THE HEAVENS OPEN
Introductions and Disclaimers:
1. This fanfic is the third book in a yet-to-be-named series of mine, which started with a fic called "X-men: Friends of Humanity" and continued with "Freedom." This story is probably not going to make a lot of sense if you haven't already read the first two books in the series, so please do check them out if you haven't already. If you're not reading this from fanfiction.net and you want to find my earlier works, then follow this link to my friend Leigh's site:
http://geocities.com/loopeleigh/
Then just click on links to Stormkeeper's fiction.
2. I will include a very brief synopsis of the first two fics at the bottom of this section, just for the heck of it. I'll also throw in a 'cast of characters' list---so just scroll on down to the bottom of this page if you want to read it.
3. The rating for this series is R. Probably not every segment here warrants that rating, but this book does contain profanity, love scenes, and in general "adult situations", so please do not read if any of the above offends you.
4. I don't own the X-men (but I can dream, right….) and this series is purely for entertainment purposes. I'm making no money off this.
And now, on to our feature presentation:
*************************
THE HEAVENS OPEN
There comes a time, 'tween life and death
When all men stop to catch their breath
We ask the stars 'Why?' we question our lot
The heavens open wide, and reply, 'Why not?'
--H. McCoy, X-Men 11
PART 1
We have this board game that we occasionally play. We've been playing a lot of it lately, as we now live like some sort of space age castaways, huddling together in one room of our starship to conserve our dwindling resources. This board game, which we often play while sitting in a circle on the floor, asks you all sorts of questions about your beliefs, your thoughts, your likes and dislikes. Recently, I was given the question, "What does the word HOME mean to you?"
Home.
That's a tough one. You see, for the past several years, I haven't had one. Along with the rest of the X-men, I have divided my life between two places: a cold, metallic starship built by the vicious Friends of Humanity, a starship which we renamed "Freedom"; and a gorgeous, lush paradise known as An'zhina, a moon which rivals any Hawaiian vacation spot. So is my home somewhere between Freedom and An'zhina?
But I can't really talk about my present homes---be they on board the starship Freedom or the balmy moon known as An'zhina---without thinking about the past. Hank taught me that, in a roundabout sort of way. "The past predicts the future," he once said. I have no idea if he was quoting some famous psychological study or a renowned piece of literature; with Hank, you never knew. But a lot of the sayings and phrases that fall from his lips become embedded into the folds of my mind, returning at the oddest moments. This one popped into my mind as I struggled to answer the question about "home." I know what Hank said is true, though, and maybe I am not as free from my past as I like to think.
I didn't grow up in a home that offered me anything resembling love, security or support. I realize that in all the time I've been writing about the X-men's lives and our adventures over the past few years, I've hardly mentioned my biological family and the home in which I grew up. I've always felt that those memories are better off buried, and I had years of therapy trying to shake off the self-loathing I learned growing up. No point in unearthing memories of parents who didn't want me or accept me the way I am, of a family that literally threw me out the door.
Of course we X-men were **all** cast out --- from earth, our home planet. The whole reason why we've been living on board this starship, returning occasionally to our adopted home of An'zhina, is because the Friends of Humanity kidnapped us three years ago. We wrested control of this ship from them---after they'd managed to torture and humiliate us.
We always were a group of freaks and rejects, and now are even more so, having been banished from mother earth. We X-men have spent the last few years on rescue missions to and from earth, preventing FOH from unleashing deadly viruses and saving the mutants whom FOH has forced into their slave camps, brining them to the refuge that is An'zhina.
But asking me, "What does the word HOME mean to you?" truly brings up more questions than answers. What exactly does the word "home" mean anyway? I guess it's not really true to say that I don't have one. Since my return to the X-men over three years ago---after a seven year hiatus---I have found my sense of security, comfort, and belonging within the X-men. Wherever in the galaxy we happen to be, I feel at home with all the others and I love them dearly. Hank, Jubilee, Gambit, Rogue, Northstar…..
Northstar.
My thought pattern abruptly stops here and all the warm fuzzy feelings of security I'd been experiencing now vanish. For Jean-Paul Beaubier, better known as Northstar, is my lover and he's just been diagnosed with HIV.
I don't know where to go from here or what will happen next. My sense of chaos about my own personal future is mirrored by what's happening on our mission and with our starship. In a freak accident, we X-men have lost all of our dilithium and are heading towards an inhabited planet rich in dilithium. We need more dilithium if we're to make it back to our haven An'zhina in one piece.
Apparently we plan to beg, steal or borrow this precious substance from those who run the planet. I don't even know what the plan is or when we're to arrive at this mysterious planet, and part of me doesn't care because all I can dwell on is Jean-Paul and the fact that the man I love is going to die.
***************
The starship Freedom continued its silent journey towards a blue-green planet not unlike the one they had been exiled from. The planet contained a healthy supply of dilithium, the substance they required to power their vessel. The X-men's supplies of the precious material were almost depleted and they needed for more if they were to make it back to their haven on An'zhina.
The survival of the 21 people on board Freedom depended upon obtaining more dilithium. Those 21 people consisted of 19 mutants and 2 non-mutants. The mutants were Cyclops, Storm, Jean Grey, Wolverine, Rogue, Gambit, Iceman, Beast, Jubilee, Nightcrawler, Northstar, Aurora Borealis, Shaman, Cannonball, Dani Moonstar, Wraith, Panda, Charlotte (the daughter of Jean and Cyclops) and Rory (AKA Aurora, the daughter of Jubilee.) The two non-mutants were a former FOH soldier named Mark Burroughs and Christopher, the son of Jean and Cyclops. The two other children on board the ship had inherited their parents' mutant statuses; Christopher had not.
"No nap!"
Jubilee's daughter Aurora, who was now two years and three months old, expressed her sentiments to her mother, her little arms flailing. One of them held a wooden toy that Wolverine had carved for her. Observing her daughter's pouting spree, Jubilee -- along with most of the rest of the X-men – sat in Freedom's mess hall. Because their dilithium supplies were dwindling, the X-men had closed off most of the rooms of the ship and had moved sleeping bags, cots, and most personal possessions to the largest room, the mess hall. Jubilee put a finger to her lips, signaling her daughter to be quiet. "Rory, shhhhhh," she implored.
"Want play!" Rory continued, ignoring the direction from her mother. "No nap!"
"No, sweetie," Jubilee said. "It's time for you to take a nap, like your cousins," she said, gesturing at Scott and Jean's two children, both of whom were sound asleep in a corner. Scott was seated upon a cushion on the floor near the two children, reading a book from An'zhina. He looked up at Jubilee's exchange with her daughter and smiled patiently. Fortunately, both of his children were still asleep, and even more fortunately to his viewpoint, Charlotte didn't display the rebellious streak of Aurora. Cyclops's son, Christopher was shaping up to be an entirely different story, however.
Aurora continued to demand that someone play with her. Jubilee felt very tired and wished for a break from the child's antics. During a normal day, Jubilee got plenty of time to herself, to pursue whatever hobbies and interests she wanted, as one of the other X-men was always available to baby-sit. However with so much of Freedom now closed down, getting away from the child, even for a bit, was proving difficult.
`I wish Bobby was here,' Jubilee thought. `He's good at handling Rory when she gets in a mood like this.' Jubilee looked around the spacious room, puzzled. She dimly recalled that Bobby had headed for the greenhouse….a while ago, **quite** a while ago, in fact. Could he still be there? There weren't that many plants that needed so much attention.
`Maybe he just wants some time away from the rest of the group,' she mused. 'Maybe he's hiding out in engineering.' Jubilee noticed that Northstar, too, was absent and she bit her lip to suppress a giggle. After what she'd observed the previous night in the bathroom from Storm and Wolverine, she guessed that maybe Bobby and Northstar were using one of the few open rooms, such as engineering or the laboratory, for more illicit purposes.
"Okay, Rory, if you're not going to take your nap, that's fine but Mommy's too tired to play with you right now," Jubilee said to the girl. She hadn't slept well the previous night and truly was not up to frolicking around.
"I'll play with her!" Sam Guthrie volunteered. He had just returned to the mess hall from his shift on the main bridge. The X-men all took turns at the main bridge, monitoring the ship's sensors and ensuring they traveled through space undetected and undisturbed. Not that there would be much they could do now if they were to be attacked. With their dilithium supply almost completely evaporated, they simply had to hope to avoid a confrontation with FOH --- they didn't even have enough energy to even fire a photon torpedo now. Freedom did have a cloaking device, but the X-men knew it was not inconceivable that FOH could again develop technology to detect their cloak. Therefore, one X-man was to be on "bridge duty" at all times.
"Knock yourself out," Jubilee said to Cannonball. Sam merrily picked up Rory, swung her around a few times as the child yelped with glee. Rory then eagerly led him towards her toys.
Several moments later, Charlotte woke from her nap. Groggily she toddled over towards her father, as if to cuddle with him. Scott smiled, always pleased with his daughter, his heart full of love for her. Beneath his visor, however, his eyes grew wide with alarm and he sucked in a gasp of air when he saw Charlotte's face contort with dismay.
"What's wrong, pumpkin?" Scott asked. "What is it?"
"Sad!! Uncle Bobby sad!" Charlotte proclaimed.
Scott looked around and saw that several people were within earshot. With most of the ship shut down, pretty much everyone was forced to congregate in the mess hall. Jean Grey was absent from the room as she was now on bridge duty; other than her, only Bobby, Northstar, Jeanne-Marie, Hank, and Panda were not in the mess hall.
"Bobby sad, and Jean-Paul sad and Jeanne-Marie sad!!!" Charlotte continued, her voice rising with panic. Most people in the large room turned their heads towards the girl.
"Charlotte, sshhhhhh," Scott said, pressing a finger to his lips. "Remember what we spoke about, pumpkin? You have a very special gift to be able to tell what other people are feeling inside. But remember how we said that feelings are private? It is not nice to tell everyone what other people are feeling inside."
Charlotte was not concerned with her father's admonitions. She knew only that she had never before sensed her Uncle Bobby quite this panicky, quite this full of dread. She had to go comfort him! The toddler made her way towards the door.
"Where are you going, sweetheart?" Scott asked, rising to his feet after Charlotte.
"Gotta go be with Bobby!"
Rogue and Gambit were playing cards at one of the tables along with Shaman and Wraith. They, as everyone else in the room, noticed Charlotte's exchange with her father. They also knew that Charlotte's empathic abilities were potent----and accurate.
"What do ya think's wrong with Bobby?" Rogue asked, setting her cards down.
"I don't know, chere," Gambit replied, his voice full of genuine concern. He and Rogue had built up a strong friendship with Bobby over the past few years; both members of the couple were quite fond of the Iceman. "But Gambit t'ink it be serious wit' the way the kid be carryin' on."
"Maybe we better go check in on him," Rogue said, pushing her chair away from the table. She knew Remy was right; Charlotte did not usually broadcast the emotions of others unless they were intense. The empathic child was obviously very distressed over Bobby's emotional state.
"Let's go," Gambit said, rising from his chair along with Rogue. "Excuse us," he said to Shaman and Wraith.
Cyclops and his daughter had just exited the mess hall. Rogue and Gambit caught up to them in the hallway.
"What you t'ink be wrong?" Gambit asked.
"I don't know," Cyclops replied. The tall adults barely kept pace with Charlotte who was racing down the hall. "But Charlotte doesn't usually get this agitated. She's **really** worried about him."
"Then I am too!" Rogue declared. The procession passed the greenhouse and found that Bobby was not in there. That left only three rooms that Bobby could be in: the bridge, engineering or sick bay. Scott tapped his communicator and confirmed with Jean that Bobby was not on the bridge.
Just as Cyclops, Charlotte, Rogue and Gambit reached sick bay, the doors to the room swung aside and Jeanne-Marie Beaubier stomped out. Her face was red and her hair disheveled. "I cannot take any more of this!" she announced, her voice hoarse. "I cannot! God must **hate** us! We are cursed!"
"Where are you going, Jeanne-Marie?" Northstar called out from the infirmary as his sister headed down the hall. Northstar's voice sounded oddly steady and calm.
"I don't know!" she answered, not breaking her stride away from sick bay.
Panda then swiftly followed Jeanne-Marie, calling after her. "Wait up!" she shouted. The two women disappeared down the hall, one after the other.
After witnessing that exchange, Rogue, Gambit, Cyclops and Charlotte tentatively stepped through the sliding doors of sick bay. They found Iceman, Northstar, and Beast standing around, looking as if a hurricane had just pummeled its way through.
Gambit eyed each of the three men, quickly sizing up the situation. Hank looked concerned and saddened, though Gambit saw a hint of something else in his old friend's eyes. Determination, maybe----or something like that, Gambit decided. Bobby perhaps had been crying a while ago but now looked depressed, shocked and fearful…though not as positively hysterical as Jeanne-Marie. Northstar's expression was hardest to read – partly, Gambit mused, because he didn't know the Canadian as well and partly because Jean-Paul generally did a commendable job of masking his feelings and thoughts.
Northstar and Hank looked back at the four who had entered the room. Bobby's gaze was directed downwards as if he hadn't even noticed the intrusion. Little Charlotte broke the ice by running up to Bobby and hugging him.
"It okay, Uncle Bobby. No sad. We be okay," she insisted, trying to comfort him.
Bobby limply reached a hand down to pat the child, closing his eyes. Gambit saw how Bobby's lips trembled.
Cyclops looked around, not knowing what to say. "Did we come at a bad time?" he managed. Gambit managed to keep from rolling his eyes at Cyclops's words.
"Yes," Northstar replied, sounding cold and distant. "If you do not mind, we would like to be alone. Excuse us, please."
Cyclops looked at Hank, and Hank slowly nodded. "We thank you for your concern," Hank said. "But at this time, we must insist on being left alone."
Obeying the request, Scott, Rogue and Gambit turned to leave. Charlotte, however, continued to cleave to Bobby. "Go on, Char," Bobby said quietly, nudging the child away.
"Come here, pumpkin," Cyclops gestured for his daughter. "You can see that Bobby is okay. We need to leave them alone."
Charlotte stomped her foot. "Not true! Bobby **not** okay! Bobby sad."
Scott felt surprise at his daughter's obstinacy; Charlotte was usually very agreeable. He held out his hand towards her and gently managed to coax her into leaving sick bay.
**************
There wasn't much conversation among the four who left sick bay. Cyclops gently reassured his daughter that despite whatever was bothering Bobby, he obviously was in no immediate danger.
Rogue and Gambit walked a few steps behind the father-daughter pair. Once they reached the small greenhouse, Gambit cocked his head towards the door. Privacy was now at a premium and the greenhouse's large window indicated that no one was inside the room.
"Bobby had a look on his face like his best friend just died!" Rogue said, once she and her husband were behind the doors of the greenhouse.
Gambit nodded, his eyes towards the floor.
"Okay, come clean. I can tell from the look on your face that you got a good idea what's goin' on," Rogue demanded.
Gambit again nodded somberly. He took a deep breath before speaking. "Gambit got a guess. I t'ink Northstar jus' been diagnosed wit' a disease. I t'ink maybe it be AIDS." Rogue gasped and Gambit paused. He then explained his rationale. "Dat's what it all add up to. Hank was dere wit' dem in the lab. I bet he been testin' Jean-Paul ever since we get rescued from FOH. We know FOH raped him." Though Northstar had not shared that fact with anyone other than those he needed to---his sister, his lover, and Hank because Hank was his doctor----Gambit astutely had surmised the truth. "We know dose FOH bastards got and carry lots of dose type of diseases. 'Bout enough time's past since we been captured dat an infection could show up. An' you saw how Jeanne-Marie be havin' a break down outside of sick bay an how she say God is against us. I t'ink Hank jus' told them dat Northstar's test came back positive. If Gambit had to make a bet, dat be my wager."
Rogue put her hands to her cheeks. "Oh Remy. That can't be it. Bobby will be devastated! And it's so unfair! He didn't do anything to deserve it. Maybe you're wrong. Maybe it's something other than AIDS."
"Gambit t'ink, from talkin' wit' Hank and Panda and Shaman, dat dey be able to cure 'bout any other type of disease. AIDS be the one dat dey still got no cure for. Shaman can use his powers to heal but he's not been able to heal someone wit' AIDS." Gambit shook his head. "If it was somet'in else, Bobby and Jeanne-Marie wouldn't be freakin' out like dis."
"But Jean-Paul looked calm."
"Dat jus' be the way he is, chere. He keepin' it to himself."
Rogue then gasped again as a thought struck her. She reached for one of her husband's hands. "Remy! What if it ain't Northstar who's sick? What if it's Bobby!" She then quickly added, "I mean, I love them both but…but…." She didn't need to say anything more; both she and Gambit had quite the soft spot for Bobby. Rogue recently had recurring dreams—fantasies, really---- of her and Gambit being parents, and of having Bobby play the part of the adoring Uncle. He was so good with Jubilee's and Scott and Jean's children. Rogue then quickly backtracked. "Well, it can't be. If Bobby had AIDS, we'd know by now; it wouldda shown up on some test. He ain't been with anyone but Jean-Paul since we've known him, right?"
"Well…." Gambit began, "remember Ceti III?" he asked, referring to the planet on which he, Iceman and Wolverine had been forced to work as slaves, after FOH had captured them. Gambit had figured out, though Bobby had never told him, that Bobby had slept with one of their fellow captives a few times there. Gambit shared a lot with Rogue and he had mentioned Bobby's fling to her before. She nodded in recognition. "But I don't t'ink dat's it," Gambit continued. "Dat was a long time ago. I t'ink if he caught anyt'ing dere, it show up long before now."
Rogue kept turning over ideas in her head, hoping and wishing it were something else. But she knew her husband's senses and intuition were too strong and he was usually right about matters such as these. Her heart continued to sink.
"What do we do, Remy? Bobby's gonna be just crushed. He's gonna be devastated."
Gambit took Rogue into an embrace, wishing he could offer her---and ultimately Bobby----more comfort than this. "Gambit wish he knew," he said, a lump forming in his throat. "Chere, if you ever….ever got sick with somet'in dat lead to….death, I—" Gambit had to pause to collect himself and steady his voice. He held Rogue even harder against himself. "Can't even t'ink about it," he said, shaking his head. "Can't even t'ink how crazy I'd be."
*************
Jean Grey's bridge duty shift was about half way finished. She heard the doors slide aside and smiled to see her husband and children enter. Charlotte scrambled up to her mother for a hug; Scott carried Christopher.
"Mommy!" Charlotte called. "Uncle Bobby very sad!"
Jean looked up at Scott. He usually did not interrupt her bridge duty shift, nor did he like his shift to be interrupted; Cyclops took the duty of monitoring space, as he took all of his duties, seriously.
"Is something wrong?" Jean asked. She could feel her daughter's sincere distress.
Scott nodded. "Something is wrong---I just don't know how serious it is. And nothing I say is comforting her." Scott then went on to describe what had just taken place. Jean listened intently as she cared a great deal for Bobby. She also knew that although the fact of Bobby being gay made Scott uncomfortable, her husband did share her caring for Bobby too, in the way that Cyclops cared about all the members of his team.
"So what do you think it is?" Scott asked when he was finished relaying the events. "I mean, is it something that I, as the team's leader, need to take action on?"
Jean smiled and knew that Storm would not hesitate to remind Cyclops that he was the team's **co**-leader. Scott then continued, "What would you do, Jean?"
"Well, Scott I think at this point all you can do is go up to Bobby and ask him if he's alright and if there's anything you can do to help." Jean was touched, as always, by Scott's regard for her. Despite what others might say, he truly **wanted** to be a good leader----or co-leader---and to shake off his reputation as being too strict. He cared about the team's well-being and not just from the standpoint of wanting the group to run efficiently. And he honestly valued Jean's advice, often taking her opinion on any matter. "From what Northstar said, whatever it is he does not want to discuss it now. But perhaps Bobby or Jeanne-Marie might want to."
"Jeanne-Marie seemed extremely distressed," Scott said. "I saw Panda go off after her, maybe to comfort her." Christopher stirred in his arms, wanting to be set down. Scott gently lowered the boy to the floor, and Charlotte leapt off her mother's lap to fuss over her brother.
Jean nodded, unsurprised that Charlotte's worry had been over Bobby and the girl had not said anything about Jeanne-Marie's condition. Charlotte had bonded with "Uncle Bobby" whereas Jeanne-Marie stayed away from others, especially the children. FOH had taken Jeanne-Marie's own son away from her. "I would recommend that you also ask her if there's anything you can do to help her," Jean said. "When I'm done with my shift, I'll talk to her, if you prefer." Although Jean could not say that she was close to the Canadian woman, they had bonded in a way. Years ago, when the X-men had rescued the Alpha Flight survivors from FOH, Jeanne-Marie had poured out every detail about the terrible ordeal to Jean.
Scott nodded. "I would appreciate that." He paused, "Jean, I don't mean to sound as if I'm gossiping, but do you have any idea what might be wrong with Bobby?"
Jean's lips twitched with a smile. Scott always strove to do the right thing and he knew gossiping was wrong. Even with his own wife he would hesitate to talk about the personal business of others. She then drew a breath. "I'm not really sure, Scott. My hunch is that maybe it has to do with something with Northstar, given that the two people closest to him are really shaken up. But any guessing would be just that----guesses."
The door to the bridge then slid aside again, and Wolverine entered. "Hope I ain't interrupting anything," he said.
"You're quite early for your shift," Cyclops said. After the words were out, he realized that they came across sounding far more harsh than he'd intended. He wanted only to express curiosity at Wolverine's early visit to the bridge, nothing more. But he knew he sounded abrasive, as if he'd even been questioning Wolverine's motives for entering the bridge during Jean's shift. Scott was long, long past the days of jealousy and fear that Jean might leave him for Wolverine. Besides, everyone knew that Wolverine was back with Storm now and the two seemed to be truly trying to make it work this time. Scott would have to admit that he was glad of that fact.
"Don't owe you an explanation," came Wolverine's blunt reply.
"I think I can guess, Logan," Jean said, with a warm smile, trying to diffuse the inevitable tension in the room between the two men. "You probably are going crazy with the lack of privacy on board the ship now, and you wanted to get away from everyone. So you came here to offer to take over the remainder of my bridge duty shift just so you can be alone."
Logan allowed a slight smile. Jean still had an effect on him; there was just something about her….and always would be, as far as he was concerned. But he made an effort to brush it aside. `Storm. I'm with Storm now and I love her. I ain't wastin' anymore time chasin' after something I ain't gonna have.' Storm was tangible and real, and he did indeed love her.
"You got it right," Wolverine said. "Can't wait till we get to this planet so I don't gotta spend all damn day sittin' in the mess hall with ten other people." The X-men had been forced to close down the gym to conserve dilithium and many members of the team, used to training every day, were experiencing a sort of withdrawal. Some had taken to exercising---jogging and lifting weights----in the corridors or around the mess hall, dodging various tables, chairs, and children.
Cyclops looked at one of the monitors. "Should be there in less than 24 hours. Our sensors haven't picked up any starships approaching us. Though it does appear the people on the planet have some degree of technology, from what we can tell that doesn't include any ships capable of warp drive." As he spoke, Christopher crawled over towards Wolverine and tugged at his pants leg. The children all regarded Wolverine as a big teddy bear, distressed as he might've been at that thought. Today was a rare day; he did not acknowledge the boy or take him into his arms.
"There are millions of minds on that planet," Jean said.
"Any overall impressions?" Scott asked. He noticed Christopher wanting to be acknowledged by Logan, and he bent down and swooped up his son in his arms. Christopher proceeded to tug on his father's visor. Scott firmly but gently stayed his son's hand.
"My first impression is that it's a lot like earth. Many people with minds going in many different directions. And many sad people too, much sadness and anger. But a lot of happiness too."
"She's done a great job at learning to control her empathic powers," Scott said, looking at Charlotte. None would ever forget Charlotte's traumatized reaction at encountering the billions of minds on earth and feeling their mental agony.
"She got a good teacher," Wolverine said.
"I miss the Professor," Jean then stated. Thinking of Charlotte's early mastery of her powers brought Charles Xavier to the forefront of Jean's mind. "He'd be so happy to see how well the kids are doing."
"And I think especially thrilled with how well Charlotte can control her powers," Scott said, full of pride over his daughter. He knew the Professor was impressed with his namesake. "He does admire strong minds."
"I hope things go smoothly once we get to this planet," Jean said quietly. "It just kills me to think of my parents, the rest of my family and the Professor going crazy at how overdue we are."
"Chuck'll comfort 'em," Wolverine said. "He knows the kinda stuff we face and he knows we're gonna be okay."
"Your parents listen to him and respect him," Scott said. "And they, too, have seen all the adventures we've lived through. Deep down they have to know we can handle whatever is thrown at us."
The three continued talking along those lines for a bit. Even Wolverine took part, his desire to be alone having lessened somewhat. But after a while, Scott, Jean and their children did leave the bridge so that Wolverine could have it to himself. Scott and Jean then made their way to the mess hall for lunch, having forgotten their discussion of Bobby's current mental state. They had no idea how much the cause of Bobby's anguish would end up impacting their lives forever.
*****************
Hank brought us lunch. We hadn't left the laboratory since receiving Jean-Paul's terrible diagnosis and I was really lost as to how much time had passed. In some ways, it felt like mere minutes; in other ways, it felt like days.
"The rest of the team has completed their mid-day victuals but I procured food for you as well. Sandwiches which include lettuce and tomatoes from the greenhouse. You should be proud of your gardening skills, Bobby," Hank said, handing us a tray which included glasses of water and steaming bowls of soup too. I looked at the food on the tray as if it were made of wax.
"I'm not hungry," I mumbled. I felt hunger pangs from my belly but my mouth and head felt as if stuffed with soggy cotton.
"Nor am I," Jean-Paul said.
My eyes widened at Jean-Paul's words. "But you should eat!" I realized, turning towards him. I didn't yet know much about AIDS but I knew that people with the disease tended to lose a ton of weight. "We have to keep your weight and your strength up. You need food!"
Jean-Paul rolled his eyes as if I spoke gibberish. His words stung, sounding as if he was speaking to a child. "Robere, please. It's not like I have AIDS yet. I've just been diagnosed with the virus. I don't even show any symptoms yet and I am not going to waste away before your eyes."
"I'm just concerned about you!" I insisted, noticing out of the corner of my eye that Hank was quietly returning to the part of sick bay where he had his laboratory. I was starting to suspect that he hadn't left it since he broke the news to Jean-Paul and I.
Jean-Paul didn't respond to those words. I moved to sit back down next to him on one of the beds. I tried to put an arm around him but he jerked his body away. "Jean-Paul," I began, "please don't push me away like this. You know I love you. Don't shut me out. We'll find a way to deal with it together. We **have** to face it together."
He looked down, not turning his head in my direction or responding to my pleas. He was silent for a while. Then he quietly said, "Bobby, s'il vous plaît, I want to be alone now." We were both quiet for a bit. He then added, finally showing some tenderness in his voice, "Amour, I just found out that I have a terminal illness and we've spent the last four hours in here ranting with Jeanne-Marie…crying, and agonizing, and talking about it. I am exhausted and I just want to be alone now. I need some peace and quiet."
I tried to ignore the stinging pain in my heart from his words. Even though his voice had taken on a more gentle tone, accepting the fact that he wanted no comfort from me was not easy. I willed away the next round of tears I felt threatening to leak from my eyes and lightly placed a hand on his arm. "If that's what you want, I will leave the room." I got up from the bed. "But please, Jean-Paul. Don't shut me out. I love you and I want to help you."
Jean-Paul failed to respond, continuing to stare at the floor. I miserably skulked out of the room.
As I moped down the corridor towards the mess hall, my thoughts spun. Last time Jean-Paul shut me out like this was after the assault he'd lived through at the hands of FOH. But once we patched it up, our relationship became better than ever. But now this. Was our relationship really ever solid or would it mean that every time something went wrong he would turn around and act like this?
Then I wondered why I was speculating about our future. We didn't have much of one, depending on how long Jean-Paul could fight the disease. As he said, he didn't yet have full blown AIDS but that's what HIV leads to. He would have it someday, maybe even **soon** with the way our luck was going.
Believe it or not, AIDS never before directly impacted my life. Hard to imagine for a gay man who spent almost seven years living in the San Francisco Bay area but it's true. Oh, I went to a few different fundraisers and other events to benefit the cause, and my ex-partner Michael had a friend who was living with AIDS. I met this guy, Juan, a few times and he basically looked normal, though very thin. There were a few other guys too, casual acquaintances of mine, who also had the disease but none of them were people I knew well at all. One of them died months before I rejoined the X-men and I did attend his funeral. Memories from that afternoon flooded back to me---- the stuffy church, the dirge of the organ music, the parents appearing more embarrassed than sad. And the dead man's partner, weeping uncontrollably during the ceremony, being comforted by another friend.
I had to shake those memories off. I then thought back to the young woman named Lu who we X-men rescued from an FOH camp in Beijing. It seemed to me that she didn't last too long once she was diagnosed with AIDS. I dimly recalled the awkward funeral we held for her and I shuddered anew.
Damn those FOH bastards. There just aren't any words strong enough that I can say or write to condemn them so I won't waste the effort.
I got to the mess hall, not wanting to show my face. When I walked in, it seemed that practically **everyone** was there. (Well, where else would they go, with most of the ship closed down?) I located the area of the floor where I'd neatly rolled up my sleeping bag that morning. I winced when I looked at it. I'd woken up that morning and it had been a normal day----well, basically as normal a day as we X-men usually had. Now my life was blown open and there was nothing to do but pick up the pieces. I was slowly absorbing the realization that my life would never be the same again.
I numbly rummaged around my duffel bag, searching for a book from An'zhina that I'd brought and having the distinct impression that nearly everyone was looking at me out of the corners of their eyes. I was vaguely aware that conversations seemed to have died down; the only sound was Rory playing with one of her toys. I located a corner of the room and sat down, slumped against a wall.
The room was eerily quiet as I tried to get into the book. I looked up once from the pages and saw Jubilee and Moonstar both quickly look down, as if they had been peeking at me. Later on, I snuck another glimpse. Everyone seemed almost frozen in their tracks. I felt my cheeks get warm. It had been a long time since I felt this uncomfortable, especially among a group that I considered my family. I didn't care much right then what the others were feeling but I got the idea that they were all fairly uncomfortable too.
I turned my eyes back to the same paragraph I'd read at least four times now. A movement from the periphery caught my attention. Before I knew it, Rogue and Gambit had gracefully and quickly made their way to my side. "Hey, Bobby," Rogue began, speaking in a near-whisper, "can ya help Gambit and me with somethin' in engineering?"
"Sure," I said, scrambling to my feet. Bless their hearts, they were going to rescue me from this awkward hell. I knew I was truly lucky to have friends like these, who could just sense my needs.
After a silent walk down the corridors, the three of us found ourselves in engineering, where we were fortunate to be alone save for the machines and the steady hum emanating from them as they powered the ship. I leaned against a wall, Rogue and Gambit facing me.
"We jus' wonderin' if somet'in be wrong," Gambit said. "You okay, Bobby?"
I looked at his face, I looked at Rogue's and I saw such genuine caring. They were really worried about me. Then I broke down and started crying. I told them everything. Everything, starting from the time Hank called Jean-Paul and I to sick bay, to Jean-Paul's brushing me off and wanting to be alone. Gambit miraculously produced a handkerchief which I used to blow my nose into and wipe my eyes. "I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare but it's not happening," I said.
I don't remember what they said to comfort me, but they did hug me and let me cry my eyes out. It helped. It actually did more than help; I think it helped save my sanity because sitting quietly in the mess hall as if everything were alright would've been unbearable. I don't know how long the three of us stayed in engineering but Hector stopped in at one point to run diagnostics on the engines, and we did not leave until Sam Guthrie called our communicators to say that dinner was almost ready.
************
Wolverine had been sitting on the bridge for several uneventful hours now as Freedom warped towards the planet. The sooner they got there, the better. He needed his privacy, his means to get away from the others. And his body ached for **exercise.** Having grown accustomed to intense training sessions and battles in the Danger Room, the fact that the gym was now closed felt akin to torture. Fortunately, Wolverine had brought a few weights with him which he made use of during the quiet hours of his shift.
He heard the sound of the doors swishing aside and footsteps. Storm entered the bridge, carrying a plate of food. "It's lunchtime," she said. "I thought you might be hungry."
"Thanks, Storm," he said, accepting the tray that she placed in front of him and reaching for the sandwich.
Storm had debated herself before taking the meal to him. It had not been long since their relationship had turned a corner; they had finally admitted to each other their feelings of love. Not an easy step for two proud, stubborn people. This experience of having a "real" relationship---one beyond mere friendship, beyond mere sex----would be new and unusual for both of them, and Storm did not wish to smother Logan. The last thing she would want would be for him to feel stifled and to eventually bolt. `Not that I couldn't deal with it if it does happen someday,' she resolutely told herself. `I can handle anything. But we are both happy now. And I want that to be preserved as long as possible.'
Storm had finally decided to just bring lunch to Wolverine. Common courtesy on board Freedom had always dictated that **someone** would bring meals to whoever was on bridge duty at the time. `So why not have it be me? He's brought me meals before.' Besides, by now it was past the usual lunch time and Wolverine had to be getting hungry.
"You wanna stay and talk for a bit?" he asked, warmth evident in his voice. Wolverine knew that Storm didn't want to smother him and he did not wish to smother her, either. But he knew that having a conversation over a meal hardly constituted suffocation. Besides, given the current situation on board Freedom, who knew when they would next get a chance to be alone?
"I would like to," Storm said, seating herself in the chair next to the Captain's.
"You want some?" Logan asked, gesturing to the food on his plate.
Storm shook her head. "I ate already; thank you." She noted the twinge of formality in her voice and knew that she didn't need it during this stage in their relationship. Yes, this new direction their relationship had taken would require some getting used to. "Has anything unusual happened in the last few hours?"
"Nope. The monitors all quiet." He paused. "Anything goin' on with the others?"
Storm drew in a breath. "There is something that I am concerned about. Something is terribly wrong with Bobby."
Wolverine nodded. Both he and Storm had witnessed Charlotte's loud expression of concern for Bobby that morning. "Anything happen since the kid got all worried over him?"
"Yes. Bobby made an appearance in the mess hall not long ago. He came in and sat by himself in a corner, looking as if his world were ending. He looked truly horrible. Rogue and Gambit ushered him out of the room and they have been gone since." She took a breath. "It has been an odd day as I haven't seen either of the twins, or Hank or Panda, since early this morning. But on my way to the bridge, I passed Jeanne-Marie and Panda in the greenhouse. Something was terribly wrong with Jeanne-Marie as well; she appeared to be in a state of….panic. I did not stare but it was quite obvious that Jeanne-Marie was horribly upset and Panda was attempting to calm her down." Storm paused. "I know that the other's personal lives are none of our business but I think it's clear that something is very wrong. I cannot help but to be concerned."
Wolverine nodded. "I am too. Maybe it's somethin' with Northstar," Wolverine said. "Looks like the two people closest to him are goin' crazy."
"You might be right."
*************
Jean-Paul Beaubier was relieved to be left alone at last. Jeanne-Marie had fled aghast, wrapped up in her own sorrow, and Bobby had heeded Jean-Paul's request for solitude. Northstar was finally alone in sick bay. Hank McCoy worked away behind closed doors, in his laboratory. "I assure you that I shall spend my every waking hour searching for a cure for this disease," the good doctor had said.
`Bless his heart,' Northstar thought wryly. Let him knock himself out attempting to do what researchers on earth had been unable to achieve for a few decades now. `Well, perhaps I should not be so grim,' Northstar speculated. `Researchers on earth have stopped looking for a cure in favor of rounding up everyone who might have the disease.'
Northstar found himself pacing around sick bay. He was glad to be alone. He loved Jeanne-Marie and Bobby, but right now he couldn't deal with their agony. He didn't want either of them to love him as much as they did. `Especially Bobby,' he thought. `I must keep him away from me at all costs. I must be sure not to give him this disease----if I haven't already.' He then obsessively replayed each of their lovemaking sessions since his release from the FOH. `Did we do anything that could have put ma coeur at risk??' he frantically asked himself. His crisp memory replayed each time they'd been sexual together since the assaults.
Northstar continued to pace as his mind flew at sonic speeds. Could anyone on the ship other than Bobby be at risk too? `No….I should know better. AIDS isn't spread so easy to spread.' Jean-Paul then spotted a stack of papers on one of the counters. Hank had printed up reams of paper regarding this disease, including a great deal of information regarding how AIDS is and is not transmitted. `That man has a heart of gold. No wonder Bobby loves him so much.' Northstar walked over to the stack and took the papers in hand. He then spent hours pouring over them, learning as much as he could about this terrifying disease. Most of it was not really new to him; many years ago Jean-Paul had adopted an infant with AIDS. During Joanne's brief life on earth, he had learned all he could about HIV and AIDS. Still, he combed through the pages Hank printed for him.
After quite some time, Northstar was tired of reading, tired of thinking. He was dimly aware that his eyes and his head were starting to ache. The shock was gradually wearing off and the reality sinking in. During years and years of reading and hearing about this disease, after watching Joanne die of it, he had never thought he himself would contract it. `It is no longer just the "people with AIDS" or "AIDS victims" these articles talk about. It is I. Jean-Paul Beaubier.'
Jean-Paul placed a hand on his abdomen. His stomach grumbled. `I cannot remain in sick bay for the rest of my life. I am not under quarantine!' He had had his fill of aloneness and now sought to be with the rest.
As he turned towards the doorway, he nearly collided with his sister. "Jeanne-Marie!" he exclaimed.
"Mon frere," she said, pulling him into a hug. "I know that you want to be alone. And I know you do not want to hear any more of me screaming and crying. So I just decided to come up here to see if I can comfort you, Jean-Paul."
Northstar raised his eyebrows. Jeanne-Marie was remarkably calm, her voice soft and steady. She did not look as if she had spent the last several hours throwing a fit. Instead, she looked composed and serene. Unbeknownst to Northstar, Jeanne-Marie had spent the last several hours in the greenhouse with Panda, and Panda had succeeded in her mission to pacify Jeanne-Marie.
Jean-Paul hesitantly returned the hug. Jeanne-Marie pulled him close as soon as he allowed it. "Do not pull away from me, mon frere. You know it is alright for us to embrace, oui? I will not get this disease from hugging you."
"You are right, ma soeur." He allowed himself to relax into the hug though, for once, he felt a twinge of nervousness around his sister.
"Were you getting ready to leave the sick bay?" she asked after they'd held each other for a long while.
"Yes. I've spent all day in here and I am tired of hiding. No sense in doing it. I'm not under quarantine and I cannot exile myself in here for the rest of our journey." He then broke off, remembering for the first time since his diagnosis that morning, the predicament that the X-men were in. No one knew what would befall them when they reached this planet and whether or not they would succeed in their mission to acquire more dilithium. And if they did not succeed….it was terrifying to contemplate. No one knew what would happen next. `It's alright,' he told himself. `We've all gotten out of worse scenarios before. We'll make it.
"I agree that you should not feel like you need to hide. Not among the X-men." She paused, and then added, with a touch of passion in her voice, "They are now our family."
Northstar was slightly taken aback by Jeanne-Marie's statement. During all the time she'd lived with the X-men, she tended to withdraw from the group and had very few friends. Oftentimes the women all got together for healing ceremonies (what specifically they did during these "healing ceremonies" Jean-Paul had no idea.) Jeanne-Marie was always invited but she declined every time. Jean-Paul surmised that he was the only one his sister really confided in, though she also spent time with Bobby and Shaman----Bobby because he was Northstar's partner and Shaman perhaps out of sentimentality for their old Alpha Flight days.
"Do you really think that?" he asked Jeanne-Marie, his eyes wide.
Jeanne-Marie shrugged. "We have no other family now. And we cannot get by without the X-men. I do not want to get attached to anyone else again but I cannot deny that the X-men are the only home we have. So I think there should be no secrets from them."
"You mean….you mean I should tell them about my diagnosis?"
"How can you not? I think, mon frere, that with the way word travels around this ship, everyone must know by now. At the very least they must know something is wrong."
Northstar contorted his face. "I do not like sharing my personal life with those of whom it is none of their business. And this is personal."
"Ah, but I would say that it **is** their business, or it will be very soon. They are all crazy about Bobby, you know that, ---surely they can see the pain he is in and they are going to want to help him." She paused. "They care about you and I as well, I think."
Northstar nodded. He then, on impulse, reached for Jeanne-Marie again for a hug. This embrace was brief. "You and I have truly grown up, ma soeur."
Jeanne-Marie nodded, knowing his thoughts were exactly the same place as hers. "They would be truly shocked at how calmly we are handling this," she said. The "they" she referred to was their parents. Knowing that her brother's thoughts were in the same place as hers, she did not need to specify that. "We are not throwing fits or carrying on. They would be very impressed." Jeanne-Marie then forced a smile and added, "What has the world come to? Half of our old Alpha Flight teammates would be shocked as well."
Jean-Paul winced again. Seeing the look on her brother's face, Jeanne-Marie asked, "What is it?"
He shook his head. "More memories of people we loved and have lost. Our parents. Alpha Flight. More painful memories. Jeanne-Marie, I do not know if I can handle all this!"
Jeanne-Marie nodded, knowing that if Northstar were to die, she would be the one facing the harder struggle ahead. She shook that thought from her mind, reached for her brother's arm and patted it. "We must handle it," she insisted. She then realized that the arm she touched was his artificial arm. The FOH had tortured Alpha Flight when they held them captive and had, at one point, chopped an arm off Northstar. The Endarians later performed an operation on Northstar to replace the arm. He now had two arms that looked, felt, and worked alike; Northstar generally never even thought of it.
Neither did Jeanne-Marie, but her eyes widened at a realization. "The Endarians! Mon frere, there is hope indeed! They have science and powers beyond those on earth. I think they can cure you. I am sure they could! We will find a way to get them to agree to this."
The idea had crossed Northstar's mind before. But there were a lot of "if's" involved…..if they even reached An'zhina, if they could get Queen Marina to agree. Jean-Paul knew that life came with few guarantees, and they simply could not bank on this.
"Come," Northstar said, holding his sister's hand in his. "Let us go find Bobby. I do want to tell the others about my diagnosis but I want to discuss this with Bobby first. He is part of the family and we must involve him too."
The twins consulted a schedule and saw that Bobby was supposed to be on bridge duty at this time. However when they reached the bridge, they saw Jubilee –not Bobby---in the Captain's chair.
"I offered to take over his shift," Jubilee answered, when asked Bobby's whereabouts. She lowered her eyes, "I, uh, got the idea that there was something really bothering him so I said I could take on another shift."
"That was very nice of you, Jubilee,' Jeanne-Marie said, sounding stiffly formal.
'She always sounds so distant,' Jubilee thought in regards to Jeanne-Marie. `She's been with the X-men for a while now but she might as well be halfway across the galaxy.' Jubilee then spoke up and asked, "Is everything alright?"
Jeanne-Marie replied "Yes" at the same time her brother replied "No." They awkwardly turned towards each other, mutually surprised at their miscue. Jean-Paul then smiled sheepishly and said, "We will tell you more later, petit'. Do you know where Bobby is?"
"Probably engineering," Jubilee answered. She then added, "And please don't call me `petit', okay? I'm like 23 years old now." It was bad enough when the X-men who had known her since she was a teenager did that. But these two hadn't known her so long….from where had they picked up the idea that she was a kid?? And Jubilee was never keen on being told, `We'll tell you later,' either.
Northstar apologized and the twins left for engineering, in search of Bobby. They reached the room and found it empty. Jean-Paul and Jeanne-Marie then retraced their steps towards the mess hall, to find almost everyone sitting down to dinner.
`Ah, yes. Food. I forgot about eating today,' Jeanne-Marie thought to herself.
As the twins entered the large room, Jeanne-Marie noticed conversation dying down and many turning their heads to observe their entrance. Jean-Paul, however, sought out only one thing with his eyes----Bobby.
**************
TO BE CONTINUED…..
Please let me know what you think….am I on the right track? So far so good? Please post reviews to fanfiction.net or send me an email at stormkpr@usa.net
And finally, as I mentioned above, a cast of characters list and a brief synopsis of my first two fics:
Cast of Characters
X-men: Storm, Cyclops, Professor X, Jean Grey, Wolverine, Jubilee, Gambit, Rogue, Beast, Iceman, Nightcrawler, Angel, Banshee, Northstar, Shaman, Aurora Borealis, Cannonball, Moonstar, Wraith, Panda.
All of these characters are based off of the characters on the original X-men animated series – with the exception of those characters who did not appear on the show (duh) and Bobby. I basically changed Bobby's personality and history from the one episode of the show he was in, making him more likeable (hopefully). I also borrowed a few characters from the comics (Wraith/Hector Rendoza and Dani Moonstar), and played with their personalities a bit too. Alpha Flight fans, please don't be too angry but I changed quite a bit of the history of the three former Alphans in this story-- Northstar, Aurora Borealis and Shaman. (For example, in the history given in my fic, Northstar and Aurora grew up together; in the AF comics, they did not.)Children: Charlotte (age 2 when the story opens) and her brother Christopher (age 9 months) – the children of Jean and Scott; and Rory (AKA Aurora, age 2 years, 3 months) – Jubilee's daughter.
Others: Mark Burroughs, a former Friends of Humanity soldier; former X-men Psylocke and Marrow; the ruler of Endaria, Queen Marina; Banshee's wife Moira MacTaggert; and several members of Jean Grey's family (her parents John and Elaine, sister Sara, niece Gail and nephew Joe.)
Synopsis of "X-men: Friends of Humanity" and "Freedom"
Summarizing these two stories is no easy task, considering that together they take up 840 pages in Word, so I will provide only highlights of the major points:
1. Bobby Drake returns to the X-men after a long absence. He narrates part of the story, trading off with a third-person omniscient narrator.
2. Friends of Humanity (FOH) has basically taken over earth—they've won the media, public opinion and governments of most nations on the planet.
3. FOH captures and tortures the X-men, transporting them into space. The X-men free themselves and take over the starship, which they rename Freedom.
4. After quite a bit of time in space, the X-men encounter a friendly and highly advanced race known as the Endarians. Their leader, Queen Marina, gives the X-men a moon to live on and use as their base. The moon is named An'zhina.
5. The X-men travel to and from earth in an attempt to rescue mutants from concentration camps run by FOH.
6. When "The Heavens Open" begins, the X-men are returning from a mission to earth where Jean used her powers to convince FOH not to unleash a virus designed to kill all mutants.
The interactions of the characters are the heart and soul of this series. Again, a very brief run-down of some of the personal matters that occurred within the past few years:
1. As you can tell from the cast of characters list, Jean and Scott now have two children.
2. Storm and Wolverine are now attempting a go at a "real" relationship. Over the years, they've gone from being just friends, to two friends who sleep together, to completely ending their sexual relationship (and nearly ending their friendship), and now to admitting their love for each other.
3. Jubilee gave birth to a daughter, sired by one of the FOH soldiers who tortured her. She has grown up quite a bit during the past few years and is now 23 years old.
4. Professor X has had to deal with the fact that his dream of seeing mutants and humans live in peace together is dying, and to deal with compromising his standards (i.e. allowing mind control to be used to prevent a greater evil on earth.)
5. Rogue and Gambit are married, both having long overcome their fear of getting close. Through intense sessions with Xavier, examining her past, Rogue has now learned how to control her powers and is able to touch people at will without absorbing their memories or harming them.
6. Bobby has spent most of his life trying to accept himself and deal with the fact that he is gay. He's finally reached a level of self-confidence and he's found love with former Alpha Flight member Northstar. This older Northstar is not quite as brash and arrogant as he was during his AF days.
7. Hank McCoy is another X-man who has found love and gotten married, to a younger woman named Jessica Martin. Everyone refers to Jessica as "Panda", because of her mutation.
8. The X-men have a few new members---Cannonball (Sam Guthrie), the creative and outspoken Dani Moonstar, and the young Hector Rendoza (Wraith) who's mutation involves see-through skin. However, most of the mutants that the X-men rescued from the clutches of FOH live on An'zhina and have elected not to lead the life of an X-man.
9. Psylocke and Marrow left the X-men to form a group called the Pirates. The Pirates sail through space in a vessel stolen from FOH and their only goal is to capture and torture FOH soldiers.