:*:*:*:*:*:*:
A/N and Disclaimer: Okay, I don't know where this is going. At all. And just so I don't get in trouble, the song referred to in this chapter is "Broken Sound" by A New Found Glory. If you ever get the chance to listen to it, it's short and sweet. I love it. Anyway, off to the middle of nowhere!
P.S. For all of you who are watching season ten right now, I'll bet you've been exasperated to know what in the world was on Carter's letter to Abby... WELL, if you go to nbc.com and look for the ER part of the web site (or it might still be on the front page), you'll see a feature that lets you read that letter! GO TO IT! You know you should. It's really informative. But Crichton is making me sad... where's Noah? *melodramatic tear* It's the only place besides TNT and Blockbuster that I get to see him do his fabulous acting. Anyway, read that, and if you don't have access to it and you review, then maybe I could post it somewhere, but I'd rather not since it's kind of uh, COPYRIGHTED (no plagiarism here). And thanks for the reviews, speaking of which! You guys are kickin'!
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
CHAPTER TWELVE
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
CLICK.
("I wake up... something more than what I'm supposed to be... something more than I have meant to show... how was I supposed to know that I've wanted... and I've waited?")
There was a rustling from under a large, blue comforter on a wooden bed. Carter's hair stood, then bounced back into place as he pulled the blanket down to reveal his face. He blinked softly at the small amount of light from the sun at his window, then smiled and rubbed his eyes. He jolted when he heard a suddenly loud noise.
("And I can be the one to tell you that I've held this back for too long.")
Carter listened an acoustic guitar turn electric as he woke up enough to realize that the sound was blaring from his own clock radio.
("And my heart aches... these feelings I've held inside for you.")
He rolled over, his face buried in his pillow, to shut off his alarm. The music stopped, and his arm fell off the night stand. He knew that it was nine o'clock, he didn't need big red numbers to remind him. It was a Saturday that he would have to spend at work, but that didn't bother him in the slightest. He had gotten a full night's sleep. Carter had stayed in the ER with Abby the night she was under observation, and had a few restless nights since then. He didn't know why. All he did know was that he had slept deeply the entire night, and that it was definitely a good thing.
Carter stretched, then slowly made his way out of bed and to his closet, for he had predetermined what he was going to wear the night before. He had a good feeling about the short term future of his day. But once more, he did not know why.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
There Abby sat, her legs curled under her on her couch, watching the morning news (which was somewhat fatally, yet unsurprisingly boring). She had the remote on the arm of the couch, a coffee-filled mug in one hand, and a nearly full Cheez-It box on the coffee table. It was about nine thirty the newsroom's clock told her, and she had been up since about seven o'clock to take a shower and get dressed. This was far too much time, but she had moved slowly. She didn't start her shift for another hour yet.
"Are they trying to bore us to death?" she asked the television. She then set down her coffee and took the remote and Cheez-It box. She didn't really want the little cheese crackers, but there was really nothing else that had interested her. She flipped through the channels, trying to find something... anything... to take her out of her misery that was boredom. The channels changed quickly, but Abby could still tell what she was seeing. It seemed as though the television was ridiculing her with irony. She slowed down her channel-flipping, in hopes of finding something. Everything she saw seemed to pertain to her. She slowed down again. With every channel, she thought about something. That something soon turned into a someone. A co-worker. A friend. Carter. It was just a bit eerie to her how televisions seem to be psychic. She changed the channel again, then stopped. She wasn't listening, only watching. Two people, a man and a woman, were conversing.
"Oh stop it," she told her television. It seemed to be staring at her.
The two people stared at each other.
"Oh come on!" she whined to the screen. She was mad at the television now, so she did the most childish thing she could think of. She threw a Cheez- It. It landed just a few inches short of the screen.
Abby looked at her right hand in an odd amusement, soaking in the fact that she had just flung an orange cracker at her television screen. She laughed lightly. It was fun.
She watched as the two people stared into each other's eyes, then whipped another cracker. This time, it made it to the screen, then broke into little bits and pieces of orange debris. She laughed again.
The actors walked toward each other, smiling.
Another Cheez-It rocketed to the screen. 'Not fair, I only have crackers!' she thought.
"Don't even..." she told the actors, who obviously couldn't hear her.
The music kicked in as the two locked lips... it was a little more than a stage kiss, and Abby lost it... just for a few seconds, but a few seconds was time enough for what came next.
The red box went flying. It spun in the air as the orange pieces flew out and rained down on the television. It was raining Cheez-Its.
Abby watched in a shocked expression as the crackers landed. She was silent.
"Whoa."
Then she laughed once more as she went to her vacuum to clean the now lying objects that were strewn across her room.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
It wasn't until about quarter of ten that Carter was rushing around when he remembered that his shift started at ten thirty. He was only a half- hour off by thinking he started at ten o'clock sharp, but he was okay by that. He had another short amount of time to himself... but what to do with it?
Carter fumbled with his coat as he went downstairs and out the door of his apartment building. It was a bit warmer than the previous days, but not by much. He stood outside, watching his breath steam in front of him. He then decided he was going to go to where he had parked his Jeep when he heard a slight crunching sound. He looked down to see what he had stepped on... snow. There wasn't much of it, but it was there. When Carter got to the door of his Jeep (which was now much easier because there was no ice to slip on), he reached into his pocket, where miraculously, his keys still were. He unlocked the door, opened it quickly, and sat as he slammed the door next to him. He put the key in the ignition quickly and turned it. Cool air shot out of the vents, but by the time it got to his face, it had warmed. He smiled at the nice little feature. He put the Jeep in gear and drove until he reached the third big intersection in the road.
"Hmm." Short and sweet. That was all he said to the intersection before turning onto a different road than normal. It was somewhat of a small road, and doubled as his shortcut to the El. He was feeling lucky.
At the train station, crowds of people flocked to the ten o'clock platform. Carter joined a small crowd near what was going to be the back of the train. He glanced at his watch. There would be a two-minute lapsing of time until the El would come into the station. He stood for a little while, picking up pieces of unwanted information from other conversations. With what he got, he could make up a fun little story. Simply to amuse himself, he tuned in the conversation to his direct left, front, and direct right, and he got an odd combination. To further amuse himself, he put the general ideas of each conversation together to make a rather uninviting mental picture. It turned out to be something to the air of a Sheepdog getting neutered with a side of a buzz cut at the local laundromat (which, by the way, had a defective dryer.). He wiped the image away and decided to amuse himself with the odd-looking people at the nearest waiting area.
There was nothing for poor, childish Carter to look at. That was, until, he saw a familiar figure waving at him with a familiar hand.
"Hey, Abby!" he yelled across the station. The three conversing groups (plus a few more) turned to look at him (like HE was the nutsy one).
Abby's face turned a hue of red. "Hey, Carter!" she called back, but was cut off by the sound of the El pulling in.
As the doors parted, Carter struggled to keep his footing as he shoved with the rest of the crowd. Once he was successfully on the train, he didn't bother to find a seat. He was too occupied with finding Abby. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't in the last car like he had thought. He had somehow been pushed to the side and wound up on a completely different car. Abby, however, was still in the back.
"Oh," he whined. More people looked at him as though he were a lost and complaining child. Carter smiled sheepishly at these people, then, with some sort of a miracle, found a seat. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes to the vibrating of the window.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
The El pulled into the station in the heart of the hectic part of Chicago (though there are many), waking Carter from his doze. By now his head was slumped to the left and the strap to his bag was around his waist rather than his shoulder. He blinked at the light, then rose from his seat, hoping that no one had been watching him while he slept. This was a bit of paranoia kicking in on his part. As he began to walk away, he stumbled and fell forward, grabbing at the nearest metal pole. He broke his own fall, then looked down. His bag had fallen around his ankles and was now wrapped around them. He sat back down and undid the bag, feeling more eyes lay upon him as he did so.
Carter rushed out the door, shoving and apologizing to a few people. He looked around. He was obviously right behind Abby. He ran to the staircase that led to the sidewalk and into the County streets. Carter took another look around. Still no Abby. At the pace he was going, he surely could have caught up to her... or passed her. So he decided to wait. He was obviously right in front of Abby. He waited some more. Nothing. No sign of Abby. Carter turned his wrist then looked at his watch. He had a few minutes. He slowed down his pace and just walked. He was watching the ground for ice, and there seemed to be none. This was a good sign for him. Trudging along through the inch or so of fresh snow that was left on the sidewalk, Carter found himself strangely in a good mood. So he hummed.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
The figure of a trudging Carter, dragging his soggy feet, staring at the ground, came striding into the ER. It was a peculiar sight however, for he looked extremely downtrodden, but oddly, he had a smile wiped across his face and he was singing to himself the song he had heard on the radio earlier. He had forgotten that he had only heard the song once or twice, but he somehow managed to remember the lyrics.
"Carter!" Mark called to him.
"H-hey!" Carter called back, displaying a smile and a laugh.
"What's wrong, kind of? You uh, right?" Mark asked in general.
"Yea," Carter answered wholeheartedly and misunderstanding the question slightly. "I'm great. I slept last night."
"You look it," Mark commented with a smile.
"Thanks."
Carter got another greeting as he continued his journey to the lockers. It was Jing-Mei.
"Hey Carter you look... well, you don't look like hell," she said.
"Uh, thanks. I guess," Carter responded humorously.
"I'm kidding. You look... awake! Now isn't that a sight for sore eyes."
"Yea. I slept really great last night. It was nice!" Carter said almost in an eighties high school voice.
"Glad to hear it," she said with meaning.
"Glad to live it," Carter admitted, then entered the locker room.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
"Hey Carter, there's a fourteen-year-old in curtain three waiting for you," Yosh said, breaking Carter from a daze. He was still looking for Abby. He had seen her, but only for a few seconds, and they had no chance to talk.
"Oh, thanks Yosh," Carter said gratefully. He then headed down the hall.
Checking the chart, Carter walked to curtain three where he found a dark blonde, green-eyed, fourteen-year-old girl looking at him. He hesitated slightly, then walked in.
"Hi, my name's Doctor John Carter. So, what happened to you?" he asked, just to start a conversation.
"Um, it's actually kind of embarrassing," she admitted.
"Well, you're going to have to tell me sooner or later... Marie," Carter informed her, looking at the chart still.
"Okay. You really, really want the truth?"
Carter nodded.
Marie sighed. "Okay, I was at the top of this flight of steps, about to go down and go home from school with my friends, right? When out of no where, I just lose my balance and WHOOSH! Down I went. It was really... Ow! Cool it, Long Duck Tong," she said, interrupting herself and looking at Yosh, who was amused. "Oh God, I'm REALLY sorry. I didn't mean that, it's just that, well... you remind me of, oh forget it."
"That's all right," Yosh said understandingly as he wrapped her arm in an ACE bandage.
"So anyway," she finished, "I fell down a flight of steps for no apparent reason."
"No dizziness?" Carter asked.
"Nope."
"All right, I know this is kind of an annoying question, but are you on any kind of drugs?"
"What?" she asked, looking offended, but only slightly. "No! Never! Only, uh... ffff..."
"It starts with an 'F'?" Carter asked, afraid to death that the next letter would be something like 'E'.
"Yea, fff... feh, feh..."
"F-E-N?" Carter asked nervously. 'Here it comes,' he thought. 'Fentanyl.' Why he thought that, he had no clue. It was completely outrageous and impossible for a fourteen-year-old to get her hands on something like that.
"Feh, Fexofenadine! That's it!"
Carter sighed in relief. "Oh, okay. Allergies?"
"Horribly."
"Anything else?" Carter asked, still a little bit shaken.
"Uh, no. Nope," Marie said quickly.
Carter wasn't convinced anymore. "Yosh? Could you get a, uh, CBC and a tox screen? Wipe out any traces of Fexofenadine?"
"Sure," Yosh said with a smile, then left.
"You don't believe me?" she asked. Carter looked at her. "I know what those things mean. I'm not stupid. Straight A's. I may be clumsy, but I'm definitely not stupid. And I'm NOT a druggie. I don't know why anyone would be."
Carter knew he was going to flush red if he didn't get out of there. "Standard procedure," he mumbled, then turned around.
"Yep," Marie said behind him. "Oh, and Doctor Carter?"
"Yea," Carter said, turning around.
"Cool hair."
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
Marie rolled over in her sleep, then woke to an audible click. She had felt her free right hand hit something, but she didn't know what it was. She looked to her hand.
"Oh crap." She looked at the call button her hand had smacked, then looked in embarrassment at the entering nurse.
"Is something the matter?" she asked.
"Whoops, sorry, uh... Abby," Marie apologized, squinting at the nametag.
"Oh, that's all right. Things happen. You need anything while I'm here?"
"Not really."
"Okay," Abby said, turning to leave.
"Uh, are you busy?" Marie said after her.
"I was doing rounds, but I'm done now," Abby told her.
"Oh, well if you're busy, forget it."
"No, no. It's okay, what do you need?" Abby wanted to help.
"Nothing, it's just really lonely in here. This room is kind of creepy. Just a creepy air to it, that's all," she said, looking around.
"Welcome to curtain three. So, what's your name?"
"My name's Marie. I fell down the steps." This time she said it with pride.
"Oh boy, that sounds fun. So, uh, how old are you?"
"I'm fourteen. And I'll be celebrating my next birthday by the time those tests get back."
"I'm sorry it's taking so long," Abby apologized.
"No, literally. My birthday is in..." she looked at the clock. "Thirteen minutes."
"Well, happy birthday."
"Thanks. Way to spend a birthday, huh?" There was a minute or so of silence as Marie surveyed the room. "So, what happened?"
"What?" Abby asked, perplexed.
"Something happened in this room, I can tell. That doctor was hesitant on coming in here."
"Who was it?" Abby asked.
"Uh, Carter," she said, not realizing that she had practically used his real name with no doctor preference. "Are you guys friends?"
"Oh, yes." Abby said, genuinely interested.
"So what happened?"
"Oh, uh, that's not really my place to say," Abby said, somewhat gravely.
"Well, I'm going to be here a while. I'd like to know, even if it is something really odd." Marie smiled at her.
"Are you sure? It's pretty gruesome. I'm not sure you want to know."
"I'm sure a scary story can't be worse than seeing your world turn a complete three hundred and sixty degrees three times in less than thirty seconds."
"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Abby warned her.
"I'm ready," Marie said, more interested than ever.
"Well, that guy, Doctor Carter..."
"... the one with the cool hair..."
"... Yes, that one. He uh, had an incident in this room. He was, he had, he had a brush with uh..."
"Death? That the word?" She was whispering.
"Yes. Death would be the word." Abby found that she could barely say it.
"How so?" She continued to whisper.
"A knife. It was Valentine's Day. We were going to cut the cake. No one knew. It was terrible."
Marie looked at her sympathetically. "I'm so sorry. That's not that long ago. It sounds really bad. Was anyone else hurt?"
Abby looked to the other side of the bed, but Marie didn't notice why yet.
"There was someone else, wasn't there? I can tell." Marie knew.
"Yes." She figured she shouldn't try to diverge Marie's attention. "Her name was Lucy. She was a med student here. She uh..."
"Was brushed too hard?"
"Yes."
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I won't say anything."
"It would probably be best not to," Abby advised.
"Thanks. Oh, there he is, right over there!" Marie said, pointing out the window of the door.
Abby's pager conveniently went off. "Oh no," she said. "I've been trying to talk to him all day."
"Good luck."
Carter walked into the room just then, and looked at the odd couple.
"Enjoying yourselves?"
"Yes," they said in unison.
"Sorry Carter, I have to go. My pager..." Abby started.
"Okay, talk to you later then." Abby then left, and Carter turned to Marie. "Your tests were negative. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."
"I know, I'm not a convincing person, unfortunately. And I'm really, really sorry, too."
"For what?"
"Whoops." Marie slapped herself on the head for thinking of the previous subject. She then looked to the other side of her bed, away from Carter, and a sudden shock went fleeting through her. She assumed that that was Lucy's side of the bed, and that where Doctor Carter now stood was his side. She hadn't realized that a somewhat terrified look had swiped over her face.
"You know," Carter whispered.
Marie only nodded. She was too far into her shocked emotion to speak. It had sunken in. She only stared at Carter. Carter sat down next to her on the bed. "I can't believe it. It's just, oh God." She was now looking at her feet. She then turned back to Carter. "But I am really sorry to hear it. Really. It's just, weird to think... that..." She stopped talking.
"It's okay, really," Carter said in a comforting way.
Marie looked warily around the room. Carter moved closer to her and put an arm around her. He was about to suggest that she move, but Marie thought of that first. "I'm staying here, no need to hassle yourself."
"You sure?" Carter was concerned about what must be running through her mind.
"Yea. Could you just, uh, stay here for another minute or so?"
Carter smiled. "Sure."
Marie smiled back. "Thanks. You're a really good doctor, you know that Doctor Carter?"
"Thanks. You can call me Carter, Abby does."
"Thanks Carter."
Carter felt suddenly happy from that small compliment, and a bit surprised to think that Abby felt that she should tell his patient about what had happened. He suddenly realized how often people had really thought about it. He then remembered back to a few minutes ago. "Hey, you have cool hair, too."
Marie laughed a little. "Not bad for a fight with gravity, huh? Thanks." She was quiet for a little bit. "I'm sorry, but I have to say something. You two would make a good couple. You seem to get along really well."
"Who, me and Doctor Lockheart?"
"Yea, you and Abby."
They smiled to each other, but Carter wasn't sure exactly which emotion he was trying to express. This was strange. Everyone saw it, but it seemed like Abby didn't. He was out of the loop, the infinite loop that he had started.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
Just a few minutes after Marie had fallen asleep next to Carter, who had taken it upon himself to stay so long, he quietly rose and left the room, muting the door behind him. When he stepped out, he looked back in to make sure his quiet efforts had succeeded. They had.
Then his mind switched to something completely different, and anyone taking a wild guess knew what it was. Of course, he had to talk to someone about his feelings, but there was no one to talk to. Abby was insanely on call, as was Mark. Jing-Mei had only been in for a bit to do some paperwork, and there was no way in hell he was going to talk to Kerry. He needed somebody. He needed a guy, a friend, a mentor...
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
... "Doctor Benton?" Carter said, shifting his eyes around the hall. "Doctor Benton?" It was eerily quiet in the OR. The recovery room seemed like a good place to go. There was a higher presence rate in there.
Carter opened the door quietly, as not to disturb anyone. There was one person who appeared to be awake. It was an older man, maybe in his sixties, Carter guessed.
"Are you looking for somebody, young man?" he asked courteously.
"Uh, yes I am," Carter whispered, hinting for him to do the same.
"Sorry," the man whispered.
"That's okay, they're all loaded on morphine. But let's keep it down anyway."
The man laughed a near silent laugh. "Who are you looking for?" he asked lightly.
"Do you know a Doctor Benton?"
"The tall man with the goatee?"
Carter smiled, his front teeth showing. "Yea, that's him."
"He went that-a-way," the man said, pointing with his thumb to the direction behind him. "Out the door."
"Thanks. You should probably get some sleep," Carter suggested in return.
"Check. More than enough in a recovery room. I got enough sleep to make the world happy."
"Never hurts to get them overjoyed," Carter joked.
"It's not hurting me." The man then smiled at him. "I guess I'll do as the doctor says," he then sighed.
"Good idea. Sweet dreams," Carter said jokingly.
"Yea, I bet. Hope you find him."
"Thanks."
Carter turned away then stepped out the door, muting it as he had for just about every door he had encountered so far. He didn't get too far down the hall when he found the man he was looking for, sitting in an empty room at a desk that wasn't his (or anyone else's for that matter).
"Hey, Doctor Benton."
"Hey, Carter," Peter said, looking at Carter.
"What are you doing?" Carter mused.
"Waiting out my break, why?"
"I was wondering if I could talk to you about something... something personal. It's a little bit of a problem I've been having."
Peter leaned forward, concerned. "Sure, what's the matter?"
"Well, I'm sure you've heard the rumors, and, well, they're all true. Or at least the ones I know about."
Peter nodded in comprehension. "And?"
"Well, it just that, I don't think I know how to talk to women. I can't seem to get through the skull, you know?"
"So you're asking me for advice?" Peter said, genuinely confused.
"Yea, well, it seems like you and Cleo have been hitting it off pretty nicely... that and you're the only one who's not busy." ("We all know what comes after the jazz club!")
"Oh, thanks for the gratuity, Carter."
"Wait, you didn't let me finish!"
"Sorry, what is it?"
Carter looked at Peter. "It's just that, I know I can depend on you. I know it. And uh, I just think that you're a good person to talk to." There was a small moment of silence. "Anyway, I just want to know, what's your perspective on this: The rumors are true, and I need a way for Abby to catch up. She's a little... behind. I've made a big mess out of this."
"I've noticed," Peter started. "Well, since she likes you just as much as you do her-"
"What?" Carter said with a mix of confusion, surprise, and excitement.
"What? I know the rumors, and I know all of them. Wait, you mean to tell me that you... didn't know that?"
"No." Carter smiled at the ground, then at Benton. "You have just made my day. Thanks."
Carter rose, then left the room, shaking his head and laughing in a gracious disbelief.
"But what about my advice for you?" Benton called after him, but Carter didn't hear. "Well, that was easy," he told himself. He looked out the door, then saw Carter watching his feet and talking to himself relentlessly. He laughed and shook his head. He found it amazing that Carter had had no idea. On the other point of view, Carter now knew a certain little secret about a certain Abby (God knows how that one circulated the ER), but she didn't know about Carter's dilemma. He found this amazing. It was completely astounding to him how unobservant and stupid people could be.
"I guess I'm just a little... behind." Just a little.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
A/N and Disclaimer: Okay, I don't know where this is going. At all. And just so I don't get in trouble, the song referred to in this chapter is "Broken Sound" by A New Found Glory. If you ever get the chance to listen to it, it's short and sweet. I love it. Anyway, off to the middle of nowhere!
P.S. For all of you who are watching season ten right now, I'll bet you've been exasperated to know what in the world was on Carter's letter to Abby... WELL, if you go to nbc.com and look for the ER part of the web site (or it might still be on the front page), you'll see a feature that lets you read that letter! GO TO IT! You know you should. It's really informative. But Crichton is making me sad... where's Noah? *melodramatic tear* It's the only place besides TNT and Blockbuster that I get to see him do his fabulous acting. Anyway, read that, and if you don't have access to it and you review, then maybe I could post it somewhere, but I'd rather not since it's kind of uh, COPYRIGHTED (no plagiarism here). And thanks for the reviews, speaking of which! You guys are kickin'!
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
CHAPTER TWELVE
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
CLICK.
("I wake up... something more than what I'm supposed to be... something more than I have meant to show... how was I supposed to know that I've wanted... and I've waited?")
There was a rustling from under a large, blue comforter on a wooden bed. Carter's hair stood, then bounced back into place as he pulled the blanket down to reveal his face. He blinked softly at the small amount of light from the sun at his window, then smiled and rubbed his eyes. He jolted when he heard a suddenly loud noise.
("And I can be the one to tell you that I've held this back for too long.")
Carter listened an acoustic guitar turn electric as he woke up enough to realize that the sound was blaring from his own clock radio.
("And my heart aches... these feelings I've held inside for you.")
He rolled over, his face buried in his pillow, to shut off his alarm. The music stopped, and his arm fell off the night stand. He knew that it was nine o'clock, he didn't need big red numbers to remind him. It was a Saturday that he would have to spend at work, but that didn't bother him in the slightest. He had gotten a full night's sleep. Carter had stayed in the ER with Abby the night she was under observation, and had a few restless nights since then. He didn't know why. All he did know was that he had slept deeply the entire night, and that it was definitely a good thing.
Carter stretched, then slowly made his way out of bed and to his closet, for he had predetermined what he was going to wear the night before. He had a good feeling about the short term future of his day. But once more, he did not know why.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
There Abby sat, her legs curled under her on her couch, watching the morning news (which was somewhat fatally, yet unsurprisingly boring). She had the remote on the arm of the couch, a coffee-filled mug in one hand, and a nearly full Cheez-It box on the coffee table. It was about nine thirty the newsroom's clock told her, and she had been up since about seven o'clock to take a shower and get dressed. This was far too much time, but she had moved slowly. She didn't start her shift for another hour yet.
"Are they trying to bore us to death?" she asked the television. She then set down her coffee and took the remote and Cheez-It box. She didn't really want the little cheese crackers, but there was really nothing else that had interested her. She flipped through the channels, trying to find something... anything... to take her out of her misery that was boredom. The channels changed quickly, but Abby could still tell what she was seeing. It seemed as though the television was ridiculing her with irony. She slowed down her channel-flipping, in hopes of finding something. Everything she saw seemed to pertain to her. She slowed down again. With every channel, she thought about something. That something soon turned into a someone. A co-worker. A friend. Carter. It was just a bit eerie to her how televisions seem to be psychic. She changed the channel again, then stopped. She wasn't listening, only watching. Two people, a man and a woman, were conversing.
"Oh stop it," she told her television. It seemed to be staring at her.
The two people stared at each other.
"Oh come on!" she whined to the screen. She was mad at the television now, so she did the most childish thing she could think of. She threw a Cheez- It. It landed just a few inches short of the screen.
Abby looked at her right hand in an odd amusement, soaking in the fact that she had just flung an orange cracker at her television screen. She laughed lightly. It was fun.
She watched as the two people stared into each other's eyes, then whipped another cracker. This time, it made it to the screen, then broke into little bits and pieces of orange debris. She laughed again.
The actors walked toward each other, smiling.
Another Cheez-It rocketed to the screen. 'Not fair, I only have crackers!' she thought.
"Don't even..." she told the actors, who obviously couldn't hear her.
The music kicked in as the two locked lips... it was a little more than a stage kiss, and Abby lost it... just for a few seconds, but a few seconds was time enough for what came next.
The red box went flying. It spun in the air as the orange pieces flew out and rained down on the television. It was raining Cheez-Its.
Abby watched in a shocked expression as the crackers landed. She was silent.
"Whoa."
Then she laughed once more as she went to her vacuum to clean the now lying objects that were strewn across her room.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
It wasn't until about quarter of ten that Carter was rushing around when he remembered that his shift started at ten thirty. He was only a half- hour off by thinking he started at ten o'clock sharp, but he was okay by that. He had another short amount of time to himself... but what to do with it?
Carter fumbled with his coat as he went downstairs and out the door of his apartment building. It was a bit warmer than the previous days, but not by much. He stood outside, watching his breath steam in front of him. He then decided he was going to go to where he had parked his Jeep when he heard a slight crunching sound. He looked down to see what he had stepped on... snow. There wasn't much of it, but it was there. When Carter got to the door of his Jeep (which was now much easier because there was no ice to slip on), he reached into his pocket, where miraculously, his keys still were. He unlocked the door, opened it quickly, and sat as he slammed the door next to him. He put the key in the ignition quickly and turned it. Cool air shot out of the vents, but by the time it got to his face, it had warmed. He smiled at the nice little feature. He put the Jeep in gear and drove until he reached the third big intersection in the road.
"Hmm." Short and sweet. That was all he said to the intersection before turning onto a different road than normal. It was somewhat of a small road, and doubled as his shortcut to the El. He was feeling lucky.
At the train station, crowds of people flocked to the ten o'clock platform. Carter joined a small crowd near what was going to be the back of the train. He glanced at his watch. There would be a two-minute lapsing of time until the El would come into the station. He stood for a little while, picking up pieces of unwanted information from other conversations. With what he got, he could make up a fun little story. Simply to amuse himself, he tuned in the conversation to his direct left, front, and direct right, and he got an odd combination. To further amuse himself, he put the general ideas of each conversation together to make a rather uninviting mental picture. It turned out to be something to the air of a Sheepdog getting neutered with a side of a buzz cut at the local laundromat (which, by the way, had a defective dryer.). He wiped the image away and decided to amuse himself with the odd-looking people at the nearest waiting area.
There was nothing for poor, childish Carter to look at. That was, until, he saw a familiar figure waving at him with a familiar hand.
"Hey, Abby!" he yelled across the station. The three conversing groups (plus a few more) turned to look at him (like HE was the nutsy one).
Abby's face turned a hue of red. "Hey, Carter!" she called back, but was cut off by the sound of the El pulling in.
As the doors parted, Carter struggled to keep his footing as he shoved with the rest of the crowd. Once he was successfully on the train, he didn't bother to find a seat. He was too occupied with finding Abby. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't in the last car like he had thought. He had somehow been pushed to the side and wound up on a completely different car. Abby, however, was still in the back.
"Oh," he whined. More people looked at him as though he were a lost and complaining child. Carter smiled sheepishly at these people, then, with some sort of a miracle, found a seat. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes to the vibrating of the window.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
The El pulled into the station in the heart of the hectic part of Chicago (though there are many), waking Carter from his doze. By now his head was slumped to the left and the strap to his bag was around his waist rather than his shoulder. He blinked at the light, then rose from his seat, hoping that no one had been watching him while he slept. This was a bit of paranoia kicking in on his part. As he began to walk away, he stumbled and fell forward, grabbing at the nearest metal pole. He broke his own fall, then looked down. His bag had fallen around his ankles and was now wrapped around them. He sat back down and undid the bag, feeling more eyes lay upon him as he did so.
Carter rushed out the door, shoving and apologizing to a few people. He looked around. He was obviously right behind Abby. He ran to the staircase that led to the sidewalk and into the County streets. Carter took another look around. Still no Abby. At the pace he was going, he surely could have caught up to her... or passed her. So he decided to wait. He was obviously right in front of Abby. He waited some more. Nothing. No sign of Abby. Carter turned his wrist then looked at his watch. He had a few minutes. He slowed down his pace and just walked. He was watching the ground for ice, and there seemed to be none. This was a good sign for him. Trudging along through the inch or so of fresh snow that was left on the sidewalk, Carter found himself strangely in a good mood. So he hummed.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
The figure of a trudging Carter, dragging his soggy feet, staring at the ground, came striding into the ER. It was a peculiar sight however, for he looked extremely downtrodden, but oddly, he had a smile wiped across his face and he was singing to himself the song he had heard on the radio earlier. He had forgotten that he had only heard the song once or twice, but he somehow managed to remember the lyrics.
"Carter!" Mark called to him.
"H-hey!" Carter called back, displaying a smile and a laugh.
"What's wrong, kind of? You uh, right?" Mark asked in general.
"Yea," Carter answered wholeheartedly and misunderstanding the question slightly. "I'm great. I slept last night."
"You look it," Mark commented with a smile.
"Thanks."
Carter got another greeting as he continued his journey to the lockers. It was Jing-Mei.
"Hey Carter you look... well, you don't look like hell," she said.
"Uh, thanks. I guess," Carter responded humorously.
"I'm kidding. You look... awake! Now isn't that a sight for sore eyes."
"Yea. I slept really great last night. It was nice!" Carter said almost in an eighties high school voice.
"Glad to hear it," she said with meaning.
"Glad to live it," Carter admitted, then entered the locker room.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
"Hey Carter, there's a fourteen-year-old in curtain three waiting for you," Yosh said, breaking Carter from a daze. He was still looking for Abby. He had seen her, but only for a few seconds, and they had no chance to talk.
"Oh, thanks Yosh," Carter said gratefully. He then headed down the hall.
Checking the chart, Carter walked to curtain three where he found a dark blonde, green-eyed, fourteen-year-old girl looking at him. He hesitated slightly, then walked in.
"Hi, my name's Doctor John Carter. So, what happened to you?" he asked, just to start a conversation.
"Um, it's actually kind of embarrassing," she admitted.
"Well, you're going to have to tell me sooner or later... Marie," Carter informed her, looking at the chart still.
"Okay. You really, really want the truth?"
Carter nodded.
Marie sighed. "Okay, I was at the top of this flight of steps, about to go down and go home from school with my friends, right? When out of no where, I just lose my balance and WHOOSH! Down I went. It was really... Ow! Cool it, Long Duck Tong," she said, interrupting herself and looking at Yosh, who was amused. "Oh God, I'm REALLY sorry. I didn't mean that, it's just that, well... you remind me of, oh forget it."
"That's all right," Yosh said understandingly as he wrapped her arm in an ACE bandage.
"So anyway," she finished, "I fell down a flight of steps for no apparent reason."
"No dizziness?" Carter asked.
"Nope."
"All right, I know this is kind of an annoying question, but are you on any kind of drugs?"
"What?" she asked, looking offended, but only slightly. "No! Never! Only, uh... ffff..."
"It starts with an 'F'?" Carter asked, afraid to death that the next letter would be something like 'E'.
"Yea, fff... feh, feh..."
"F-E-N?" Carter asked nervously. 'Here it comes,' he thought. 'Fentanyl.' Why he thought that, he had no clue. It was completely outrageous and impossible for a fourteen-year-old to get her hands on something like that.
"Feh, Fexofenadine! That's it!"
Carter sighed in relief. "Oh, okay. Allergies?"
"Horribly."
"Anything else?" Carter asked, still a little bit shaken.
"Uh, no. Nope," Marie said quickly.
Carter wasn't convinced anymore. "Yosh? Could you get a, uh, CBC and a tox screen? Wipe out any traces of Fexofenadine?"
"Sure," Yosh said with a smile, then left.
"You don't believe me?" she asked. Carter looked at her. "I know what those things mean. I'm not stupid. Straight A's. I may be clumsy, but I'm definitely not stupid. And I'm NOT a druggie. I don't know why anyone would be."
Carter knew he was going to flush red if he didn't get out of there. "Standard procedure," he mumbled, then turned around.
"Yep," Marie said behind him. "Oh, and Doctor Carter?"
"Yea," Carter said, turning around.
"Cool hair."
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
Marie rolled over in her sleep, then woke to an audible click. She had felt her free right hand hit something, but she didn't know what it was. She looked to her hand.
"Oh crap." She looked at the call button her hand had smacked, then looked in embarrassment at the entering nurse.
"Is something the matter?" she asked.
"Whoops, sorry, uh... Abby," Marie apologized, squinting at the nametag.
"Oh, that's all right. Things happen. You need anything while I'm here?"
"Not really."
"Okay," Abby said, turning to leave.
"Uh, are you busy?" Marie said after her.
"I was doing rounds, but I'm done now," Abby told her.
"Oh, well if you're busy, forget it."
"No, no. It's okay, what do you need?" Abby wanted to help.
"Nothing, it's just really lonely in here. This room is kind of creepy. Just a creepy air to it, that's all," she said, looking around.
"Welcome to curtain three. So, what's your name?"
"My name's Marie. I fell down the steps." This time she said it with pride.
"Oh boy, that sounds fun. So, uh, how old are you?"
"I'm fourteen. And I'll be celebrating my next birthday by the time those tests get back."
"I'm sorry it's taking so long," Abby apologized.
"No, literally. My birthday is in..." she looked at the clock. "Thirteen minutes."
"Well, happy birthday."
"Thanks. Way to spend a birthday, huh?" There was a minute or so of silence as Marie surveyed the room. "So, what happened?"
"What?" Abby asked, perplexed.
"Something happened in this room, I can tell. That doctor was hesitant on coming in here."
"Who was it?" Abby asked.
"Uh, Carter," she said, not realizing that she had practically used his real name with no doctor preference. "Are you guys friends?"
"Oh, yes." Abby said, genuinely interested.
"So what happened?"
"Oh, uh, that's not really my place to say," Abby said, somewhat gravely.
"Well, I'm going to be here a while. I'd like to know, even if it is something really odd." Marie smiled at her.
"Are you sure? It's pretty gruesome. I'm not sure you want to know."
"I'm sure a scary story can't be worse than seeing your world turn a complete three hundred and sixty degrees three times in less than thirty seconds."
"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Abby warned her.
"I'm ready," Marie said, more interested than ever.
"Well, that guy, Doctor Carter..."
"... the one with the cool hair..."
"... Yes, that one. He uh, had an incident in this room. He was, he had, he had a brush with uh..."
"Death? That the word?" She was whispering.
"Yes. Death would be the word." Abby found that she could barely say it.
"How so?" She continued to whisper.
"A knife. It was Valentine's Day. We were going to cut the cake. No one knew. It was terrible."
Marie looked at her sympathetically. "I'm so sorry. That's not that long ago. It sounds really bad. Was anyone else hurt?"
Abby looked to the other side of the bed, but Marie didn't notice why yet.
"There was someone else, wasn't there? I can tell." Marie knew.
"Yes." She figured she shouldn't try to diverge Marie's attention. "Her name was Lucy. She was a med student here. She uh..."
"Was brushed too hard?"
"Yes."
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I won't say anything."
"It would probably be best not to," Abby advised.
"Thanks. Oh, there he is, right over there!" Marie said, pointing out the window of the door.
Abby's pager conveniently went off. "Oh no," she said. "I've been trying to talk to him all day."
"Good luck."
Carter walked into the room just then, and looked at the odd couple.
"Enjoying yourselves?"
"Yes," they said in unison.
"Sorry Carter, I have to go. My pager..." Abby started.
"Okay, talk to you later then." Abby then left, and Carter turned to Marie. "Your tests were negative. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."
"I know, I'm not a convincing person, unfortunately. And I'm really, really sorry, too."
"For what?"
"Whoops." Marie slapped herself on the head for thinking of the previous subject. She then looked to the other side of her bed, away from Carter, and a sudden shock went fleeting through her. She assumed that that was Lucy's side of the bed, and that where Doctor Carter now stood was his side. She hadn't realized that a somewhat terrified look had swiped over her face.
"You know," Carter whispered.
Marie only nodded. She was too far into her shocked emotion to speak. It had sunken in. She only stared at Carter. Carter sat down next to her on the bed. "I can't believe it. It's just, oh God." She was now looking at her feet. She then turned back to Carter. "But I am really sorry to hear it. Really. It's just, weird to think... that..." She stopped talking.
"It's okay, really," Carter said in a comforting way.
Marie looked warily around the room. Carter moved closer to her and put an arm around her. He was about to suggest that she move, but Marie thought of that first. "I'm staying here, no need to hassle yourself."
"You sure?" Carter was concerned about what must be running through her mind.
"Yea. Could you just, uh, stay here for another minute or so?"
Carter smiled. "Sure."
Marie smiled back. "Thanks. You're a really good doctor, you know that Doctor Carter?"
"Thanks. You can call me Carter, Abby does."
"Thanks Carter."
Carter felt suddenly happy from that small compliment, and a bit surprised to think that Abby felt that she should tell his patient about what had happened. He suddenly realized how often people had really thought about it. He then remembered back to a few minutes ago. "Hey, you have cool hair, too."
Marie laughed a little. "Not bad for a fight with gravity, huh? Thanks." She was quiet for a little bit. "I'm sorry, but I have to say something. You two would make a good couple. You seem to get along really well."
"Who, me and Doctor Lockheart?"
"Yea, you and Abby."
They smiled to each other, but Carter wasn't sure exactly which emotion he was trying to express. This was strange. Everyone saw it, but it seemed like Abby didn't. He was out of the loop, the infinite loop that he had started.
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
Just a few minutes after Marie had fallen asleep next to Carter, who had taken it upon himself to stay so long, he quietly rose and left the room, muting the door behind him. When he stepped out, he looked back in to make sure his quiet efforts had succeeded. They had.
Then his mind switched to something completely different, and anyone taking a wild guess knew what it was. Of course, he had to talk to someone about his feelings, but there was no one to talk to. Abby was insanely on call, as was Mark. Jing-Mei had only been in for a bit to do some paperwork, and there was no way in hell he was going to talk to Kerry. He needed somebody. He needed a guy, a friend, a mentor...
:*:*:*:*:*:*:
... "Doctor Benton?" Carter said, shifting his eyes around the hall. "Doctor Benton?" It was eerily quiet in the OR. The recovery room seemed like a good place to go. There was a higher presence rate in there.
Carter opened the door quietly, as not to disturb anyone. There was one person who appeared to be awake. It was an older man, maybe in his sixties, Carter guessed.
"Are you looking for somebody, young man?" he asked courteously.
"Uh, yes I am," Carter whispered, hinting for him to do the same.
"Sorry," the man whispered.
"That's okay, they're all loaded on morphine. But let's keep it down anyway."
The man laughed a near silent laugh. "Who are you looking for?" he asked lightly.
"Do you know a Doctor Benton?"
"The tall man with the goatee?"
Carter smiled, his front teeth showing. "Yea, that's him."
"He went that-a-way," the man said, pointing with his thumb to the direction behind him. "Out the door."
"Thanks. You should probably get some sleep," Carter suggested in return.
"Check. More than enough in a recovery room. I got enough sleep to make the world happy."
"Never hurts to get them overjoyed," Carter joked.
"It's not hurting me." The man then smiled at him. "I guess I'll do as the doctor says," he then sighed.
"Good idea. Sweet dreams," Carter said jokingly.
"Yea, I bet. Hope you find him."
"Thanks."
Carter turned away then stepped out the door, muting it as he had for just about every door he had encountered so far. He didn't get too far down the hall when he found the man he was looking for, sitting in an empty room at a desk that wasn't his (or anyone else's for that matter).
"Hey, Doctor Benton."
"Hey, Carter," Peter said, looking at Carter.
"What are you doing?" Carter mused.
"Waiting out my break, why?"
"I was wondering if I could talk to you about something... something personal. It's a little bit of a problem I've been having."
Peter leaned forward, concerned. "Sure, what's the matter?"
"Well, I'm sure you've heard the rumors, and, well, they're all true. Or at least the ones I know about."
Peter nodded in comprehension. "And?"
"Well, it just that, I don't think I know how to talk to women. I can't seem to get through the skull, you know?"
"So you're asking me for advice?" Peter said, genuinely confused.
"Yea, well, it seems like you and Cleo have been hitting it off pretty nicely... that and you're the only one who's not busy." ("We all know what comes after the jazz club!")
"Oh, thanks for the gratuity, Carter."
"Wait, you didn't let me finish!"
"Sorry, what is it?"
Carter looked at Peter. "It's just that, I know I can depend on you. I know it. And uh, I just think that you're a good person to talk to." There was a small moment of silence. "Anyway, I just want to know, what's your perspective on this: The rumors are true, and I need a way for Abby to catch up. She's a little... behind. I've made a big mess out of this."
"I've noticed," Peter started. "Well, since she likes you just as much as you do her-"
"What?" Carter said with a mix of confusion, surprise, and excitement.
"What? I know the rumors, and I know all of them. Wait, you mean to tell me that you... didn't know that?"
"No." Carter smiled at the ground, then at Benton. "You have just made my day. Thanks."
Carter rose, then left the room, shaking his head and laughing in a gracious disbelief.
"But what about my advice for you?" Benton called after him, but Carter didn't hear. "Well, that was easy," he told himself. He looked out the door, then saw Carter watching his feet and talking to himself relentlessly. He laughed and shook his head. He found it amazing that Carter had had no idea. On the other point of view, Carter now knew a certain little secret about a certain Abby (God knows how that one circulated the ER), but she didn't know about Carter's dilemma. He found this amazing. It was completely astounding to him how unobservant and stupid people could be.
"I guess I'm just a little... behind." Just a little.
:*:*:*:*:*:*: