Disclaimer: Seriously, what's the point? If owned it, my way would be aired, not posted on a website. So what's the point? Lyrics are from Too Late by Fisher

AN: Thanks to those of you who reviewed! I've got the whole thing written, and I'll be trying to post it whenever I can. This one is in Rory's POV, after she sees Jess in A Family Matter, and she's going back home because she didn't want to deal with it.

Dedication: The .ORG Literati thread. Just the whole thread in general...and Claire, Michelle, Ashley, Sarah, because we're just waiting for them to be happy...lol. Also, Lia and Ari for beta-ing and being brutally honest, lol.

No More Sad Songs

Chapter 2—Too Late

But it's too late,
To think of what I've left behind
Dreams that have faded from view.
I've burned all my bridges with you.
And I can't walk on water.

No. No, he cannot be back. I refuse to believe that he's back.

But he is. He's right in front of me; it's not so easy to pretend anymore. How am I supposed to act like everything is fine, that I'm not affected by it anymore, that I'm over him? It's hard enough normally, but with him here, I'm not so certain that I won't lose myself again. I don't want to run back to him; I don't want to constantly watch where I'm going so that I don't run into him. I don't want to hear him apologize. There is no way to apologize for this; there is no apology I can accept.

But, I'm afraid I will, if he tries.

I don't even know why he's here. I can't think that he came back across the country just to apologize to me. In fact, I bet he wasn't even thinking of me. My mind floats to his car, the one he was sleeping in. Wasn't it missing the last time I saw him? Hadn't we talked about it, how it was missing and how it probably wouldn't be found? Maybe they found it, so he had to come back and pick it up. Then, why is he still here? He's got a car; why can't he leave? Maybe, he hasn't left because he wants to talk to me. No. I'm sure there is another reason.

I'm not enough of a reason to stay.

I really need to stop beating myself up about this. So what if he didn't want to stay? So what if he didn't want to be with me? He doesn't matter; I can find better. I deserve better.

Right.

I've been telling myself that for almost a year now, and I have yet to believe it. I want to forget him, but every time I try, something happens, and it triggers back all these emotions that I don't want to feel. I'm tired of feeling like this; I'm tired of being like this. I never wanted to be that girl, that girl that lets herself get so hung up on a boy that even when he hurts her beyond forgiving, she still wants to take him back. I don't want to be that girl! But, I am. I am, and I hate myself for it. I hate him for it. I hate that even though I can say I hate him, I don't mean it. I want to mean it, but I can't. What does it mean when you aren't able to hate someone that you're trying to hate?

Maybe it means that I love him. But, I don't. Love him, I mean. Unless I'm trying not to, but I do anyway. This is so confusing. When did I become such an emotional mess? I'm supposed to be the rational one; I'm supposed to have it all under control. I go to Yale! Why can't I figure this out?

I don't want to figure this out; I don't want deal with this. Ironic, isn't it? That I'm the one running now? Well, there is no way in hell I'm letting him run away from me this time. Let him feel a little pain. He tries to talk to me; I just keep walking. Good plan. The best plan. Unless I decide to listen to him instead. No! I have willpower! I can do this!

I'm not going to take him back. Not even if he...grovels! Now there's an interesting image, Jess groveling. I bet he's cute when he grovels...no! Bad thoughts! I cannot think that way about him! What's done is done; I'm over him. I do not think Jess is cute!

Yeah. I'll just keep repeating that to myself, see how long it takes for me to believe it. I don't really need to believe it, just as long as he believes that I believe it.

There we go with getting confused again.

It doesn't matter how much I do or do not want him back. I can't have him. He left; that's it. I washed my hands of him. I spent the last eight months convincing myself I was over him; I'm not going to backtrack.

Besides, it can only end in hurt. Look what happened last time. And now, with all that behind us, it's just bound to build up until it all explodes in our faces. I can't go back there. I won't let him hurt me again.

I'm so lost in my thoughts, I don't even notice my surroundings until I finally reach my house. For some reason, I run straight to my bedroom, straight towards my desk. I open the top drawer and dig through it, until I finally see what has been haunting me for the last 8 months. That letter. It's not even a letter. Two words. "I'm sorry." Well, it wasn't enough, and anything he says now won't be either.

I finally do what I should have done the minute I laid eyes on it. I ripped it, ripped it into a thousand pieces. It's nothing now. His words were meaningless. Anything he says to me now will be meaningless.

I can do this now. I think. I just know that I can't not do this.

He's not coming back into my life. He could say anything now, and he still couldn't come back.

Unless he says the things I don't expect him to say. He won't though. He's Jess; he doesn't say things like that.

He doesn't love me. I don't love him. That's that. This is the end of Rory and Jess. No, we ended a long time ago. Just because I held on to that stupid note, just because he wrote that stupid note, does not mean that I was holding on to hope.

We're hopeless. So I'll just save us some pain.

Time can mean nothing but pain in disguise.
I'll never see you again.