6/23/04

LOVE'S LOST CHILDREN

Chapter 2

Once again, Laura sat in Life Station receiving her chemotherapy treatment. The frequency of the treatments had been increased to twice a week since she had refused to allow the doctors to put the central line in, insisting that she wasn't ready to take that step yet. The doctors hadn't pushed it. For now, she was holding her own. The cancer wasn't in remission, but it wasn't spreading either, at least not yet. Laura wanted to take advantage of these early, relatively good days for as long as she could. There was still a lot she wanted to get done before she was forced to bow to the inevitable and step down from her office.

The door to the private room she was lying in, one of the few in Life Station, opened to admit Mother Naomi, looking serenely composed, as ever. Cassie, the medical technician who was monitoring the treatment, stood when the priest entered. The younger woman gave some vague excuse and discreetly left the two women to talk.

"How is it that you always know when my treatments are?" Laura asked.

"I make it a point to know. After all, part of a chaplain's duties is to make Life Station visits and you are my patient."

"Oh, so I'm just another duty, am I?" Laura said in mock indignation. "And here I thought you just liked to chat with me."

"Oh, but I do like our chats! That's why I'm always here so promptly."

"Yes, promptly after they've put the needle in. I notice that you never seem to get here in time to see that."

"My vows say that I have to offer comfort and guidance to those in need of them, but it doesn't say anything about watching anybody put needles into veins. That's where I draw the line. I do not like needles," the priest said emphatically. Seeing the other woman's smile, she added, "Well, you're certainly in better spirits today. Did you get a good night's sleep?"

"Yes, I did, eventually. It didn't start off too well, at first. I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare... You know, the one I told you about, with the clawing hands?"

"Mmmhmm," Naomi murmured, nodding.

"I needed to get up and move around, so I went for a walk. While I was out walking the hallways, I encountered... some congenial company and we talked. When I returned to my room, I was able to sleep much better."

"That's wonderful! So, considering the glow in your cheeks, may I be so bold as to ask whether this 'congenial company' was of the male persuasion?"

"Yes, he was."

"Ooh, do tell, do tell," Naomi said, pulling a stool up beside the bed and seating herself.

"It was nothing like that. We just had a nice chat."

"Chatting is good. I mean, you gotta start somewhere."

"Yes, but start what? What right do I have to start something that I can't finish?"

"You have as much right to a relationship as anyone else. Laura, you're not dead yet. And who knows what the future holds. The doctors may be able to beat this thing and you could have many, long years ahead of you. Or the Cylons could find us tomorrow and we could all be dead. At this point in time, none of us can make any guarantees about how long we'll be around. None of us knows how much time we have left. If you have a chance at some kind of happiness, I say, grab it, with both hands!"

Laura was silent for a long time, digesting this. Eventually she asked, "Can I ask you a very personal question?"

"Sure. I ask my patients personal questions all the time. Why shouldn't they be able to ask them too?"

"Well, you said that your order didn't require chastity... So, when's the last time had sex?"

"Oh wow, that's a tough one. It's been a while. I mean, I know I talk a good game, but that's all it is. I haven't had sex since... Wow, before I went to seminary. Why? How long has it been for you?"

"A long time," Laura agreed, nodding. "Shortly after my husband and I got divorced, I was feeling very lonely and frustrated. I went to a bar, picked up some guy and took him back to my apartment. The next morning I found that this hadn't made me feel any less lonely. In fact, I felt worse. Waking up alone after having had sex will do that to you. Anyway, I decided not to do that again. And I didn't, because, as it turned out, I never had sex again... It's been a long time.

"You know, after a while, you sort of forget about it and you don't care anymore. But then eventually, you realize that no one else cares either. It's like you start to radiate this vibe that says, 'I'm not interested' and men stop flirting with you and they stop looking. Now, most of the time this is just fine, but sometimes, it is nice to be reminded that you are still a sexual being.

"And then, suddenly, out of the blue, along comes someone who sort of wakes you up. Makes you think to yourself, 'Oh yeah, that's what all that hoopla was about. I remember this. I remember what desire feels like and what it feels like to be desired. I could sure go for some of that right about now.' But, of course, now it's too late. You're old and you've been left behind."

"Ah, so I take it that Mr. Congeniality is a younger man?"

"Young enough to be my son," Laura admitted sadly.

"Oh, that's my girl!" Naomi said, squeezing the other woman's arm and smiling broadly.

"You are incorrigible!" Laura groaned, although she was smiling too.

"What? What is the problem? Men have been getting away with crap like that for centuries. Why should they get to have all the fun? I mean, he is of legal age, isn't he?"

"Of course!"

"Well, alright then! As long as everybody involved is a legally consenting adult, where is the problem? Why do people feel the need to put boundaries on love? 'I'm sorry, you can't love that person because they're too young, or too old, or the wrong sex...' What possible difference could it make? Especially to anyone not directly involved. It's none of their damn business."

"Wow, that must have been one hell of a liberal order you belonged to," Laura said, laughing.

"Oh, very!"

As their laughter died away, Laura groaned and said, "I don't know if he's even interested in me. For all I know, I remind him of his mother."

"Well, that could be, but I doubt it. You are a beautiful woman, Laura Roslin."

"Oh, sure, for my age..."

"What? Only young women are allowed to be beautiful now? What have they done to deserve such praise? Have they truly lived yet? No! That's why their faces are so smooth, they haven't lived long enough to form true expressions. And, frankly, the only wrinkles I see on your face, are those little ones at the corners of your eyes. They're called laugh lines. And what's wrong with them? Oh, my Lords, you've laughed a few times over the years! What could be more beautiful than a woman who has lived a life filled with laughter and wears the marks of that laughter etched indelibly upon her face?"

"Thank you," Laura said softly, squeezing the younger woman's hand.

"Any time, that's what I'm here for, to prop up your ego... Now, I don't know who this Mr. Congeniality is, but my advice to you, is talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you're dealing with. Let him decide for himself what he wants to do. Now, he may very well decide that he's not interested or that you've got too much emotional baggage that he doesn't want to deal with and he may very well choose to walk away... But, then again, he might not. And frankly, I think that's what scares you more. Not that he will walk away, but that he won't. Because then you'll have to deal with all those emotions that you've tried so very hard to forget."

------------------------------------------------

It was several days later that Laura was down on the hangar deck waiting for her shuttle pilot to fly her over to The Amazon. She had arranged a meeting with Capt. Hippolyte, the captain of the freighter. Laura had been waiting for fifteen minutes for the pilot to show up and she was starting to get annoyed. She had about a half hour until her appointment and she didn't like to keep people waiting for her, it looked unprofessional.

As she stood watching all the seemingly chaotic activity around her, she heard an announcement over the loudspeakers, saying something about incoming Vipers. A few minutes later, two enormous hydraulic platforms lowered from the ceiling, each bearing a Viper on it, one a Mk II, the other a Mk VII. Laura was actually quite proud of the fact that she could now distinguish between the two models. For a woman who previously would have been hard-pressed to correctly identify which was a Viper and which was a Raptor, this was quite a leap.

"Madam President, was there something you needed?" a male voice interrupted her perusal of the hangar.

Laura turned to her right to find a young petty officer in the white coveralls of a safety officer standing beside her. "Yes, my shuttle pilot," she said. "He was supposed to meet me here fifteen minutes ago."

The young man consulted the clipboard in his hand. "Um, I don't see anything about a shuttle flight being scheduled..."

"I scheduled the flight two days ago."

"Okay, let me go talk to Chief Fisher, on the ground crew, and see if he knows anything about this."

Laura sighed a bit impatiently as she watched him walk a short distance away. He returned a moment later with another, slightly older, young man dressed in orange coveralls.

"No, sir, I'm sorry, but there's no shuttle flight scheduled for today," the Chief said.

"Well, can you get one ready?"

"Uh, no sir. You see, all of the shuttle pilots are off duty for the day or are off the ship at one of the civilian vessels. I'm terribly sorry about the mix up, but..."

As the man continued to ramble through his apologies and explanations, Laura found her thoughts and eyes drifting as she noticed Capt. Apollo approaching from the direction of the just-landed Vipers. He was talking with a slightly younger woman with dark hair that Laura did not recognize. Completely tuning out the Chief, she could just catch what Apollo was saying.

"Your landings are still a little shaky, but they're getting better," he said to the other pilot.

"I know, sir. It's just that we had the auto landing systems on the Pegasus. I'm not used to these manual landings. I haven't done them since Viper Training. And it's so much harder than I remember it."

"I know, don't worry, we'll work on it," he said and, as his eyes casually scanned the deck, he caught sight of Laura. "Anyway," he continued to the other pilot, "go and enjoy some downtime, Mouse, it was a good patrol."

"Thank you, sir," the girl said as she continued on her way.

Lee slowed his pace and headed over to the president.

"Good evening, Madam President, is there a problem?" he asked, glancing at the two petty officers as well.

"Apparently there's been a miscommunication about a shuttle flight that I thought I had scheduled for right now and I am expected to meet with Capt. Hippolyte on board The Amazon in..." She checked her watch. "Fifteen minutes."

"Are there any shuttles available?" Lee asked, turning to Chief Fisher.

"Yes sir, I can have a shuttle ready in a matter of minutes. The problem is that there aren't any available shuttle pilots."

"Oh, well, I can fly her over there."

"Um, with all due respect, sir," the safety officer spoke up, "but you just finished a six hour patrol and... well, how long has it been since you last flew a shuttle?"

"I think I can still manage it," Lee said, a bit defensively. "And as for my having just flown a patrol, it's not like I'll be flying the entire time the president is meeting with The Amazon's captain."

The two non-commission officers exchanged quick looks and Chief Fisher said, "Okay, I'll have a shuttle ready for you in a few minutes."

"You don't have to do this, Captain," Laura said, after the two younger men had left. "I don't want to impose on you if you're too tired."

"No, it's fine," he said quickly. "I wouldn't mind checking up on a few things on The Amazon anyway."

"Thank you, Captain."

"Any time."

As he had pointed out to the safety officer, it only took Lee a few minutes to reacquaint himself with the shuttle's controls and then they were on their way. After boarding the shuttle, out of habit, Laura took a seat in the passenger area.

"You're welcome to sit up here with me," Lee called to her from the control area.

"Oh, I assumed that would be against some regulation," she said, moving to sit in the empty co-pilot's seat.

"Actually, it probably is, but I won't tell, if you won't."

She smiled at him. Turning back to examine the controls in front of her, she asked, "Why are there two sets of controls? Are we supposed to have a co-pilot? I don't remember a co-pilot on any of my other flights."

"No, one person can fly this thing. But for certain maneuvers or for longer flights, it's nice to have company, or a navigator. And for longer flights, you can take turns flying with the other person and with two sets of controls, you don't have to keep switching seats."

Margaret "Migs" Hippolyte was waiting for them on board The Amazon. She looked much the same as she had when Lee had previously visited the freighter. She was even wearing the same grease-stained coveralls. She shook hands with both of them as she greeted them.

"Well, Apollo, it's nice to see you again," Migs said. "I didn't realize that you would be coming as well."

"It's a long story," Laura said.

"Aren't they all?"

"Tell me," Lee spoke up, "how's Tara?"

"She didn't make it. She died about a month ago. Just let herself waste away."

"Oh, I'm sorry... Uh, how's Krista?"

"Now there's a happier ending. She's doing fine. She's fit in real well around here, gets along wonderfully with the other girls. Anyway, come with me. We can talk in my quarters."

The three were about to leave the cargo area, when a small child with unevenly bobbed blonde hair came toddling up to Lee. The child was about two or three years old and was wearing a light green sleeper suit. She stopped a few feet from the young man and regarded him quite gravely with a pair of dark blue eyes. The captain returned her gaze with an equally serious one.

The two women stopped and turned back to watch this exchange and Laura couldn't help but smile at the odd sight of the young man and the small child staring at each other so somberly. After a long moment, the child seemed to decide that Lee was safe and she stepped closer and extended her arms out to him in that universal child's sign language: pick me up. The young man seemed hesitant, glancing over at Migs, silently seeking permission.

"Go on," the woman urged. "She's not going to leave you alone until you pick her up."

With a smile, Lee obediently bent and pulled the girl into his arms. Wrapping her little legs tightly around his waist, she continued to look at him, unsmiling. Reaching out, she began lightly running her small hands over his cheeks and jaw.

"Do I need a shave?" he asked her. When she made no response, he asked, "What's your name?"

"Her name's Becca," Migs answered. "She doesn't talk."

"No? Why not?"

"Well, when I was down on Saggitarion, picking up the children, her mother came up to me and thrust her into my arms. She told me the child's name was Rebecca, but that she preferred to be called Becca, asked that I please save her, and then she disappeared back into the crowd. As young as the child is, I would have taken the mother as well, but she never gave me the chance to make the offer. After I took off from the planet, the child spent about an hour crying for her mother. But when her mother obviously never came back, she just sort of quieted down and hasn't spoken a word since. She hasn't smiled since then either. I don't even know what her last name is... You know, I don't think she's ever been around too many men before. I don't think she quite knows what to make of you, Apollo."

Lee smiled as the child continued to touch his face in fascination. After a minute or two, he moved to set her back down, but she immediately clung to him and began making high pitched sounds of distress. He quickly pulled her close again and she fell silent once more.

"I think you have a new friend, Captain," Laura said, smiling.

"Come on," Migs said, starting out of the cargo bay, "just bring her along."

Inside Migs' small living quarters, the two women sat themselves at the small table, while Lee wandered passed them to a cozy little sitting area, where there was a large, overstuffed armchair. Sitting down on it, he settled Becca more comfortably in his lap. She sat still facing him, her legs straddling his lap. Catching sight of the shiny clasp at the front of his flight suit, she immediately attacked it, trying to separate the sections with her small, chubby fingers. Lee leaned back in the chair, content to simply watch the child's attempts to undress him.

"Would you like some tea?" Migs asked Laura.

"That would be lovely, thank you."

"Tea, Apollo?"

"Oh, no, thank you. We're good," he said, indicating Becca as well, who was still working doggedly on the stubborn clasp.

It took only a few minutes for the tea to be prepared in Migs' small, but powerful, micro-cooker. Setting the two steaming mugs on the table, the older woman settled herself in her chair and she and the president got down to business.

"We're going to need to find new ships for many of your passengers," Laura began. "Your ship is well over its maximum passenger capacity and you, yourself, have indicated that your life support systems are being overtaxed."

"Yeah, I know, but I've talked to the girls about it and none of them want to leave, none of them. Now, obviously the children, like Becca, can't really speak for themselves, but the older girls have gotten quite attached to them and I do not want to separate them. Becca's already been traumatized by being separated from her mother, what will it do to her if she's separated from all these girls who have become like sisters to her?"

"I understand that, truly I do, but how much more strain can your ship take? It was never really designed to be a passenger vessel. Now, it is possible that we could move you and all your girls to a bigger ship. The Sylph, for example has hardly any passengers. We could move them here, or to other ships, and move all of you to The Sylph. She is designed to carry passengers. I think your girls would be more comfortable there."

"Not bloody likely!" Migs snapped. "One of my girls was originally on that ship. She was attacked there. That's why she's here. Apollo brought her here." She gestured over to the young man in question, who seemed to have his attention focused on Becca and was apparently not listening to the conversation of the two women.

"No, I won't ask Krista to go back there," Migs continued. "Nor will I ask any of the other girls to go there. Frankly, from what Krista's told all of us about that ship, I think it's cursed. If it were up to me, I'd get all the passengers off it, strip it of anything useful and leave it behind."

"We can't do that. We need all the ships we can get. We can't afford to just leave one behind. I'll think about it some more. Maybe there's another ship we could switch you with."

"Look, Madam President, not to be a complete pain in your ass, but this is my ship. I worked my entire life to save up the money to buy her and now she's all I have left. I do not want to just give her up to another captain. She's mine."

Laura sighed and sipped at her tea. She didn't know what to do about this situation. She understood how Migs felt. The ship was the last connection she had to her former life. She also understood how all the girls felt. Migs was a good woman. She had risked her life to save all of theirs. It was only natural that they should feel so fiercely loyal to her. But the bottom line was that the ship would not hold up under the strain. Something had to be done.

After a long silence, she said, "Well, perhaps there's some way that the ship could be modified... to, I don't know, boost the life support systems. Would that be acceptable?"

"If it would allow all of us to stay here, I'd agree to just about anything."

"We can ask Capt. Apollo to speak to someone in the Galactica's engineering division," Laura said, starting to turn in her chair to look at Lee. The sight she encountered made her breath catch in her throat.

Both Lee and Becca had fallen asleep in the chair. The child lay sprawled across the young man's stomach and chest, her small body rising and falling slightly with his deep breathing. Her face was turned to the side and one thumb was in her mouth. Lee's head was propped against the high side of the chair, his chin resting lightly on the top of the child's head, one arm wrapped protectively around her body.

"Lords, is there anything more beautiful than a man who has a natural way with children?" Migs asked, coming to stand beside Laura's chair.

The president said nothing, not yet trusting herself to speak. Realizing, with more than a little regret, that she was going to have to disturb this touching tableau, she started to get to her feet. As she did, she was hit by one of her annoyingly, more frequent, dizzy spells and was forced to grab onto the table to keep from falling. Standing right beside her, Migs could not have failed to notice this.

"Sit," the older woman ordered gently.

As Laura obeyed, Migs moved back to her own chair, across the table from the president. The gray-haired captain simply sat staring intently at the younger woman, her expression unreadable. Laura quickly grew uncomfortable under that scrutiny and sought for a plausible explanation for her momentary weakness. Eventually, she settled for the one she used the most.

"I'm afraid, I skipped dinner today," she said, with a forced smile. "I just couldn't face one more plate of reconstituted protein hash. Obviously that was a bad idea."

"No, you didn't," Migs said matter-of-factly. Then, after a long pause, she asked, very softly, "Is it cancer?"

"How did you know?" Laura asked, numbly.

"Been there, done that. I recognized the signs. I had liver cancer about fifteen years back."

"Liver cancer? That has a very low survival rate. How did you beat it?"

"To tell the truth, I don't really know. I had a friend who was part of this weird religious sect. They went around worshipping trees and shit. Anyway, as a result, she had fairly extensive knowledge of plant life and she made me this 'tonic' that she said would 'destroy the toxins and flush them out of my system'. Now I'm not a particularly religious woman, but I thought, 'what the hell,' anything's got to be better than that damn chemotherapy, which seemed to be killing me faster than the cancer. So, I told my doctors to get bent and I started taking my friend's tonic. Well, after a while, the cancer was gone. I don't claim to know how it worked or if it really even did. Frankly, I don't care. I'm cancer free and have been for fifteen years. That's good enough for me... I still have a bottle of it, if you want it."

"Are you sure you want to give it up?"

"I don't need it anymore, but maybe it can help you."

"Sure, what the hell."

"Exactly," Migs said approvingly.

Standing, she went to one of the cupboards that lined the walls on both sides of the table. After several minutes of searching, she returned to the table with a sizable bottle containing about a liter of a clear, colorless liquid. She handed the bottle to Laura, who removed the cork- lined stopper and took an experimental sniff. She quickly recoiled from the distinctive odor.

"Uh, yeah," Migs said sheepishly, "one of the main ingredients is pure grain alcohol."

"Mmmhmm," Laura murmured, her eyes watering slightly.

"You don't want to be taking any of that just before you operate any heavy machinery."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You just take a healthy snort, once in the morning and once at night, just before you go to bed. I find that it actually helps you sleep better."

"Oh, I'll bet it does."

The two women chuckled for a few minutes and Laura added, "Thank you."

"Tell you what, you can repay my by finding a way to keep me, my girls and my ship all together."

"I'll do my best. And now, I think I've taken up enough of your time. I think we should go and wake up our sleeping beauties."

Neither being sure how violently the young man might react to being woken, the two women decided that the most prudent course of action, would be to remove Becca from possible harm's way, before attempting to awaken Lee. But as Migs tried to gently move his arm from around the child, Lee instantly came awake, reflexively pulling the girl in tighter. Blinking up at the two women, he quickly remembered where he was and realized what they were doing. He relaxed his grip on the still-sleeping child and allowed Migs to lift her off his lap.

Rubbing his hands over his face for a moment to clear his head, Lee said, "Oh Lords, I'm sorry. I'm really embarrassed."

"Don't be, Captain," Laura said. "You're exhausted. I shouldn't have asked you to fly me over here."

"You didn't, remember? I volunteered."

"Are you going to be alright to fly us back to the Galactica?"

"Yeah, just give me a second to finish waking up," he said, running a hand through his close-cropped hair.

After a few minutes, the three adults, with Migs carrying Becca, started back toward the cargo bay where the shuttle was waiting. As they were passing through the halls, they ran into Krista, who was approaching with another girl. Krista broke into a huge grin as she spotted Lee.

"Capt. Adama, it's good to see you again!" she said.

"Yes, it's good to see you, too. You're looking much better."

"I'm doing much better. I can't thank you enough for getting me off The Sylph."

"Well, I'm just glad that I was there to help."

"Krista, could you take Becca and put her to bed? She should have been there hours ago," Migs said.

"Oh, sure," the young woman said, taking the sleeping child. With a last smile at Lee, Krista and her companion continued on their way.

Arriving at the cargo bay, Lee and Laura turned to take their leave of Migs. As they did, Lee spied the bottle in the president's hand.

"What's that?" he asked, gesturing to it.

"Oh, uh, it's..."

"It's an old herbal sleep aid," Migs said dryly. "While you were napping, Pres. Roslin and I discussed her insomnia."

"Oh, okay, sorry..." he mumbled, beginning to blush slightly.

Smiling, Migs gave his shoulder a pat. "Relax, Son, I'm just giving you a hard time." Turning back to Laura, she said, "Now, you'll look into our situation, won't you?"

"Yes, I will," the younger woman promised.

"Situation?" Lee asked, confused.

"You were sleeping," Laura said. "Don't worry, I'll fill you in on the way back to the Galactica."

"Right."

"You take care of yourself," Migs said to the smaller woman, abruptly pulling her into a fierce hug.

Laura said nothing, too surprised by this unexpected show of affection to speak.

Migs then turned to Lee with a suddenly stern look on her face. "Now, you take good care of her, you hear me?" she said. "You fly carefully. The well being of the human race is in this woman's hands. You treat her like gold."

"Yes sir!" Lee said earnestly, slightly taken aback.

Turning back to Laura, the older woman said, "I like this boy, he follows orders well. You should keep him around."

Laura said nothing, but felt her face flush slightly. As she and Lee turned to board their shuttle, Lee stopped when he felt a tug on the leg of his flight suit. Looking down, he saw that Becca had found him again. He crouched down beside the child.

"I thought you were in bed," he commented. "What can I do for you?"

From behind her back, the girl produced a small, well-loved stuffed animal, which she thrust into his hand. Examining it closer, he found that it was a unicorn. It's once white fur was now a matted, pale gray with several small bald patches. The stuffing in the chubby legs was now lumped together and they flopped loosely from the point where they joined to the body. It was missing one glossy, black eye, but the distinctive single horn still stood proudly, if slightly bent, from the beast's forehead and was made from a shiny, slightly opalescent material.

"Wow," Lee said, in an appropriately impressed voice, "this is very nice."

He pretended to admire it for a few more seconds then offered it back to her. Becca shook her head and pushed it firmly back towards him. It was obvious that the child was not just showing it to him. She was giving it to him.

"Uh, okay... Thank you, Becca. Thank you, very much," he said sincerely.

The child gave him a very solemn nod, then turned and ran from the cargo bay as quickly as her chubby, little legs would carry her. Standing, he turned back to the two women, who were both watching him and looking slightly misty-eyed. He stepped closer to them, holding the toy out to Migs.

"I think she'll change her mind and want this back soon," he said.

"Oh, no, Apollo, she obviously wanted you to have that."

"Right," he said, slightly embarrassed.

The short flight back to the Galactica was uneventful. Leaving the hangar deck, they paused for a moment in the corridor, as they would be heading in opposite directions to return to their respective quarters.

"Well, thank you again for flying me to The Amazon," Laura said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Sure, no problem. Anytime you're short a shuttle pilot, just let me know."

"I'll do that. Good night, Apollo."

"Good night, Laura."

To be continued...

---Author's note: Wow, I'm not sure where that came from. For me, that was awfully fluffy. Especially when you consider that I don't even like kids. Anyway, I apologize if anybody's teeth were hurting from the sugary sweetness. Also, to anyone who hasn't read it, the introduction of Migs and The Amazon are in my story "All the Pretty Little Horses."