THE HEAVENS OPEN
By Stormkeeper (stormkpr@usa.net)
As always, I wish to thank my beta tester Leigh for assisting with every aspect of my writing.
CHAPTER TWELVE
**************
Jean-Paul and I went to bed the night of the farewell party. We now shared a bed most nights; it was a rare one that he wanted to sleep in his own bed. I think the combination of everything he's lived through---his HIV diagnosis and recovery----were just making him more open to intimacy. So we usually bedded down together in my room. (And needless to say, I was really happy with the way things were going.)
He was unusually clingy that night. Most nights, he liked some space on the bed and didn't want the full body contact. But that night, he wrapped his arms around me and cleaved to me.
"Is everything okay?" I whispered. "Do you wanna talk?"
"No," he whispered back. He kissed the side of my face and bid me pleasant dreams. It took me a while to fall asleep, though, because I knew the thought of returning to earth had terrified him (and partly because one side of my body had gone numb from the way he was sleeping on it.)
The next morning, it was awkward. We had an X-men meeting, and Storm was present. She and Moonstar were scheduled to leave with the Pirates later that morning, but Storm wanted to attend our meeting to hear our plans. It certainly made sense, but it was just a tad….weird with her there, since we'd all basically said goodbye to her the previous evening. I found myself trying to avoid looking in Storm's direction, as terrible as that sounds. Moonstar took a pass on attending the meeting.
The group talked over the specifics of the dilithium beam-down from the Pirates. The exchange—Dani and Storm for dilithium---would be conducted via transporter. Jean and the Professor both said that they scanned the Pirates' minds again that morning and that they still had no intention of deceiving us; they planed to follow through with the agreement we made. I was glad that they did that scan because I sure wouldn't have trusted Marrow and Psylocke.
"Once we receive the dilithium, we can return to earth," Cyclops said. "We can continue our original plan, of using telepathy to change the minds of FOH leadership and turn the tide on public opinion regarding mutants."
"That seems to be the best plan," Storm said. "Unless anyone else has any better ideas."
No one did. I think we all realized that these raids on the camps where we beamed up a few hundred mutants at a time were next-to useless, in addition to being dangerous. The bottom line remained: we had to change the attitudes of people towards mutants. No one liked the idea of messing around in people's heads but thousands of mutants were being tortured and even killed, and we had to prevent it.
"Cyclops and I, and the kids, will be on the next mission," Jean stated. "My family gives me a hard time whenever I talk about going on another mission, but Scott and I have discussed it and we truly think it's the right thing to do. We need a telepath on this mission."
The Professor smiled and said, "I have offered many times to serve that role instead."
Cyclops smiled back. "And we've always said 'no way.' You're staying here, Professor. You're needed here to run An'zhina."
Cyclops's words, I thought, were kind. As much as I love and respect the Professor, An'zhina truly can be run just fine under the care of Moira and Banshee. (And Angel, I guess. He had, once again, chosen to remain on An'zhina so as to be with Sara Grey and her children.) But the real reason had to be that Xavier just wasn't getting any younger and, although he looked better than he had in quite a while, I think he still needed the rest and relaxation. And why shouldn't he take them? He's certainly earned them; he's certainly been through enough strife in his life. I knew I'd miss the Professor but also would be glad that he was comfortable on An'zhina.
"Rory and I are going too," Jubilee said, looking in Jean's direction. "So Charlotte will still have her playmate with her. When are we leaving?" I'm sure that part of Jubilee's reason for coming with had to do with her relationship with Cannonball. But even apart from that, I also knew she liked being part of the team and would rather be in the thick of things instead of vacationing on An'zhina.
"That is the next question for us to discuss," Cyclops said. He then turned and looked at Hank and Panda.
"Panda and I have had some discussions with the leaders," Hank began, addressing all of us. "We would like to remain here until our baby is born."
"We'd feel a lot safer that way," Panda explained. "I—I know it might sound irrational. But that's the way I'd prefer it, for Rob to be born here instead of on the starship."
"So the question becomes, is the rest of the team willing to delay approximately six or seven weeks before we return to earth?" Hank asked. "If not, then please feel free to proceed to earth without us. We do not wish to hamper this very important quest."
"The risk is, you would be bereft of a doctor," Storm said. "Shaman has a healing power that he can share with others, and Wraith has been trained as a medical assistant…." She let her voice trail off.
"But neither of us is a good substitute for a real doctor," Wraith finished for her.
"That is quite true," Shaman added. "I do not have the ability to perform surgery, for example. Wraith and I can handle minor accidents and illnesses only."
I listened to Storm's words and realized that the Pirates were also "bereft of a doctor" (unless one of those two other women in their crew was a doctor---what were the odds of that?) I really hoped that neither Dani nor Storm would get sick.
The team discussed the issue at hand for a while. I hated the idea of setting out without Hank and I really hoped people could be persuaded to wait a few more weeks. In the grand scheme of thing, what did seven weeks matter?
There was some real debate on this, with some X-men really eager to head out as soon as possible. But Jean, Scott, and Rory all made the case that they would feel much more comfortable if their children had access to a doctor on board Freedom. Several people made the argument that it was a moot point since so few of us ever really **got** sick. But you never knew. When Jean-Paul had been assaulted by FOH, thank goodness we had Hank. Hank had performed surgery on him to clean out the infection he'd suffered, and Hank had known which antibiotics to give him. Like Shaman said, neither he nor Wraith would've been able to do that.
Memories of Jean-Paul's assault made me shudder. I looked at him. He still didn't seem quite himself this morning, and I gathered that what happened with FOH on that dreadful mission went a long way towards explaining his terror yesterday. I'd never lived through being raped and tortured like he was. I would only imagine what he was going through.
Caught up in these thoughts, my attention returned back to the meeting when Cyclops was saying, "It's settled, then. We'll wait here on An'zhina, and leave for earth when Rob is about a week old. That way, Hank and Panda can be a part of the next mission."
I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that my best friend and I would not be separated.
There were two other matters that we had to discuss during the meeting. The first had to do with the planet at which we….uh, **took** the dilithium. The Professor said, with Cyclops fervently nodding along, that he believed we should return to the planet and attempt to retrieve the shuttle. We didn't know what we'd find there, but by leaving that shuttle behind, we might've committed quite a bit of damage to their natural evolution.
"You must investigate that," Storm said. No one disagreed.
However, our first order of business on the mission was going to have to be to get more dilithium. The amount the Pirates promised came to just more than enough to get to earth and back. That wasn't going to be enough. We had to get more, to account for any contingencies.
"Locating new dilithium sources is of utmost importance," Cyclops said. "We are going to need to do that before we visit the planet we took the dilithium from and before we go to earth. We cannot risk becoming stranded once again."
No one disagreed with that either. The amount we were going to be getting just wasn't enough to make us feel secure.
"We don't really got any idea 'bout any sources of dilithium, do we?" Rogue asked.
"Unfortunately, no," Cyclops answered. "Other than the inhabited planet where we left the shuttle. But we can't take from there again."
"The Pirates must know some sources," Storm said. "Either they know of a source unknown to us, or they were the ones who took it from that first planet from which we used to obtain our dilithium." The 'planet' Storm referred to was an uninhabited chunk that used to contain a huge boatload of dilithium. The last time we went there, we found that all the dilithium had been removed. A lot of us suspected that FOH were the ones who took the dilithium but it truly was anyone's guess.
"I will see what I can find out from them," Storm continued. "Jean and Professor, if you would check in with me telepathically from time to time, I will let you know what I've found out."
"You'll have to find out fast," Jean said. "Remember, that Charles and I can hook up mentally with those who are about seven days away from here. Once you get farther than that, you're out of range."
Storm nodded, "I know. I'll also ask Dani to see what she can find out."
That was basically the end of our meeting. Storm smiled and said that she appreciated all the farewells and well-wishes she received yesterday at the party and at the ceremony, and that she wanted to exchange no more. We were less than an hour away from the scheduled beam-up time, and Storm said she had a few last minute things to pack, so she got up and walked straight back to her room.
I guess it was easier that way. She didn't want to go through another round of goodbyes, and I sure didn't blame her. I sneaked a glance at Wolverine's but it was unreadable. He left the room the minute the meeting ended.
Later that day, I checked in with Rogue and she told me that the exchange had been successful. Storm and Dani had been beamed away, and we had the dilithium in exchange that we'd been promised. I nodded at her words, seeing the deeply sorrowful look in her eyes reflecting exactly how I felt. Storm and Dani were gone.
**************
Cyclops checked his communicator. During the meeting, he'd heard it give off a blip, indicating that a non-urgent text message had been received. He'd fleetingly wondered who might be calling him….all the X-men were in the meeting and he didn't really communicate much with anyone other than those who had been sitting around the large circular table. He guessed it might've been his in-laws, though why would they call him and not Jean. As soon as the meeting had adjourned, he eagerly read the message.
I request a brief meeting with you, as soon as possible. Please contact my advisor Baran to schedule some time today.
Queen Marina
Cyclops sighed, disgustedly. He wanted nothing more to do with that woman. He looked forward to leaving on the next mission so that he could get away from this place, out of Marina's clutches. Deep down, he wouldn't have minded if Hank and Panda's baby arrived a bit early---the earlier he could leave An'zhina, the better. Scott hadn't seen Marina since their evening together, but he truly had no desire to ever see the Queen again.
'I guess I have no choice,' he said to himself. He couldn't disregard her request; ignoring the generous regent who gave them the moon was not an option. Therefore, he found himself facing her image on the viewscreen less than an hour after the X-men's meeting had concluded. Jean was with her parents, continuing her effort to persuade them that her leaving on this mission—with their grandchildren---did not spell disaster.
"It is good to see you again, Scott," Marina said. She wore a smile which bordered on a smirk, and a devilish twinkle glowed in her eyes.
Scott perused her facial expression and knew this could not be good.
He took a deep breath. "What can I do for you today?" he asked, mustering every bit of willpower to keep his voice level and civil. He even managed a tone that might sound a touch pleasant to a casual onlooker, though Marina certainly had to know that the truth was otherwise.
"I wish to offer you an exchange," Marina said.
Scott's pulse began to gallop. He'd had enough of powerful females offering exchanges lately. "What sort of exchange?"
"I've spoken with our scientists. They believe that they can cure the damage that was done to your brain which prevents you from being able to control your laser blasts. How would you like the ability to be rid of your visor, once and for all?"
"Let me guess what you want in return," he replied, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Another evening together," she finished for him, with a slight smile.
"No. No way, Marina." Her gall remained incredible. 'Are there no attractive men on Endaria??' he wondered, angrily. `And why is it, no matter what I say to her, she doesn't understand the concept of monogamy?!'
"Are you quite sure you want to refuse this offer, Scott?" Marina asked. Her facial expression remained smug. "Wouldn't you like to look at Charlotte and Christopher—and Jean---without having that barrier between you? Don't you want Jean to gaze into your naked eyes? Don't you want to hold your son without the fear that he's going to reach for your visor and pull it off?"
Scott fought for control of his anger. His voice came out low and clear. "I'm not some….expensive prostitute. I did what I did before to save Northstar's life. But don't expect me to ever do this again."
"Well, if you change your mind, Scott, feel free to call me."
She terminated their conversation. "Don't bet on it," he muttered, to the blank viewscreen.
**************
"I can't believe the gall of that woman," Jean said later, echoing Scott's same thoughts on the "request" that the Queen made.
"She makes me so angry," Scott said, shaking his head. "I know, I know….I can't let it get to me. I just have to shrug her off. But it's hard."
"There are reasons other than morals to turn down her offer as well," Jean said. "You don't want Endarian scientists messing around in your brain."
"I know. The very thought terrifies me. They could plant some mind-control device in there---or do God-knows-what else." Scott sighed. "Her gall really is amazing."
Jean and Scott's conversation was momentarily interrupted. They were taking a walk along one of the many pathways when a gaggle of five or six joggers came up from behind and passed them by.
"I'm just worried that she's going to keep coming at me with these requests," Scott said. He and Jean reached a bench and decided to sit for a moment. A few more fellow An'zhinians were walking and biking down the pathway.
//You can't worry about what might happen in the future, Scott,// Jean gently communicated via their mindlink as she reached for her water bottle and took a sip. She decided to switch to the non-verbal form of communication since it didn't seem that she and Scott were going to get any privacy. //She probably will throw a few more requests your way. You can always say no.//
//That's what I do fear. What if some day I **can't** say no? What if some day they aren't requests and are instead demands?//
Jean put an arm around her husband's strong waist. //I guess we'll face that when we come to it. We'll think of a way to handle it.// She paused. //If worse comes to worse, we leave Endaria.//
Scott then turned to look at Jean. //What is it?// he asked her. He sensed that she had, reflexively, put up a mental 'wall' between the two of them.
//A thought popped into my head,// Jean admitted. //One I didn't want to share with you.//
//Oh.// His mind was silent for a second. //I respect that, of course.// They had long ago agreed that if either one of them did not feel like sharing the entire contents of their mind, they would respect the other person's inner space and mental privacy.
//No, this is something I should bring up with you because this isn't the first time it's been on my mind.//
Scott was intrigued now. Although they respected each other's privacy, these days---after having been together for most of their adult lives---there wasn't much that they didn't divulge. //Tell me, Jean. If you want to.//
//I want to know what you did. You've told me all about your evening with Marina but you never told me what….you two did in bed.// She then, for reasons she couldn't explain, reverted back to speaking, rather than telepathy. "I mean, obviously you made quite an impression on her," Jean said, her voice a notch above a whisper, "if she's asking for a return engagement."
Scott listened to her words. He'd always assumed that Jean never asked him for details of his sexual encounter with Marina due to an understanding that discussing this made him somewhat uncomfortable.
//But why should it make you uncomfortable?// Jean asked. //If you cannot share with me, who can you share it with?//
//I know,// Scott answered. //I know. I guess it's just something that I'd rather forget. And….and I think it all gets back to me not wanting to feel like….like an expensive prostitute.//
"Well, I know that you're not, and you know that you're not," Jean responded, whispering even though no one else was near them. "But I'll admit that my main reason for wanting to know is curiosity, plain and simple. If you don't want to talk about it, I'll respect that. I can live with my curiosity not being satisfied."
Scott was silent for a few moments. //Alright// he said. //I can share this with you. I'll tell you about it.// He was silent for several seconds. //Or maybe it's better if I just remember back to it, and you can watch.//
And that is what happened. Scott's mind went over the events of that evening with Marina, in effect playing a flashback tape as the couple's mindlink remained joined. Jean witnessed Scott's memories as if watching a movie filmed from Scott's perspective. She saw him sitting uncomfortably on the bed as he waited for Marina. She saw the Queen emerge from a secluded room, wearing an alluring red negligee ….a negligee, Jean realized with a stab, not unlike one of Jean's own, complete with a plunging neckline and lace trim. Jean saw Marina approach Scott and kiss him passionately. She also understood and felt, through the mindlink, that Scott was going through the motions on autopilot, returning the kiss as his own emotions were squelched shut off. He had to choke back his disgust. No one, save Jean, could understand how truly excruciating this had been for him.
Jean felt Scott's body respond physically, due more to the drug that had been placed in his drink than anything else. Jean had to swallow her own disgust as she witnessed Marina fondling Scott's ears. The Queen continued to smother his mouth, and then nibble on his neck. Jean viewed Marina's hands caress her husband, gently removing his clothing. Marina lured Scott to the bed and mounted him, smothering his body with kisses and caresses.
Unable to watch any more, Jean closed off the mindlink at the point when Marina' reached for Scott's hardness and inserted it within her mouth. Jean had to break off the memories then.
"I didn't reciprocate," Scott added quietly.
Jean was quiet for a few moments. "I'm sorry," she finally whispered, her eyes not meeting his. "I'm sorry I watched that, and sorry you had to go through with that."
Scott gently touched her arm and made eye contact with her. "I—it's okay. I'm dealing with it. It wasn't the worst thing in life a person could go through. It's just that it makes me feel….so dirty," he said, having found the word he was searching for. "I keep telling myself that it was the right thing to do, that it saved Northstar's life….But I'll always feel dirty from it too."
Jean nodded, holding one of his hands in hers. Several more people walked, jogged, or rode their bikes past the bench on which the couple sat, many of them calling out greetings. Scott and Jean responded pleasantly, as always.
"You did the right thing though. You had no other choice," Jean murmured once they were alone again, her voice barely above a whisper.
"What if she keeps coming back to me," Scott wondered in reply, once he and Jean were alone again. "What if someone else on An'zhina gets sick, and it's something Hank and Moira can't cure. Am I going to have to go through this again?"
Jean shared his worries and spoke a few words of reassurance. But she also wouldn't lie to her husband; she told Scott that she shared some of the same fears too.
"As much as I'm going to miss the Professor and the rest of our family," Scott began, "I can't wait to leave An'zhina. I can't wait to get on this mission!"
*********
"I don't think I can go on this mission."
The weeks on An'zhina had been passing very quickly, ever since we bid farewell to Storm and Dani and we waited for Panda and Hank's baby to be born. I suppose it was because we knew our departure from this paradise land grew nearer and nearer that the days seemed to whoosh by. Every time I went to a meeting of the bad art club or tended the garden with the others, I told myself to cherish this time, as it would soon be ending.
I guess I shouldn't have been all that surprised when Jean-Paul made his declaration to me that morning. He looked more and more wistful every time we spoke of leaving An'zhina and all the things we treasured here. Every time talk of returning to earth had come up, he'd gotten this look. He just couldn't mask the fear he felt about possible confrontations with FOH.
"Really?" I asked softly, in a tone which I hoped would encourage him to open up more. He and I were eating breakfast outside, on one of the patios. It was a late breakfast; we'd slept in that morning and only a few others were milling about the porch.
"I've been thinking about this a lot, Bobby," he said. He rested his head on one hand and alternated between glancing at me and at the table.
"I know you have," I said quietly. "I could tell ever since it came up at Storm and Dani's going-away party. I didn't wanna rush you into talking about it more if you weren't ready." I stopped and reached to hold one of his hands. "I guess that's only partially true," I corrected myself. "Maybe the truth is that I knew how you felt and I just didn't want to face it."
"Do you understand my reasons for not wanting to go on this mission?" he asked.
"I think so. But I'd like to hear you say them anyway."
"It's too much. Too much has happened, Bobby," he said, meeting my eyes. "I've been tortured by FOH twice. The second time I thought it would be easier but it actually was worse. I was more scared that I could ever imagine that I could be." Jean-Paul said the words steadily and without much emotion in his voice, but I knew what he was feeling inside. I knew he felt every word that he said.
"So the main reason is fear of being captured and tortured again?" I asked. I made sure to keep my voice gentle and devoid of judgement. I had never been tortured. I couldn't really understand what he'd been through. Although I knew I wasn't going to like what he was going to say, I tried to receive it without judgement.
"Yes. But there's more too." At my encouraging look, Jean-Paul continued. "Bobby, it's been too much. I've been through just too much. I need some time to slow down and reflect. Listen to everything I have been through. In the last….three or four years, I've seen most of my teammates in Alpha Flight tortured and killed, I myself was tortured by FOH, I saw my sister tortured by those bastards too. I struggled to help my sister with her depression. I later found out that Philippe---my lover for three years—had been killed by FOH. Then I fell in love with you, I watched as my nephew was taken by FOH, I was tortured by FOH **again**. Then I was diagnosed with HIV, only to be cured of it weeks later in some very bizarre circumstances. Bobby, my life has been a roller coaster---an insane roller coaster---for the last few years." He paused and added, "I need to get off of it."
I knew all of the facts that he told me of. But somehow hearing them all together like that was truly staggering. I got up from my chair and hugged him. The losses I'd borne in my lifetime didn't compare. He'd suffered more than just about any of the others.
"Rober, my amour, you know that you have been one thing that has helped me more than almost anything else," he said, as I continued to embrace him. "And you know that when I listed falling in love with you, in that litany of events in my life for the last few years, I mean that it was one of the most wonderful things that ever happened to me."
"I understand," I said. "And besides, it's still more chaos. I mean, when you begin a new relationship, it's still a big, life-changing thing. Even though it's a good thing."
"Exactly. As wonderful as our relationship is---and Rober, I mean it; I could not go on without you some days," he said passionately, hugging me tighter. "But as wonderful as it is, it's another element in my life that's changed." He paused and said, somberly, "You know, I've been thinking about Philippe a lot lately. When I was with him, I thought we would be together forever. And when someone you love dies….." he let his voice trail off.
"I know. You still love them," I finished for him. "You don't stop loving them just because they're dead."
"Sometimes I feel that I've never really dealt with it," he confessed. "I know that when we first started our relationship, I made us wait a long time before we made love."
"Longer than any other gay couple in history," I laughed. "Or any straight one, for that matter."
He smiled at my joke. We weren't hugging any more; I had resumed sitting next to him. "It's true. And I think part of why I made us wait so long was because I felt that would make it okay in Philippe's eyes. I couldn't stand to feel that I was betraying him, betraying his memory. Then once we got together, maybe I thought it was okay, we had waited long enough, and I would be over Philippe." He paused. "But it's not that simple. I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss him at times. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still love him."
We sat in silence for a bit. I replayed the words he'd said. "Jean-Paul, do you think that's the real thing going on here? I mean, is it that you don't want to go on the next mission or that you haven't dealt with everything that's happened to you---losing Philippe…being tortured….watching most of your teammates be killed…"
He was quiet for a bit and he seemed to be really listening to what I'd said. "I don't know," he said. "I don't know." He and I then both started to speak at the same time. I deferred to him. "Maybe I should go talk to the Professor."
I smiled. "That's exactly what I was going to suggest."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Maybe we have a…a mindlink," he laughed.
"I think it's cool we're on the same wavelength," I said, smiling. I felt more in synch with him than I ever had, and from the look on his face, I knew he felt the same. It was cool. Somehow that knowledge gave me the confidence to know that we'd get through this. "Do you think you'll do it? You know the Professor's a great listener and he always gives good advice. Objective."
"I've been thinking about doing this for days. I guess I will."
"We still have a few weeks before Panda and Hank's baby is due." The words slipped out.
"You're hoping I change my mind," he said. The sentence was somewhere between a statement and a question.
"I guess so," I admitted. "I'll support whatever decision you reach though."
"If I do decide to remain here, you'll stay here with me, won't you?"
Upon seeing me hesitate, Jean-Paul pressed, "Angel is staying here with Sara **again**. If he can take a break, surely you can too."
"I know. But I also feel a strong sense of duty to do what is right. If you stay home, Jeanne-Marie will want to as well. I don't know if the X-men can afford to lose all three of us---on top of Storm and Dani too."
"It's just for one mission."
"But this might be the one that ends it," I said. I spoke with sincere passion in my voice. "This could be the one that ends it. If we avoid accidents in engineering and if FOH hasn't created any new viruses, the telepathy that Jean is going to do could really make a difference. Jean-Paul, we might be able to **win** this thing, to make a real difference. I think I want to be there for that."
"You are an optimist, Bobby. I dearly hope that we can end this once and for all too, but will it? Or will earth just fall into more chaos? FOH runs everything. If they're brought down, who is going to run the governments, the economies of the world?"
"Maybe then we can really make a difference. It might be chaos, as you say, but earth is already in chaos. Maybe we can help to make things better, and if we can, I want to be there."
Jean-Paul was silent for a few moments. I could tell that he was considering what I said and very possibly considering changing his mind on staying home.
Finally, he said, "I will talk to the Professor."
************
"YEEEEES!"
Jubilee's cry rang out so loudly that the fact no one in the hallway heard her was a testament to Endarian architecture. Sam was grateful for the thick walls as well.
Mostly, though, he needed to rest. He was so thrilled that Jubilee had finally reached an orgasm during lovemaking that he nearly wanted to pump his fist and yell 'Yes!' too---but his arm was a little sore. He'd found that Jubilee just needed more prolonged stimulation than either of his previous girlfriends, and that penetration didn't do much for her. No matter. A combination of Cannonball's tongue and fingers had done the trick, though various muscles in his wrist, hand, and neck were now sore. He didn't really mind, though; he was thrilled that she had climaxed under his ministrations.
Sam rested his head on Jubilee's stomach.
"That was great," Jubilee whispered. She then winced, worried she sounded like something out of a romance novel. "Sam, you're awesome," she added, sounding more like herself.
"My pleasure, ma'am," he smiled.
She stroked his hair. "So…don't you wanna….?"
"Yeah. I just need a rest."
"You want me to get on top?"
"Sure!" That would be comfortable, Sam thought to himself. He actually liked being on the bottom quite a bit. Not much to do but look up, play with Jubilee's breasts, kiss her, and have an orgasm. Not a bad combination.
"Oh, Sam….uh---thanks. I mean, I'm sorry it took so long." Jubilee was relieved. Sam had been attempting to mask his disappointment at her lack of orgasms, and it had been putting pressure on her. Finally, it had happened! She was tired but very relieved.
"Aww, shucks, sweetie. It was fun."
Several hours later, Jubilee had retrieved little Aurora from Jean and Scott's babysitting. Sam had gone off to the Danger Room for a training session. It was soon time to put Rory down for her late afternoon nap.
Jubilee then walked over to one of Rory's diaper bags. She hadn't used this knapsack since the farewell party, and Jubilee knew full-well the reason for that. Her flute remained in its case, untouched for weeks due to the same reason.
Jubilee reached inside the knapsack and pulled out the cassette tape. She sighed, a heaviness in the pit of her stomach. Dani Moonstar was gone now, and Jubilee honestly couldn't say she regretted that fact. But part of the heaviness in her heart was regret. Thinking back to Dani and to their friendship caused a plethora of unpleasant feelings to surface. Regret was only one of them. Betrayal, guilt, and anger were also present. In the past several days, Jubilee had been experiencing another emotion when she thought of Moonstar.
Sadness. Sorrowfully, Jubilee thought back to their friendship and realized that she hadn't wanted it to end. Dani's company was sorely missed. If only Dani had never gotten the idiotic idea to kiss her!
Taking a deep breath, Jubilee opened up the cassette tape. A small note popped out. Jubilee sat down on the bed and began to read.
Jubilee, I want to say how sorry I am about everything that happened.
I miss you and I hope that someday, when I return, we can again be friends.
Your flute playing was really great, and I hope you keep playing.
Please enjoy this tape I made. Some of your favorite songs are on here, and
I recorded some new ones for you too.
Jubilee fingered the note, somehow missing Storm very much now. She could use the older woman's counsel. Well, she still had Jean or Rogue, but it wouldn't be quite the same. Of course, none of them knew what had transpired between her and Dani. Only Bobby knew, and Jubilee just didn't feel like discussing her emotional state with him.
Jubilee desperately hoped that the tape contained no love songs. Dani could sing as well as she could play, and she was capable of taping first a flute instrumental and then overlaying it with a track of her vocals. Jubilee didn't want to hear any dirges of unrequited love.
'Oh well,' Jubilee thought to herself. `I gotta just put what happened with her behind me. Maybe when I see Dani a year from now, we'll have forgotten all this and we can go back to the way things were.'
Jubilee found herself speculating on the future a lot. Less than two weeks until the due date for Panda's baby. Within days of Storm having departed with the Pirates, Jean had made telepathic contact with the Windrider. Storm had discovered the coordinates of an uninhabited planet containing an abundance of dilithium which the Pirates had used to fill their coffers. Thus, the X-men had their course planned out. All that remained was the wait for the son of Hank and Panda to arrive, so the X-men could set out once more.
**************
"You must be so excited. Gonna be a dad in—what?---ten days?"
"Eleven, if Rob arrives precisely on his due date. Panda says she believes that he might be early yet, though she cannot articulate why exactly she believes this."
Hank and I were taking a walk in one of the forested areas, enjoying the scenery. I tried to log lots of hours every day in nature. I knew I'd really miss it soon. Our time was slipping by, the days and hours dwindling at breakneck speed. I would miss my garden so incredibly much.
"So you are excited though, right?" I pressed. He didn't seem to be exactly jumping for joy.
"Of course I am. I feel several emotions. Nervousness is another one as well, though I trust that Panda and I will be good parents."
"Of course you will!" I enthused, sounding like a cheerleader. "I can't imagine anyone being a better parent than you. Besides, you have Jean and Scott, and the Greys, and Jubilee to ask for advice if you ever need it. Though I'm sure you've read every parenting book the Endarians allowed us to download, haven't you? Those books had a lot of great advice, I'm sure."
I then stopped my rambling and took a good look at the man who was my best friend. "Hank….what's wrong?"
He returned my gaze, the sorrow in his eyes starling me. "Panda and I engaged in a discussion yesterday evening," he began, in a very serious tone. "She said that she does not wish to accompany the rest of the team on the next mission. She believes it best if she, the baby, and I remain here."
I stammered out a reply. "But…the baby's not even born yet!" That was lame, so I started again. "Why??"
"She said that she does not want to risk his health or his life. Panda knows that our missions carry an element of danger, and she says that it will be wrong to subject Rob to that."
"But….but Jean and Scott, and Jubilee, are brining their kids!"
"I know. I shared that fact with her, but Panda believes that is no logical reason to risk our own son. I must concur with her on several points. Our son **will** face some potential danger should we elect to bring him with us. Our missions have, indeed, had casualties."
"True but….but…true," I said, claming up. Panda was right; what else was there to say? My little namesake **would** be in some danger, and I couldn't articulate a reason for them to bring him with, other than the one I'd already mentioned—the fact that other X-men were bringing their own kids.
"The fact that Scott, Jean, and Jubilee have weighed the risks and decided to bring their children on the mission does not convince Panda that it is the right thing to do," Hank said, as if he had read my mind. "I cannot argue with her logic. Or with her emotion. Our son is not yet born but…but we both love him already," Hank said, his voice carrying a great degree of tenderness and pain, in a way that I hadn't heard him speak before. "We love him. Perhaps it is for the best if he were to remain on An'zhina."
"So you'd stay here too?" I asked, my heart breaking. What an awful mission this was shaping up to be! No Dani, no Jean-Paul (though I had hopes he'd change his mind), possibly no Jeanne-Marie, and now possibly no Hank! Now all I needed was for Jubilee, Rogue and Gambit to stay behind, and all my best friends would be separated from me.
But then I saw Hank swallow and noticed a deeper hurt in his eyes. "I have been struggling with this question constantly since Panda and I concluded our discussion. I am considering that perhaps I should still go on this mission, irregardless of her decision to remain here." At my surprised look, he continued, "The X-men require a doctor on this mission. It is absolutely required. Shaman and Wraith do not have the skills that I possess. I know that we do not intend this mission to be a rescue mission, for example, but if it should become one, my skill set will be necessary. I am the only X-man who can examine and treat the torture survivors of the camps, for instance.
"And, aside from that fact," he continued, "I feel compelled to remain with the team during this mission. This mission could be a truly monumental one, one in which we finally are able to make a difference for the lives of mutants at home. We have been waiting for this for years."
"Wow, Hank," I murmured. "This is so weird. That's exactly how I feel! And that's like exactly what I said to Jean-Paul."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I'm in the same dilemma as you are," I confessed, with a wry laugh. "Jean-Paul is considering sitting this one out. He wants to stay here. And I think I might still go on the mission, no matter what he decides."
"Is that so?" Hank asked, sounding surprised.
"Yeah," I said. I went on to explain some of the reasons Jean-Paul wanted to stay on An'zhina. "He's been meeting with the Professor, though," I added. "They met for a few hours yesterday and are meeting again today."
"I hope that the Professor might be able to assist him. I believe he might be experiencing some form of post-traumatic stress syndrome."
I nodded. "All the trauma of the past few years are catching up with him. It was bound to happen, and I can't blame him. He's suffered about as much as any of us here."
"You seem admirably calm regarding this dilemma."
"I have to be," I shrugged. "It's Jean-Paul's decision. If he needs to stay here, then he's gotta do what's best for him. I don't want to be separated from him for a few months but if we have to, we have to. It's nothing compared to the time Storm and Wolverine will be apart. And I feel strongly that I need to go on this mission---for all the reasons you said. We can't all bail on this mission. If he stays behind, Jeanne-Marie says she wants to as well. So we'll be down **four** X-men with Storm and Moonstar gone---and it comes to **five** X-men if Panda stays here."
"It is not a question of 'if' in Panda's case. She was quite firm in that regard. She is remaining here. The only question is---do I remain with her and the baby or go through the agony of separating from them? I am experiencing the quintessential dilemma of duty versus the heart."
Poor Hank. He was in mental agony, I knew. Panda would be so mad at him if he went on this mission. But I could tell that he really **really** felt he needed to go. Looks like misery loves company and I wasn't the only one facing the specter of some heartbreaking goodbyes. Neither of us really knew what to do or how things would turn out.
At least Hank and I had comfort in each other. "After all these years, we're still best friends," I said. I knew I could get mooshy with him. "And now we're going through almost the same thing."
"Yes. Discussing this with you has made my burden feel so much lighter. I am so glad to have your friendship, Bobby."
"Me too."
***************
Three days later after Beast's conversation with Iceman in the forest, the scientist found himself in his laboratory. He still dedicated several hours per day to research, and he wanted to continue his work searching for a cure for AIDS. He had not yet eaten breakfast; it was quite early on An'zhina and he heard his stomach rumble.
Just as he began to contemplate breakfast, his communicator sounded. "This is Beast," he replied.
"Hank, it's me," Panda's voice said on the other end. Her voice suggested she was either traumatized or shocked. "Our son is here."
"What??"
Panda had been taking a shower. She had lathered up the hair on her head and shoulders. Suddenly, Panda had felt a few pains, and she felt the urge to push. She gave a few gentle pushes and the baby slipped right out.
When Hank arrived in their room, after having run at breakneck speed, he found Panda naked, sitting on the bathroom floor, cradling a crying red infant. The umbilical cord was still attached.
"This is truly remarkable," Hank said, not long afterwards, in the infirmary with Panda and their new son.
"That is an understatement, Hank," Moira MacTaggert said. "I canna ever forget the pain of childbirth. Panda, you are one lucky lass to not experience that. You musta been in labor all night and not known of it."
Panda smiled. "I know---I'm incredibly lucky. I think I'm still in shock though." The hair on her head and shoulders were still covered with lather from her unfinished shower.
Once Hank and Moira finished running their tests, they pronounced Robert McCoy a very healthy, robust newborn, weighing in at 9lbs, 1 ounce. The baby looked like any other infant; if he had a mutation, it did not result in a physical appearance like either of his parents.
Throughout the day, various X-men filtered in to see the baby and provide Hank and Panda with well-wishes. Charlotte and Aurora, in particular, were excited to see the baby and they cooed over him. Little Christopher, who would be turning one year old in just a couple of weeks, was a bit too young to know what was going on.
Hank spent most of the day sitting near the bed, holding Panda's hands or holding the baby. He looked at both adoringly while feeling the bitter attack of pain jabbing at his heart.
**************
Storm sat on her bed, fingering the wooden bracelet. Before she had left the X-men, Wolverine had given her this gift. Carved out of wood and adorned with a few stones from the beach, the bracelet fit her wrist perfectly. Inscribed on the inside of the bracelet were these words:
To the woman I love.
He had run out of space to write more. But, as always with Wolverine, he conveyed what he needed to within the space of a few words. This gift meant more to her than anything. She had given Logan a few dried flowers from her flowerpots before she left. Now she wished that she had given him more.
Storm gently kissed the bracelet before beginning her nightly meditation.
***********
"I can't believe Storm's gone," Rogue murmured. She reached for the tube of massaging gel and squirted more onto her hands. She then rubbed her hands together, as she'd seen Gambit do, to warm up the ointment.
Gambit gave a monosyllabic reply. Rogue placed her hands on his back and began to massage him.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sugar. You just wanna relax. You don't wanna think 'bout all sorts of depressin' stuff now, do you?"
"Uh-huh," Gambit replied. He then added, "A little up an' to the right, chere. An' a bit harder too, s'il vous plaît."
Rogue complied with his requests, pressing her fingers into his back with more pressure. There was silence for a bit, and then Gambit added, "But chere, if it gonna make you feel better to talk 'bout it some more, den please do. You know dat I'll always listen to you."
"Okay, good. 'Cause I gotta talk 'bout it. Remy, I miss her so much already! And it kills me to see Wolverine moping around, with that empty look on his face. The man looks like he's dead to the world. That is when you can find him. He's usually hangin' out in that forest all day." She paused. "I hate that things turned out this way! I wish things were different."
"Me too, chere," Gambit murmured.
"Poor Storm. And poor Dani! I have nightmare images of that girl tied to Marrow's bed. I can't even imagine it! I worry all the time 'bout both of them."
Gambit was silent for a bit. He then said, "Dey can handle demselves."
"I know….and hey, Remy? I know you just wanna relax and enjoy this. So you don't have to respond if you don't wanna. Just spoutin' off is makin' me feel better. An' I really want you to enjoy your massage."
"Okay." Remy relaxed some more. "A bit lower now, chere…lower…like on the small of the back. Dat's good."
Rogue then went on for a bit more, worrying about Storm and Dani and proclaiming how much she missed Storm. When she felt as if she'd exhausted that topic, she started to focus on happier things. "That little Rob is so cute. I loved gettin' to hold him."
"He got such smoot' skin. He be a beautiful li'l baby," Gambit added, glad to have a more positive subject to dwell on. "You're a natural wit' the babies too, chere."
"You think so? Aww, Remy, you're so sweet. I can't wait till the day we're parents."
"Me neither." Gambit spoke those words with sincerity. He still could not say that he looked forward to the day they had their own baby as much as Rogue did, but he had been warming to the idea over the months. He was starting to embrace the idea of being a father and trying to get comfortable with it.
Rogue continued to massage Gambit. "You want me to do your feet?" she asked, when he'd asked her to cease her work on his back.
"Nah. How 'bout me reciprocatin', chere?" he asked, turning over onto his back.
"No, thanks. My back's doin' right good." Sitting back on her heels, Rogue reached to put the bottle back on the lubricant, but accidentally squirted some onto her chest and abdomen.
"Mmmmm," Gambit murmured. "Now dat's a beautiful site." He eyed her breasts and stomach which now glistened with the massage oil. The couple had just come from an afternoon at the beach; they had showered together to remove the sand from their bodies, and then had gone directly from the shower to the massage. They were both naked.
"You think so?" Rogue asked, getting a twinkle in her eyes. She slowly massaged the oil onto her breasts, gently squeezing a nipple. She knew how much Remy enjoyed a good visual. She provocatively cupped both her breasts.
"I t'ink I could watch dis all day," he said, echoing her thoughts as he propped his head up with a pillow.
"This feels good," Rogue whispered, moving her hands from her plump breasts to her abdomen.
"Dis looks good," he responded. Rogue took a pointed look at Remy's midsection and was pleased to see his cock beginning to stiffen.
After giving her breasts and belly equal attention, Rogue reached again for the lubricant and squirted some more onto her hands. She reached downwards and opened her folds, spreading her legs wide. She knew how much Remy adored **looking**, especially down there. The sunlight streaming in from the windows allowed him quite a good view, as she slowly rubbed her lips and her tiny little nub.
"Oh chere," Remy whispered, his hardness aching. He gazed in awe at her pink and red folds which were so deliciously wet. He reached a hand down to stroke himself. The next thing Remy knew, Rogue covered his body with hers and was bringing her mouth to his, kissing him passionately. As much as he loved kissing his beautiful wife, he yearned to just continue looking at her. The view was so tantalizing. Still, her tongue and mouth were inviting, and he would not complain. He returned her kiss fervently.
Rogue then snaked her way down his body and grasped his rod. She brought her mouth down and swiftly, deftly enveloped as much of it as she could. She began to move her lips up and down.
"Oh chere," he breathed, "dat feel so good…dat feel so good." He let himself relax and enjoy the work of her lips and tongue. Fleetingly, he thought again how lucky he was to have her. Aside from all the obvious reasons, he loved that she was daring and innovative in bed, unafraid to try new things. He had suspected from the moment he met her that the Southern belle had her wild side. Over the months and years, he had slowly gotten her to explore that wild side.
This bout of lovemaking did not last particularly long. Their very quick arousal happened partly because it had been a few days since they'd had each other. Rogue soon mounted Remy and rode him hard, the couple racing each other to a climax.
Their lovemaking had had an extra excitement to it, ever since their desire to conceive a child. There was that extra bit of intensity, and their bond with each other felt enhanced too. `Please let this time be the one!' Rogue silently begged the powers that be.
*************
TO BE CONTINUED
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