Chapter 9

Sara couldn't help it, whether it was stress or just the situation, but she burst out laughing. Sliding off the unit, she rubbed her eyes from the tiredness. "As much as I'm enjoying our chat, I'm going to pack."

Grissom grabbed her hand, stopping her retreat. His body was close enough to feel, though he wasn't touching her. His fingers wrapped around hers to pull it to his chest and hold it there as his eyes looked down at her face that was no doubt watching their hands.

"The letter-" He started.

"Was a mistake in judgement." She interrupted. "I was upset and exhausted." She tried to lie, but he saw straight through it. She could tell when she felt his fingers tighten around hers.

"That letter…" He paused as his free hand pulled out the letter in question. "This letter." He stressed. "Brought out feelings I only have when I'm around you. This letter," He insisted, tilting his head to see her downcast eyes. "Was what made me see what I was doing was so wrong I'll never forgive myself."

"It's your life." She said quietly, avoiding eye contact.

"No, it's our life. Don't you see that Sara?" He huffed loudly. "No matter what I do, you are always there. Day in day out. I can't escape you."

"I'm sorry." Sara whispered brokenly. She didn't know her being around him did that.

"No." He moaned tiredly. "Sara, please. I'm trying to talk to you, but it's all coming out wrong."

Slipping her hand out from his grip, she moved around him, only to have him turn with her.

"What happened a few weeks back is ripping me apart!" He cried out, trying to get her to hear him.

Stopping halfway across the kitchen, she groaned loudly and raised her hands angrily before dropping them to her sides and turning to him. "My God Grissom! Listen to yourself!" She shouted, begging him to just leave things alone now he had things the way they should have been, without her.

"I'm listening!" He snapped. "Are you?!" He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the stress building. "There's so much you don't know."

"I don't need to know about your love life." She preached. "I can't believe that you're here at all. There's nothing to say, no matter what I say or feel, you'll go on with your life, back in Vegas." She shrugged sadly. "Let me move on without a fight, please. It's what has to be done. Go back home to your girlfriend and forgot this ever happened."

"She's not my girlfriend." He corrected.

"Whatever." Sara breathed.

Taking a deep breath, he decided it was time to fill in the blanks and fix this right now before anything else went wrong. "She's my wife." Cringing and panicking at the stunned expression on Sara's face, he hurriedly continued. "My ex-wife."

Not believing her ears, Sara blinked in quick succession, then dropped her eyes to her feet. "Oh."

"Ex-wife Sara." He repeated, watching her shoulders rise and fall with each breath she took. "It was a long time ago. Long before I met you." He explained, hoping he could tell her without her leaving. "We were young and naïve, still in college… it was a love at first sight thing."

Sara turned her head slightly. "Do you think telling me this is going to change things?" She asked, causing him to stop. "Things have already changed, so many times."

"Then let it change again." He said softly, walking towards her. "I can't think of the words I want to say to you." He sighed and shook his head. "And there is so much to be said Sara."

Thinking about the time she first discovered him with another woman, she couldn't help feel that it all made sense now. It was starting to make sense. The years of avoidance and pain, all for another woman. She still couldn't believe she was sucked in by his mixed signals. She should have left a long time ago and saved herself the pain she was feeling now.

She startled with his touch and spun around to push on his chest. "Go Home."

Shocked by her reaction, he quickly clasped her hand in his and pulled her towards him. "I won't let you push us away Sara."

Trying to pull her hand from his, she snapped angrily at him, staring straight into his eyes. "You made it clear there was no us Grissom."

"And I'm Sorry!" He stressed, wrapping his other hand over both hers. "Stop running away."

"I'm not. That's your MO." She said facetiously.

Grissom's eyes bore into hers with hurt and pain. He slowly let her hands slip from his and step away form him.

Sue looked up from her nails when the kitchen door swung open and Sara ran out. "Sara?" She called, but her daughter ran up the stairs without stopping.

Andrew appeared by his wife's side. "What happened?" He asked, not being in the hall meant he didn't hear the outbursts from the kitchen only moments ago.

"Sara!" Grissom shouted as he left the kitchen. He briefly turned to the Sidles. "I'm sorry." He charged up the stairs.

"I think I know the reason behind why Sara's here and why she doesn't want to go back." Sue smiled at her husband. "She's in love."

Andrew raised a sceptical eyebrow and nodded towards the stairs. "That doesn't look like love to me."

"Ah, but it is." Sue said cryptically and took her husbands hand to drag him back to the living area.

Sara managed to reach the top floor and her bedroom door before Grissom reached the top of the stairs. She slammed her door and it bounced open unnoticed as she grabbed her bags and started stuffing what wasn't packed into them.

"Where will you go?" Grissom's breathless question went unheard as she continued to pack.

After a moment, he approached her and took her arms from behind to stop her jerky movements. "Listen, just for a minute so I can tell you something." He pleaded into her ear with such desperation it made her cry.

"I can't listen to your words anymore Griss." She said shakily.

"Then listen to my actions." Turning her quickly and before she could stop him, he planted his mouth over hers in a very chaste kiss.

She stared into his eyes with shocked ones of her own. And before she could protest, she felt his lips move against hers and all she could do was close her eyes and surrender to him.

Breaking the slow kiss, she gently pulled away from him shaking her head. "No, you can't do this."

"Sara." He pleaded, moving to take her into his arms again and kiss her.

For only a moment did she let herself crumble, but soon she gathered her thought processes and stepped back, holding out her hand against his chest to stop him. "You slept with her." She whispered brokenly.

He took her hand and raised it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on her palm. "It'll never happen again. I can promise you."

"You still slept with her." She looked at him. "I couldn't even date another guy without feeling guilty." She told him honestly, tears falling. "What makes you so sure you won't do it again?" She asked.

Lacing their fingers together, he stepped closer. "I can give you something I could never give her or any other woman." He promised.

Sara sighed sadly. "There's nothing you can give me."

"Yes there is, but I can only give it if you accept and return it."

His eyes held something Sara had never seen before. "What?" She breathed.

"Love." He whispered softly, blinking slowly over blue eyes.

"You said-" She tried.

"I was young Sara." He interrupted, knowing she was going to bring up his first love comment. "I'm sure you had one of those."

She shook her head.

"No?" He asked questioningly.

She shook her head again and squeezed his hand. "You were my first love." She watched his eyes as they darkened in disappointment. "Are." She whispered. "You still are my first love."

TBC