Thank you to Iccess-america for your character and question ideas.
Dear SiriousB1,
Winky is a horrible house elf, Winky is! Winky tried to be a good house elf, Winky is, but Winky didn't follow master's orders! Winky wants to be a good house elf, Winky does, but now that Winky has been shamed, Winky doesn't think that Winky can be good no more! Will you help poor Winky?
From,
Disgraced House Elf
Dear Disgraced,
Damn, elf! You are really fucked up, you know that? If you want any respect at all, you're gonna' have to learn how to speak proper English! Take some lessons, for God's sake; I got a headache just reading your letter! Anyway, after you find some good, inexpensive English Classes, go to maid school. Hell, you could e-mail Jennifer Lopez (oh wait...excuse me...e-mail "J-Lo") and ask her what she did in Maid in Manhattan that was so maid-like. After you get what information you can out of her (I'm just going to assume very little) go to a Maid School. I know they're out there!
Sincerely,
SiriousB1
P.S.
My head is still spinning...
Dear SiriousB1,
I have two major problems, both of which involve my two best friends. First has to do with love. I am madly in love with my best friend that is a girl. She is so pretty! She is intelligent, kind...everything that I look for in a girl. Sure, we argue sometimes (okay, we argue a lot), but isn't that just a sign that two people are meant for each other? How can I confess my true, undying love to this girl of my dreams? And, the second problem has to do with my other best friend. In fact, I was a best friend with him before I even ever met Hermo...er, my other best friend that I am in love with. The issue is that he is always overshadowing me! He gets all the attention from teachers, girls, even strangers just because he's The Boy Who Lived. I don't say it, but it really gets to me. How can I cope with him being so much more popular than I?
Signed,
Red Haired Lover Boy
Dear Red,
You should tell this girl that you like out right about your feelings. It's always better to tell someone than keep it knotted up inside you. Trust me. That way, you'll be able to figure out several things: if she likes you back, what her reaction to you saying it is (surprised, happy, etc.) and other things. She will also probably show some more respect towards you once you have shown the courage that it takes to tell a girl (or guy, but you obviously don't swing that way) that you like them. As for your other friend? Tell him to suck his dick. Well, okay, don't actually do that, but just ignore his popularity. I mean, really. Would you rather be famous and have everyone know every move you make or be a kid that no one has ever heard of that has their own freedom? Personally, I'd choose the latter. Fame isn't everything. (Whoa, sounding like your sexy Potions Master now!) Be happy with who you are and be grateful that no one is stalking you 24/7. (Trust me...being stalked is not a good feeling! Not that I know, of course. But being the stalker as opposed to the stalked is a much better feeling.) Um...did I just write that? I'm not a stalker! ::Sees Hojo walk by:: Excuse me please... ::follows Hojo with bazooka, seven grenades and pistol...::
Sincerely,
SiriousB1
Dear SiriousB1,
Winky is a horrible house elf, Winky is! Winky tried to be a good house elf, Winky is, but Winky didn't follow master's orders! Winky wants to be a good house elf, Winky does, but now that Winky has been shamed, Winky doesn't think that Winky can be good no more! Will you help poor Winky?
From,
Disgraced House Elf
Dear Disgraced,
Damn, elf! You are really fucked up, you know that? If you want any respect at all, you're gonna' have to learn how to speak proper English! Take some lessons, for God's sake; I got a headache just reading your letter! Anyway, after you find some good, inexpensive English Classes, go to maid school. Hell, you could e-mail Jennifer Lopez (oh wait...excuse me...e-mail "J-Lo") and ask her what she did in Maid in Manhattan that was so maid-like. After you get what information you can out of her (I'm just going to assume very little) go to a Maid School. I know they're out there!
Sincerely,
SiriousB1
P.S.
My head is still spinning...
Dear SiriousB1,
I have two major problems, both of which involve my two best friends. First has to do with love. I am madly in love with my best friend that is a girl. She is so pretty! She is intelligent, kind...everything that I look for in a girl. Sure, we argue sometimes (okay, we argue a lot), but isn't that just a sign that two people are meant for each other? How can I confess my true, undying love to this girl of my dreams? And, the second problem has to do with my other best friend. In fact, I was a best friend with him before I even ever met Hermo...er, my other best friend that I am in love with. The issue is that he is always overshadowing me! He gets all the attention from teachers, girls, even strangers just because he's The Boy Who Lived. I don't say it, but it really gets to me. How can I cope with him being so much more popular than I?
Signed,
Red Haired Lover Boy
Dear Red,
You should tell this girl that you like out right about your feelings. It's always better to tell someone than keep it knotted up inside you. Trust me. That way, you'll be able to figure out several things: if she likes you back, what her reaction to you saying it is (surprised, happy, etc.) and other things. She will also probably show some more respect towards you once you have shown the courage that it takes to tell a girl (or guy, but you obviously don't swing that way) that you like them. As for your other friend? Tell him to suck his dick. Well, okay, don't actually do that, but just ignore his popularity. I mean, really. Would you rather be famous and have everyone know every move you make or be a kid that no one has ever heard of that has their own freedom? Personally, I'd choose the latter. Fame isn't everything. (Whoa, sounding like your sexy Potions Master now!) Be happy with who you are and be grateful that no one is stalking you 24/7. (Trust me...being stalked is not a good feeling! Not that I know, of course. But being the stalker as opposed to the stalked is a much better feeling.) Um...did I just write that? I'm not a stalker! ::Sees Hojo walk by:: Excuse me please... ::follows Hojo with bazooka, seven grenades and pistol...::
Sincerely,
SiriousB1