Perspective
Serial Experiments Lain fanfiction by LeeT911
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Sometimes, if I close my eyes and I try really hard, I can almost pretend that I'm fourteen again and you're right here next to me. Thing is, I don't even know who you are.
The face is familiar, the elfin features and the clump of brown hair hanging off your head, but your name escapes me. I should know it. It's on the tip of my tongue, but somehow I just can't call it forth. I've looked through all my old yearbooks, but your face doesn't show in any of them. I even asked Juri and Reika, but they don't remember anyone like you. And yet, I know you exist. You're out there, I can feel it. I'm not dreaming this up, I'm not hallucinating. I'm not crazy.
I have this vision of you wearing nothing but a white nightshirt, your body covered in wires. You're reaching out to me, your arm dragging wires behind it. You're trying to tell me something, but I can't hear it. It scares me. The Wired scares me. I'm not sure why. Cyberspace was never my strong point, but that still doesn't explain this irrational aversion I have to the Wired. There's something about it that just gets to me, even if it is an integral part of the world. But the worst thing, is that I know you're here, in the Wired.
The Wired is real, more real than most people think. The truth is in the Wired. I know. I've been looking for a long time. I haven't found it yet, but it's there. It's waiting for me. I'm just not looking hard enough.
It's eating away at me, this obsession with the truth. But I need to know. I've convinced myself that finding you will somehow right my life. There's something wrong with me, but it isn't something I can point my finger at, it's this sort of general malaise that isn't quite depression. I have this feeling that my life is a lie, that somehow this isn't real, and even though my mind knows that's not possible, I still feel it in my bones.
A revolution is coming. Soon. Even I can tell.
I'm not the most adept in the Wired, but I can hear the whispers, the rumours. Something big is happening. I don't know what, but it's going to change the world, it's going to change everything. And I think it has something to do with you.
I need to find you. I know you have the answers, and I know you'd give them to me, if only I could talk to you. I'm not sure how I know that. I think we used to be friends at some point.
I'm pretty sure there was something between us then, but I can't remember what it was. But whatever it was, I don't think we could get that back. It's been so long, and everything's changed. Sometimes, I get that feeling that if you saw me now, you wouldn't even know me anymore. And I keep telling myself that I shouldn't even care, but I'm still here, and I'm still waiting.
Is it crazy to throw your present life away for a past friendship? Because that's what I'm doing now. My life is a wreck. I'm spending too much time in the Wired, too much time looking for you. I'm wasting my life sitting in front of a Navi, listening to whispers in the pulse of the Wired.
Maybe all I'm looking for is understanding. Maybe all I want is something to tell me that there's a point to all this. Maybe all I need is something worth living for. Because everything I have now, everything that's so highly valued by everyone else, it just doesn't seem to fulfill me the way it should.
I don't know when that changed. I used to think that I had everything, that everything was perfect, and that nothing could ever possibly go wrong. Something's missing now. And I think that something is you, but I don't know why.
There are flashes in my mind, memories, or maybe not. I can't tell anymore. I'm not sure if I'm just dreaming, or if all these scenes of you truly happened. I see you smile at me as I place a hand on your shoulder. I remember sitting next to you at the police station, I remember reaching out to you in the schoolyard, I remember walking home with you, I remember a million other things, but I can't remember your name.
Why? Why are you hiding from me? All these other users in the Wired, they act like they know you, like you speak to them all the time. But they won't even tell me your name. They fear you, even through the endless anonymity of the Wired. The only thing they'll tell me, is that the truth will be clear when it's all over.
And somehow, I believe them. I believe you, even though there's no reason for me to do so. This revolution, it's going to be you. Your return will be the event that sparks the change. And I think I know why I used to be so scared of you. I'm not scared of you anymore. I've figured out why I so desperately need to find you.
You love me. Or at least you used to. And maybe that's enough. Maybe that's the only reason I even care now.
So show yourself already, whoever you are. I'm waiting for you.
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