CHAPTER FIVE
Back and forth…back and forth…back and forth…
"Where on earth are they?"
Back and forth…back and forth…back and forth…
"This is not like them. They said they would be back in half of an hour!"
Back and forth…back and forth…back and forth…
In a small, suburban house in the residency of Pokey Oaks, a tall, middle-aged, square-headed man paced from room to room, his mind consumed in a state of relentless worry as the minutes rolled on and on and on upon his watch. The man was normally not one to be troubled so, but when someone enrolled in the full-time occupation of "loving father" has no idea where his children are, it would leave any person with an inkling of empathy in a state of nervous fragility. Even if those children happen to be gifted with "Ultra Super Powers", as one may put it.
"I've been giving them too many liberties." The professor said harshly, chastising himself. "I know that my girls are quite capable of taking care of themselves in the park on their own, but they can't be neglecting their own word like this! I'll have to have a very long talk with the three them once they come home!"
The clopping of the professor's shoes gradually increased in rhythm as his anxiety began to get the best of him: "But wait…what if something happened to my girls? Could they be in some sort of trouble? They could be struggling against a monster or super villain without me knowing it!
"But wait…perhaps they simply just lost track of time. Yes, that's it; Just a misconception of the flow of time. None of them were wearing a watch, anyway…As soon as they realize their tremendously blatant ignorance of their schedule, they'll be zipping back home as quickly as their little, chemical-X powered bodies can take them!"
For a moment, the scientist was silent, his rhythm slowing to Romantic Oldie, his self-assurance soothing his mind like the side effects of a shot of morphine. However, being the over-protective adult that he is, his pace once again jumped into Hardcore Disco as yet another concern gnawed at his conscience:
"On the other hand…they could be…maybe…would they? NO! They're much too young for that! That's right, much too young…that time that they kissed that lonely boy was merely out of sympathy for the hygienically-challenged young tyke. And of course they didn't have any feelings when they defeated those Rowdyruff Boys. No feelings at all! They still wouldn't be in the state of growth to…to…"
The professor halted, plopped onto the relaxing cotton of the living room sofa, and shuddered as he placed his forehand upon the cradle of his hand.
"Ay-yi-yi…the thought of it alone is too much for me to even speak of."
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!
The Professor gasped. "The Girls! They're here!" He cried, as he leaped out of the chair and made for the front door with the grace of a drunken cockroach. The inanimate objects in his path were mercilessly knocked aside in a scene of miniature calamity, as furniture fell to their sides and various lamps, vases, and other fragile structures transcended to the big, perfectly clean house in the sky, leaving behind piles of gritty corpses. Many an object was ruptured before the man was finally able to reach the door.
He swung it open with great speed. "Blossom! Bubbles! Buttercup! Am I glad to-GAAAAAH!"
His initial reaction of joy dropped like a metal ball upon the sight that stood at his entrance: Blossom and Buttercup, hidden beneath layers of earth and grass stains, each held a small, limp body over their shoulders. One had the weeping, pathetic shape of an equally dirty Bubbles; the other held the silent, unconscious form of what could only have been the only form of scum and villainy ever to come close to the ultimate goal of Townsville's evil mastermind; at least, as far as the four of them would know.
The scientist began to stammer. "It's a…It's-a-It's-a-It's-a-It's-a-!"
"Rowdyruff." Blossom finished. "Professor, we need a find a safe place to keep this guy before he wakes up!"
"B-B-But-But what happened?! What's going-"
"Professor!" Buttercup sharply interrupted. "We don't have time for that! That slimeball nearly took out Bubbles!"
"WHAT!?"
The blue powerpuff's whimpers grew to a wail of great suffering, her present feelings all too clear to the members of her family.
Now aware of the near-crisis that occurred, the scientist quickly laid out orders. "Ok, first…Buttercup, for Pete's sake, take Bubbles up to the bathroom and use the First Aid kit to help patch her up! I showed you how to use it, right?"
"Yes, Professor!" confirmed the brunette. She promptly zipped up the stairs with her sister in tow.
"What about the Rowdyruff?" Blossom asked anxiously.
"You and I are going to bring him down to the lab," answered the professor, "I believe one of my contraptions should suffice for a secure restraint."
"Which one?"
"You'll see, Blossom. We must hurry!"
The Father and daughter made their way to the basement, with the unfortunate, albino alien in tow, who, as he was trapped within the realms of his dreams, is completely unaware of the upcoming events that were to affect his life forever.
***
Pathie Zimbogous was standing in the middle of what seemed to be the landscapes of Dr. Seuss' ultimate nightmare. Asteroids of bitter, cold ice from microscopic to impossibly gigantic were scattered throughout an infinite realm of space, which was lighted up in a kaleidoscope of colors as if the gods decided to hold a universal disco night for the enjoyment of their creations. Plopped upon one of these chunks, the soldier was supposedly trapped, for he was not willing to take any chances; anyone who has ever dreamed knows that the possibility of controlling the rules of their personal worlds is equal to that of running into a herd of pink elephants being chased by cute little hamsters that were intent on global domination via the economic takeover of the Spork industry.
"Sheesh, maybe I shouldn't have deactivated the gas mask," said the scout. "I haven't had such a strange dream ever since I lost consciousness from the body odor of my college roommate."
"Well, pardon me for trying to break the World Record for not showering!" Cried a distant voice.
Turning towards the direction of that voice, the scout spotted a strange sight: a young entity, similar to Pathie in terms of looks except for long, blonde hair, shades, and casual wear that broke every possible rule of fashion sense, stood on a distant rock, grinning and shuffling around, holding a suspicious bottle.
"Johan!" Pathie called to his old friend, "What in blazes are you doing in my dream?"
"Well, if ya really wanna know…" Johan began, "I was just doing a little hackin' into the deepest, darkest, most repressed parts of ya subconscious, and look what I found!"
The colors of the abyss suddenly gathered into a single point of space, quickly imploding into itself. For a moment, all that could be seen was a hovering, bright star of light. Then, the colors once again exploded out, except that this time, a detailed work of art appeared upon the black canvas of the air.
Pathie gasped at the sight of the picture's interpretation.
"Ooooh!" Johan chimed. "Pathie and blonde girl, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-"
"Johan!" Pathie interrupted, his teeth bared and his voice harsh.
"What's wrong with you, man?" the college drunk said, his laid-back demeanor unfazed, "That blonde chick's probably the sweetest thang you ever seen! You were always whinin' about never kissing anyone 'sides your mom; she was handed to ya on a silver platter, and whatcha' do? Ya whip out the needle! That was just plain dumb. Dumber than the time ya 'accidentally' walked into the girl's dressing room!"
The soldier had little patience for Johan's mental jabs. "First of all, Johan, that was an accident. And second, the girl was scared to death and in critical condition! I'm a soldier, not some freak who's obsessive-compulsive about the opposite sex! And why should I be listening to you, anyway? You're dead!"
"I may have no body, but I'll always be in your heart…friend!" said Johan, applying bad dramatic acting to tease his companion further. "But anyway…I'm not the only one who thinks ya shoulda gotten to know her! Look over to where I'm pointing!"
Johan shoved his bottle towards his right, barely keeping steady as the toxic substances continued to diminish his coordination. Pathie, with nothing else better to do, did as he was told, and gasped yet again at an even more surprising sight.
"Mom?!"
Yes, placed upon another distant rock was an old, leather-faced woman, dressed in an antique dress and apron straight out of a cheesy commercial from the 50's, only slightly taller than the young soldier himself. Her expression indicated that of great disappointment.
"Pathie Googlestein Zimbogous, you have certainly gotten yourself into a fine mess this time!" said the woman. "For once, you had a reasonable chance to save a damsel in distress and turn your life around, and instead you treat her like livestock! Livestock!"
"I did not do such a thing!" The scout snapped, "I was only-"
"I always told you, 'Pathie, why not become an accountant and settle down with a beautiful lady?" interrupted Pathie's mother. "But noooooo- instead, you decide to become a planet inspector! Do you have any idea what the death rate is for that job? It gave me a heart attack when I heard the news!"
"Yes, I know. That's how you died." Pathie said grimly.
"The death rate wasn't the only reason, my boy." she continued. "It was also because I knew that the moment you took that job that you'd never see any more women again! You know why? Because inspectors are never allowed to date or even see the other sex while away and they spend less than 1% of their time actually being at home!"
"Say what?! Dude, you got a dysfunction!" Johan jeered.
"Shut up, both of you!" Pathie ejaculated, his aggravation approaching the edge of furious rage. "I got drafted into the military, my race is dropping like flies because of a worldwide disease back home, I nearly lost my life twice since I landed on the god-forsaken mudball, and the two of you want to chastise me about my social life?! So what if I find the girl attractive? I can't be pursuing relationships now! The fate of my whole species is resting on my shoulders and every other scout still breathing!"
Exhausted from his tremendous outburst, Pathie collapsed down to his hands and knees upon the lifeless ice of his floating asteroid. He could see a fragmented reflection of his face as he looked down upon the frozen rock: It revealed an expression of a young man on the edge, a man with tremendous pressures and deteriorating willpower. It revealed…a man that is prepared to mentally break.
Seeing the soldier's dismal state, the two long-gone companions quickly shifted attitudes: Their job was to only guide him through his troubles, not disembowel his sanity.
"Dude, no need to blow ya top," Johan spoke calmly.
"We're only trying to make sure you don't stay a bachelor when you're 80, Pathie." Mom added.
"That disease that's effectin' everybody back home won't be around forever, ya know," Johan continued. "Whacha gonna do when everything settles down again? Go back to bein' a 'Planet Inspector?' Dude, the only reason ya took that job was because you were too darn scared of girls! If you were all so comfy with the fairer sex, then ya would've known better than to panic and try to knock her out with the needle! Well, it's you who got knocked out, really. But that just proves my point."
"What I'm trying to say is, ya gonna be in a world of hurt if ya don't improve those social skills. For all ya know, that blonde girl could be a sole survivor. If ya can't get along with her like ya do with anyone else who's notta girl, then all ya attempts to help her out would only worsen things up, for her and yourself. Besides, did ya forget your plastic disc thingy got screwed up a bit? That girl may be the only one that can show ya where the Estrox really is!"
Hearing all this, Pathie's state of high emotion quickly shifted from anger to calm realization: as much as he hated to admit it, his deceased college buddy was right on the money. His mission was only a few inches away from going completely down the toilet drain. Chances are that he would wake up in custody of the planet's indigenous population, and the panic that he had caused when he first set foot upon its soil was a clear indication that they perceived the scout as a dangerous enemy. If he can't find a way to enlist the help of the survivor (assuming she was still alive), his own chances of survival- let alone the survival of his people- would be absolutely nil. He did not know about the girl, but the prospect of being permanently trapped on a hostile world –if not dying- was not overwhelmingly appealing.
The scout rose from his pathetic position on the ground, and once again stood with the tremendous pride that is blessed upon those who successfully enter the ranks of the brave, enduring Scout Units.
"Well, it looks like the two of you got the best of me once again." Pathie conceded, "Now I need to get out of this blasted dream. Can the two of you leave my subconscious so I can get out of whatever actual nightmare I got myself into?"
"No need, my boy," Mom answered, "If you jump off your rock and into the abyss, the rush of adrenaline is sure to snap you back into reality."
"Please, mom, I've already had enough surges." Pathie said. "You know how they can strain the heart."
"Son, like it or not, you're in a heap-load of trouble. You better get used to them."
"Gee, thanks a lot." said Pathie scornfully, as he prepared himself for his leap into the empty space.
"If ya ever see that blonde girl again, be sure to kiss'er for me! I haven't felt a good pair of lips since I got dumped into purgatory!" Johan said.
Pathie ignored the request, for he was already diving into the eternal darkness, the unforeseen circumstances of his predicament quickly rushing forward to him.