Thank you to J for your character and question idea.

Dear SiriousB1,

Like, oh my god! There is this guy, right? He travels with me and these seven other guys. (No, we are not GAY, you crazy Hentais!) We are on a quest to destroy this beautiful, pure gold ring. (It is beyond me why ANYONE would want to, though. It's so, like, awesome!) But, anyway, this guy, right? He is, like, a big traveler man; they call him a Ranger. But, I hear that he is also a king. A KING! Isn't that, like, so cool? I'm only a prince, so I really look up to him! So, anyway, he's like, really cool and all, but he has one MAJOR flaw: he, like, NEVER washes his hair!!!! It is, like, so totally disgusting! I get the chills just thinking about it! His hair is so greasy, it's, like, so gross! His hair is slimier than, like, a dwarf stuck in the Dead Marshes! EWWWW!!!! Like, how can I get him to wash his hair? Well, it's, like, not JUST his hair. His whole body smells so totally rotten! I don't think any of my friends can even stand to go within ten feet of him! Please help!

Hugs and Kisses,
Sexy Blonde Elf Prince

P.S.
You KNOW you want me!

Dear Sexy Elf,

Um, that is really gross. That sounds like Professor Severus Snape two hours after he took a shower. You and those seven other dudes need to get him to take a bath! And I am just the one to tell you how...first, lure him toward a lake. Tell him that you want to camp by the water or something. Once there, get the strongest one of you to toss him in! Give him Dial soap, a sponge and a lot of Prell! I mean, if you want to you can strip him and THEN throw him in the water. But you have already indicated that you don't swing that way, so I figured that you wouldn't want to do that. I mean, if you change your mind you could, or if one of your friends really wants to see that, be my guest! Oh, by the way, if he tries to get out of the water, threaten that he'll never be able to reach even the lowest standards of a King. That should get him going! (That or that he'll never pick up a chick in his life...)

Sincerely,
SiriousB1

P.S.
Yeah, I know I want you...me and half a million other fangirls on this planet.

Thank you to cookie-crazy for your character and question idea.

Dear SiriousB1,

No matter how many times I straighten it...no matter how many times I blow-dry it...no matter how many orcs I get to brush it, it still is frizzy! My hair, my long, white beautiful hair is crimping! I don't understand why, either. Just last week, the leader of the Urak-hai commented me on how lovely my hair looked as it hung long and straight on my shoulders. And yet, a few days ago, I woke up and it was poofy! I looked into my mirror and it was almost standing up! I got out my brush and tried to brush it straight, but it remained frizzy! I called Super Cuts in my Palantir, but as soon as I walked out of the door after my appointment it began to curl again! Puts hand to head WAH! And now, to make matters worse, it seems that it is falling out! I guess that if I pull it all out it won't be frizzy anymore, but then I'd be bald! I couldn't stand the shame! What should I do about my hair? How can I stop it from being frizzy and watches a large clump fall to the floor stop it from falling out? GIVE ME THE GUIDANCE THAT I SEEK OR I SHALL CURSE YOU FOREVER!

Signed,

Evil Bad Wizard Man

Dear Redundant Wizard,

Frizzy hair, huh? Hm...it seems to me that someone has cursed you. Gandalf, perhaps? I've known some people who have suffered the Frizzy Hair Curse, and I know that it isn't pretty. I don't want to make rain thunder on your hopes, but all of them went insane. Yes, I will never forget the day when they came out of the hospital. Talked to themselves, they did. Saying something about having seen the light...anyhow, the only way to cure this horrible fate is to have the one who cast it upon you remove it. I suggest that you talk to Gandalf (I'm just going to assume that it was him) about it. You know, do a favor for him. Return to the good side (that sounded like Star Wars...) or something like that. Just strike up some sort of bargain with him! Oh, and about losing your hair, I don't think that that is another curse. It's most likely just old age. My friend's father uses Rogaine and it seems to have good results, so you should go buy a bottle of that. Good luck! Snicker

Sincerely,

SiriousB1