THE HEAVENS OPEN
By Stormkeeper (stormkpr@usa.net)
As always, I wish to thank my beta tester Leigh for assisting with every aspect of my writing.
CHAPTER TEN
*************
Nightcrawler had been somewhat surprised at the text message he received from Cyclops two days before the Christmas holiday. Still, the priest was happy to oblige. Scott requested a private session with Kurt to "confess."
Cyclops had never approached Nightcrawler for a confession before. The reason that he had never done so was simple: Scott was not Catholic and the act of confession was not a part of his religion (Methodist). However, Scott felt a burning desire to discuss this with someone----and someone who he felt was close to God.
Cyclops just couldn't see himself discussing this with Professor Xavier. Although Scott got the idea that Jean was right about her feeling that many X-men knew what had occurred with Queen Marina, he hoped that the Professor didn't know about it. He certainly had no wish to do discuss it with his father figure, fearing the disappointment. He knew that Xavier loved him unconditionally but this was not something he wished to share with him.
Nightcrawler, a Catholic priest, was another matter. "It is a priest's duty to keep to himself everything a person tells him during the Sacrament of Confession," Cyclops had heard Nightcrawler once say. "We would never break someone's confidence."
So he confessed to Kurt. It took place inside An'zhina's small chapel. Kurt noticed that Scott did not look at him (unlike the set-up of some Catholic confessions, they were not separated by a curtain) at all as they spoke. Scott's head was tilted downwards, towards hands that were folded in his lap.
When Cyclops was finished, Nightcrawler encouraged him to pray and to continue communicating with his wife about this. "And most of all, Scott," the elfin priest concluded, "you need to forgive yourself."
************
Later that day, Scott had a role to play with his parental duties.
"Pee pee, Daddy."
Young Charlotte was in the process of being "potty trained." Charlotte knew about the bathroom and that she needed to learn how to use it, Scott and Jean guessed, but something wasn't fully getting through. When Charlotte announced "Pee pee Mommy" or "Pee-pee Daddy", as she did that day, she only spoke the words **after** she had used her diaper.
"That's a good girl," Scott said softly, as he changed her diaper. "Remember to tell Daddy **before** you need to pee pee next time, okay sweetie?"
Charlotte just smiled sweetly, not seeming to fully understand her father's request. The girl was still on a high from the two Christmas celebrations she had experienced. In addition to the X-men party, Jean's family had decided to hold their own, more intimate Christmas celebration. John and Elaine Grey, Jean and Scott and their two children, Sara Gray and her children, and Warren all celebrated. (Jean and Scott later remarked to each other that it was odd now regarding Warren as a quasi-member of the family. He and Sara **had** started discussing marriage, which would result in Warren Worthington being the step-father of Jean Grey's niece and nephew, an odd concept for Jean to ponder.) Charlotte had immensely enjoyed the attention she'd received at the family Christmas party, especially with her grandparents dotting over her.
But toilet training was still an issue. On some occasions, Charlotte would approach one or both of her parents and ask to be taken to the bathroom. She would then sit on the toilet but only pretend to use it. Her parents would have to play along, flushing the toilet and lifting her up to the sink so she could wash her hands.
"it's okay," Scott would sigh, looking at Jean. "All the books say this kind of thing is a normal part of the transition from diaper to toilet. We just need to keep at it and she'll learn."
"Thank goodness," Jean smiled.
*************
Storm loved An'zhina during the nighttime. Flying through the skies at a slower speed, she felt the wind whipping at her face as she looked at the beautiful hills, thick forested areas and deserted beach with water glimmering in the light from Endaria's other moons. She passed over the thriving garden and then turned around to fly over it again, this time closer to the growing vegetation.
She loved the sense of expansiveness she felt on the moon, outdoors and late at night. The wide open spaces were welcoming and comforting to someone who still fought an ongoing battle with claustrophobia. The evening air was slightly chilly but not anywhere near cold enough to bother Storm.
Eventually, though, she grew tired and headed back for the room she shared with Wolverine that night. There was no particular reason she left that room for her excursion tonight; she'd simply felt like soaking in An'zhina's fresh air and relishing the darkness outside. Her body and soul still needed to soak it all up after being confined to the cold starship for so long.
Once inside the room, Storm removed the royal blue nightgown she'd thrown on to cover her nudity and took a look at the bed. Wolverine had, in his sleep, wrapped most of the blanket around himself. He tended to do that. She smiled tenderly as she retrieved a second blanket----that, along with the heat from her lover's body, helped warm her body once again.
Wolverine was tossing and turning. He didn't do it every night, at least not to Storm's knowledge, but his sleep often seemed to provide more of a disturbance than a rest.
The next morning, Storm rose early and brought breakfast in on a tray.
"You hungry?" she asked. The scent of black coffee, sausage, and pancakes with butter and syrup drifted through the air.
"Not yet," he answered, sitting up and still quite groggy. "But I'll be soon. Thanks for bringin' this stuff here, darlin.'"
She sat next to him. "Another nightmare?" she asked, her voice soft and smooth as tea with honey.
"It ain't exactly a nightmare," he answered. She was surprised that he seemed willing to talk about it this morning. She'd queried him a few times before about his dreams but he had not wanted to talk then. "I think they're memories. Stuff that really happened."
"Are they disturbing memories?"
"Yeah, some of 'em." He shook his head. "I just can't figure it out. Some of it seems like it oughtta've happened before the war and some of it after." Wolverine had once shared with Storm that his memories of fighting in World War II were among his only clear memories. Much of his life before and after the war was lost to him.
"Do any of these memories keep reoccurring?" She placed an arm around his back, gently but firmly. "If you don't want to talk about this, by the way, you know that's alright with me."
He smiled. "Yeah, I know darlin'. I don't mind talkin' 'bout them with you." He paused and took a breath. "I was married once before," he began. This was the first time he'd mentioned it to Storm. "But I can't even remember her name and I can't figure out when this was. It might've been a long time ago. She was an Asian woman… Japanese, I think. She was terrified of me," he said with a note of finality. "I see her face in my dreams a lot and I don't know much other than that we were married and that she was afraid of me."
He paused then said, with a note of emphasis and finality, "Can't figure out if I ever gave her a reason to be."
"The Wolverine I know would never harm an innocent person."
"Maybe I wasn't the Wolverine you know then." He shrugged off her shoulder.
Storm let the silence stand for a little while. "Well, all I can say is that I know your heart is good and honorable and incredibly compassionate. And that I love **you**….no matter what might have happened during your past," she said. She resumed resting an arm around him.
He was quiet for a few moments. "Darlin', you're too good to me," he said. He gave her a quick kiss before reaching for the breakfast tray.
************
"Ouch!"
"Chere, dat is not the reaction dat a man wants to hear when kissin' his beloved in the mornin'."
"Sorry, Remy," Rogue said. "My skin's been real sensitive lately---at leas' the skin on my face has. I think it's that new moisturizin' cream that I replicated. Sorry, sugar, but I think my skin's too touchy right 'bout now for your stubble."
"Musta felt like a cactus against your face, eh?"
Rogue reached with a hand to playfully run her fingers along Gambit's facial hair. "I'll go back to replicatin' my usual type of skin crème and I hope my skin will get back to normal. I can't go for too long without bein' able to kiss you, Remy," she said sweetly.
Rogue then went about her day. After a Danger Room session with Gambit, she headed off to talk with Storm and Bobby about decorations for Panda and Hank's baby shower. (Although back on earth, baby showers were usually "girls only" events, the X-men had decided to have the celebration all together.)
In the afternoon, she decided to take a leisurely stroll and found herself at the volleyball courts. She sat back on a folding chair with an iced tea and watched the game take place. `An'zhina sure is getting big,' she mused. Three hundred twenty people now made An'zhina their home. Rogue watched the game, realizing that she couldn't recall the names of most of the players.
But one of them she knew well: the former FOH solider named Mark.
Rogue watched him play, unable to remain dispassionate about the feelings he stirred up. `He's havin' a good time playin' volleyball on An'zhina while his buddies---his former buddies---are practically wiping out all of mutantkind back on earth.' Rogue tried to swallow that last piece. As much as she enjoyed living on An'zhina, spending relaxing days with Gambit and her friends, entertaining dreams of someday soon becoming a mother, she realized how much luck was smiling upon her. Especially as compared to many other people.
Rogue also realized the paradox they were in. It didn't seem right to say that they were "stuck" on An'zhina. 'You can't be "stuck" in a place you love,' she said to herself. But until the X-men somehow procured more dilithium, their hopes of returning to earth and saving fellow mutants were stuck indeed. `Maybe Cyke oughtta ask Queen Marina 'bout a return engagement in exchange for some of dilithium,' Rogue thought to herself. She and Gambit, however, had discussed this topic many times before. `Yeah, it's easy for me to say that 'bout Cyke. If it was Remy the Queen was after….we'd be talkin' a different story here. I really gotta go easier on Cyke.'
Rogue turned her attention back to the volleyball game. The team that Mark played on apparently had a sizable lead and seemed to play well together. The league diligently kept score of the games and ranked the teams based on their successes.
"Hi, Rogue," Mark said, once the game was finished, his team the victors. "What do you have there?" he asked, gesturing towards her drink.
"Iced tea," she replied.
"Mind if I join you?" he asked, reaching for his water bottle and sitting down in the folding chair next to hers.
"Not at all," she said. Mark was displaying a bit more confidence, Rogue noted. He used to be withdrawing and quiet, the very way he stood seemed to mutter an apology. It had gotten worse after his mistake in engineering. But since returning to An'zhina, his countenance had been slowly changing. Perhaps playing on the volleyball team shored up his confidence, Rogue wondered.
She truly did not mind spending some time sitting and talking with him either, as they shot the breeze about the volleyball league and random other subjects. Rogue hadn't had a conversation with Mark for the longest time. She didn't detest him the way she used to and besides, she really had nothing else better to do.
"Life back at the mansion," Rogue found herself saying, "was always a lot of rushin' around. We had one emergency after another to deal with----Sentinels, Magneto, Apocalypse. We didn't go for too long without running off to take care of somethin'. It's a lot different here. Got more time to drink tea and talk."
"Is it hard for you to get used to?" Mark asked.
"Nah. In fact, I think I get used to it way too quickly. Life's a lot easier this way. But I keep rememberin' what Professor X useta say. Somethin' like he doesn't desire to lead an easy life but rather a **moral** one."
"He's a great man," Mark murmured.
There was a pause for a bit. A question then jumped into Mark's mind, and he asked it. "So, does anyone know your real name, Rogue? Or is it a secret?"
"I like keepin' it a secret. Remy knows it. And the Professor," she added. "But when I married Remy, I decided to take his last name. Good riddance to my old last name! Not that anyone uses their last names 'round here too much." Ridding herself permanently of her father's last name was more of an emotional casting away than anything else.
"What is Gambit's last name? I can ask that, right?" Mark asked out of curiosity, realizing he had no idea. He always heard the man referred to as "Gambit" and only very occasionally as "Remy."
"It's LeBeau. What about you? What's your last name?" Rogue asked. She had no idea what Mark's surname was (and hadn't ever really cared either.) But now she felt a simple stab of curiosity and decided to ask.
"Burroughs."
Rogue nodded. And then a light bulb went off in her head. The ship's logs from Freedom had long ago been downloaded to computers on An'zhina, and Rogue had been doing some file cleaning a few days ago. She had been scrolling through the names of the FOH soldiers who had been the crew of the ship. She remembered a "Michael Burroughs" on the roster. The name had stuck out only because as a child, Rogue had lived down the street from a family with that surname. She had looked over the information about that Michael Burroughs and determined that he was not a member of the family she'd known, based on the information in the logs about his background. But how interesting it was that Mark shared a sur name with one of the crewmembers of the FOH ship….and that, as Rogue suddenly recalled, he **had** mentioned having a brother in FOH.
"You said you had a brother in FOH right?" Rogue asked, knowing the answer.
Mark inwardly winced at the look on her face and tone of her voice. He knew what was coming. He **had** told the X-men that a brother of his had been in FOH. He had never shared with anyone the fact that his brother had been a member of the crew on board Freedom. But he knew that Rogue had a remarkable memory and that she had recently been cleaning through the ship's files. "Yes," Mark answered quietly.
"Was your brother on board this ship?? On board Freedom?" she asked, her voice slightly rising.
"Yes."
"I see," Rogue said, nodding. "So did he brag to you about how good torturin' us X-men was goin'?? Did he send you an email tellin' you how much he liked it??"
"No, no," Mark said, shaking his head. "He hated it just as much as I did!" he declared passionately. "He **hated** doing that. We both wanted out of the Friends of Humanity!"
"Then you should've left!" Rogue responded, harshly.
Mark bit his tongue to keep from saying that it just wasn't that simple. He also let his guilt and shame overpower any of the anger he might have felt about his own brother's death at the hands of the X-men.
Rogue had so many questions burning in her mind as she fought her urge to physically attack Mark once more. `That won't do any good,' she told herself, though her voice in her head sounded like Gambit's or the Professor's. `More violence isn't the right way to handle this.' She wanted to ask Mark what he felt when he was raping a mutant prisoner, what was going through his mind and his body? But she also did not really want to go down that path. She didn't want to relive it. Rogue remained quiet as waves of anger surged through her.
"If it makes you feel any better, the pills the soldiers take make them impotent."
"What??" Rogue asked.
Mark had blurted out the declaration without thinking. He felt he had to say something to break the awful silence, and he wondered if Rogue would like to hear about an unpleasant side effect the FOH soldiers experienced. "The pills that the soldiers take to…you know," Mark tried to explain. It was well known that the FOH soldiers took pills that gave them erections. All of the female FOH camp survivors talked about the bottles of pills that were stored near their beds for the soldiers to take---and Rogue remembered most of the soldiers on board taking pills as well. "If you take them for a while, you can't get an erection without them. So all the FOH soldiers---well, most of them, I think---are impotent without the pills."
Rogue turned her head to look at Mark. "Serves 'em right," she said, with a tug of satisfaction. "Jean did say once that you were hidin' something but it wasn't anythin' we had to worry 'bout or anythin' that would put us in danger. So that must'a been it then. That your brother was on the crew of Freedom."
Mark nodded. "I'm sorry, Rogue," he said quietly.
"So what about your little problem? Are you gonna be impotent forever?" She didn't care about possibly hurting his feelings by asking embarrassing questions; she was so angry at him.
"I don't know. I thought it might pass since I haven't taken the pills for a long time obviously---but it hasn't passed. I don't wanna bother Hank or Moira with this since they have bigger fish to fry. And it's not like I'm gonna have a girlfriend anytime soon." Wracked with guilt over his FOH days, Mark had not approached any of the women on An'zhina about dating. And once they learned that he was a former FOH soldier, most of them steered clear of him too.
They sat in silence for a long while, not looking at each other. Two people took to the volleyball net and started playing. Rogue finished her iced tea, got up and walked away without a word to Mark. `What about Jubilee's daughter….?' Rogue wondered. There had been over 200 FOH soldiers on board Freedom and the likelihood that little Aurora's father was Mark's brother was a remote possibility. Was it worth telling Jubilee and possibly upsetting her? Should Mark submit to a blood test?
************
In an estimated six weeks' time, my best friend Hank would become a father. Inspired one afternoon, I sat down to write him a letter.
Here's what the letter said:
"Dear Hank,
Soon you and Panda are going to be parents. You're going to be a Dad for the first time in your life. I'm so happy for you that I wanted to sit down and write you a letter and tell you how much you mean to me. I wish I could use poetry the way you do or a famous quote, but I don't quite have that knack so I'll just have to use my own words.
I know I've said it before but I also wanted to say again that I'm honored you and Panda decided to name your son after me. Really, you are the one who deserves such a big tribute, not vice versa.
Your son is going to be one lucky kid. He's going to have a father who listens to him, who takes the time to laugh and joke with him. He's going to have a devoted father who's gentle and kind but firm when he needs it. So many times in my life, you've been like an older brother to me. My two "real" older brothers were distant and not caring towards me, but you always were how I dreamed an older brother might be – supportive and full of wisdom. Your kid is also going to be lucky to have a wonderful mom like Panda too.
Sometimes I like to pretend that the past is behind me because there are so many painful memories in my past. But I can never forget how you saved my life that time. I was about to end my own life but you intervened, and you insisted I get counseling. If it weren't for you, I definitely wouldn't be the person I am today and I probably wouldn't even be alive. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and about how you saved my life then. So I just wanted to take this time to thank you for everything you've done for me and to tell you how big of an influence you've been on me.
Sincerely,
Bobby"
Yeah, it was mushy but so what? It was all true. I wasn't fully happy with the final paragraph but after writing and re-writing it a billion times, I decided to just let it stand as is. I sealed the letter inside an envelope and slipped it under Hank and Panda's door.
*************
"Panda, look at this lovely letter penned by Bobby," Hank said to his wife, clutching the letter in one furry hand. Hank felt that Bobby wouldn't have had a problem if he shared the letter with Panda. He knew that his best friend and his wife didn't always get along perfectly, and he wanted Panda to take a look at Bobby's loving side.
Panda walked over to where Hank stood and he handed her the letter. Walking still provided no problem for Panda. Although a large woman who was now "very" pregnant, she still moved with ease and even with a bit of grace. She was, of course, not as agile as her husband---but few people were anyway.
"This is very nice," Panda said, her eyes on the letter as she seated herself next to Hank on the bed. "Quite touching," she added, sincerely.
"I am, indeed, very touched by what Bobby wrote."
"And what he says is true, I'm sure. I know you'll be a great Dad." Panda spoke firmly, trying to help shore up Hank's confidence. He had told her of his own father who had a distant relationship with his children and his own fears about unwittingly mimicking that pattern.
"And you shall, I am certain, be a wonderful Mother, just as Bobby wrote."
Panda smiled and glanced down at the note again. The final paragraph caught her eyes this time. She had merely skimmed it when she read it the first time. "Has Bobby had any more suicide attempts since then?" she asked.
"None to my knowledge," Hank replied. "I am quite certain that he would have informed me if he had."
"Whatever happened the first time around?" Panda asked. She smiled and added, "I know you told me a bit about this a while ago, but I don't remember too much of the details."
"I certainly do not mind telling the story one more time. And I am certain that Bobby would not object either." Hank took a breath and began. "The genesis of the situation occurred not long after Bobby first joined the X-men. Well, truthfully, the problem began much earlier than that, however I can speak in detail of only when I first became acquainted with Bobby. He was a very young man then, of perhaps 17 or 18 years. He and I became friends shortly after we met and I truly enjoyed his youthful spirit, his carefree attitude, and his penchant for initiating so-called 'practical jokes.'"
"So you two were friends right from the start?" Panda asked. When Hank nodded, Panda asked, "Did Bobby always seem depressed?"
"Yes. I soon detected that beneath his carefree surface lurked quite a bit of tension and despair. I queried him numerous times about these matters, asking him repeatedly about the source of his distress and whether I could assist him. Bobby always insisted that nothing was the matter and that I need not be concerned."
"Did other X-men notice something was wrong?"
"I believe so. Jean and I discussed the matter a few times, and she was extremely concerned about him. Cyclops also commented that his performance as a member of the team was never up to the standards he expected and steadily declining from there. The Professor was also greatly concerned----both in regards to his performance as an X-man and his mental health. However, none of us were successful in convincing Bobby to confide in us."
"What was the main problem? Was it that he was gay?" Panda asked. She knew that this was the obvious answer but wondered if there might have been other problems as well.
"His depression stemmed from, I believe, an inability to accept that fact and to view himself as a worthy human being. He had internalized our society's contempt and loathing for homosexuals, which resulted in Bobby suffering from both depression and anxiety at times."
"So, did you suspect it? I mean, suspect that he was gay?"
"The thought did not cross my mind until he started dating Polaris." At Panda's quizzical look, Beast clarified, "Polaris was the code name of a young woman, Lorna Dane, who was a member of the X-men for a brief duration of time. She and Bobby began to date each other. I hoped that having a girlfriend would enliven his spirits, however Bobby seemed no less depressed after their courtship had begin. Additionally, when I watched the two of them interacting, I generally sensed that Bobby was falsifying something. I could detect that he was not acting in an authentic manner, and that he was also experiencing feelings of guilt.
"So I again," Hank continued, "encouraged him to share with me. I made several comments which I had hoped would convince him that I bore no ill-will against homosexuals in general. And yet still he preferred to not confide in me. During this time, I experienced feelings of helplessness as I watched my friend grow even increasingly depressed. Thus, I made the decision to share my observations with the Professor and to convince him to periodically monitor Bobby's mental condition."
"You mean like….do mental check-ins with him?" Panda asked.
"In a manner of speaking, yes. I know that there are numerous and legitimate arguments that might suggest this would be akin to privacy invasion. However, the Professor never probed Bobby's mind on any sort of detailed level."
"He just did occasional readings of his emotional state," Panda finished for Hank. She remembered her husband telling her of this piece.
"Exactly. I informed the Professor that I felt Bobby might attempt suicide. The Professor then decided to monitor Bobby's mental condition, and therefore knew when he was at the depths of despair where he would commit such an act.
"That time arrived not long afterwards," Hank continued. "Apparently Mystique was attempting to blackmail Bobby. She was going to reveal his sexual orientation if he did not provide her with classified information about the X-men's defenses, the mansion and the Blackbird -- our jet. Bobby felt as though he were between the proverbial rock and hard place, and he was prepared to take his own life. The Professor sensed his emotional state and intervened, thank goodness. So truly Xavier deserves the credit for saving Bobby's life. I sometimes feel that I could have done more to assist my friend."
"Well, honey, if he didn't want to open up to you after you asked him hundreds of times ----what else could you have done?" Panda asked soothingly. "He was really lucky to have you." She paused and then asked, "What happened, though after….after the Professor stopped him from doing it?"
"That is when Bobby and I were finally able to have a discussion regarding all of these matters. He confided in me at last. I felt that it was the first time that we truly had an open and honest discussion, even after we had been friends for so many years."
"It's hard to imagine Bobby keeping so much to himself," Panda said. "Seems like nowadays he wears his emotions on his sleeve."
Hank nodded. "I believe the time he spent in therapy changed that aspect of his personality significantly. He was not always so open. I used to liken him to a pressure-cooker, as if he were keeping explosive contents simmering just beneath the surface."
"Then it must've been pretty wonderful that you and Bobby finally sat down and talked about everything," Panda commented.
"Yes," Hank said, nodding. "However, the more we talked, the more we agreed that he needed some time away from the X-men. He had these discussions with the Professor too, and he concurred as well. So it became a bittersweet time----though glad that Bobby and I were closer as friends, I also saw that it was also the beginning of his time away from the X-men. Our friendship was finally blossoming for real but then he left shortly afterwards. You see, I performed much research and found a therapist who would be supportive of his sexual orientation. Bobby then went into intense therapy, often meeting with his therapist 3 to 4 times per week. He also went off of active duty as an X-man, so to speak, meaning that he ceased training and no longer partook in missions. He did remain living at the mansion.
"However, only three to four months after he began therapy, Bobby decided that a change was in order and he moved across the country to San Francisco. I now believe that he saw it as a way to gain a fresh start on his life. He wanted to create some physical and emotional distance from his past, as it was a difficult one. Although glad for the fact that Bobby reached a decision he felt confident about, I was quite melancholic at his going-away party as I sensed that he would not return for a long time."
"And he **was** gone for a while, right?"
"Yes. He actually was away from the X-men for seven years and two months. He once told me that he never intended to stay away for such a long duration of time. I think that perhaps he simply became **comfortable** with his life on the West Coast. He eventually acquired a boyfriend and a job, and I think it became difficult for him to consider breaking away from that for a life of dangerous missions in the X-men."
"And that was a tough time for the X-men, right?"
Hank nodded. "Very, very shortly after Bobby went on hiatus, our lives in the X-men became extremely busy and complex. Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit joined us----and later Jubilee----and then simultaneously we faced the Sentinels, Magneto's return and the first rise of the Friends of Humanity. To use a cliché, the situation 'snowballed' from there. We were soon battling Mr. Sinister and Apocalypse as well. In between these bouts of chaos, Bobby and I occasionally emailed each other. We also spoke on the telephone upon several occasions. I quite missed him. The Professor and Jean also maintained some form of contact with him. But we were not successful in convincing him to return to the X-men until I personally flew to San Francisco and explained to him the gravity of the situation with the second rise of the Friends of Humanity. He rejoined us, and approximately four and one half weeks following his return to the mansion, we were captured by the Friends of Humanity and brought out into space."
Panda nodded, glad to have heard the full story. "Thank you." She planted a kiss on Hank's cheek. "And Bobby's right. You're an incredibly wonderful friend, and our son will be very lucky."
*************
"I hate to say it Remy, but it serves him right."
Rogue made that declaration to her husband over dinner that day. She and Gambit had chosen to eat together by candlelight in their room.
"Can't argue wit' dat," he remarked, though he sensed Rogue didn't really "hate" to admit her feelings on the subject. But if the pill that the FOH bastards took to get erections forced them to eventually depend on pill, it was indeed poetic justice in Gambit's book. He smirked, "Dose FOH soldiers always accusin' us mutant men of bein' not able to get it up. Guess we know it be a bit of the pot callin' the kettle black."
"Damn straight," Rogue added. "But Remy, what should we do 'bout the other thing Mark told me earlier today?"
"You mean dat his brother was on board Freedom," Gambit said.
Rogue nodded.
"Small galaxy, ain't it?" Gambit murmured. "So one of us---you or me or Wolverine---killed Mark's brother."
"You don't need to make it sound so dramatic, Remy. It ain't like the son of a bitch didn't have it comin' for him."
"Oh, I agree chere. I don't regret dat we did it one bit." He paused. "I don't remember anyone who looked like Mark."
"Me neither. But I didn't really look at those bastards' faces that much."
"He could've died in combat," Gambit added. Many of the FOH soldiers had died during the battle that ensued when the X-men had been freed from their cell by Bobby (as opposed to those FOH soldiers who survived the skirmish only to be killed one night by Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit.) During that battle, Rogue, Gambit and Wolverine had not been the only ones fighting fiercely and causing casualties.
"That's right," Rogue nodded, as if reading her husband's mind. "Cyke was usin' his laser blasts, Storm was firin' thunderbolts. An' I think Colossus might've killed a few soldiers in combat too."
"We were all pushed to the edge," Gambit said.
"So what 'bout the possibility that Mark's brother was….the father of Jubilee's daughter? I hate to use the word 'father' though, since the piece of hog slop didn't do anythin' to deserve the title."
"Chere, I dunno if it be wort' lettin' Jubilee know. What would really change if his brot'er was the father?" he asked before taking a swig of his drink.
"Yeah, so Mark could be Aurora's Uncle? Big deal. Family's what you make it and not necessar'ly who you're related to. Xavier was much more of a real father to me than my own one ever was."
"You said it, Rogue. Like when Rory asked at Christmas for a Daddy. Jubilee did a great job in answerin' her. She said dat she already had lots of Uncles and Aunts, and dat what be really important."
Rogue smiled. "I remember Storm suggestin' that to her once. I think it was a long time ago, back on the Paradise planet, and the two were talkin' 'bout it. Storm told Jubes it was only a matter of time before Rory would start askin', and she suggested that reply to her."
"Dat Storm a smart woman." Gambit then paused, "T'ink 'bout it dough, chere, maybe we makin' too much outta dis. What be the odds dat Mark's brother was the one? Dere were over 200 men on board dat ship."
Rogue said, "And that's another reason why I think it maybe ain't worth tellin' Jubilee."
Gambit nodded thoughtfully. He was quiet for a bit before he said, "I can t'ink of only two reasons to tell Jubilee. The first one is maybe if Mark's brother was the father, den maybe from a medical standpoint it be good idea to know. We can ask Mark if dere are any medical problems dat run in his family."
"I hadn't thought of that," Rogue said quietly. "I'm sure Hank would tell us it's a good idea to know as much as we can 'bout family medical histories. Even for us mutants to know." She took a bite of her meal and then asked, "What was the second reason, Remy?"
"The second reason is dat I don't t'ink we gotta make it into dis deep dark secret. What you an' Jubilee lived t'rough was 'orribe an' everyt'ing….but Jubilee seems to be doin' alright now. I don't t'ink dat we gotta keep dis from her like we be protectin' her. If Mark's brother turns out to be the father, she can deal wit' it."
"You know, you got a good point…We got enough secrets goin' on in this team. Do we need another one?"
"'Specially if dere ain't a good reason to keep it a secret," Gambit concluded.
The couple soon turned their attention from this matter to more pleasant ones. When finished with their meal, Rogue scampered over to where Gambit sat and they cuddled together. She later flew them to the other side of the moon where they watched the brilliant sun set in the distance, nestled in each other's arms.
*************
One afternoon, Storm had been leading a "healing circle" of female survivors of the FOH camps. Storm did not usually lead such groups due to the fact that it was agreed that a consistent facilitator was ideal, and Storm had often been away on missions to earth. But most or all of the camp survivors knew her; she would always work quite extensively with them during the journey from earth to An'zhina. So one afternoon, she facilitated an outdoor ritual with a group.
Upon the conclusion of the ceremony, Storm received many hugs and 'thank yous.' She noted that the survivors appeared to be functioning remarkably well mentally, considering all they had lived through. `We mutants have such an extraordinary capacity to bounce back,' she thought.
While walking back to the main complex, Storm heard her communicator bleep, signifying the receipt of a text message. She called up the message. Psylocke and Marrow were requesting a meeting with "the X-men leaders" as soon as possible.
Less than an hour later, Storm, the Professor, Cyclops, Rogue, Wolverine, and Hank were seated inside the main conference room with the video hook up. A few buttons were pressed, and Marrow and Psylocke's images looked back at them through the screen.
"To what do we owe this pleasure?" Storm asked. She spoke without bitterness or anger, perhaps with a touch of amusement.
"It's simple. We want to make a trade with you," Marrow answered.
Storm's first reaction was a gut impulse of fear. Months ago there had been Wolverine's affair with Psylocke. And before that, when Psylocke had been with the X-men, she'd pursued him aggressively. What if…..? But then Storm took a good look at the two women's faces. Marrow looked eager and excited. Psylocke looked bored and perhaps even a tad embarrassed or annoyed.
"What sorta trade?" Rogue asked, though she had an inkling already. The Pirates possessed the one thing that the X-men sorely needed in order to ever get back to earth: dilithium.
Although all the X-men's leaders were present, they agreed beforehand that the Pirates seemed to prefer dealing with women instead of men. Therefore, it was suggested that Storm and Rogue do the bulk of the talking.
"We'll give you dilithium---enough to get you to earth and back, with some to spare. In exchange, we want one of your X-men to join us," Marrow stated. "Dani Moonstar."
The X-men exchanged looks with each other. "You want Dani to join you?" Storm asked, stunned. She knew that months ago, when she and Dani had been on board the Pirates's ship, Marrow had requested to spend some time alone with Dani. Moonstar later said that nothing had come of their time together.
"I doubt she's gonna be much interested," Rogue said, shaking her head. The gall of the Pirates was truly unbelievable.
"Well, that's the offer. Enough dilithium to take you on a round trip to earth in exchange for Dani joining our crew," Marrow stated. "Tell her she can take all the time she wants to think it over; we'll be hanging around Endaria for a while longer."
"I can tell you with almost complete certainty that the answer will be 'no'," Storm said.
"That might be the case. But remember, my former teammates," Psylocke began, looking at Xavier, "if you ever want to get back to earth and change the lot of the thousands of mutants being tortured by FOH, you need dilithium. I doubt that you want to ask Queen Marina for some, and it's not going to just fall out of the sky either. Think long and hard before you say no to this."
The Pirates then terminated their conversation and the screen went blank.
"This is not our decision to make at all," Charles began solemnly. "The decision must be made by Moonstar."
The X-men leaders then proceeded to debate whether or not to even relay the Pirates' insane request.
"Is this some kinda trap?" Wolverine asked, looking at the Professor.
"No," Xavier answered. "I shared that concern as to whether or not this is a trap or part of some grand scheme, so I probed Marrow's mind. She has no intention of tricking us and this is not a trap. Their intentions and their proposal, however ludicrous, are **honest**."
"Well, I question whether or not we should even bring this to Dani's attention," Storm said. "We cannot expect her to leave us and live with the Pirates. It is, as you said Charles, ludicrous. If we even mention this to Dani, she might feel obligated to accept their…offer."
"Not if we're direct and open," Cyclops had argued, "and we make it clear that the choice is hers."
"I think it's better than not tellin' her 'bout it," Rogue offered. "We should at least tell her what happened. In the spirit of bein' honest."
Xavier nodded. "I think that she does need to be….forewarned. The Pirates obviously have an interest in her and she needs to know about that, if she does not already. After all….it is a grim prospect to entertain, but the Pirates might someday decide to beam her away from An'zhina. Moonstar needs to at least be aware that she is the subject of this debate."
"I agree that at the very least Dani should be informed of the Pirates' proposal," Hank said.
"She's an adult and can make her own decision," Wolverine agreed. "But we definitely gotta make sure we let her know that we don't expect her to agree to this bullshit. 'Cause I'm with Storm and I don't want Moonstar feelin' like she's gotta sacrifice herself for this."
"She is just the type who might do that," Storm said. "Sacrifice her wishes for the good of the group."
The X-men leaders debated for just a little while longer. Storm was still not thrilled with the idea of telling Moonstar about this, but she reluctantly came to agree that a policy of full disclosure would be the best one.
Not long afterwards, Dani Moonstar arrived at the large conference room. Seeing the faces of all the X-men's leaders, Dani cracked a smile and said, "Uh-oh. Am I in trouble?"
Cyclops smiled at her comment. He hadn't interacted with her much but he noticed that lately she hadn't seemed quite as happy and carefree as she had before. It was a bit unusual to hear her making a joke as of late, and he liked it.
"Not at all," Storm said. "Please come in and have a seat."
"This still feels like I'm back in school and getting called to the principal's office," Dani said, shaking her head as she seated herself in an empty chair. She then darted a glance at Xavier. "Not that that really happened too often."
"Dani, we have some information which we wish to share with you. The Pirates contacted us and offered us a….a ridiculous exchange," Storm began. "One which we do not expect you to agree to. In fact, we fully expect you to refuse their proposal. Any of us in this room would refuse, I am certain."
Dani tried to keep her facial expression neutral, though her heart began to drop. She had an inkling as to the nature of the Pirates' offer – at least as to one end of their request. Marrow's incursions into Dani's room easily provided a foreshadowing.
"The Pirates offered to give us dilithium…in exchange for you joining them," Xavier said.
Dani kept her face blank. "What did you tell them?" she asked after a second or two of silence.
"We told them that we were almost certain you would refuse their offer. And Dani," Charles said, his face breaking into a grim smile, "none of us expect you to agree to this….ridiculous proposal. We bring it to your attention in the interests of full disclosure and because we want to ensure that you know what is happening."
"But we don't expect you to agree to this," Storm said. "The very idea is insane."
"How much dilithium did they say they'd give the X-men?" Dani asked.
"The promised enough to get us to earth and back."
"And in exchange I need to join them forever?" Dani asked.
"We did not ask them for the specific duration of time," Hank said. "We assumed that they requested your joining of their group to be permanent, or at least indefinite."
"Hmmm," Dani replied. "When did they say they needed an answer by?"
"You're not considering accepting this, are you?" Storm asked, leaning forward in her seat. She tried to temper her alarm.
Dani was quiet for a moment. "I don't think so. But I would like more information."
"They said that you could take as long as you wanted to reply," Cyclops said. "They sounded like they had no plans in the near future to leave Endarian space."
Dani nodded. "Did they say anything else?"
"Quite honestly, we didn't pump them for too much information. We were so certain that you would refuse this offer….Certainly any sane person would," Cyclops continued.
"I probably will say no," Dani said, nodding. "But I wanna think about it for at least a day, okay?"
The X-men had no objection to that. They talked about reconvening the following morning, and the meeting was soon concluded.
***************
"Logan, we have to stop her! **I** will stop her, if no one else is willing." Storm said those strong words to her lover shortly after the leadership meeting.
"Storm, we gotta let Dani make her own decision," Wolverine said. "I hope she's gonna say no. But it's her decision to make."
Storm shook her head. "I hope she will refuse too…but I am gravely worried that she is going to martyr herself so that we can receive enough dilithium for another trip to earth. We cannot allow Moonstar to be guilt-tripped into this ridiculous exchange!"
Wolverine reached for Storm's arm as if to gently hold her back. "Just give her some time, darlin', before you go talk to her. The meeting just got out. Give her a few hours to think it over before you try to influence her. Dani's a real strong woman and she's gonna do what she thinks is right . Give her a chance to work that out in her head."
Storm took a breath and nodded. "Alright," she answered, accepting his thoughts on the matter. "There is wisdom in that."
Wolverine looked at her deep blue eyes and remained unconvinced that Storm liked the idea of Dani making up her mind about the dilemma.
*********
A few hours after dinner that evening, the sun began to set on An'zhina and the alluring darkness gently started to bathe the moon's outdoors. `It has been several hours since the meeting,' Storm thought to herself. She touched a few buttons on her communicator to contact Dani Moonstar.
"It is Storm. Dani, I would like to speak with you now. Is that possible?"
"Of course, Storm. You can call me and come see me anytime, you know that."
"Thank you, Dani. Where are you now?"
"I'm sitting on one of the hills right now. The one nearest to the beach."
"I will find you." With that, Storm gracefully ascended into the air and flew towards the hill Moonstar spoke about. She easily spotted the young woman. More accurately, she heard her first. The evocative sound of Dani's flute playing spun through the air. The song was one of such heartbreaking sadness that the indomitable Storm nearly winced at its sound. The music sliced through the night air with its rendition of painful sorrow.
"That was lovely," she murmured, once Dani's song was finished. Storm had landed near Moonstar and slowly walked towards where the younger woman sat cross-legged on the ground.
"Thank you, Storm. A compliment from you is always sweet."
"Your playing is, I think, some of the most beautiful music I've ever heard. Truly." Storm lowered herself to the ground, sitting next to Dani.
"Well, you and Jubilee have both learned how to play the flute beautifully too. So you won't miss my music so much." Dani's spoke with a note of finality to her voice.
Storm closed her eyes at Moonstar's words. "Dani, you cannot be serious about this," she breathed.
"If the X-men can go on another trip to earth, the lives of countless mutants can be made better. A lot of suffering can be relieved. A little sacrifice on my part won't kill me."
"Have you really thought through what this means to **you**? You are going to be living with Marrow and Psylocke---and those two other women---day in and day out. Marrow is a cold-blooded killer and I think that Betsy is partially insane now. They **both** likely are insane; at the very least, they are both mentally unstable. You might be expected to take part in their killing sprees."
"Storm, I can hold my own. I can deal with whatever they toss out."
"It is entirely possible that Marrow might expect that you supply her with….sexual favors."
"It won't kill me," Moonstar said, her voice emotionless.
"You would really consider giving up this?" Storm swept her arm as she spoke, as if to highlight the gorgeous An'zhinian scenery. "All of this? For a life on a starship with Marrow and the others??"
Moonstar shrugged and looked straight into Storm's eyes. "Storm, to be honest, I'm really miserable here. I mean it. I----I'm in love with Jubilee," she admitted, her voice cracking, "and she hates me now. I can't stand watching her with Sam, rubbing salt into my wounds. I gotta get out of here, away from her. Away from **them.**"
Storm took a deep breath and nodded. Moonstar's admission explained a lot of things. Storm had known that the two friends had had some sort of falling out. No wonder Dani had been so depressed….far more depressed than even one who had lost a friend. And no wonder Jubilee had rushed into Sam's arms so quickly.
"You cannot run away from your problems, you know," Storm's soothing voice spoke.
"Yeah, I know….but hanging around here's not really doing anything to make them better either. I love being an X-man but I'm just not happy here."
Both women were silent for a few moments. Moonstar then added, "As far as I see it, this will be good for me personally and good for every mutant on earth. Everyone wins. The X-men get a chance to return to earth and do some good for the planet, and I get away from Jubilee and Cannonball." She paused. "I can deal with Marrow and Psylocke. Whatever they throw out, I can handle. But I wanna get away from Jubilee and Cannonball --- I **need** to---, and staying here is driving me crazy."
Storm reached for Moonstar's hand and held it. "One request, Dani. Please wait 24 hours before you say anything to the others. Think it over. Please. Use this time to give it some more thought and try to see the other side to this."
Dani voiced some agreement to Storm's idea, though she secretly felt that nothing would change her mind.
***********
The sun shone on An'zhina the following morning. The X-men leaders had mentioned their meeting with the Pirates to very few people. Hank hadn't said anything about it to anyone----partially because it had truly slipped his mind. He had other concerns to deal with and because he couldn't fathom Moonstar agreeing to the Pirates' crazy exchange, he simply didn't think that it was worth mentioning to anyone.
Storm, however, could not drive thoughts of Moonstar leaving from her mind. "The girl would be throwing her life away. She shows so much promise as an X-man. We have always mourned the lack of leaders and the lack of An'zhinians who have wanted to join the X-men. We found a star in Dani --- someone who has fit in so well with us, and shown so much promise, and who works hard----and I cannot believe that she might be leaving us."
Wolverine listened to Storm's worries. "Darlin', you know I agree with you. I'd hate to see Dani leave. But if she wants to go, we can't try to stop her. It's gotta be her decision."
Storm was preoccupied with this dilemma all day. She saw Dani during an afternoon training session. "Shall we talk after dinner?" Storm had quietly asked her in the gym.
"Yeah, that sounds good."
Dani spent much of the day in prayer and meditation. She headed for An'zhina's lush forest, knowing that the awe-inspiring view of the thick trees and fertile outdoors would help her search for the right answer. Dani found a spot by a small river and sat in meditation for a few hours in the forest. Taking the time to slow down and reflect, she became aware of the sounds and movements around her----the gentle rush of the water, the singing of birds above, the rustling of branches in the mild wind.
Her placidity was interrupted by another sound ---- the sound of laughter.
"Sam, you silly goof!"
It was the voice of Jubilee---the woman Dani loved---interacting playfully with the man she loved. The two apparently found a picnic spot down the river a way. Their laughter and giggles ripped through the air, smashing Dani's meditation, digging that knife in just a bit deeper.
************
"It was a sign from the Goddess, Storm," Moonstar found herself saying hours later when she met with Storm, as promised following dinner. The two woman sat inside Dani's room, facing each other. "I was praying and meditating, hoping to receive an answer. Hearing the two of them together was like a knife in my heart, as it always is. It was a clear sign."
"Was it really a sign, Dani or could it be perhaps that we allow our own expectations and pre-judgements to color what it is that we see?"
"C'mon, Storm," Dani said, crossing her arms over her chest, "I thought you believed in signs from above."
'I do. I am just asking you to look at what occurred in the forest from another angle. Perhaps it was the Goddess's way of suggesting that you remain here and try to work things out with Jubilee," Storm said.
"You can't just 'work out' a broken heart. She doesn't feel for me what I feel for her. She's mad at me."
"And running away will never repair your friendship. Or your broken heart."
"But maybe it will help ease the pain. Storm, I have made up my mind. I'm ready to go tell the other X-men. I've decided what I want to do."
Storm shut her eyes. She, too, had spent most of the day mulling over the prospect of Dani leaving….and what the ramifications of that might be on her life. "I ask one thing of you," Storm began. "Please, wait another day before announcing it to the group."
"Why?"
"Please, Dani, do as I ask. Trust me with this. Tomorrow you can tell Xavier, Cyclops, and the others at breakfast. But please….just give it these twelve more hours. For me?"
Moonstar agreed. Storm seemed to be dealing with something else in her mind, though Dani was not in the mood to probe just then. Besides, she knew Storm didn't like to open up anyway. "I will wait. But my decision will remain the same."
*************
Storm walked down the corridor towards her own room, her heart heavy. Moonstar's resoluteness and determination were unwavering; nothing would dissuade her from the decision she had reached. This left Storm with a heartbreaking decision of her own. She was already fairly sure which route the Goddess wanted her to take.
"Logan, it's Storm. Can I speak with you now?" she asked, over her communicator.
"Sure, darlin'. I'm by the gardens."
"I will be right over there."
Storm moved through an open window and then took flight. She reached her lover's side in less than a minute, and sat down next to him on the ground.
"She has decided to do it. She's decided to accept the Pirates' offer," Storm began, gravely, her voice just above an anguished whisper.
"It ain't the end of the world, 'Ro," he said, with unusual softness as he reached for one of her hands and grasped it. "Maybe we make a bargain with them. We tell 'em that Dani can live with 'em for one year and that's it. Then we want her back."
Storm exhaled. She'd been swept up in her own thoughts and worries, and had not considered that option. "That is indeed a good idea, Logan. One can tolerate anything if one knows that it will come to an end."
He nodded. "I know it ain't the perfect situation. Anythin' can happen in a year's time. They might disappear halfway across the galaxy and not return. But we can ask them to make a pact with their honor, like we did with them. Maybe we say that once a year is up, we meet with 'em at a designated place---maybe here---and they give us Moonstar back."
"I like that." There was silence for a few moments as the two sat on the ground, looking at the green riches of the gardens. Two An'zhinians were working the other end of the garden doing some weeding. Other than that, the area was quiet and tranquil. "There is another idea which I think I will suggest." She turned her head and looked at him. "I want to suggest that I go with Dani."
"What??"
"We can't let her go alone," Storm said. "It would be a living hell for her to be in exile like this. I cannot fathom her living with those….maniacs, even if it is for merely one year. She needs someone else there, another sane person she can be with. I am her closest friend here---well, the closest one since she and Jubilee had that falling out. She needs another X-man with her. I volunteer for that."
She reached over and touched her hand to his rough cheek. "I know," she said. "I know what you are thinking. I have been contemplating this idea all day, and the very thought of being separated from you is pure torture to me. I love you, Logan. I cannot bear the idea of being away from you for a year."
"Darlin', I can't bear it either," he said, struggling to keep his voice steady. He knew that once Storm had set her mind to something, stopping her was as futile as trying to stop a swirling hurricane.
"But we must do the right thing, and I believe that the right thing would **not** be to simply let Moonstar walk into this…hell alone. If there is one thing we've learned as X-men, it is that we need to support each other and not allow others to battle their demons alone. Moonstar will need someone else with her. And we X-men need that dilithium if we are to ever get back to earth and help save the mutants there, who are no doubt living their own lives in hell too." She paused. "The Pirates might try to hurt Dani. Physically hurt her. Her powers are still under-developed and not nearly as strong as mine. I think that she needs someone there to protect her."
Logan listened to her words and nodded. His mind and his sense of honor agreed with the logic as much his heart and his instincts wanted otherwise. But a glint of hope remained. "The Pirates might not agree with this," he said.
"I know. They might consider me too powerful and not allow me to come with. But Marrow and I, at one time, were not enemies. When she first came to join the X-men, she and I….well, I cannot say that we 'bonded' but we did have a rapport, at least. Perhaps she could override Psylocke's veto of my presence."
Wolverine shut his eyes tightly and grasped her hand even stronger. "I know," Storm repeated quietly, her voice soothing. "I love you. This will be difficult. But maybe we can get them to agree to your idea. One year only. One year is not such a long amount of time."
"I think what you wanna offer is the right thing," he said. "You are a very generous and noble woman, Storm. I wish I was that noble. Wish I had the honor you got."
"Why Logan….to me, you are the very definition of **honor**," she breathed.
"No I ain't…Cause I'm sittin' here hopin' and prayin' that the Pirates refuse to take you with them."
**************
TO BE CONTINUED
Question of the week---Do you think the X-men should ever return to earth permanently? Do you want them to? Any guesses on what I have in store for them, in terms of whether they ever return to earth permanently?
Your feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Please email me your reactions and ideas, to stormkpr@usa.net Also, if you want to be notified when I upload a new chapter, just send me an email.