing at Carmelita. She ran out of reach, towards the Springpole. Olaf charged at her, but suddenly the eggplant rolled under his feet. He tripped, slipped on the ice, and went straight over the cliff! The fall broke several ribs and both of his legs, but he might have survived if he hadn't skidded across the frozen lake and straight into the pit, where the Voluminous Fire Dress had still not stopped blazing.
"How did the eggplant get out there?" asked Violet.
"Babganoush!" Sunny cried. She licked a little eggplant juice from her fingers.
Carmelita looked at them with disgust. "The Daily Punctilio said that the Baudelaires are cakesniffing murderers, and now I've seen it myself!"
"Those stories were wrong!" said Klaus. "We never killed any..." He trailed off, realizing that now the stories were no longer wrong.
"Hah!" said Carmelita, running for the trail. "I'm going to tell them about this new murder. I'll get my picture in the paper and be famous!"
The others didn't have the heart to try to stop her. I'm sorry to tell you that Carmelita got safely back to civilization and got her picture in the Daily Punctilio with the headline, "Adorable Girl Escapes Killer Baudelaires!"
"Now Sunny has blood on her hands, too," said Quigley. "I'm afraid you've all failed V.F.D. training. K will be very disappointed. So will your Uncle Lemony."
"Kay? That's our mother's name," said Violet.
"I said 'K', not 'Kay'," Quigley said. "But that's who I'm talking about."
"Wait a second," said Klaus. "You're talking about our mother? And you said she will be disappointed? You mean she's alive, and you knew it all along?"
"I haven't been entirely honest with you," said Quigley. "I'm a member of the V.F.D. and I was up here at headquarters with your mother when it was burned down. I saved the sugar bowl and preserved the poem stanza so that you could read the Verbal Fridge Dialog. Later I went down and joined the Snow Scouts so I could help you if you came that way."
"But where is our mother?" cried Violet.
"Where?" echoed Sunny.
"There's another secret passage the villains didn't know about," Quigley said. He walked to a large rock beside the trail and knocked on it.
"You can come out now, Mrs. Baudelaire," Quigley said.