AN: See review.
Chapter 10
"He thinks I'm his father." He said staring into space.
Cordelia looked to Angel, suddenly the effect of the happy moment had disappeared and she was confused as to the new emotion. Suddenly it hit her, maybe Angel didn't want to be a father figure to Josh, maybe he just wanted to help her out but found himself in too deep.
"Angel?"
In all honesty part of him wanted Josh to love him like a father, a huge part of him, but the other part told him that Cordelia was only relying on him as a friend to help take care of Josh. Her voice brought him back to reality, through the haze of the current situation and back on solid ground.
"Yeah." He said pulling his gaze away from that distant place.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just you seemed a little distant."
"I was just thinking about stuff you know, but it doesn't matter." He said covering his tracks.
Cordelia was not convinced, yet she let it slide. She would talk to him about it when he got back.
"Well I'd better get ready, Buffy will be wondering where I am."
"Okay, I'll see you later?" she asked, making sure they were still on for tonight.
"Sure." And with that, he passed Josh back to her and disappeared into the night.
******************************
Patrol had been quieter than usual. Buffy had become accustomed to Angel's lacking conversation, but tonight it seemed as if he had the whole world on his shoulders, unable to take his silence any longer, she spoke up.
"Listen, I know things have been strained between us for awhile, and I guess I just want to clear some things up." She paused making sure he was listening.
"You said you needed to know why you're here and that you need to understand that for yourself first." She paused. "I saw you, the night after the attack."
Angel recalled the evening, it then dawned on him where he was and whom he was with. But he didn't have anything to hide, Cordelia had become his best friend, she and Josh were the closest thing he had to a family and Buffy could say what she wanted, nothing was going to change that.
"You were at Cordelia's house." She said reaffirming his thoughts.
"So it was you in the garden that night." He replied, not hiding the fact that he had been there.
"I was checking in on Cordelia, after what happened in school, we thought there might be some connection between your strange behaviour and Cordelia's."
"Strange behaviour?" he questioned, then. "What happened at school?"
"Well Cordelia was acting, kinda nice and well, you said that you could relate to her..." she trailed off.
"So just because Cordelia was acting like her real self, you decided to spy on her?" he said unable to believe what he was hearing.
"What do you mean 'her real self'? I've known Cordelia awhile, and there's nothing there beneath that bitchy exterior, under the surface there's just more surface."
"You don't know a single thing about Cordelia, so before you start passing judgement, try getting your facts straight!" he all but yelled.
Buffy was surprised by his outburst, trying to understand how the conversation had turned from him to Cordelia.
Angel had started to pace, he had promised Cordelia that he wouldn't let on about what happened to her family, but he needed some way to get the idea across to Buffy that Cordelia wasn't who they thought she was. He sighed.
Buffy had planned to handle the situation far better than it had actually turned out, not wanting to argue with Angel, but not giving up she interrupted his pacing.
"I'm sorry." She said. "I guess I don't know as much about Cordelia as I thought, but what makes you the expert?" she questioned.
"Because...because she's my best friend." He said staring at her.
"She's your what?" Buffy said unable to hide the surprise in her voice, she couldn't have imagined a funnier idea. Angel and Cordelia, best friends.
"I said, she's my best friend. Listen I know you and Cordelia have never gotten along," Buffy snorted, understatement of the century. "But I've gotten to know Cordelia, fate threw us together, and I can't stand it when you continually bad mouth her behind her back. If you knew half of what she's been through, what she's going through, you would understand."
"Tell me, make me understand." Buffy replied, trying to get through to him.
"I can't its Cordelia's decision to make."
"Cordelia? Cordelia, Cordelia, Cordelia, that's all I've heard about, even when she's not around she still manages to ruin my life."
"I think you're doing a pretty good job of that yourself." Angel spat back.
Pausing from the damaging blow Angel had hit her with; she regained her composure and fought back.
"I may not be perfect, but at least I display human emotions, unlike the ice queen."
"You can say what you want about Cordelia, you can call her every name under the sun if it makes you feel better about yourself, just don't expect me to be around to hear it."
"So that's it then. You've seen a side of Cordelia that you think is real, and then it's goodbye, so long to the rest of us?"
"What us? Buffy this is about you, what you want, don't drag your friends into the conversation just for leverage."
"How dare you. You are the last person who should be lecturing me about leverage, as I recall Angelus has that down to a fine art. Using my friends just to get at me."
"You. Once again everything has to come back to you, Buffy Summers." Putting on a whiney voice he spoke. "I'm the slayer, it's all about me, me, me."
For a moment Buffy feared that she was arguing with Angelus, no doubt he had something to say on the subject, though she was finding it hard to draw the line between the two.
"I accepted you. I brought you into my home..."
"You never accepted me, not after you found out who I really was." He said quieting down. Buffy stopped and stared at him.
"You could never truly accept me, not when you knew that you may have to kill me. I don't think you ever learnt to divide me and Angelus apart."
Buffy stood with an angry look on her face, though her anger dissolved as she realised he was right. Then she surprised both Angel and herself.
"Do you love her?"
"I care about her, a lot. It's different, it isn't painful like..." He trailed off not wanting to put the final nail in the coffin. "I feel, I dunno, relaxed around her, like I can truly be myself you know. And when she smiles, it's like I can feel the sun, she just lights up the room. I've never known anyone like her."
Buffy had tears in her eyes. "Sounds like a yes to me." She said wiping her eyes.
Angel gave her a small smile. It became apparent to the both of them. Buffy was no longer the centre of the universe were Angel was concerned, he was ready to move on without her, and Buffy realised that she too needed to reassess her life and his role in it.
Silently she nodded, they both knew that what they had before would never be again, this was their final goodbye. They were both moving on with their lives, the slate had been wiped clean.
Angel had realised in that moment why he was back. He was here to help those who needed it the most, he was here to help Cordelia, and in her own way, she had helped him, far more than he ever could have imagined.
"You'll find someone." He said. "Someone who'll love you for you, no matter what."
She smiled. "Yeah, I will." She paused. "You should go, Cordelia's waiting for you."
"Are you going to be all right?" She thought for a moment.
"Yeah, I really am."
"I guess I'll see you around." He said staring at her, realizing he didn't feel upset about the end of their relationship, he found that a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Buffy could see it too, the burden he had been carrying had been lifted and his posture changed.
Part of her was already missing him, but the other part told her that she would recover and become stronger for it.
Deciding that they had said all that was to be said, they called it a night. They left the cemetery it opposite directions, both moving on with their lives.
TBC
Chapter 10
"He thinks I'm his father." He said staring into space.
Cordelia looked to Angel, suddenly the effect of the happy moment had disappeared and she was confused as to the new emotion. Suddenly it hit her, maybe Angel didn't want to be a father figure to Josh, maybe he just wanted to help her out but found himself in too deep.
"Angel?"
In all honesty part of him wanted Josh to love him like a father, a huge part of him, but the other part told him that Cordelia was only relying on him as a friend to help take care of Josh. Her voice brought him back to reality, through the haze of the current situation and back on solid ground.
"Yeah." He said pulling his gaze away from that distant place.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just you seemed a little distant."
"I was just thinking about stuff you know, but it doesn't matter." He said covering his tracks.
Cordelia was not convinced, yet she let it slide. She would talk to him about it when he got back.
"Well I'd better get ready, Buffy will be wondering where I am."
"Okay, I'll see you later?" she asked, making sure they were still on for tonight.
"Sure." And with that, he passed Josh back to her and disappeared into the night.
******************************
Patrol had been quieter than usual. Buffy had become accustomed to Angel's lacking conversation, but tonight it seemed as if he had the whole world on his shoulders, unable to take his silence any longer, she spoke up.
"Listen, I know things have been strained between us for awhile, and I guess I just want to clear some things up." She paused making sure he was listening.
"You said you needed to know why you're here and that you need to understand that for yourself first." She paused. "I saw you, the night after the attack."
Angel recalled the evening, it then dawned on him where he was and whom he was with. But he didn't have anything to hide, Cordelia had become his best friend, she and Josh were the closest thing he had to a family and Buffy could say what she wanted, nothing was going to change that.
"You were at Cordelia's house." She said reaffirming his thoughts.
"So it was you in the garden that night." He replied, not hiding the fact that he had been there.
"I was checking in on Cordelia, after what happened in school, we thought there might be some connection between your strange behaviour and Cordelia's."
"Strange behaviour?" he questioned, then. "What happened at school?"
"Well Cordelia was acting, kinda nice and well, you said that you could relate to her..." she trailed off.
"So just because Cordelia was acting like her real self, you decided to spy on her?" he said unable to believe what he was hearing.
"What do you mean 'her real self'? I've known Cordelia awhile, and there's nothing there beneath that bitchy exterior, under the surface there's just more surface."
"You don't know a single thing about Cordelia, so before you start passing judgement, try getting your facts straight!" he all but yelled.
Buffy was surprised by his outburst, trying to understand how the conversation had turned from him to Cordelia.
Angel had started to pace, he had promised Cordelia that he wouldn't let on about what happened to her family, but he needed some way to get the idea across to Buffy that Cordelia wasn't who they thought she was. He sighed.
Buffy had planned to handle the situation far better than it had actually turned out, not wanting to argue with Angel, but not giving up she interrupted his pacing.
"I'm sorry." She said. "I guess I don't know as much about Cordelia as I thought, but what makes you the expert?" she questioned.
"Because...because she's my best friend." He said staring at her.
"She's your what?" Buffy said unable to hide the surprise in her voice, she couldn't have imagined a funnier idea. Angel and Cordelia, best friends.
"I said, she's my best friend. Listen I know you and Cordelia have never gotten along," Buffy snorted, understatement of the century. "But I've gotten to know Cordelia, fate threw us together, and I can't stand it when you continually bad mouth her behind her back. If you knew half of what she's been through, what she's going through, you would understand."
"Tell me, make me understand." Buffy replied, trying to get through to him.
"I can't its Cordelia's decision to make."
"Cordelia? Cordelia, Cordelia, Cordelia, that's all I've heard about, even when she's not around she still manages to ruin my life."
"I think you're doing a pretty good job of that yourself." Angel spat back.
Pausing from the damaging blow Angel had hit her with; she regained her composure and fought back.
"I may not be perfect, but at least I display human emotions, unlike the ice queen."
"You can say what you want about Cordelia, you can call her every name under the sun if it makes you feel better about yourself, just don't expect me to be around to hear it."
"So that's it then. You've seen a side of Cordelia that you think is real, and then it's goodbye, so long to the rest of us?"
"What us? Buffy this is about you, what you want, don't drag your friends into the conversation just for leverage."
"How dare you. You are the last person who should be lecturing me about leverage, as I recall Angelus has that down to a fine art. Using my friends just to get at me."
"You. Once again everything has to come back to you, Buffy Summers." Putting on a whiney voice he spoke. "I'm the slayer, it's all about me, me, me."
For a moment Buffy feared that she was arguing with Angelus, no doubt he had something to say on the subject, though she was finding it hard to draw the line between the two.
"I accepted you. I brought you into my home..."
"You never accepted me, not after you found out who I really was." He said quieting down. Buffy stopped and stared at him.
"You could never truly accept me, not when you knew that you may have to kill me. I don't think you ever learnt to divide me and Angelus apart."
Buffy stood with an angry look on her face, though her anger dissolved as she realised he was right. Then she surprised both Angel and herself.
"Do you love her?"
"I care about her, a lot. It's different, it isn't painful like..." He trailed off not wanting to put the final nail in the coffin. "I feel, I dunno, relaxed around her, like I can truly be myself you know. And when she smiles, it's like I can feel the sun, she just lights up the room. I've never known anyone like her."
Buffy had tears in her eyes. "Sounds like a yes to me." She said wiping her eyes.
Angel gave her a small smile. It became apparent to the both of them. Buffy was no longer the centre of the universe were Angel was concerned, he was ready to move on without her, and Buffy realised that she too needed to reassess her life and his role in it.
Silently she nodded, they both knew that what they had before would never be again, this was their final goodbye. They were both moving on with their lives, the slate had been wiped clean.
Angel had realised in that moment why he was back. He was here to help those who needed it the most, he was here to help Cordelia, and in her own way, she had helped him, far more than he ever could have imagined.
"You'll find someone." He said. "Someone who'll love you for you, no matter what."
She smiled. "Yeah, I will." She paused. "You should go, Cordelia's waiting for you."
"Are you going to be all right?" She thought for a moment.
"Yeah, I really am."
"I guess I'll see you around." He said staring at her, realizing he didn't feel upset about the end of their relationship, he found that a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Buffy could see it too, the burden he had been carrying had been lifted and his posture changed.
Part of her was already missing him, but the other part told her that she would recover and become stronger for it.
Deciding that they had said all that was to be said, they called it a night. They left the cemetery it opposite directions, both moving on with their lives.
TBC