He and I and the Sky
I have almost always considered myself alone. For as long as I remember, no one has come. No one came in search of comfort or love or forgiveness…until the day he waltzed into my life, again. At first, he was just another man to search the stars for. He needed to know what would happen to him. Astronomy, unlike Divination in so many ways, can be an exact art, if you know all there is to know or seek the answer from a reliable source. As I gaze at the stars, I see him there, still there, even after he left...again. Just like the stars said he would.
The stars are my protective brother, my best friend, my missing father. They didn't want to see me hurt. They wanted to help, to protect me. And just like an insolent teenager, I brushed aside the repeated warnings, the loving cautions, thinking the stars surely made a mistake. How could a love so pure be broken? That is how I know. The stars are never mistaken. The stars know all.
He came to the tower on a windy night, seeking a moon globe, saying he misplaced his. I thought nothing of the transparent excuse, but took him to my cluttered office. He proceeded to kiss me, most gently, in a soft and kind way. When he pulled back, I almost laughed. Not at his kiss, which was most beautiful and kind, but at my lipstick smeared on his lips. I took out my handkerchief and rubbed it off with great care, not wanting to rub off the tingling I knew was on those lips, because it was on mine.
He once told me that my eyes are like the night sky. On bad days there are no stars, but when the good came, stars lingered in my eyes, even when no light was around me. I cannot change that, so I do not try to. I try to forget.
I know I'll never find such love. I have often wondered if he loved me back, or just felt sorry for the "Black Widow", as I knew the staff called me behind my back. I had never married, as the name suggested, and had never even had a lover.
The man I once loved is never returning, and if he does, shall not receive any open arms from me. That man broke my heart and soul, like the glass ornaments they are. They are not simply ornaments like he told me they were while breaking my heart. They are star globes. Delicate, beautiful, and irreplaceable.
The night he forever left my heart, I climbed the astronomy tower. I looked to my true love, my stars and saw something I told no one. And now I tell this page, for you will tell all those who love me, or don't. I saw my soul. It lifted out of me and flew to the star I love, and know best. If you look closely at Orion's Belt, you will see a small star, visible to no one on rainy days or without a telescope, you will see that it has grown. Stars do not grow, though. They come closer. Closer to my heart it came. And some day, some woman who's heart and soul have been shattered as mine has, will pull the star closer. For that is the way things have been for all time.
I shall now tuck you within the bodice of my frock and leap from my tower, reaching for my protective brother, my best friend, my missing father. The sky. And no one but he and I shall know who my beloved man is. No one but he and I. And the sky.