Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh and am not making money from this fic. Is that not hard to believe?

Notes: It's one in the morning, so forgive me for these sucky and short AN's. I'm a friggen insomniac.

Chapter Information: Now for Hato again…I think. This chapter is short, but I really don't know what else to do with it. ::slams head into wall repeatedly::

Thanks: Windswift for beta-reading! Good thing I have so many. ::cheers:: My long thing-whatever-it-is of review comments seems rather bigheaded and unneeded for this chapter, since it's so short. I'll thank everyone next chapter, 'kay?

Lotta dialogue here. That's interesting, right? ::dies::

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Or Die Trying

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-So Angry-

"I cannot keep this up, Mahout. Kaiba's impossible."

Ryou nodded mutely. Ryuuji had been incessantly complaining about his current situation since he'd walked through the door and taken his shoes off. Ryou had done his best to fill the role of gracious host, but Ryuuji was oblivious to the soda that had been set before him. He was livid in explaining his crisis and expecting Ryou to offer some kind of assurance, maybe even an alternate solution.

"Well you know, sticking to your theory on how all of this started; it's entirely your fault."

"That doesn't help me."

"What do you want to hear?"

"A solution."

"Gomen, but I haven't got one."

Ryuuji sighed and fell back into the sofa. Ryou winced as he heard the wooden feet thud after a short take off from the floor. He hoped everyone downstairs were watching television, too distracted to notice the roof threatening to crash in.

"I mean, it's bad enough I don't want Kaiba to kiss me. He probably doesn't want him to kiss me either," Ryuuji articulated intelligently. Ryou sighed and sipped his drink.

"I don't even know if he's gay."

"Or bi." Ryou chirped in accord. Ryuuji didn't look so enthusiastic.

"…Or bi," he agreed.

Ryou continued to sip his drink as Ryuuji smoldered in a heavy silence, well fueled by the knowledge of how hopeless a position he'd put himself in. Not even Ryou could help him, or at least procure some up-lifting optimistic viewpoints. He was quite accurately stuck between a rock and a hard place. It was Kaiba or the pigeons, and neither was worse than the other.

"I don't think really think you should worry about that. You ought to ask Kaiba to kiss you."

"That doesn't even make sense, Mahout. If you really can't come up with a solution, then I'm not expecting you to say anything."

"I'm perfectly serious," Ryou defended, "Why wouldn't he? It's not like you're asking him to marry you."

"He'd refuse on the grounds of me being irrational. I agree. If someone came up to me asking for a kiss to save them from bird attacks, I'd think they were insane."

Ryou shook his head regretfully, "I've been thinking about your plan since you present it to me yesterday. I am convinced, Otogi-kun, that you can't just make Kaiba fall in love with you. That wouldn't be unfair to Kaiba. You're just using him."

"And I care?"

Ryou looked at Ryuuji with an expression of extreme disappointment. He said finally, with a frightening amount of resolution, "If you don't truly care about hurting another person for some stupid excuse about pigeons, you're excused to leave."

Ryuuji didn't move. His mind was refusing to process the information he'd just received.

"You're not serious," he said flatly.

"You can leave or I will go, and I will find Kaiba myself and tell him what you're doing."

Ryuuji remained motionless. Ryou sighed again and stood up, scanning the area for his coat. As this image translated its true meaning to Ryuuji, the dark teen shot up and ran for the door.

"And what happens if I leave?" he asked, blocking the exit.

"I won't speak to you again."

Ryuuji, for one, was shocked. In fact, he was outright terrified. Was Ryou really saying that to him?

"Why?"

"Because to do something so heartless would prove to me you are completely abominable and not worth my time."

Ryuuji didn't know what to do. He was confused and still frustrated. He didn't know what Ryou wanted.

"What do I do? I can't just ask Kaiba to cooperate. You know that."

"Then accept those pigeons you believe are after you."

"I can't live with those."

"So you'd rather hurt someone? Kaiba's only so hard to reach because he's been burned. You'll make it worse if things work out as planned. If you want to win over Kaiba, you'll have to give me up, because I refuse to be your excuse."

"Bakura-kun…."

The apartment was silent. Ryou look surprisingly adamant in his convictions and unwilling to back down. Ryuuji finally fell into a resigned slouch on the door.

"Fine, I'll live with pigeons," he said slowly, "At least I'll get to know the man at the laundry better when I come in with feces covered shirts."

"Gomen nasai," Ryou apologized, "I just don't want you to be so insensitive. Kaiba doesn't deserve it."

"I know," Ryuuji said, grabbing his coat and putting his shoes back on, "I know."

-----

Two hours later, Ryuuji still wasn't by any means convinced walking out on Ryou would help him. He only felt it was a more favourable option over doing something that was more clearly stupid and unnecessary. Tense silences could drive a person insane. There was nothing wrong with having nothing to say; but being expected to offer some kind of saving solution in words next time you open your mouth was hell. Ryou was a master at making all sorts of problems, but the same didn't go for his ability to fix them. Ryuuji would've loved to make a compromise; only the situation was so cleanly cut with its extreme results as to make a happy medium near impossible. Did he want to face the birds or Kaiba? Kaiba or Ryou? Ryou or the birds? Everything was too hard to think about. Couldn't he just find a damn idiot, force them to change their name to Kaiba Seto, and request a kiss?

No, because Ryou would make him marry the idiot.

Ryuuji glowered at the pavement. He tossed a vindictive glare towards a small group of pigeons perched on some sorry person's cherished car. One flopped over and slid down the windscreen, making several panicked and furious noises. The majority of the flock shot up into the air, leaving a few behind. Ryuuji was taken aback by the sight of a white dove. He couldn't believe it. Against his better judgement, he approached the vehicle to get a better look.

Ryuuji didn't consider himself a bird identification expert, but he was positive he was looking at Hato. The black band around the dove's leg made his judgement final, and he was instantly faced with the problem of figuring out how to get him. Having no clue what to do, he spoke.

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Lettered Notes:

{A}: I'm sorry it's so short, but hey, at least I'm updating, right? ::dies again:: This is the shortest update I've ever let myself get away with publishing.

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Translations:

Note on Translations:

No new words this chapter that I'm aware of.

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Next Chapter: Next chapter will hopefully be longer than this. ::nervous grin and wave:: I think the title will be "Stupid" since my creativity is currently inexistent. ::attacked by those still reading the fic…a small force, but nonetheless strong:: If things go as planned, there will be kissing. Doesn't that just make your day?

I will thank reviewers and such next chapter, when I will presumably be more than half awake.

Randomness: One page…wft? I wrote ONE page? (And most of it's dialogue too!)

Ling no Yong