Caso ~I hope this satisfies your Jl hunger heh (it didn't satisfy mine anyway), but the next chapter will be pure fluff just for you
Mooncancer ~ thanks so much, I hope you like this chappie
Andufeniel ~ is this soon enough for you? Loved your review, and tried my best to update fast but I had my bloody mid-year exams which I probably failed anyway but oh well
Lilycharmer359 ~ one shot is a one chapter fic babe. Don't worry, I didn't know until after I wrote my first one heh. I hope you like, and thanks for the complement xxx
LuthienGranger2004 ~ thanks, enjoy the chappie
RoxyPrincess ~ you know, you're kinda scary I swear; but I love ya anyway.. I love all my reviewers. Your review was very passionate and it inspired the continuation of my story. Thanks xxx
Zigzag ~ don't worry, all will happen in due time
Dutch Lily Flower ~ thank you very much, enjoy this chappie
Mythology ~ thanks, I hope you enjoy the rest
Elvencherry07 ~ I'm glad you can identify with Lily and I hope that as it goes on it becomes less confusing and rest assured there is a lot more coming
Lost Hope
Chapter two: Shut up, just shut up!
A few moments later she began to wonder whether or not she should leave him alone. She made her way to the door in a slow pace, and as she reached it she heard James' whispered voice
"You", as she turned to face him a cold wisp of cold air hung near his reddened lips
_+_+_
"Come again" she said slowly, taking a step closer
"Nothing" he replied hastily as if just realizing he had said it out loud, he stiffened immediately. Lily was beginning to lose her patience
"James you need to trust me. That is why you told me to come isn't it? To talk? Or did you tell me to come so you can just jump off the Tower in front of my eyes? Huh? Come on James?" she begged, raising her voice towards him
"Does it matter Lily?" he asked in a deadly whisper that sent shivers down her spine, "Coz as far as I seen up to today YOU DON'T CARE! So why the hell are you lecturing me now Evans? Go back to bed and leave-me-alone!" he called, raising his voice above hers, shouting.
He looked at her. She looked horrified at his reaction, but he didn't care. He hated the way she would use her muggle psychological tricks on him. She knew the answer well, so why was she doing this to him? Why did she want him to go through all the pain again? When he saw her open her mouth to reply he began ranting again
"And don't begin with your stupid psychological shit that you manage with everyone else-"
"But James-" Lily began
"Because it doesn't work with me-" he continues as though there was no interruption
"Listen to-" she started once more
"It might have worked once but it doesn't anymore! You wanna know why Evans?" he asked her and without waiting for an answer he continued, "Because I don't fuckin' care! I stopped caring a long time ago!"
Lily was beginning to snap. He was being a prat. But he looked so lost and vulnerable, and at that moment she was the only one that could help him. But she knew he was too proud to accept her help, so she needed another way to get to him
"Then why the bloody hell did you ask me to come James?" she yelled back. He was momentarily taken aback by her outburst and looked at her in awe. But he soon recovered, all feelings of distress, loss and pride shot back
"Because you fuckin' hate me due to the insane reason of me being a pompous prat. But I'm not anymore Lily. I've changed and you bloody well know it but you still refuse to give me a bloody-fucking-chance!" he bellowed back. Lily to say the least was surprised. She felt a pang of guilt in her heart as she realized the sincerity and pain in his eyes were real and deep. She kept her eyes on his as he continued ranting. She knew he needed to let go everything, but his next words startled her
"I love you Lily! I'm in love with you! Honestly, Absolutely, and Truly in love with you. No matter what you say, no matter what you do I will still love you okey? I'm sorry if you don't like it or if you don't feel the same but that's just the way I feel and it's not going to change just like that" he sighed deeply, gathering his breath, and before Lily had time to respond he exploded once more.
"I wasn't gonna bloody tell anyone what I was planning to fucking do but I felt this goddamn need to tell you. I don't fuckin' know why, I just know I fuckin' did!" he was panting rapidly now and guilt passed through his eyes. "Lily please just go. Go and leave me alone. Please!" he begged her sorrowfully.
As the words left his mouth he regretted them. He didn't want Lily to leave, especially now. He was scared of being alone. Of what he would do to himself but he couldn't take back what he said. It was her choice.
He turned his back to her and stepped even closer to the ledge, waiting to hear the footsteps of his retreating love. The steps of someone that would leave him alone like so many others before her. He waited for the closing of another door in his life. Another barrier forming between him and the ones he loved. He braced himself for the enlargement of the black hole inside him that seemed to grow steadily with each passing second
It never came
What did come, was a simple word that would stay with him for all his remaining days
"No"
"What?!" he asked bewildered, his entire body alert and now facing her
"I said no" she repeated firmly and in a tone that was a bit louder than a whisper, " Just because you're depressed and melancholic about your life does not give you the right to boss me around. I'm here on my free will and I'm leaving the same way." She seemed very determined and he knew it; he was in for it now. Yet he felt a wave of relief sweep over him
Oh how he loved that girl
"Now.. tell me" her voice brought him back to the present "why were you.. you.. you " her voice broke off, mostly because she couldn't bring herself to mutter the words but also due to the crestfallen expression on James' face.
James seemed to understand what she was talking about and his expression softened and he looked at her shyly
"Why I was trying to kill myself?" he whispered in a sad tone as a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, sending shivers down her spine. She wondered how he could say such a thing with so much ease
He saw her flinch at his words and he chuckled involuntarily yet full of melancholy
"Oh, come on, Evans. You seriously think that this is the first time I try to take my own life? Why do you think I have these bloody scars on my wrists? For decoration?" he surveyed her closely taking a step in her direction
"Why are you here Lily?" he asked silently after a few seconds. Lily glanced around uncomfortably.
"I didn't actually know until I came" she whispered finally, her hands rubbing against each other in embarrassment. James raised an eyebrow suspiciously and thinking that Lily was cold, he reached out and took her hands in his and began rubbing them gently
Lily felt a jolt of electricity pass through her as she felt James' hands come in contact with hers. They felt so warm and so perfect together. She allowed her eyes to close for a few seconds in pleasure before her thoughts were interrupted by James' voice
"How so?" his voice came out slowly as if he was trying to control himself
"Well.. I came.. because you.. you asked me to" she began, trying to tame the shivers that were passing through her with every caress, James' fingers seemed to generate
"Since when do you do anything I ask you to?" he interjected, never stopping the soothing motions of his hands
"Since the time I wanted to ask you about it" she lied quickly. "Can I continue?" she snapped snatching her hand from his. Instantly she felt the difference. Her hand went cold and the bliss she was in only seconds before were now replaced with emptiness. She wanted him to hold her hand again.
Hell she wanted him to do more than hold her hand
"I-I-I wanted to hear what you had to say but I-" she broke off in sudden realization of her feelings. She felt empty away from his touch. Bliss when he caressed her skin. Worry for his life. Trust in his words. Yearning for his body to next to hers. Love for his state of mind?
But how?
Why?
Then it hit her like a bludger to the head. She always had these feelings for him
She always dreamed about him being so closed to her, in every way
She always trusted what he said
She was always worried about him. At quidditch matches when he was flying between all those bludgers, from one side to the other. When he was in a fight or in the hospital wing. Even these days she felt a tang of worry for him every time she looked at him
She had always loved him; in any state of mind
Oh shit!
Not good!
"But you?" his voice seemed to float in her mind. She raised her eyes to meet his. They were so full of grief and.. hope? She looked away. He really had changed
"But I-I saw you there" she pointed at the ledge "then you began shouting and.. I-I'm sorry" she trailed off, diverting her gaze so her eyes fixed upon his, once more. And so they stood transfixed within one another
After what seemed to be an eternity, James leaned towards her and brushed his lips on hers. He pressed his lips a bit harder so they could melt against hers, and brought his hand to her cheek. This felt so good. Lily could feel all the emotions James was, his pain, his sorrow, his hope, his loss but most of all she could feel the love he had for her
James pulled back and re-opened his eyes only to look at Lily who still had her eyes shut. She seemed to be going through the same thing that he was, only he was lucky enough to snap out of it much faster. She looked so beautiful in the moonlight. She looked beautiful in any light really. In the kiss he had felt all the things he would only dream about. He felt Lily's hope and worry for him, her pain for him and perhaps some love?
He watched her as her eyes fluttered open, his hand still stroking her soft cheek, she looked up to him and he smiled down to her. A real smile. Lily couldn't help but smile back. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen James smile like that.
But this was not relevant. He had just kissed her
And she had liked it. Again
"Why the hell did you do that for?" she asked rather harshly as she tried to steady the beatings of her heart
"Lay off it Evans. We both know you wanted it" his smile fading a bit as he kept looking at her
"Oh? And how do you know Potter?" how the hell did he know?
"Ouch Evans, that hurt" he dropped his hand from her cheek, making her long for his touch once more, and brought it to his heart in a way to show mockery but Lily saw a flicker of real pain pass through his chocolate eyes. He looked at her and she found herself licking her lips slowly.
"And as for how I know you wanted it; you kissed me first, Flower, and don't you deny it." Lily felt herself go red
"Oh shut up" she scowled, crossing her arms in front of her chest as if a shield
"Oh no, not now" he whispered back some sort evilly. "It was also in your eyes" he added smoothly and regained the same posture as her; crossing his arms in front of his chest.
She was stunned
"In my eyes?" she asked with a disbelieving tone, but her eyes betrayed her.
"Oh yes, dear Lily Flower. Your eyes. The doorway to your soul. I could see the passion" he began, smiling his innocent smile that was in complete contrast to his eyes that were silently provoking her
"Really?" she answered coolly, heat rising inside her once more
"Oh yes, and Desire" he stepped closer, making her take a step back. He was as intrigued by her action as much as she was panicked
"Stop it James" or I don't know what I'll do, she completed in her head
She wanted to kiss him again but she needed time
Why?
She saw him take another step closer towards her so she went another step back
"Longing" he went on
He was encouraged by the fact that she had called him James and not Potter
He went closer, his eyes never leaving hers as she stepped away
"Concern" he continued, taking another step closer and was glad to see that she couldn't go further away due to a wall
He stopped looking at her, lost in her beauty for long moments
He took another step closer, his eyes locked within her trembling gaze
"Lust" he whispered huskily.
He was right in front of her now. He could feel her trembling against him. His breathing becoming heavier by the second while she sucked in deep breaths, trying to regain composure of her heartbeat, her breathing, her raging mind, her hormones but most of all she wanted to regain composure over this strange feeling that was possessing her
She wanted him so badly and he knew it. What she couldn't understand was what was going on now? He still looked so lost, in search for some hope
It just enraged her the way he did it!
"Shut up Potter!" she breathed loudly
"Make me Evans" he whispered against her lips
That's all he managed to say as Lily's lips met his for the third time that night
A/N Soooooooooooooo? Waddya think? Good? Bad? Better? Worse? Shall I continue? Or do you want me to leave it like that? (that would be a pity as I have quite a lot of fluff prepared for the next chappie. Nothing major though so don't get your hopes up) review your opinion or even e-mail me if you want Bye hope you enjoyed