Thanks for the first reviews for this fic. I didn't think anyone would read it...most people don't like random LotR fics.

Aragorn: I don't see why...you're a good writer!!!

Legolas: And funny too!!!

Merry: But you DO enjoy torturing us! But then again...you do pay us to do the stuff...so otherwise you're cool!!!

Why thank you. (Exert from authoresses mind: My favorite people just complimented me...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH) Anyway...here's the second chapter.

Pippin: What?!? There's more...TURKEYS!!! NOOOOOOOOO...I WON'T DO IT...YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!

in a singsong voice TURKEYS...TURKEYS...BRINGIN' ON THE TURKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYS!!!

As soon as Gimli and Gandalf mentioned the Turkeys, Pippin went wild.

"See...see...I TOLD you the Turkeys were coming!!! And did you believe me? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! And WHY? Because you NEVER believe me. I hope you all have learned that you should believe me when I say that wild animals are attacking in an attempt to destroy all that's good and green and whatever stuff they say when the world is DOOMED...DOOOOOMED I TELL YOU...DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!"

Everyone was staring at Pippin with their mouths wide open in shock.

"What?"

Everyone was still staring. Soon Frodo managed to get over the shock of Pippin's 'moment'.

"Um...right! So...what exactly is the deal with these...um...turkeys anyway?"

Everyone looked at Pippin.

"Don't look at me...I know nothing about these things!"

Everyone groaned. Go figure...he never knew anything. His head was full of hot air.

"But you just said...nevermind!" stammered Legolas

"Bloody useless you ARE!" said Aragorn.

Everyone then looked at Gimli and Gandalf.

"They just want to take over the world...you know...like Sauron tried to do but never accomplished thanks to us."

Everyone nodded. Aragorn pushed himself to his feet and walked out of the room. Everyone followed him outside. Aragorn looked over the balcony and cried, "OH Valor!"

There was a stampede over to the side. Flocked down below were thousands of Turkeys.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAH!"

Pippin and Gimli were screaming bloody murder again and Gandalf had a look of utter horror on his face.

"Pippin...Gimli...Pip...G...FOR THE LOVE OF VALOR WILL YOU TWO PUT A CORK IN IT!" screamed Legolas.

The two shut up, blinking at Legolas in surprise. Even Aragorn, who had known Legolas for the longest time, was shocked at his outburst. Even the Turkeys, who had been gobbling up a storm, had fallen silent.

"Sorry Legolas!"

"That's OK."

Everyone went back over to the side of the balcony. The Turkeys were staring at them with red eyes. It was pretty freaky. And just as the staring contest was going underway, the group got the biggest shock of their lives.

"Alright, here's the deal people...you let us rule the world...and we just might let you leave here alive."

Everyone's jaw dropped. Legolas turned to Pippin and Gimli.

"Ok...now you can scream."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Frodo turned to everyone else.

"Okay...did everyone just see that?"

Aragorn's eyes widened.

"YOU CAN TALK? TURKEYS CAN'T TALK"

The man stopped to consider this.

"Can they?"

Frodo and Sam shrugged, Gandalf tried to think, Legolas shook his head, and Pippin and Gimli continued to shriek their heads off. The Turkeys were getting annoyed.

"WILL THE TWO BUMBLING IDIOTS UP THERE PLEASE STOP SCREAMING...WE'RE GETTING MAJOR HEADACHES DOWN HERE!"

Sam nodded, rubbing his head. Legolas shook his head again.

"Must...get...ringing...out...ears...OUCH!"

The Turkey leaders' words, meanwhile, had just registered into Pippin's brain.

"HEY...who's he calling a Bumbling Idiot?"

Everyone stared at him.

"Isn't it obvious, Pip?" said Merry.

Down below, the Wild Turkeys were getting impatient. Finally, they could take it no longer.

"That's it...we're coming up and taking over this city!"

Everyone raced inside and grabbed whatever random weapon they found. Legolas had his bow and arrows, Aragorn his sword, Gimli his axes, Gandalf his staff and his sword, and the Hobbits found themselves some smaller swords to use.

The other Gondorian soldiers had gathered outside the castle waiting to receive directions from Aragorn.

"Just go...kill them or something."

They were the oddest directions ever, but they went to do it anyway. A few minutes later, all of them came running back screaming. There was a frantic stampede into the castle to hide. Faramir came running up to them.

"You're on your own with this one!"

Then he disappeared into the palace.

"You know what...I think I'll join them!" stammered Pippin, trying to slink away. Sam grabbed hold of his shirt collar.

"Oh no you don't!"

Aragorn and Legolas looked at each other in shock.

"I don't get it!" muttered Aragorn. "We've battled Orcs, Urik-Hai, even Sauron himself...yet we can't even handle a bunch of birds?!?"

Gandalf heard the comment and spoke up.

"These aren't normal birds!"

But before he could explain further, millions of Turkeys flooded up the stairs towards them.

Aragorn managed to behead a few before he was buried under a tidal wave of feathers and sharp pointy beaks.

"YOW...watch the beaks...they hurt!"

Legolas was shooting bird after bird after bird after...

"OH VALOR...?"

That had to be the BIGGIST turkey anyone had ever seen. It was about the same size as a horse (which is pretty big) or maybe even bigger.

"DEATH TO ALL WHO OPPOPSE ME!"

Everyone looked at each other.

"Opposing you...who's opposing you?" stammered Frodo, his voice becoming high and squeaky. "Is anyone opposing him?"

Everyone fearfully shock their heads. Pippin made a cross with his fingers and Gimli cowered behind Gandalf's legs.

"See...no-one's opposing you...I'm really scared now!"

The giant turkey seemed to get even bigger if that was even possible...wait a minute...it was

"Turkeys...ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

Everyone screamed, turned tail, and ran for their lives.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAH!"

Aragorn and Legolas were hiding behind a marble statue of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well...actually, Aragorn was hiding behind the marble statue of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Legolas was hiding behind a nearby statue of Brad Pitt. (Random girls who are not in the scene drool all over the carpet)

"Brave King of Gondor huh?"

"Hey...I'm not the only one here screaming like a girl!"

"Good point...Pippin's doing enough for all of us."

Both look at Pippin, who is running around in circles screaming and flapping his arms in sheer panic.

"You know...that is the most pathetic sight I've ever seen!" said Legolas.

"Yup!" agreed Aragorn. "Shall we join him?"

"Let's!"

(A few minutes later)

Aragorn, Legolas, and Pippin are all running around in circles screaming and flapping their arms in sheer panic.

Gandalf has taken the hiding spot behind the Arnold Schwarzenegger statue. Frodo and Merry have taken refuge in the stables. Sam had thrown himself from the roof and was hanging over the side of the balcony. Gimli was sitting in a corner, covered in a Gondorian Flag. The Turkeys were running amok, terrorizing people and using the bronze statue of George W. Bush as target practice. I'm what some people consider a Bush Basher What possessed Aragorn or whichever king at the time to buy a Bronze, George W. Bush statue...we will never know.

The Turkey king (We shall call him Sheldon) was watching the scene before him.

"Pathetic souls!" he muttered to himself. "They do not deserve to live!"

One of his Turkey henchmen-things came up to him.

"But without them...the story would have no moral meaning!"

Sheldon grabbed the Turkey henchmen-thing by the red, scrawny thing Turkey's call necks and hurled him over the wall. Everyone stopped as they heard his never ending scream as he plummeted to his death (And at picturing the sight, I proceeded to laugh my head off)

"WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE STORIES MORAL MEANING?!? MORAL MEANING MEANS NOTHING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC!"

What he knows about the General Public and how we think, I have no idea. Is he a politician? Is he an American Citizen? Does he have the right to vote for the next American President? Is he a corrupt Cabinet member like everybody else who works up there in those high paying jobs while people who have kids to feed are stuck working for people who give them wages that equal to what a paperboy gets? DOES HE HAVE A STRONG GERMAN/ROMANIAN ACCENT THAT MAKES HIM A DISTINGUISHED PERSON? DOES HE WALK ON TWO LEGS AND GOES TO THE LOCAL MCDONALDS TO PIG OUT AND BECOME THE FAT, INCENTIVE FIENDISH [exploit deleted] THAT HE IS? DOES HE HAVE A BLOODY BANKING ACCOUNT? (gasps for breath) Sorry...lost my mind of focus there. But I'm back!!! When I have something going I tend to rant on and on about it. Back to the story.

Sheldon looked around at the stunned faces from both Fellowship and Turkey henchmen-things.

"What?"

Frodo coughed, Gimli covered his face again, Gandalf peeked out from behind the statue, and Legolas, Aragorn, and Pippin had frozen in the act of screaming.

"Um...you just threw a guy over the wall!" said Aragorn.

Sheldon shrugged.

"You wanna go over too?"

"Nope...I'm cool!"

"Good...now continue your fear!"

All of them gave shaky salutes! And then...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAH!"

"SAVE ME MOMMY!"

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

"I KNEW WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE SHIRE!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

At least 10 Turkeys were pecking Gimli viciously under the flag. 5 had chased Gandalf out from behind the statue. The Stable was bouncing around as Frodo and Merry destroyed everything trying to escape some especially vicious Turkeys. Aragorn had managed to pull Sam up to the balcony and resulted in having the two of them chased around by Turkeys waving spears. Other Turkeys had managed to break down the Palace doors and now millions of Guards and other Soldiers were running around screaming in attempts to escape the Turkeys.

Sheldon sighed as he settled back to watch.

"I'm going to enjoy taking over the world!"

Bloody Akiko Nagi the Insane- I'm glad you like it!

Retrokitten87- Random and Insane are my specialties.

Hanna M. - Set after the War of the Ring...and long before Frodo goes to the Grey Havens...I think!

Lomiothiel- LOL! The beginning reminded you of Jackass...I take that as a compliment!!! Thank you!!!

Kelsey- A prophesy of doom?!?!?! I like doom...doom is good!!!

Im A Brandybuck- YAY!!! I got a review from you!!!

I shall update...in a week...or a few days...or whenever I come up with a good idea for the next chapter!!! But on a brighter note...I'M OUT OF SCHOOL!!! YA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Pinch me...I'm dreaming!!!

Pippin pinches her

YOW!!! What was that for?

Pippin: You said Pinch Me!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...SHINJIMAE BAKA YAROU!!! (Go to hell, stupid bastard)

See ya soon people!!! And if any of you have cable...watch 'Salem's Lot' on TNT this Sunday at 8pm. And get scared out of your minds...Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!