Disclaimer: I just own the plot.
Review Responses:
lilyqueen777 – It sounds like you couldn't get to chapter six right after I'd posted it but that problem appears to have sorted itself out! Thanks for all the reviews! No I don't see the Order as liking Sev much, well some of them probably don't anyway! As for him calling him Remus, well just give it time! I did feel bad about the Tonks bashing because I do love the girl, however as penance for my evilness to her in this story I've written a little side piece for her which I'll explain in the author's notes.
Marilyn, My Bitterness – I had a feeling people might enjoy a naked Sev! Who wouldn't? Thanks for the review and for not stalking me yet!
BekaJWP – Sev definitely doesn't like poor Tonks' attention to Remus, he might not have been quite so cruel if it weren't for that! Then again he's Severus Snape so he might just have been cruel for the fun of it even if she didn't like Remus! Thanks for the review!
Lady of Paranoia – Severus is missing having Remus bother him, but he feels unable to say that so instead we have to rely on Remus working it out for himself! Tonks is a sweet girl, I do love her and I feel sorry that she won't get her man but I do have plans for her to end up happy anyway, for more information see the authors note at the end! I can't imagine myself stopping writing I just love it! Thanks for the review!
Dokuhebi – I hope your waiting for the third film ends soon, in the meantime here's an end to your waiting for chapter seven! Thanks for the review!
Arafel2 – Thanks for reviewing!
ElavielBlack – You're in awe? Wow! I'm flattered! Thanks for the review!
Vampire-Puppet – Thanks for the review!
Gemini Fallen Angel – The film does leave out a lot of explanation for various things, most annoyingly the fact it never says who made the marauders map! Still it is brilliant and definitely the best yet! The time was not right for Remus to do that as I think Severus might have killed him! As to your other question well it might give the end away a bit so I sent you an e-mail instead of answering it here. Thanks for reviewing!
bluebird161221 – Thanks for the review!
just-an-oli – I'm really pleased you like this despite not generally being a slash fan, I don't normally write slash so I was unsure as to how this story was going to be received! Thanks for reviewing!
KittyKat589 – Thank you for the review!
polaris87 – Having done some re-writing, which is explained in the authors note it will now be nine chapters and not eight. I know it's still a short story, particularly for me as I normally write pretty long ones, but it was originally going to be a one shot before I started writing it and realised it was going to be longer than that. I have no plans for a sequel and it kind of has to end where it does I'm afraid, plus I'm writing all kinds of other things at the moment so I don't really have time to do a sequel anyway or any idea of how to do it. There's still another two chapters to go though! Plus there will be a little side piece which again the Author's note will explain. Thanks for the review!
Mei – I think we all wanted to be Remus when he walked in on Snape! As he himself realised even had he been killed by Severus it would have been worth it! Don't worry though he's starting to learn to translate Snape talk, much as Snape would claim he means exactly what he says! Thanks for the review!
Professor M. McGonagall – Thanks for the review!
Dark Comet – Actually it's changed there are another two chapter after this one because I had a bit of a re-write that is explained in the author's note. Severus definitely doesn't like Remus avoiding him but he's not going to be able to say that so we've had to rely on Remus figuring that one out for himself. Thanks for the review!
Bonezz – Sev isn't all evil at all, he's got a good heart buried very deep down! He is fun to write for but it's difficult to write from his POV because he's hard to keep in character sometimes! I'm so pleased people seem to like the bedroom scene, then again practically naked Severus = what's not to like?! Thanks for reviewing!
Ellrohan – Severus is certainly having a hard time admitting he's found a friend but he's going to have to accept it eventually! The theory is about to be tested, hope you enjoy the result! Thanks for the review!
Shades of Grey
Remus' Thoughts
Emphasis
Chapter 7
Remus waited a week or so after their previous encounter before he actively went looking for Severus again. He had seen the man briefly in another Order meeting but the potions master had left part way through, excusing himself in an odd manner with a look of pain in his eyes. Dumbledore had given him a look of understanding and sympathy and had absolutely refused to allow anyone to talk about it. The headmaster had approached Remus afterwards and advised him that Severus might be busy for the next couple of days and should be left alone in case he were thinking of visiting him.
Impatiently, Remus had waited. After two days though he had run out of patience and gave in to his urge to go to Hogwarts and find Severus. He stood outside the door to the potions laboratory and knocked hesitantly, nervously wondering what kind of reception he could expect.
The door swung open, as though jerked in annoyance, and Severus didn't look very encouraging, "Oh, it's you again. What do you want now?"
"I..." Remus trailed off, Severus clearly didn't want him there at all. He shook his head and went as though to leave but Severus continued to speak.
"Well it's a good job you dropped by anyway, I need some help with a potion."
"You need help with a potion?" Remus asked doubtfully.
"I only have one pair of hands, I need someone to pass me the ingredients while I keep an eye on it, this potion's rather volatile," Severus snapped.
It's not the only thing around here that's volatile! "Couldn't you just move the ingredients closer to the cauldron?" Remus asked.
"Lupin, if you're not going to be helpful you can leave."
"No, no, I'll be helpful," Remus insisted quickly.
Severus looked as though he doubted this but waved Remus over to the table with the potions ingredients neatly arrayed on it. "Just hand me what I ask for."
"Ok, I can handle that."
Remus soon found that the task was ridiculously easy, Severus could clearly have managed alone and as he realised this he couldn't hold back a triumphant smile. Severus did want to see him.
The potion was soon finished and Severus set it aside to cool. "I'm going to have to go. I need to get some potions ingredients from the forest." He looked almost regretful and Remus felt his confidence returning with what he interpreted as a clear invitation to join him.
Well it's not exactly a romantic moonlight stroll but it could be fun all the same. "I'll come with you."
"Why?"
"Well we wouldn't want you going in there alone, then again I'd say you're more dangerous than anything that might be lurking in there!"
Severus smirked, "Very probably."
There was a flash of something dangerous in Severus' obsidian eyes, he was as close as Remus had ever seen him to revelling in his own power which Remus knew to be substantial. The darkness inside Severus, the power, the idea that no one ever quite knew where he stood with regard to his double life should have made Remus regret his feelings, but instead he found these things deeply appealing. It was almost as though the darkness within himself responded to the way Severus trod a fine line between good and evil, the way he seemed to be entirely varying shades of grey as opposed to the black and white most people tried to project themselves as being.
"Are you coming or not?" Severus was stood in the doorway, waiting for him.
Remus nodded, "Of course. Lead the way."
Severus swept from the dungeon and up to the ground floor of the castle. Remus followed him, through the Great Hall and the magnificent entrance and out into the sunshine, noting with no small amount of amusement that the bright light made Severus scowl and flinch slightly after his long hours in the dungeons. Remus on the other hand revelled in being back in the sunshine, feeling it's warmth banish the cold of the dungeons and fill him with energy. He ran forward and caught up with the other man.
"So, what are we looking for?"
"Youaren't looking for anything, these samples have to be harvested properly or they will be useless and I don't have the time or the inclination to instruct you on how to do it."
Remus nodded, "You often go into the forest?"
"Yes."
"It doesn't bother you?"
"Not in the least. Whatever may be lurking in there, it's no worse than things I've seen before."
Remus raised an eyebrow, "Still, most people don't exactly like going in there."
"Scared Lupin?" Severus smirked, "Because I'm not holding your hand."
"I'm not scared, I rather like the idea of going back in there and I don't need you to hold my hand. Of course, if you really wanted to I suppose I could let you."
Severus scowled in outrage as Remus strode ahead of him and into the edge of the dark, forbidding mass of trees.
Remus couldn't hold back a smile at getting the last word while Severus remained silent as he chose a path and stormed along it.
They wandered for maybe half an hour deep in the forest; Severus collecting samples of leaves and flowers and roots. Remus watching intently, seeing little difference between all the plants but strangely enjoying being back in the forest. He had been in there so many times before in his wolf form, back in the days before he had taken the wolfsbane potion. The sounds and sights of the dimly lit forest were familiar to him yet they seemed different in the weak daylight. Severus, he noted, seemed to know the forest almost as well as he did and, though he seemed more on his guard than Remus was, he moved with confidence into places most teachers at the school wouldn't enter unless dire need called for it. He looked like he belonged there, walking amongst some of the most dark and dangerous creatures the magical world contained. Remus raised an eyebrow and glanced at the man, thinking that maybe Severus could be described as being one of those creatures himself.
Remus however had been too absorbed in watching Severus and suddenly felt his foot catch on something, pulling him down in an undignified heap, knocking Severus' plant samples out of his hands and landing on most of them.
"Lupin!" Severus snapped, "Why do you insist on being such a graceless idiot?"
Remus groaned and rubbed his ankle, glaring at the large root which had tripped him, "Can you help me up?"
The potions master seemed more interested in his spilt ingredients, "No I can't."
"Severus, I think I'm hurt!"
"Good! You've sat on half my plant samples!"
"Is that all you're worried about?"
"Yes. What else would I be worrying about?"
"Me?" Remus asked hopefully
"Fat chance."
"Severus!" Remus tried to pull himself up using a nearby tree for support.
Severus sighed and grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet. "For goodness sake Lupin! What's wrong?"
"My ankle hurts, I think I've twisted it."
"Well heal it then!"
"I can't, I'm not much good at healing spells."
"Hogwarts teachers are required to have at least a basic knowledge of first aid and healing Lupin, I believe this would classify as basic."
"Well I was only a teacher here for a year, I never got around to doing that. Why don't you just heal it?"
Severus scowled, "I can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm not much good at healing spells either, I'll probably make it worse."
Remus smirked, "I thought Hogwarts teachers were required to have a basic knowledge of first aid and healing?"
"I have. I can brew you a potion for it or for that matter for almost any other complaint you might have but I can't do that here can I?"
"Well you're just going to have to help me back to the school then," Remus decided.
"Oh am I?" Severus didn't look like he responded well to being told what to do.
"You're not just going to leave me here are you?"
"It's tempting. However, I believe Dumbledore might consider it the last straw and finally sack me and then I wouldn't be able to continue to destroy Potter's adolescence."
"Severus!"
"Yes, you're right he does that well enough by himself."
Remus was irritated by Severus' comments and by the pain in his ankle, "That's not funny!"
Severus raised an eyebrow that said he knew exactly who had the upper hand. "Do you want my help or not?"
Remus' complaints subsided, "Yes."
"Then stop complaining, or I will leave you here."
Remus grinned, "You wouldn't, something might eat me and then what would you do?"
"Open a bottle of champagne."
"Drowning your sorrow in alcohol."
Severus smirked, "Celebrating your timely demise actually."
"Yes, you'd put on such a brave face but inside you'd be dying!"
"Shut up, Lupin."
Severus had finished collecting what was left of his plants and putting them carefully into a bag which he slung over his shoulder before coming to stand at Remus' side and slipping a surprisingly strong arm around his waist. "Come on, let's get out of here."
Remus placed his arm around Severus' shoulders, enjoying the close contact suddenly being offered. "Why Severus, I didn't know you felt that way about me!"
Severus looked momentarily confused before looking down at his own arm and scowling. "I can't levitate you all the way back to Hogwarts Lupin and you can't walk on your own so unless you have a better solution we'll both just have to put up with this, no matter what our personal feelings. Well that or I really could just leave you here, so what's it going to be?"
The werewolf leaned in to him, allowing Severus to take some of the weight from his injured ankle, "I didn't say I minded did I?"
Severus shot him a scornful look, one eyebrow arched, his eyes holding a look of superiority and suddenly Remus felt himself pulling slightly away. He had expected Severus to snap at him or look uncomfortable or both but the man simply looked intimidating and there was something else in his expression that Remus found himself a little afraid of. Almost like Severus was considering picking up the gauntlet Remus had teasingly thrown down and that idea was suddenly deeply unnerving.
Severus allowed Remus to pull away for a moment before jerking him roughly back to his side, bringing him perhaps a little closer than he needed to be. As he pulled Remus towards him Severus' hand slipped from his waist past his hip and down to his leg; he moved it back again immediately, but slowly enough to suggest that it had not been accidental.
Panic wasn't a strong enough word to cover the way Remus was feeling. Things had been developing between them lately, the very fact Severus hadn't killed him or even pushed him away completely after his many acts of gross stupidity that summer was testament to how much things had developed. Still, Remus didn't think that until this moment he had ever quite seen things as being possible. The thought now entered his mind that it was just possible that the powerful, intense man who was at that moment holding him tightly around the waist might in fact feel the same way he did. And that was a singularly terrifying thought.
The feelings a simple brush of Severus' hand across his hip had awoken were more than Remus knew how to deal with. Instinct was telling him to run but he couldn't even do that, incapacitated as he was and with the other's man's tight grip holding him in place he had found himself at Severus' mercy. He wondered briefly if Severus knew what mercy was, if he had any idea how simultaneously scared, aroused and desperate to be anywhere else, at the same time as not quite wanting to leave, Remus was feeling. Severus' face however was impassive as he helped Remus to limp along the path but there was something in his eyes that suggested he knew exactly what he was doing and that he was rather enjoying it himself.
Was he enjoying it? Am I enjoying it? If Severus was enjoying it what did that mean? What was happening between them? A thousand questions drifted through Remus' confused mind and the only one he seemed to be able to definitively answer was that, despite his sheer terror, he was enjoying it. Not that that made his fear go away, in fact that admission only served to increase it.
He also was forced to admit that Severus would have to a be complete fool not to know exactly how he had affected Remus, how much he had scared, aroused and confused him. And Severus Snape was not a fool. Whatever dignity Remus had scraped together after his insane babbling at seeing the other man practically naked was now lost completely. He wasn't sure what was scarier, the idea that he didn't know what Severus was going to do or the idea that if Severus brushed his hip like that one more time he didn't know what he was going to do.
After what felt like an age, but still passed too quickly for Remus, they reached the edge of the forest and were able to head back up to the school.
Once Remus had gathered his composure enough to speak without saying anything too stupid he asked, "So are you going to brew me a potion when we get back?"
Severus was acting as though nothing had happened, "It would be quicker to go and find Minerva, she's busy writing the school letters for next year and her healing spells are perfectly adequate. You'll have to wait a while if I brew a potion because I haven't got any ready made at the moment, seeing as I wasn't expecting a visit from a clumsy werewolf who can't even walk in a straight line without tripping over his own feet."
In his already vulnerable state Remus felt Severus' comment hit harder than usual. "Sorry Severus, I didn't do this on purpose though!"
Severus snorted, "I wouldn't put it past you to."
"Just to annoy you?" Remus asked doubtfully, "I can annoy you just as effectively in ways which are less painful to me." Less confusing too!
They continued, still bickering, into the entrance hall in time to see Minerva McGonagall emerge from the Great Hall, a sheaf of parchment in her hands. "What have you two been up to?" she sighed.
Remus couldn't help a slight flush at that comment. Severus on the other hand answered with a calm disinterest that might well have been calculated to drive Remus insane. "I was collecting potions ingredients in the forest, Lupin came with me and tripped over a tree root. I think he's twisted his ankle," Severus explained.
"I don't know, you two are more trouble now than you were when you were at school!" McGonagall bent down and cast a spell on Remus's ankle, "It's sprained." She muttered another spell and Remus found the pain leave him and he was able to put his weight on his foot properly again.
"Thank you Minerva, that feels much better," he smiled gratefully, though he was certainly sorry to have to let go of Severus.
"You're lucky I was here you know!" she grumbled good naturedly, "Severus, one day you're going to have to face the fact that an afternoon with Poppy learning to perform a few simple healing spells correctly wouldn't kill you! It would benefit you actually! You worry me with your work, if anything went wrong you wouldn't be able to heal yourself!"
"Minerva if I got the chance to heal myself then I would not be suffering from anything I couldn't cope with and I think you can rest assured that I would not get the chance to heal myself were anything to go wrong."
Remus couldn't help but feel as though they had both forgotten his presence. He was however grateful for the lull to pull himself back together. The way Severus had been behaving was still getting to him and his sudden reversion to cold and almost indifferent was deeply frustrated.
"Severus, that is not exactly comforting!" the woman snapped.
The potions master frowned, "You're right, it isn't; you try living like that! I'm afraid your comfort isn't at the forefront of my mind."
"Now Severus you know exactly what I meant! I worry about you!"
"More fool you," the potions professor sneered.
"Severus Snape, are you ever going to grow up and just accept that there are people out there who care about you?!" McGonagall scolded.
"You should you know, because people do," Remus put in quietly, causing the two arguing professors to look at him as though they'd only just remembered he was there.
"Remus is quite right," McGonagall glared at Severus, "People do care and you should take better care of yourself!"
Severus smirked and his manner became less cold, "Is this going to turn into one of those conversations where you start telling me I should be eating my greens?"
McGonagall smiled despite herself, "You're impossible. How you put up with him Remus is beyond me!"
"The question is more how I put up with him," Severus objected.
"Ah, so you can put up with me!" Remus exclaimed triumphantly, some measure of his confidence returning as he realised that, scary as it had been, he had come pretty close to finding that Severus wanted the same thing he did. "See, I knew we were making progress."
McGonagall laughed, "I think I'll leave you two to it, unfortunately these letters won't write themselves even in the magical world."
"If it's too much on top of everything else you have to do, I could deal with the Slytherin's letters," Severus offered.
The tall, stately witch smiled gratefully, "That's alright, you've got quite enough to do, but thank you for the offer."
"You're welcome. I was just trying to make sure you didn't accidentally forget to send the Slytherins their letters so that you could start taking points from them the minute they got here for not having the right books."
McGonagall gave him a superior look, "Gryffindors don't cheat to win."
Severus smirked, "Explaining perfectly why you always lose."
"If Slytherin win the quidditch cup this year I'll eat my hat!" the woman exclaimed.
"How about we have a bet; you win, I expel Potter, I win, I kill him?"
"Severus!" Remus frowned.
McGonagall merely shook her head, "I've got work to do, I'm not standing here fighting with you two all day!" she swept away leaving the two men standing together in the entrance hall.
"Can you not leave Harry alone?" Remus asked exasperatedly.
"No."
"I didn't think so somehow."
"At least you've accepted the way things are."
"Are you going to offer me a cup of tea?"
"No."
"I didn't think that was going happen either."
"You really are finally catching on to reality aren't you Lupin?"
Remus frowned, "Reality's no fun."
"No. It isn't." Severus said seriously before turning to the werewolf suddenly, a slight smile tugging at his lips, "Do you really want a cup of tea?"
Remus smiled back, stepping closer to Severus, "Yes. Is that an offer?"
"I suppose so."
The two made their way down the staircase to the dungeons and Remus knew there was something far more significant to what was happening than Severus simply offering him a cup of tea. As they walked down the stairs he raised his hand casually and brushed Severus' arm. He was both slightly surprised and deeply pleased that Severus didn't shrug him off or step away from him as he might have done at the start of the summer. Things had definitely changed and Remus was feeling scared and excited as they continued towards Severus' private rooms.
Severus suddenly stopped in his tracks and gripped his arm. "Actually Lupin, I don't think tea's a good idea. You should just go."
Remus stepped towards him in concern, "Are you alright?"
Severus backed away, "Just go!"
"Severus," Remus suddenly realised what was happening, "You're being summoned aren't you?"
Severus nodded curtly, "Leave."
"What do you think he wants?"
"I don't know."
"What if he's found out about you?"
"Thank you for bringing that happy possibility to the forefront of my mind!"
"But, I mean, maybe you shouldn't go!"
"Shouldn't go? Do you have any comprehension of what would happen to me if I didn't?" Severus snapped before adopting a more reassuring tone, "Lupin, this happens fairly regularly. There's no point in having a panic attack every time. I'll see you when I get back. Now just leave and forget about it."
"I don't think I could forget about this if I tried," Remus said, fully meaning it.
"Lupin, I have to leave!"
Remus nodded, "Be careful."
Severus nodded briefly, "Go home Lupin."
As Severus set off through the Slytherin dungeons, undoubtedly heading for an exit known only to himself and Dumbledore, Remus leaned heavily against the wall. He knew what Severus did and he knew it was necessary but he'd never had to watch him leave before. Or had he? Remus suddenly remembered the dark man's abrupt departure from the Order meeting the other day.
"Damn it!" he hit the wall in frustration. Voldemort's timing could hardly have been worse, he just had to choose then to summon Severus didn't he? Remus was faintly amused until he was once again hit with where Severus had gone. In his mind he knew that this time was no more dangerous for Severus than any other, but Remus also knew that the butterflies of fear in his stomach weren't going anywhere until he knew the other man was coming back alive and well.
XXXXXXX
A/N: Ok, a couple of things to say. The first is that this story has suffered a re-write of the last few chapters, which is why this update is a little delayed. There will now be nine chapters instead of eight and chapter eight is coming from Severus' POV. This was asked for both in reviews and by my friend who's basically by beta reader but also my muse! She gave me a whole load of ideas that meant a re-write of the last two chapters I had and the adding of a third chapter from Sev's perspective so you get a longer story!
The second thing is that I'm writing a little side piece (just a one-shot) to go with this, it fits in with the story but focuses on Tonks who I felt bad for making her fall hopelessly for Remus! It'll be Tonks/Charlie Weasley and they'll be a little hint of Sev and Remus. It's just something I wanted to have a go at so that poor Tonks didn't end up alone as I do love her!
Third thing is I'm going away for a week so the updates will be as follows, hopefully!
Chapter Eight – Friday 2nd July
Chapter Nine – 10th or 11th July (Saturday or Sunday)
I'll post the Charlie/Tonks one shot the week after that.
I've tried to arrange things so the wait is as close to a week each time as possible but this is the best I'm going to be able to manage. I'll defiantly post chapter eight on the second and I'll say then if chapter nine might be difficult but it shouldn't be.
Thanks to anyone who actually read that very long author's note!
If you enjoyed it, or want to beat me up for calling Sev away when I did, drop me a review and say so! :o)