Usual disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, I am merely torturing the boys
(Wufei especially) for a while.
I also do not own Batman. But I do own the Batmobile with cool sidecar
splitting action!
TV Land Part II,
" . . . will flog you within an inch of your life with this whip." Wufei finished brandishing a black leather bullwhip in his left hand.
Duo broke out into a riot of maniacal laughter, as Wufei gripped the leather tighter. Heero shook his head and scratched the back of his leg with his cane. He never would understand Duo, even a blind man could tell that Wufei was serious about his threat, and it was never wise to anger a martial artist brandishing a weapon. Heero tapped his foot against the cane he was leaning on. Oh well, I guess Duo will have to learn the hard way . . . Heero froze. How did he manage to get a cane? He never used a cane, not even when he had set his own leg.
"Gentlemen, I think it's happened again," Heero spoke flatly.
The trio froze and surveyed their surroundings. A riot of colors swirled and pulsed about to room to a crazy disco beat. There were all manner of velour chairs and chaise lounges scattered about, but that was not the worst of it. In the center of the room stood the three very odd looking young men. Duo was dressed in a red suit and matching pinstriped pants, with a ruffled green shirt, and green flower in the lapel. His face was as white as a sheet with scarlet red lips that seemed to form a perpetual grin and lime green hair. To his right stood Heero, dressed entirely in green spandex with lavender mask and matching briefs, and a large purple question mark in his chest. His hair was hidden by a green derby and his white- gloved hands were leaning on a cane in the shape of a question mark. Wufei was dressed from the neck down in a black sequined one-piece body suit with matching gloves, and a cute silver belt and necklace. His hair was loose with a pair of cat ears nestled snugly within his bouffant locks. A small velvet mask was all he had left to preserve his dignity.
"Hey Woofie, you look good in black," Duo smirked. "The heels are a nice touch too. Not every man can use accessories like that."
"He's got a point Chang," Heero agreed, " I couldn't pull off heels and sequins, but on you it looks . . ."
The whip cracked precariously close to Heero's head. "If you value yourrr looks you will not finish that sentence, " Wufei hissed. "And as for you Maxwell, if you don't find me something else to wearrr I will purrrsonally overrrr see yourrr tourrrrturrrre."
Duo broke out into maniacal laughter once again, "Living classic TV is even better then watching it."
"Does this mean you know were we are?" Heero asked.
"Where is the zipperrr on this thing?" Asked Chang as he patted the front of the suit. Suddenly his hands paused at chest level when he realized he had more chest then he should have. "INJUSTICE!!!!!" came his horrified cry. "Not only am I forrrced to drrress like an onna, but I have to be stacked like one too?"
This turned the heads of both the other pilots. Sure enough, Wufei filled out all of the curves of the cat suit. With a courteous tilt to his head, Heero reached out and grabbed Wufei's left breast and gave it a tentative squeeze. Not to be out done Duo grabbed he the right breast, his smile taking on more of a leering quality then before. Wufei's face flushed a deep red.
"This is the most realistic silicone I've ever felt, "Heero assessed clinically. "It even feels warm to the touch."
"You're absolutely right Heero," Duo chimed in excitedly giving his breast another squeeze.
Wufei was shaking with anger, "Remove yourrr hands frrrom my chest this instant before I kill you both."
The two pilots took a step back.
"Jeez Woofie," Duo scoffed, "We were just having a bit of fun with you. It's not like they're real."
Wufei turned almost purple, his body trembling with barley suppressed fury.
"So it wasn't silicone after all," Heero stated. "Sorry Chang, I hope I didn't bruise you."
"Whoa!!! You mean that bodacious rack was all Woofie?" Duo asked incredulously. "Dam Fei, you are going to have to save me a slot on your dance card."
Heero shook his head and took a seat on the nearest sofa, trying to work out what to do next. Wufei was chasing Duo around the dance floor snapping his whip and trying to catch Duo. The Braided Baka was far quicker and not burdened with 4-inch stiletto heels. Hero would have to wait for his explanation of where they were until after Wufei got tired of chasing Duo. Once more he looked down at his costume. It wasn't his first choice of color, but he couldn't fault the material. Nothing was more comfortable then spandex. Setting himself comfortably into his chair, Heero waited for his explanation.
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na.
Two costumed men are standing inside a large cavern filled with all sorts of strange memorabilia. One of the men is dressed in gray spandex with a blue cape and cowl. He has matching blue gloves and boots, a yellow "utility" belt and a black Bat Symbol on his chest. His counter-part was a riot of color, with his yellow cape, Red shirt, and green shoes and gauntlets. He wore a simple black mask over his eyes, although only one eye was visible since a swatch of hair covered the other.
" . . . that's why you disabled engine number three," Quatre scolded, "just so I would know you were all right?"
"Exactly," Trowa confirmed. "Also, it just kind of seemed like the right thing to do."
"Didn't you think it might not be such a good idea to disable a jumbo jet filled with passengers while in flight?
"Holy jump down my throat Quatre, I said I was sorry," Trowa exclaimed. "I mean what would you have done in my place if you had found yourself on the wing of a moving airplane with the freakish ability to ignore the wind tearing by at hundreds of miles per hour?"
"I would have tried to get someone's attention and let them know of my predicament," Quatre said with righteous indignation.
"Well I waved at Duo and told him if he didn't help me I was going to dismantle the engines, and he just drew the shade," Trowa murmured defensively
"And do you honestly think he heard you?" Quatre said patronizingly, "He was only sitting inside a pressurized cabin."
"I thought he could read lips!"
"Can you read lips?" Quatre asked.
"No, but I think it's a very useful skill and everyone should learn how, but that's beside the point. I went up and pressed my face against the glass and yelled so Duo could hear me, and I thought he did because he drew the shade. But all he did was stare at me for a moment, then return to his conversation."
"So you disabled the engine."
"Of course, " Trowa answered in a huff, his arms folded. "If you don't back your threats, no one will respect you."
"No wonder Heero shot at you," Quatre said shaking his head. "Now, do you have any idea were we are now?"
"Yes," Trowa sniffed, "we're in the Bat Cave."
Quatre nodded sagely, then struck the other pilot upside the head. "I can see we are in a cave inhabited by bats, but that doesn't tell me where we are."
Trowa shuddered and smiled at Quatre, "You haven't hit me like that in a long time, not since the time I accidentally bit your . . ."
"I asked you not to bring that up again," Quatre blushed, "and anyway, we have other problems right now, like where are we and where are the others?"
Trowa sighed, "Like I said before, we are in the bat cave. You are the Batman, and I am Robin, the boy wonder. The bat cave is located outside of Gotham City, and Gotham city resides only in comic books."
"So you're trying to tell me that we are some kind of comic book?" Quatre asked incredulously.
"No," Trowa sighed, "we are trapped in the zany TV spin-off where the super computer has typewriter keys, a series of flashing light bulbs, and spits out a string of adding machine tape that you somehow can magically read and use to solve crimes. You are the super sleuth, and I am you comic relief sidekick, sometimes referred to as the 'Boy Hostage.' Week after week we do battle with various 'Super Villains' and thanks to your sleuthing skills, we always save the day."
"So let me get this straight, we are trapped in one of Duo's inane TV shows," Quatre asked.
"Yes."
"And I am the main character of this show, the hero if you will?"
"Yes," Trowa nodded, "In fact, the show is titled Batman, after your character."
"So it's basically all about me, and my superior brain power?"
"And fighting skills, Yes." Trowa frowned, "Quatre, why are you getting that look in your eye?"
"It's all about me," Quatre said, his masked face beaming with joy. "This one is all mine, you emotionless smug little jerk! In your face Heero Yuy, in this world you take a back seat to me and my Boy Wonderful. Oh you are so getting some tonight Trowa."
Trowa's grin widened. "Can we keep the costumes on?"
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na once again.
Wufei is standing bent over with his hands on his hips breathing hard. Duo has taken a mesmerized stance in front of Wufei, and is watching his chest heave with his heavy breathing. Heero, sitting comfortably on his sofa, has the opposite view. Both Pilots sigh in unison.
"Riddle me this," Heero said with a smile, "When does the lovers moon show it's face in the daytime."
"When celestial orbs meet them halfway?" Duo asked with a grin.
"What . . . arrre . . . you two . . . babbling about . . . now?" Wufei panted.
"Nothing," Duo sighed and strolled over to join Heero on his sofa.
Heero tore his gaze away from Wufei and turned to the approaching Duo. "So, are you ready you tell us were we are and why we are dressed like this?"
"Oh sure," Duo said with a shrug, "we seemed to be trapped within a classic TV show right now."
"What?" Heero asked with an uplifted eyebrow.
"Yes, Maxwell, . . . please trrry . . . to explain that . . . one again."
Duo sighed, "I can only presume, based on the facts we have on hand. The facts are as follows: 1. This is a really cheesy hide out with an overly large skylight designed for a heroic entrance. 2. These costumes are so last century that I think the fibers used in them are now banned in our time. And 3. Wufei's new found femininity is a dead giveaway we aren't in Preventers barracks anymore. What does all this add up you say? A classic TV program from the mid twentieth century, one of the same programs I had been looking forward to watching this evening."
"Do you know who or what we are supposed to be?" Heero asked with a spark of interest in his voice.
"Oh yeah," Duo smirked, "We are the Super Villains of this show. "Wufei is the dreaded Catwoman, thief par-excellent, and seductress supreme. Thus his fuzzy ears and his love of rolling his rrr's. I am the Joker, A sociopathic genius who loves a good laugh."
"Then I must be the brains of this outfit," Heero announced, "What is my name, the Question man?"
"More like the . . . What Is He Thinking man," Wufei scoffed.
"Actually, you are quite the brain," Duo announced. "You go by the alias of the Riddler, and you always offer a series of riddles to the hero in order to give him a fighting chance to stop you."
"Why would I be so stupid as to give away my plans to one who could stop them? If I give out riddles they would be to confuse or mislead my enemies, not to help them."
Duo paused, "Well, you raise a valid point, but the Riddler has quite the ego, and he likes matching wits with his enemy. You see, he truly believes he can out think his opponent and so he likes to taunt them with clues."
Heero nodded sagely, "I understand, but I still think misleading riddles that lead away from the scene of the crime would be better."
"That is because you lack honorrr Heerrro, "Wufei snapped, his breath recovered. "I rrrespect this Rrriddler's motivation. Only if he is the strrrongerrr intellect can his plan succeed. If his intellect is weakerrr his plan must fail. That must be why this Cat Woman works with him, forrr she can see that he is strrrong and honorable like herself."
"Actually, she is just a common thief that gets to hang with the big boys because Batman has a thing for her," Duo stated with a shrug.
"Fei's face darkened, "So I am herrre merrrly to be the object of Batman's affection, and to purrrsue a few cheap baubles?"
"Yes," Duo answered with a nod, "you're here for that, and to offer some eye candy to the men of this outfit."
"Injustice!!!" Wufei cried, the whip poised to strike.
"Here they go again," Heero groaned.
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na. (Repetitive, aint it?)
"My God Trowa, it's the biggest one I've ever laid my hands on." Quatre said stroking the smooth surface.
"Yes, It's quite impressive isn't it?" Trowa stated proudly.
"It's so smooth, so rigid, so . . . " Quatre shivered, "so darn massive."
"Yes," Trowa stated proudly. "A bank minted this penny as a promotional gimmick. Two Face tried to flip you on it and you managed to get free before it crushed you. The bank felt bad about it so they let you keep the world's largest penny."
"Well, I am multi-talented aren't I?" Quatre said puffing his chest out even further. "Tell me more of my great deeds."
Trowa rolled his eyes, "How about we go out and do some great deeds instead. Somewhere in Gotham the other three must be searching for us. We could use your Bat Computer to try and find them."
"Of course!" Quatre struck his best heroic pose, "That is exactly was I was about to suggest. To the Bat Computer Trowa."
"Yes Q-Man," Trowa smirked.
"Now lets see," Quatre said with a look of utter confusion, "How do I make this work?"
"In the show, Batman would babble the random facts aloud while punching seemingly random keys. The lights would flash as the computer 'thought'. Then the adding machine tape would be spit out and you would read the answer," Trowa explained, not quite sure how to make the antique work either.
"OK," He said and placed his left hand on the keypad, "Duo thinks he is the god of death and he has a long pony tail. Wufei is an egotistical woman hating martial artist, and Heero is just as insufferable but not the hero of this show. Where are they?"
He had typed purely random keys as he spoke with the computer, and now the two sat and watched in stunned silence as the lights began to flash on the big Light-Bright board they had for a monitor. Within a few moments the tape began to issue forth. Quatre only seemed to glance at it before he struck yet another heroic pose like he was looking off into the rising sun.
"Of course Trowa," He said pounding his fist into his hand like he was going to play ro sham bo, "they must be at the Faster Pussycat Disco Bar."
"Holly, Sleaze Pit Quatre," Trowa said copying his partner's motion with his hand, " that place is a cesspool of sin and depravity."
"True Trowa," Quatre nodded sagely, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
"What should we do?"
"We must go and make a dramatic entrance so as to impress them with our deductive prowess. To the Bat Mobile Trowa."
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na. (As if you didn't see it coming from a mile away)
"Why do we have to use yourrr plan, what's wrong with my plan?" Wufei demanded
"Uh, I don't think hold them down and hit them until they surrender is much of a plan Fei," Duo said with a grin.
"It's perfect and it's simple," Fei demanded. "If we are stronger then we should get to . . ."
"We have company," Heero interrupted, pointing at the skylight.
Duo and Wufei both turned to look at what Heero was pointing at. On the roof top the Dynamic Duo were having an argument loud enough to be overheard below.
"I most certainly will not go first Quatre," Trowa snorted, "I'm only wearing his little Bikini Bottom pants and small shoes. That glass skylight will cut my legs to ribbons. You at least have a pair of tights on to offer you some protection."
"But Trowa, you know how easily I bruise . . . " Quatre wheedled.
"That is the Dynamic Duo?" Wufei asked incredulously.
"More like the ambiguously gay duo," Duo snorted.
"Have a seat," Heero offered, "This might take a while."
"Do you see, what Trowa is wearing?" Duo asked sitting.
"It would be more appropriate to say- do you see what he is not wearing," Heero offered sitting next to Duo.
"It makes me feel a whole lot better about myself," Fei said stretching out on a chair.
"Fine," Trowa threw up his hands in surrender, "You know I can't fight the kicked puppy eyes, but you are going to owe me big time."
"Thanks Trowa, you really are the best partner anyone could ask for."
The two grabbed the permanently anchored ropes that were mounted to the roof, and with Trowa leading the charge, they shattered the large glass skylight
The pair who had broke the skylight landed and took up their stance, back to back trying to assess their enemies. The trio of pilots merely applauded and let the duo take a bow. Quatre took the three in quickly and saw he had found Heero, Duo, and a raven haired Beauty that had the kind of curves road signs warn about. Not wanting to alert his partner to his newfound lust, he silently mouthed the words 'call me' to the raven hairdo beauty, before addressing the others.
"Hey Heero, hey Duo, where's Fei?"
"Why don't you ask Catwoman over there," Duo said with a smile, "I'm sure she has something to say on the subject."
"Yes," Heero said eying Trowa, "and we have something we need to discuss with Trowa."
Quatre nodded, "Sure I won't be but a few minutes.
Trowa looked at the two other pilots as they eyed him hungrily.
"Hey Guys," Trowa said nervously. "What's up?"
"We are," Heero said with a grin. "Hit it Duo."
Duo flipped the stereo up to an ear splitting leaves and the Strobe lights had company as little sound effect cards like RIP, and GASP, flashed over the screen.
Quatre approached Catwoman with a smile on his face, "I normally don't go for women, but something about you makes me want to . . . . "
Stay tuned Next Friday When Duo Says, "Slip in like this, it's faster."
TV Land Part II,
" . . . will flog you within an inch of your life with this whip." Wufei finished brandishing a black leather bullwhip in his left hand.
Duo broke out into a riot of maniacal laughter, as Wufei gripped the leather tighter. Heero shook his head and scratched the back of his leg with his cane. He never would understand Duo, even a blind man could tell that Wufei was serious about his threat, and it was never wise to anger a martial artist brandishing a weapon. Heero tapped his foot against the cane he was leaning on. Oh well, I guess Duo will have to learn the hard way . . . Heero froze. How did he manage to get a cane? He never used a cane, not even when he had set his own leg.
"Gentlemen, I think it's happened again," Heero spoke flatly.
The trio froze and surveyed their surroundings. A riot of colors swirled and pulsed about to room to a crazy disco beat. There were all manner of velour chairs and chaise lounges scattered about, but that was not the worst of it. In the center of the room stood the three very odd looking young men. Duo was dressed in a red suit and matching pinstriped pants, with a ruffled green shirt, and green flower in the lapel. His face was as white as a sheet with scarlet red lips that seemed to form a perpetual grin and lime green hair. To his right stood Heero, dressed entirely in green spandex with lavender mask and matching briefs, and a large purple question mark in his chest. His hair was hidden by a green derby and his white- gloved hands were leaning on a cane in the shape of a question mark. Wufei was dressed from the neck down in a black sequined one-piece body suit with matching gloves, and a cute silver belt and necklace. His hair was loose with a pair of cat ears nestled snugly within his bouffant locks. A small velvet mask was all he had left to preserve his dignity.
"Hey Woofie, you look good in black," Duo smirked. "The heels are a nice touch too. Not every man can use accessories like that."
"He's got a point Chang," Heero agreed, " I couldn't pull off heels and sequins, but on you it looks . . ."
The whip cracked precariously close to Heero's head. "If you value yourrr looks you will not finish that sentence, " Wufei hissed. "And as for you Maxwell, if you don't find me something else to wearrr I will purrrsonally overrrr see yourrr tourrrrturrrre."
Duo broke out into maniacal laughter once again, "Living classic TV is even better then watching it."
"Does this mean you know were we are?" Heero asked.
"Where is the zipperrr on this thing?" Asked Chang as he patted the front of the suit. Suddenly his hands paused at chest level when he realized he had more chest then he should have. "INJUSTICE!!!!!" came his horrified cry. "Not only am I forrrced to drrress like an onna, but I have to be stacked like one too?"
This turned the heads of both the other pilots. Sure enough, Wufei filled out all of the curves of the cat suit. With a courteous tilt to his head, Heero reached out and grabbed Wufei's left breast and gave it a tentative squeeze. Not to be out done Duo grabbed he the right breast, his smile taking on more of a leering quality then before. Wufei's face flushed a deep red.
"This is the most realistic silicone I've ever felt, "Heero assessed clinically. "It even feels warm to the touch."
"You're absolutely right Heero," Duo chimed in excitedly giving his breast another squeeze.
Wufei was shaking with anger, "Remove yourrr hands frrrom my chest this instant before I kill you both."
The two pilots took a step back.
"Jeez Woofie," Duo scoffed, "We were just having a bit of fun with you. It's not like they're real."
Wufei turned almost purple, his body trembling with barley suppressed fury.
"So it wasn't silicone after all," Heero stated. "Sorry Chang, I hope I didn't bruise you."
"Whoa!!! You mean that bodacious rack was all Woofie?" Duo asked incredulously. "Dam Fei, you are going to have to save me a slot on your dance card."
Heero shook his head and took a seat on the nearest sofa, trying to work out what to do next. Wufei was chasing Duo around the dance floor snapping his whip and trying to catch Duo. The Braided Baka was far quicker and not burdened with 4-inch stiletto heels. Hero would have to wait for his explanation of where they were until after Wufei got tired of chasing Duo. Once more he looked down at his costume. It wasn't his first choice of color, but he couldn't fault the material. Nothing was more comfortable then spandex. Setting himself comfortably into his chair, Heero waited for his explanation.
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na.
Two costumed men are standing inside a large cavern filled with all sorts of strange memorabilia. One of the men is dressed in gray spandex with a blue cape and cowl. He has matching blue gloves and boots, a yellow "utility" belt and a black Bat Symbol on his chest. His counter-part was a riot of color, with his yellow cape, Red shirt, and green shoes and gauntlets. He wore a simple black mask over his eyes, although only one eye was visible since a swatch of hair covered the other.
" . . . that's why you disabled engine number three," Quatre scolded, "just so I would know you were all right?"
"Exactly," Trowa confirmed. "Also, it just kind of seemed like the right thing to do."
"Didn't you think it might not be such a good idea to disable a jumbo jet filled with passengers while in flight?
"Holy jump down my throat Quatre, I said I was sorry," Trowa exclaimed. "I mean what would you have done in my place if you had found yourself on the wing of a moving airplane with the freakish ability to ignore the wind tearing by at hundreds of miles per hour?"
"I would have tried to get someone's attention and let them know of my predicament," Quatre said with righteous indignation.
"Well I waved at Duo and told him if he didn't help me I was going to dismantle the engines, and he just drew the shade," Trowa murmured defensively
"And do you honestly think he heard you?" Quatre said patronizingly, "He was only sitting inside a pressurized cabin."
"I thought he could read lips!"
"Can you read lips?" Quatre asked.
"No, but I think it's a very useful skill and everyone should learn how, but that's beside the point. I went up and pressed my face against the glass and yelled so Duo could hear me, and I thought he did because he drew the shade. But all he did was stare at me for a moment, then return to his conversation."
"So you disabled the engine."
"Of course, " Trowa answered in a huff, his arms folded. "If you don't back your threats, no one will respect you."
"No wonder Heero shot at you," Quatre said shaking his head. "Now, do you have any idea were we are now?"
"Yes," Trowa sniffed, "we're in the Bat Cave."
Quatre nodded sagely, then struck the other pilot upside the head. "I can see we are in a cave inhabited by bats, but that doesn't tell me where we are."
Trowa shuddered and smiled at Quatre, "You haven't hit me like that in a long time, not since the time I accidentally bit your . . ."
"I asked you not to bring that up again," Quatre blushed, "and anyway, we have other problems right now, like where are we and where are the others?"
Trowa sighed, "Like I said before, we are in the bat cave. You are the Batman, and I am Robin, the boy wonder. The bat cave is located outside of Gotham City, and Gotham city resides only in comic books."
"So you're trying to tell me that we are some kind of comic book?" Quatre asked incredulously.
"No," Trowa sighed, "we are trapped in the zany TV spin-off where the super computer has typewriter keys, a series of flashing light bulbs, and spits out a string of adding machine tape that you somehow can magically read and use to solve crimes. You are the super sleuth, and I am you comic relief sidekick, sometimes referred to as the 'Boy Hostage.' Week after week we do battle with various 'Super Villains' and thanks to your sleuthing skills, we always save the day."
"So let me get this straight, we are trapped in one of Duo's inane TV shows," Quatre asked.
"Yes."
"And I am the main character of this show, the hero if you will?"
"Yes," Trowa nodded, "In fact, the show is titled Batman, after your character."
"So it's basically all about me, and my superior brain power?"
"And fighting skills, Yes." Trowa frowned, "Quatre, why are you getting that look in your eye?"
"It's all about me," Quatre said, his masked face beaming with joy. "This one is all mine, you emotionless smug little jerk! In your face Heero Yuy, in this world you take a back seat to me and my Boy Wonderful. Oh you are so getting some tonight Trowa."
Trowa's grin widened. "Can we keep the costumes on?"
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na once again.
Wufei is standing bent over with his hands on his hips breathing hard. Duo has taken a mesmerized stance in front of Wufei, and is watching his chest heave with his heavy breathing. Heero, sitting comfortably on his sofa, has the opposite view. Both Pilots sigh in unison.
"Riddle me this," Heero said with a smile, "When does the lovers moon show it's face in the daytime."
"When celestial orbs meet them halfway?" Duo asked with a grin.
"What . . . arrre . . . you two . . . babbling about . . . now?" Wufei panted.
"Nothing," Duo sighed and strolled over to join Heero on his sofa.
Heero tore his gaze away from Wufei and turned to the approaching Duo. "So, are you ready you tell us were we are and why we are dressed like this?"
"Oh sure," Duo said with a shrug, "we seemed to be trapped within a classic TV show right now."
"What?" Heero asked with an uplifted eyebrow.
"Yes, Maxwell, . . . please trrry . . . to explain that . . . one again."
Duo sighed, "I can only presume, based on the facts we have on hand. The facts are as follows: 1. This is a really cheesy hide out with an overly large skylight designed for a heroic entrance. 2. These costumes are so last century that I think the fibers used in them are now banned in our time. And 3. Wufei's new found femininity is a dead giveaway we aren't in Preventers barracks anymore. What does all this add up you say? A classic TV program from the mid twentieth century, one of the same programs I had been looking forward to watching this evening."
"Do you know who or what we are supposed to be?" Heero asked with a spark of interest in his voice.
"Oh yeah," Duo smirked, "We are the Super Villains of this show. "Wufei is the dreaded Catwoman, thief par-excellent, and seductress supreme. Thus his fuzzy ears and his love of rolling his rrr's. I am the Joker, A sociopathic genius who loves a good laugh."
"Then I must be the brains of this outfit," Heero announced, "What is my name, the Question man?"
"More like the . . . What Is He Thinking man," Wufei scoffed.
"Actually, you are quite the brain," Duo announced. "You go by the alias of the Riddler, and you always offer a series of riddles to the hero in order to give him a fighting chance to stop you."
"Why would I be so stupid as to give away my plans to one who could stop them? If I give out riddles they would be to confuse or mislead my enemies, not to help them."
Duo paused, "Well, you raise a valid point, but the Riddler has quite the ego, and he likes matching wits with his enemy. You see, he truly believes he can out think his opponent and so he likes to taunt them with clues."
Heero nodded sagely, "I understand, but I still think misleading riddles that lead away from the scene of the crime would be better."
"That is because you lack honorrr Heerrro, "Wufei snapped, his breath recovered. "I rrrespect this Rrriddler's motivation. Only if he is the strrrongerrr intellect can his plan succeed. If his intellect is weakerrr his plan must fail. That must be why this Cat Woman works with him, forrr she can see that he is strrrong and honorable like herself."
"Actually, she is just a common thief that gets to hang with the big boys because Batman has a thing for her," Duo stated with a shrug.
"Fei's face darkened, "So I am herrre merrrly to be the object of Batman's affection, and to purrrsue a few cheap baubles?"
"Yes," Duo answered with a nod, "you're here for that, and to offer some eye candy to the men of this outfit."
"Injustice!!!" Wufei cried, the whip poised to strike.
"Here they go again," Heero groaned.
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na. (Repetitive, aint it?)
"My God Trowa, it's the biggest one I've ever laid my hands on." Quatre said stroking the smooth surface.
"Yes, It's quite impressive isn't it?" Trowa stated proudly.
"It's so smooth, so rigid, so . . . " Quatre shivered, "so darn massive."
"Yes," Trowa stated proudly. "A bank minted this penny as a promotional gimmick. Two Face tried to flip you on it and you managed to get free before it crushed you. The bank felt bad about it so they let you keep the world's largest penny."
"Well, I am multi-talented aren't I?" Quatre said puffing his chest out even further. "Tell me more of my great deeds."
Trowa rolled his eyes, "How about we go out and do some great deeds instead. Somewhere in Gotham the other three must be searching for us. We could use your Bat Computer to try and find them."
"Of course!" Quatre struck his best heroic pose, "That is exactly was I was about to suggest. To the Bat Computer Trowa."
"Yes Q-Man," Trowa smirked.
"Now lets see," Quatre said with a look of utter confusion, "How do I make this work?"
"In the show, Batman would babble the random facts aloud while punching seemingly random keys. The lights would flash as the computer 'thought'. Then the adding machine tape would be spit out and you would read the answer," Trowa explained, not quite sure how to make the antique work either.
"OK," He said and placed his left hand on the keypad, "Duo thinks he is the god of death and he has a long pony tail. Wufei is an egotistical woman hating martial artist, and Heero is just as insufferable but not the hero of this show. Where are they?"
He had typed purely random keys as he spoke with the computer, and now the two sat and watched in stunned silence as the lights began to flash on the big Light-Bright board they had for a monitor. Within a few moments the tape began to issue forth. Quatre only seemed to glance at it before he struck yet another heroic pose like he was looking off into the rising sun.
"Of course Trowa," He said pounding his fist into his hand like he was going to play ro sham bo, "they must be at the Faster Pussycat Disco Bar."
"Holly, Sleaze Pit Quatre," Trowa said copying his partner's motion with his hand, " that place is a cesspool of sin and depravity."
"True Trowa," Quatre nodded sagely, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
"What should we do?"
"We must go and make a dramatic entrance so as to impress them with our deductive prowess. To the Bat Mobile Trowa."
A Spinning Bat Symbol fills the screen to the inane little beat of - Nana Nana Nana Na. (As if you didn't see it coming from a mile away)
"Why do we have to use yourrr plan, what's wrong with my plan?" Wufei demanded
"Uh, I don't think hold them down and hit them until they surrender is much of a plan Fei," Duo said with a grin.
"It's perfect and it's simple," Fei demanded. "If we are stronger then we should get to . . ."
"We have company," Heero interrupted, pointing at the skylight.
Duo and Wufei both turned to look at what Heero was pointing at. On the roof top the Dynamic Duo were having an argument loud enough to be overheard below.
"I most certainly will not go first Quatre," Trowa snorted, "I'm only wearing his little Bikini Bottom pants and small shoes. That glass skylight will cut my legs to ribbons. You at least have a pair of tights on to offer you some protection."
"But Trowa, you know how easily I bruise . . . " Quatre wheedled.
"That is the Dynamic Duo?" Wufei asked incredulously.
"More like the ambiguously gay duo," Duo snorted.
"Have a seat," Heero offered, "This might take a while."
"Do you see, what Trowa is wearing?" Duo asked sitting.
"It would be more appropriate to say- do you see what he is not wearing," Heero offered sitting next to Duo.
"It makes me feel a whole lot better about myself," Fei said stretching out on a chair.
"Fine," Trowa threw up his hands in surrender, "You know I can't fight the kicked puppy eyes, but you are going to owe me big time."
"Thanks Trowa, you really are the best partner anyone could ask for."
The two grabbed the permanently anchored ropes that were mounted to the roof, and with Trowa leading the charge, they shattered the large glass skylight
The pair who had broke the skylight landed and took up their stance, back to back trying to assess their enemies. The trio of pilots merely applauded and let the duo take a bow. Quatre took the three in quickly and saw he had found Heero, Duo, and a raven haired Beauty that had the kind of curves road signs warn about. Not wanting to alert his partner to his newfound lust, he silently mouthed the words 'call me' to the raven hairdo beauty, before addressing the others.
"Hey Heero, hey Duo, where's Fei?"
"Why don't you ask Catwoman over there," Duo said with a smile, "I'm sure she has something to say on the subject."
"Yes," Heero said eying Trowa, "and we have something we need to discuss with Trowa."
Quatre nodded, "Sure I won't be but a few minutes.
Trowa looked at the two other pilots as they eyed him hungrily.
"Hey Guys," Trowa said nervously. "What's up?"
"We are," Heero said with a grin. "Hit it Duo."
Duo flipped the stereo up to an ear splitting leaves and the Strobe lights had company as little sound effect cards like RIP, and GASP, flashed over the screen.
Quatre approached Catwoman with a smile on his face, "I normally don't go for women, but something about you makes me want to . . . . "
Stay tuned Next Friday When Duo Says, "Slip in like this, it's faster."