Hands Off
Humor
Rating: PG13
Pairing: By default, Warrick/Sara - but probably not the way you're thinking
Disclaimer: No one is mine. I just like to make them laugh. Or to laugh with them. Okay, yes, and at them.
A/N: I apologize for the delay in posting this - the fabulous 4th of July weekend spent with several hundred thousand people at the Fair St. Louis, watching fireworks from a 25th floor balcony and then incredibly severe thunderstorms on July 5th, all combined to thwart my every attempt to get the next part up. Well, that's what I'm claiming anyway. Hope you all had as great a holiday as I did!
Chapter 6: Forget your enemies. It's the friends you frustrate that cause all the problems. – Anonymous
"I don't care if you fire me, I am not working another case with Warrick!" It was so rare to hear Nick Stokes raise his voice above a good-natured laugh, that Grissom was actually startled.
"Problems?"
Nick threw his hands up in disgust, and stormed about the confines of his supervisor's office.
"Yeah, there's problems! Jesus, Gris, if I'd had any idea this stupid bet would lead to this, I would have never agreed to go along in the first place. He's impossible! He's totally incapable of speaking in any semblance of a civil tongue. And that's if he even speaks!"
Gil Grissom could only shrug in agreement. Like Nick, he'd never imagined that Warrick and Sara would still be carrying on the wager. Now well into the second month, they'd become all but intolerable to work with, so much so that Grissom had assigned them cases on their own until he started getting complaints from the on-scene police officers about their short tempers and uncivil behavior. As a favor to Jim Brass, who had also unloaded on him, he'd decided that pairing them with Nick and Catherine - or, himself - was the safest route.
"All right, Nick," Grissom nodded, finally coming to a conclusion. "I think we've had enough fun. Give me Betsy's cage, will ya?"
Nick reached for the spider's cage, several shelves up behind Grissom's desk and passed it down to his boss.
"What are you gonna do?"
Removing the top, the older man shrugged. "Something I should have done three weeks ago. End this wager."
Before he was able to continue, Greg, agitated above and beyond his usual turmoil, flung open the office door, jerked himself inside, then carefully shut the door. He gave Nick a quick nod then approached Grissom's desk stiffly.
"Okay, I don't ask favors very often, but we, the lab techs of the LVPD, are revolting," he said in total seriousness.
Nick choked on his laughter and even Grissom's dour face broke into a grin. "Yes, you are, but why bring this up now?"
Vexed, Greg fixed Grissom in his sights. "Oh, that is so lame. That's beneath you. Obviously, I mean, we are in revolt!" he explained, shaking his head, even more agitated by Grissom's and Nick's lack of regard.
Seeing the clear, honest anguish in the frazzled DNA technician, Grissom sobered. "What's wrong, Greg?" he asked, his voice gentle.
Greg composed himself and placed two hands on the desk, leaning forward. "If you don't get Sara and Warrick out of the lab, we, the lab techs, will refuse to process anything. They're down there right now all but chewing each other's heads off. This is the fourth time this week they've done this and we can't think, we can't process, we can't even hear our music when they're doing that." Greg dropped to his knees, pleading with the senior CSI. "Please make them go away!"
Grissom glanced at Nick, who was nodding in sympathy with Greg. "Well, Greg, this is your lucky day. I was just about to end this nonsense."
As he was reaching in to rob Betsy, Catherine burst into the office. "That's it! I've had it! If I see Sara again this shift, I'm going to strangle her!" She slammed the door brutally hard, scaring Betsy and Greg. The spider scooted out of her cage while the tech bolted up off the floor in a near panic.
"Aw, Catherine...." Grissom whined, trying to corral the loose tarantula.
His second-in-command hammered on. "Gil!" she shouted, causing him to just miss capturing the runaway arachnid, "Do something now!"
Grissom stood up, took a deep steadying breath and looked Catherine in the eyes. "I was about to do just that when you tornadoed into my office." He caught movement in the corner of his eye. "Nick, there! Get her, will ya?"
Nick jumped to do Grissom's bidding though he wasn't exactly sure either where Betsy was or how to catch her. He had no great love of spiders.
"Look, Catherine, I've had you, Nick, Greg and Brass in here chewing my ass out over Warrick and Sara. Okay, I give up, bet is over."
Greg and Nick sighed with relief while Catherine loudly thanked the CSI gods.
Grissom's solution was interrupted when Warrick and Sara came blasting through his office door. Their verbal battling was still going loud and strong.
"Gris, tell Johnny-Come-Lately here that it's first come, first serve in DNA. He has no right to be pushing my case out of the way! Do you know he threatened Greg with physical harm?"
Warrick frowned, tension evident in every line. "I did not! And you know as well as I do that media cases always take precedence."
"Since when?"
"Since forever, Sara! Jeez, get off Planet Me, will ya?"
"You arrogant, self-righteous –"
"Oh! So, now your true colors are showing! You always have to be right!"
"You always have to be first!"
Grissom had been pushed over the edge. "Enough!" he shouted. Silence was suddenly restored, even the pedestrians in the neighboring hallways became quiet, staring in shock into Grissom's office.
The lead CSI took another steadying breath. "Catherine," he asked quietly, controlled. "Shut the door - gently, this time."
Catherine pushed the glass door closed.
"Warrick, Sara, sit," he hissed, indicating the two chairs in front of his desk.
Their eyes still sparking, the two coworkers complied, elbowing each other as they tried to pass between the chairs at the same time. Drawing a breath between clenched teeth, Warrick pulled up and stood tall, motioning with exaggerated politeness for Sara to take the first seat. The willowy brunette glared at him then walked around the chair's far side and slipped into it, avoiding going past Warrick altogether. He returned her evil stare as he seated himself.
"Now, it has been brought to my attention, by virtually everyone, that you two are becoming a bit difficult to work with." Grissom paused, letting his words sink in. "So, I think it's time for –" He paused, a different solution suddenly coming to him. "For the two of you to work together, and leave the rest of us in peace."
Grissom wasn't sure who looked more surprised - Warrick and Sara or Catherine, Nick and Greg but it was definitely the trio who saw the poetic justice in this arrangement. They beamed.
"Nick, Catherine, you two are with me. We've got an attempted heist at the Rio." Grissom smiled paternally at the pair standing by the door. "Sara and Warrick, you two get to travel tonight. A hit and run in Cal-Nev-Ari."
Catherine and Nick chuckled and even Greg looked impressed.
"What?" Warrick sniped immediately.
Sara, oddly in agreement with Warrick, added her opinion. "Where the hell is Cal-Nev-Ari?"
"Gee, Sara," Greg chided. "Where do you think?" He was immediately sorry for that when Sara's hand connected sharply with the side of his thigh. He'd thought he was out of range.
Warrick rolled his eyes, snorting, "Yeah, and I'm the one who threatened physical harm?"
"Bite me," Sara snarled at him; Warrick threw her a contemptuous kiss.
"Knock it off," Grissom's voice was a dangerous growl. He fixed the two troublemakers with a hard glare. "The sheriff out there is a friend of mine. I told her I'd send someone. Besides, it's an –" The lead CSI searched for the correct term. "– unusual place."
The combatants paused their griping. Warrick tried to remember if he'd ever been to Cal-Nev-Ari while Sara tried to decide if there really was such a place.
"What?" Grissom finally said. "It's south of Searchlight. You've got maps. Take one of the Yukons - they're fitted out better. It's kind of isolated out there."
Clearly, Warrick and Sara were being dismissed but neither was willing to leave. They traded their first non-confrontational look in days, a mixture of disbelief and trepidation.
"Gris, are you really serious?" Warrick finally asked.
One look from the older man confirmed that indeed, he was quite serious.
Shaking his head, Warrick gained his feet slowly and left the room, shaking his head. Sara was still unwilling to admit she was being condemned to a night in backwater Nevada with Warrick.
She finally stood up abruptly and stared at Grissom. "You realize we're going to kill each other and then you'll have to come and investigate."
"Nah, I'd send Nick or Catherine – or maybe someone from dayshift," he beamed. "Now run along or Warrick will leave without you."
"I should be so lucky," Sara muttered peevishly.
After she was gone, the remaining occupants let out long held breaths.
"Wow," Greg breathed.
Nick chuckled. "Are you sure this is such a great idea?"
Grissom merely fixed the younger man with a patronizing smile. "You want to go with Warrick?"
"Not if my life depended on it. But..."
"But what?"
"Something Sara said...about them killing each other."
Grissom grinned. "As Aristotle said, 'We make war so that we may live in peace'."
"While they're out making war, we get to live in peace," Catherine laughed. "I don't care what they do to each other at this point, I'm just looking forward to one shift free of sniping, growling, yelling, snide remarks and cranky comebacks."
Grissom smiled and gathered his paperwork. As he moved his team's case file, he spotted Betsy cowering in his OUT box.
"Oh, don't worry, Catherine," he said, prodding the spider back into her cage. "You've still got us."
Humor
Rating: PG13
Pairing: By default, Warrick/Sara - but probably not the way you're thinking
Disclaimer: No one is mine. I just like to make them laugh. Or to laugh with them. Okay, yes, and at them.
A/N: I apologize for the delay in posting this - the fabulous 4th of July weekend spent with several hundred thousand people at the Fair St. Louis, watching fireworks from a 25th floor balcony and then incredibly severe thunderstorms on July 5th, all combined to thwart my every attempt to get the next part up. Well, that's what I'm claiming anyway. Hope you all had as great a holiday as I did!
Chapter 6: Forget your enemies. It's the friends you frustrate that cause all the problems. – Anonymous
"I don't care if you fire me, I am not working another case with Warrick!" It was so rare to hear Nick Stokes raise his voice above a good-natured laugh, that Grissom was actually startled.
"Problems?"
Nick threw his hands up in disgust, and stormed about the confines of his supervisor's office.
"Yeah, there's problems! Jesus, Gris, if I'd had any idea this stupid bet would lead to this, I would have never agreed to go along in the first place. He's impossible! He's totally incapable of speaking in any semblance of a civil tongue. And that's if he even speaks!"
Gil Grissom could only shrug in agreement. Like Nick, he'd never imagined that Warrick and Sara would still be carrying on the wager. Now well into the second month, they'd become all but intolerable to work with, so much so that Grissom had assigned them cases on their own until he started getting complaints from the on-scene police officers about their short tempers and uncivil behavior. As a favor to Jim Brass, who had also unloaded on him, he'd decided that pairing them with Nick and Catherine - or, himself - was the safest route.
"All right, Nick," Grissom nodded, finally coming to a conclusion. "I think we've had enough fun. Give me Betsy's cage, will ya?"
Nick reached for the spider's cage, several shelves up behind Grissom's desk and passed it down to his boss.
"What are you gonna do?"
Removing the top, the older man shrugged. "Something I should have done three weeks ago. End this wager."
Before he was able to continue, Greg, agitated above and beyond his usual turmoil, flung open the office door, jerked himself inside, then carefully shut the door. He gave Nick a quick nod then approached Grissom's desk stiffly.
"Okay, I don't ask favors very often, but we, the lab techs of the LVPD, are revolting," he said in total seriousness.
Nick choked on his laughter and even Grissom's dour face broke into a grin. "Yes, you are, but why bring this up now?"
Vexed, Greg fixed Grissom in his sights. "Oh, that is so lame. That's beneath you. Obviously, I mean, we are in revolt!" he explained, shaking his head, even more agitated by Grissom's and Nick's lack of regard.
Seeing the clear, honest anguish in the frazzled DNA technician, Grissom sobered. "What's wrong, Greg?" he asked, his voice gentle.
Greg composed himself and placed two hands on the desk, leaning forward. "If you don't get Sara and Warrick out of the lab, we, the lab techs, will refuse to process anything. They're down there right now all but chewing each other's heads off. This is the fourth time this week they've done this and we can't think, we can't process, we can't even hear our music when they're doing that." Greg dropped to his knees, pleading with the senior CSI. "Please make them go away!"
Grissom glanced at Nick, who was nodding in sympathy with Greg. "Well, Greg, this is your lucky day. I was just about to end this nonsense."
As he was reaching in to rob Betsy, Catherine burst into the office. "That's it! I've had it! If I see Sara again this shift, I'm going to strangle her!" She slammed the door brutally hard, scaring Betsy and Greg. The spider scooted out of her cage while the tech bolted up off the floor in a near panic.
"Aw, Catherine...." Grissom whined, trying to corral the loose tarantula.
His second-in-command hammered on. "Gil!" she shouted, causing him to just miss capturing the runaway arachnid, "Do something now!"
Grissom stood up, took a deep steadying breath and looked Catherine in the eyes. "I was about to do just that when you tornadoed into my office." He caught movement in the corner of his eye. "Nick, there! Get her, will ya?"
Nick jumped to do Grissom's bidding though he wasn't exactly sure either where Betsy was or how to catch her. He had no great love of spiders.
"Look, Catherine, I've had you, Nick, Greg and Brass in here chewing my ass out over Warrick and Sara. Okay, I give up, bet is over."
Greg and Nick sighed with relief while Catherine loudly thanked the CSI gods.
Grissom's solution was interrupted when Warrick and Sara came blasting through his office door. Their verbal battling was still going loud and strong.
"Gris, tell Johnny-Come-Lately here that it's first come, first serve in DNA. He has no right to be pushing my case out of the way! Do you know he threatened Greg with physical harm?"
Warrick frowned, tension evident in every line. "I did not! And you know as well as I do that media cases always take precedence."
"Since when?"
"Since forever, Sara! Jeez, get off Planet Me, will ya?"
"You arrogant, self-righteous –"
"Oh! So, now your true colors are showing! You always have to be right!"
"You always have to be first!"
Grissom had been pushed over the edge. "Enough!" he shouted. Silence was suddenly restored, even the pedestrians in the neighboring hallways became quiet, staring in shock into Grissom's office.
The lead CSI took another steadying breath. "Catherine," he asked quietly, controlled. "Shut the door - gently, this time."
Catherine pushed the glass door closed.
"Warrick, Sara, sit," he hissed, indicating the two chairs in front of his desk.
Their eyes still sparking, the two coworkers complied, elbowing each other as they tried to pass between the chairs at the same time. Drawing a breath between clenched teeth, Warrick pulled up and stood tall, motioning with exaggerated politeness for Sara to take the first seat. The willowy brunette glared at him then walked around the chair's far side and slipped into it, avoiding going past Warrick altogether. He returned her evil stare as he seated himself.
"Now, it has been brought to my attention, by virtually everyone, that you two are becoming a bit difficult to work with." Grissom paused, letting his words sink in. "So, I think it's time for –" He paused, a different solution suddenly coming to him. "For the two of you to work together, and leave the rest of us in peace."
Grissom wasn't sure who looked more surprised - Warrick and Sara or Catherine, Nick and Greg but it was definitely the trio who saw the poetic justice in this arrangement. They beamed.
"Nick, Catherine, you two are with me. We've got an attempted heist at the Rio." Grissom smiled paternally at the pair standing by the door. "Sara and Warrick, you two get to travel tonight. A hit and run in Cal-Nev-Ari."
Catherine and Nick chuckled and even Greg looked impressed.
"What?" Warrick sniped immediately.
Sara, oddly in agreement with Warrick, added her opinion. "Where the hell is Cal-Nev-Ari?"
"Gee, Sara," Greg chided. "Where do you think?" He was immediately sorry for that when Sara's hand connected sharply with the side of his thigh. He'd thought he was out of range.
Warrick rolled his eyes, snorting, "Yeah, and I'm the one who threatened physical harm?"
"Bite me," Sara snarled at him; Warrick threw her a contemptuous kiss.
"Knock it off," Grissom's voice was a dangerous growl. He fixed the two troublemakers with a hard glare. "The sheriff out there is a friend of mine. I told her I'd send someone. Besides, it's an –" The lead CSI searched for the correct term. "– unusual place."
The combatants paused their griping. Warrick tried to remember if he'd ever been to Cal-Nev-Ari while Sara tried to decide if there really was such a place.
"What?" Grissom finally said. "It's south of Searchlight. You've got maps. Take one of the Yukons - they're fitted out better. It's kind of isolated out there."
Clearly, Warrick and Sara were being dismissed but neither was willing to leave. They traded their first non-confrontational look in days, a mixture of disbelief and trepidation.
"Gris, are you really serious?" Warrick finally asked.
One look from the older man confirmed that indeed, he was quite serious.
Shaking his head, Warrick gained his feet slowly and left the room, shaking his head. Sara was still unwilling to admit she was being condemned to a night in backwater Nevada with Warrick.
She finally stood up abruptly and stared at Grissom. "You realize we're going to kill each other and then you'll have to come and investigate."
"Nah, I'd send Nick or Catherine – or maybe someone from dayshift," he beamed. "Now run along or Warrick will leave without you."
"I should be so lucky," Sara muttered peevishly.
After she was gone, the remaining occupants let out long held breaths.
"Wow," Greg breathed.
Nick chuckled. "Are you sure this is such a great idea?"
Grissom merely fixed the younger man with a patronizing smile. "You want to go with Warrick?"
"Not if my life depended on it. But..."
"But what?"
"Something Sara said...about them killing each other."
Grissom grinned. "As Aristotle said, 'We make war so that we may live in peace'."
"While they're out making war, we get to live in peace," Catherine laughed. "I don't care what they do to each other at this point, I'm just looking forward to one shift free of sniping, growling, yelling, snide remarks and cranky comebacks."
Grissom smiled and gathered his paperwork. As he moved his team's case file, he spotted Betsy cowering in his OUT box.
"Oh, don't worry, Catherine," he said, prodding the spider back into her cage. "You've still got us."