THE HEAVENS OPEN
by Stormkeeper
CHAPTER FOUR
*****************
"Daddy's jealous."
Young Charlotte stated the words as if fact. Scott Summers turned towards his daughter, perplexed.
"What did you say, sweetie?" he asked quietly. The two, along with baby brother Christopher, were playing together in the mess hall (which still doubled as the crew's rec room). A few others were idling around the room as well; Wolverine played with Jubilee's daughter not far from them. Scott kept his voice's tone low, hoping Charlotte would follow his lead when she replied. He really didn't want Wolverine, or anyone else in the room, privy to Charlotte's unadulterated thoughts on his current emotional state.
Charlotte repeated, "Daddy jealous. Jealous of Mommy. Why?"
Struck by the mixture of innocence and wisdom in his daughter's voice, Scott was rendered speechless for a moment. Charlotte truly felt curious; she just wanted to understand the reason for Scott's emotion. The trouble was, Scott had not been aware of the fact that he was jealous.
He scratched his head and thought about it. Jealous….of Jean? Why in the world would Charlotte think a crazy idea like that? The child had to be wrong. After all, Charlotte was still very young and had obviously not experienced any formal training.
But Scott decided it couldn't hurt to at least consider her words. The Professor had once suggested it-----that when Scott found himself angry or defensive at something someone said to contemplate whether there might be a grain of truth in it, whether it might be something he did not wish to face. Besides, Charlotte had never before been wrong.
So he thought about it. Jean was, right now, off with most of the other women (except Jeanne-Marie Beaubier) having another healing ceremony inside Storm's quarters. Scott still didn't understand why Charlotte thought he was jealous of her; he certainly wouldn't begrudge Jean time with her friends. Jean had always maintained that time with her girlfriends was important and Scott said he understood.
Her friends.
Maybe that was it, Scott realized. Jean had friends outside of their relationship. The more Scott thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't really have any.
Of course there were those whom he hung out with, such as Hank McCoy and Warren Worthington. And Kurt sometimes, too. Scott wouldn't have hesitated to call them friends of his, but he also realized that he wouldn't exactly feel comfortable confiding deep secrets in them or asking them for advice on non-X-men related matters, either. He certainly couldn't see himself sitting on the floor of someone's room with them, burning candles and discussing their feelings about something as Jean was certainly doing with the other women right now.
The women just had it easier, Scott thought. They never had to put up any macho pretense. They all seemed to bond really easily and accept newcomers into their group too. Panda and Moonstar had both been welcomed with open arms. Jeanne-Marie chose not to partake in their healing ceremonies—or any other "girls' nights out" on An'zhina---but she was always invited. The women just didn't seem to have any trouble opening up with each other.
So was that it, he wondered? Were men just genetically programmed to have a harder time with friendship? Scott then watched, out of the corner of his eye, Wolverine playing with Jubilee's kid. Gambit had joined him, they were now conversing, and the two men seemed comfortable together. Plus he knew that Wolverine definitely considered Hank a good friend too. And Gambit was often hanging out with Bobby and Hank; he seemed close with them. And, of course, Hank and Bobby were great friends too.
So there **were** guys who seemed to have real friendships. Scott now truly experienced the pangs of jealousy inside himself. He wasn't close to any of the guys like that. 'I've made too many enemies over the years,' he thought. `Logan and I tolerate each other now---even respect each other---but it's too much of a stretch to call it a friendship.' Scott and Remy had stopped antagonizing each other a while ago (partly due to the pleas of Jean and Rogue), and maintained a cool distance. `And I always kept Bobby at arms' length,' he added, mentally.
`I have to admit that in the last few years, it's maybe even gotten worse,' Scott thought. `All my energy and time has been on Jean and the kids.' Even during the time he spent on An'zhina, mentoring and training the rescued mutants, Scott had served as more of a trainer or Uncle-figure to them than a friend. It was the same with the former FOH soldier, Mark. Scott spent time with him, but was Mark truly a friend?
He shook his head. `No wonder I always feared what I'd do if Jean ever left me. No wonder I lost my mind for a bit when she was gone during the Phoenix saga. She's all I got. She's the only person I open up to.'
Scott looked at Charlotte and saw her smiling at him. He was glad that a problem had been identified, but he had no idea how to solve it. Suddenly, he looked at his watch. It was time for his bridge duty shift.
With Jean still in the ceremony, Scott would need someone to look after the kids. He rose and walked over to Wolverine.
"Excuse me, Logan. Would you mind keeping an eye on Charlotte and Chris? I have my bridge duty shift now and Jean's not back from that ceremony."
"Sure, Cyke," he replied, not really even looking at him. But he was great with their kids.
For an instant, looking at Wolverine, Scott's mind flashed back to a few years ago. The setting was this very ship, before it had been re-christened 'Freedom', back when it had belonged to the FOH. Scott remembered those excruciating days, sitting on the floor of the prison cell with the other men, collars around their necks as the soldiers repeatedly raped the X-women. Scott had vomited up any of the food he'd attempted to get down. He remembered Logan sitting next to him, encouraging him to eat. "Keep it together, old pal," Wolverine had said. "You gotta be there for her when we get outta this." There had been something in Logan's voice…something. Maybe a recognition that they were both in mental agony together, maybe something that denoted camaraderie. But it wasn't really friendship either.
As Scott walked towards the bridge, he tried to think of solutions. `Maybe Jean and I should invite Hank and Panda over for dinner in our quarters,' he thought. `It would be a chance for us to talk more. In fact, I bet when their baby's born, we'll get even closer, especially since we'll have sons close in age.'
He stopped himself. `But aren't I supposed to be thinking of ways for me to get to know people **without** Jean?' Because that obviously wouldn't do the trick. Somehow, though, it just seemed that it would be so much easier with Jean and Panda there. Scott wished he could speak with the Professor about this, and resolved to do so when they returned to An'zhina. This topic would make Scott a little uncomfortable but he could ask Xavier his thoughts on it. Making friends had never been a specialty of Scott Summers.
When Scott entered the bridge, he found there someone else who was not skilled at friendship. Northstar.
"Hi," Scott said.
"Hello," Northstar said, swiveling around in his chair and looking surprised at Scott's entry of the bridge. "Is anything wrong?"
"No. I'm here to relieve you of your shift."
Northstar looked at his timepiece. "You are early."
"No, I'm…." Cyclops stopped himself as he looked at his watch. He was **one hour** early. How in the world had he allowed himself to get so distracted and make a mistake like that?? He had a good guess. "Oh. I see I mis-read the time." He shook his head. "My mistake."
Scott turned to leave the bridge but hesitated. He didn't want to go back to Wolverine to retrieve the kids and admit he'd made a mistake about the time. But there was really nothing else to do; he couldn't exactly hide out in his room or somewhere else for an hour.
"Do you mind if I stay here and run a few diagnostics on the equipment?" he asked Northstar.
"Be my guest." Northstar wanted to add that during his boredom on the bridge, he'd actually checked through the logs and found that all the major pieces of equipment on the bridge had been scanned within the last week. There was no need to test them again anytime soon. `But I'll let Mr. Anal-Retentive do it anyway,' he smirked.
Scott sat down at the chair next to Northstar's and began punching buttons to run the diagnostics. Northstar silently chastised himself for his thoughts about Scott. During the last few days, he'd noticed himself on a kick to try to see the best in people and stop mentally ripping on them as he frequently did with some of his fellow X-men. He suspected this shift in mindset had something to do with his recent diagnosis. More than once he'd pictured his funeral. He didn't want it filled with people who had nothing kind to say about the deceased, with people who were only attending because of their love for Bobby.
"Jean was telling me that we decided to celebrate Christmas back on An'zhina, for the kids' sake," Jean-Paul said.
"Yes," Scott said, looking up from the keyboard and offering a brief smile. "Christmas is so important for them. With the way we live, I think we tend to forget about things like that, but Charlotte, Chris and Rory deserve better. Even if it means all the gifts will be replicated."
"At least we will not have shopping malls to contend with," Northstar said. "Of course, it is sad that the real meaning of Christmas gets covered up by the all the materialism." He said the last sentence wistfully; he had not intended to come off as self-righteous and he did not.
His words gave Scott pause, and he looked up from his work at Northstar. "I totally agree. Jean and I talk to the children about God, about Jesus and we want to raise them as Christians, since that's what we are."
Northstar nodded. "I am too." He then specified, "Catholic." Noting the look on Scott's face, he commented, "You seem surprised." This time, Northstar did come off sounding a bit harsh.
Scott shrugged. "I am, but just because it seems there are so many agnostics and atheists and pagans---or whatever you call what Storm is--- around here, that there aren't too many other Christians."
Northstar nodded. "I think that is true, sadly. So many have had such rough lives that they doubt there is a God. And maybe those of us who are Christian are not the type to go beating it over people's heads. But I believe in it. I had Joanne baptized before she died."
"Joanne?" Scott asked. He then said, "Oh. Is she—was she---the baby you adopted?"
"Yes. My little baby who is in heaven now."
"Would you tell me about her?" Scott truly didn't know the story. He'd heard of Joanne a few times but knew nothing of how Northstar came to adopt her, her brief life and death. He found himself intrigued with the idea that Northstar was once a parent.
Northstar and Cyclops sat together for the full hour before Cyclops's shift was to start. They talked the entire time, not just about Joanne but also about other things. When Northstar left the bridge, Scott realized this really was the first time he'd sat down with the man and had a conversation with him.
He couldn't explain why, but he greatly looked forward to telling Jean about this.
*****************
Dani Moonstar had felt some trepidation, heading into a "healing ceremony." But Storm just smiled and reassured her that although they continued to use that title, in all probability little or no discussion of "what happened with FOH" (as many of them continued to refer to it) would actually take place.
"Yeah, don't worry," Jubilee had added, taking Dani's arm and leading her towards the room. "It's more of a Gossip Ceremony or Sex Discussion Ceremony than anything else."
Dani smiled broadly, her face reddening a bit, and walked with them to the room. She loved ceremonies. She held her trusty flute under one arm.
"Now, now, Jubilee," Storm said, sounding like the older mentor that she was, "for years, when women came together and talked, it was dismissed as mere gossip. But there is power to it." Storm held a bag full of white and blue candles in her arms.
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Jubilee said. "I was only joking. But you gotta admit that we do talk about sex a lot too. I'm glad we decided to leave the kids with someone else."
"Soon they might be old enough to participate in the ceremony," Dani offered.
Jubilee shook her head. "Just wait and see the kinds of discussions that happen here."
The group of six were soon sitting in a circle on the floor of Storm's room. Storm, Rogue, Jean, Jubilee, Panda, and Dani were all there; as every time, Jeanne-Marie declined the invitation. To give them more space, the bed had been propped up against a wall. Panda sat upon several cushions. Although her pregnancy had been a breeze so far, the cushions would help her when she rose from the floor.
Once the lights were dimmed and candles lit, Moonstar and Storm opened the ceremony by playing a song. Dani sang, and Storm accompanied her on flute. The music easily transported the women to another place.
"Let us each take a few deep breaths," Storm's mellow, regal voice spoke once the song was finished. "And then let us each silently thank the Goddess—or whatever Divine Power we worship----for bringing us together tonight. For making it possible for us to have this time together to reflect." She paused for several moments. She then spoke again, "And now let us ask whatever Universal Spirit we believe in to be here with us, during this ritual. We ask that we be listened to."
After another moment of silence, Storm opened her eyes and smiled. "We are in the presence of the Divine. Let us each speak our minds. Ask for something, if you wish."
Rogue decided to speak first. Although still slightly uncomfortable with these ceremonies, she had a wish. "I ask that I be able to conceive soon, and that nine months later, Remy and I be blessed with a healthy baby."
A few gasps were heard and all eyes turned to Rogue. She smiled, unable to contain her jubilation. "We made the decision," she explained. "We decided to start tryin' to have a baby."
"Oh, that's wonderful!" Jean exclaimed. The others voiced similar thoughts; a few reached over and hugged Rogue. She gladly returned their well-wishes.
When the clamor over Rogue's news died down, Panda spoke up. "I wish for the rest of my pregnancy to go as well as it has been." Although she and Hank were both agnostics, she still gained something from these rituals and enjoyed them.
"I wish that Northstar somehow be healed soon," Jean said.
"Amen," Rogue added, and everyone else murmured something to that effect as well.
They hadn't intended it to happen, but so far they had been speaking in the order they sat---which meant that Dani was next. She bit her lip and Jean detected a bit of a blush on the young woman's face. She simply looked down and said, "I wish for love."
Jubilee sat on Dani's other side and said, "Ditto." She tilted her head up, as if towards the heavens. "Please send me a boyfriend, like pronto. I've like waited so long." She then quickly added, "And not a loser like Lisman," referring to the mutant on An'zhina whom she'd dated for several weeks before he'd dumped her in favor of Banshee's daughter, Siryn.
Storm said, "I wish for the X-men to make a real difference in the lives of mutants on earth. I hope we can soon return to our home planet and make things better."
Storm's wish was seconded by everyone. The women continued on talking for quite some time. They each named something that they were grateful for as well. When they deemed the time right, they concluded the ceremony. Moonstar ended it by performing a solo on her flute.
"You and Storm both do such a great job playing flute," Jubilee said to Dani as the two walked down the hall, leaving Storm's room.
Dani patted the flute case affectionately. "It's fun to play. And it's easier to learn than you think." She paused, gulped inwardly, and then got up her nerve. "You want me to teach you?"
"Sure!" Jubilee said. She wanted to learn; this would be something new for her and she was ready to try something new. "I'd love it." She balked for a second. "But you gotta bear with me. I never played an instrument before."
"Piece of cake. I'll have you playing songs in no time."
Jubilee moved in closer to Dani and spoke in a near whisper. "Can you believe the news about Rogue and Gambit? Trying to have a baby. It's so cool!"
"I think it's wonderful. I'm excited for them."
"I almost got teary at the news. See, I've known Rogue and Gambit for like ever. I love how….how both of them have come so far."
*****************
During our journey back to An'zhina, I sometimes managed to forget my own personal misery, at least for stretches at a time. I managed to forget the fact that the man I love had HIV.
You know, looking at what I just wrote, I'm actually being kinda melodramatic here. While I can't say things were back to "normal" with Jean-Paul and I, things **were** sort of ok after that first time we made love in his room. I just tried to follow whatever mood he was in. We often went for long stretches at a time without talking about his diagnosis. He told me one day he didn't want to talk about it, and so we didn't for quite some time---not until he himself brought it up several days later. Sometimes he wanted me closer and consented to us sleeping in the same bed; other times, he said he needed some space. I respected that. We made love on occasion too, though cautiously---always very cautiously---and not as frequently as we used to, either.
If Jean-Paul and I seemed rather calm about the whole HIV diagnosis, sometimes it seemed that Jeanne-Marie was doing enough emoting for all three of us. She obviously was devastated, and we both spent a lot of time consoling her. I was glad to be included in this; the three of us functioned as a family. I'd been a bit worried that the twins might shut me out. And I was learning to deal with Jeanne-Marie's emotional rollercoaster. Her emotions were perpetually tempestuous----understandable, when you think about everything she's been through in life---and we did our best to help her.
One day I sat in our combination dining hall/rec room. Jubes and I were playing with Rory and Charlotte. Gambit and Wolverine sat at a nearby table eating their lunches late (most everyone else was already finished, but I think those two had been beating each other up during a Danger Room session that ran late.) Cyclops entered the room and sat down at the table with them.
Out of the corner of my eye, I observed their table. It was interesting. Cyke went over to Remy and Wolverine and like tried to engage in friendly banter with them. At least, that's what I think he was doing. I can't say he was a smash success with it.
But Cyclops did ask them something. He asked if, when they got back to An'zhina, they would help him build a playset for the kids. "I had something in mind that had swings and a slide….maybe also with a little play area, like a tree house inside it as well." He then paused and said, "Are you guys interested in helping me with this?"
"Glad to," Wolverine said. As always, he didn't sound terribly enthusiastic but I could tell he was sincere. Plus he loved the kids and loved making things for them; everyone knew that.
"What about you, Gambit?" Cyke asked. "You know, you might be a father someday too."
Gambit smiled. "How did you know, Cyke? Rogue an' I be tryin' already to have a kid."
"Is that so?" Cyke asked. He then went on….wishing them luck, saying he was happy for them, happy that Charlotte and Chris would have more playmates, etc, etc. I kinda got the idea, though, that he already knew that Rogue and Gambit were trying to get pregnant. (I knew already. Remy had told me a few days ago.)
Somewhere along the way, Cyclops asked Wolverine, "What about you and Storm? Do you think you might have kids someday?"
Wolverine's reply was, as always, short and to the point. "I don't think so."
I didn't think they'd have kids either. As far as I could tell, Storm was probably getting past the age where a woman normally bears a child. There were whispers, too, that she was infertile. Not that it mattered much, at least not to me. And I bet it didn't matter to Wolverine much either.
By the way, my feelings were not at all hurt that Cyclops didn't ask me for my help with the playset, even though I was sitting right there. (See the sarcasm?) I mean, sheesh, I know I'm no good at that kinda stuff, but he could've at least asked. I later learned from Hank that Cyke had enlisted his help on the project too. (Which certainly made sense since Hank was going to be a Daddy too, though Hank had said he would need to postpone helping Scott because of all the HIV research he was doing.) Maybe Cyke thinks that gay men are just completely incapable of or uninterested in constructing children's swingsets.
Jubilee went over to thank the guys for it, for their interest in building a playset for the kids. After Cyke left the room, Gambit and Wolverine exchanged a look but didn't say anything.
*****************
Professor Xavier's sleep was disturbed by a voice, another presence speaking to his mind. This was not a rare occurrence. More than once, his old friend Magnus had appeared to him and spoken with him in his mind.
The Professor did not have a rational explanation for Eric's occasional appearances. It was possible that these were just very lucid dreams. Or perhaps Charles's subconscious longed for his old friend and was somehow acting out dialogs he wished he were having. It was also possible that Magnus had a way to communicate from beyond the grave, though Charles knew this explanation was irrational. Still, he had no doubt that Eric **was** dead, and it was a fact that Magnus never had telepathic abilities during his lifetime.
But tonight, the voice inside his mind did not belong to Magneto. Someone else was contacting him.
//You know there are two Friends of Humanity starships outside of Endaria.//
//I know.// Xavier replied, now fully awake. He sat up in his bed and looked around the dark, empty room.
//I bet Queen Marina's furious. I hope she doesn't kick you out.//
//What is it that you want, Betsy?//
//Nothing.// Psylocke telepathically responded. // I just wanted to check in with you. I see that the X-men aren't back from their mission yet.//
//Do you have any news of them?//
//They're fine, Xavier. Last we saw them, they'd managed to lose all their dilithium. That FOH soldier they have with them managed to explode it all in engineering----"accidentally", of course. We gave them enough dilithium to get back to that moon with all the dilithium. Oh, and they signed an agreement with us----an agreement to not interfere us or with our activities. So that means no more forced beaming of us onto your ship again, Charles. As soon as we're within beaming range, I'll beam down a copy of the agreement for you to read.// A pause, and then Psylocke added, //You might see one or two fewer FOH ships outside though.//
//Betsy, please don't. So many people have died already. The world doesn't need any more bloodshed.//
To that, Betsy did not respond.
//Betsy// Charles began again, after a pause of a few moments. Communicating emotions via telepathy could be awkward. Betsy already had full purview of the contents of his mind, however, as he had of her mind. //I just wanted to let you know that I regret that our counseling sessions did not help you more.//
//Don't lose any sleep over it, Xavier. I've never felt better than I do now.//
And with that, Betsy threw up a telepathic shield and ended her side of the conversation.
Meanwhile, back on the bridge of the Vengeance, Marrow sat next to Psylocke and leaned forward when she saw that Psylocke was finished with her communications. "Well???" Marrow asked her. Marrow was attempting to mask her eagerness and doing a poor job of it, Betsy noted.
"Well, son of a bitch," Psylocke muttered, shaking her head. "Warren's got another girlfriend."
"What do you care?" Marrow asked.
"I don't," she shrugged. "I'm just curious is all. I don't miss him." Psylocke spoke the truth; she did not miss him. However, the two of them had been together for a long time and her curiosity could not help but to be piqued.
"What about the other X-men? Are they back yet?"
"No. Still not back yet." Psylocke smiled. On their way back to An'zhina, the Pirates had encountered an uninhabited planet with a copious supply of dilithium. She wondered what they might get from the X-men in exchange for the coordinates for this planet. "The group we rescued from FOH has arrived though," she added.
"So Moonstar's not there then," Marrow stated dejectedly, obviously more interested in Dani Moonstar than in the fate of the nine women they had rescued from FOH.
"No, Marrow, she's not. Like I said, Freedom isn't back on An'zhina yet."
Marrow slumped back into her seat and sighed. Psylocke continued, "There are two FOH vessels here though. Cloaked vessels, patrolling Endarian space."
Marrow sat back up. Her heart really started pumping. She now had something to make up for the disappointment of not being able to see Dani again. "Well, then what the hell are we waiting for? Let's go spill some FOH blood!"
*****************
"You wanna go back to studyin' karate with me?"
Wolverine made me this offer one day during our journey back to An'zhina and I eagerly accepted.
I really have to say, it was just what I needed. The mental discipline, the physical discipline, the concentration of the martial arts were perfect for getting my mind off of Jean-Paul's diagnosis. Years ago----not long after we first came to An'zhina, in fact----Wolverine set up lessons and trained Jubilee, Colossus and I in this. We kept it up for a while but somewhere along the way, we stopped training as a group. (Jubilee, I knew, kept on practicing on her own as I sometimes did.) That day, I was all too delighted to resume my training with Wolverine.
To be fair, Wolverine made the same offer to everyone over dinner. Jubilee said that she would also like to work with him again so she could move to the next level, and Dani Moonstar also asked to be included. So the four of us would work together for a few hours every day. Dani was at a beginner level, but the training Wolverine had given Jubes and I stayed with us; we were more advanced and able to help train Dani.
Storm would sometimes enter the gym as the four of us worked. I saw her out of the corner of my eye. (Just as Wolverine told me more than once, my focus and concentration needed to improve.) Storm would walk into the gym and lean against a wall as she gazed at us. Or rather, she gazed at Wolverine. He looked back at her too, with such a look of affection. You don't see that often from Wolverine but there it was.
I did wonder why Wolverine made the offer to train us. Part of me speculated….did he know that I needed something like this to keep me from obsessing over Jean-Paul's condition? But when my mind headed that way, I thought that I was flattering myself and surely Wolverine's world did not revolve around my needs.
But then, every now and then, I'd get an inkling that Wolverine was looking out for me and had my best interests in mind. After a session, we'd be packing our things into duffel bags and he'd come up beside me. "How you holdin' up?" he'd ask, with kindness in his voice, sounding like an older brother. (Well, bad analogy--- I had two older brothers and they were jerks---but you get the idea.) I was pretty sure he meant how was I holding up in general, not just with the karate training. And though I never would go on to pour my heart out to him, I appreciated that he asked. I think it was his way of showing he cared about me.
********************
Gambit sat on the bridge of Freedom, blankly watching the stars fly by. He checked and re-checked one of the monitors. They still had a ways to go before arriving to An'zhina. At this rate, at least six more full days. `Six more days till Gambit get to feel sand under his feet,' he mused, 'an' get to feel wind on my face. Bein' cooped up in dis starship startin' to drive me crazy.''
If only they could kick it back up to warp nine they would arrive at An'zhina in no time, but that was just not a feasible option. Once they made it to An'zhina, the starship would be left with very little dilithium. How exactly the X-men were to acquire more would be a bridge they would have to cross later.
"I can't wait to get home," Rogue sighed, sitting beside Remy.
"Gambit be jus' t'inking the same t'ing." He smiled at the thought that their minds had been in the same place at the same moment. It wasn't the first time this had happened, either.
Rogue looked at him and caught the underlying consternation in his voice. "What is it, Remy?" she asked softly.
"I was t'inkin' also how far away my real home is," he admitted.
"You still think of Cajun country as your home, don't you?" Rogue asked. "And not An'zhina?"
'Yeah," Remy nodded. "I spent mos' of my life dere. I like An'zhina but I don't know if it can ever be home." He paused. "I miss excitement. I miss theater an' shows an' clubs. An' Mardi Gras. The fast pace on earth, whet'er it be in New Orleans or New York. I didn't like dat fast pace all the time but some of the time, it be wonderful."
"We don't get much of that sort of stuff on An'zhina," Rogue said. She remembered all the places she had Remy used to go, back on earth. Gambit loved a good night out, and they had indeed taken in many in New York----improv shows, plays, dance productions, fancy restaurants and bars, etc.
"Yes," Remy said, passionately. "An' chere, don't get me wrong----I really love An'zhina. I love bein' able to get rest and to relax and lay on the beach all day long dere. It jus' dat it ain't New Orleans. An' the more I t'ink 'bout it, the more I know dat I wanna see New Orleans again before I die."
"You probably want to do more than see it?" Rogue said, making her sentence into a question. "You probably want to live there again some day, don't you?"
"I don't know if dat ever be possible. I at leas' wanna see it dough." He paused. "What do you t'ink, chere? I know dat you like An'zhina a lot. You ever miss earth?"
"Sometimes. You know, I miss the mansion and the life we had there. 'Cuz as hard as it was sometimes, it was great sometimes too."
He nodded. "All dose good memories. We met dere."
"I wouldn't mind seeing New York again in this lifetime," she said. "But I don't really wanna go back any farther than that in my life. No good memories." She stopped herself. "Well, except for some of the time with Mystique, 'cause she helped me so much. But she's dead and gone now." Rogue sighed. "I dunno, Remy. I love An'zhina. If we get old and die there, I wouldn't mind."
"I could live wit' dat," he agreed. "You an' me, gettin' all old and arthritic, watchin' our grandkids grow up." He stopped his reverie. "But chere, I t'ink I be happy wit' dat playin' out whether we be on An'zhina or in New York or New Orleans."
"As long as we're together, I guess it don't matter where we-------"
The doors to the bridge opened up and Bobby tentatively stepped forward. "Hi, guys," he said, standing in the doorway. "Sorry if I'm interrupting anything. It's time for my shift."
"C'mon in, Bobby," Gambit said.
Bobby entered the bridge and took a seat, feeling a stab of jealousy. Gambit was lucky that Rogue often sat with him during his bridge duty shift, Bobby thought. Northstar hardly ever did anything like that for him.
"How are you, sugar?" Rogue asked, looking at Bobby. Bobby was not one to mask his feelings and she could easily tell that he was not in one of his better moods.
Bobby shrugged. "I'm okay, I guess," he mumbled, clearly not attempting to disguise the fact that he was anything but `okay.'
Rogue swiveled around in her seat so she could face him. "You wanna talk about it?"
He shrugged again, his eyes downcast. "I'm just having a bad day. Nothing in particular happened." He paused. "I've just been thinking about Jean-Paul getting sick." And, Bobby silently added, the dim prospects of someday having to watch him get sicker and sicker, of someday burying him, of trying to live without him. Last night he'd dreamt of the funeral, had seen himself trying to be stoic and comforting towards an hysterical Jeanne-Marie as they looked at Jean-Paul's gaunt corpse inside a casket. Jean-Paul's face had been sunken in, ghastly and the Iceman had woken up shivering. Was it just the results of all his fears, he wondered, or truly a preview of what was to come?
Gambit looked at Bobby, appreciating his friend's openness. Bobby was good at confiding in his true friends and not holding back with them. `Unlike someone else,' Gambit thought, `who make you feel like you askin' for a pint a blood if you want her to tell you how she feelin'.' Putting thoughts of Storm to the side for the moment, he silently debated whether or not to voice an idea that had been simmering in his mind for a while.
As Gambit struggled with that, Rogue went on to ask Bobby, "Did somethin' happen between you and Northstar?"
"No. He's fine. He's been acting like himself, lately. But I know he's hiding it, hiding the pain he's in. It's almost like he likes having his sister express all him emotions for him, while he just buries it all." Bobby sighed. "I can't bear the thought of this dragging out, of him just getting sicker and sicker and wasting away someday."
Gambit then turned towards Bobby. Rogue saw the glint in her husband's eye and knew where his mind was headed. She had a pretty solid idea of what he would suggest as the two of them had discussed it before. "Bobby," Gambit began, "you ever t'ink dat the Endarians must be able to cure dis?"
"Of course I've wondered it," Bobby said. "Their science is so advanced that I'm sure they can cure it. But what can we do to get them to help us? Queen Marina's made it pretty clear she's mad at us and isn't gonna to give us anything else. I doubt there's anything I can do to change her mind."
"Maybe. But dere might be somet'in' dat **Cyclops** can do," Gambit stated, his voice sounding as if a door were opening. Looking at the dark circles under Bobby's eyes, the raw pain trembling beneath those pupils, Gambit had made up his mind about presenting this option.
Bobby looked up, meeting Gambit's gaze. A few silent moments passed. "I'd forgotten about that," he said quietly. "I forgot all about that," he repeated, the wheels inside his mind now starting to spin.
It had been quite some time ago now, during one of the X-men's missions back to earth. Gambit and Rogue had divulged a secret to Bobby, a secret that Rogue knew of due to her status as one of the team's field commanders. Queen Marina had repeatedly requested that Cyclops sleep with her. The X-men's co-leader had, of course, turned her down every time. But the offer had been made several times.
"I bet dat Marina's offer still stands," Gambit said.
Rogue shot a warning look at Remy. The two had discussed this before and she hadn't been too sweet on the idea of Gambit bringing this up with Bobby. "But we don't know that, Remy," she said. Though she'd spoken her husband's name, she looked at Bobby. She and Remy had hashed over this argument before. "We can't get our hopes up too much. There's no guarantee that Marina can or would help us. We don't know that they got a cure for AIDS. And maybe Marina changed her mind and is over her….her crush on Scott."
"She **was** after Cyke for a very long time," Gambit said. "We got no reason to t'ink anyt'ing's different, chere. An' the Endarians have science and medical knowledge t'ousands of years ahead of earth's. Dey gave Northstar a replacement arm, an' he says it's so real dat he don't ever even t'ink 'bout it."
"You guys," Bobby began, "let's get real here. There's no way Cyke's ever gonna go for this, so why even bother to speculate?"
"People can be persuaded," Gambit said. "I mean, we talkin' 'bout savin' a life here! We talkin' 'bout lettin' a teammate **die** 'cause of Mr. Uptight." Gambit didn't bother to hide the passion in his voice and latent anger he felt towards Cyclops. Back on An'zhina, over a year ago, the young woman named Lu had died of AIDS. If Cyke had agreed to Marina's demands, the Endarians very possibly would have presented the X-men with a cure and Lu could have lived. Deep down, Gambit didn't know if he'd ever be able to forgive Cyclops for that, for allowing a young life to be snuffed out.
Bobby shrugged. "It's his life, Gambit. It's his body." He paused and looked at Rogue. "How would you feel, Remy, if it was a male King who wanted Rogue to sleep with him in exchange for something?" He then added, "Sorry, Rogue, for talking about you as if you're not in the room."
"No problem," she said. She almost added---but bit her tongue in time---that she and Remy had in fact discussed that exact scenario.
Gambit looked at Rogue. "I would say what you jus' said. Is her body an' her life, an' her choice to make. But….but if someone else's life be on the line, I would encourage her dat maybe she should do it."
Rogue nodded. "And I would pretty much feel the same if Marina was after Remy. I wouldn't like it much----okay, I'd **hate** it----but if it meant savin' someone's life…." she let her voice trail off.
"Dat's jus' it," Gambit said. "We might be talkin' life an' death for Jean-Paul. Hell, if Cyke won't do it, I would offer myself to Queen Marina. But dat woman's never said two words to me. I don't t'ink she be interested."
Bobby felt bemused from detecting in Gambit's voice that the Cajun was just a little bit shocked, and possibly even offended, that there was a female in existence who apparently had an immunity to his charms. Bobby smiled wryly and spoke up, "If any one of the X-men's lives depended on it, then shit even **I** would sleep with Marina if she wanted." He then couldn't help but to add, "Though I was terrible with women and I don't think I ever made a woman come during any of my tries at heterosexuality. If she slept with me, she might decide afterwards not to give the cure away." Bobby paused then and looked at both Rogue and Gambit. "Okay, joking aside. You guys really think I should ask Scott to do this?"
"Yes," Gambit said, without hesitation. This time he did not look at Rogue, knowing she felt trepidation over this plan. "But you gotta be careful wit' how you do it. Gotta t'ink t'rough your approach, the time you go see Cyke and Jean an' what exactly you say."
Rogue and Gambit eventually exited the bridge, leaving Bobby to continue his shift. "Remy," Rogue began quietly as they walked down the hall towards the turbollift, "I just dunno whether you shouldda planted that idea in Bobby's head. Any of the three of us would go along with the Queen for the sake of saving another X-man, but I dunno if Cyclops is ever gonna change his mind. We are talkin' 'bout someone who sees the world in black and white."
Gambit shook his head. "If dat bastard don't go along wit' it and leaves Jean-Paul to die, I'll go beat the crap outta Scotty boy."
**************
Inside the infirmary, Panda and Hector worked side by side, inventorying and stocking supplies.
"I can't wait to get back to An'zhina," Hector said.
"Same here," Panda replied. Though she was loathe to admit it, some of the other X-men were starting to get on her nerves. It just had to do with living in such close quarters. Once they reached the expansiveness of An'zhina, she trusted that things would get better. "I love it there," she added, so as to not seem brusque.
"How's Hank's research going?" he asked, and then regretted it. Surely if there had been any recent breakthroughs, Panda would have shared it with him.
"The same," she said. "He's not been able to make any headway. I hope that once we get back to An'zhina, he and Moira can team up and put their heads together." 'And,' she silently added, 'Hank can take a break.' Perhaps once he knew someone else was working on it, he would allow himself some time off. Panda's husband scarcely left the lab. She brought all his meals to him. On a typical day, Panda was already snoring by the time Hank got to bed, and by the time Panda woke in the mornings, Hank was already ensconced in the lab. They had made love only once since Northstar's diagnosis, after Panda had pleaded numerous times. Though physically satisfying, it had been a much briefer bout than she would have liked.
Silence reigned for a few moments. Then Hector asked, "Hey, Panda, do you think Jubilee wants a boyfriend?" He then quickly clarified, "I'm not talking about me. I mean, do you think she might go out with Sam?"
"I don't know," Panda said. "But I'm willing to bet she'd give it a try. I think she does want someone, to be someone's girlfriend."
"Has she said anything about Sam? Like, does she like him?"
Panda tilted her head back and tried to remember. She really couldn't recall Jubilee ever mentioning a desire to go out with Cannonball. But then again, Panda couldn't recall discussing Jubilee's dating situation (or lack of) anytime recently. But she did know that Jubilee **had** said, more than once, that she wanted a relationship, wanted a soulmate. "I can't remember. I really can't. But Hector, I bet she'd go out with him. Why do you ask? You think Sam might be interested in her?"
"I think so. I'd bet anything that he'd go out with her. I'm not trying to play matchmaker, but I think they should at least try it. But Sam is muy shy."
"So you think she should approach him?"
"I think she should. I'm sure he'd say yes."
Panda smiled, knowing that Sam and Hector were friends. Hector sounded just a tad too rehearsed. "I don't know if Jubilee's ever asked anyone out. It can be scary to do the asking. But I'll mention it to her sometime," Panda said. Jubilee's lovelife was not first and foremost on her mind, but she decided she would try to remember if she happened to have a moment with her.
"That would be muy bueno."
******************
Much celebration took place on An'zhina the day that Professor Xavier announced he had contacted Jean Grey telepathically. Jean's parents, sister, niece and nephew were ecstatic. "They should be landing here within five or six days," Xavier said. "All of the X-men are on board the ship, safe and sound." Charles said those words, though he knew it was not exactly true for one of the X-men.
"Oh, thank goodness," Elaine Grey breathed. "And my grandchildren are safe and sound, I presume?"
"Yes."
"Do they have any camp survivors with them?" Moira asked.
"No. Unfortunately, no. Jean told me that they will fill us in on the details on their mission once they land. She gave me a quick overview." The Professor then recounted for the group the events that Jean had shared with him----the FOH's plan of unleashing a virus to destroy all mutants, Jean using her powers to halt them, the accident in engineering which resulted in the loss of their dilithium supply, the negotiations with Marrow and Psylocke, and the trip to first the moon and then later the inhabited planet in order to obtain more dilithium.
When the crowd disbursed, Charles subtly pulled Moira aside. "What is it, Charles?" she asked.
"There is one other thing that Jean told me," he said, his voice conveying a quiet sort of urgency. "One of the X-men, Northstar, has been diagnosed with HIV."
Moira gasped at the news. Recovering quickly, she said, "I am sorry to hear that."
"Jean said that Hank has been working day and night on a cure for this disease. When that Chinese woman, Lu, was sick, you also performed extensive research on AIDS."
"Yes. I will resume my research right away. And as soon as Freedom lands here, Hank and I can work together." Moira regretted that she had ceased her research shortly after Lu had passed away.
Charles nodded gravely. "Thank you, Moira."
***************
It was not a conversation that I looked forward to having. Not at all. But what Gambit said made sense. There was absolutely no guarantee that Hank would find a cure in time----he might never find one. These were desperate times, and so I was ready to swallow my pride and make a desperate request.
From my years of observing Scott Summers, I knew he was more of a morning person. Though he could turn up the energy whenever it was really needed, I did know that he preferred to do his Danger Room sessions in the morning and when he played with the kids, he seemed to have way more pep earlier in the day. You could observe him declining as the day went on….not so much so during my early years with the X-men, but this was becoming more apparent in the past few years. So I checked the bridge duty schedule, found a morning when neither Scott nor Jean had bridge duty, and then called them on their communicator, asking if the three of us could meet.
"We're with the kids in the mess hall," Scott said. "Can we meet here?"
"I was really hoping that we could talk in private," I said.
A pause on the other end, and I heard Scott and Jean talking but the communicator didn't pick up their words. "Okay. We can ask Dani or Kurt to look after the kids. Is this going to take long?"
"No, I don't think so," I answered.
I heard more muffled talking outside of the range of the communicator, and then Scott said, "We'll meet you outside our quarters in five minutes."
I had one thing going for me, at the very least. Since Freedom was now within telepathic range of An'zhina, Jean had been "talking" with her family back there, in communication with her parents, sister, and niece and nephew. She had been in an extremely good mood, and Scott often mirrored her moods as well.
The butterflies swarmed around my stomach as I stood outside the door to the Summers' room, waiting for them to arrive from the mess hall. My state of nervousness at this point was comparable to the last time the X-men had beamed down to an FOH camp during a mission. I took a few deep breaths. Didn't help.
I heard footsteps and tried to prepare myself, but it was just Shaman walking down the hall to his room. We exchanged a quick hello. Moments later, Scott and Jean were there. The three of us said our hellos and then entered the room.
"Have a seat," Jean offered, gesturing to the comfortable sitting chair. She then sat on the edge of the bed and Scott on the chair next to the desk. We made a semi-circle.
"So, what's on your mind?" Jean asked. I wondered if she knew. She certainly had the power to probe my thoughts, though I knew that she and Professor X would never enter without a good reason. Still, I wondered at the temptation she must face. I knew I'd be a terrible telepath. I'd want to know what others were thinking. Then I realized that my mind was rambling----anything, perhaps, to avoid thinking of what I had to face now.
"Is something the matter, Bobby?" Scott asked.
"No," I said, a little too quickly. "No. I---uh---I wanted to ask you something." My heart beat so fast I was sure it could be heard throughout the small room. My mind raced at an equal speed. This was a terrible idea. What was I thinking? What unmitigated gall of me! I gulped. Too late to chicken out now though I could feel my cheeks burning. "You see, you both know that Jean-Paul is very sick, I---well, I mean he's not really sick now but he does have HIV, and if he doesn't get cured of it, he is going to die. Eventually."
Jean looked at me steadily and nodded. The look on her face momentarily took my breath away. I saw genuine compassion, genuine caring. It helped relax me a bit. But sensing that Scott would be another matter, I tried to avoid looking in the direction of those shades of his.
"I hope and pray that Hank and Moira will find a cure," Scott said steadily.
"Is there anything we can do to support you?" Jean asked.
"Well…yeah, there was one thing I wanted to ask you. Do you…do you have any sort of pull or leverage with Queen Marina? I'm sure the Endarians could cure Jean-Paul if we asked. So I was wondering if either of you had any influence over her or if there was something you could do to maybe get her to help save Jean-Paul's life."
I glanced from Jean to Scott. I wasn't sure but I thought perhaps Jean knew exactly what I was truly proposing. I couldn't tell about Cyke; those sunglasses hid so much.
"Marina has repeatedly refused any requests for help that we've made," Scott said. "Ever since she lent us the Valiant and later fixed Northstar's arm, she's refused to give us anything more."
If Scott knew what I really was asking, he sure wasn't going to make it easy on me. Well, then, why should he? What I was doing took a lot of nerve. I tried to chase that thought out of my mind and reassure myself. No, my request wasn't full of gall. We're talking life or death for Northstar here.
"But, do either of you have any sort of extra influence with her? Any extra way to persuade her?" I looked from my hands, which were folded into my lap, back up to Jean. I couldn't look at Scott. I still felt my cheeks hot. "What I'm trying to say is….there are rumors that maybe you do."
"Really?" Scott asked, and I saw his eyebrows raise above the level of his sunglasses. I think I don't need to mention he did not sound pleased. "What sort of rumors?"
I noticeably gulped. "Um…there are some rumors that Marina has made some requests of you….uh, particularly of you, Scott."
My face burned. I glanced at Scott and saw redness on his cheeks as well. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"You mean the request that Marina made to sleep with Scott," Jean said. Her words were steady and even, and not harsh. At her husband turning to look at her, she said to him, "He obviously knows already, Slim."
"How the hell did you know about this?" Scott asked.
I looked down at my hands again. "I'm sorry. Rogue told me."
Scott shook his head. "How dare she! That information was presented at a meeting of the field commanders and I specifically instructed that it be kept a secret. I am going to have a talk with her. I wonder whether she is truly cut out to be a field commander."
I hadn't thought of this outcome and neither Gambit nor Rogue had mentioned it during our discussion, but I had really placed Rogue in an awkward place now. Maybe I should have lied about how I heard about Marina's request, but it was too late now. I tried to put any thoughts of bad ramifications for Rogue out of my mind. Rogue had a sterling reputation and surely this incident alone could not ruin her future with the X-men.
"Look," I began awkwardly, "I'm not trying to justify it at all….but people do talk. People do gossip. All of us during our time with the X-men have surely had our personal lives speculated on by the others, as much as we say we don't do it." Then I tried to turn it back around to the purpose of this hellish meeting. "And I honestly ask your pardon in bringing this matter up, but please remember the reason I am doing it. Jean-Paul's life is at stake." I paused, looking at Jean's eyes and then at Scott's glasses. I fought to keep my voice steady but it did crack once when I said, "In all likelihood, he's going to die if he doesn't get a cure. He's going to die," I repeated. "But the Endarians could help him."
Scott's arms were still crossed over his chest. "Irregardless of that…" he broke off, almost as if trying to compose himself, "you got a damn lot of nerve, Drake. A damn lot." Scott practically fumed. And he hadn't called me "Drake" since my early days with the X-men when I made mistakes right and left.
I found my voice and quietly said, "I know. But Scott," I said, looking directly at him, "if our positions were reversed, I wouldn't hesitate to do whatever I needed to, to save your wife." I then looked at Jean. "You know that I'm telling the truth."
Jean closed her eyes and gave a barely perceptible nod. She touched a hand to Scott's arm and spoke in a voice that was soft and soothing, "Scott, maybe you and I should talk about this situation alone for a bit."
I wondered if she may have telepathically communicated something else to him too. There was silence for a few moments and Scott had a few looks on his face that I couldn't quite interpret.
"Okay," he said, finally. He looked in my direction and then in the direction of the door.
"Bobby, let's talk later," Jean said. As during our entire conversation, I found nothing but tenderness and compassion in her voice.
I rose from the chair, muttered an awkward 'thank you', and left the room.
****************
Scott and Jean turned to look at each other. "I'm so angry now that I can't talk about this," Scott stated. "I need to go to the Danger Room."
Jean nodded. "Tell me when you feel ready to discuss this. I'm going back to the mess hall to be with the kids."
"Okay." He turned towards the door and then stopped himself. He reached back for Jean and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth before departing.
**************
TO BE CONTINUED
What do you think? What would you do if you were Scott---or Jean? Please email stormkpr@usa.net or post a review on fanfiction.net