Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh and am not making money from this fic.

Notes: I did have Mei-san's name as Meii, but I didn't like the change. Also got rid of my past AN's with the script because ff.net has reduced me to a state of paranoia. I really do not want to be deleted again and kicked off for a week. Gomen. I'm sensitive…when I can get away with it. :p I've also had to learn to deal without asterisks, so, yeah…I haven't updated in for-ev-er.

Chapter Information: Alright, took long enough. Seto comes back. I was gonna put this up in my livejournal to have people grammar check, but I'm laaazy.

Thanks: OMG, R Amythest didn't beta-read. ::lethargic moment:: Everyone worship her for putting up with my grammar (actually, she's been real busy, so's we just kinda agreed she could stop being my beta). It's the first time I've parted ways with a beta…. On that note, this chapter hasn't been beta read since I think something happened to Marm or her computer. ::worries and hopes it was the latter::

(Equaral: Gomen for the long paragraphs. My attention span isn't too hot either. ::gives Otogi a drink:: He is fun to make drunk! :p Here's an update at last…gomen. If you still reading, thank you. These long chapters are not introspective, so much more interesting.) --- [Renee the Rabid Squirrel: Gomen, made you wait a long time for what happened next, eh? I'm happy you though last chapter was great. Encouraging!] --- (Windswift: I think that song was the national anthem of Japan {before WWII?}…I exaggerate the vowels and such. I soo irrationally happy you found last chapter so amusing! Sankyuuuuu!) --- [Elle-FaTe-2x1: Wow, your review reminded me how long it's been since I update…manga readers just learned YnYuugi's real name! {holy shit…} Thank you! It is good that everyone enjoyed last chapter.] --- (Martyr of the Black Rose: It is not only fun writing characters drunk, it is fun working the repercussions of being drunk {memory gapes}. Thank you. Everyone seems to have liked Otogi intoxicated. Are all with sick sense of humour, or do we feel he deserves it for drinking? I'm for the latter.) --- [InSaNe KeYbLaDeR: Thank you! Of course you didn't know what Otogi was singing, it's ancient to me. The song was the Japan anthem {preWWII?} and I elongated some of the vowels and such. Something about rocks and moss.] (evilcourtney: LMAO! My mind ish so hentai….) --- [Sachi-chan: I have continued! {about time, ne} You did review on time, but I didn't follow thru and update on time, gomen nasai.] --- (Pastbyer: Thank you! All right, I have stopped using onegai in English sentences, but is it okay standing alone? ::wants to know:: Yay, I know a Japanese phrase! ::so happy::) --- [Shetan: Faux is a very nice word. Learned it from my step grandmother who alters fur coats. ::looks around nervous:: This chapter took a bit to come up, ne…. I have a nice plot for "Novelty" except I haven't finished working out the bugs…. Gomen…I am getting so far behind.] --- (Sarah-chan: ::waves finger annoyingly:: Gomen, only I get to know what happens. Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, eh? I'm glad you think so much of my Otogi-kun. He is fun to write, so that helps people like him if I like writing him. {am I making sense? O.O} Thank you so's!) [Blue Eyed Angel2: Aw, sankyuuuuuu!!! ::latches on in inu-mode:: You are a very nice person then!] --- (The Evil Laugh: Thanks! Took me a bit to update….) --- [Sailor Comet: Muwah, I have brainwashed another! ::evil smirk-ie:: Ya know, you can have this fic for your site. I could dump lots more on you than "Mystic". ::cough:: How's 'bout this; Ryou hooks up with Hato {who is like frog prince at really sexy gay man and love kiss} and they buy a nice flat in Yokohoma, where they happily live on the rest of their lives {Hato become rock star ::grin::}. Of course, there must be a schism from Yuugi-tachi, because no one would accept that pairing. O.o? …And readers would rip me apart….]

Long paragraphs, but not introspective, so's much more interesting. Also, some people have drawn me Hato and Ryou, so I will find a way to make those accessible to you guys (maybe a geocities site or something…'cos I'm cheap). I'm game for any more pics, if anyone wants to send 'em. I truly love fan art, and it doesn't bother me at all. ::squeals when there's mail in her inbox…even after she finds out it's spaaam ::

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Or Die Trying

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-Dice-

The day before hadn't been too eventful. Ryou had found it extremely easy to take care of Ryuuji after he had succumbed to the affects of the alcohol and gone comatose. Nothing much happened the rest of the night until Ryuuji regained consciousness in the middle Ryou's hundredth match of solitaire (the poor boy had been keeping count). Ryou hadn't noticed until the teen threw up inches from the cards, causing him to jump and give a feminine yelp of disgust. He was not fond of vomit.

To say the least, it had been a very interesting morning after for Ryuuji. Ryou immaturely refused to touch the mess on the floor, telling Ryuuji it was his own fault. For this reason, five hours later found Ryou feeling ready to toss his breakfast at the putrid odor as Ryuuji sent himself into another blissful loss of consciousness. The white haired boy was forced against his good intentions to leave, writing a note for his friend to read when he came to before going off the find a more beneficial way to spend his Saturday afternoon. Ryuuji was alone the remainder of the day with coffee, soda, and more aspirin than he was accustom to taking in a week. His groggy outlook kept him in bed for the best of the afternoon as he unsuccessfully tried to recall just how much alcohol had been consumed over the course of yesterday evening and if there had ever been a time in his life where he'd never had a hangover. Were those carefree illusions of sober energy, alertness, and agility really his life up until the night before? Was it possible his headache would ever go away? From his current vantage, the future looked oddly bleak (and this being before he remembered Hato).

The questions proved pointless, however, as Ryuuji made his venture to the refrigerator and the reviving well of a sixteen-ounce bottle of caffeine-loaded cola. In an hour his suffering was considerably reduced as he refreshed his dehydrated cells. Aspirin and soda were the only lunch he could stomach before he made his way back to the front room. That was the moment he discovered the mess and remembered Ryou's repulsion. He blindly considered how much it smelled and put forth a surprising effort to clean it up. Afterwards, having exhausted himself to the limit, he crawled to his room and attempted to sleep everything off again.

That was how Ryou had found him the next morning, sleeping. By then the white-haired boy had figured his friend had had just enough rest and needed to get outside. Ryuuji, completely unused to being baby-sat, agreed, momentarily incapable of reluctance. Ryou led him to a restaurant and ordered tea for them both and some food for Ryuuji, hoping the raven-haired teen would consider eating something.

"Are you okay since Friday?" Ryou asked as Ryuuji stared down at his lunch surprised and thankful, but not sure he wanted it.

"Yeah, I guess so. I was really out of it, wasn't I?"

"You could say that," Ryou said with a bit of knowing laughter. "You'd be embarrassed if you knew. Want a recount?"

Ryuuji winced and shook his head, "No. You look too amused by it all and from what I recall, I wasn't exactly composed."

"Of course." Ryou nodded, and took another look at Ryuuji's untouched plate. "Are you going to eat? The food's good."

"Yeah, on that subject…" Ryuuji gestured to his plate, clueless, "What is this by the way?"

Ryou grinned at his friend's ignorance. On the plate was something they both recognized as pita, but inside of it with the assorted vegetables was an alien substance that looked to have been puréed to the composition of a very thick shake.

Of course, if you could imagine vegetable shakes—or, at least a vegetable shake piled into what appeared to be whole-wheat pita.

"It's a pita."

"And?"

"Hummus."

Ryuuji cringed and pushed the plate away. "That sounds lethal."

Ryou rolled his eyes and sighed at this, confounded by Ryuuji's sudden immaturity.

"It won't kill you. The main ingredient is chickpea."

"That being?"

"Delicious and perfectly safe, Otogi-kun. Eat it and stop complaining."

"What's it taste like?" Ryuuji asked, hesitantly pulling the plate back towards him.

"It has bit of a garlic, and also some lime-ness. There's a strong plant flavour too, but most of it is the chickpea. It's really quite good."

Ryuuji nodded along slowly. Taking Ryou's word for it, he grabbed the foreign food by the pita and took a timid bite. Besides the recognizable lettuce and tomato he tasted the hummus. Ryou's description had been rather accurate, only the lime and garlic weren't as strong as he'd anticipated. He decided the hummus wasn't exactly the best thing he'd tasted, but wasn't the worst either. The positive side was that it didn't taste as deadly as it sounded—even if it made one feel like a rabbit with the absence of meat. Unlike fast food and donuts, the pita lunch tasted healthy. It wasn't something Ryuuji was accustomed to.

"I take it you're okay, seeing as you're not spitting the stuff out or anything, right?" Ryou asked as Ryuuji swallowed his first bit. Ryuuji was lost on what to comment about it.

"It's different, but it's okay."

"Good, because I think it's terrible—Otousan left a tub of it in the refrigerator before he left."

Ryuuji's jaw dropped.

"You're joking."

"No, but you can take it off my hands now. I'm glad to find someone who likes it. Hummus is very healthy, you know."

Ryuuji didn't know what to think about this development. It was too late to politely back out of Ryou's offer and he felt like he owed it to the pale boy anyway for certain reasons he was trying not to think about. Unfortunately, what he was trying not to think about was making sure he accomplished anything but.

"Ryou," he started, wondering if bringing Hato up again was really the smartest thing to do at the moment, "You aren't still upset about…. About, you know."

It took Ryou a moment to notice what Ryuuji was implying. A small frown crossed his features in realization. He quickly shook it off, but Ryuuji understood enough to know it was still bothering the boy.

"Why are you worrying about that, it wasn't your fault." Ryou said sensibly, though Ryuuji doubted he meant it, "You were only trying to help. You didn't know what would happen."

This made sense, but Ryuuji wasn't in the mood to agree with it. With idiot birds pestering him, things would only get worse. He knew perfectly well what he had to do, and he had to act soon.

"Okay then. I'm going to hunt down Kaiba Seto and kiss him."

Ryou, losing control of himself upon hearing this announcement, choked and spat his recent mouthful of tea all over the table. Though Ryuuji was too far to be severely affected by the sudden spray, he couldn't say the same for his lunch, which was helplessly soaked. Ryou cough loudly and sputtered over the amount of liquid that had just entered his windpipe, gasping for breath as his lungs burned. Ryuuji hadn't timed his words well with Ryou's tea consumption. He suddenly realised he hadn't told Ryou about kissing Kaiba (or, he didn't very much remember if he had or not, choosing to not completely trust his few drunken memories).

"Gomen nasai," Ryou apologized after noticing Ryuuji's pita in a sea of tea. Ryuuji shrugged it off quickly as Ryou blushed. The dark-haired teen wasn't sure if this was from embarrassment, lack of oxygen, or both.

"Don't worry, you've got a whole tub of the stuff, remember? I can always get more."

Ryou, still red, nodded in agreement before finding his voice. "So you're really serious about the Kaiba thing? I though you were just raving."

Ryuuji blinked at Ryou, slightly confused. "I told you about that?"

"It came up."

"Oh," Ryuuji said, pausing for a moment. Well, it was good to know Ryou already thought he was insane.

"So how do you plan on doing all of this, just out of curiosity? I mean you can't just walk up to Kaiba, French him, and make off like a criminal."

"Why not?" Ryuuji ask, as that was exactly the plan. Ryou's jaw dropped in horror.

"Is there another way, something less, well, rude, crude, and socially unacceptable?"

"Not anything I plan on attempting…Why?"

"I thought you said he had to kiss you?"

Ryuuji looked at Ryou confused and curious to how the boy had ever come up such an idea. "Huh?"

"Well, that's what you said to Mei-san, wasn't it? '…until Kaiba kisses me full on the mouth'."

"No, I didn't." Ryuuji defended, slipping into denial.

"An entire train car could tell you otherwise. You really have to stop making such original and unusual threats."

"Kami-sama," Ryuuji muttered in disbelief, "that certainly makes things more difficult."

"Don't worry!" Ryou exclaimed optimistically, "It can't be too hard."

"Bakura, this is Kaiba Seto we're talking about here. He's heartless and cold, he'd never cooperate if his life depended on it."

Ryou's smile shrunk by a few centimeters, but he remained positive and encouraging. "Don't worry, I'm perfectly confident you'll succeed. I mean, it can't be hard for you."

Ryuuji's eyebrows heightened at this, "Just what are you implying?"

Ryou hesitated before answering him, "Uh, not that! I'm not saying you're a really spectacular flirt or anything. Er, not that you're a bad flirt either, gomen. I just…I just…ano…."

"Hm?"

"Good luck!" Ryou cheered ignoring the question.

"Bakura-kun…."

"Good luck!"

"You're not answering my question."

"Good luck!"

"This is wrong. I'm supposed to be the difficult one…."

"Good luck!"

Ryuuji sighed and looked for the waiter. "Check please."

"Good luck!"

-----

Ryou's obnoxious well-wishing may have been well founded, Ryuuji discovered. It would prove difficult to hit on someone whose personality was equivalent to that of a brick wall. But of course, this was only if the brick wall was also hooked up to a large bomb and ready to detonate and destroy anyone who tested its patience. Ryuuji wanted nothing whatsoever to do with a person like that. Unfortunately, it was Seto or the pigeons and Ryuuji had only recently decided that the birds were worse. His feces spattered shirts in the wash were only too willing to agree.

Standing in front of Kaiba Corp central headquarters, Ryuuji began to question whether or not it was better he had insisted on Ryou staying back. Of course that would have been awkward in his plan of action. You didn't go off dragging an incredibly good looking boy along while trying to attract the attention of the world's most popular CEO. It sent mixed messages that didn't make any sense.

So, he was alone. The doors to Kaiba Corp headquarters were bright and almost promising. One doubted if Kaiba was really such a terrible person. Arrogant snobs whose life goals pivoted on organization and antiseptic restraints on any and all aesthetic ideas did not deserve attractive offices.

…And the good deserved everything. The world was cotton candy, lollipops, rainbows, and unicorns.

Ryuuji didn't believe it, but instead of contemplating the confusing ways of the world, he entered the building. He had a plan and it was best not to get distracted after the first few steps.

"Excuse me, what time does Kaiba Seto get off?" Ryuuji asked the woman behind the desk. She looked at him silently for a few seconds as though she didn't understand.

"I said…" Ryuuji stopped. The woman's expression was one he had never dreamed possible and refused to even see for the first few seconds after it's appearance.

She was grinning.

Well, sneering was more like it.

"What are you…?"

To Ryuuji's amazement, the woman began laughing, cackling at him for some unexplained reason. She succeeded in completely confusing the game inventor, but he didn't plan giving her the satisfaction of being made aware of this. Instead he watched angrily, trying to come up with a comment to put the woman back into her place. While he as delegating with his ideas, she turned to a co-worker.

"Hey, this guy wants to know when Kaiba-sama is off."

The co-worker smirked and joined her laughing, looking at Ryuuji like he was the most hilarious thing to happen in the history of the building. Ryuuji wasn't lost on why anymore. He got the joke.

"Gah, if you don't mind shutting up for a few seconds and cooperating, maybe you could tell me whether or not Kaiba is currently engaged in anything I can't interrupt."

The co-worker looked at him clueless, "Interrupt?"

"Yes, because I'm strongly considering barging up there right now and making you two take the blame."

Ryuuji was quite proud of his retaliation. The desk woman's face instantly sobered back to its original thin-lipped glare. For once, he was relieved to see it. He hoped it would be the only time.

"Let me see then." She said curtly, turning to her computer. Ryuuji waited impatiently for the few seconds it took her to gather the information.

"He's supposed to be on a break right now, but that means he's probably working on something else. Feel free to intrude."

Ryuuji nodded, not letting the random co-worker's rejuvenated smirking fest distract him.

"Well then, thank you for that." He said with a obvious implication of sarcasm. The woman smiled, mockingly hopeful.

"No, I'm pretty sure Kaiba-sama's going to kill you. I don't like you."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll convince you otherwise eventually," Ryuuji grinned, turning for the elevator, "No one resists me for very long."

Displaying an amazing bridge from her normal character, the woman promptly flipped off the teen at this comment before returning to her desk guarding duties. Her co-worker lackey burst out laughing the instant the elevator doors closed. Ryuuji frowned intolerantly once out of site, wondering if he'd have the charisma to convince Seto to make a few major staff changes.

-----

Kaiba's office was quiet and unsuspecting. The tapping of the keys was the only sound penetrating the silence found up in the hundred stories. A clean glass-encased panorama of Domino was wasted on the long indifferent CEO. He was too busy drafting the bones of a report on the Meji period, and the results weren't too promising. It didn't help matters when Ryuuji suddenly entered, looking extremely poised and relaxed as he played with a random die.

"Who let you in here?" Kaiba snapped, exiting his document in order to focus his immediate irritation on the game inventor.

"I guess your staff did, because they didn't stop me."

Kaiba only kept his usual intense yet oddly uninterested expression.

"You know, you're probably at your best when you're expressionless." Ryuuji observed rather pointlessly, "It leaves everyone free to guess what you're feeling, no matter how off base."

"And what has that got to do with anything?"

"I think it's my favourite expression of yours. It certain is the one I see the most…besides mildly surprised, and contemptuous."

"…And I guess you're here to gripe about Bakura. You're so predictable," Kaiba said as he vocally tried to decide why the dice fiend was even in the room.

Ryuuji smirked. Then, he lied, "Actually, that wasn't my initial intention. I have no concern for Ryou, and whatever he does on his own time is not any of my business."

Ryuuji was ready to substitute Kaiba's current expression as one of surprise, even though he wasn't quite sure what the hell it was. Kaiba was different from other people to that extent. He didn't often express himself within ranges that were universally understandable, or very describable.

"Then you're here to harry me over the fate of your tournament?"

"Wrong again!" Ryuuji sang.

"Well, since it isn't likely I'll be reading your mind any time soon, maybe you feel like explaining?" Kaiba asked. "Don't…waste my time," he added in warning.

"That depends on how you define wasting time."

"Are you asking me to elaborate?"

"If you want to hear yourself speak."

Ryuuji grinned smugly and Kaiba didn't understand why. What had possessed the man to come if not to complain? Really, it seemed that was all the teen ever did. Of course, Kaiba had no possible way of knowing about the pigeons and how he was expect to eventually take Ryuuji in his arms for a kiss full on the mouth (as it had been described). Therefore, he had a right to be taken aback when Ryuuji spoke.

"But I do hope you're no longer going to bother with Ryou."

"Are you his nanny?"

"No, but it would make things difficult for me if you two were together."

Kaiba repressed a sudden desire to roll his eyes rather obnoxiously and sigh, "You really are here to grip about Ryou, aren't you? Listen, your little obsession has nothing to do with me, so you can leave right now."

"My obsession has everything to do with you," Ryuuji replied silkily, "My obsession is you."

Kaiba had nothing to say to this, he concentrated all of his effort into remaining as impassive as always. Luckily, Ryuuji didn't seem to be expecting an answer; he was happy enough, it appeared, with the effect his words had produced. Before closing the door, however, he fired a die right at the silent businessman. Kaiba caught it and dropped it on the table instantly in disgust. Ryuuji had already left.

-----

Downstairs, the woman behind the desk watched Ryuuji leave. He looked lethal. She caught several bright remarks such as: "I can believe I'm putting up with this," "Bakayaro," and "Someone kill me now."

She frowned as he came into hearing range, "Oh god, did you two have another argument? How immature."

Ryuuji didn't even look at her as he walked by, growling faintly, "You have no idea."

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Lettered Notes:

{A}: Nothin', nada, zilch.

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Translations:

Note on Translations:

My friend Telly was right; I can't keep re-translating all of everything. No new words this chapter, 'cos I'm laaazy. xp

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Next Chapter: Next chapter in…three months? ::blink:: Gomen. Next chapter will have some kawaii-ness in "Why Soo Mad?" gags at title Heh, my originality is petering into complete inexistence.

Oh, if you wanna know, I wrote a fic. nervous grin Yeah…. It's got Ryuuji. The title is "Immaturity at its Finest". nudge, nudge You know you all wanna read it.

Randomness: singing Yes, we have no bananas!

Ling no Yong