Nu-uh, still not mine. Major ooc-ness, esp. on the part of Nakago. I
apologize in advance for this chapter, I love angst. I'm following the
advice of one of my reviewers. N: = Nakago, T: = Tomo
N: I slip my right arm into my armor. What's this? A letter? I open it tremulously. Dear Nakago,
You fell asleep so I tucked you in and went back to my room. How 'bout we try again at midnight? I loved it when you talked about your mother, she must have been great. I wish I could have met your mother. I wish I could have met mine for that matter. Oh well, love you. I'll see you later.
Tomo.
I sigh and put the letter in to my dressing table drawer. I finish dressing. As soon as I leave my room, Tomo and Soi appear bickering as usual. I quickly turn away and stride down the hall to prevent myself from punching Soi and kissing Tomo. I hear Tomo hiss in pain and turn to see him slash Soi's face with his nails while holding his cheek. "Stop that!" I command, angry that Soi would dare attack Tomo. "If you can't act like adults I will have to send you both to separate ends of the kingdom. Maybe put you in the border guards. They could certainly use more people. Now apologize!" I yell. "Sorry." Mutters Soi. "I'm sorry that you were disturbed by my behavior, Soi. I shall endeavor to be more pleasing in the future." Replies Tomo, pompously. I can't help it; I burst out laughing. They just looked at me, puzzled by my strange behavior. "You...are...dismissed." I wheeze. "Oh, Tomo, I have an assignment for you. Soi, you are confined to your quarters until I call for you, including meals." I wait until Soi disappears around the corner before I pull Tomo into my room. I close the door and push him up against it, kissing him roughly. "What's my...assignment?" Tomo gasps out. "Mmm." I snuggle closer to him. "You are to tend to me, in whatever manner I request..." I say, pulling him into another kiss. "Hmm, I think I'll like this assignment." He replies. I smile secretively.
T: What's he planning? He's smiling like the cat that ate the canary. I run my hand through his hair and he purrs. PURRS! He never does that! It's even stranger then his laughing. I frown suddenly. "What's wrong?" He asks. "Nothing." I say. I think that he is letting his guard down just for me. With no masks, he's as charming as he is beautiful. I kiss him, demanding with my lips. He responds and our tongues fight for dominance. I let him win. I prefer not to take the lead, though I could quite easily. Even when... that... happened I just let them take the lead and didn't fight back, knowing almost subconsciously that they would hurt me more if I fought. I can't tell him about it, though I long to. I have a feeling that our pasts are remarkably similar, especially if the looks the emperor sometimes gives him are anything to go by. I wonder how old he was when he was brought here, how old he was when his mother died. "How old were you?" I murmur inadvertently. "How old was I when?" he asks carefully. I blush with humiliation, knowing I can't just brush the question into the background, knowing I'll have to tell him my secret. I turn my face away, unable to look him in the eyes. "How old were you when the emperor stole your innocence?" I mumble. "How old were you when he took your virginity?" I look at him, finally. He looks like I just slapped him.
N: How did he know about that? Who told him? I'll kill them. I never wanted to be reminded of why I vowed to never be weak again. "How do you know about that? Who told you? I'll kill them!" I say angrily. He's scared; I can see it in his eyes though he's desperately trying to hide it. "No one told me, I figured it out on my own. I know what to look for. You aren't the only one whose innocence was stolen from them." He replies tremulously, tears sliding down his face. I'm shocked. My beautiful love had his innocence ripped away? I must kill whoever did this horrible thing! "Tell me who did this and I swear, I'll kill them." He smiles sadly. "You're too late," he says gently. "I killed them already. Didn't you ever wonder what happened to the rest of my troupe? Why I was the only one still alive? I wasn't safe with either the men or the women, all used me. When you're a child and you join a troupe you're free game for anyone who wants you and the best that you can hope for is that you'll earn enough that day to earn a bowl of rice at the evening meal." I'm even more shocked then I was before. Women raping? Not being the protector, like my own mother? The idea is too horrible to contemplate. I look away and then back at Tomo. He's crying and I feel tears start to slide down my face. We embrace and comfort each other, one raped orphan to another, in ways no one else would understand. "I'm so sorry" I murmur. "It's not your fault, you didn't know." He whispers back. Slowly we pull apart. "I was ten." I say in answer to his question. "I was seven." He replied.
T: I can't believe I just told him my secret, the secret I didn't want anyone to know, especially not him. Somehow it surprises me that he didn't know already. At least he'll understand when I pull away in the middle of our passion like a frightened animal. I lean in to kiss him and...*knock knock* "Nakago-sama! The emperor requests your presence immediately!" I sigh and pull back.
N: I slip my right arm into my armor. What's this? A letter? I open it tremulously. Dear Nakago,
You fell asleep so I tucked you in and went back to my room. How 'bout we try again at midnight? I loved it when you talked about your mother, she must have been great. I wish I could have met your mother. I wish I could have met mine for that matter. Oh well, love you. I'll see you later.
Tomo.
I sigh and put the letter in to my dressing table drawer. I finish dressing. As soon as I leave my room, Tomo and Soi appear bickering as usual. I quickly turn away and stride down the hall to prevent myself from punching Soi and kissing Tomo. I hear Tomo hiss in pain and turn to see him slash Soi's face with his nails while holding his cheek. "Stop that!" I command, angry that Soi would dare attack Tomo. "If you can't act like adults I will have to send you both to separate ends of the kingdom. Maybe put you in the border guards. They could certainly use more people. Now apologize!" I yell. "Sorry." Mutters Soi. "I'm sorry that you were disturbed by my behavior, Soi. I shall endeavor to be more pleasing in the future." Replies Tomo, pompously. I can't help it; I burst out laughing. They just looked at me, puzzled by my strange behavior. "You...are...dismissed." I wheeze. "Oh, Tomo, I have an assignment for you. Soi, you are confined to your quarters until I call for you, including meals." I wait until Soi disappears around the corner before I pull Tomo into my room. I close the door and push him up against it, kissing him roughly. "What's my...assignment?" Tomo gasps out. "Mmm." I snuggle closer to him. "You are to tend to me, in whatever manner I request..." I say, pulling him into another kiss. "Hmm, I think I'll like this assignment." He replies. I smile secretively.
T: What's he planning? He's smiling like the cat that ate the canary. I run my hand through his hair and he purrs. PURRS! He never does that! It's even stranger then his laughing. I frown suddenly. "What's wrong?" He asks. "Nothing." I say. I think that he is letting his guard down just for me. With no masks, he's as charming as he is beautiful. I kiss him, demanding with my lips. He responds and our tongues fight for dominance. I let him win. I prefer not to take the lead, though I could quite easily. Even when... that... happened I just let them take the lead and didn't fight back, knowing almost subconsciously that they would hurt me more if I fought. I can't tell him about it, though I long to. I have a feeling that our pasts are remarkably similar, especially if the looks the emperor sometimes gives him are anything to go by. I wonder how old he was when he was brought here, how old he was when his mother died. "How old were you?" I murmur inadvertently. "How old was I when?" he asks carefully. I blush with humiliation, knowing I can't just brush the question into the background, knowing I'll have to tell him my secret. I turn my face away, unable to look him in the eyes. "How old were you when the emperor stole your innocence?" I mumble. "How old were you when he took your virginity?" I look at him, finally. He looks like I just slapped him.
N: How did he know about that? Who told him? I'll kill them. I never wanted to be reminded of why I vowed to never be weak again. "How do you know about that? Who told you? I'll kill them!" I say angrily. He's scared; I can see it in his eyes though he's desperately trying to hide it. "No one told me, I figured it out on my own. I know what to look for. You aren't the only one whose innocence was stolen from them." He replies tremulously, tears sliding down his face. I'm shocked. My beautiful love had his innocence ripped away? I must kill whoever did this horrible thing! "Tell me who did this and I swear, I'll kill them." He smiles sadly. "You're too late," he says gently. "I killed them already. Didn't you ever wonder what happened to the rest of my troupe? Why I was the only one still alive? I wasn't safe with either the men or the women, all used me. When you're a child and you join a troupe you're free game for anyone who wants you and the best that you can hope for is that you'll earn enough that day to earn a bowl of rice at the evening meal." I'm even more shocked then I was before. Women raping? Not being the protector, like my own mother? The idea is too horrible to contemplate. I look away and then back at Tomo. He's crying and I feel tears start to slide down my face. We embrace and comfort each other, one raped orphan to another, in ways no one else would understand. "I'm so sorry" I murmur. "It's not your fault, you didn't know." He whispers back. Slowly we pull apart. "I was ten." I say in answer to his question. "I was seven." He replied.
T: I can't believe I just told him my secret, the secret I didn't want anyone to know, especially not him. Somehow it surprises me that he didn't know already. At least he'll understand when I pull away in the middle of our passion like a frightened animal. I lean in to kiss him and...*knock knock* "Nakago-sama! The emperor requests your presence immediately!" I sigh and pull back.