(A/N: Let it be known that I do not like coffins. Remotely. They are just creepy. This is in Jesse's POV now.)

When I went over to Rita's, I did not expect to get into a coffin. Or to travel to Middle Earth, for that matter. But let's focus on the coffin for a moment:

There is no way in hell I was going to get into that thing. None what-so-ever. So when Rita asked, I was very prepared to say no. Unfortunately, I forgot about one very important thing: I can deny Rita nothing. Damn it. So I got in. If you ignored that fact that it was indeed a very much coffin-like coffin, it almost wasn't so bad. With the top open. With the top closed, it was a totally different matter. And Rita said it wasn't so bad. Humph.

"Well, it is now that the lid's shut!" I screamed at her. I think it was in her ear, which I will apologize for at some point in the future, but not now, since I am stuck in a coffin with the lid shut and – shit. Why are we falling? I screamed at Rita again, and this time I know it was in her ear. I know because – well, that's not important, because I felt the need to threaten her at the moment. I didn't get to finish my threat, however, because we suddenly hit bottom. Really. We stopped. Dead in our tracks. Well, the coffin stopped dead in it's tracks, we just were along for the ride.

The nine people who were staring at us when we got out were the last people I expected to see. For that matter, until that moment, I was sure that they were just characters in books/movies, not actual, real, breathing, living people. Obviously, I was wrong. I heard myself explaining, calmly I might add, to Rita where we were. I don't know how I pulled that off, because calm was the last thing I was feeling at the moment. I also heard her say something about an opera, but by that point I'd gone into shock and couldn't do anything but stare. And blink. And stare. And blink. And was that really a spider crawling up my leg? Yes, that was a spider. Ok. Spider? Not ok!

"Ahhhhh!!!!" I screamed, and jumped into the arms of the nearest Fellowship member, who happened to be Gandalf. I'm sure he thought I was insane.

That seemed to knock Rita into reality, or the lack there of, and she squealed, very much like we had last week when we saw Return of the King, and glomped onto Boromir. I followed her example, because really, he is Boromir. How do you not glomp? For the next half hour or so random insanity occurred, most of which is to confusing to relay to you, the reader, but a few things of which are noteworthy.

One, Gandalf gets cranky when you steal his staff. I will have to remember that for future reference.

Two, Rita is much stronger than she looks. Legolas learned this as she was "hugging" – I think it was more like squeezing the life out of – him.

Three, hobbits are really the most adorable things there are in Middle Earth. They are cute like puppies.

"Merry," Pippin whispered, "who are they?"

"They, Master Hobbit, are girls," Gandalf explained and held onto his hat so that Rita and I could not steal it.

"Girls?" Sam questioned, wondering if we might be in need of food because we were now prattling on about taters and what they were.

"Yes, girls, Samwise Gamgee," Rita told him.

"As in female," I added, just because I felt like it.

"They are odd girls," Merry whispered to Pippin.

Gandalf made a throat clearing noise like he wanted everyone to shut up so he could talk, so we did. For two seconds.

"I wanna see the Ring!" I cried out, looking expectantly at Frodo. He clutched the Ring under his shirt and looked at Gandalf questioningly.

"Really, it's ok, I know about the quest. And I don't want the Ring, I just wanna see it." I explained, and I think Sam was ready to attack me, because he had that "you're not touching Frodo as long as I'm around" look on his face. Which is totally adorable, so I hugged him instead.

Then suddenly, Rita screamed. We all looked to see what it was she was screaming at, but since we found nothing, we all stared at her until she decided to explain. "I was thinking about home," she explained. When that failed to change anything, she sighed. "I was remembering that time the pencil sharpener was trying to kill me."

I hugged her and muttered, "Evil pencil sharpener."

Gandalf had had enough. "That's enough," he told us. We pouted and looked innocent.

Aragorn came to our rescue. "Gandalf, I think they're just excited."

"Quite," Boromir agreed.

"I think the first thing we should do is find them some suitable clothes," Legolas added.

So that's what we did, and then we explored Rivendell, for that's where we were. Then Merry, Pippin, Sam, Rita, and I all hid in the bushes and listened to the secret council. Heeheehee, we are so sneaky.

"Doom, Mordor," Rita kept muttering beside me every time Elrond said either of those two things. I kept snickering, because it was really very funny. Merry and Pippin and Sam all looked like they were paying attention to what was going on. Well, Merry and Sam did. Pippin was giggling with me. We [as in Rita and myself] were so busy giggling that we almost missed the next thing Elrond had to say:

"Nine companions. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."

It was then that we realized the Hobbits had run out already, and we had missed our que. So we ran out, somewhat late, but still there.

Gandalf looked desperate and Elrond looked surprised.

"Right then," I turned to the Fellowship. "Let's get underway, troops!"

~*~

Three months later, we had left.