Disclaimer: Gwing and Three's Company are not mine.
Again, any resemblance to the Wizard of Oz, Spaceballs, or any TV news
program is purely intentional.
Three's Company
". . . stuffing recipe out of you if it's the last thing I do," Trowa said playfully waving a wooden spoon at Wufei.
"The thought of you stuffing anything is somewhat alarming," Wufei said with a grimace.
"Would you rather have me give you the bird?" Trowa smirked
"Try it and you'll put me in a fowl mood."
A burst of vacuous laughter broke out in the doorway. Wufei turned to see Quatre holding a pink box in his - or rather her - hands. He was wearing a white tee shirt that was filled out nicely and light blue tennis shorts. His hair was parted down the middle and done up in two of the smallest pigtails the pair had ever seen.
"What's so funny?" Wufei asked, " I mean besides your hair."
Trowa nodded in agreement, "It looks like two little hair gnomes tried to pitch teepees on the top of your head."
"No way," Quatre said, his face screwing up with concentration. "There's no way Nome's in my hair, 'cause it's in Alaska. What do you take me for, some kind of Mormon?"
Wufei turned and shot Trowa a look, "Didn't I bake Alaska last night?"
"You sure did," he affirmed.
A look of horror slowly spread over Quatre's confused face, "Oh my gosh, I had totally forgot we ate that last night. I really do have Nome hair."
"There is really no place like Nome," Trowa said reverently.
"Dorothy did seem quite fond of it," Wufei added.
Quatre slowly set the box on the table and very slowly walked out of the room.
"Not the quickest little bunny on the course, is he?" Wufei smirked.
"Yep, he's defiantly one sandwich short of a picnic," Trowa nodded.
Trowa was wearing a long sleeved striped shirt that fit his feminine body snugly. His trademark bangs were framing his head in a sort of pageboy affair that framed his face nicely. Wufei paused, realizing that he should be somewhat disturbed by his friends change of gender, but then curiosity got the better of him as Trowa was opening the box that was left behind.
"What's in the box?"
"Little round . . cakes? Trowa offered.
Wufei peered in the box, "That's not cake you idiot, they're filled pastries."
"What are they filled with I wonder?"
"You could always poke a finger inside one and find out?" Wufei offered.
Trowa nodded and reached tentatively into the box. He carefully lifted one of the donuts from the box and prodded it gently. A thick red gelatin oozed out of the small hole on the side of the donut and onto his hand. Using his index finger he scooped some of it up for closer examination.
"The filling of these pastries appears to be," Trowa paused to take a tentative lick, "jam."
Wufei scowled and dipped his finger in the gooey mess. He sniffed it, eyed it warily, then proceeded to taste it.
"Raspberry," Wufei said angrily. "One man would dare give me a raspberry - Maxwell."
"My thoughts exactly," Trowa nodded seriously and set the donut back in the box.
"Hey," Wufei said indignantly, "You just can't just take that out, play with it for a minute and then put it away!"
"I don't like how it tastes," Trowa huffed, "and besides I'm certain it's way too many calories."
Wufei's face turned red, "Look Trowa, you fondled it and you licked it. Now pick it back up, put it in your mouth and finish it!"
"Sheesh," Trowa grumbled, "You sound just like Quatre when you talk like that."
The color slowly drained from Wufei's face, "Trowa, that way more information then I needed to hear."
"What do you mean by . . . ."
Suddenly the screen was filled with a flashing alert sign and a horrendous repetitive honking sound.
A stern faced female reporter looked up from her notes and directly into the camera.
"We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for this important News Update. I'm Megan Love with the breaking news on Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft and her apparent nervous breakdown. Let's go live to Mike Hunt for more details. Mike?"
"Well Megan, it seems Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft broke in to this apartment complex behind me, and has spent the last fifteen minutes running up and down the hallway's saying quote: 'Heero, come kill me'. Now this reporter has it on good authority that one Heero Yuy, a former Gundam Pilot and member of the Preventers, does reside in this complex. It is not known if said preventer has been making death threats to the Vice Foreign Minister or not, but one man left here saying quote: 'I thought they had put a restraining order on that Pink Menace after the last time.' I'm Mike Hunt, reporting live from outside Sunny Day Apartments."
"Scary news Mike," Megan said with a shallow nod of her head. "Do we have any details of what this 'Pink Menace' might be?"
"No Megan, speculation around the news van from some of our veteran camera crew is that it might be another faction of some terrorist organization like White Dog or Mariamaia."
"Thanks for the insight Mike," Megan shuffled her papers and turned to look at the camera once more. "We will keep you updated on this story as more news breaks. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
The alert sign flashed again with a few more horrific honking sounds and then the scene returned to the kitchen in the apartment.
" . . . fine," Wufei growled, "but toss the rest of it away."
"I don't know what you are so angry about," Trowa said tossing the emptied donut in the trashcan, "I finished it like you asked me to."
Wufei shuddered, "I meant eat the entire donut, not just suck the filling out of it. Man what I wouldn't give to have the last few minutes of my life back."
Wufei exited the kitchen and stepped into the living room where he was greeted by a most unusual sight. Quatre was standing in front of the apartment's wall mounted AC with it blaring full blast at his head.
"Quatre, do I even want to know what you are doing?" Wufei asked.
"It's a lot colder in Nome then it is here in Southern California," Quatre said through chattering teeth, "I was just trying to keep them comfortable."
"Ah," Wufei replied, "Well do us a favor and let them have a heat wave, this room is freezing."
"Well all right Fei," Quatre said in a hurt tone, "But if any of them die of heat stroke it will be on your head!"
"No, technically it will be on yours," Trowa retorted from the kitchen doorway.
Quatre broke into tears, "Oh I never should have let you bake Alaska, Fei."
Quatre dashed into his room and closed the door. Wufei turned to Trowa who was smirking.
"Do you think I should take pity on him and tell him we had Chicken Kiev last night not Baked Alaska?"
Trowa shook his head, "Na, Quatre's usually a bright enough boy, he'll figure it out on his own."
"You are actually enjoying this, aren't you?" Wufei asked with a faint note of surprise in his voice.
"You bet," Trowa nodded gleefully. "Do you know how hard it is living with a master tactician? He is always at least two steps ahead of me in almost every area."
"Really? What areas are you two steps ahead of him in?"
"Acrobatics and dodging thrown knives," Trowa said with a serious look, "But I'm trying to add lion taming to my repertoire also."
Wufei set a comforting hand on Trowa's shoulder, "That should be easy enough, the lions love you."
"That's what I thought, but the damned things just want to roll over and have me scratch their bellies when I enter the ring." Trowa sighed and flopped down on the sofa. "People want to see lion taming, not lion tickling."
"Wufei nodded, "Well I can see that being a problem . . . "
The screen is filled once again with the flashing alert sign and a horrendous repetitive honking sound.
"Megan Love again, with another Update on the Peacecraft Break down. We have managed to get an exclusive interview with her brother Millardo Peacecraft. I take you live to the Sanc Kingdom with correspondent Ben Dover. Ben?" Ben was standing in front of a hideous pink palace with Millardo Peacecraft and Lucrezia Noin.
"Thank you Megan, I'm Ben Dover and to my right is Millardo Peacecraft. Millardo, what can you tell us about this 'breakdown' that your sister is suffering?"
"For starters Ben, I would like to say that my sister - the current leader of the Sanc Kingdom - is not having a breakdown of any sort." Millardo said seriously. Noin coughed.
"Then how do you account for the eye witness reports that place your sister at Sunny Day apartments this evening?"
"I never said she wasn't at the apartment complex tonight," Millardo stated smoothly, "I merely stated that she was not having a break down. My sister is as sane as she ever was."
"As sane as a fruitcake," Noin muttered.
"Then how do you explain the reports that she was seen shouting quote: 'Heero come kill me' as she was running up and down the halls?"
"Obviously they didn't hear her right," Millardo said with haughty sniff. "She was shouting 'Zero, come kill me!" Ben frowned.
"Who's Zero?" Millardo twitched and Noin shot a look at the reporter.
"The Zero system of course." Millardo growled. Ben stepped back.
"What's the Zero system?" Noin waved her hands behind Zechs back, trying to tell the reporter to drop the line of questioning.
"Did they teach you nothing in school?" Millardo demanded, a crazed look in his eye. "Everyone knows the Zero system is the most dangerous battle system in the world."
"Uh, yeah," Ben said nervously, "that Zero System, I know all about it of course."
"Good," Millardo said calming down a little, "That's why the tenants of Sunny Day Apartments heard my sister shouting about it."
"And why would the Zero system be after your sister? I mean, it's just a system, right?"
"Just a system?" Millardo's hands twitched. "Just a system??" Noin reached out and put a tight grip on his arm.
"Um, I think we need to end the interview," she suggested quietly.
"But why was Miss Peacecraft at Sunny Day apartments calling out about her impending demise?" Ben asked, unaware of his own impending doom.
"Ah," Millardo said, his voice getting lower and more Zechs like.
Noin let go of his shoulder, muttering about what she was going to do to a certain idiot reporter if he continued to ignore her warnings. Ben took the hint.
"She was trying to warn Heero Yuy," Zechs said as if that was all the explanation anyone would ever need.
"Of course," Ben said, nodding dumbly, "that makes . . . perfect sense. What do you know about the Pink Menace?"
Zechs was back in full force, oozing charm, "They are a secret organization that sees the world through rose colored glasses, thus the title Pink Menace. All I can tell you for sure is that this group has been around since the war days when the Gundams first arrived. Everything else on the subject is classified."
"Thank you Millardo," Ben said turning back to the camera. "You've told us quite a chilling story tonight about a sinister computer program, and a mysterious agency that exists in the shadows. Megan, back to you."
"Thank you Ben." Megan said turning to the camera. "We will have more on the top story tonight as it unfolds. We return you now to your regularly scheduled program."
The alert sign flashed again with a few more horrific honking sounds and then the scene returned to the kitchen in the apartment.
"If you want it to rise, you have to kneed it gently," Wufei was gently rolling out his pizza crust.
"I still say having one delivered is better," Trowa huffed, "It's definitely faster."
The doorbell rang and Trowa jumped up.
"I'll get it, you just stay put and play with your ... dough," He said derisively.
Wufei merely snorted in reply and continued with dinner preparations.
"Who is it?" Trowa called as he reached the door.
"Omae o korosu," came the curt reply.
"Heero," Trowa said pulling the door open, "I was wondering when you'd arrive."
"Trowa," Heero nodded stepping inside, "do you realize that the rent is late?"
"Rent?"
"Don't mind him," Duo said bouncing in behind Heero, "He's stuck in landlord mode."
"Duo, nice to see you too," Trowa said closing the door behind the two new arrivals. "What did you mean by stuck in landlord mode?"
"Uh, I thought you knew this show," Duo smirked. "In this world, we are the Ropers. He is Mr. Roper, and I am his dutiful wife Mrs. Roper." He lowered his voice to a stage whisper, "although just between you and me, I think Mr. Roper - gasp - likes men."
"I heard that Duo!" Heero said as he headed towards the kitchen.
"See!" Duo said with mock hurt, "He's heading off to chat with the nice gay chef who shares this apartment with you two lovely ladies."
"What?" came the outraged cry of Wufei from the kitchen.
Wufei came storming out of the kitchen wiping his hands on his white apron.
"He isn't really gay," Duo said dropping his voice back down to a loud stage whisper once more, "He just pretends to be when we are around in order to stay in this apartment with you two girls. If he was straight, that would be living in sin, and we would boot him right out!"
Wufei glowered a bit at that and then turned and said to Heero in a strained tone: "Wow Heero, you are looking rather . . . hot today, have you been working out?"
Heero shot Wufei a look, "You keep your queer eyes off this straight guy, I've come for the rent!"
"To be honest, we have none to give you," Trowa said with a shrug.
At this point Quatre burst out of his room, a look of shock and horror on his face.
"I can't believe how callous you two are," he said in a tone that was as menacing as butter. "First you bake Alaska, and now you offering to give them Nome? Well they can't have it! Nome is on my head and if they want it, they will have to fight me for it!"
Quatre slammed the door then and there was the sound of heavy objects being moved against it.
"Did I miss something?" Heero asked.
"Quatre is definitely a few bricks short of a wall, " Duo said aloud.
"You're telling me," Trowa said with a smirk, "that door opens outward."
Heero shook his head and turned back to Wufei, "Now what is this I'm hearing about not having money for the rent?"
Wufei sighed, he had no choice, "Hey Mr. Roper, want me to show you what kind of magic a real man can do in the kitchen . . . "
The screen is filled once again with the flashing alert sign and a horrendous repetitive honking sound.
"Hi, I'm Megan Love here on the news room floor, here is the latest in the Peacecraft Story. We have just been informed that Vice Foreign Minister Peacecraft was seen being escorted into Preventers Headquarters just moments ago. Lets go live to Mike Hunt to get a closer look at what 's going on down there. Mike?"
"Well Megan it seems that there is an underground walkway leading from the Sunny Day Apartments to her sister complex Moonlitnight Apartments. According to a local resident it's quote: 'been there for years you damned idiot. Didn't you notice the large cavalcade of Preventers that parked across the street?' Back to you Megan."
"Thank you, Mike. We are now going to Ben Dover, and see if Millardo Peacecraft will give us anything. Ben?"
"Thank you Megan. Millardo is it true that you knew all along about this pathway between the two apartment complexes."
"Yes."
"And is it also true that it was you that called the Preventers and informed them of it so they could smuggle your sister out under cover?"
"Do you want the truth?" Millardo asked in his best Zechs tone.
Noin shook her head in the negative and gave her best imitation of a Hero Yuy Death glare. Ben ignored it.
"I think I'm entitled to it," Ben asked hesitantly "Yes I want the truth!"
Noin rolled her eyes and ducked for cover. This was out of her hands now.
"You can't handle the truth!" Zechs shouted rising to his feet, "I don't give a damn, what you think you're entitled to. We live in a world that has Zero System."
Ben looked confused again, "I don't see how that has any bearing on . . . "
"You want me on the Zero," Zechs cut him off, "You need me on the Zero!" Zechs raised his hands to the sky, "Tallgeese. . . "
Ben turned to the camera and leaned in close, "I'm scared," he sniffled.
"Don't go sniveling to your camera man Ben Dover, come here and take it like a man!" Zechs demanded placing a hand over the lens of the Camera.
The live feed cut off abruptly and then quickly switched back to Megan Love.
"Well, we seem to be having some problems with our live feed at the Sanc Kingdom. So now we go to Ben's wife, Eileen Dover who is sitting outside Preventers headquarters. Eileen?"
"Thank you Megan. Things are tense here as we wait for Commander Une, the chief of the Preventers to come out and make a statement. All we know at this time is that Relena has been escorted safely inside and has been allowed to speak with no one. Wait, I believe I see Commander Une stepping out onto the steps flanked by agent Sally Po. Lets see if we can get a statement."
"Vermin and Maggots of the Press," Commander Une snarled.
Sally placed a hand on Une's arm, "Be more graceful, Lady, be more graceful."
Une snorted but continued in a more civil tone.
"Relena Peacecraft is safe and well inside Head Quarters. She will be fit to return to her duties in the morning."
"Commander Une," shouted a reporter, "What about the roomers that she has been infected by the dreaded Zero System?"
Une shuddered and muttered something to Sally who blushed, then whispered something in Une's ear.
"I'm sorry," Une said in a strained - I'm going to kill Zechs - tone, "but I cannot go into any details about that. It is a matter of global security."
"What about the Pink Menace?" Eileen shouted.
Une opened her mouth but paused yet again when Sally whispered frantically in her ear. Her face reddened with anger has she listened to Sally. Finally she pushed the agent away and turned to Eileen.
"All I can say is that the Pink Menace is a society formed with one goal in mind, capture pilot 01 Heero Yuy. No one else is threatened by this sad group, and I believe that Agent Yuy is more then capable of taking care of himself."
"Where is Agent Yuy?" Another reporter piped up. "No one has been able to spot him or any other of his fellow pilots for interview."
Une chuckled, "those boys can simply disappear if they don't want to be found."
With a curt wave Une and Sally vanished back into headquarters. Eileen turned back to the cameraman and arched her back to give her viewing audience a look at her best feature.
"You heard it here first. Back to you Megan!"
"Thank you Eileen. This Is Megan Love, returning you now to your regularly scheduled program."
The alert sign flashed one last time; it's horrific honking sounds fading into a conversation in the apartment.
"I must admit, that was the best I've ever had, and I've had quite a few over the years," Heero said contentedly.
"It's all in how I toss it Heero," Wufei said, with a smile, "It's taken me years to perfect the proper wrist action."
"After something as satisfying as that," Heero said wistfully, "It almost makes me want to take up smoking cigarettes."
"C'mon you two," Duo said rolling his eyes, "It was only pizza! You guys are discussing it like two Buddhists that just found enlightenment!"
Speaking of enlightenment," Heero said standing, "which way to the head?"
"The bathroom is behind the second door on the left," Trowa offered.
As Heero drew near the bathroom, the poor to Quatre room flew open almost hitting him. Quatre came running out wearing a batting helmet and welding a bat. On his feet he wore a pair of red slippers.
"Get away," Quatre hissed, "I've got a bat and I'm not afraid to use it!"
"What are you doing now?" asked Wufei.
"I'm keeping Nome safe from the lot of you!" Quatre said, backing towards the front door.
"Oh," Duo said with a smirk, "If that's all you're doing, then just click your heels together three times and say, There's no place like Nome."
Quatre's face brightened, "Oh thank you Duo! There's no place like Nome, There's no place like Nome."
"Knowing how slow he is right now," Trowa scoffed "He'll probably be chanting that Mantra from now until his voice gives out."
Heero rolled his eyes and stepped into the bathroom. A few moments later Heero's anguished cry could be heard.
"Oh my god, where the hell is . . . ."
Stay Tuned next week when Trowa says, "Sometimes it's this stiff when I wake up."
Three's Company
". . . stuffing recipe out of you if it's the last thing I do," Trowa said playfully waving a wooden spoon at Wufei.
"The thought of you stuffing anything is somewhat alarming," Wufei said with a grimace.
"Would you rather have me give you the bird?" Trowa smirked
"Try it and you'll put me in a fowl mood."
A burst of vacuous laughter broke out in the doorway. Wufei turned to see Quatre holding a pink box in his - or rather her - hands. He was wearing a white tee shirt that was filled out nicely and light blue tennis shorts. His hair was parted down the middle and done up in two of the smallest pigtails the pair had ever seen.
"What's so funny?" Wufei asked, " I mean besides your hair."
Trowa nodded in agreement, "It looks like two little hair gnomes tried to pitch teepees on the top of your head."
"No way," Quatre said, his face screwing up with concentration. "There's no way Nome's in my hair, 'cause it's in Alaska. What do you take me for, some kind of Mormon?"
Wufei turned and shot Trowa a look, "Didn't I bake Alaska last night?"
"You sure did," he affirmed.
A look of horror slowly spread over Quatre's confused face, "Oh my gosh, I had totally forgot we ate that last night. I really do have Nome hair."
"There is really no place like Nome," Trowa said reverently.
"Dorothy did seem quite fond of it," Wufei added.
Quatre slowly set the box on the table and very slowly walked out of the room.
"Not the quickest little bunny on the course, is he?" Wufei smirked.
"Yep, he's defiantly one sandwich short of a picnic," Trowa nodded.
Trowa was wearing a long sleeved striped shirt that fit his feminine body snugly. His trademark bangs were framing his head in a sort of pageboy affair that framed his face nicely. Wufei paused, realizing that he should be somewhat disturbed by his friends change of gender, but then curiosity got the better of him as Trowa was opening the box that was left behind.
"What's in the box?"
"Little round . . cakes? Trowa offered.
Wufei peered in the box, "That's not cake you idiot, they're filled pastries."
"What are they filled with I wonder?"
"You could always poke a finger inside one and find out?" Wufei offered.
Trowa nodded and reached tentatively into the box. He carefully lifted one of the donuts from the box and prodded it gently. A thick red gelatin oozed out of the small hole on the side of the donut and onto his hand. Using his index finger he scooped some of it up for closer examination.
"The filling of these pastries appears to be," Trowa paused to take a tentative lick, "jam."
Wufei scowled and dipped his finger in the gooey mess. He sniffed it, eyed it warily, then proceeded to taste it.
"Raspberry," Wufei said angrily. "One man would dare give me a raspberry - Maxwell."
"My thoughts exactly," Trowa nodded seriously and set the donut back in the box.
"Hey," Wufei said indignantly, "You just can't just take that out, play with it for a minute and then put it away!"
"I don't like how it tastes," Trowa huffed, "and besides I'm certain it's way too many calories."
Wufei's face turned red, "Look Trowa, you fondled it and you licked it. Now pick it back up, put it in your mouth and finish it!"
"Sheesh," Trowa grumbled, "You sound just like Quatre when you talk like that."
The color slowly drained from Wufei's face, "Trowa, that way more information then I needed to hear."
"What do you mean by . . . ."
Suddenly the screen was filled with a flashing alert sign and a horrendous repetitive honking sound.
A stern faced female reporter looked up from her notes and directly into the camera.
"We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for this important News Update. I'm Megan Love with the breaking news on Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft and her apparent nervous breakdown. Let's go live to Mike Hunt for more details. Mike?"
"Well Megan, it seems Vice Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft broke in to this apartment complex behind me, and has spent the last fifteen minutes running up and down the hallway's saying quote: 'Heero, come kill me'. Now this reporter has it on good authority that one Heero Yuy, a former Gundam Pilot and member of the Preventers, does reside in this complex. It is not known if said preventer has been making death threats to the Vice Foreign Minister or not, but one man left here saying quote: 'I thought they had put a restraining order on that Pink Menace after the last time.' I'm Mike Hunt, reporting live from outside Sunny Day Apartments."
"Scary news Mike," Megan said with a shallow nod of her head. "Do we have any details of what this 'Pink Menace' might be?"
"No Megan, speculation around the news van from some of our veteran camera crew is that it might be another faction of some terrorist organization like White Dog or Mariamaia."
"Thanks for the insight Mike," Megan shuffled her papers and turned to look at the camera once more. "We will keep you updated on this story as more news breaks. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
The alert sign flashed again with a few more horrific honking sounds and then the scene returned to the kitchen in the apartment.
" . . . fine," Wufei growled, "but toss the rest of it away."
"I don't know what you are so angry about," Trowa said tossing the emptied donut in the trashcan, "I finished it like you asked me to."
Wufei shuddered, "I meant eat the entire donut, not just suck the filling out of it. Man what I wouldn't give to have the last few minutes of my life back."
Wufei exited the kitchen and stepped into the living room where he was greeted by a most unusual sight. Quatre was standing in front of the apartment's wall mounted AC with it blaring full blast at his head.
"Quatre, do I even want to know what you are doing?" Wufei asked.
"It's a lot colder in Nome then it is here in Southern California," Quatre said through chattering teeth, "I was just trying to keep them comfortable."
"Ah," Wufei replied, "Well do us a favor and let them have a heat wave, this room is freezing."
"Well all right Fei," Quatre said in a hurt tone, "But if any of them die of heat stroke it will be on your head!"
"No, technically it will be on yours," Trowa retorted from the kitchen doorway.
Quatre broke into tears, "Oh I never should have let you bake Alaska, Fei."
Quatre dashed into his room and closed the door. Wufei turned to Trowa who was smirking.
"Do you think I should take pity on him and tell him we had Chicken Kiev last night not Baked Alaska?"
Trowa shook his head, "Na, Quatre's usually a bright enough boy, he'll figure it out on his own."
"You are actually enjoying this, aren't you?" Wufei asked with a faint note of surprise in his voice.
"You bet," Trowa nodded gleefully. "Do you know how hard it is living with a master tactician? He is always at least two steps ahead of me in almost every area."
"Really? What areas are you two steps ahead of him in?"
"Acrobatics and dodging thrown knives," Trowa said with a serious look, "But I'm trying to add lion taming to my repertoire also."
Wufei set a comforting hand on Trowa's shoulder, "That should be easy enough, the lions love you."
"That's what I thought, but the damned things just want to roll over and have me scratch their bellies when I enter the ring." Trowa sighed and flopped down on the sofa. "People want to see lion taming, not lion tickling."
"Wufei nodded, "Well I can see that being a problem . . . "
The screen is filled once again with the flashing alert sign and a horrendous repetitive honking sound.
"Megan Love again, with another Update on the Peacecraft Break down. We have managed to get an exclusive interview with her brother Millardo Peacecraft. I take you live to the Sanc Kingdom with correspondent Ben Dover. Ben?" Ben was standing in front of a hideous pink palace with Millardo Peacecraft and Lucrezia Noin.
"Thank you Megan, I'm Ben Dover and to my right is Millardo Peacecraft. Millardo, what can you tell us about this 'breakdown' that your sister is suffering?"
"For starters Ben, I would like to say that my sister - the current leader of the Sanc Kingdom - is not having a breakdown of any sort." Millardo said seriously. Noin coughed.
"Then how do you account for the eye witness reports that place your sister at Sunny Day apartments this evening?"
"I never said she wasn't at the apartment complex tonight," Millardo stated smoothly, "I merely stated that she was not having a break down. My sister is as sane as she ever was."
"As sane as a fruitcake," Noin muttered.
"Then how do you explain the reports that she was seen shouting quote: 'Heero come kill me' as she was running up and down the halls?"
"Obviously they didn't hear her right," Millardo said with haughty sniff. "She was shouting 'Zero, come kill me!" Ben frowned.
"Who's Zero?" Millardo twitched and Noin shot a look at the reporter.
"The Zero system of course." Millardo growled. Ben stepped back.
"What's the Zero system?" Noin waved her hands behind Zechs back, trying to tell the reporter to drop the line of questioning.
"Did they teach you nothing in school?" Millardo demanded, a crazed look in his eye. "Everyone knows the Zero system is the most dangerous battle system in the world."
"Uh, yeah," Ben said nervously, "that Zero System, I know all about it of course."
"Good," Millardo said calming down a little, "That's why the tenants of Sunny Day Apartments heard my sister shouting about it."
"And why would the Zero system be after your sister? I mean, it's just a system, right?"
"Just a system?" Millardo's hands twitched. "Just a system??" Noin reached out and put a tight grip on his arm.
"Um, I think we need to end the interview," she suggested quietly.
"But why was Miss Peacecraft at Sunny Day apartments calling out about her impending demise?" Ben asked, unaware of his own impending doom.
"Ah," Millardo said, his voice getting lower and more Zechs like.
Noin let go of his shoulder, muttering about what she was going to do to a certain idiot reporter if he continued to ignore her warnings. Ben took the hint.
"She was trying to warn Heero Yuy," Zechs said as if that was all the explanation anyone would ever need.
"Of course," Ben said, nodding dumbly, "that makes . . . perfect sense. What do you know about the Pink Menace?"
Zechs was back in full force, oozing charm, "They are a secret organization that sees the world through rose colored glasses, thus the title Pink Menace. All I can tell you for sure is that this group has been around since the war days when the Gundams first arrived. Everything else on the subject is classified."
"Thank you Millardo," Ben said turning back to the camera. "You've told us quite a chilling story tonight about a sinister computer program, and a mysterious agency that exists in the shadows. Megan, back to you."
"Thank you Ben." Megan said turning to the camera. "We will have more on the top story tonight as it unfolds. We return you now to your regularly scheduled program."
The alert sign flashed again with a few more horrific honking sounds and then the scene returned to the kitchen in the apartment.
"If you want it to rise, you have to kneed it gently," Wufei was gently rolling out his pizza crust.
"I still say having one delivered is better," Trowa huffed, "It's definitely faster."
The doorbell rang and Trowa jumped up.
"I'll get it, you just stay put and play with your ... dough," He said derisively.
Wufei merely snorted in reply and continued with dinner preparations.
"Who is it?" Trowa called as he reached the door.
"Omae o korosu," came the curt reply.
"Heero," Trowa said pulling the door open, "I was wondering when you'd arrive."
"Trowa," Heero nodded stepping inside, "do you realize that the rent is late?"
"Rent?"
"Don't mind him," Duo said bouncing in behind Heero, "He's stuck in landlord mode."
"Duo, nice to see you too," Trowa said closing the door behind the two new arrivals. "What did you mean by stuck in landlord mode?"
"Uh, I thought you knew this show," Duo smirked. "In this world, we are the Ropers. He is Mr. Roper, and I am his dutiful wife Mrs. Roper." He lowered his voice to a stage whisper, "although just between you and me, I think Mr. Roper - gasp - likes men."
"I heard that Duo!" Heero said as he headed towards the kitchen.
"See!" Duo said with mock hurt, "He's heading off to chat with the nice gay chef who shares this apartment with you two lovely ladies."
"What?" came the outraged cry of Wufei from the kitchen.
Wufei came storming out of the kitchen wiping his hands on his white apron.
"He isn't really gay," Duo said dropping his voice back down to a loud stage whisper once more, "He just pretends to be when we are around in order to stay in this apartment with you two girls. If he was straight, that would be living in sin, and we would boot him right out!"
Wufei glowered a bit at that and then turned and said to Heero in a strained tone: "Wow Heero, you are looking rather . . . hot today, have you been working out?"
Heero shot Wufei a look, "You keep your queer eyes off this straight guy, I've come for the rent!"
"To be honest, we have none to give you," Trowa said with a shrug.
At this point Quatre burst out of his room, a look of shock and horror on his face.
"I can't believe how callous you two are," he said in a tone that was as menacing as butter. "First you bake Alaska, and now you offering to give them Nome? Well they can't have it! Nome is on my head and if they want it, they will have to fight me for it!"
Quatre slammed the door then and there was the sound of heavy objects being moved against it.
"Did I miss something?" Heero asked.
"Quatre is definitely a few bricks short of a wall, " Duo said aloud.
"You're telling me," Trowa said with a smirk, "that door opens outward."
Heero shook his head and turned back to Wufei, "Now what is this I'm hearing about not having money for the rent?"
Wufei sighed, he had no choice, "Hey Mr. Roper, want me to show you what kind of magic a real man can do in the kitchen . . . "
The screen is filled once again with the flashing alert sign and a horrendous repetitive honking sound.
"Hi, I'm Megan Love here on the news room floor, here is the latest in the Peacecraft Story. We have just been informed that Vice Foreign Minister Peacecraft was seen being escorted into Preventers Headquarters just moments ago. Lets go live to Mike Hunt to get a closer look at what 's going on down there. Mike?"
"Well Megan it seems that there is an underground walkway leading from the Sunny Day Apartments to her sister complex Moonlitnight Apartments. According to a local resident it's quote: 'been there for years you damned idiot. Didn't you notice the large cavalcade of Preventers that parked across the street?' Back to you Megan."
"Thank you, Mike. We are now going to Ben Dover, and see if Millardo Peacecraft will give us anything. Ben?"
"Thank you Megan. Millardo is it true that you knew all along about this pathway between the two apartment complexes."
"Yes."
"And is it also true that it was you that called the Preventers and informed them of it so they could smuggle your sister out under cover?"
"Do you want the truth?" Millardo asked in his best Zechs tone.
Noin shook her head in the negative and gave her best imitation of a Hero Yuy Death glare. Ben ignored it.
"I think I'm entitled to it," Ben asked hesitantly "Yes I want the truth!"
Noin rolled her eyes and ducked for cover. This was out of her hands now.
"You can't handle the truth!" Zechs shouted rising to his feet, "I don't give a damn, what you think you're entitled to. We live in a world that has Zero System."
Ben looked confused again, "I don't see how that has any bearing on . . . "
"You want me on the Zero," Zechs cut him off, "You need me on the Zero!" Zechs raised his hands to the sky, "Tallgeese. . . "
Ben turned to the camera and leaned in close, "I'm scared," he sniffled.
"Don't go sniveling to your camera man Ben Dover, come here and take it like a man!" Zechs demanded placing a hand over the lens of the Camera.
The live feed cut off abruptly and then quickly switched back to Megan Love.
"Well, we seem to be having some problems with our live feed at the Sanc Kingdom. So now we go to Ben's wife, Eileen Dover who is sitting outside Preventers headquarters. Eileen?"
"Thank you Megan. Things are tense here as we wait for Commander Une, the chief of the Preventers to come out and make a statement. All we know at this time is that Relena has been escorted safely inside and has been allowed to speak with no one. Wait, I believe I see Commander Une stepping out onto the steps flanked by agent Sally Po. Lets see if we can get a statement."
"Vermin and Maggots of the Press," Commander Une snarled.
Sally placed a hand on Une's arm, "Be more graceful, Lady, be more graceful."
Une snorted but continued in a more civil tone.
"Relena Peacecraft is safe and well inside Head Quarters. She will be fit to return to her duties in the morning."
"Commander Une," shouted a reporter, "What about the roomers that she has been infected by the dreaded Zero System?"
Une shuddered and muttered something to Sally who blushed, then whispered something in Une's ear.
"I'm sorry," Une said in a strained - I'm going to kill Zechs - tone, "but I cannot go into any details about that. It is a matter of global security."
"What about the Pink Menace?" Eileen shouted.
Une opened her mouth but paused yet again when Sally whispered frantically in her ear. Her face reddened with anger has she listened to Sally. Finally she pushed the agent away and turned to Eileen.
"All I can say is that the Pink Menace is a society formed with one goal in mind, capture pilot 01 Heero Yuy. No one else is threatened by this sad group, and I believe that Agent Yuy is more then capable of taking care of himself."
"Where is Agent Yuy?" Another reporter piped up. "No one has been able to spot him or any other of his fellow pilots for interview."
Une chuckled, "those boys can simply disappear if they don't want to be found."
With a curt wave Une and Sally vanished back into headquarters. Eileen turned back to the cameraman and arched her back to give her viewing audience a look at her best feature.
"You heard it here first. Back to you Megan!"
"Thank you Eileen. This Is Megan Love, returning you now to your regularly scheduled program."
The alert sign flashed one last time; it's horrific honking sounds fading into a conversation in the apartment.
"I must admit, that was the best I've ever had, and I've had quite a few over the years," Heero said contentedly.
"It's all in how I toss it Heero," Wufei said, with a smile, "It's taken me years to perfect the proper wrist action."
"After something as satisfying as that," Heero said wistfully, "It almost makes me want to take up smoking cigarettes."
"C'mon you two," Duo said rolling his eyes, "It was only pizza! You guys are discussing it like two Buddhists that just found enlightenment!"
Speaking of enlightenment," Heero said standing, "which way to the head?"
"The bathroom is behind the second door on the left," Trowa offered.
As Heero drew near the bathroom, the poor to Quatre room flew open almost hitting him. Quatre came running out wearing a batting helmet and welding a bat. On his feet he wore a pair of red slippers.
"Get away," Quatre hissed, "I've got a bat and I'm not afraid to use it!"
"What are you doing now?" asked Wufei.
"I'm keeping Nome safe from the lot of you!" Quatre said, backing towards the front door.
"Oh," Duo said with a smirk, "If that's all you're doing, then just click your heels together three times and say, There's no place like Nome."
Quatre's face brightened, "Oh thank you Duo! There's no place like Nome, There's no place like Nome."
"Knowing how slow he is right now," Trowa scoffed "He'll probably be chanting that Mantra from now until his voice gives out."
Heero rolled his eyes and stepped into the bathroom. A few moments later Heero's anguished cry could be heard.
"Oh my god, where the hell is . . . ."
Stay Tuned next week when Trowa says, "Sometimes it's this stiff when I wake up."