Disclaimer: Seriously, what's the point? If owned it, my way would be aired, not posted on a website. So what's the point? All the lyrics are from Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional
AN: This takes place as Jess is driving to Yale in LWF TWT. Oh, and Michelle...see, I used Vindicated! And I wrote this before you asked me to! Okay, I think I'm done now...Also, thanks for the reviews!
Dedication: The .ORG Literati thread. Just the whole thread in general...and Claire, Michelle, Ashley, Sarah, because we're just waiting for them to be happy...lol. Also, Lia and Ari for beta-ing this and being brutally honest, lol.
No More Sad Songs
Chapter 3— Vindicated
I am vindicated
I am selfish, I am wrong.
I am right, I swear I'm right,
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed,
But I am cleaning up so well.
I am seeing in me now the things
You swore you saw yourself
I am not an idiot for doing this. I am not an idiot for doing this.
Right.
It doesn't matter; I'm doing it anyway, doing what I should have done last year. If I had just talked to her, maybe, she'd still be mine. But she isn't, and I have to fix that.
I know I'm completely kidding myself. I know I have no chance in hell with her, but I would hate myself if I just gave up. After tonight, I'll probably end up hating myself anyway.
I don't even know what I'm going to say; I just know that I need to say it. What was in that book again? Did it have a chapter on groveling to your ex- girlfriend after leaving her three times in a two-year period? Because if it did, I would really like to re-read that right about now.
What does she want me to say; that I've changed? I have, but why should she believe me? That I fixed everything? I didn't. I didn't finish high school. I didn't build a time machine so I could go back and stop myself before I did too much damage. She probably won't want me to say anything. She probably won't hear me out.
I don't blame her.
I know I'm not enough for her, but I'm trying. If she gives me a chance, I'm not leaving. I know I have no right to promise that, not after what I did. I should have stayed before; this shouldn't be an issue. But, I came back. I always come back. If I didn't, we could both be over this. But no, I now choose to be persistent.
I want her so bad. I've wanted her...well, since I decided she'd probably be the only one in that town worth talking to. That whole town is full of jerks. At least she tried.
I know I'm being selfish. She doesn't need me; she probably has tons of rich Yale guys lining up for her. I want her. I want to take her away from all that, bring her something she was never meant to be given. She wasn't meant to be with me. She had this whole life plan, and then I came and screwed it all up. I need her. I'm supposed to be with her.
This is wrong; this is every kind of wrong. She wasn't supposed to be with the bad boy from New York. She was supposed to be with Dean, or someone like him. She was supposed to be a foreign correspondent, get married, and have a sickeningly sweet family. Then I came in, wanting her, challenging it. I should have just left her alone. Settled for girls like...what's her name, before Rory. Shane. I should have settled for a girl like her.
But, I wanted Rory. And disappointingly, I think I let myself get to where I need Rory. She just...she was right. And I was wrong. So, what, we cancel each other out? What does that mean? Right, wrong?
It's right. It's got to be. I'm here, aren't I? I keep coming back; I keep seeking her out. It's got to mean something. I'm supposed to be with her. I know I am.
I'm supposed to be with Rory.
We're supposed to be together. Me. Rory. Together. We're supposed to be together.
I was so mesmerized by that last thought that I had to slam on my brakes as I came to the intersection, so I wouldn't get hit. I can't get into an accident. Not now. However, it did cause me to finally look around. Yale was about a street away. Huh. 22.8 miles really isn't that far.
As I park, I glance down at the post-it note next to me. Durfee Hall, suite 5. I recite it over and over in my head. At least it helps block out doubt. I still stop before I open the door. It looks so...big. And rich. How can she go to school here, live here? Then again, she fits in. She fits in most anywhere. Except New York. I smile, almost smirk, at the memory. "Do they allow hot dogs on the subway?"
I miss her so bad.
When I finally stop playing wimp, I get out of my car hesitantly. Then, I start running. I might as well get this over with. I want to catch her. What if she's not here? It seems so deserted. But then again, she wasn't in Stars Hollow. If she's not there, I'm sure Luke wouldn't mind me staying another day. No. I'm doing this now.
I find the building and fling open the doors, hero style. Ha. And she is there, all right. I see her meet my gaze, and I stand there, staring like I'm trying to read her. She holds her gaze for half a second, before pulling her head down. Like she's avoiding me, like she's ashamed of me. It's not the first time. She used to do that in the diner all the time, before we were dating. She'd look away if I saw her, or if someone else saw her. If Dean were nearby.
Dean. I hadn't noticed him standing there before. They weren't together, were they? Hadn't Dean said something about a wife? It doesn't matter; he doesn't matter.
Rory's yelling at me now, wondering why I'm here. Suddenly, that seems like a good question.
I know how this is going to end now. I don't care. I came to do this; I'm going to do this.
"I need to talk to you."
So let me slip away.
So let me slip away.
So let me slip against the current,
So let me slip away.
AN: This takes place as Jess is driving to Yale in LWF TWT. Oh, and Michelle...see, I used Vindicated! And I wrote this before you asked me to! Okay, I think I'm done now...Also, thanks for the reviews!
Dedication: The .ORG Literati thread. Just the whole thread in general...and Claire, Michelle, Ashley, Sarah, because we're just waiting for them to be happy...lol. Also, Lia and Ari for beta-ing this and being brutally honest, lol.
No More Sad Songs
Chapter 3— Vindicated
I am vindicated
I am selfish, I am wrong.
I am right, I swear I'm right,
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed,
But I am cleaning up so well.
I am seeing in me now the things
You swore you saw yourself
I am not an idiot for doing this. I am not an idiot for doing this.
Right.
It doesn't matter; I'm doing it anyway, doing what I should have done last year. If I had just talked to her, maybe, she'd still be mine. But she isn't, and I have to fix that.
I know I'm completely kidding myself. I know I have no chance in hell with her, but I would hate myself if I just gave up. After tonight, I'll probably end up hating myself anyway.
I don't even know what I'm going to say; I just know that I need to say it. What was in that book again? Did it have a chapter on groveling to your ex- girlfriend after leaving her three times in a two-year period? Because if it did, I would really like to re-read that right about now.
What does she want me to say; that I've changed? I have, but why should she believe me? That I fixed everything? I didn't. I didn't finish high school. I didn't build a time machine so I could go back and stop myself before I did too much damage. She probably won't want me to say anything. She probably won't hear me out.
I don't blame her.
I know I'm not enough for her, but I'm trying. If she gives me a chance, I'm not leaving. I know I have no right to promise that, not after what I did. I should have stayed before; this shouldn't be an issue. But, I came back. I always come back. If I didn't, we could both be over this. But no, I now choose to be persistent.
I want her so bad. I've wanted her...well, since I decided she'd probably be the only one in that town worth talking to. That whole town is full of jerks. At least she tried.
I know I'm being selfish. She doesn't need me; she probably has tons of rich Yale guys lining up for her. I want her. I want to take her away from all that, bring her something she was never meant to be given. She wasn't meant to be with me. She had this whole life plan, and then I came and screwed it all up. I need her. I'm supposed to be with her.
This is wrong; this is every kind of wrong. She wasn't supposed to be with the bad boy from New York. She was supposed to be with Dean, or someone like him. She was supposed to be a foreign correspondent, get married, and have a sickeningly sweet family. Then I came in, wanting her, challenging it. I should have just left her alone. Settled for girls like...what's her name, before Rory. Shane. I should have settled for a girl like her.
But, I wanted Rory. And disappointingly, I think I let myself get to where I need Rory. She just...she was right. And I was wrong. So, what, we cancel each other out? What does that mean? Right, wrong?
It's right. It's got to be. I'm here, aren't I? I keep coming back; I keep seeking her out. It's got to mean something. I'm supposed to be with her. I know I am.
I'm supposed to be with Rory.
We're supposed to be together. Me. Rory. Together. We're supposed to be together.
I was so mesmerized by that last thought that I had to slam on my brakes as I came to the intersection, so I wouldn't get hit. I can't get into an accident. Not now. However, it did cause me to finally look around. Yale was about a street away. Huh. 22.8 miles really isn't that far.
As I park, I glance down at the post-it note next to me. Durfee Hall, suite 5. I recite it over and over in my head. At least it helps block out doubt. I still stop before I open the door. It looks so...big. And rich. How can she go to school here, live here? Then again, she fits in. She fits in most anywhere. Except New York. I smile, almost smirk, at the memory. "Do they allow hot dogs on the subway?"
I miss her so bad.
When I finally stop playing wimp, I get out of my car hesitantly. Then, I start running. I might as well get this over with. I want to catch her. What if she's not here? It seems so deserted. But then again, she wasn't in Stars Hollow. If she's not there, I'm sure Luke wouldn't mind me staying another day. No. I'm doing this now.
I find the building and fling open the doors, hero style. Ha. And she is there, all right. I see her meet my gaze, and I stand there, staring like I'm trying to read her. She holds her gaze for half a second, before pulling her head down. Like she's avoiding me, like she's ashamed of me. It's not the first time. She used to do that in the diner all the time, before we were dating. She'd look away if I saw her, or if someone else saw her. If Dean were nearby.
Dean. I hadn't noticed him standing there before. They weren't together, were they? Hadn't Dean said something about a wife? It doesn't matter; he doesn't matter.
Rory's yelling at me now, wondering why I'm here. Suddenly, that seems like a good question.
I know how this is going to end now. I don't care. I came to do this; I'm going to do this.
"I need to talk to you."
So let me slip away.
So let me slip away.
So let me slip against the current,
So let me slip away.