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When Rory arrived at the bridge Dean wasn't there yet. She sighed knowing that this was going to be hard. She sat down on the bridge letting her leg hang above the water. The tears started coming again. Hadn't she sat here before? Hadn't she cried here before? Yes she had and she had cried because of Dean. That was when he had broken up with her. That was when she realized that she had fallen for Jess and no longer loved Dean. It was like a déja-vu. Dean was still not there. She figured he had trouble getting away from Lindsey. She looked around. This place was as beautiful as ever. She remembered the countless times that she had sat here. She hat set here with him. Mostly with him. With Jess. The thought of Jess made her even more sad if that was at all possible. He had asked her to leave with him and she had said no. God, that seemed like years ago, but it only was a week ago. She had told him no. No, as in I don't want to be with you. She didn't mean it entirely at that time. Yes she didn't want to be with him, she wanted him to leave. She wanted forget him and all the pain, and that was only possible as long as he wasn't there. But he kept coming back breaking her heart, and she didn't want that. She was all caught up in making up for her mistake; she was caught up in getting over Jess. Yet there he was asking her to leave and thus she said no. Would she still say no, if he asked her now? Probably not. Last week she didn't know what else to do. She immediately regretted saying no, when she saw the hurt in his eyes, but before she could say anything else he had already left. She should have said something else. She should have explained. She didn't mean to hurt him, but he had hurt her too, right? So no need to feel guilty. Jess! She should be thinking of how to bring talk to Dean and what to say, but she couldn't stop thinking about Jess. He had been on her mind all the time last night and this morning. She couldn't stop it. Why did she have to think about him? And why did it upset her even more? Why was he a contributing factor to her sadness? Right then, Dean arrived.
"Rory" he said in a happy voice and reached out to grab her hand. Rory however took a step away from him before he could touch her.
"Dean, stop!" she said determined. "I need to tell you something and I am want you to just listen and let me get it out." Dean looked at her confused not knowing what to expect but he finally nodded indicating that he was going to let her say what she needed to say. Rory gave a little sigh and pulled herself together:
"Dean, yesterday, what happened between us was a mistake. You are married and we were both cheating. That wasn't right." Dean tried to say something and moved closer again. But Rory moved away again and went on. "We were cheating no matter how screwed up your marriage is. Nothing can justify that. But that's not the only reason why it was a mistake. There's something more---Dean, I do not love you!" There. She had said it. She had rushed through this and at the end she was almost yelling. Dean stared at her and she could see his disappointment. However he did not give up at once:
"Rory, no. It wasn't a mistake. Me and Lindsey are screwed up. I am leaving her. We are meant to be together and it wasn't wrong."
"Yes it was Dean" Rory said slowly getting annoyed by his ignorance, Hadn't he heard what she had said?
"I do not love you Dean."
"Do you mean it?"
"Yes I mean it. Either way, it was a mistake and if I could I would take it back, but I can't. I don't know what you'll do about your marriage and at this point I have to say I don't care. Consider Lindsey though. If you're worried, whether I'll tell her: I won't. Maybe you should, but I don't know. You have to figure that out yourself. I don't love you Dean. I don't think we can ever be friends again. Too much has happened. I wish you well though." Rory looked at him. She had spoken clearly in a strong voice and there was no doubt that she meant what she said. Dean looked at her. She could tell he was hurting. He had expected her to want to be with him. He was crushed.
"Fine" was the only thing he could say. He then rapidly turned around and walked away from her quickly. Rory sat down. She was exhausted. That had taken some strength. But yet, some of that weight was taken of her shoulders. She had dealt with Dean and was somewhat relieved. Part of it was dealt with. Now, she only had to deal with herself, but that would be the hardest to do. She looked down at her own reflection in the lake and she felt like she was staring at a stranger. She didn't know that girl that looked back at her. That wasn't her. That was someone else, someone who had slept with a man without loving him, someone who had wasted their first time ignoring their feelings. Suddenly Rory jumped up. She had to get away from this. She had to find herself again. She didn't know where she was going but she couldn't go back to her mother. She had to figure that out herself. She had to leave Stars Hollow in order to find the way back to herself.
When Rory arrived at the bridge Dean wasn't there yet. She sighed knowing that this was going to be hard. She sat down on the bridge letting her leg hang above the water. The tears started coming again. Hadn't she sat here before? Hadn't she cried here before? Yes she had and she had cried because of Dean. That was when he had broken up with her. That was when she realized that she had fallen for Jess and no longer loved Dean. It was like a déja-vu. Dean was still not there. She figured he had trouble getting away from Lindsey. She looked around. This place was as beautiful as ever. She remembered the countless times that she had sat here. She hat set here with him. Mostly with him. With Jess. The thought of Jess made her even more sad if that was at all possible. He had asked her to leave with him and she had said no. God, that seemed like years ago, but it only was a week ago. She had told him no. No, as in I don't want to be with you. She didn't mean it entirely at that time. Yes she didn't want to be with him, she wanted him to leave. She wanted forget him and all the pain, and that was only possible as long as he wasn't there. But he kept coming back breaking her heart, and she didn't want that. She was all caught up in making up for her mistake; she was caught up in getting over Jess. Yet there he was asking her to leave and thus she said no. Would she still say no, if he asked her now? Probably not. Last week she didn't know what else to do. She immediately regretted saying no, when she saw the hurt in his eyes, but before she could say anything else he had already left. She should have said something else. She should have explained. She didn't mean to hurt him, but he had hurt her too, right? So no need to feel guilty. Jess! She should be thinking of how to bring talk to Dean and what to say, but she couldn't stop thinking about Jess. He had been on her mind all the time last night and this morning. She couldn't stop it. Why did she have to think about him? And why did it upset her even more? Why was he a contributing factor to her sadness? Right then, Dean arrived.
"Rory" he said in a happy voice and reached out to grab her hand. Rory however took a step away from him before he could touch her.
"Dean, stop!" she said determined. "I need to tell you something and I am want you to just listen and let me get it out." Dean looked at her confused not knowing what to expect but he finally nodded indicating that he was going to let her say what she needed to say. Rory gave a little sigh and pulled herself together:
"Dean, yesterday, what happened between us was a mistake. You are married and we were both cheating. That wasn't right." Dean tried to say something and moved closer again. But Rory moved away again and went on. "We were cheating no matter how screwed up your marriage is. Nothing can justify that. But that's not the only reason why it was a mistake. There's something more---Dean, I do not love you!" There. She had said it. She had rushed through this and at the end she was almost yelling. Dean stared at her and she could see his disappointment. However he did not give up at once:
"Rory, no. It wasn't a mistake. Me and Lindsey are screwed up. I am leaving her. We are meant to be together and it wasn't wrong."
"Yes it was Dean" Rory said slowly getting annoyed by his ignorance, Hadn't he heard what she had said?
"I do not love you Dean."
"Do you mean it?"
"Yes I mean it. Either way, it was a mistake and if I could I would take it back, but I can't. I don't know what you'll do about your marriage and at this point I have to say I don't care. Consider Lindsey though. If you're worried, whether I'll tell her: I won't. Maybe you should, but I don't know. You have to figure that out yourself. I don't love you Dean. I don't think we can ever be friends again. Too much has happened. I wish you well though." Rory looked at him. She had spoken clearly in a strong voice and there was no doubt that she meant what she said. Dean looked at her. She could tell he was hurting. He had expected her to want to be with him. He was crushed.
"Fine" was the only thing he could say. He then rapidly turned around and walked away from her quickly. Rory sat down. She was exhausted. That had taken some strength. But yet, some of that weight was taken of her shoulders. She had dealt with Dean and was somewhat relieved. Part of it was dealt with. Now, she only had to deal with herself, but that would be the hardest to do. She looked down at her own reflection in the lake and she felt like she was staring at a stranger. She didn't know that girl that looked back at her. That wasn't her. That was someone else, someone who had slept with a man without loving him, someone who had wasted their first time ignoring their feelings. Suddenly Rory jumped up. She had to get away from this. She had to find herself again. She didn't know where she was going but she couldn't go back to her mother. She had to figure that out herself. She had to leave Stars Hollow in order to find the way back to herself.