6/26/04
LOVE'S LOST CHILDREN
Chapter 3
Over the next few evenings, Laura found herself spending more and more time wandering the halls of the Galactica. She told herself that she did it to escape the confines of her empty room. Or because she found the movement conducive to thought and she was still puzzling over the dilemma of what to do about the overcrowded Amazon. But, despite the validity of these justifications, the whole truth included the fact that she still felt her heart rate quicken every time she heard the sound of running footsteps approaching her. Unfortunately, it seemed that Capt. Apollo was not the only person who used the Galactica's hallways as an indoor track. She had been nearly run down at least four times this week, but so far, had not encountered the younger Adama. In fact, she hadn't seen him at all since their visit to The Amazon.
As she had promised she would, she had spoken to the Galactica's chief engineer, a tall, coldly efficient man in his early forties, who had made it very clear to Laura, that he had more important concerns than trying to accommodate a bunch of difficult adolescent girls. And she supposed that the man had a point, keeping the battlestar's engines and two reactor cores running smoothly was more important than the situation on The Amazon, but that didn't change the fact that she had made a promise and she intended to keep it.
She had not been taking any of Migs' mysterious tonic. The bottle sat untouched on her bedside table. She always lost her nerve when it came time for her now-daily chemo treatments and dutifully went to the Life Station. But she had asked Dr. Soter what he knew about alternative cancer treatments. The young man had paused in administering his tests and pulled up a stool beside her bed.
"Look Laura, I won't lie to you, there have been reported success stories of people beating cancer through various alternative methods, stuff like herbal remedies, prayer therapy, faith healing. But none of these methods have any kind of consistent success rate. The bottom line is that the human body has enormous, untapped potential for healing itself. Unfortunately we don't know how it works and therefore, don't know how to tap into this potential. There's still so much about the human body, particularly the brain, that we still don't understand. For whatever reason, some people seem to be able to tap into this healing potential, but we don't know how or why. Personally, I wouldn't want to bank my life on something that vague and unproven, but then I'm a doctor.
"Now, if we were back on the Colonies, in a proper oncology center, there would be more options open to us, but obviously we're not. We have to make do with the limited resources and equipment available on the Galactica, and your best bet is to continue with the chemo. I still really wish you would let us put a central line in. It would deliver more meds, at a quicker rate..."
"I'll think about it," Laura said.
Dr. Soter nodded and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before he returned to his tests. A few minutes after this conversation, Naomi had entered the room, which now seemed to be held in permanent reserve for the president's use. Taking the stool that Dr. Soter had vacated, Naomi picked up Laura's hand, smiling comfortingly.
"Tell me what you know about faith healing," Laura asked before the other woman could even give her greeting.
"Okay," Naomi said, slightly taken aback by the abrupt request. "Well, I'm not really sure what it is that you want to know, so I can only tell you about my experience with it. When I was in college, getting my psychology degree, one of my best friends was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. By the time the doctors discovered it, it was already fairly advanced. They told her that she was going to need a complete hysterectomy. She was 23. Well, she wasn't ready to give up on the idea of having children yet. She found out about a revival meeting in town, with a faith healer. She and I had know each other most of our lives. Our families had gone to the same church, so she asked me to go with her...
"I saw something that day, Laura, that I've never been able to explain. I saw that healer place his hand on my friend's abdomen and I saw a brilliant, white light surround the two of them. I talked to the other people who were standing beside me and they said that they hadn't seen anything. And I believe them, but I know what I saw. I saw the hands of our Lords... When my friend went back to her doctors, they found that her cancer was completely gone, not in remission, gone... I can't explain it, maybe I had a hallucination, maybe I saw what I wanted to see and my friend just got very, very lucky, but I don't think so. I can tell you that that was the day I decided to become a priest."
"Could you duplicate it? Could you heal me?"
Naomi leaned forward and gently touched Laura's face. "I'm sorry, Laura, but my faith can't heal you. Only yours can," she said softly.
"I was afraid you'd say that. I don't think my faith has ever been that strong and after all this, it's almost non-existent."
"I have seen people pull through some pretty rough injuries and illnesses simply because they had someone or something to live for, something that gave them an anchor to their life. Do you have that?"
"All I have is my job, my duties..."
"Do you feel strongly enough about them, that those feelings might hold you here?"
"Probably not," Laura said in a tired voice, "frankly their exhausting me."
"What about someone? Love is just another form of faith. Have you told Mr. Congeniality how you feel about him?"
"No."
"Well, perhaps that's another reason why you should..."
The sound of voices moving towards her, drew Laura back to the present and she looked around, once more taking note of her surroundings. Glancing at the door she was passing, she saw that it was the door to the pilots' quarters. It was with a slight flutter in her stomach that she realized that one of the voices approaching her was Capt. Apollo's.
He appeared from around a bend in the corridor, walking towards her and talking with Lt. Thrace. The two young people had obviously been running, as they were both sweaty and wearing running clothes. Upon seeing Laura, Lee's face broke into a warm smile. She felt her knees turn to water at that smile. Lords, she thought to herself, distinctly aware of the heat rising in her face, I'm as bad as a schoolgirl with her first crush. I am entirely too old to be feeling like this.
"Madam President, I meant to go and talk to you today, but I was so busy..." he began, as the two pilots drew up to her.
"Oh? What is it?"
"Well, I think I may have found a solution to the situation on The Amazon... Well, Luther Vulcanus found the solution."
"That's wonderful, but... who?"
"Come into my office and I can explain," he said, gesturing for her to follow him.
Opening the hatch to the pilots' quarters, the three stepped into a short hallway. On the left side was another door, which stood ajar and through which, Laura caught a glimpse of the large barracks area where the pilots slept. On the right, was a closed door which bore Lee's name and title. Pausing in front of his door, he glanced back at Lt. Thrace.
"I'm heading for a shower then straight to bed," the blonde said. "I'll see you in the morning, Lee."
"Good night, Kara."
Opening the door to his office, Lee ushered Laura inside, flipping the light switch as he entered. The first thing in the room that Laura's eyes fell on was the bed, built into the bulkhead wall opposite the door. Despite knowing that she was behaving foolishly, the sight of that neatly- made bed, had the color rising in her cheeks all the faster. Quickly chastising herself for her immature thoughts, she told herself that she should have realized that Apollo's office would also be his quarters. After all, even the commander's office doubled as his living quarters. It was just that in the elder Adama's case the two spaces were larger and more distinctly separated.
"So, what is this solution you've discovered?" Laura asked, trying to force her mind back to the reason she was in the room. "And who is this Luther...?"
"Vulcanus," Lee provided. "He's the chief engineer on board The Bird of Paradise. The man's a genius, which is why I knew that if anyone could solve this problem, it would be him. And he did not disappoint me."
The young man was smiling broadly and practically bouncing on his seat, where he had perched on the edge of his cluttered desk. Laura found herself smiling, unable to resist his infectious enthusiasm.
"Alright, you've piqued my curiosity," she said encouragingly, seating herself in the chair behind the desk.
"Alright, as you know, The Bird of Paradise has four shuttles. What you probably don't know, is that it also has four emergency survival pods. Now, these pods aren't terribly big, but they do have their own life support systems and complete facilities. Vulcanus thinks that these pods could be attached directly onto The Amazon. This would give them more space, more privacy and more facilities. Luther says that he can patch the life support systems from the pods into The Amazon's life support system, thereby boosting all of them.
"I've run this idea past our chief engineer and our chief Viper mechanic, Tyrol, and they all agree that this is feasible. It's going to take some work, but it's definitely do-able. Vulcanus has already volunteered his services and those of his people, and Tyrol said that he can probably spare a few techs here and there... But wait, before you get too excited, there is one snag."
"What?" Laura asked, feeling her elation rapidly seeping away.
"All of this will have to be approved by the commanders in question. My father will have to approve the use of our people, but I don't think that will be a problem. Migs, of course, will have to approve the plan, but I think that will be a given. The problem is probably going to be Capt. Adonis. He never told me about these survival pods during my inspection of The Paradise. I can't help thinking that there was a reason for that. I don't think he's going to want to give them up."
"Oh, don't worry about that, Captain," Laura said, a note of steel entering her voice. "He will agree to give them up. I won't give him a choice."
Lee smiled, feeling a slight thrill at the look of determination on her face. She returned his smile, saying, "You did all of this on your own?"
"Yeah, I wanted to surprise you."
Feeling a sudden, overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude; she stood and leaned across the desk, to take his face between both of her hands. "You are an absolute treasure," she said earnestly, kissing him soundly.
She immediately regretted this impulsive act, as she felt his body stiffen. Although the kiss had been fairly chaste, she had obviously badly misread the situation. Gently, but firmly, he pulled away from her and took a few steps back from the desk. She was about to make her apologies, but he beat her to it.
"I'm sorry," he said, still smiling and blushing slightly. "I didn't mean to push you away. It's just... I really need to take a shower." He emphasized this point by plucking at the front of his sweat-damp t-shirt.
Laura laughed, partly in relief and partly in response to his self- conscious, but very endearing, vanity. "I'm sorry, Captain, I won't keep you any longer. I'll leave you to it," she said, starting to rise.
"No, no, you can stay," he said quickly. "Please... stay. Uh, just give me ten minutes?"
"Alright," she said softly, sitting back down. "I'll just wait right here."
He quickly grabbed a few things before disappearing into the small attached bathroom, that Laura hadn't even been aware was there. Within minutes, she heard the soft sound of running water. Suddenly feeling as if her stomach were filled with wriggling spiders who were trying to climb out of her throat, she looked around the room, trying to distract her suddenly over-active thoughts. Unfortunately there wasn't much in the room to provide distraction. There was nothing in the way of personal effects. Everything in the room had a utilitarian and, very military, purpose. She knew that Lee had only been temporarily assigned to the Galactica, so any personal items he had were probably destroyed with his other ship, but she couldn't help wondering if his quarters there were also this devoid of personality.
Turning her attention to the desk in front of her, the only part of the room that wasn't meticulously neat, she noted that even his clutter had a certain amount of order to it. The papers were all neatly stacked, the pens and pencils all grouped together within easy reach. As her gaze took in the small desktop computer, she noticed something leaning against the flat screen, partially obscured by a stack of papers. Leaning, to look around them, she discovered the grubby, stuffed unicorn propped up against the computer, like some sad, little guardian. Slowly, she reached out and picked it up. Looking down at it, she couldn't help but feel herself smile.
The door to the bathroom opened and Lee stepped back into the room. His hair was still damp and he was now wearing a pair of loose, olive green work pants and a gray t-shirt that was slightly too small for him. Although Laura was certainly not going to complain about the way that it hugged the flat plane of his stomach or the width of his shoulders. She held the unicorn out for him to see.
"Most men probably would have thrown this away," she said.
"Yeah, well, I really do think Becca's going to want it back eventually," he said, somewhat self-consciously. "I mean, it's not like she can replace it very easily. So, I figured that I would just hang onto it for her."
"Mmmhmm," Laura murmured, smiling. "I think I've just discovered your secret. You're a lot more human than you like to let on."
As she spoke, she moved closer. She slid one hand up to cup his jaw and ran her thumb lightly over his cheek. The skin felt smooth and surprisingly soft. She realized that he must have taken the time to shave as well. She found the thought that he had taken this extra step rather touching. Drawing him closer, she kissed him again.
It had been such a long time since she had even enjoyed the pure sensuality of a long, slow kiss that she wanted to take her time, allow herself to fully experience every sensation, to explore and memorize every movement and taste of the warm pliant mouth against hers, at her leisure. Lee seemed to be aware of this and seemed perfectly content to let her set the pace for this seduction. He slid his hands around her waist and pulled her even closer, but did nothing that would have made her feel rushed or pressured. She felt safe and secure with him in a way that she hadn't felt in what seemed like a lifetime.
As they continued with this deliberate intimacy, Laura found her hands taking on thoughts of their own. She didn't seem to be consciously controlling them as they glided from his face, down his neck and chest, and around his waist to settle comfortably on that gloriously firm backside that, to her, seemed to simply beg to be handled. Giving in to that urge, she squeezed tightly. She felt a delicious thrill as she felt him arch slightly against her.
"I've wanted to do that for a long time," she whispered against his lips.
"Why didn't you?"
She smiled, but didn't answer, only kissing him again. It was a fair question, she thought, because now that she had the young man in her arms, she couldn't quite seem to remember why it was that it had taken her so long to get to this point. Why was it again, that she hadn't simply ravaged him at the very first opportunity? But then she remembered why...
Lee's hands had slid up under her sweatshirt and, as they lightly grazed her bare breasts, she felt a flash of terror. Would he somehow be able to feel the cancer through her skin? What if he somehow caught it from her? These fears were completely baseless and irrational, she knew this, but still couldn't stop herself from thinking them any more than she could stop the quick gasp or involuntary step she had taken back from him.
The stricken expression on his face, plainly told her that he assumed he had overstepped his bounds. "I-I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I shouldn't..."
"No, it's alright," she interrupted, wanting to reassure him that he had done nothing wrong, that the problem wasn't him. She grasped his hands in hers and said, "Your hands are cold." And, in truth, his fingers were slightly chilled.
"Is that all?"
Damn, why did he have to be so perceptive? "No," she said, again opting for the partial truth. "The fact is, I haven't done this in a very long time and I'm just afraid that I'm a little rusty."
Gently pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her waist again, he leaned his forehead lightly against hers. "You seem to be doing just fine to me, but all you have to do is say the word and we can stop anytime."
Well, well, an officer and a gentleman, she thought. Could this man be any more perfect? The simple fact that he had offered to stop any time for her, made her not want to stop all the more. And the truth was, she wanted him, badly. As her desire began to override her fear, she kissed him again, idly wondering what special properties he possessed that made it impossible for her to resist the taste of his lips. After a moment, she reluctantly pulled away slightly, her eyes drifting over the bed. She looked back at him invitingly.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked gently.
"Absolutely."
Despite that bold word, Laura felt some of her fear returning. Now she would have to undress. She had never been terribly self-conscious about her body before, she knew her figure was still quite trim, but somehow standing before this very young, very athletically-built man, she was suddenly nervous. She desperately wished it were not quite so bright in the room.
As if he had read her thoughts, Lee went to the small bedside lamp and turned it on. Going to the switch by the door, he flipped off the harsh, overhead lights. He pulled the snug t-shirt off and dropped it onto the desk chair as he returned to her side.
Admiring the view, Laura realized that she was expected to reciprocate. Taking a deep breath, she pulled off her sweatshirt. Slowly raising her eyes to meet his, she was relieved to see nothing which indicated to her that he was in any way disappointed by what he saw and her self-consciousness melted away. Once they were both naked, he climbed into the bed, drawing her after him.
While he had been content to allow her to set the pace during the seduction, he was more than happy to take the lead for their love-making and she found him to be as uncompromisingly thorough in this, as he was at every other task he undertook. An hour or so later, found both of them sated and sleepy. Lee lay close beside Laura, there wasn't much choice in the narrow bed, but, perhaps sensing that she wouldn't want it, he didn't crowd her or hold her in an overly possessive manner. His nearness was more of a physical reminder that he was close at hand should she have any... further need of him.
Laura lay awake for a long time, listening to the younger man's breathing deepen with sleep. Despite the satisfaction of her body, her mind wouldn't rest. Now that the distracting fire of her passion had cooled, reality began to once more reassert its influence... What have I done? she asked herself. I have no business starting a relationship with this young man, simply so that he can watch me slowly waste away. Hasn't he experienced enough death already, without adding my name to the list of loved ones gone forever?
She had a sudden image of herself lying in a hospital bed, her body perforated at several points by various tubes and monitoring wires. She was unconscious, oblivious of the world around her, while Lee sat dutifully at her side, watching her die. No! she thought emphatically, thrusting the image out of her mind. I can't do that to him. I won't ask it of him. The first tendrils of panic were beginning to thread insidiously into her thoughts. She sat up cautiously, careful not to disturb the sleeper beside her.
Glancing down at him, she saw that his face was turned towards her. All the tensions and worries of his job were erased from his face as he slept and he looked so much younger, almost childlike. Another image flashed through her mind, her memory of Lee lying asleep in the chair with Becca sprawled across his chest. He would make a wonderful father someday. And he should be a father, she thought. From a simple genetic standpoint, he was a fine physical specimen who should not be lost from Humanity's remaining gene pool. But Laura could not give him children. Even in her prime she could not have done that. Wouldn't it be best, for everyone, if he were to find someone closer to his own age, who could give him fat, happy babies, who might inherit his flight skills and beautiful, blue eyes?
Yes, she thought, firmly taking hold of her rising panic. It would be best, for everyone, if she ended this relationship now, while it was still in its infancy. He would probably be hurt, yes, but the pain he felt now, would be nothing compared to what he would have to endure later. She told herself that in the long run, she was sparing him from a great deal more heartache. He was young, he was very attractive, and he would have no trouble finding another willing partner to fill the empty space Laura left in his bed.
Her mind made up, she carefully climbed out of the bed and began dressing. She deliberately kept her back to the bed, so that she would not have to look at him, to see the way his body unconsciously curled toward the warm void she had left behind. She forced herself not to think about what she was doing. She knew the feeling of ill-use one felt when waking up alone the morning after an evening spent in passion. But she also knew that if she stayed, she would lose her resolve, knew that if she had to face those eyes in the morning, she would never be able to walk away. So, like the coward she knew she was, she crept out of the room under the cover of night, like a thief stealing into the darkness.
---------------------------------------------
Lee awoke the next morning alone. Rolling over to silence his shrieking alarm, it took him a moment to remember that he had not fallen asleep alone. He lay still for several minutes, listening for sounds coming from the bathroom, but there was nothing. Laura had obviously already left. He wasn't sure how he felt about this. He had never dealt with this situation before. Glancing around, he looked for a note or something, but again, there was nothing.
She probably just didn't want to be seen leaving his room, he told himself. Their relationship would be awkward for her to explain. But why hadn't she woken him up to let him know that she was leaving?
Pushing the thoughts from his mind, he climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Kara always accused him of "thinking everything to death" and he was determined not to mess things up with Laura by over-analyzing her every action. He would simply ask her about it, when he saw her next. And he would probably see her today. They would need to get all the official stuff taken care of before they could get things moving on the modifications for The Amazon.
With the knowledge that he would most likely be seeing her later in the day, giving him something to look forward to, Lee smiled as he stepped into the shower.
------------------------------------------------
Laura sat at the conference table that served as her desk and shuffled through the various reports and requests from the captains of the civilian ships. She was getting very little done. She couldn't seem to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. Her thoughts kept treacherously dwelling on the remembered feel of eager lips and the look of passion-glazed, blue eyes...
"Madam President?"
"Hmm?" she murmured, jumping slightly at the unexpected voice addressing her. She looked up at Billy inquiringly.
"Um, I just wanted to remind you that you have an appointment to meet with Capt. Adonis on The Bird of Paradise, in an hour," the young man said.
"Oh, yes, thank you, Billy. What would I do without you," she said gratefully. She had already completely forgotten about the meeting and she had just made it that morning, only a few hours earlier.
"Um, if you don't mind my saying, Ma'am, you seem a little distracted today. Did you sleep alright?"
"No, I'm afraid I didn't get much sleep last night," she said, blushing slightly as she remembered, at least, part of the reason for her lack of sleep. "I've got a lot on my mind," she added, as she remembered the rest of the reason.
"Is everything all right? I mean, you didn't get any bad news, did you?"
It took her a moment to realize that he was referring to her health. "Oh, no, it's nothing like that. There's been no change there, so far."
"Oh, well that's good, at least... Is there anything I can do to help with whatever is bothering you?"
She smiled fondly at him, saying, "No, I'm afraid not, but thank you anyway, Billy."
"No problem... So, I'll let you get back to work and I'll come and get you when it's time to head over to The Paradise, okay?"
"That's fine, thank you."
After the young man had left, she attempted to return to her work, but it was useless, she couldn't concentrate. If her mind wasn't tempting her with distracting memories of last night's love-making, then it was torturing her for her cowardly behavior towards Apollo. The young pilot had been nothing but gentle and patient with her and she had repaid his kindness, by abandoning him, without even an explanation. But what would she tell him? Should she tell him the truth, as Naomi had suggested? No, she thought, I would rather deal with his resentment than his pity or sense of obligation.
So preoccupied were her thoughts that almost didn't notice the soft knock at the door to the ward room. Assuming that it was Billy coming to tell her that her shuttle was ready, she called, "Come in."
She found her heart skipping a beat as she looked up and saw Capt. Apollo enter, smiling warmly. Closing the door behind him, he walked to the table and started to lean across it, as if to kiss her. Panicked, she quickly slid her chair back and stood up. She felt a sharp stab of guilt as she watched the smile die on his face.
"What's wrong?" he asked quietly. But before she could think of an appropriate response, he continued, "You regret what happened last night, don't you?"
She sighed unhappily, but was actually grateful for his bluntness. At least she could deal with this quickly and be done with it. Maybe that would stop the seemingly endless cycle of guilt.
"No, I don't regret it," she said truthfully, "but it can't happen again."
"Why? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, Lee, you were perfect," she said softly, fully cognizant of the irony in that she was only just now using his given name for the first time. "But there are too many complications with this relationship. And I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with this right now."
"I don't understand..."
"I'm the president. My job is to serve what's left of our people. How do think it would look to them if they knew that I was having a relationship with someone young enough to be my son?"
"It's none of their business and they don't even have to know."
"Oh, yes, and we both know how well secrets are kept on this ship. It's amazing how small such a big ship can be. Eventually someone would find out and I think we both know who that someone would most likely be. How do you think he'll react?"
When Lee looked away and gave no response, she continued, "We both know your father will not be happy with this relationship."
"My father's approval, or lack there of, has no bearing on who I choose to have a relationship with," the young pilot said hotly.
"No, I imagine it doesn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I have to work with him. And he has the ability to make my life very difficult, if he chooses to."
"He wouldn't do that," Lee insisted.
"Are you sure?"
The young man looked away, suddenly not entirely sure of anything. He thought he had found someone who cared about him in the same way that he cared about them. But he had been wrong. He had not been involved in all that many relationships in his life, but in the few that he had, he had always been the one who broke it off. And now that he was finding himself on the receiving end of the "this just isn't working out" speech, he thought it was a stupid, bullshit line. He had always thought that giving that speech was difficult, but now he knew first hand that receiving it was much, much worse.
"So, that's it?" he asked bitterly. "Just like that, it's over?"
"Yes, I'm sorry, you don't know how sorry, but I just can't do this."
Lee was about to try one last argument, but before he could, the door to the wardroom opened and Laura's aide, Billy, stepped inside.
"Madam President, your shuttle is..." the young man was saying as he entered. He broke off as he noted Lee's presence. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were meeting with someone..."
"That's alright," Lee said quickly. "We're done."
With those words, the captain turned on his heel and stalked out of the room. There was no way someone as perceptive as Billy could fail to notice the tightly closed look on the other man's face or the tension which still hung heavily in the air.
"Um, I'm really sorry, Ma'am, if I interrupted something," Billy said uncomfortably.
"No, that's alright," Laura said softly, her face sadly composed, "as the captain said, we were done."
To be continued...
LOVE'S LOST CHILDREN
Chapter 3
Over the next few evenings, Laura found herself spending more and more time wandering the halls of the Galactica. She told herself that she did it to escape the confines of her empty room. Or because she found the movement conducive to thought and she was still puzzling over the dilemma of what to do about the overcrowded Amazon. But, despite the validity of these justifications, the whole truth included the fact that she still felt her heart rate quicken every time she heard the sound of running footsteps approaching her. Unfortunately, it seemed that Capt. Apollo was not the only person who used the Galactica's hallways as an indoor track. She had been nearly run down at least four times this week, but so far, had not encountered the younger Adama. In fact, she hadn't seen him at all since their visit to The Amazon.
As she had promised she would, she had spoken to the Galactica's chief engineer, a tall, coldly efficient man in his early forties, who had made it very clear to Laura, that he had more important concerns than trying to accommodate a bunch of difficult adolescent girls. And she supposed that the man had a point, keeping the battlestar's engines and two reactor cores running smoothly was more important than the situation on The Amazon, but that didn't change the fact that she had made a promise and she intended to keep it.
She had not been taking any of Migs' mysterious tonic. The bottle sat untouched on her bedside table. She always lost her nerve when it came time for her now-daily chemo treatments and dutifully went to the Life Station. But she had asked Dr. Soter what he knew about alternative cancer treatments. The young man had paused in administering his tests and pulled up a stool beside her bed.
"Look Laura, I won't lie to you, there have been reported success stories of people beating cancer through various alternative methods, stuff like herbal remedies, prayer therapy, faith healing. But none of these methods have any kind of consistent success rate. The bottom line is that the human body has enormous, untapped potential for healing itself. Unfortunately we don't know how it works and therefore, don't know how to tap into this potential. There's still so much about the human body, particularly the brain, that we still don't understand. For whatever reason, some people seem to be able to tap into this healing potential, but we don't know how or why. Personally, I wouldn't want to bank my life on something that vague and unproven, but then I'm a doctor.
"Now, if we were back on the Colonies, in a proper oncology center, there would be more options open to us, but obviously we're not. We have to make do with the limited resources and equipment available on the Galactica, and your best bet is to continue with the chemo. I still really wish you would let us put a central line in. It would deliver more meds, at a quicker rate..."
"I'll think about it," Laura said.
Dr. Soter nodded and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before he returned to his tests. A few minutes after this conversation, Naomi had entered the room, which now seemed to be held in permanent reserve for the president's use. Taking the stool that Dr. Soter had vacated, Naomi picked up Laura's hand, smiling comfortingly.
"Tell me what you know about faith healing," Laura asked before the other woman could even give her greeting.
"Okay," Naomi said, slightly taken aback by the abrupt request. "Well, I'm not really sure what it is that you want to know, so I can only tell you about my experience with it. When I was in college, getting my psychology degree, one of my best friends was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. By the time the doctors discovered it, it was already fairly advanced. They told her that she was going to need a complete hysterectomy. She was 23. Well, she wasn't ready to give up on the idea of having children yet. She found out about a revival meeting in town, with a faith healer. She and I had know each other most of our lives. Our families had gone to the same church, so she asked me to go with her...
"I saw something that day, Laura, that I've never been able to explain. I saw that healer place his hand on my friend's abdomen and I saw a brilliant, white light surround the two of them. I talked to the other people who were standing beside me and they said that they hadn't seen anything. And I believe them, but I know what I saw. I saw the hands of our Lords... When my friend went back to her doctors, they found that her cancer was completely gone, not in remission, gone... I can't explain it, maybe I had a hallucination, maybe I saw what I wanted to see and my friend just got very, very lucky, but I don't think so. I can tell you that that was the day I decided to become a priest."
"Could you duplicate it? Could you heal me?"
Naomi leaned forward and gently touched Laura's face. "I'm sorry, Laura, but my faith can't heal you. Only yours can," she said softly.
"I was afraid you'd say that. I don't think my faith has ever been that strong and after all this, it's almost non-existent."
"I have seen people pull through some pretty rough injuries and illnesses simply because they had someone or something to live for, something that gave them an anchor to their life. Do you have that?"
"All I have is my job, my duties..."
"Do you feel strongly enough about them, that those feelings might hold you here?"
"Probably not," Laura said in a tired voice, "frankly their exhausting me."
"What about someone? Love is just another form of faith. Have you told Mr. Congeniality how you feel about him?"
"No."
"Well, perhaps that's another reason why you should..."
The sound of voices moving towards her, drew Laura back to the present and she looked around, once more taking note of her surroundings. Glancing at the door she was passing, she saw that it was the door to the pilots' quarters. It was with a slight flutter in her stomach that she realized that one of the voices approaching her was Capt. Apollo's.
He appeared from around a bend in the corridor, walking towards her and talking with Lt. Thrace. The two young people had obviously been running, as they were both sweaty and wearing running clothes. Upon seeing Laura, Lee's face broke into a warm smile. She felt her knees turn to water at that smile. Lords, she thought to herself, distinctly aware of the heat rising in her face, I'm as bad as a schoolgirl with her first crush. I am entirely too old to be feeling like this.
"Madam President, I meant to go and talk to you today, but I was so busy..." he began, as the two pilots drew up to her.
"Oh? What is it?"
"Well, I think I may have found a solution to the situation on The Amazon... Well, Luther Vulcanus found the solution."
"That's wonderful, but... who?"
"Come into my office and I can explain," he said, gesturing for her to follow him.
Opening the hatch to the pilots' quarters, the three stepped into a short hallway. On the left side was another door, which stood ajar and through which, Laura caught a glimpse of the large barracks area where the pilots slept. On the right, was a closed door which bore Lee's name and title. Pausing in front of his door, he glanced back at Lt. Thrace.
"I'm heading for a shower then straight to bed," the blonde said. "I'll see you in the morning, Lee."
"Good night, Kara."
Opening the door to his office, Lee ushered Laura inside, flipping the light switch as he entered. The first thing in the room that Laura's eyes fell on was the bed, built into the bulkhead wall opposite the door. Despite knowing that she was behaving foolishly, the sight of that neatly- made bed, had the color rising in her cheeks all the faster. Quickly chastising herself for her immature thoughts, she told herself that she should have realized that Apollo's office would also be his quarters. After all, even the commander's office doubled as his living quarters. It was just that in the elder Adama's case the two spaces were larger and more distinctly separated.
"So, what is this solution you've discovered?" Laura asked, trying to force her mind back to the reason she was in the room. "And who is this Luther...?"
"Vulcanus," Lee provided. "He's the chief engineer on board The Bird of Paradise. The man's a genius, which is why I knew that if anyone could solve this problem, it would be him. And he did not disappoint me."
The young man was smiling broadly and practically bouncing on his seat, where he had perched on the edge of his cluttered desk. Laura found herself smiling, unable to resist his infectious enthusiasm.
"Alright, you've piqued my curiosity," she said encouragingly, seating herself in the chair behind the desk.
"Alright, as you know, The Bird of Paradise has four shuttles. What you probably don't know, is that it also has four emergency survival pods. Now, these pods aren't terribly big, but they do have their own life support systems and complete facilities. Vulcanus thinks that these pods could be attached directly onto The Amazon. This would give them more space, more privacy and more facilities. Luther says that he can patch the life support systems from the pods into The Amazon's life support system, thereby boosting all of them.
"I've run this idea past our chief engineer and our chief Viper mechanic, Tyrol, and they all agree that this is feasible. It's going to take some work, but it's definitely do-able. Vulcanus has already volunteered his services and those of his people, and Tyrol said that he can probably spare a few techs here and there... But wait, before you get too excited, there is one snag."
"What?" Laura asked, feeling her elation rapidly seeping away.
"All of this will have to be approved by the commanders in question. My father will have to approve the use of our people, but I don't think that will be a problem. Migs, of course, will have to approve the plan, but I think that will be a given. The problem is probably going to be Capt. Adonis. He never told me about these survival pods during my inspection of The Paradise. I can't help thinking that there was a reason for that. I don't think he's going to want to give them up."
"Oh, don't worry about that, Captain," Laura said, a note of steel entering her voice. "He will agree to give them up. I won't give him a choice."
Lee smiled, feeling a slight thrill at the look of determination on her face. She returned his smile, saying, "You did all of this on your own?"
"Yeah, I wanted to surprise you."
Feeling a sudden, overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude; she stood and leaned across the desk, to take his face between both of her hands. "You are an absolute treasure," she said earnestly, kissing him soundly.
She immediately regretted this impulsive act, as she felt his body stiffen. Although the kiss had been fairly chaste, she had obviously badly misread the situation. Gently, but firmly, he pulled away from her and took a few steps back from the desk. She was about to make her apologies, but he beat her to it.
"I'm sorry," he said, still smiling and blushing slightly. "I didn't mean to push you away. It's just... I really need to take a shower." He emphasized this point by plucking at the front of his sweat-damp t-shirt.
Laura laughed, partly in relief and partly in response to his self- conscious, but very endearing, vanity. "I'm sorry, Captain, I won't keep you any longer. I'll leave you to it," she said, starting to rise.
"No, no, you can stay," he said quickly. "Please... stay. Uh, just give me ten minutes?"
"Alright," she said softly, sitting back down. "I'll just wait right here."
He quickly grabbed a few things before disappearing into the small attached bathroom, that Laura hadn't even been aware was there. Within minutes, she heard the soft sound of running water. Suddenly feeling as if her stomach were filled with wriggling spiders who were trying to climb out of her throat, she looked around the room, trying to distract her suddenly over-active thoughts. Unfortunately there wasn't much in the room to provide distraction. There was nothing in the way of personal effects. Everything in the room had a utilitarian and, very military, purpose. She knew that Lee had only been temporarily assigned to the Galactica, so any personal items he had were probably destroyed with his other ship, but she couldn't help wondering if his quarters there were also this devoid of personality.
Turning her attention to the desk in front of her, the only part of the room that wasn't meticulously neat, she noted that even his clutter had a certain amount of order to it. The papers were all neatly stacked, the pens and pencils all grouped together within easy reach. As her gaze took in the small desktop computer, she noticed something leaning against the flat screen, partially obscured by a stack of papers. Leaning, to look around them, she discovered the grubby, stuffed unicorn propped up against the computer, like some sad, little guardian. Slowly, she reached out and picked it up. Looking down at it, she couldn't help but feel herself smile.
The door to the bathroom opened and Lee stepped back into the room. His hair was still damp and he was now wearing a pair of loose, olive green work pants and a gray t-shirt that was slightly too small for him. Although Laura was certainly not going to complain about the way that it hugged the flat plane of his stomach or the width of his shoulders. She held the unicorn out for him to see.
"Most men probably would have thrown this away," she said.
"Yeah, well, I really do think Becca's going to want it back eventually," he said, somewhat self-consciously. "I mean, it's not like she can replace it very easily. So, I figured that I would just hang onto it for her."
"Mmmhmm," Laura murmured, smiling. "I think I've just discovered your secret. You're a lot more human than you like to let on."
As she spoke, she moved closer. She slid one hand up to cup his jaw and ran her thumb lightly over his cheek. The skin felt smooth and surprisingly soft. She realized that he must have taken the time to shave as well. She found the thought that he had taken this extra step rather touching. Drawing him closer, she kissed him again.
It had been such a long time since she had even enjoyed the pure sensuality of a long, slow kiss that she wanted to take her time, allow herself to fully experience every sensation, to explore and memorize every movement and taste of the warm pliant mouth against hers, at her leisure. Lee seemed to be aware of this and seemed perfectly content to let her set the pace for this seduction. He slid his hands around her waist and pulled her even closer, but did nothing that would have made her feel rushed or pressured. She felt safe and secure with him in a way that she hadn't felt in what seemed like a lifetime.
As they continued with this deliberate intimacy, Laura found her hands taking on thoughts of their own. She didn't seem to be consciously controlling them as they glided from his face, down his neck and chest, and around his waist to settle comfortably on that gloriously firm backside that, to her, seemed to simply beg to be handled. Giving in to that urge, she squeezed tightly. She felt a delicious thrill as she felt him arch slightly against her.
"I've wanted to do that for a long time," she whispered against his lips.
"Why didn't you?"
She smiled, but didn't answer, only kissing him again. It was a fair question, she thought, because now that she had the young man in her arms, she couldn't quite seem to remember why it was that it had taken her so long to get to this point. Why was it again, that she hadn't simply ravaged him at the very first opportunity? But then she remembered why...
Lee's hands had slid up under her sweatshirt and, as they lightly grazed her bare breasts, she felt a flash of terror. Would he somehow be able to feel the cancer through her skin? What if he somehow caught it from her? These fears were completely baseless and irrational, she knew this, but still couldn't stop herself from thinking them any more than she could stop the quick gasp or involuntary step she had taken back from him.
The stricken expression on his face, plainly told her that he assumed he had overstepped his bounds. "I-I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I shouldn't..."
"No, it's alright," she interrupted, wanting to reassure him that he had done nothing wrong, that the problem wasn't him. She grasped his hands in hers and said, "Your hands are cold." And, in truth, his fingers were slightly chilled.
"Is that all?"
Damn, why did he have to be so perceptive? "No," she said, again opting for the partial truth. "The fact is, I haven't done this in a very long time and I'm just afraid that I'm a little rusty."
Gently pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her waist again, he leaned his forehead lightly against hers. "You seem to be doing just fine to me, but all you have to do is say the word and we can stop anytime."
Well, well, an officer and a gentleman, she thought. Could this man be any more perfect? The simple fact that he had offered to stop any time for her, made her not want to stop all the more. And the truth was, she wanted him, badly. As her desire began to override her fear, she kissed him again, idly wondering what special properties he possessed that made it impossible for her to resist the taste of his lips. After a moment, she reluctantly pulled away slightly, her eyes drifting over the bed. She looked back at him invitingly.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked gently.
"Absolutely."
Despite that bold word, Laura felt some of her fear returning. Now she would have to undress. She had never been terribly self-conscious about her body before, she knew her figure was still quite trim, but somehow standing before this very young, very athletically-built man, she was suddenly nervous. She desperately wished it were not quite so bright in the room.
As if he had read her thoughts, Lee went to the small bedside lamp and turned it on. Going to the switch by the door, he flipped off the harsh, overhead lights. He pulled the snug t-shirt off and dropped it onto the desk chair as he returned to her side.
Admiring the view, Laura realized that she was expected to reciprocate. Taking a deep breath, she pulled off her sweatshirt. Slowly raising her eyes to meet his, she was relieved to see nothing which indicated to her that he was in any way disappointed by what he saw and her self-consciousness melted away. Once they were both naked, he climbed into the bed, drawing her after him.
While he had been content to allow her to set the pace during the seduction, he was more than happy to take the lead for their love-making and she found him to be as uncompromisingly thorough in this, as he was at every other task he undertook. An hour or so later, found both of them sated and sleepy. Lee lay close beside Laura, there wasn't much choice in the narrow bed, but, perhaps sensing that she wouldn't want it, he didn't crowd her or hold her in an overly possessive manner. His nearness was more of a physical reminder that he was close at hand should she have any... further need of him.
Laura lay awake for a long time, listening to the younger man's breathing deepen with sleep. Despite the satisfaction of her body, her mind wouldn't rest. Now that the distracting fire of her passion had cooled, reality began to once more reassert its influence... What have I done? she asked herself. I have no business starting a relationship with this young man, simply so that he can watch me slowly waste away. Hasn't he experienced enough death already, without adding my name to the list of loved ones gone forever?
She had a sudden image of herself lying in a hospital bed, her body perforated at several points by various tubes and monitoring wires. She was unconscious, oblivious of the world around her, while Lee sat dutifully at her side, watching her die. No! she thought emphatically, thrusting the image out of her mind. I can't do that to him. I won't ask it of him. The first tendrils of panic were beginning to thread insidiously into her thoughts. She sat up cautiously, careful not to disturb the sleeper beside her.
Glancing down at him, she saw that his face was turned towards her. All the tensions and worries of his job were erased from his face as he slept and he looked so much younger, almost childlike. Another image flashed through her mind, her memory of Lee lying asleep in the chair with Becca sprawled across his chest. He would make a wonderful father someday. And he should be a father, she thought. From a simple genetic standpoint, he was a fine physical specimen who should not be lost from Humanity's remaining gene pool. But Laura could not give him children. Even in her prime she could not have done that. Wouldn't it be best, for everyone, if he were to find someone closer to his own age, who could give him fat, happy babies, who might inherit his flight skills and beautiful, blue eyes?
Yes, she thought, firmly taking hold of her rising panic. It would be best, for everyone, if she ended this relationship now, while it was still in its infancy. He would probably be hurt, yes, but the pain he felt now, would be nothing compared to what he would have to endure later. She told herself that in the long run, she was sparing him from a great deal more heartache. He was young, he was very attractive, and he would have no trouble finding another willing partner to fill the empty space Laura left in his bed.
Her mind made up, she carefully climbed out of the bed and began dressing. She deliberately kept her back to the bed, so that she would not have to look at him, to see the way his body unconsciously curled toward the warm void she had left behind. She forced herself not to think about what she was doing. She knew the feeling of ill-use one felt when waking up alone the morning after an evening spent in passion. But she also knew that if she stayed, she would lose her resolve, knew that if she had to face those eyes in the morning, she would never be able to walk away. So, like the coward she knew she was, she crept out of the room under the cover of night, like a thief stealing into the darkness.
---------------------------------------------
Lee awoke the next morning alone. Rolling over to silence his shrieking alarm, it took him a moment to remember that he had not fallen asleep alone. He lay still for several minutes, listening for sounds coming from the bathroom, but there was nothing. Laura had obviously already left. He wasn't sure how he felt about this. He had never dealt with this situation before. Glancing around, he looked for a note or something, but again, there was nothing.
She probably just didn't want to be seen leaving his room, he told himself. Their relationship would be awkward for her to explain. But why hadn't she woken him up to let him know that she was leaving?
Pushing the thoughts from his mind, he climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Kara always accused him of "thinking everything to death" and he was determined not to mess things up with Laura by over-analyzing her every action. He would simply ask her about it, when he saw her next. And he would probably see her today. They would need to get all the official stuff taken care of before they could get things moving on the modifications for The Amazon.
With the knowledge that he would most likely be seeing her later in the day, giving him something to look forward to, Lee smiled as he stepped into the shower.
------------------------------------------------
Laura sat at the conference table that served as her desk and shuffled through the various reports and requests from the captains of the civilian ships. She was getting very little done. She couldn't seem to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. Her thoughts kept treacherously dwelling on the remembered feel of eager lips and the look of passion-glazed, blue eyes...
"Madam President?"
"Hmm?" she murmured, jumping slightly at the unexpected voice addressing her. She looked up at Billy inquiringly.
"Um, I just wanted to remind you that you have an appointment to meet with Capt. Adonis on The Bird of Paradise, in an hour," the young man said.
"Oh, yes, thank you, Billy. What would I do without you," she said gratefully. She had already completely forgotten about the meeting and she had just made it that morning, only a few hours earlier.
"Um, if you don't mind my saying, Ma'am, you seem a little distracted today. Did you sleep alright?"
"No, I'm afraid I didn't get much sleep last night," she said, blushing slightly as she remembered, at least, part of the reason for her lack of sleep. "I've got a lot on my mind," she added, as she remembered the rest of the reason.
"Is everything all right? I mean, you didn't get any bad news, did you?"
It took her a moment to realize that he was referring to her health. "Oh, no, it's nothing like that. There's been no change there, so far."
"Oh, well that's good, at least... Is there anything I can do to help with whatever is bothering you?"
She smiled fondly at him, saying, "No, I'm afraid not, but thank you anyway, Billy."
"No problem... So, I'll let you get back to work and I'll come and get you when it's time to head over to The Paradise, okay?"
"That's fine, thank you."
After the young man had left, she attempted to return to her work, but it was useless, she couldn't concentrate. If her mind wasn't tempting her with distracting memories of last night's love-making, then it was torturing her for her cowardly behavior towards Apollo. The young pilot had been nothing but gentle and patient with her and she had repaid his kindness, by abandoning him, without even an explanation. But what would she tell him? Should she tell him the truth, as Naomi had suggested? No, she thought, I would rather deal with his resentment than his pity or sense of obligation.
So preoccupied were her thoughts that almost didn't notice the soft knock at the door to the ward room. Assuming that it was Billy coming to tell her that her shuttle was ready, she called, "Come in."
She found her heart skipping a beat as she looked up and saw Capt. Apollo enter, smiling warmly. Closing the door behind him, he walked to the table and started to lean across it, as if to kiss her. Panicked, she quickly slid her chair back and stood up. She felt a sharp stab of guilt as she watched the smile die on his face.
"What's wrong?" he asked quietly. But before she could think of an appropriate response, he continued, "You regret what happened last night, don't you?"
She sighed unhappily, but was actually grateful for his bluntness. At least she could deal with this quickly and be done with it. Maybe that would stop the seemingly endless cycle of guilt.
"No, I don't regret it," she said truthfully, "but it can't happen again."
"Why? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, Lee, you were perfect," she said softly, fully cognizant of the irony in that she was only just now using his given name for the first time. "But there are too many complications with this relationship. And I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with this right now."
"I don't understand..."
"I'm the president. My job is to serve what's left of our people. How do think it would look to them if they knew that I was having a relationship with someone young enough to be my son?"
"It's none of their business and they don't even have to know."
"Oh, yes, and we both know how well secrets are kept on this ship. It's amazing how small such a big ship can be. Eventually someone would find out and I think we both know who that someone would most likely be. How do you think he'll react?"
When Lee looked away and gave no response, she continued, "We both know your father will not be happy with this relationship."
"My father's approval, or lack there of, has no bearing on who I choose to have a relationship with," the young pilot said hotly.
"No, I imagine it doesn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I have to work with him. And he has the ability to make my life very difficult, if he chooses to."
"He wouldn't do that," Lee insisted.
"Are you sure?"
The young man looked away, suddenly not entirely sure of anything. He thought he had found someone who cared about him in the same way that he cared about them. But he had been wrong. He had not been involved in all that many relationships in his life, but in the few that he had, he had always been the one who broke it off. And now that he was finding himself on the receiving end of the "this just isn't working out" speech, he thought it was a stupid, bullshit line. He had always thought that giving that speech was difficult, but now he knew first hand that receiving it was much, much worse.
"So, that's it?" he asked bitterly. "Just like that, it's over?"
"Yes, I'm sorry, you don't know how sorry, but I just can't do this."
Lee was about to try one last argument, but before he could, the door to the wardroom opened and Laura's aide, Billy, stepped inside.
"Madam President, your shuttle is..." the young man was saying as he entered. He broke off as he noted Lee's presence. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were meeting with someone..."
"That's alright," Lee said quickly. "We're done."
With those words, the captain turned on his heel and stalked out of the room. There was no way someone as perceptive as Billy could fail to notice the tightly closed look on the other man's face or the tension which still hung heavily in the air.
"Um, I'm really sorry, Ma'am, if I interrupted something," Billy said uncomfortably.
"No, that's alright," Laura said softly, her face sadly composed, "as the captain said, we were done."
To be continued...