Default B/N: subliminal message: Sev is a gorgeous god. WORSHIP HIM!!!
As Lourdaise is currently flying to Dublin, she entrusted me with the task
of uploading this chapter. Foolish, foolish... *rubs hands together in
gleeful plotting mode* ...actually, I realise that our delightful reviewers
would probably lynch me if I ambushed the chapter. So, here it is (with
many thanks to lita and aurora_borealis):
Chapter 13 (is that unlucky?)
One evening in late April, when I was testing Peter in preparation for the end of years, although they were still weeks away, he suddenly sat up purposefully and said, "James?"
"Yes?"
"Where's Remus?"
"Remus?" It was full moon, and Moony had vanished as usual after dinner. I no longer really took note of his disappearances - they were just a part of life that made little difference to me. I occasionally remembered my wish to help him, but slowly that had trickled away as it seemed less and less likely that a solution would be found. It had never occurred to me that Peter might wonder where Remus went - in fact, it had neither occurred to me that he would even notice, nor that he would not have been told. Now I was stuck as to what to do. Presumably the fact that Peter did not know meant that Remus did not want him to, but why? Peter was as much a part of our group as any of us, by now, and although he wasn't as popular as the rest of us, his grades had improved and he had blossomed since joining us. He was just as keen on pranks as Sirius, Remus and I, and he was more happy to torture Snape than Remus was. Well, at least he was happy to watch. It was Sirius and I that had enough power and skill to do the hexing and jinxing - but it was good fun to have a supporter. "I hadn't noticed he was gone," I said at last.
"But he disappears so often."
"Yes, I suppose he does. I don't really think about it," I said, half- truthfully.
"Hmm."
I questioned him next time I saw him alone. "Moony, why haven't you told Peter about... well, your being Moony?"
Remus glanced around us warily and shrugged. "I just... I don't know. I thought it was best if as few people knew as possible. I didn't think he'd notice anything."
"He is one of our group."
"Yes... yes, I know. But -"
"Do you mind if I tell him?"
Remus frowned. "If he must know, then I'll tell him myself."
"OK. Then tell him. He'll find out somehow."
"Do you really think so?"
I sniggered, but then stopped. "He might."
"All right, then. But what if he tells everyone?"
"He won't. Look, I tell you what, I'll be on hand with a memory charm, if he takes it badly. Then nothing need matter."
Remus smiled. "You never give up, do you, James?"
We decided to wait until after the next Quidditch match, Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, which we won. It seemed that we could win the Cup again, if we only beat Hufflepuff. And that wouldn't be hard, no matter what Geoff said. I knew he was desperate to win the Cup this year, as it was his last year as Gryffindor seeker, and that he didn't want to tempt fate by being blasé. Still, the rest of us were quietly confident, despite his tension at our high spirits.
"Do I really have to tell him?" Remus whined as I accompanied him to the same empty classroom where he had told Sirius and I that he was a werewolf.
"Yes, if you truly want to call him a friend. He should already be here, I'll wait outside. Remember, the signal is - ?"
"'You're a rat'," Remus repeated. "OK. And you're sure you can do a short, but long enough, memory charm?"
"Yes! Look, how many times have I practised on poor Sirius?"
"I don't remember. There were those few that misfired."
I chuckled. "They didn't misfire. I was just giving Si a break. Relax, Rem. It'll be fine."
Sure enough, there were no shouts of 'You're a rat!' and no Peters hurling themselves out of the classroom, ready to tell the world. Fifteen minutes passed before Remus emerged with a slightly pale-faced Peter.
"And you mustn't tell anyone, remember."
Peter nodded. "I know. Hey, James, what are you doing here?"
"I was told you'd been seen coming in here," I said, as planned. "What's up?"
Remus pulled a face. "I've been telling Peter," he parroted. "About... you know."
I acted amazed. "Well done, Rem. You don't mind, do you, Pete?"
"No, of course not," he said, straightening up further and clearly resolving not to care. "Why should I?"
"Precisely."
He fidgeted slightly. "Remus... what's it like?"
"And let's go back in the classroom," I said loudly. There were voices coming nearer and I wasn't going to risk anything, for Remus' sake.
We retreated and Peter repeated his question. It was one I had often considered asking Moony myself, but had never really liked to. It seemed a little... callous. But I was intrigued to hear the answer.
Remus considered. "Painful," he said. "Scary. It's like... it's like I know what I'm doing half the time, but I'm incapable to stop it. I have the reflexes, instincts and largely thoughts of an animal, a dangerous one, but I still have flashes of human sense, and that's the most horrible bit. And lonely. Shut up in the Shrieking Shack, with no company... it really shoots home. All I want to do is bite, and maybe... kill... and all I can do is scratch myself, the furniture... and howl. No wonder people think that ruddy hut is haunted. The frustration of being trapped is just like human loneliness. It really gets to you."
"But couldn't one of us come and keep you company?" I nearly choked at the stupidity of Peter's question. Moony's eyes widened in terror.
"Don't you dare!" he said savagely.
"What? Why?"
"I'd kill myself if I killed anyone. Particularly one of my friends."
"But you wouldn't, if it was one of us. Would you?"
"Peter, you clearly don't understand. I might sometimes have flashes of humanity, but my actions are that of an animal. An animal that lives to kill. No human can control a werewolf."
"Can't anything?"
"Only an animal."
"We could become animals," Peter said excitedly.
"How?" I said impatiently.
"There's Polyjuice Potion. I heard Sirius saying we could try that to play a prank on Snape."
"You can't change into an animal using that. It's dangerous - only half transformations, and often permanent. No go, I'm afraid."
We were each waiting for the other to speak
"Sorry, Remus..." Peter said at last.
"Sorry for what?"
"Sorry for... for you."
We were all silent.
The conversation had re-awakened my desire to find a way to help Remus. I sat in the common room, my arm draped casually around a second year called Sophie Cackle's shoulder, glancing through the index of my Defence against the Dark Arts text book. There was nothing in there about werewolves, nor in the Transfiguration, Charms or Care of Magical Creatures books. I had found a potion to make transformations less painful, but apparently Madam Pomfrey had tried that and it hadn't helped Remus.
"Although I suspect it didn't work because she added honey to it when she smelt it," he said, ironically.
Sirius and I, who had perked up when we heard that it had been attempted, flopped back down to the books. I was only thankful that Sophie wasn't the least interested in what I was reading - she was too busy preening as people watched us sitting together.
To my surprise, and Sirius' too, I think, it was Professor McGonagall herself who gave us the answer. "Today," she said, a couple of weeks later, "we are going to learn something new. It will not feature in the exam, and it is not something you would ordinarily learn at this age, but I have decided we will go into in a light-hearted way, because it is a subject that most enjoy and you have worked hard. We are going to take a quick look at Animagi."
Animagi... now where had I seen, or heard, of that before? As Professor McGonagall turned into a tabby cat with a small pop, I dropped my pen in excitement. This was it! This was what we needed!
Sirius, next to me, shot up in his seat. "James!" he muttered.
I nodded vigorously. Remus, too, had leaned forward slightly. Peter, of course, had not considered the relevance of this.
It was the first lesson that we had visibly been interested in, I think, since starting school. Professor McGonagall was clearly pleased. "Why, this was a good idea," she said dryly. "Even Potter and Black seem to be listening for once. Amazing!"
We tried not to look too concerned, in order for nothing to seem suspicious, but still, I was scribbling notes in my as yet unused rough book. Beside me, Sirius was doing the same.
There were several problems. To start with, you had to register with the Ministry of Magic - and how likely were they to accept three fourteen year olds' applications? It was one of the most complex spells there were in the wizarding world, and that was saying something. It was highly dangerous, too... but surely we could do it?
"So what did you get down?" I asked Sirius quietly at lunch.
He showed me his sheet of parchment, and I handed him mine. We had a few different details, but otherwise there was not much variance. "So what do you reckon?" he said.
"I think it'd be brilliant. Imagine, being able to change into an animal at will! Quite apart from being able to keep Moony company..."
"I wonder what we'd be," Sirius mused dreamily.
I nodded. "Snape'd be a snake."
"No - an ant."
I sniggered. "But you and me... I dunno."
"A lion?"
"I hope not, that'd attract way too much attention!"
"How about a hawk, or something, then?"
I pulled a face. "Boring. I'd hate to be a bird. Or a fish. How about a cat?"
"Too feminine. I'd not mind being a big cat, but being a little kitty cat... urgh."
Remus leaned over. "What are you talking about?"
"What animal we'd like to be."
His eyes narrowed. "You're not still considering that, are you?"
"Why not?"
"Look, you'll never get permission to register."
"So? We've broken rules before," Sirius said.
"You mean you'd do it - unregistered?"
"Yeah. Why not?"
"Because - because - it's dangerous! It's - for God's sake, it's illegal! You could be put in Azkaban! At the very least expelled."
Peter leaned in now. "What's going on?"
"They want to be Animagi!"
Peter looked hurt. "I guess I'm not good enough."
"No, no," I said quickly. "You too. All three of us. It'd be perfect. We could keep Remus company and it'd be seriously cool."
Moony glared at me. "No, it would not be. I'd rather things stayed as they are than have you lot risk your lives for me."
"Nobody's going to risk their life," Sirius said impatiently. "Look, we'll do some research, and if it's really that dangerous then we won't do it. Of course there are... complications... but James, you and I are the best wizards in the year - perhaps in the school."
"Not me. You and James, maybe. I'm only good at Defence against the Dark Arts."
"You're good at most things. Maybe you only excel at Defence, but all the same, you'll be able to help us. Look, James is amazing at Transfiguration - even McGonagall says so, and she wouldn't if it wasn't true. We'll have no problems."
Remus sighed. "It's still illegal. If you're found out..."
"You of all people should know that it's hard to be found out, Remus. And Sirius and I can be careful."
"Well..."
"And it would be great for you."
"Yes. Yes, it would, but..."
"Well then. We can research it, especially over the summer, and then decide if we want to go ahead with it in autumn. Come on, Moony. We won't do it without your approval."
"Oh, very well. You're clearly desperate. But just remember, I'm not counting on this. If it looks too difficult or dangerous, just forget it."
"Yes, Remus," Sirius said, mock solemnly.
"Shove off," Rem laughed, good humour restored. Only Peter now looked anxious.
"What's wrong, Pete?"
"Nothing," he said quickly. "I just... well, if it's so difficult... I'm just worried I won't be able to do it."
"We'll help you," I promised. "And if you can't, then it won't be so bad. It is rare to be able to. Just think how you'll feel if you do manage it!"
He began to smile. "Yeah..."
"Exactly. And we won't get caught," I said confidently. "Just think, we'll be able to do what we like when nobody can tell who we are."
"If," Remus amended. "Not when."
"When," I corrected back. "When."
B/N: So now you can feel free to review. Go on . That lovely blue/purple button is calling to you. You know you want to... Surrender to the urge. Indulge yourself. REVIEW!!!
Chapter 13 (is that unlucky?)
One evening in late April, when I was testing Peter in preparation for the end of years, although they were still weeks away, he suddenly sat up purposefully and said, "James?"
"Yes?"
"Where's Remus?"
"Remus?" It was full moon, and Moony had vanished as usual after dinner. I no longer really took note of his disappearances - they were just a part of life that made little difference to me. I occasionally remembered my wish to help him, but slowly that had trickled away as it seemed less and less likely that a solution would be found. It had never occurred to me that Peter might wonder where Remus went - in fact, it had neither occurred to me that he would even notice, nor that he would not have been told. Now I was stuck as to what to do. Presumably the fact that Peter did not know meant that Remus did not want him to, but why? Peter was as much a part of our group as any of us, by now, and although he wasn't as popular as the rest of us, his grades had improved and he had blossomed since joining us. He was just as keen on pranks as Sirius, Remus and I, and he was more happy to torture Snape than Remus was. Well, at least he was happy to watch. It was Sirius and I that had enough power and skill to do the hexing and jinxing - but it was good fun to have a supporter. "I hadn't noticed he was gone," I said at last.
"But he disappears so often."
"Yes, I suppose he does. I don't really think about it," I said, half- truthfully.
"Hmm."
I questioned him next time I saw him alone. "Moony, why haven't you told Peter about... well, your being Moony?"
Remus glanced around us warily and shrugged. "I just... I don't know. I thought it was best if as few people knew as possible. I didn't think he'd notice anything."
"He is one of our group."
"Yes... yes, I know. But -"
"Do you mind if I tell him?"
Remus frowned. "If he must know, then I'll tell him myself."
"OK. Then tell him. He'll find out somehow."
"Do you really think so?"
I sniggered, but then stopped. "He might."
"All right, then. But what if he tells everyone?"
"He won't. Look, I tell you what, I'll be on hand with a memory charm, if he takes it badly. Then nothing need matter."
Remus smiled. "You never give up, do you, James?"
We decided to wait until after the next Quidditch match, Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, which we won. It seemed that we could win the Cup again, if we only beat Hufflepuff. And that wouldn't be hard, no matter what Geoff said. I knew he was desperate to win the Cup this year, as it was his last year as Gryffindor seeker, and that he didn't want to tempt fate by being blasé. Still, the rest of us were quietly confident, despite his tension at our high spirits.
"Do I really have to tell him?" Remus whined as I accompanied him to the same empty classroom where he had told Sirius and I that he was a werewolf.
"Yes, if you truly want to call him a friend. He should already be here, I'll wait outside. Remember, the signal is - ?"
"'You're a rat'," Remus repeated. "OK. And you're sure you can do a short, but long enough, memory charm?"
"Yes! Look, how many times have I practised on poor Sirius?"
"I don't remember. There were those few that misfired."
I chuckled. "They didn't misfire. I was just giving Si a break. Relax, Rem. It'll be fine."
Sure enough, there were no shouts of 'You're a rat!' and no Peters hurling themselves out of the classroom, ready to tell the world. Fifteen minutes passed before Remus emerged with a slightly pale-faced Peter.
"And you mustn't tell anyone, remember."
Peter nodded. "I know. Hey, James, what are you doing here?"
"I was told you'd been seen coming in here," I said, as planned. "What's up?"
Remus pulled a face. "I've been telling Peter," he parroted. "About... you know."
I acted amazed. "Well done, Rem. You don't mind, do you, Pete?"
"No, of course not," he said, straightening up further and clearly resolving not to care. "Why should I?"
"Precisely."
He fidgeted slightly. "Remus... what's it like?"
"And let's go back in the classroom," I said loudly. There were voices coming nearer and I wasn't going to risk anything, for Remus' sake.
We retreated and Peter repeated his question. It was one I had often considered asking Moony myself, but had never really liked to. It seemed a little... callous. But I was intrigued to hear the answer.
Remus considered. "Painful," he said. "Scary. It's like... it's like I know what I'm doing half the time, but I'm incapable to stop it. I have the reflexes, instincts and largely thoughts of an animal, a dangerous one, but I still have flashes of human sense, and that's the most horrible bit. And lonely. Shut up in the Shrieking Shack, with no company... it really shoots home. All I want to do is bite, and maybe... kill... and all I can do is scratch myself, the furniture... and howl. No wonder people think that ruddy hut is haunted. The frustration of being trapped is just like human loneliness. It really gets to you."
"But couldn't one of us come and keep you company?" I nearly choked at the stupidity of Peter's question. Moony's eyes widened in terror.
"Don't you dare!" he said savagely.
"What? Why?"
"I'd kill myself if I killed anyone. Particularly one of my friends."
"But you wouldn't, if it was one of us. Would you?"
"Peter, you clearly don't understand. I might sometimes have flashes of humanity, but my actions are that of an animal. An animal that lives to kill. No human can control a werewolf."
"Can't anything?"
"Only an animal."
"We could become animals," Peter said excitedly.
"How?" I said impatiently.
"There's Polyjuice Potion. I heard Sirius saying we could try that to play a prank on Snape."
"You can't change into an animal using that. It's dangerous - only half transformations, and often permanent. No go, I'm afraid."
We were each waiting for the other to speak
"Sorry, Remus..." Peter said at last.
"Sorry for what?"
"Sorry for... for you."
We were all silent.
The conversation had re-awakened my desire to find a way to help Remus. I sat in the common room, my arm draped casually around a second year called Sophie Cackle's shoulder, glancing through the index of my Defence against the Dark Arts text book. There was nothing in there about werewolves, nor in the Transfiguration, Charms or Care of Magical Creatures books. I had found a potion to make transformations less painful, but apparently Madam Pomfrey had tried that and it hadn't helped Remus.
"Although I suspect it didn't work because she added honey to it when she smelt it," he said, ironically.
Sirius and I, who had perked up when we heard that it had been attempted, flopped back down to the books. I was only thankful that Sophie wasn't the least interested in what I was reading - she was too busy preening as people watched us sitting together.
To my surprise, and Sirius' too, I think, it was Professor McGonagall herself who gave us the answer. "Today," she said, a couple of weeks later, "we are going to learn something new. It will not feature in the exam, and it is not something you would ordinarily learn at this age, but I have decided we will go into in a light-hearted way, because it is a subject that most enjoy and you have worked hard. We are going to take a quick look at Animagi."
Animagi... now where had I seen, or heard, of that before? As Professor McGonagall turned into a tabby cat with a small pop, I dropped my pen in excitement. This was it! This was what we needed!
Sirius, next to me, shot up in his seat. "James!" he muttered.
I nodded vigorously. Remus, too, had leaned forward slightly. Peter, of course, had not considered the relevance of this.
It was the first lesson that we had visibly been interested in, I think, since starting school. Professor McGonagall was clearly pleased. "Why, this was a good idea," she said dryly. "Even Potter and Black seem to be listening for once. Amazing!"
We tried not to look too concerned, in order for nothing to seem suspicious, but still, I was scribbling notes in my as yet unused rough book. Beside me, Sirius was doing the same.
There were several problems. To start with, you had to register with the Ministry of Magic - and how likely were they to accept three fourteen year olds' applications? It was one of the most complex spells there were in the wizarding world, and that was saying something. It was highly dangerous, too... but surely we could do it?
"So what did you get down?" I asked Sirius quietly at lunch.
He showed me his sheet of parchment, and I handed him mine. We had a few different details, but otherwise there was not much variance. "So what do you reckon?" he said.
"I think it'd be brilliant. Imagine, being able to change into an animal at will! Quite apart from being able to keep Moony company..."
"I wonder what we'd be," Sirius mused dreamily.
I nodded. "Snape'd be a snake."
"No - an ant."
I sniggered. "But you and me... I dunno."
"A lion?"
"I hope not, that'd attract way too much attention!"
"How about a hawk, or something, then?"
I pulled a face. "Boring. I'd hate to be a bird. Or a fish. How about a cat?"
"Too feminine. I'd not mind being a big cat, but being a little kitty cat... urgh."
Remus leaned over. "What are you talking about?"
"What animal we'd like to be."
His eyes narrowed. "You're not still considering that, are you?"
"Why not?"
"Look, you'll never get permission to register."
"So? We've broken rules before," Sirius said.
"You mean you'd do it - unregistered?"
"Yeah. Why not?"
"Because - because - it's dangerous! It's - for God's sake, it's illegal! You could be put in Azkaban! At the very least expelled."
Peter leaned in now. "What's going on?"
"They want to be Animagi!"
Peter looked hurt. "I guess I'm not good enough."
"No, no," I said quickly. "You too. All three of us. It'd be perfect. We could keep Remus company and it'd be seriously cool."
Moony glared at me. "No, it would not be. I'd rather things stayed as they are than have you lot risk your lives for me."
"Nobody's going to risk their life," Sirius said impatiently. "Look, we'll do some research, and if it's really that dangerous then we won't do it. Of course there are... complications... but James, you and I are the best wizards in the year - perhaps in the school."
"Not me. You and James, maybe. I'm only good at Defence against the Dark Arts."
"You're good at most things. Maybe you only excel at Defence, but all the same, you'll be able to help us. Look, James is amazing at Transfiguration - even McGonagall says so, and she wouldn't if it wasn't true. We'll have no problems."
Remus sighed. "It's still illegal. If you're found out..."
"You of all people should know that it's hard to be found out, Remus. And Sirius and I can be careful."
"Well..."
"And it would be great for you."
"Yes. Yes, it would, but..."
"Well then. We can research it, especially over the summer, and then decide if we want to go ahead with it in autumn. Come on, Moony. We won't do it without your approval."
"Oh, very well. You're clearly desperate. But just remember, I'm not counting on this. If it looks too difficult or dangerous, just forget it."
"Yes, Remus," Sirius said, mock solemnly.
"Shove off," Rem laughed, good humour restored. Only Peter now looked anxious.
"What's wrong, Pete?"
"Nothing," he said quickly. "I just... well, if it's so difficult... I'm just worried I won't be able to do it."
"We'll help you," I promised. "And if you can't, then it won't be so bad. It is rare to be able to. Just think how you'll feel if you do manage it!"
He began to smile. "Yeah..."
"Exactly. And we won't get caught," I said confidently. "Just think, we'll be able to do what we like when nobody can tell who we are."
"If," Remus amended. "Not when."
"When," I corrected back. "When."
B/N: So now you can feel free to review. Go on . That lovely blue/purple button is calling to you. You know you want to... Surrender to the urge. Indulge yourself. REVIEW!!!